Writing Feedback / IELTS2 Some people believe that the best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal life [2]

Scoring is a premium service. Contact us privately. Student scoring = Ban !

Your essay misses the minimum word count by only one word. That is too bad. Even a single word that makes you come under the word count will have a minimal effect on your TA score. Yes, it is minimal, but a deduction is still a deduction and could affect the final score for your paper in the end. Always write more than 250 words, but less than 300 words. 5 sentences per paragraph will automatically help you achieve the magic word count.

There will be additional TA points deductions in the prompt restatement section as you do not properly respond to the question for the discussion. Rather than an extent response, you provided only an opinion. Such a presentation is a prompt deviation which will be considered non-responsive to the discussion instruction / question provided. You will be score in the TA section on that basis. As such, the TA score will not be in the passing range and could actually help to further prevent your essay from achieving a passing score. That is because of the other scoring considerations where your essay also proves to have significant errors.

Scholarship / GKS-G Personal Statement - Creative Economy Diplomacy [3]

The way that you speak of the wealth that your family has highlights that you do not need this scholarship to gain an education overseas. Not as much as a far more deserving, economically challenged applicant for the scholarship. Your family background and perceived wealth, specially since you had the opportunity to pursue a double degree overseas, without the need for a scholarship, makes it highly evident that you have no need for financial support for your studies abroad. Your wealth is actually what weakens your application. If I were you, I would not speak of how your parents were able to easily afford your education, nor any reference to the wealth of your parents because it really makes you a weaker candidate. If you were chosen for the double major based on a scholarship, and did not need your parents financial support, because you were a scholar, then you have to make that clear in the paragraph.

Writing Feedback / TEM AND SEM ANALYSIS IN TITANIUM DIOIXDE NANOTUBE AND GRAPHENE OXIDE COMPOSITE [2]

It is more difficult to analyze this presentation for correct references and illustrative points because you did not include a copy of the image with the statement. At this point, I will just have to take your word for it and assume that your statements are based on accurate understandings of the illustrative images. You may way to separate these into figure paragraphs though to make it easier for the people to read and compare the content. As it is, the paper is difficult to follow.

What I do sense, is a sort of summarized presentation on your part. Rather than getting into the nitty gritty of the descriptive process, you are taking shortcuts in your presentation. Since I do not have a copy of the image to compare your writing to, I can only assume that you have reasons for doing this. However, just like with any instructional image, it is always best to thresh things out in the long form, rather than hoping that your short form is an accurate enough presentation of the original instructions and analysis.

Writing Feedback / In some countries, men and women are having children late in life. Indicate the causes and effects. [2]


- The essence of the sentence is correct, but the reference point is wrong. It is not "couples" that is referred to in the original, it is "some countries around the world". Therefore, your reference point should be a synonym of the same such as "Internationally, couples are..." or "There is a global trend of..." to name a few replacement references for the phrase.

Good work on your direct responses to the questions. These relevant topic references have clearly shown the examiner that you understood the questions, and will be discussing relevant subjects in the reasoning paragraphs. These will definitely help your TA and C&C scores.

Since you are being asked for your personal reference points, then you did a good job in using first person pronouns to clearly indicate your opinion. A general discussion would have worked, without reference to pronouns, but that would have lessened the impact and clarity of your discussion presentation. This way, the presentation remains cohesive based on the fact that you are making it clear that you are the speaker in the presentation.

This is missing a concluding paragraph. The presentation is open ended. The last paragraph is not an appropriate summary conclusion. Rather, it is an expanded discussion of your personal opinion. The essay would have been better had you decided to not write paragraph 3 anymore, since it is only an addendum to the previous paragraph, which already responded to the question. Instead, the current last paragraph appropriately responds to the second question, thus making the essay more cohesive and offering you a chance to write a more applicable reverse paraphrase.

Poetry / How to write an analysis of the poem? [4]

First, you will need to list the possible themes each covered in the poem.once you have thatist, yiu can decide on which of those you will base your analysis on. Tey to find a commonality in your analysis of the content that will relate to a character or theme. Then develop your title based on those elements.

Writing a poem analysis requires some deep thinking in your part. I have always told my students not to focus on the title of thwir analysis. Focus on the analysis first, the title will automatically come to you.

