Writing Feedback / IELTS Cambridge Book 1, Test 1, Writing task 1 (Survey on education) [3]

There is a slight eror in the way the pie chart is described in the summary overview. The pie chart indicates the idea regarding how the expenses for studies should be shared or shouldered by participants in the educational process. It is divided among the participants in terms of percentage to the shouldered. The trendign statement properly addresses connected considerations in every sentence. There is a clear demarcation between the reasons for study and division of expense. There is however, a problem with the discussion of each image in the report.

While the line graph indicators are well presented in the paragraph, the pie chart is the least developed even though it has enough information to warrant a complete presentation. The pie chart must be as well developed in the presentation so maybe, the writer should consider a better idea division per sentence to meet this requirement. It is something that will help show a thorough analysis and comparison consideration in the discussion, boosting the overall score in the process.

Writing Feedback / [Writing task 2] Publicize the violent criminals' personal information or not [2]

The writer has nto understood the discussion instructions. The prompt restatement is incomplete and so are the reasoning paragraphs. There are 2 opinions presented here. There are 2 publicly opposing presentations, both of which need to properly representated in the paraphrase. Otherwise, the prompt restatement cannot be considered an accurate representation of the original. Jumping immediately to the personal opinion means that the discussion paragraphs will be limited to an incomplete discussion as well. By not discussing both public opinions, the writer will be seen as having completed 2 out of 3 discussion requirements. The score provided will also be partial because of the missing discussion paragraph. The overall essay is considered under developed and cannot receive high marks in the TA score because of it. It will limit the passing capacity of the essay.

Writing Feedback / A number of solutions can be taken to tackle the issue of sugary beverages consumption rise [2]

In both the opinion statement and summary conclusion, the writer fails to address the reasons for his discussion presentation. Both paragraphs do not have clear thesis statements, which become the basis of the response paragraphs. The reasons must be provided in the opinion statement to establish the thesis statement. Then, it is repeated in the concluding summary to remind the readers of the discussion in short form. Both address a specific aspect of TA scoring.

In the reasoning paragraphs, the numerical order works to keep track of the discussion points. However, it does not provide a "cohesive" discussion because of the lack of proper transition. By using a transition phrase or sentence, the discussion from Point A to Point B shows a clear and direct relationship within the thesis requirements. When that happens, a higher C+C score is granted to the writer.

Writing Feedback / The reasons for water pollution and its influence on animals and humans [3]

An immediate prompt alteration can be found in this essay that will have a detrimental effect on its task accuracy score. The original prompt asks for the "effect" of water pollution. The writer changed "effect" to "influence" in her restatement. The word meaning has to be considered in this case as the two words have different meangs when applied to the original topic.

Effect refers to the outcome of a cause (water pollution). Influence refers to the power to affect, control or manipulate something or someone. Since pollution does not have the power to manipulate anything, saying that a discussion will be presented based on its influence is incorrect. Pollution only creates an "effect". Therefore, the writer will not get a passing TA score as the response provided is alternate to the required presentation. It indicates a lack of proper vocabulary knowledge and English understanding skills on the part or the writer. Based on this statement, the reason why the full response presentation does not meet the prescribed discussion requirements. This could definitely pull down the overall score to below passing.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 - conflicting views about the purpose of films [2]

the restatement + opinion paragraph is incomplete. It does not accurately restate the prompt as the points of view presented are composed of:
- 1 public opinion
- 1 personal opinion

The proper response format is actually:
- 2 public opinions
- 1 personal opinion

That is because the first paragraph needs to appropriately repsent the original discussion topics, along with a presentation of a personal opinion. Being able to properly present the restatement + opinion indicates an ability to fully understand English instructions, a requirement for any foreign student wishing to study in an English based school.

It is this mistake in instruction understanding that also created the incomplete discussion presentations in the body of the paragraph. While general discussions were presented, the flow was not that of Public v. Personal. It was personal overall, which is not how the discussion should be presented. The public opinion, each one, must be analyzed based on public reasons first, then the personal opinion for each may be provided or, a supporting personal opinion for one of the two may be presented for consideration.

