Scholarship / University Scholarship Essay Prompt: Write about a contemporary figure you admire (4000 characters) [2]

Does the character count include spaces or not? If it includes spaces, you need to cut this down by 760 words. What words or sentences to cut will be up to you. If it doesn't include spaces, then you still have 69 characters to use. Again, the editing of the content is up to you. I will only review the relevance, impressiveness, and possible improvements of your content.

Be aware of the timeline in your presentation. The first half of your essay speaks of the past of The Rock. So use the past form of reference words in that section. Simple errors like that really affect the clarity of the presentation and shows the reviewer whether you actually took the time to review the paper or not. Perfect your grammar at every turn.

There isn't enough of a parallelism between you and The Rock for the reviewer to be moved by the essay. The parallelism is important because it shows a strong influence of the contemporary figure upon the development of your character or sense of maturity as a person. It would serve your essay well if you could pick out a clear series of relatable points between the two of you that would help illustrate the kind of influence his story exerted on your personal development.

Open with your story first. Then go into the story of Dwayne Johnson. Find out how similar you are to Dwayne instead of The Rock. Look at the person for the things you admire. The Rock is the image. Dwayne Johnson is the human being behind the image. It is Dwayne you should be influenced by. The Rock, should only be the starting, not the focal point of your presentation.

Writing Feedback / Writing: Causes of water's shortage and how to fix it [3]

In the cause and solution essay, you have to remember 2 things:
1. Never include information not found in the original prompt. Reference to this in your essay is the first sentence in the paraphrased presentation.
2. Always outline the topic for discussion. In this case present 2 related causes that can be discussed in 1 paragraph and 2 solutions related to the 2 problems, also discussed in one paragraph (reasoning paragraphs).

You have to outline your discussion points in the last 2 or 3 sentences of the paraphrase section because the examiner will want to see the extent of your understanding of the given topic. This will be considered alongside the relevance of your reasoning topics. All of which will add up to the highest possible TA score for your presentation.

Based on the discussion instructions, you will know if you will be writing a 4 or 5 paragraph essay. Based on the given discussion, this is only a 4 paragraph discussion. The 5 paragraph essay is only for public opinion comparisons with a personal opinion presentation. You have to try and develop your topic combination discussions in single paragraphs. Use connecting sentences to accomplish that.

The conclusion should not contain your personal opinion. It should always reflect the following:
- Restatement of the prompt
- Causes summary (topic sentences only)
- Solutions (topic sentences only)
- Closing sentence

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Boarding schools are excellent for children, according to some people's opinion [6]

A Task 2 test will never ask you to reach a conclusion. You misinterpreted the discussion instruction which is "Discuss both points of view and give your personal opinion." An opinion is different from a conclusion. By definition:

Conclusion - the last main division of a discourse, usually containing a summing up of the points and a statement of opinion or decisions reached.

Opinion - a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

The latter is what the task 2 essay always asks the writer to deliver as a part of the point of view analysis. You were to explain the public opinion based on publicly known reasons or opinions for the first part of the presentation. Then you present your personal opinion after you consider the public point of view. You can either present a single opinion based on a side you support or an opinion of each public point of view that considers the discussion in comparison to your opinion of the public perception.

Your restatement is insufficient. You did not include the reference requirement to your personal point of view in the discussion aspect. By the way, you are discussing the opinions solely from a personal point of view rather than the :

Public opinion + explanation + personal opinion+ explanation

format. You have not delivered a clear explanation that separates the public from the personal through the use of appropriate genderless pronouns. The essay is also too long for an opinion discussion. You should have been able to do this within 290 words. Your explanations need more work if we are to consider the proper and expected discussion format.

Undergraduate / 'Blue scrubs was all I knew growing up' - An event that sparked a period of personal growth. [2]

The focus of this essay is too much on your grandmother, the relationship you have with your grandmother, and her influence on you. It does not focus on the true target of this essay. There is no clear singular event, accomplishment, or realization in this essay. The portion regarding personal growth should connect more with you and your understanding of yourself rather than the approval of others in relation to something you consider a personal accomplishment.

You do not really discuss a period of personal development in this essay that could be considered notable. That is most likely because the focus of the essay was not truly on you but on other people. You spoke of your classmates, Mrs. Noble, even your grandmother. You did not speak of yourself in relation to the event. The essay is all over the place and needs to have a better focus.

If you do not want to write a new essay that will better address this prompt, use the generic prompt instead that allows you to create a topic of your own creation for the prompt. Yes, I believe this presentation will work best under that discussion requirement.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Line graph about Internet users as percentage of population in three countries [3]

Using the 4 paragraph presentation is not helpful when you do not have enough information to complete a 4 paragraph data analysis presentation. Your summary overview should include the trending statement to help you get the best possible TA score. The TA score is based on the clarity of your summary and a proper presentation of the highs and lows information in the essay. It should be complete enough to inform the reader, even if the reader does not complete reading the whole report presentation.

While a simple mistake such as using the word American in place of USA will probably not seriously affect your overall score, it might make the examiner think twice about your LR abilities. After all, the graph says USA, which could also be called America, but American, refers to the person from America, not the country as indicated in the line graph description.