The writing devices can only help you find the theme or characterization of the written presentation. It will not help yoi develop a creative title. That will all depend upon how inspired you will be by the analysis that you have created for the poem.

Writing Feedback / IELTS General Writing Task 1: Seaside Hotel Booking [2]

We allow only 1 essay per thread. One more double essay posting and your account will be suspended !!!

Your first essay is a grammatical mess. You need to focus your lessons on the following:

- singular v. plural
- present, past, future tense usage
- simple sentence structuring
- punctuation usage

I cannot even begin to explain how grammatically incorrect your presentation is. I would have to rewrite the whole essay to show you how to correct all the errors in every sentence and paragraph presentation.

It is important that you stop writing practice essays at the moment. That is because you are still incapable of creating a basic English sentence, much less a paragraph. You would immediately get a failing score in the LR, and GRA sections based on this presentation, resulting in a final failing score.

Work on improving your vocabulary first, then learn the basic structures of a simple sentence. There are free apps that can help you do that.

Do not focus on the essay exercises yet. Your ESL skills will not allow you to create the kind of sentences that can help you pass the test yet.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 Advertisements are extremely successful at persuading people to buy things [3]

In the restatement paragraph, you should represent both public opinions from the original presentation. This is a requirement that will help you produce a more accurate representation of the original prompt and its discussion requirements. It is alright for you to support an opinion from the very start, provided you properly support it in the 3 reasoning paragraphs.

Your format is inappropriate as it does not use 3rd person references when discussing the general points of view for both parties, thus making it questionable as to whose opinion is being presented. You cannot use first person group pronouns throughout the essay because your opinion is to be presented separately as per the diacussion instructions. Represent the public opinion explanations first. Your personal opinion requires its own paragraph based on the 3 discussion format for this essay.

Writing Feedback / (Task 2)Topic: Technology is being used to monitor people. Will the pros of this outweigh the cons? [2]

The first paragraph does not contain enough of a restatement presentation for it to not be judged most as cut and paste presentation of specific aspects from the original prompt. It is important for your TA score to show that you have the ability to explain a topic that has been explained to you with originality and clarity. It is the essence of the original discussion you should be presenting in your own words, without and word usage taken from the original presentation.

As this is a single opinion essay, it is impoetant that you support youe opinion only with justifiable data rather than a comparative presentation. While your restatement shows a clear opinion, your reasoning paragraph creates confusion for the reader due to your sudden support for both opinions in the reasoning paragraphs. You have obviously not decided on a particular opinion to support, thus creating a divided opinion where you first stated, with clarity, an opinion that you actually support in the first paragraph. Focus on the reasons for the outweighing reasons only next time to avoid confusing your opinion and reasoning paragraphs next time.

Scholarship / Confidence and expertise - Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? [2]

The problem with this presentation is still the lack of leadership skills and your direct participation, in a leadership role, that created a positive effect on the lives of people. In this presentation you focus on the contribution of the organizations, not your personal contribution. Yes, you translated text to help the people learn. Where is the community leadership function in that? Yes the organization helpes fund some project. Did you have a leadership function in any of these scenarios? Do you see the problem with your choice of topic focus? It is difficult for you to justify a direct community participation and leadershop skill because of your follower, rather than leader function in the overall set up.

Graduate / Supply Chain - Personal Statement Graduate GKS, Industrial Engineering [2]

Though your introduction to Korea is an interesting aspect of this presentation, it does not reflect a direct connection between your academic and professional interests in relation to your interests in studying your masters course in Korea. The motivating factor has to be inspired by the accomplishments of Korea in the supply chain field and your desire to emulate certain specific factors in Indonesia. Though referred to in this essay, it is too simplistic and general in reference. These information should be more specific than the irrelevant and Hallyu reference at the start. Such common reference points as a motivation are common and unimpressive. You need to show your mature mindset by referring to Korea on an academic and professional basis.

Writing Feedback / In last 20 century the population city increases dramatically [2]

Sorry, no scoring unless you avail of our private review services. Students who score your essay will find their accounts immediately suspended. However, you will be able to figure out the type of score you will be getting based on the overall review of your essay that I will be providing.