Writing Feedback / The table illustrates the television viewing numbers for tennis, golf, motor racing and athletics [3]

The writer has not presented a properly developed data report based on the image. The observations presented only have 113 words in it. Far short of the 150 requirement. This means that the essay will not reach a passing mark because of the severe word percentage deduction applied for the lacking words. The writer will recieve a score based on all considerations, but the deduction will ensure that he will not pass this test. Aside from the word count error, the essay also fails to represent itself within the required 3-4 paragraph presentation expectation. It is obvious that the writer has not attempted this task before. He must look at the available samples of task 1 essays at this forum to get a better idea of how to approach the presentation. Learning from the mistakes of others along the way to help him become a better writer in relation to this task. He has to focuse mroe on comparison and analysis presentations in order to meet the prompt requirements.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of US people who had meals in fast-food restaurants in three separate years [3]

A complete summary overview will allow the reader to get an idea of the type of measurement provided by the image. This presentation does not indicate any measurement type, so the reader is not informed about that important point, as it relates to the trending statement. While the summary overview is creative, it lacked a piece of information that is expected by the examiner.


- Considerably rising
- The presentation connotes an active comparison of the measurement even though it has happened in the past. Therefore, an active reference should be used in the comparison. Rose relates to a past completed action but, that is not how the presentation was set up. Be aware of tense usage in relation to action clarity within the paragraph.

The report itself sounds complete. I cannot be sure since the image was not provided. The reader comes away from it informed about the missing image. That is a good thing because the whole point of this report is to make sure that the writer can present an accurate and imaginative data presentation that will not confuse or misinform the reader.

Writing Feedback / The percentages of the access to technology devices in the UK household from 1996 to 2003 [2]

What the writer provided was not a trending statement but a comparative statement. A trend is a prevailing tendency that can be gleaned from a measurement provided. It is a singular statement that shows the high and low of a particular segment. In this case, the writer should have focused on delivering the highest point at the start, and the highest point at the end of the period, even if the product category changes. A trend may also show a replacement of an item over time. It is not a comparison of how well the products did or did not do over a certain period. That comparison should be done as a part of the report. A proper trend is normally presented as a single sentence that properly combines 2 measurements into one presentation.

Writing Feedback / Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. [3]

The writer is highly focused on the length of his essay. The unnecessary discussion length makes the opinion presentation feel more like a language exercise instead of a task 2 response. The task 2 essay requires the exam taker to present his full discussion in the quickest and shortest possible manner, hence the 40mminute writing allowance. Keeping the paragraphs short are necessary for the cohesiveness and coherence scoring bases. It also helps the writer avoid grammar errors.

The longer the presentation, the more GRA mistakes are created. This essay is proof of that. That is why, even though the essay shows an understanding of the topic, the overall discussion approach will still recieve a lower scoring consideration. The writer commited the very error he was discussing in his essay. He tried to cover too many topics per paragraph.That is the written equivalent of inefficient multi-tasking.

Writing Feedback / Instead of books, the Internet has become one of the main storage of knowledge [4]

The essay shall recieve a score reflective of a mostly incomplete discussion. Scores will be applied to the restatement + opinion, second reasoning paragraph, and conclusion summary. A score cannot be provided for the first reasoning paragraph because it is a counter opinion from the one provided in the thesis statement. The opinion essay clearly establishes its discussion profile, provide 2 supporting reasons for your opinion to gain full scoring considerations. Deliver a completely developed discussion via 2 cohesive discussion paragraphs. This essay failed to provide a fully supported discussion as it has a supporting paragraph for the opposing side. A discussion format used only for comparative discussion instructions.

The writer also has several grammar issues that affect the final score. His use of a conjunction at the start of certain sentences would be seen as improper seeing as no connected prior discussion has been presented yet. He must do better next time, making sure to review conjunction usage rules for future reference.