For a more balanced presentation and, to allow you the opportunity to present your actual GRA skills, balance the paragraph sentence presentations. Use the 3-5 sentence presentation consistently so that you can better develop your simple and complex sentence presentations. Most of your sentences are just run-on sentence. If you use individual sentences for the report and allow yourself to use more punctuation marks within the simple and complex sentence presentations, you should score far better than if you just kept using a comma in every sentence presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Line chart comparing international conferences in 3 cities [5]

Your opening sentence is not paraphrased enough for the examiner to believe that you did not do a simple cut and paste of the original information. It still uses too much of the original words from the original instruction. You should not use any part of the prompt presentation in your restatement. By the way, in your restatement, you claimed mere cities when the paraphrase should have included the word "major" to take the place of the word "capital" to describe the cities positioning. The information should also follow the 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph. Simply combining your trending statement with the summary overview would have helped you overcome that sentence requirement problem.

The green line shows that it had crossed into the other 2 lines in 1995. There is no analytical reference to this part in your presentation. You have to explain that the numbers were equal for these cities during that period, providing an estimate of the possible equal numbers during the presentation. Such a discussion will help increase your score based on the "comparisons where relevant" part of the instructions for the report.

Scholarship / The field of law - Motivation PERSONAL STATEMENT - KGSP [3]

The personal statement for the GKS scholarship is not individually written. You must have a copy of the topics for discussion right? Write a complete essay that will fit on the 2 page A4 size paper that addresses all of the topics collectively. A paragraph or two for each instruction should suffice. Think long and hard about your responses. If I were to base the rest of your possible response on this motivation, you don't really have a convincing essay at this point.

The motivation is not strong enough. It does not properly reflect how your motivation to study law truly developed. More importantly, you have failed to explain why you would want to study Law in Korea instead of in your home country. Since Law is country specific in nature, you need to have some pretty strong justifications for wanting to study in Korea. Perhaps you would like to practice International Law in the future? Or maybe you have dreams of working in the UN or WHO? Any international agency that requires a knowledge of law as it applies to the world would be sufficient enough to use as a motivation basis for your response.

Writing Feedback / The two pie charts shows the comparison of the percentage of homes owned and rented in the UK [4]

Your report tends to lose its academic tone when you use the words actually, nevertheless, and besides. Avoid the use of these and other similar word fillers. Always be straight to the point. State the facts as you see it. There is no need to use words to excuse what you need to say. Just say it. You should keep the academic and assured tone throughout your essay. Know when to use the preceding words and when not to. In this case, you should not use those at all in the presentation. Those words remove the focus of the reader from the information you are presenting. So keep it straightforward. Just the facts please, no unnecessary word usage.

Save for that simple observation of your work and some conciseness issues, I have to say that this is one of the better presented task 1 essays in this forum. You have the potential to score highly in this section of essay writing. Your thoughts are clear and easy to follow. The data presentation is easily understood. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reviewing your next essay.

Scholarship / Passion for leading teams - Chevening leadership essay [2]

Your first 2 experiences are too basic to make an impression on the seasoned reviewer. You should focus on the 2019 events instead that led to your being entrusted with a leadership role in your company. Expand on the discussion Focus on the obstacles you had to overcome and how you overcame it. Having taken place within the pandemic, creative leadership skills were required on your part. This discussion alone could form your whole essay. From being a leader who was forced to WHF to how you managed to keep your team connected, your supervision of the work being done, the possibilities for your creative leadership skills in this presentation could be endless. Instead, you relegated it to a single paragraph as something that you did not really think should be developed and turned into the focal point of the essay. Focus on this topic alone. This is the topic you want the reviewer to know about and take note of.

Essays / STATEMENT ON WHY YOU WANT TO STUDY IN THE USA? [3]

There are no right or wrong responses for the question posed. You have to think of the reasons why you want to study in the US. We cannot help you with the content. We can only help you consider topics to write about in the essay. The first being the educational system of the university you have chosen to study at. What is the course you chose? How does the US excel in this field? How would studying in the US help you gain information that you can take back to your home country for you to use in developing the same field in your home country? Frankly speaking, we have no idea why you chose to study in the US. This is a personal essay question. You need to ask yourself why you want to study in the USA. No amount of guide questions can help you develop an impressive response if you really have no idea why you would want to study in the USA.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing II: Compare importance of parks and sports facilities to shopping malls in a new town. [2]

I am unclear about this presentation as you did not provide the original prompt with the discussion. I know of this topic as a part of an extent essay discussion. However, you did not discuss the essay in that manner. Without the original prompt, I am uncertain about how to assess this presentation. Do your best to please post the prompt next time so that I will not play a guessing game with regards to your discussion parameters. Thank you.

As of now, what I can tell you, without considering the content since I do not know if you are discussing this topic properly or not, is that you have made several errors in this essay that cover the important scoring aspects of the LR, GRA, and C&C sections. You should really learn to identify how UK English words are spelled as opposed to the American English spelling. While you can use US English representations in the essay, you would end up with a better LR score if you showed that you know how to spell in UK English terms and also, use the words in the proper context based on vocabulary usage.

Speaking of grammar range, don't use complicated words that can clutter your presentation and meaning. Consider using simple words when you can to help make your essay easier to understand based on reading time constraints. Do not use words of uncertainty like "apparent". Say what you mean, "clear" is the word you are grasping for here. Yes, most of the time, using simple but clear words help you score better than over complicated word presentations.

