Undergraduate / Academic Goal and Study Plan - AMA+ Undergraduate Scholarship 2022 [3]

I believe that your study plan should be focused on the development of the Horror genre that you wish to specialize in starting from your freshman year. That way you can utilize every academic semester in a manner that will help you hone your skills in the genre. The twist? How will you integrate the romance into the story? How will you immerse the viewer into the lives of immigrants whose life challenges are part of the horror story? The goal of the study plan has to be to polish and perfect your skills in the horror genre since that is the specialization you want to focus on. Integrate it into every story you will be telling, it could be light horror, it could be comedic, it could be serious. It all depends upon the story you are wanting to tell. If you fix the goal of your studies, you will notice that it will better integrate itself into the study plan you have created.

Writing Feedback / The high volume of traffic - the numbers of cars, motorbikes are increasing significantly [2]

In your desire to immediately respond to the question, you changed the discussion topic from:

OT: In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem.

to

YT: air pollution acting as one of the most severe issues which is recently concerned by community

So you ended up changing the discussion slant in totality. Your response is not in alignment with the original prompt which will result in a failing TA score, which will contribute to the overall failure of your test due to evident lack of English comprehension skills. For this presentation, you always have to do the following in the first paragraph:

- Restate the prompt topic
- Give the reason for the discussion
- Offer a direct response to the questions or give reasons / causes / solutions are indicated by the original discussion instruction / questions

You failed to properly represent these in the first paragraph which is known as the prompt restatement. In fact, your statement about air pollution did not factor into the rest of the discussion aside from the first statement that you made, which really shows a disconnection between your understanding of the prompt and how it should be discussed. While your reasons and solutions relate to the original prompt, the mistake in the restatement may prove to be the reason why your score will be limited and possibly, not passing in this test.

Writing Feedback / Problem and Solution essay - diet / lifestyle [2]

Presenting 324 words may prove to be a problem for you during the actual test that only allows for 40 minutes of writing, proofreading, and final version creation. Based on the amount of time required to ensure that you submit a grammatically perfected essay, you should not be writing more than 300 words. In fact, the essay has several problem points that you were unable to spot because you focused on length rather than quality.

For starters, the thesis statement is missing in the first paragraph. You need to provide a summary of the upcoming discussion, by offering the upcoming topics for discussion to clearly show how well you understood the prompt and the requirements. You do not have to discuss those subjects in that paragraph, but you should not waste the TA score by simply repeating the writing instructions either.

The causes paragraph is clear at the start, but then becomes confusing to read when it gets to the second discussion topic. Instead of saying:


Go directly to the point and indicate that this is the second reason. Clarity in the sentence is required to help keep the cohesive and coherent presentation of the paragraph. One mistake in the sentence formatting results in confusion for the reader. Which is one of the reasons why you have to focus on quality rather than quantity when writing these essays.

Undergraduate / Columbia SHP - interests and background in science and mathematics. Biology & Math is everywhere [2]

The explanation is direct to the point and simplistic in its approach. That, is where I see a problem possibly occurring for your application. The prompt is asking you to highlight the development of your interest in Math and Science. However, your presentation is too much of a "gloss over" instead of "involved show". You are just telling the reviewer these things, but not showing any actual relationship between each section in terms of developing, strengthening, and solidifying your interest in STEM. You need to be more specific about the discussion. Avoid saying things like "I wasn't always interested" because that leads to the unrelated question "What changed to make you interested?" Rather than uncertainty, portray the stability of your interest in STEM and the progressive development of your interest in the field. Most importantly, show the reviewer, don't tell him about your interests. The show part indicates the development of the interest, which matters the most in this presentation.

Writing Feedback / The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007. [2]

Remember that you are reporting based on an image that the reader will not be able to see. Therefore, you need to be specific about certain aspects of the prompt summary. These include, but are not limited to:

- The type of image
- Number of images
- Overview of each image section/content
- Trending statement for each image

Your summary overview is, in my opinion, lacking in the required details and does not properly help the reader create a mental picture of the information you are providing. I mean, sure, you identified the pie charts, but you did not give the number of images and what these represent as a part of the summary, which would have helped create the mental picture I was telling you about earlier.