Writing Feedback / IETLS: Violence on TV and in games impact negatively on people's manners (Opinion essay) [4]

Okay.The writer was asked to provide an opinion + justification discussion in the presentation. This was achieved to a great degree by the writer. What was not required was a solution presentation in the summary conclusion. This is a prompt deviation that forced an open-ended discussion. The essay could recieve a failing score for 2 reasons in the end:

- Lack of proper conclusion summary
- Addition of an unrelated discussion in the concluding presentation

The grammar of the student is not perfect, but neither is it confusing to read in it's imperfect manner. The examiner can pretty much figure out what the point of the statement is. I would advice the student to stop using idioms as he does this out of content (e.g. it could be a haunting memory for them when it is off the top of their head) . Additionally, ellipses (...) . are used mostly in creative writing. Avoid its use in an academic essay. Also, a comma and ellipses cannot be used simultaneously as each punctuation mark offers a different sentence meaning soit does not make sense to the reader when used successively in a sentence.

Scholarship / PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR KGSP/GKS undergraduate Scholarship, agriculture major [6]

The essay is a confusing hodge podge of information that does not take the required discussion topics inthe consideration. The umower will not be able to assess the relevance of the essay based on required data. Majority of the essay does not meet the consideration guidelines. The applicant has written an essay that will disqualify the application from consideration. As a 2nd college degree applicant, the consideration will already be weak.The priority applicants are fresh high school or equivalent graduates. So, the applicant needs to come up with a more appropriate and passionate personal statement. Review the prompt requirements and write the essay based on the indicated requirements. This essay is unusable.

Writing Feedback / [ Writing task 1 ] The number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city by gender [4]

When writing the summary overview, use more seperate sentences since seperate information is being presented. There will be more clarity and easier to remember presentations that way. Do not indicate a compressed year reference at this point. The clear year to year reference is required. Year reference variations work better in the actual report paragraphs. It creates more LR variation in those paragraph presentations in relation to scores.

The writer needs to build on his synonym usage for LR and GRA scoring purposes. He is limited to orginal keyword usage which indicates a limited English vocabulary. Better vocabulary will also allow him to further expand his discussion to a more acceptable 3 sentences per paragraph.

For someone engaged in self-study, the writer has done an admirable job. There is room for improvement. I hope to continue guiding him in his learning process.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 about students being allowed to use their phones in schools [2]

In the opening statement, the author over presented the introduction to the point of straying from the original content.This paragraph needed only 3 sentences:

- Public opinion 1
- Public opinion 2
- Personal insight

The complicated background was unnecessary as it was never a part of the orginal presentation. It was irrelevant in a paragraph that only requires a restatement + opinion.

The personal opinion is in the incorrect spot in the essay. It should, as per the outline above, be the 3rd reasoning paragraph. It must be fully developed prior to the concluding paragraph.The last paragraph is the discussion summary. This essay is open ended and could fail to achieve a passing score because of it.

Writing Feedback / Vegetarian diet is good or not; a good idea to encourage consumers to eat more plant foods [2]

The writer's response is in the incorrect format. As this is not an extent essay, he is not allowed to "partly" agree or disagree. Such a response can only be used in a measured response essay since that type of response allows for a comparative discussion. The single opinion essay, of which this is, allows only for a 2 paragraph defense of a solid single opinion. The writer has not taken a clear opinion as the prompt requires. His TA score will be problematic. While scores will be applied over all, the lack of properly formatted response paragraphs , based on the discussion question is what will prevent this essay from achieving a passing score. Respond as required.

Writing Feedback / Stress has become an ubiquitous phenomenon in society and everyone suffers from it [3]

The first sentence of the just paragraph is a run-on.The first topic, affluence, should be seperated from the second thought, stress as an overwhelming part of life these days.These are 2 different topics that do not directly relate to one another, yet. The effects and relationship of the 2 should have been directly created in the response sentences to the direct questions. Justead, there is a useless restatement of writing instructions that do not add to the TA score. The student provided a partially inaccurate introduction due to the missing direct opinion response.

The first reasoning paragraph was more than enough to justify the cause of stress, had it been more clearly discussed using appropriate vocabulary. The second paragraph could have been more setting targeted if, rather than presenting another little developed cause topic, a solution regarding stress reduction was discussed as required by the discussion format. It was the actual topic for that paragraph that was not thoroughly explained.