You need to build your English vocabulary and also, your understanding of the meaning of English words. Your English word usage is obviously ESL beginner, which is the worst kind of English speaker as they normally cannot form clearly presented, coherent sentences. That is the main problem with your presentation. You also did not respond properly to the question provided which is "To what extent" instead, you only agree, without a degree of measurement such as "I strongly agree / disagree". Your thesis presentation is incomplete as you do not clue in the examiner on the reason behind your opinion. For example, you could have said: " I based this opinion on the publicly known information that..."

This is only a 4 paragraph essay because it is not a comparative plus personal opinion essay. While you will not be losing any points for writing 5 paragraphs, writing 5 problematic paragraphs only creates more errors on your part that, in this case, further led to the failing score of this essay.

Scholarship / Essay AAS for Master of Public Health degree in Australia [3]

For starters, separate the presentation into topic paragraphs for easy reading. This current format is hard on the eyes, making it difficult to read. The compressed words do not help the reviewer gain a sense of clarity in your writing. It also makes it difficult to follow what you are trying to say.

Separate the university and course choice discussions. One paragraph, one university, one related course. Never try to qualify the universities on the same strengths because these universities have a preference ranking with you, based on your academic and professional requirements. Since you have only 400 words to use in response, you may want to focus specifically on the university and course choices rather than the lengthy explanation of the profession you are engaged in. Rather than introducing that separately, integrate the information instead as one of the deciding factors for your course and university choices. That way the presentation becomes short, informative, and relevant on all fronts.

Writing Feedback / Social networks are gradually replacing the direct communication among many people [2]

Okay, I am not going to review this essay beyond the task accuracy requirements and your writing response. Since you wrote only 222 words, the essay will automatically receive points deductions for an incomplete minimum word count. This could actually cause you to get a final failing score in the actual test because the TA requirements for writing were not met.

Your response is correct in the sense that you focused your response to the question on the "outweigh" section of the question. Your reasoning responses also focused on this defense although some paragraphs are better presented than the others in terms of clarity and connected explanations / examples.

The next problem though, is in the concluding summary, which you failed to properly write. You did not stick to simply repeating your opinion and reasons, you changed the discussion angle from the "outweigh" portion to "advantages and disadvantages". You changed the discussion parameters at the end, which is not good for your final scoring consideration. Just summarize the presentation next time.

Writing Feedback / Making the band the best it can be. Is my drum major essay good? [2]

I am not really sure how good this essay is because I am not familiar with the writing requirements for the essay. I am sure you were asked to write about specific things right? Respond to direct questions? I am not sure how well you did in those aspects because there is no guideline for the review. Anyway, I can still give you a general review of your work just the same.

It would be best for you to not use the word "I think" as that connotes uncertainty on your part and a slight unwillingness to accomplish something. You have already thrown in the idea that you are willing to do anything to become a drum major so suddenly throwing that wrench in with "I think that I would be willing" kind of throws water on the first, the excitement and certainty that you first created.

Aside from that observation, you appear to have a strong inclination to be a drum major in the band and, you are willing to do and say anything to get the spot. Your eagerness if strong and your abilities are well enumerated. I hope the band directors see you in the same way. I wish you the best of luck with your application. Let us know how it goes.

Graduate / Fascination for things that fly. Personal statement for MS in Aerospace Engineering [2]

The Personal Statement should not be so loaded with the courses you completed both on and offline. You practically listed all of the courses that you took while a student and during your private time. Choose only the subjects that are pre-requisites for the courses you will be taking under this masters course. You should also include a reference to your professional exposure which further fueled your interests in this field. Right now, You are over informing based on courses taken. As for awards won and nominations, save those for the statement of purpose where it can help to enhance your professional and theoretical skills presentation.

I am not convinced by the reasons you provided for your university choice. It is so generic, it could apply to any university you are applying to. For the university aspect, you need to provide more specifics regarding the unique course syllabus they are offering and also, why you believe that additional training in this course, in the country you have chosen will actually help to enhance your professional and theoretical skills.

Undergraduate / Own glass of lemonade. A REALIZATION THAT SPARKED A PERIOD OF PERSONAL GROWTH OR NEW UNDERSTANDING [2]

You are spreading yourself too thin in this essay. You only need one period of realization. The Lemon and Lemonade discussion already accomplished that effectively. However, the second the last paragraph confuses the presentation. The life lesson there is no longer related to the previous discussion. Remove that paragraph and the essay will be good to go. By the way, in the third paragraph, before you use the "lemonade" mention, don't forget to use the "lemon" presentation first. Use the actual word since you mentioned that you were dealing with "lemons and lemonade". When using an analogy, always use both representations otherwise the reader will wonder where the other part of the representation comes in. It makes the presentation uneven.