Letters / Motivation Letter for a PhD scholarship in Chemical Engineering in catalysis. [3]

There are just a few paragraphs that should be taken out because these apply more to the statement of purpose rather than the motivational letter. Without knowing if these paragraphs are required by the writing instructions, I would have to say that paragraphs 4 and 5 do not portray a motivation in the sense of the word and as needed in the application. If you change the word "goal" to "motivation" in paragraph 6, the presentation becomes stronger as the professional and forward thinking element of your motivation becomes clearer and more applicable to the letter. The letter becomes much more motivational in content once the 2 paragraphs I mentioned earlier are removed. It becomes more of a motivational letter rather than a confused statement of purpose.

Graduate / MASTER OF GLOBAL BUSINESS - AAS 2021 - Why this course and institution? [2]

ONE ESSAY PER THREAD. ADMIN SHALL DELETE THE REST OF THIS POST. KINDLY POST THOSE AS INDIVIDUAL THREADS INSTEAD.

Your response to the first prompt is incomplete. You only offered the course name but did not expand upon why you chose the masters course, how it applies to your profession, why you chose the university, and how the university experience will help improve your professional skills overall. This response is not applicable to the prompt provided. I believe you are uncertain as to how to best respond to this AAS question. Do not hesitate to look at the current applicant postings at this forum, based on the prompt requirement, so that you can get a better understanding of what the prompt question is about and how you can best respond to it. You can only learn how to develop your own response by reading the response as others and using those as examples or templates for your own response creation.

Research Papers / Research Paper Draft--Martial Arts and Its Positive Impact on Mental and Physical Health in Adults [2]

You can make the writing stronger by offering a more intricate look into the history of martial arts and its positive impact on mental and physical health in adults. For example, Bruce Lee and his Jeet Kun-Do have actually evolved from simple martial arts to practically a religion because the meditation and motions required for the martial art requires the practitioner to center his mental abilities. This was long before the benefits of the art form and mental health were discovered. So looking into the actual foundation, not just the current trends and practices, can help your paper gain a more authoritative stance.

The paper also focuses solely on the physical aspect of the discussion, with little said or referred to regarding mental health. That is where the discussion point I provided above can actually help you better divide the discussion of the paper. This can and should be a longer analysis with the end result being a combination of your observations and opinions as to how overall physical and mental well being can benefit from the practice of any type of martial arts. Look into the meditation aspect of martial arts. Discuss specific martial arts, its meditative effects, and what the practitioners have to say about it. Don't focus on professional observations alone. The medical plus the actual practitioner insight will give further credence to your thesis.

Writing Feedback / Should governments impose more tax on fast food to avoid health problems on people - IELTS Writing 2 [3]

BAND SCORING = PRIVATE SERVICE, CONTACT US PRIVATELY. STUDENT SCORING = BAN !

There is no need to over discuss the presentation, leading you to write more words than the actual 40 minute time allowance requires. Learn to spot the difference in prompt instructions so that you will not over write in the presentation. All essays are 4 paragraph presentations except for essays that instruct you to "discuss both points of view and give an opinion". That is a 5 paragraph essay.

Avoid using special punctuation marks such as ellipses in the presentation paragraphs as you are writing an academic essay, not a creative story. This being an extent essay requires you to give a measured response based on a single or two opinions. So when you said "I agree", you lack the extent reference which is the strength of your belief in this opinion ( Strongly, partially, wholly, to the extent that...)

Like I previously said, there are only 2 reasoning paragraphs required for this essay. The third reason would have created a more cohesive discussion presentation had you chosen to us that instead of the current 2nd reason. Remember that your reasons need to have a sense of cohesiveness or a relationship between the reasons to help increase your C&C score.

Writing Feedback / Are consultants required in companies or should they simply listen to their employees? [2]

Scoring = Premium Service. Please contact us privately. Student Scoring = Ban!