The writer must learn to with about 2 related topics per paragraph when asked to do so, as in this essay.There is a problem when it comes to developing a cohesive discussion paragraph.

Writing Feedback / (Write Task 2) Economic growth is ending world poverty and hunger or damaging environment. [2]

The writer has used a general discussion format to discuss both public opinions. Not once did he offer a personal opinion from a personal point of new. 2 out of 3 discussion requirements were met.The essay is not fully developed. Scoring will be based on the half completed presentation. It may not be enough of an effort to ment a passing score. The writer needs to understand that this type of essay requires a 3 paragraph discussion, even if based on general opinions.The personal point of new needs to stand out and seen as in support of one of the 2 opinions or, a totally different opinion of his own making.

Writing Feedback / The developed world is rising life expectancy and it affects whole societies [2]

The writer has the right idea when it comes to the discussion.The problem is in the presentation of these thoughts in English. There are several sentences that fail to convey a clear and coherent English thought. A situation brought about by the writer's lack of proper vocabulary choices and lack of control over sentence structures. It is important that the writer performs more sentence building exercises. Vocabulary development tasks will also help him gain better control of his word usage and sentence formation. While his effort to present a relevant discussion is clear, the errors in the paragraphs will lead the failing scores in 3 sections: LR, C + C, and G R A presentations.

Writing Feedback / People always hesitate when it comes to changes [2]

The writer has not provided the correct discussion response. A prompt alteration eests in the essay which will prevent it more recieving a passing score. An incorrect response and response format was provided in the restatement + opinion section.

Discussion Instruction: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Writer Interpretation : I will weigh the pros and cons of consistency and changes.

The writer has clearly disregarded the original requirements. Maybe he did not understand the instructions or, maybe he just did not want to follow the instructions. Whatever the reason, he has failed to get a passing TA score. 10, while he will recieve a small scoring consideration for having written something, he will not pass the test.

Writing Feedback / The profits of the top five mentioned mobile phone brands made through selling their products [2]


The brand names have not been outlined in the summary yet. No mention has been made at this point.

There are always aspects open for discussion or report analysis . Since the high and low has been presented, look for the middle range aspect to discuss as well. The midrange refers to the movable or fluctuating measurements that could increase or lower a future trend. In this image, such a report can be used for Apple and LG. Their measurements show clear fluctuations that can be analyzed, without the writer giving an influencing opinion. In a line graph, the mid-range is replaced by the overlapping or meeting pousts of the measurements.

Writing Feedback / [W task 1]The pie graphs show greenhouse gas emissions worldwide in 2002 and the forecast for 2030. [3]

The student has some major issues with regards to grammar usage. He does not know how to seperate his thoughts into clear and individual sentences to create a coherent paragraph. Long sentences in this presentation prove to make the statements difficult to follow. These lead to confusion on the part of the reader. He must remember that clarity is a key scoring point that cannot be achieved in run-on presentations. His current format will result in failing C + C and G R A scores.

Vocabulary is another shortcoming of this student. More lessons in similar word usage is necessary. Certain words such as " amount " and " number" may be similar in reference, but tend to be used differently in sentence presentations. It all depends on the word connotation.

Undergraduate / Global Korea Scholarship 2022 PERSONAL STATEMENT - Communication major [3]

The first paragraph indicates all the WRONG reasons to seek a scholarship. Those reasons are a given, understood, but never to be publicly discussed.Those are the "perks" for academically excellent participants. Those are not the reasons why one would want to be a scholar. Remove that paragraph and come up with something else to introduce more valid motivations.

The academic history and excellence discussion needs better formatting. There appears to be some information missing at the start. It Is confusing to read and does not show a fully developed academic path. The activities fail to show the development of the applicant's interest in Communication.There is no solid foundation for the interest. The lack of relevant discussion towards this career path makes the application weak.

