Writing Feedback / IELTS - The largest percentage of land transports is recorded by the private cars [4]


While is not appropriate here. Use 'and'

people in metropolitan area are usually taking children to school coming in the, ranking third reason ofin using a car


rewrite. This presents no value

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Celebrities & Their Influences [2]


It is not people in general, but celebrities. Stay focus on the topic.


giving an example should be longer that the one you show above. To help you write a good example, always have these questions: who/ how many/ when/ what/ how/ result


There are two main sentences running together. This is bad grammar


A subject-verb agreement


Well, I feel this is off-topic

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: why do people attend college; 'it offers much more than life preparation' [4]



Let me try one:

Students of university have different opinions about attending classes. Some students argue that they attend classes for new experiences, while others believe that this is for the preparation of the career. In my opinion, university students have enough maturity to decide what is more appropriate for them. Therefore, I strongly agree that the main objective of attending college or university is to acquire knowledge.


and


These bring no values. Omit them.



Why don't you use the common ones? Let's say: In conclusion...


What are you trying to say here? Please, write very clearly. don't leave vague ideas.

Graduate / SOP for MS in VLSI (Digital Design); 'knowledge once gained can't be taken away' [4]


Write could not. You'd better not to use contracted form when it comes to SOP.


Tips for commas: read one of your sentences aloud and see where you would naturally pause, where you would draw a breath. If it's a short pause, like that just was, you probably need a comma.

Research Papers / INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVE NUMBERS IN THE GREEK MATHEMATICAL EDUCATION [5]


Well, I think you should find out another phrase, instead of this.
Here do I have from the dictionary. "Especially "is usually used before a noun, preposition or adverb, or before a clause beginning with 'if', 'when', 'as' etc

E.g. He was very much influenced by Picasso, especially when he was young


Is this you mean? In a short flashback are the prevailing concepts cited (Inverted Version)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 1] A report about consumption of energy in the USA [6]

The line graph compares(I don't really agree if you use the verb 'compares'. This chart uses the appropriate language of change and compares the information)shows how Americans use six different energies during a 50-year period (a comma) from 1980 to 2030, (no comma here)This report was taken in 2008 and it is measured in quadrillion units.


If you put this as the overview, it will take time to read. Therefore, I suggest you to rewrite.
Have a look this one:It is clear that the consumption of energy has increased steadily. In any case, after slight increase, hydropower is predicted to decrease to the starting figure.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: do animals have the same rights as humans? [6]


Well, you write well. However, I didn't see you have shown a strong thesis statement for this essay.
I am with Dumi. It is always good to end your intro by expressing your view. This helps examiner understand what you are going to talk.


this is not a good concluding signal. You'd better use: In conclusion,

Writing Feedback / IELTS argument essay large amount of violence in television programs [6]

Overall, you could write. I have some points here:


Have a look at the blue phrases. They are too vague for me. You need to raise an real-life example. By this, it will make me easier to follow the logical order.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : negative effects of technological process ( agree or disagree ) [3]


some negative aspects of technological process need to be mentioneddiscussing clearly. Need + V-ING meaning passive.


you'd better omit this phrase. It doesn't bring any values.


cannot

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'The apple never falls far from the tree' - Parents should teach children [10]

Without knowing our past ( a comma) we can't (no contracted form) know who we really are you need more details for this issue


an incomplete sentence


an incomplete sentence

Make sure you write a subject-verb agreement very well

Writing Feedback / Do you agree or disagree? People should read only real books. [5]

Well, I see that you need more work for the punctuation. Also, every time opening a new paragraph, I suggest you to leave one space as to be readable. Another point is to write your prompt completely as to earn a good feedback. In the bodies of paragraph, you'd better raise one real example to support the topic sentence. Thanks.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Modern values; social status and material possessions [8]

Well, I didn't see you write a strong introduction. The strong introduction is;
1. introduce the topic clearly
2. gives several sentences about the topic
3. states the thesis (the main idea) of the essay

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Technology supports working from home [5]