The discussion itself lends highly credible information that would support your point of view. However, a clearer statement of your opinion in the first paragraph would have helped deliver immediate clarity and support to the given discussion reasons in the next few paragraphs. There is a strength in this discussion coming from the results of private consultants being hired by the company and your personal experience regarding the matter. All of these helped the essay deliver clear content and reasoning. It is a well written essay that I believe will score higher than average in an actual setting, regardless of the run-on sentences here and there, along with a few punctuation errors. Those did not impede the presentation in any way.

Writing Feedback / Describe a memorable celebration that I never forget [2]

The use of simple English in this presentation is good. The simplicity of your language presentation makes the topic easy to understand. However, there is a missing discussion point. Aside from the vivid description of the event, you should also be referring to some instances or reasons that make the Lunar New Year a memorable celebration for you. What is the personal reason? The description you gave could actually apply to any festival, any family, and any person describing an event. You need to make the reason for its memorable status stand out based on a personal memory or reason for it. Right now, I understand what the festival is all about, but not why these series of events would make the celebration memorable for you.

Scholarship / My educational program of enhancing Korean and English language proficiency before coming to Korea [2]

Remove the reference to Hong Sun Soo in the essay. To make this stronger. indicate instead that you are reading Korean materials that relate to your course of choice because you know that there is a higher than average likelihood that the classes will be taught in Hangeul. Thus, the best way to learn Hangeul is by also preparing for your future classes. Learning the language as used in teaching your courses will make it easier for you to adjust to the language used in class and converse with the professors. Or something to that effect. The rest of the explanations are acceptable and well balanced it appears that you have a clear and enforceable plan for your language studies so you do not have to worry about that. Just focus on using the Korean influence in an academic, rather than entertainment manner to help drive home the point that you are appropriately preparing for your potential classes.

Undergraduate / Ukrainian Student - AN EXCELLENT PARTICIPANT IN THE GLOBAL UGRAD PROGRAM [3]

You are only describing your extra curricular activities. You are clearly only participating in the activities that do not have a solid effect on changes in the lives of the members of the community. I know that you are trying to dramatize your participation and the situation in your country in an effort to create a seemingly leadership role for yourself where there is none. The reviewer will also see that and consider your application weak and irrelevant based on the prompt requirements. This is not a true leadership essay that would make you a contender for the program. It is a response to the question, but not one that will get you past the first round of considerations.

Undergraduate / My thirst for knowledge - benefitting from study at American University in Cairo [2]

The question is, to me, forward thinking in presentation. How will you benefit from a university education is equivalent to, how will your proposed course and institution help you achieve your ambitions and professional goals? Okay, you have settled on Electronics Engineering for your major. Now what? Explain why you believe that course holds the key to a better future for you. How did your interest in this field result in your desire for a college education?

It is not so much your desire to study at AUC that you have to justify so much as the way that you perceive this particular major as being beneficial to your personal situation in life, your professional path after graduation, and the influence you want to have in the field, or inspiring others you know of to aim for a college education as well. If you can explain the personal importance of a college education, then you will have partly accomplished the task. If you can further explain how that personal goal will help you get a better future based on the profession, then you will have completely represented the interests if the prompt.

Writing Feedback / The best food in the world IELTS Task 2 Academic [2]

It appears that you are immediately discussing the topic that was provided for the task. Which is good but, without the proper prompt restatement that explains why you should be discussing why you believe rice is the best food in the world, there is a missing link in the first paragraph. The missing link is the reason for the discussion and what the discussion parameters are. Even in the Task 1 essay for letter writing, you are to use the first paragraph to clearly explain the reason behind the letter. The same goes for the Task 2 essay.

You should aim to write a proper reverse summary in the last paragraph as well. Something that repeats the discussion topic, reasons, and your opinion, all within a 40 word presentation composed of 2 sentences or more. It will help you garner a better TA and C&C score.

Scholarship / Study plans to improve foreign languages (Korean, English, etc) required for taking a degree course [2]

Is this a language study plan for the U or G scholarship? You cannot just tell me it is for a degree course because both scholarship classifications are degree courses. One is of an undergraduate course, the other, is for a masters course.