Since this is an opinion essay, do not use words that would lead the examiner to wonder if you truly believe in your discussion presentation. There should not be any reference to probables in the essay such as "probably lead to". It creates a cloud of doubt in your discussion that could very well lead to a change in your actual discussion presentation, which in turn could affect your final score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING - TASK 2 - Essay about Wealth gap problems and solutions [3]

Your discussion format is incorrect. You have changed the discussion topic and presentation instruction in your prompt paraphrase section. There is no mention of wealth soaring over the decades. Neither are you being asked to offer mitigation steps for the government to implement. Your response is totally off base. The government has nothing to do with the discussion. Your personal insight and suggestions are what the examiner will be looking for in this presentation which, it appears, he is not going to find because you focused on aspects of the discussion that are not part of the original presentation.

For this 2 reasoning paragraph essay, each paragraph should indicate:
- The problem the situation causes for the rich (par. 1) or the poor (par. 2)
- The example of such a problem and its consequence
- The solution you think would be useful in this scenario
- An explanation of why you think that solution would work
- An example that shows your solution in action

You have to remember to double check the instructions. Never present information not contained in the original presentation and, avoid changing the discussion instructions because you will then be scored based on a response that is not related to the task. The outcome of both could be a non-achievement of a passing score for your presentation.

The current presentation really goes strongly into the topic presentation per paragraph. However, I do not see any progression in the discussion topics that would indicate a thorough development of the paragraph. As such, the examiner, who will see the same thing, will know that you did not really focus on the C&C section of the scoring as you were preoccupied with simply presenting discussion topics that you could not completely develop into a paragraph discussion. This is precisely why I suggested the discussion format above for your next presentation of a similar topic.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Opinion essay about "advertising" [4]

You should make sure that your first paragraph accurately represents the requirement for the presentation. In this case, this is a paraphrase + extent response. The extent response asks you to take 2 topics for discussion in the reasoning paragraph that can help illustrate the strength of your opinion. The paragraph should clearly indicate a measured response that allows you to outline the topics for discussion. You could have said:

Product placements are unavoidable in our daily lives. While consumer promotions have been referred to by others as an affirmative influence in their day to day existence, I would have to say that I greatly disagree with this argument based on 2 reasons. The first marked reason I have is that... While the second heavy consideration I have is that...

Using that line of reasoning, you will be able to show the strength of your conviction, along with the outline for the discussion, that will also fully support your emotional opinion regarding the discussion topic. Keep the discussion on track. Do not compare A and B, focus on discussing only A or, only B depending upon the side that you choose to support in the discussion. This is not a comparison essay but rather, a single point of view explanation that will rely on emotional, descriptive words to enhance your response.

Writing Feedback / The Pie Chart - the proportion of water usage by various categories in Sydney, Australia (1997-2007) [3]

There was an immediate error in your first sentence. Review your singular v plural presentation rules. There are 2 images in the presentation. You said there was only 1 but, that single image offers a comparison. That is incorrect. For one thing, what you were presented with wasn't a chart. This is a pie chart. In fact, there are 2 pie charts presented for comparison purposes. That is what your first sentence should have actually said. A reference to the industries / sectors and the measurement type would have helped add to the important information that was presented in the comparison images.

By the way, only a graph or bar chart can have presentations that compare its data within one image. A pie chart usually uses 2 image presentations for the information presentation and comparison aspect. Keep that difference in mind for the next time you write the description of the measurement image.

Rather than saying, "On the other hand", since you never said "On the one hand", you could instead use a topic sentence to start the presentation. In the previous paragraph you said "In 1997" so the next paragraph could say "1998 all the way up to 2007..." You cannot start with 1997 again because you already used that time reference in the preceding paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Data on the changes in the proportion of women in Australia who gave birth to their first child [3]

20 minutes. That is how many minutes you have to write the straightforward report based on the given image. That means you will do well to not overwrite in the reporting stage. Anywhere between 175-190 words will be sufficient enough for you to get the best possible score. By writing 257 words, you have written a Task 2, not Task 1 essay. The assumption will be that you focused on simply the LR section of the essay scoring bracket rather than the overall TA, GRA, LR, and C&C scores.

The presentation does not show a wide variety of punctuation uses. You only used a comma and period for the most part. The presentations lack clarity as you tended to present more long sentences only rather than a proper mix of simple and complex sentences. Do not just focus on one aspect of scoring. Balance your presentation to highlight each aspect of scoring. Work on the clarity of the presentation. Not just the language usage skills.

Writing Feedback / In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness [3]

Your discussion topics should be outlined as a part of your paraphrase + response presentation. That means you should paraphrase in one sentence and use 2 sentences each for the cause and the solution topics. A total of 5 sentences.

You should stick to the first person pronoun usage in this essay, without using the word "you". Since this is a personal opinion paper, you may use any variation of "me, myself, and I" to refer to your reasons and solutions. You may also avoid using pronouns in total if you so wish. Structure the essay to present a general, rather than personal opinion. Use a gender free pronoun presentation instead.