SalMon is right.
you need more work for the conclusion.
A good concluding paragraph:
1. summaries the main points of the essay
2. restate the thesis (using different words)
3. makes a final comment about the essay's main idea
4. may emphasize an action that you would like the reader to take.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Office and technology / young people working - introduction paragraph [10]

Technology has changeds people's life. Some sophisticated technologies provide possibility forallow employers to work at home rather than going to office. As a result, some workers believe that working at home could be done by using modern technologies as well as doing a job at office. (This sentence is really saying the same thing)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Children's engagement in paid work. Right or wrong? [11]


Sure :D
Subject-auxiliary inversion after negative adverbials with no commas at all.
Study the following examples;
1. Under no circumstances are you to go out.
2. Under no circumstances are you allowed to disturb the racers. (You are not allowed to disturb the racers under any circumstances.)


(Personally,) under no circumstances are children allowed to make a living, or
(Personally,) children are not allowed to make a living under any circumstances.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Children's engagement in paid work. Right or wrong? [11]


Many students use this idiom. You'd better create your own words.



Write cannot


Well, I think an inverted sentence cannot be used here.


This cannot be used as a plural form.


Here is a spelling mistake


Write Those brutalities

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Prevention is better than cure. Agree or not? 'materialistic diversion' [9]

Overall, you write very well. Your grammatical mechanics and vocabularies are good. I really like if you finish writing this into 40 minutes


Well, I don't really agree if you put a saying or maxim into your sentence(s). Why? Saying, maxim, etc., can be categorized as memorized phrases in IELTS. You may get penalized for this.

Good luck for your exam :D

Scholarship / This is an essay about my heritage, which is a scholarship essay [3]

it is a strong believebelief that one gives birth so that they(make sure that the word you have replaced here doesn't have any faulty reference) will make them proud and look after them properly when they grow old.

It is disrespectful to look in to an elders' eyes when they are talking to you, (stop here) you have to bow your head to show respect.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: young school leavers have a negative attitude towards learning [5]

It is always good if you expressed your point before ending your introduction although this essay is not Agree/ Disagree type. The benefit of this are that the assessor will know upfront exactly what your position is. This will then avoid any confusion when your essay is read.

I am not sure if all of these are clear to you, but this is what I know.

Writing Feedback / pros and cons when children were learned foreign language in primary shool [4]


This sentence shows faulty reference of a pronoun.


This part show a problem with a subject-verb agreement.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- CAPITAL PUNISHMENT; 51% countries have polished death penalty [5]



You don't need to write details in intro. Just paraphrase the prompt.

Your writing is good. However, I see you put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words in the 5 paragraphs. If I were you, I would like focusing on one intro, two bodies paragraphs which are composed into a topic and an clear example, and one conclusion. By this, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

I am not sure if all of these are clear to you, but this is what I know.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - ACADEMIC - INTERNET vs CLASSROOM FOR LEARNING LANGUAGES [6]

You are being asked to


.
It is always good if you expressed your point before ending your introduction although this essay is not Agree/ Disagree type.
The benefit of this are that the assessor will know upfront exactly what your position is. This will then avoid any confusion when your essay is read.


It's better to avoid use of self-contradictory phrases like many. Write it more precisely.

I am not sure if all of these are clear to you, but this is what I know.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Introductions; living in modern world/ world poverty/ traffic problem [6]


I recommend you to put your opinion before the end of the introduction.
Living in the modern world is a symbol of prosperity (HOOK). For some people, this brings healthy life challenges. Some others claim that this stage of life requires more stressful lifestyles. Both views have merits and demerits (Background). However, I believe that living in the modern world needs enormous expenditures of energy, time, and money. (Thesis statement)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The number of visitors to three London museums. [8]


1. Use visited instead of came in
come : to towards somebody/something to move towards you or arrive at the place where you are opposite go
visit: to go and spend time in a place or with someone, especially for pleasure or interest:

2. Put an article 'the' before British museum


500 thousand tourists

Writing Feedback / IELTS: working in team enhances the students' efficiency in the study process [9]