Regardless of your accomplishments and perceived proficiency in the English language, you still need to come up with a proper learning plan for advanced English vocabulary. You can use the language center of the university you will be attending to do that. You may also refer to socializing with other scholars who may not be able to fluently speak Hangeul yet, but can converse in English.

You need to score higher than that TOPIK target if you want to remain in the program. The higher your proficiency score, the better your chances of retaining the scholarship. The conversational practice should not begin on the 9th month. That should be something you are already doing and will continue to do immediately upon arrival in Korea.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Writing Task 2 - Home Owning is by far more popular than House Renting [2]


- There was a direct question asked in response to this. Your answer is not direct. A direct response is required as the reason(s) behind the question. No discussion is required, just a topic outline to help support your response to the second question. Those 2 sentences at the end will create a clear thesis statement that delivers a clear opinion to the examiner. Your response only repeats the instruction which is not really helpful to your TA score. Only direct responses to the guide questions or discussion instructions can do that.

You did an excellent job in responding to the prompt discussion. You stayed on point and responded to each question clearly and accurately in each reasoning paragraph. However, the summary conclusion you wrote is less than 40 words. You need to type at least 40 words, composed of 2-3 sentence in this section so that it can be a properly scored reverse paraphrase.

Writing Feedback / Museums and art galleries? Everyone can observing artifacts and artistic creations in the internet [2]

Having written only 259 words, I do not feel like you have fully reached the potential of this essay to garner you a better than average score. If you write at least 275 words, you will have achieved a mid-range discussion presentation that will allow you avoid too many writing errors, and be considered for better scoring marks in every scoring section. Try that next time, it should do wonders for the clarity of your paragraphs as well.

Your paraphrasing is acceptable except for one small incorrect detail. You are using an extent response (completely) in giving your opinion when the requirement is a non-exaggerated response ( I disagree). State your response only in the manner instructed. I guess you are not too familiar with the various writing styles yet so that is what led to this response format misconception.

The concluding summary should be at least 40 words long. 2-3 sentences in that presentation will work very well in delivering a comprehensive review of the previous topic and reasons.

Letters / Motivation letter for the PhD programme at the Aarhus University Faculty of Arts [3]

The letter is good in the sense that you really show the development of your motivation and how you hope to continue learning about Art. However, it sometimes feels like there are irrelevant information included in your desire to heighten your profile as a potential applicant. Additionally, there seems to be a missing discussion link regarding why you are motivated to apply for the open call position. Why were you attracted to the open call? Why do you think you should be a part of this program based on the requirements they have for the applicants? Why at this university and why this graduate school at the faculty of arts? These are 2 questions that need to be addressed a part of the motivation. Personally, I believe the essay can do with some professional editing so that these important questions can be seamlessly integrated into the overall letter presentation.

Graduate / Agricultural economics and rural development - Graduate Program - GKS - Personal Statment [2]

The essay is a relaxing read that covers all of the elements required in the discussion. However, I feel like the portion regarding the college volunteer activity can do with a little bit more discussion. Perhaps include a reference as to how this experience has helped further fuel your desire to improve agricultural economics and rural development in your country? Relate your community service activity to the growth of that mindset as well. Those activities seem to have a direct relationship with your chosen masters course, but was left either ignored or under developed. It will not hurt your application to increase the discussion focus in relevant areas. I believe that these 2 presentations can help better highlight your application to the reviewer.

Additionally, a discussion on the relevance of your exposure as a student ambassador to the agricultural economics and rural development area could also help. I am assuming that this is a position you held as an undergraduate so it should be easy to connect it to the other discussion points and offer a relevant reason for presenting that information as a highlight.

Research Papers / The Effects of Human Activity on Climate Change (Seeking criticism and main points of weakness) [2]

Remove the in-text citation in the first paragraph. The first paragraph is your thesis paragraph or introduction to the topic so you do not need to refer to cited information at that point. You can integrate that information in a later paragraph. You do not need to have a citation in every paragraph. In fact, that seems to be the main problem with your information presentation.