Scholarship / Being resilient - Personal Statement GKS-G MBA Aspirant [3]

Will you be presenting evidence of your being a Korean War descendant? The reason I ask is because of the heavy focus your paper has on your Korean heritage, despite being a Mexican. I understand that this will make your application quite strong, compared to the other applicants. However, this background does not really provide any interesting and significant experiences, achievements, activities, or other considerations for your application. I do not know if it is because you decided to focus on the descendant aspect, or if it is because there is a real weakness to your information for consideration once the reviewer gets past the Korean war connection.

I do not read any evidence of your familiarity with the Korean culture and working style in a manner that would prove that you were truly raised in the Korean way, based on the family background. It has to go beyond food and character aspects. You should not be telling the reviewer these things, you have to show it within your family background, relationships, education, and work ethic. All of which are sorely lacking in this presentation.

Scholarship / Australia Awards Scholarship Essay (Master of Public Policy) [3]


- Do not make this a side note. Make this a part of the statement since it is highly relevant information at the moment.


Do not use quoted information and reference to sources as a part of your response. Use your own words. This has to be a personal explanation. Remember the reference point for the response is "Why did YOU choose", therefore, the reason must be persona, even if based on a national plan or government program. Just frame it for a personal reference. Everything else in the presentation is acceptable.

You have a pretty well developed paragraph in relation to your course and university choice based on its relevance to your career requirements. I believe these are the best parts of your presentation. The areas I pointed out above are what I view to be problem points that need to be improved to better relate to the later paragraph presentations.

Writing Feedback / Describe a graph about the number of common Dolphins seen in Santa Barbara Channel from 1996-2001. [2]

This type of data reporting or summary presentation will not get a passing score in an actual test. Why? Well, for starters, the minimum word count is 150 words. You only wrote 81 words. That means you will lose a certain percentage of TA points for not writing the minimum word count. The large percentage of deductions in your TA presentation will result in an automatic TA failing score. Which, unfortunately, means that you will not be able to catch up with the remaining scoring considerations for you to be able to get a passing score. I am sorry about that. I will not be able to help you beyond this point because of the lack of proper paragraph presentations. Please write a new essay that presents the standard 3 paragraph presentation composed of 1 summary overview and 2 information detail paragraphs. Once you write a new essay that meets the minimum paragraph and word count requirements, I will be able to properly assess your essay and offer useful recommendations for improvement.

Graduate / GKS-G Personal Statement for AI & Natural Language Processing [2]

The early part of the essay is a good introduction to your profession, but does not really apply itself as a motivational response. The motivational response should depict the experiences that you have had within the world of Machine Translation that has influenced your desire to attend this specific masters course. The first few paragraph lends itself mostly to the development of your interest in the course. However, being a G applicant means that you are beyond the high school. You need to portray your motivation in a manner that allows the reviewer to see your motivation as a forward thinking professional. Someone who wants to come to Korea, as a part of the motivating factors, because of the trends that Korean Machine Translation has set as international standards. Think of what you want to achieve as supported by the learning potential offered by Korea along these lines. You have created a tentative mention of this, but not solid enough to create a strong and convincing motivation factor.

While you can mention the other relevant activities you have had in relation to risks taken and accomplishments, try to play up the EM+Projext "X" aspect. That is a considerable accomplishment that relates to your ability to function as an international scholar. It will show that you understand the risks you have to take and what you are expected to accomplish and, most importantly, that you can accomplish what is expected of your as a scholar.

Writing Feedback / To Defund or To Not Defund The Police [2]

Try to provide a backstory in the first paragraph regarding the development of the movement to defund the police. The first paragraph should educate the reader as to how the situation developed and what strong historical reasons back the claim to remove police funding from the blue. If you can provide even a simple or recent history of the movement, then the first paragraph will have succeeded in offering an informative backgrounder prior to your thesis statement.

Your first paragraph should also respond to the question provided. You need to provide your direct opinion as a part of the thesis statement. Do you believe the cops should be defunded? If yes, why? If no, why? Then present the reform statement at the end. The first paragraph should effectively sum up the discussion topics you will be providing to support your opinion. That is currently the weakest aspect of the first paragraph. You can develop that paragraph further if the word count requirement will allow for it.