Your presentation is really confusing to read. It jumps around so much that you do not really focus on a particular cause and solution per paragraph. For clarity sake, you should use the following format next time:

Sentence 1 : Cause
Sentence 2: Effect
Sentence 3: Solution
Sentence 4: Example
Sentence 5: Additional explanation for the solution and example

Do not bunch all of your discussions into one paragraph. Not only is that hard to follow, but it delivers a scrambled read to the examiner, who could find himself confused by your presentation. Right now, he will read this essay and consider it improperly developed.

Never use 2 successive punctuation marks. You can never use a comma and ellipses simultaneously. Use only the comma. By the way, you do not have 2 ways to solve the problem. You have 2 suggestions that will help solve the problem. Proper word usage will add clarity to your presentations.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the opinion of people in traveling [2]

You immediately failed this essay test. The very minute to offered a fact in the first sentence rather than a simple restatement of the given topics. Then, you also went against the single discussion instruction for your opinion when you stated that you would be comparing both points of views before stating your own opinion. This is a single opinion essay because you were asked if you give a single response: Do you agree or disagree? In no part of the instruction were you asked to; "discuss both points of view and give your opinion." Therefore, your response is totally unrelated to the task and, in addition, you failed to actually state a response to the direct question within the response presentation. I cannot continue to review your essay at this point since you failed to follow the discussion instructions from the very beginning of your presentation.

Research Papers / Children In Third World Countries vs. Education [2]

The most common mistake in your presentation would be in your word presentations. Academic papers should never see the light of contractions within its spelling. An academic paper keeps a proper formal tone throughout. All the words used are spelled out, never shortened to apostrophe style. You also should not keep capitalizing Children In Third World Countries. That isn't the title of a book or anything related to a proper noun so there is no need to keep capitalizing it.

I am not really clear on what the purpose of your research is. What is the real thesis statement in your first paragraph? There does not seem to be one. What is the real focus of this paper? Towards the end, you mention several possible topics. Which is the main focus? Clarify the true target of your paper for the sake of the reader. Pick a main reason that will be covered by your research with regards to the difficulty of 3rd world children when getting an education. Why does that reason matter? What focus points in relation to that will be discussed? Why should we care about their difficulties? What possible outcome can there be for the students? Give the paper more of a focus so that you can lessen the scattered discussion points throughout your presentation.

Writing Feedback / Life cycle of bees, their growth in different periods and average life expectancy from eggs to adult [2]

The presentation is too short for you to be properly graded by the examiner. With only 152 words, you have not really tried to show off your English analytical and reporting skills. You only wrote enough to meet the word requirement, but not enough to increase your scoring potential. That scoring potential is achieved within 175-190 words. Your presentation is good, but has the potential to be better. You should try to present a longer report next time. Try to study the image more, look for ways to present it interestingly in the report. Spice up your presentation a bit. It is too dry and doesn't use enough English words to really show your writing abilities. Look for longer paragraph presentations. If you use the 3 paragraph format instead of the 4 paragraph presentation, you will find that you will be able to write more and also, come up with a more interesting presentation. Your paragraph count needs to be consistent when presenting sentence reports. Always use between 3-5 sentences so that you avoid run-on presentations, which is the most common error in your current presentation. That along with spelling, cohesiveness and coherence problems, and formality in word usage problems combine to even further lower your potential to get a passing grade with this presentation. Avoid using contractions like "it's". Always spell it out. This is an academic presentation after all. Word shortcuts are frowned upon and affect your score.

Scholarship / Wordless Love: My Goal to Become a Veterinarian [2]

So, the goal is to discuss your career plan for after you graduate. It is not a discussion of the development of your interest, how you plan to spend your time in college, or anything like that. The focus should be on a long term career plan. It should show how you plan to pursue your career goals within 10 years. Do you plan to work for WWF? Maybe go to Australia and work at Australia Zoo with the Irwins? Start your own practice in a specific field of animal care (large or small animals) and then maybe evolve it into a sanctuary? Anything that shows an ambition related to your course and a desire to leave your mark in the field. I do not get any sense of career goals, thoughts as to how to achieve those goals, and why those goals are important to you in this essay. It doesn't sever the purpose the prompt was designed for. This is a forward thinking essay so you should format the presentation as such. Envision yourself and describe / discuss those thoughts.

Think of your time as a vet school student, start the essay from your year or two before graduation. That is the time when you should be setting up the foundation for your career. You will have exposed yourself to various work related settings already. How do you see that going for you? How will it spin you into an actual career path? Why that path? How do you see yourself succeeding in that field within 10 years? Connect the dots from close to graduation, to graduated, to actual career path.

Writing Feedback / Diagrams illustrate some proposed changes to the layout of a health centre from 2005 to present time [3]

Be more specific. Don't just indicate provided diagrams. You need to use the designations from the original image. So differentiate by saying that Diagram A covers a specific time frame and Diagram B illustrates another time reference. That way you cover the proper presentations in the summary overview.

Your second paragraph lacks clarity due to your inability to use proper time reference points to indicate when changes took place. For example, "In 2005, the clients entered... Nevertheless However, the door is currently located ( to indicate present day) ..." The third paragraph is a run-on presentation. The first sentence could have been separated into at least 3 sections / sentences which would have added to the clarity of the paragraph presentation. You have to make sure that you do not rush the presentation. Always aim for clarity. Keep it short so that you can retain the clarity of the sentence presentation.