The paper feels like more than half of it is based simply on in-text citations, cut and paste presentations meant to help you meet a word count requirement more than anything else. There is very little analysis in each paragraph because you are reliant on the information you have found to help create this reference paper. You need to reduce the citations and use more personal analysis in the paragraphs after every citation. The reason for that is that the professor will be looking for your insight and actual learning from the texts that you have been reading, in relation to the discussion you are trying to create.

Undergraduate / UGRAD - I can resolve Georgia's internal and external problems [3]

You are showing your leadership abilities as a team member. You speak of your training and development, but not of how you leadership skills have helped your community, which is the focal point of the leadership discussion. I have not seen any evidence that you have made any marked contributions to the community that you wish to be a part of in a more involved status after the semester abroad.

You have misunderstood the prompt requirement. The committee will consider the candidates who show a potential to be future leaders in both the private and government sectors of their country. This can be assessed by your community involvement and participation in notable community organizations within a leadership capacity. Though your intentions are clear and honest, there is no reference to any leadership within a community activity that resulted in something positive. That, is the main subject that you have to highlight in this discussion. You need to focus on your ability to see a problem, consider the solution, and work towards achieving that solution in reality.

Essays / PERSONAL STATEMENT - master program / knowledge and respect of Korean culture [2]

I cannot help you in this case because you did not post an essay for my review. Only you can write the essay based on the information provided because you know your background as it relates to the information requirement. All I can tell you, is that you have to write a balanced essay that properly delivers the required information. Focus the content heavily on information that will prove the following:

- The development of your research skills
- The person who influenced your decision to continue to higher studies
- The professional reason that makes you seek higher studies (related to helping your country)
- Academic and professional achievements that will help you become a competitive candidate

Other than these, you have to decide on the type of information and how you will present it. I look forward to reading your essay draft when you feel you are ready to have it reviewed.

Writing Feedback / Do you like living with wealthy people or those who come from different social class? [3]

Well, you definitely presented a clear choice in your first sentence in this paragraph. However, improper punctuation mark usage created confusion in the understanding of your presentation. You have a comma where a period is required and ellipses to represent a train of unspoken thought when the presentation should have instead ended. There are also improperly developed sentences that use wrong vocabulary ( ... children towards tend to be grumpies grumps). You have the ability to write in proper English grammar. You just need to work on your vocabulary and word usage. You can also write in an interesting manner. However, the errors in your presentation based on grammar rules and vocabulary guidelines are what prevented your paragraph from becoming a clearly enjoyable read.

Scholarship / I am a young leader, who is hunting for knowledge - UGRAD exchange program application [2]

The essay does not respond to the most important requirement of the essay which is a discussion of the evidence that proves you are currently a community leader and that you have the potential to be a future notable leader in your country. You keep on telling the reviewer that you are a community leader and that you have leadership skills. However, you have failed to justify those claims through your discussion presentation. As we often tell the students, show do not tell. Telling the reviewer is not the same as showing. When you show, you prove the discussion requirements. When you tell, you just imply your skills without evidence. This makes your application less considerable. You should work on focusing on the leadership and community leadership evidence requirement of the discussion prompt. This essay cannot be used for your application. Not a single part of it can be recycled for use in your new response essay.

Scholarship / COVID-19 x-ray medical images. How did you choose your proposed course and institution? [2]

Kick off the essay with the Indonesia-Australia Cooperation Covid 19 Response plan first. That way you immediately catch the eye of the reviewer and, clearly indicate, without even getting into the specific details yet, why you chose your proposed course and Australia for your advanced studies. I would like you remove the reference to the prospective supervisor if possible. That is because it will be better to keep this as a general statement that implies a willingness on your part to simply learn at the university, regardless of who you will be learning from and collaborating with. It will help to increase the general statement and heighten your application consideration to a certain level.