Scholarship / I can't wait to challenge myself. PERSONAL STATEMENT KGSP/GKS UNDERGRADUATE 2022 [3]

The essay is too excited. So excited that it is unreasonably long but not always informative in relation to the prompts. consider focusing the paper on your interest in business right from the start. The first paragraph is not interesting and does not connect with any prompt in a useful manner. It fails to be an interesting introduction to your background. It just makes the presentation unnecessarily long. The motivations to study in Korea proves to be well researched but disconnected to academic or professional objectives on the part of the applicant. Use personal instead of commercial reasons. sNever speak of having applied to other scholarships and having failed. It makes GKS appear as a substitute program application which does not look good to the reviewer. Do not discuss any type of religious activity as the scholarship is non-sectarian and any religious mention is often deemed inappropriate.

Letters / LETTER to express my motivation to apply for the Engineering Technology Bachelor program [2]

The first paragraph is a waste of space. It is nothing but a run down off the prompt requirements that the reviewer already knows about. start with immediately required information instead such as the one in the second paragraph. The reason why the university was chosen is young. It shows a lack of clean familiarity with the course. connect the subjects and other training available in the course of study that relates to future career plans. Don't repeat brochure information the reviewer already knows. never tell him about his university. connect it to your ambitions and how it can help instead. Academic excellence on your part needs to be highlighted. Mention a few accomplishments in a related course, competitions, or publications that will prove to be academic motivators on your part.

Writing Feedback / Scientists predict in the near future, cars will be driven by computers, not people. Why? Effects? [2]

Rather than saying "some reasons" tell the reader what the reasons are. That will help create the thesis statement focus of your negative opinion of the topic. The restatement + opinion response accounts for a heavy scoring percentage. Do not waste the scoring potential with vague responses. A direct question must always have a direct answer for scoring reasons.

When the word "however" is used, it is meant to refer to an opposing side. since the second paragraph has yet to establish a topic sentence, "however" should not be used yet. Establish a discussion print first then use the term. There is no such phrase as "detrimental benefits". Detrimental refers to a negative effect while "benefits" refers to a positive result. This is a clear conflicting word usage that will drag down the LR score.

The essay is confusing to read and does not have a proper opinion discussion presented. It fails to establish a clear discussion path based on a single opinion.

Writing Feedback / Some Countries Allow Old People To Work To Any Age That They Want. [2]

The writer is not responding to the discussion question in the opinion response sentence. A choice needs to be mack. Either the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or it does not. A non-answer was provided resulting in an unclear opinion. The response does not adhere to the needed response format. Therefore, the reasoning discussion is also incorrect as the single opinion defense paragraphs were used in a comparative rather than single opinion method, as required. The concluding summary does not provide the correct summary content either as it provides for a new discussion topic at the end, leaving the discussion open-ended rather than closed.

Essays / Absence of word limit in essay prompts [2]

The rule of thumb for scholarship essays is to write no more than 500 words. How the applicant chooses to spread the word count into the paragraphs is a personal decision. Some applications allow up to 750 words. The correct count, when none is given is somewhere in-between 500-750 words. Normally, students opt for 600-650 words. Provided they have enough information to present relevant to the discussion.

The only way you can write the essay properly is by outlining your response first. Once you have an outline a draft maybe written and expanded as needed. However, keeping the presentation on pourt and easy to read is fear more important than the word count. Reviewers prefer and appreciate concise discussions due to the heavy volume of essays they need to complete per day. Too long and the reviewer may not read it through. Too short and not enough data may be supplied. The writer has to balance it on his own. Use the wordcount explanation I provided to help you decide.

Writing Feedback / The graph compares the consumption of six different energies in the USA from 1980 to 2030 prediction [2]

The student needs to review his indefinite article usage. "A" is used before consonant sounds while "an" is used before vowel sounds. He shows confusion with regards to indefinite article usage. His noun usage is also problematic as he does not recognize that there are singular and plural noun forms. "That" is singular", "those " are plural. The same goes for "quadrillion " When used to ufer to a specific numerical measurement. It is not "quadrillions". Vocabulary skills also need development as the student tends to confuse his word usage. " Quiet" means silence while "quite" is an adverb meaning "wholly". The student must pay.more allention to his grammar and vocabulary lessons to avoid serious LR and GRA deductions. These are the error areas that will result in a failed test.

Writing Feedback / Essay about opinion on donating a fixed sum from income to charity - IELTS writing 2 [2]

Keep the sentence presentations simple. The writer is trying to unsuccessfully write advanced format and complicated word usage. The following should be rewritten as:


- ... so too are the number...