There are 3 error areas in this presentation namely, spelling and coherence and cohesiveness, Please take the time to spell check yourself before you consider an essay complete. Check and correct as many errors as you can spot to lower your error percentage in the scoring brackets.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writting task 1: The maps below show the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area [3]

Avoid using exaggerated terms like "obliterated". Use words that properly describe the situation. You could say the area was renovated, improved, or upgraded. Use positive sounding words as there was no negative setting to begin with. This is not war time so there is no obliteration occurring. For more clarity in the presentation, you should use the 2 reporting paragraphs to clearly explain the 2009 image first, then the 2014 image second. That way the image descriptions are truly representative of each year. You could start the paragraph saying that "The 2009 image clearly outlines the way the town used the area at that time." Then proceed to describe it. After that, the last paragraph can start with "By the time 2014 came around, the town had undergone significant changes." The you can do the comparison points regarding specific and related changes only.

By the way, you wrote just the right number of words for this essay. However, you failed to edit your work and correct the errors related to spelling and grammar. You should have looked for spelling and grammar errors when you finished your draft so you could have corrected these errors that would have a direct effect on your final LR and GRA score.

Scholarship / MA in Governance and Regional Integration at Pan African University scholarship [2]

Even though you did not have a word or page limitation for the essay, you should really not be writing more than a single page for the cover letter. After all, it is not a personal statement, not a statement of purpose, nor a motivational letter. It is merely an overview of the important facts that you will be presenting further in various essays that accompany the application. You are not judged on the cover letter alone. However, the cover letter should give the reviewer a pretty good idea of who you are as a student, civic leader, potential leader in your country, and what your plans for your future are. You should review this essay and edit the content. Focus only on the highlights of your achievements, successes, and notable work. As of now, the letter tends to ramble and lose focus from beginning to end. I have already told you what the reviewer will be looking for in your scholarship letter. Make yourself stand out in 3 aspects, academic, community, and other achievements. That way you will be able to give a thorough overview of the rest of your application essays.

Writing Feedback / Govt is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere [2]

The last sentence of your reasoning outline is not necessary. Your most impactful response should have ended with the statement; " I think art is a gateway to preserve a culture and heritage." So you should have divided that sentence into 2. One sentence stating your extent opinion, the other, presents the reason. However, your presentation lost impact because you said "I think", meaning you are unsure of your response. The strength of your reasoning can be found in the strong emotional words you use in the presentation (I firmly believe that...) . Also, be careful of the way you hit the enter button. You need to keep the formatting tight and correct. You split the name of the place from the description in the parenthesis. You can lose points for that in the GRA section that judges how well you format sentences and use punctuation marks.

The reasoning paragraphs are reasonably developed. It does contain several errors in spelling, grammar, along with coherence and cohesiveness problems. However, these errors were not so bad that it would make the paragraphs difficult to understand. This is a good enough essay that shows you have room for further improvement in the future. Keep writing!

Writing Feedback / The traditional music still deserves being cherished and preserved much more than the international [4]

This essay sounds like you opened a dictionary and a thesaurus simultaneously to help you find as many impressive big sounding words that you can insert in the essay you wrote. The focus on using "big" words that do not create a natural discussion feel in the sentences and paragraph will be a problem for your score. That is because you are using words that may not be used in the proper context within your presentation. The examiner is trained to spot an exam taker who is merely trying to impress him with his knowledge of "advanced" English words, but with the inability to use it properly. Rather than scoring better in the LR and GRA section, the misuse of these words will result in a down scaling of your score instead. Words such as multitudinous, dint, paramount, to name but a few. Memorized and often used phrases such as "hustle and bustle" will also not help your score.

Writing Feedback / Writing Ielts Task 2:The mass media have an adverse effect on moral standards. [2]

A Task 2 IELTS essay has a minimum 250 word count, not 350. The standard response format for an agree or disagree essay is only a 4 paragraph presentation composed of 2 reasoning paragraphs along with the prompt paraphrase and reverse paraphrase. You have over discussed this essay and also, not followed the correct discussion format as indicated by the presentation.

The paraphrase paragraph needs to provide a restatement only of the given discussion topic and a direct response to the question provided with an outline of the discussion reasons. It should not include information not present in the original presentation as it will alter the discussion format and content of the presentation. For this essay, the proper format would have been somewhat like this:

Measured principles are often said to be negatively affected by the broadcasting industry. I agree with this opinion based on two reasons. First... Second...

You do need to outline your discussion points, but you do not need to give an overview of your discussion. The main discussion should be found in the reasoning paragraphs, per topic. Additionally, since this is a simple agree or disagree essay, you should never use an extent response such as "I am a strong advocate of..."

Keep the discussion simple, clear, and concise. The most number of reasons for this opinion essay would be 2. That is because you are being tested on your ability to properly explain your point of view. Something that you should be able to prove within 40 minutes, using the 250-290 word limit. It is only an opinion paper, not a research paper. The length you wrote, 370 words, means that you wrote a research, rather than opinion paper.

In all honesty, I do not believe you would be able to write this many words during a pencil test. Perhaps you can do this during the CBT but at what cost? Based on the errors you made in the presentation, you neglected to review, revise, and finalize your errors in the areas of grammar, clarity and conciseness. Your conclusion offers a plan of action at the end, something that was not required by the original discussion. Expect to receive points deductions for including a discussion slant that is not included in the original presentation. You should only stick to giving an opinion based on the topic, do not give a possible solution where none is required.