The question provided seems to be one of a personal opinion statement. However, you have presented a general discussion statement based on research public opinion. I am not sure if that is the right approach to take with this essay due to the pointed prompt provided. I suggest you ask your professor if you should use a public or personal statement for the discussion as that was not made clear by the prompt due to non-indicated writing requirements. Overall though, the essay is good, informative, and takes a stand with regards to the prompt presented.

Writing Feedback / Essay about directing youngsters to be admirable global citizens [2]

Your first sentence is not in accordance with the original topic provided. There is no reference to a global citizen. nor is there a implication of "imperative boost in social flourish". Where did you get the idea to use such an alternative discussion topic? This creates a severe topic deviation that shows you did not fully understand the original prompt topic. I understand that you were trying to boost your LR score, but you have to do so without altering the original thought presentation. Stick only to the facts provided or risk getting TA score deductions. Why are you using measured references for the opinions presented? You are severely altering the original prompt to the point where your response is risking becoming non-prompt compliant. Which could lead to a failing score in the presentation. Just stick to the basic facts and stop exaggerating. That is one of the major dislikes of examiners that can affect your final overall score.

You have provided your personal opinion in both reasoning paragraphs. You have not, as per the prompt requirements, explained the reason behind the public support for each point of view before you gave an explanation of your opinion. The discussions, as you present them to the reader, due to the lack of pronoun usage, does not clarify if these are public opinion explanations or personal opinion explanations. The use of the pronouns are needed, in the third person, to address the 3 point of view discussion paragraphs.

Letters / [GKS-G] Letter Of Recommendation on behalf of my manager for application of GKS-G [2]

A formal background introduction of the person referring you is required in the first paragraph. He must introduce himself by name, his position, how long he has held the position, what capacity you worked in for his company, what role he fulfilled as your supervisor, and the length of time (inclusive of years) he worked with you.

The only aspect of this recommendation letter that must be given is your professional ability. The person does not have the ability to judge you as a student. He can judge your work ethic, but nothing more. It is quite obvious that the letter was written by the student and not by the referee. All because the content of this letter is equivalent to the same message that you gave in your application essays. The reviewers are trained to spot these types of letters and will therefore, declare your application invalid due to fraudulent papers submitted ( the recommendation letter). You can only fix this problem by asking the person to write the letter personally. Do not write the letter for them because your personal connection to the writing of the letter is too evident as it does not focus on the correct recommendation information as required.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 about historical subjects [2]


- Good measured response, lacking a clear thesis presentation though. Rather than "the following reasons", providing 2 topic sentences to show the upcoming flow of discussion in the 2 reasoning paragraphs would have created a clearer preliminary explanation and stronger opinion statement.

I realize that some teachers prefer to have students use memorized phrases to help them write their sentences more easily. However, these useless phrases (On the one hand, on the other hand, In conclusion) do not help to increase any part of your scoring requirements. Which is why a new presentation of the topic sentences, or proper sentence introductions to the topic of the paragraph will always help you score better. Clarity is always better in any part of the essay presentation. That is something you cannot achieve by using memorized phrases.

You forgot to reiterate your opinion in the concluding statement. You could have used that reiteration to effective close the paragraph rather than using the memorized phrase, "In conclusion". You could have instead said something like:

These are the reasons why I can only partly agree with the idea that...

The examiner will know that it is a reference indicative of a concluding summary. Why? The total paragraph will repeat all the required information in short form. That, is all the concluding summary requires and that, is what he should read in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Is United States prepared for the upcoming COVID-19 Vaccine demand? [2]


-Linked in is not considered a proper academic, nor journalistic reference for any opinion or research paper. You need to use a more acceptable reference coming from verifiable and uneasily manipulated sources. LinkedIn is too open source for it to be an acceptable citation in your paper.


- Indicate the date, time, location, and person who gave out the information. Otherwise the reference becomes questionable and unverified. It makes the paper contain questionable information rather than factual representations of researched data.

The paper seems to be filled with more information from other sources and lacking in your analysis of the information. The presentation is only a little better than being a cut and paste of information compiled from various sources. In the sections where you do pose an explanation or opinion, it feels rushed, under developed, little analyzed, and mostly, just there to fill in the word requirement for the report. I know you can do a better job than this.