Whether students should study in group or not has always been an interesting question. Some people are in favour of studying alone, while others find studying in groups more beneficial. Personally, the latter would be my choice. There are two reasons for my perspectives on thisTherefore, I too believe that study group has more benefits

It is always good if you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. By this, you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Academic - Sales of two companies [6]


click: takeielts.britishcouncil (dot) org/sites/default/files/IELTS_task_1_Writing_band_descriptors.pdf


An overview is not the individual details, but the 'whole picture'.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Academic - Sales of two companies [6]

Well, let me share what I know


It is not all about the right or wrong one. As long as you write, you will have a band score of IELTS :D

This pattern I used when facing my IELTS exam :D
1. Introduce the graph
2. Give an overview
3. Give the (two) detail/s

Why should be an overview and paragraph separated,
Have look at Task Achievement[/i] and [i]Coherence and Cohesion, by paying particular attention to this IELTS TASK 1 Writing band descriptors if you think you need a good score:

Writing Feedback / Freedom of speech is mother of democracy [4]

Logon to EF
On the screen that says "Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful!", write IELTS/TOEFL/ GRE, etc., with the keywords (Max. 50 characters)

Finally, copy and paste your Essay into the Message box. You are asked to complete the full prompt with your essay.

To give relevant and reliable feedback, we need the prompt which helps us crystallize the ideas from your writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Academic - Sales of two companies [6]

Double graphs
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bar chart shows..., and the second chart illustrates

Overview: Write two sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragraphs:
If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each. If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons. In this case, you could write one paragraph describing all of the information, but it is still more preferable to write two paragraphs because it makes the essay look more organized

Note to remember:
1. Not separating paragraphs. Your score will immediately drop if you do not separate paragraphs clearly. My advice: leave a full line between paragraphs.
2. You need an overview for IELTS visual writing, not conclusion.

Writing Feedback / Women should work (paragraph) [7]

Well, it is nicer if you could break down this writing into paragraphs. To compose the best paragraph is to write an intro, body(es) and conclusion into different paragraph. Also, you should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - parents should teach children / or school is the place? [5]


Even your prompt is open for discussion, there is no harm you stating your own opinion in the introduction itself. It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Essays / Need support on writing Acknowledgement of thesis [3]

I owe( well, I prefer using the common expressions; let's say: I would like to express my bla.. bla) deepest gratitude to my family for theirthe support, both financially and emotionally(you don't need to mention this specific assistance. Better omit ) throughout my degree. The unconditional sacrifice of my parents is invaluable.This specific assistance is unnecessary.

I would like to express my deepest gratitude to my family for the support throughout my degree.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - The option to work or study from home is advantage or disadvantage [7]


Even your prompt is open for discussion, there is no harm you stating your own opinion in the introduction itself. It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.


It is nicer if you could construct the concluding paragraph with this pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)

Writing Feedback / Shopping is beyond buying goods. It is social interaction with other people. [4]


I know you write well. However, you'd better always try to include the prompt. To give relevant and reliable feedback, we need the prompt which helps us crystallize the ideas from your writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: only some of children's leisure activities should be educational [3]

Lemme give a try:
Playing with friends brings great joy to children. For some people, they argue that children should always do educational activities in their free time. Some others claim that some activities are a complete waste of time. Therefore, I too agree that children think creatively and learn important skills from educational games and activities.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I : US Crude Oil Imports (15 countries) [6]


a subject and verb agreement


Missing a verb


a subject and verb agreement


less than 200 thousand barrels

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Traditional skills and ways are always valuable and will last forever [4]

5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Hydro Electric process [5]



omit to | Following steps


the shut-on valve




for delivering

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Injuries and Incidents [5]


don't need to write in a past form, but this: detail. | A more detail look at



Needs a subject and verb agreement


should be a plural form

I see you write very good. However, the simple grammar mistakes may take your score down.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : School expenditure in 3 particular year [3]


To here is not as a To-infinitive, but preposition. Omit 'reach'.
From 28%... to 15%
The number of 15% (what) is similar withto


This needs a subject and verb agreement.


An article is needed