Writing Feedback / The chart show sales of three different kinds of books between 2002 and 2006 [4]

To be more precise in your descriptive terms for the image, explain how the illustration is represented differently for each aspect. That means, you should indicate what is represented by the flowing line, broken line, and dotted line in the graph. There should also be a reference in the overview to the million of dollars measurement representation. There is also the problem of your failing to indicate the start and end date of the measurements. Part of the requirement of the summary overview is preciseness of the information, so you should make sure you represent all required aspects when you give the short form of the report.

You need to indicate the end of the period in the actual report. When you forget to indicate the end date, the information becomes questionable. The graph does not make sense anymore. So you have to make sure that you specify both the start and end date every so often in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Many people say that smoking should be banned and some say it is not a good idea. [4]

I need the original prompt that you are responding to so that I can give you proper advice. Your essay seems to be a mix of a number of smoking related topics. So it will be difficult for me to accurately review your response. I have to know which specific prompt you are discussing so I can give related advice. Anyway, I can still review your work for now. It will not be that in-depth though.

Your discussion paragraphs are not clear. The discussion points fail to prove anything to the reader because there is no clear discussion provided. You only give us talking points, which do not really get developed within the presentation. Simply stating information, without a proper explanation results in an under developed paragraph. All of your paragraphs come across that way. You are not well focused on whatever discussion point you were asked to target in the prompt. Unfortunately, I cannot direct you towards a clearer discussion method due to the lack of prompt information.

Next time, provide the prompt. Make sure you understand what the target discussion points are and how it is to be discussed. Try to use examples and opinions for every paragraph, based on its connection to your topic sentence. Don't just keep giving topics in the paragraph, that will not help you score better. You have to make sure you can clearly and efficiently explain your opinion within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. As of this moment, you are incapable of doing that.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITINGS TASK 2. In recent years, more and more people tend to live individually. [3]

Okay, the one thing you have to absolutely avoid in the prompt paraphrase is the presentation of information and opinions that are not included in the original presentation. This shows an inability on your part to follow simple instructions and also, portrays you as someone who cannot accurately relay information in your own words. Your overall prompt paraphrase is going to be scored down because you have totally changed the discussion parameters by indicating invalid information (not included in the original information source). This inaccuracy and lack of reasoning discussion outline will have a clear effect on your TA score. You need to outline the 2 discussion points for each question presentation.

If you are using words such as "perhaps" in your sentences, then that means you do not have a clear opinion and you not capable of properly supporting your point of view in the essay. This is an opinion essay so avoid all words of uncertainty in your presentation. You are scored on your ability to convince the reader of your opinion, whether it be right or wrong. If you are not sure of your opinion, why should the reader believe you?

Your causes and negative effects explanations need to be better developed in relation to your additional statement. Try to present your 2 reasons and negatives as related concepts in each paragraph. The related idea will make it easier for you to explain both using the same information. This will add clarity and certainty to your paragraphs and presentations.

The conclusion is incomplete. You have to restate the discussion point, the reasons and negative effects, and a closing sentence. It must be at least 3 sentences, never 2 sentences. 2 sentences does not meet the paragraph sentence requirement for each section.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the ways to study of university students. [2]

If you want to use the 4 paragraph comparative essay with personal opinion discussion, then you need to correct your writing style. As you know, you cannot include a new discussion in the reverse paraphrase conclusion as that is meant to simply create a summary of the discussion. You have to place the personal opinion either as a stand alone paragraph before the conclusion or within the other 2 public opinion discussion points.

The advanced method of writing this format essay is to have a clear topic sentence at the start that avoids word fillers such as "On the one hand" or "On the other hand" which are memorized phrases that will score your essay downward. Always use the subject of the paragraph as the first sentence. This clues the reader into what the topic of the paragraph is about and how it relates to the outline you provided in the paraphrase and opinion response.

The better and more time efficient way to respond to this essay is as follows:
Sentence 1: Topic sentence
Sentence 2: Explanation based on the public point of view
Sentence 3: Your opinion of the public point of view
Sentence 4: Explain your opinion
Sentence 5: Transition into the next topic (optional) or reverse paraphrase (in the case of the 2nd POV discussion paragraph)

By creating a comprehensive discussion per paragraph, covering both the public opinion and your personal opinion, the essay should show, not only an advanced method of discussion on your part, but also add to your coherence and cohesiveness score as your essay will be truly clear in terms of discussion topic considerations..

Writing Feedback / Many people hold the view that music can strengthen the bond between different people [2]

No way this essay will get a 7. By the way, since students are not allowed to score other students essays, @thuhanguyen9599 is about to get himself suspended from this forum. Again, student scoring of essays is a direct violation of forum rules and results in immediate account suspension for the erring student.

This is an extent essay. So you cannot simply disagree with the given statement. Rather you have to show the extent of your disagreement by indicating it in a clear manner. While the proper extent essay normally goes by "I strongly oppose, I strongly support, I vehemently oppose" among other emotional extent responses, you can also indicate a more advanced method of agreement or disagreement, without using the incorrect phrase "I partially" because there is no partial option in this essay. You still have to pick one side to focus your discussion on in the presentation. For this prompt, you could have indicated:

I disagree with this opinion to the extent that it has a direct relationship with...