Graduate / Cambodia Development - AAS Application: Why did you choose your proposed course [2]

How does your proposed course relate, in a professional manner, to addressing the needs of Cambodia? You gave a definitive description of the waste management problem in the country, but you failed to relate that to the reasons why you chose to study Environmental Engineering in Australia. You did not indicate a university choice and relevant program of study, as it relates to your desire to improve your professional skills to help resolve the waste situation in your country.

I am afraid you will need to revise the whole essay. The current presentation is good, but lacking in proper reference points to address the why's of the prompt. A more solid focus on responding to the questions, while summarizing the need for waste management professionals in Cambodia would better suit the prompt discussion presentation.

Writing Feedback / Advantages of living in rural areas and urban areas [2]

I cannot accurately assess your work for prompt adherence due to the missing prompt requirement. The prompt gives me the actual basis for reviewing your essay. There are several prompt related to this topic so, even though I have copies of those prompts, I cannot guess which one you are actually using. The advice I give is prompt dependent for accuracy. So I will just give you a general review in this case.

Review your plural v. singular lessons. Areas is the plural form of area so you cannot say "areas is", you have to say "areas are" since are is the present indicative pronoun required in the sentence presentation. Memorized phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" do not really help to advance your GRA score. These place holders should be replaced in your actual presentations by sentence topics instead, which helps to clearly inform the reader regarding the topic that will be discussed in the paragraph presentation.

Scholarship / Teaching English language (Australia Award Scholarship) Master Degree in TESOL [3]

The question is, why did you choose your proposed course. Is TESOL the proposed course? The response to the question needs to lead in with that response. Why you chose to study TESOL at this time as it is relevant to your future career prospects is the only important information in this case. So the first paragraph can be deleted, with the second paragraph revised to provide the reviewer with a direct response to the proposed course part of the prompt.

The second paragraph, referring to the chosen institution, should be more targeted in nature. The response needs to show that you have an insight into how the TESOL offering of the university aligns with your academic goals and professional ambitions. You have provided only researched information in regard to that prompt question, making it a useless response presentation that has nothing to do with your academic and professional considerations.

Scholarship / Personal statement for Environmental landscape Architecture master programme [2]

The essay is based ont he previous prompt requirements for the GKS-G program. You need to write the essay based on the new prompt requirements. The prompts for that are available with your application packet or via Google. Consider the new prompt requirements when you develop the new personal statement. You have to make sure that you align your responses to the required information as irrelevant details will disqualify your application from the first consideration round. I will advise you to work with a professional writer for your paper. A professional writer will be able to help you create a more understandable essay. Your grasp of the English language, based on this paper, is limited and reliant on software translation, which did not do a very good job of translating your text from your original language to English. It is important for you to respond to the questions and, deliver the information in a manner that the reviewer can easily use in considering your application. Right now, this essay will not accomplish the task you need it to.

Undergraduate / College Supplementary Essay (Computer Science Major) [3]

This is an excellent piece of creative writing. It would be considered an excellent piece of story telling, but, it will never be considered a direct response to the question provided by the prompt. There is no lesson learned in this experience presentation. You are too hard on yourself in this presentation. You present all of the problems you encountered, but did not address a solution in an adult manner. Rather, after you fell into darkness, you stayed there. That is what the essay tells the reviewer, which I am sure is not the story you want to tell. I believe that you have over dramatized the situation, which is why you lost focus on what the prompt really wants you to discuss. This is a personal challenge, yes. However, you seem to not have overcome the challenge and instead, wallowed in self pity, which is not the kind of character an incoming college freshman should have. This essay shows that you are not prepared to enter college. It is not going to help your application. Change your approach to the discussion.

Undergraduate / PERSONAL STATEMENT TO UNIVERSITY - BUSINESS AND MANAGEMENT [3]

What is the prompt of the personal statement? Were there any writing guidelines for you to follow? I am not certain how to review the paper for you with regards to length and content because of the lack of instructions for the writing. However, I will do my best using only the general guidelines for PS writing. I hope it will be helpful to you.