Undergraduate / "Write Down Your Key Achievements"- GIST undergraduate admission. If possible, kindly help me out. [2]

A reviewer will read this presentation and realize that there is nothing special about you. What you consider achievements are actually just "average" and easily accomplished by anybody who is involved in the same type of job, interests, and hobbies. It does not make you stand out as an applicant because there are no notable accomplishments to support these interests. Where are the awards and recognition?" Where are the published papers? Where is the leadership ability that affected a community positively? Where is the potential to be a notable member of the student community? No. This is not the type of response that will help your application advance at the university. These are not truly key achievements because every applicant can claim to have the same accomplishments, which also makes them an average applicant rather than a notable or stand out applicant.

Scholarship / Learning another way to think about things. Language study plan essay [3]

If you read the writing instructions for this part of the GKS application, you will notice that you are given only a limited space to write your response in and, you are instructed to delete the writing instructions / topic guidelines after you have responded to each part. That is because you are write only 1 - 2 paragraphs at the most in response to the question. The full response, based on each section you have to respond to, should not be more than 1 page. Therefore, you will need to write a response that is shorter than this. Make it concise. Type directly into the response box to make sure that you will not go over the allotted writing space. This essay is just too long for the allotted presentation space.

Scholarship / Aerospace engineer - concept, theory, or topic you have explored [2]

You failed to respond to the prompt in totality. You need to discuss your intellectual curiosity first, then why you were intrigued by it, and finally, how you will explore it as a college student. If you were fascinated by projectiles in motion, then say so but do not go into the history of what that is. You used almost the whole word allowance in just defining that, rather than explaining what intrigued you about it, say you became curious about how projectiles in motion can reach Mars within 2 days rather 6 months, or something like that. Then in the end, explain how you plan to explore this curious thought of yours by turning it into a reality as a college student. Do not refer to the masters degree yet. It seems you are still aiming to get your first degree at this point.

Writing Feedback / It is argued that people should take meat out of food list and become vegetarians. Do you agree? [2]

If you notice, in the original discussion, there is no argument being presented. Only an idea is being represented as a discussion topic. Then you were asked to agree or disagree with the idea. As there is no "argument" being presented, it is incorrect for you to represent it as such in the restatement. You have inaccurately restated the prompt. Do not use argument reference words where there are none or none is provided in the first presentation. Exaggerations such as these create prompt deviations as these change the original statement presentation. It will result in some percentage deductions in your TA score due to prompt restatement inaccuracy. Additionally, you are using an extent essay format ( I totally disagree...) where only a simple statement of your supported side is required.

You have several vocabulary issues in this presentation ranging from improper vocabulary usage to wrong spelling and use of a foreign language (Spanish word "mecina") in an English only essay. These are additional point deductions that will definitely prevent you from receiving a baseline passing score.

Writing Feedback / The idea of hosting an international sports events has brought several controversies. Pros and cons. [2]

You have over written this essay. You do not need more than 300 words in the presentation since you have only 40 minutes to write the perfect essay from drafting, editing, and finalizing the content. Do not just type as many words as you can for the heck of it. Remember, the number of words over the minimum word count are not scored. Write under the minimum word count and you receive a penalty, Write more than that, and you do not get any additional points for it. Rather, it opens you up to more writing errors and unclear paragraph presentations.

Try to open your paragraphs with topic sentences rather than memorized phrases like "On the one hand" and "first and foremost" because these do not help prove your English writing abilities in any way. Rather it unnecessarily lengthens the essay, without adding to any coherence or cohesive devices on which you are scored. Try to limit yourself to one reason per paragraph because, as you can see from your second rand third reasoning paragraphs, your second reasons are as not as well explained and developed as the paragraph presentations. This then lowered your paragraph score because it then became an under developed discussion presentation. This is precisely why you should not aim to write too many words in the essay. Anywhere between 250 -300 words will suffice and keep the essay on a clear track.