Once you have clearly indicated the point at which your opposition starts and ends, you can then, use the next 2 reasoning paragraphs to help support your claims. Now, within the reasoning paragraphs, you will need to provide emotional descriptive terms to help further indicate the strength / extent of your opposition to the given discussion. Words such as "The strength of this discussion relies on" or "the weakest supporting argument for this opinion is... which is why the argument that... is further given a solid credence."

Your essay is to be based on personal opinion and knowledge, avoid referring to any sources in the essay. You can just directly state it in your own understanding. You will lose points for pretending to refer to other sources. You can indicate made up information, just don't say it came from a source because that requires information citation, as in an academic paper. This is just an opinion paper based on personal knowledge and public opinion.

Your first reasoning paragraph is inconsistent in presentation. That is why it lacks proper development. You are jumping from kids to adults and vice versa, causing the paragraph to lack focus and clarity in the presentation.

Your second reasoning paragraph is better, but could use more explanation development at the end. The concluding reverse paraphrase is not properly presented. It should be 3-5 sentences composed of a prompt restatement, your reasoning topics, and a repetition of your extent response. There are also several errors in spelling along with cohesiveness and coherence problems that, when all combined will definitely not allow this essay to reach a 7 band score.

Writing Feedback / How long people in Austalia (in the period of 2001-2008) spend their time on calling via telephones [3]

Scoring is part of our private and / or URGENT review services. It is no longer part of our free review service. Students who score other students essays will be suspended. Now, I will go on with my review of your essay.

You have a notable number of errors in your essay ranging from spelling and grammar mistakes. Since you only wrote 172 words, you should have used the remainder of the 20 minutes to review and correct these errors. Leaving these correctable errors in the essay will definitely lower your LR and GRA scores. Editing the paper is very important to your score. Make sure to allot at least 5 minutes for the editing and correction process. Aim to have fewer errors to have a better chance to pass the test.

You need to be more specific with your image identification. This is a bar graph, not just a graph. The graph is the type of image. The bar, is the format of the graph. So you have to provide both the type and format for the name of the image. As a part of the summary overview, you should also indicate the information regarding the measurement type. For this image, the measurement type is in the billions of minutes. Skipping information presentations in the summary overview makes it incomplete. You should also combine the summarized data and the trending statement into one paragraph because the trending statement works best as the wrap up sentence of the overview. Also, it is much easier to create a 3 paragraph, 3-5 sentence presentation than a 4 paragraph presentation for the task 1 essay. That is due to the sentence requirement per paragraph and also, the inability of the student to truly create a representative report over 4 paragraphs. The standard paragraph format for this essay is only 3 paragraphs.

Your succeeding paragraphs are under developed and represent run-on sentences because these are too long to be coherently and comprehensively presented. The more sentences you have, the clearer the information presentation. Don't go over the maximum 5 sentence requirement though. You might run out of time to double check your work. You cannot capitalize a word after a comma ( billions, Beside should be billions . Besides ) unless it is a noun reference (name of a person, place, thing, book title, or position title)

Writing Feedback / The legal measures to make people recycle more of their waste [2]

You are being asked to represent the extent of your agreement that laws are needed to make people recycle. It is not an extent essay in relation to a dis/agreement question. Therefore, your response to the question is incorrect. The proper format for the response would have been:

I agree with the idea that laws are needed to the extent that it will help educate people about the benefits of waste recycling.

What did you accomplish with that sentence?
1. You provided the paraphrase of the discussion
2. You gave the extent response based on a given personal reason
3. You properly outline the basis of your 2 reasoning paragraphs

Then, you should have provided the supporting explanation regarding the need to create laws to force people to recycle. The first reasoning paragraph could have explained how you believe that people would only recycle if they are mandated by law to do so. The second reasoning paragraph, should connect the mandate with the education of the people when it comes to recycling. It should never be approached as an A/D presentation because that is not what you being asked to do within the discussion instruction.

The conclusion is not a proper summary of the given topic and reasoning paragraphs. You also fell short of the 3 sentence requirement. Always deliver a reverse paraphrase in this section.

Writing Feedback / The effects of moving away from home to attend university [2]

When you write a comparative essay that asks "what are the advantages and disadvantages", you must avoid giving an opinion in the concluding paragraph. The personal opinion is not required in this discussion as you are not being asked to provide a personal opinion, only a comparison of points of view. So you must simply repeat the topic, reasoning topics, and provide a closing sentence at the end of the concluding summary.

Your opening paraphrase is a run on sentence. Always remember, for clarity and sentence number requirements, it is always better to use only one reference point per sentence. That means, you use one sentence for high school graduates (not leavers) who live in dormitories or apartments, and one for those who live with their families. Then you present the discussion instruction after those.

Don't get used to using word fillers like "To begin with" and "On the flip side". These add to the word count, but do not move the essay forward. Those are also often used memorized phrases used by the IELTS reviewers in the classroom. You will score better once you get used to indicating clear topic sentences as the paragraph openers instead.

Avoid using words of uncertainty in your presentation. These do not help add to the clarity of your presentation. You must use definite sentence presentations. You need to show that you clearly understand and believe in the explanation you are giving. Your first 2 sentences in the first reasoning paragraphs are throwaways. The paragraph would have been better and clearer without those sentences.