The story focuses too much on your mother and very little on yourself. Your mother is not the applicant to the university so why are you so focused on her story? The reference point you are using to show the development of your interest in business administration is not really applicable as it discusses your mother's development, rather than your own. Refocus the story to a shorter extent and this time, use it only as a reference point for the development of your own interests. The reviewer doesn't need to know your mother's backstory, just how certain aspects of it relates to your own, in summarized form.

Scholarship / 2022 Australia Awards Scholarship Essay - Applied economics [4]

I do not see any reason for you to be lecturing the reviewer regarding the definition of Economics. That presentation is just a word filler, which is really unnecessary in this case. The mention of Covid - 19 does not really makes sense in the overall scheme so that reference seems irrelevant as well. I believe that your opening statement is a waste of word count that could better be used elsewhere. You may delete that paragraph and use it to better develop the discussions regarding your course and institution choices instead.

What is the connection of Parliament House to your application? It is not the Parliament House of your country so its location does not really help you learn in relation to Economics. How were these program choices influenced by the demands of your current profession? That is what you should be discussing in those 2 paragraphs instead. Each course should have a relevant application in your workplace. Discuss the relationship. There is room for further clarity in your explanation, develop the essay further within the 400 word count. You will be able to retrieve word allowance by deleting the opening paragraph like I said earlier. The revise the second paragraph to create a more focused introduction. Leave Covid-19 out of the discussion presentation altogether.

Graduate / Spreading myself too thin on Cover letter/Personal Statement for Aerospace Engg, ISAE-SUPAERO? [3]

The second to the last paragraph is practically the most important aspect of this personal statement and you dropped the ball. Develop that further, definitely thresh out the discussion in terms of why you chose to study in France, based on its aeronautics technological superiority and your future career ambitions. Relate the discussion to a future you see for yourself as a leader in this field. Develop the "how the program will help your future career" as a stand alone paragraph. Be detailed since there is no maximum word count. This is an interview after all so say what you have to say, without limits if none are given. You can always edit it later on for clarity and cohesiveness.

Writing Feedback / Conversations in person are gradually being replaced by internet communications through social apps [2]

You need to refer to the keyword from the original essay which is "outweigh". The missing synonym for this word is what makes your last sentence in the prompt restatement partially incorrect. It would have been better presented as "The drawbacks of these technologies eclipse / exceed / predominate / outbalance ( synonym words for outweigh) ...

Your discussion does not provide evidence that would prove your opinion. This is a single opinion essay. So you cannot use the comparative discussion format. Since you say the negatives outweigh the positives, then you need to explain why this is so. There is no clear sense of a discussion that weighs consideration factors in the presentation. Just a continued discussion of a/d, which is different from the "outweigh" discussion.

Writing Feedback / Informing about the latest criminal news and its impact on young members of society - IELTS 2 [3]

Okay, I won't even get into the nitty gritty of the mistakes that your writing presentation has. The very first error that the examiner will see, and will react to with a failing score for your C&C, LR, and GRA sections, will be the way that you wrote the essay. You are using SMS vocabulary for an academic paper. That is an automatic fail.

Do not treat this like some sort of joke. If you want to study in an English language institution, in a place of formal academic learning, you need to leave your social media speak behind, or you will never make it. Nobody who uses text speak in the IELTS or TOEFL test has ever passed. Believe me when I tell you this. No matter how long your essay is, when it is improperly presented, you lose your chance to show the examiner that you have what it takes to pass the test. All because you chose to treat the test like your social media account instead of a test that has your educational and professional future riding on it.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, shopping online has been spread widely over the world [2]

For band scoring, you will need to refer to our premium services where I will privately review and score your essay. Do not rely on scores provided by fellow students, should any of them try to do so (at the risk of account suspension) because they are not trained professionals who can accurately score your work based on specific criteria.

Your first paragraph should be a clear representation or restatement of the original discussion. I do not see a reference to all of the keyword elements from the original. You have a single line representing the restatement that does not respond to the question provided nor do you offer a clear idea as to what the actual discussion will be covering. You have responded that there are downsides with justifiable returns. That is not the question being asked. The question is whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your response is not in accordance with the discussion instructions. The response is therefore, in error and cannot receive a passing TA score based on the prompt requirements for that section. Add to that the other problems of the essay in thought clarity, grammar usage, among others, and you have a non-passing essay presentation. The overall thought process is also scattered, lacking in definite focus for the discussion. You are not on target with this written presentation.