Writing Feedback / Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using intelligent robots [2]

Your first paragraph does not relate to the original topic presentation. It is not a prompt restatement but rather, an immediate discussion of the provided topic. You will not be able to get a good TA score in this section because you failed to properly restate the original discussion topic, the reasons for the discussion, and the proper discussion instruction you were provided. Your thesis statement totally altered the discussion presentation from an A/D paragraph presentation to a personally created prompt for the discussion. This will result in a failed Task Accuracy representation. You are not being asked to present an personal opinion in this task. You are being asked to only present the advantage and disadvantage sans a personal opinion. Do not include discussion actions not required in the original presentation. Had the essay asked you to "discuss both views and give an opinion", then your discussion format would have been more appropriate for the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Igcse English as a second language (0511) article writing [2]

Since you already knew beforehand that you are allowed to write only up to 210 words, why did you present me with a 224 word essay to review? You do know that you will be expected to edit your writing for word count and clarity during the actual test right? It is best that you begin that practice during your practice essays. That way you will be automatically trained to edit your word count, along with the clarity of the presentation. Remember to automatically do that next time. You will benefit from it during the actual test.

The first sentence of your article should be directly related to space exploration. When writing articles, the first sentence should always kick off with a topic sentence because the reader expects to be clued into the content of the presentation paragraph right off. I am not sure how beneficial the quote from Richard Ludwig will be during the actual test since you may not have the benefit of using the internet at the testing center. So it is better to stick to a personalized discussion of the given topic.

Kindly remember to proof read your paper for grammar and writing errors prior to submission. Failure to proofread results in words that do not need to be capitalized being capitalized and remaining so without correction. Such errors will affect your score because of your grammar rule violation. Proof reading and editing is of the utmost importance in any English language test as it proves your ability to correctly use the English language in the manner required.

Writing Feedback / "Many people think there is an increase of antisocial behavior and a lack of respect to others." [2]

In the prompt restatement, you are offering a factual statement rather than a representation of your understanding of the original discussion topic. What is provided for your interpretation is a questionable opinion from a public perspective. The repetition should follow those lines without changing the "questionable" aspect of the topic presentation. You could have better restated this as:

A portion of the population speculate that there is a growing trend towards unsociable conduct and impoliteness towards one another. I believe that this is caused by 2 reasons namely; ... The matter can be remedied through...

In the causes paragraph ( paragraph 2 ), you are over discussing the topic. This caused you to use 2 fully developed and related reasons and one under developed and little explored topic. Since the essay will be scored on Cohesiveness and Coherence, you should stick only 2 related discussion topics in a single paragraph. That is not impossible to do. You already did it for the first 2 reasons which are working overtime and stress.

Kindly notice how I restated the original topic without changing the original information. I merely changed the keywords and interpreted the topic based on my understanding of the original topic. Then I used 2 sentences to create my thesis presentation covering the causes and solutions/improvements with regards to the topic.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Master in Research and Innovation in Higher Education (MaRIHE) [3]

Words of uncertainty do not help your presentation. So the word "seems" in the first paragraph totally makes that part of the presentation useless. In fact, it is an unnecessary presentation in this letter. You can actually remove that and go immediately to the second paragraph presentation. Remember that the reviewers are pressed for time when reading applicant essays. They appreciate less flowery worded applications. Just get to the point as soon as you can so that they can fully consider everything about your application without having to wade through word fillers or irrelevant (as far as they are concerned) information.

Actually, the rest of the essay just needs to be edited for content and presentation. Like I said you tend to use too many words and representations when you should be direct to the point. Nothing a professional editing service cannot provide for you. You may wish to contact me directly for that service.

Writing Feedback / Spending money just when earn it or saving them for some future plans? [3]

Seeing that this is a prompt for a Task 2 essay, you will only have 40 minutes to write, edit, revise, and finalize your task discussion. Now, I understand that you can type in a manner that would shame a secretary in terms of speed, that does not equate to a properly formatted nor discussed task 2 essay. With only 40 minutes allotted, you should not be writing more than 300 words for this task. That is, if you want to focus on a higher score based on the scoring requirements, none of which consider the number of words that you can type. Rather, the cohesiveness and clarity of your discussion points matter the most when the examiner begins to score your work.