The reason for the error is clear, it is a run-on presentation. For clarity and proper formatting, avoid writing long sentences. Individual reference sentences always work best.

Since only the viewpoint is essential to the discussion, the benefits represent a prompt deviation. That section of writing is non-essential and therefore, non-scoring. The essay score will not meet the passing requirements as the actual discussion points, as required are not properly developed. The essay strayed from the required discussion . That is the only reason for the scoredown.

Undergraduate / I am applying for GKS Undergraduate 2022 and this is my Personal Statement (Electrical Engineering) [3]

Remove the current college experience from the discussion. As the GKS is primarily for fresh undergraduates, meaning no previous college education, you will already fall under the 2nd applicant consideration list, there is no need to lessen your chances any further. Your current documentation will already inform regarding your current educational status, which will be a primary consideration of your candidacy.

The extra curricular activities are definitely character building but do not align itself with the development of your interest in this field. All activities must provide course centered development, along with other considerations you deem important. when mentioning the awards, be specific and include the circumstances of your success. Offer the publication name and issue as well. The reviewers may want to fact-check there information and make these the basis of your interview qquestions, should your application make it that far.

Graduate / Statement of research interest - Applied to Master's Computer Science [2]

The essay needs to be refocused to provide clear responses to the prompts alone. Do not overdiscuss things by delving into an educational history that does not relate to intent. Avoid a convoluted professional background that again, is difficult to relate to intent. Observations in the field are one thing, intent is totally different. Consider the statement of intent your thesis proposal. What would the foundation of your proposal be? Why that topic (areas of interest that could lead to a thesis topic). How would this interest explain your educational pursuit in line with professional growth (description of your educational and career goals)? More importantly what aspects of your chosen course would aid in career advancement based upon the first 2 question responses (how a graduate program in Computer Science will help achieve these goals) ? Develop the responses between 5-6paragraphs, the ideal length for the required simple response.

Undergraduate / Any academic interests that excite you, and how you might use the Open Curriculum to pursue them [2]

Quirky is good. It made an interesting hook. The Betty Crocker reference is a bit overkill though. More attention should be paid to the MUN connection with the Brown University ideals instead. With 250 words maximum the essay can use more of a preliminary connection to the Brown Open Curriculum. Consider showing how you have always been a Brownie at heart. That way you prove to be the embodiment of a Brownie. There is a slight reference to that in the first paragraph. Build on it so that it will appear that the open curriculum is a natural learning extension for you. That way the discussion will enhance the learning path you have always been comfortable with.

Undergraduate / Global Scientists and Engineers Program Application Essay pt.1 [2]

The first paragraph fails to make a clear point. It needs to be better thought out and organized since it is meant to be the motivational statement of the presentation. If heavily redundant and lacking in a proper focus. It must be revised through rewriting .

A run-down of the university information,does not make sense. Repeating information known to the reviewer, without connecting it to clear career goals does not offer the kind of familiar discussion that shows and proves the method by which the university was chosen and career oriented decisions that led to the choice.

The essay is not focused on the required career connection at all. A career path as supported by the studies is required.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: the line graph shows the number of enquiries received in one city in 2011 [2]

Be aware of English word differences. A peach is a type of fruit. A peak is the summit of a measurement (in this case). Incorrect word usage affects the clarity of the sentence subject. It is a grammar problem that directly relates to the lerical resources of the student as well. There are 3 scoring sections that will see reductions due to incorrect word usage:

- LR
- C + C
- G R A

One mistake causes a negative chain reaction in the scoring consideration. That is why the writer must have accurate word usage and a proofreading skill when writing opinion essays. The rest of the report is acceptable. I cannot determine it's accuracy though due to the lack of image.

Writing Feedback / An increasing number of people are now using dating sites to meet their second halves [3]

The writer must learn to use the appropriate paragraph format for the task 2 essay presentations. That is, an essay composed of seperate paragraphs inclusive of:

- Restatement + opinion
- Reason 1
- Reason 2
- Summary conclusion

Unless the proper formatting requirements are met, the whiter will have a problem with his TA and GRA scores.