Writing Feedback / [Writing Task 2]Topic summarize: Some countries have many aged people. What are the effects of this? [3]

When you say "As the figures show...", that means the reader will have access to an image that will prove your claim. However, there is no image supplied in a Task 2 essay. Therefore, your restatement of that section of the original prompt is incorrect. Rather than referring to an image, you should be referring to publicly known information for the restatement such as "Various countries show an increased population above the age of 60." While you can use the semicolon in this instance, the next string of thought is not related to the previous statement so it would be better to place a pause in that section using a period. Then stating the next topic for discussion. For that part, there is no need to refer to various number of deaths, just the positive and negative impacts of the age situation.

I understand that you will take the CBT for this, which is why you are typing so many words. However, it would be better for the balanced presentation of your information to stick to the word range of 250-290 words. That is because, as i read your essay, it became clear to me that you are not focused on the coherence and cohesiveness of your explanation, upon which you are scored. You are only focused on the number of words, on which you are NOT scored. If your essay shows underdeveloped explanations due to the number of topics in a paragraph, but little developed explanations, you will find yourself scoring less rather than more in the TA and C&C sections.

Now, I also know what you are studying from a book, which will teach you differently from the way I teach the self-study students here. I am not going to debate how the book teaches you how to write, what other websites say, or how your tutor teaches you. This is a one time review of this paper. If my advice is unacceptable or questionable to you, then please, feel free not to post in this forum anymore. Refer instead to your book and or your tutor.

Undergraduate / '...feel the sweetness of life after struggling'; GKS Undergraduate application - personal statement [2]

The motivation factor being referred to in this case is not your motivation to study in Korea. Rather, it is a your career motivation that led you to decide that Korea is the best place for you to pursue your masters course. The motivation should answer the question "Why Korea instead of Indonesia for your masters studies?" So the quote that you used at the start is irrelevant. Personal statement should rely solely on your own words to describe your responses. The quote is not appropriate as a motivational statement because it does not ask you why you want to go to Korea to study but rather, what motivates you to study the masters course in Korea. The keyword is "program". The program is the masters course.

You are over focused on the GKS alumna and how you inspired your decision to study in Korea. However, her inspiration does not relate back to a career inspiration or something relevant. the inspiration and role model should again, be related to the reason why you want to become a better professional through the help of the GKS, it is not about going to Korea simply for the life experience and social development, which is what is starting to become the prominent aspect of this personal statement.

The overall presentation is incomplete when you compare it to the prompt requirements. Perhaps because you did not truly understand the requirements for the response. You created an extremely wordy essay that focused on something you mentally set as the central discussion point of your essay rather than considering the individual responses to required information. Based on this presentation, you will not qualify beyond the 1st consideration round.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the advantages and disadvantages of Internet for Ielts Task 2 [3]

Aside from the discussion of the advantage and disadvantage of the internet, the main question, which you failed to respond to in the presentation is; 'To what extent do you agree or disagree?" The basis of your thesis statement response is therefore, incorrect as you did not give the correct measured response to the question. Instead, you indicated an irrelevant response regarding the internet developing and proliferating rapidly in future. Reading this incorrect response from you will make the examiner give you a failing score in the TA section due to a response error. It is unrelated to the task provided.

The discussion should have represented 2 reasons that show the extent of your dis/agreement with the given statement. Instead you offered a comparative discussion that does not relate to the measured response discussion requirement. Hence the misdirected response presentation.

Scholarship / 2021 GKS SCHOLARSHIP - PERSONAL STATEMENT - INTERNATIONAL TRADE [2]

Hi Sharon. Listen, I can really see the sincerity in your application. You are doing your best to prove that you have a clear motivation, a career path, and an interest in Korea as a country and a center of education. However, you are missing several key points in the presentation based on the new requirements for the personal statement. As I am sure that you have a copy of the e-application packet, you should be able to easily access the personal statement form and read the prompt requirements. You will be able to decipher for yourself which aspects you failed to present in this essay and what you have to remove. Your essay is more slanted towards the old prompt requirements, which means you are missing several key points in this presentation. Kindly review the prompt requirements and adjust your presentation accordingly. Your current presentation does not fulfill the needed information and as such, will not help the reviewer to appropriately consider your application for the scholarship program.