One of the major errors in your presentation is in the first paragraph. The prompt restatement. You did not simply restate the prompt as required, but you added information that is not a part of the originally presented discussion topic. The examiners dislike it very much when you add information to the restatement because that changes the original meaning of the prompt. Even if you finally get back on track to the original topic discussion, the damage has been done to the original presentation by your ill informed decision to include information that you want to state, regardless of its non-inclusion in the original presentation.

The task 2 essay does not require a research paper type of discussion nor analysis as you did in this paper. Learn to write clearly in a quick manner. That means, using no more than the 300 word allowance for writing. 5 sentences per paragraph will more than suffice in proving your comprehension and writing abilities. How else can you be judged on your ability to be able to clearly explain yourself to an ENL person right? Keep it simple. You are not writing an opinion paper for publication. You are merely proving your English writing and grammar skills.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 pros and cons: ocean creatures relocated in amusement parks [2]

Refrain from making factual statements in your presentations in relation to the restatements. You should not do that because you are not being asked to ascertain the accuracy of a given statement in the presentation. Rather, the presentation is only that of a topic sentence, which does not need any verification from the writer. Do not include writing actions that are not part of a proper restatement or response to the discussion question or instructions for the presentation.

As this is an "outweigh" discussion, there is no need to use a comparative discussion format. That is because you already stated a clear singular opinion in response to the discussion question. Both reasoning paragraphs will properly respond to the discussion requirement when you explain or defend only the side that you support or gave credence to in your thesis presentation.

The score is based on the clarity of your explanation of your point of view. You cannot achieve that when you give one opinion, but then try to defend both opinions in the reasoning paragraph. That creates an incoherent discussion presentation. It means your opinion is no longer clear to the reader because you went from believing in one opinion, to seeing the reason for both opinions. Meaning the task accuracy will be scored on an unclear opinion presentation, pulling down the possible score for that section and creating a heavy loss in your final scoring consideration.

Scholarship / Learning languages - my study plan. STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR KOREAN SCHOLARSHIP [3]

It is great that you are a polyglot, but that is not the focus of the essay. This is a single paragraph response to a series of discussion instructions. For the study plan, focus on how you are preparing to learn Hangeul, before and after your arrival in Korea. The second paragraph is a good start. Just incorporate your polyglot status into a single sentence at the start instead. Develop the paragraph to have a clearer indication of your language lessons. Not just through the watching of Korean dramas, but actual language learning either through apps, chatrooms, or other avenues of language learning.

Writing Feedback / It is unreasonable to say that a wild animal has no place in the 21st century. IELTS 2 [4]

Please contact us privately for scoring services. Student Scoring = Ban !

Your prompt restatement is totally incorrect. It does not refer to the information from the original prompt. You should have written this in a manner similar to the following:

There is an idea that free roaming animals have no relevance in the new millenia. Therefore, animal conservation in this instance is an inappropriate use of reserves. I completely disagree with this point of view owing to the reason that....

The second reasoning paragraph is more concise and coherent when compared to the first reasoning paragraph. The problem with the first reasoning paragraph is that you focused on the reasons, but neglected to develop the explanations. Which is why the 2 reasons did not nothing but present an under develop, non-cohesive, and little coherent explanation for the reasons. It is a paragraph that does not work to help your score because it lacks clarity.

Scholarship / Doctoral Degree for AAS 2021 [5]

You are constantly saying the same thing in the 3 reference points. You are failing to disclose the 3 methods by which you hope to achieve these intentions. For every intention, there must be a plan of action regarding its implementation and development. There are 3 areas you have to justify in this essay:

Knowledge - Information transference and sharing through a specific learning method. Either through workplace training of your peers or some other method

Learning Atmosphere - Perhaps you would be willing to be an online tutor to those wanting to develop their basic skills? Maybe become an in-class lecturer? Or something along those lines

Connections - promotion of the scholarship through network enhancement within your workplace or other channels. How would your network be able to help you further promote information sharing and development? Why would this benefit your country? These are some of the considerations for the networking explanation that you may consider.