The writer is asked to write an opinion regarding "does this do more harm than good?" The writer must opt to explain his support of a single point of new. Either it has positive results or not. The writer cannot use a comparative discussion as it alters the original opinion provided thus, creating an unclear opinion later on. The essay response is only correct when it comes to the areas where it agrees with the writers opinion. So the essay is only partially scorable in this case. It is not going to be a passing score due to under-supported opinion reasons.

Scholarship / POTENTIAL NETWORKING - it opens up opportunities for international collaboration; CHEVENING ESSAY [2]

This presentation is more geared towards referrals rather than network building. While a referral is a simple networking method, it does not adhere to the Chevening requirements for a scholar who has an impressive network of NGO and local / national representatives that maybe useful to the foundation and its members going forward. The network building most go beyond word of mouth referrals. It requires skills training and development through continued leaming and seminars, even conferences attended. Far more notable network usage is required beyond average freelance projects. The discussion here is sufficient for entry level work contracts or local project contracts. It does not qualify the applicant for an international scholarship though. The applicant must develop a more notable way of presenting an internationally usable network.

Writing Feedback / Strict controls should be applied to lessen the noise for better living environment. [4]

The discussion requirement is for a comparison of the 2 public opinions prior to the writer's opinion. The development of the private opinion requires a clear consideration of the merits and demerits of the 2 group opinions.

Either present 4 paragraphs that properly consider the public opinion, then ends with the writers personal insight of the public view or, use a 5 paragraph response. That requires 2 public opinion explanation paragraphs followed by a personal supporting paragraph for one of the 2 pov.

The response format mistake is what pulls back the score for this essay. Unless one of the 2 opinion paragraphs is used, the discussion comes across as inaccurately presented to the reader.

The writer opted to use a cause-effect- solution format in the discussion. That shows the extent of the writer's misunderstanding of the provided discussion instructions.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Some people believe that technology has made man more social. Do you agree or not? [4]

The writer has mistakenly combined response formats for this essay. He is trying to represent:
- An extent essay
- A comparison essay
- An advantage V. disadvantage essay

in a discussion that requires only a measured singular response essay. All other discussion references are irrelevant. The opinion presentation is incorrect and forced an error in terms of TA expectations. The response should have only been:


That is the correct extent response. What should have followed was a thesis sentence containing a reference to 2 reasons. The reasoning paragraphs should have then extended the reason presented over a paragraph each.

The topic restatement is also not well presented. The writer needs to represent one point of mill per sentence to avoid confusing.versions of the original topic. It is a run on sentence gone wrong.

Writing Feedback / The charts show the sources of electricity produced in 4 countries between 2003 and 2008. [4]

Divide the summary overview and trending paragraphs into at least 3 sentences each when representing the initial information from the image. This will allow the writer to use a unique image number and identifier that will be perfectly aligned with The summary TA requirements. Separating the information into sentences helps achieve information clarity in relation to coherence and cohesiveness requirements.


This sentence requires a comma to present a pause (for clarity) in the sentence. The comma should come after the word "countries" or be formatted as:

... countries, namely India and Sweden.

Though there are some sentence word formation errors in the report, the data remains clear to the reader and will be considered for at least a passing score in the end.

Undergraduate / KGSP/GKS-U 2022 PERSONAL STATEMENT - Communication major; Motivations, family, experiences, etc. [5]

The essay is too verbose. The reviewer has a limited amount of time to read your application. The narrative needs to be shorter and more direct to the point. Refer to "I" in terms of accomplishments.There is no place for " we " in the presentation since the group is not applying for the scholarship, just you. Enhance the academic performance and remove the Hangul text since the essay is written in English. Unless you can write the whole essay in Hangul, it would be better notto use the Korean characters, it proves nothing to the reviewer. The MUN reference does not fit very well in the presentation. In fact, the Communications major basis is not well developed. It is purely extra curricular. What academic preparations were made from the start? What related academic accomplishments exist ? The IELTS grade is worth mentioning but add a specific mention for the individual communications related score. specifically in the listening aspect.