Please learn how to focus on the explanation of the topic in the reasoning sentence. You are not being scored on the number of reasons you give in every paragraph. Rather, you are scored on how well you explain 1 or 2 related topics in the paragraph. In both paragraphs, the content becomes confusing to read due to the lack of explanation development in the presentation.

For a better presentation, you can use 2 related advantages in one paragraph, then 2 related disadvantages, that relate to the previous advantage discussion topics. That way, you focus on one presentation clearly per paragraph. One advantage paragraph, one disadvantage paragraph. That way you limit the possibility of creating a confusing paragraph presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: Advertisements - an increasingly popular trend present in the daily life [3]

I am not really sure that you can complete the review, revise, and finalize portion of the essay writing task within 40 minutes. Writing 322 words means you have not taken your potential to create several mistakes in your writing into consideration. You should always allot at least 6 minutes for the final correction and perfection process of your writing. In this case, you did not anymore check the errors. You left several grammar and clarity problems in your essay. A simple editing process before you decided that this was the final version you wanted to submit would have been very helpful in you spotting the errors and correcting them.

Okay, now going back to the actual writing. Your prompt paraphrase needs another sentence to meet the minimum sentence requirement for the paragraph. Your second sentence should have been divided into 2 parts and then, another 2 sentences could have been added to include the outline of your discussion topics. By the way, a positive or negative development is different from advantages or drawbacks. You have to use the correct indicator in your presentations. In this case, use the actual keywords from the original presentation. So it is a negative development.

Once you have chosen your point of view, the discussion paragraphs need to focus on presenting 2 types of information that will reiterate your idea that this is a negative development. Do not compare the two points of view as you are asked to do that in the discussion instructions. Focus on the singular discussion alone. Otherwise your essay will only be scored on a partially scored, based on the section that supports your point of view. Your essay will also tend to fall under the word count because the comparative portion will be disregarded in the word count. Hence word point deductions will be applied. Avoid offering a tangential response to not have these deductions applied to your essay.

Technically, you really altered the discussion process of the essay. That makes me think that the reviewer may decide that your discussion is totally unrelated to the task, causing you to fail the essay test immediately. Look at these differences from the original implications:

Original: Is it a positive or negative development?
Response: While I accept that the development of advertisement offers many benefits for society, consumers and businesses, its drawbacks cannot be overlooked.
Conclusion: Although advertising activities bring some merits for society, enterprises and consumers, the demerits of them also should be considered.

Do you see the problem? It is a positive or negative development question. You are talking about merits, demerits, and drawbacks.

Writing Feedback / Writing: Discussion if imprisoning is the best or not [3]

Please provide the prompt for the essay next time so that a clearer review of your essay can be done from a professional standpoint. Right now, I am not really sure what the discussion topic for your essay is because there are several criminal topics that can be discussed based on a similar central subject. The main difficulty with the extent essay is how to explain the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the given prompt. Students tend to always say "I slightly" or "I partially", thinking that if they take a completely supportive side in the essay, they will be given a lesser score. There are no right or wrong answers in the Task 2 essay. There is only a lower score for not having a clear point of view in the essay. Each time the student chooses the "I partly" or "I slightly" position in the essay, that indicates an indecision in your thought presentation and opinion.

The clarity of your thought, the coherence of your reasoning paragraphs, and the cohesiveness of your reasoning presentation can only come from the clarity of a thought process that focuses on a single opinion. The equivalent of "I slightly" or "I partially" in real world responses would be "I both agree and disagree". Which is not one of the choices given in the question instruction. That is why it is more important to show a clear singular point of view rather than a comparative point of view. The extent essay is not a comparative essay. It allows you show a degree of support only within one point of view.

For example. You could say, "It is said that... I have to oppose it because...It is important to understand that though there is a belief that... the truth of the matter is..." The strength of your opinion should be in how it disproves the opposite point of view. By presenting a topic sentence that opposes your point of view, you not only present a clearer explanation of the side that you support, but you are also able to strengthen the extent of your dis/agreement with the given public opinion.

Do not use special characters such as ellipses in your academic writing. Those are more useful in creative writing instances where it can indicate a suggested thought process. An academic paper, or opinion paper should always use proper and formal punctuation marks.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 - The line chart exhibits the comparison between Chinese and American birth rate [3]

There should have been a comparison paragraph in this essay. There are overlapping points that you failed to mention. If you look at the line graph closely, you should see that there are in-between years when the numbers for the two countries are equal. Those should have been reported in the data. Of specific importance are the years 1945 and 1955. While there are individual data to report, there are comparative points to indicate as well. Since the instruction for this essay always includes: "Make comparisons where relevant", then you should really be on the lookout for these overlapping points. It shows that you did not just glance at the data, but that you actually took at least 5 minutes to study the image and take note of important information to report.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 - Are men and women are equal with related to occupation [3]

The essay doesn't really develop your reasoning data in a convincing manner. I think this is because you did not really use an effective comparative discussion in each paragraph. The essay feels like the reasoning could have been more convincing. Next time, you may want to try writing in this following format to add clarity to your reasoning presentation:

Sentence 1: Occupation topic (use only 1)
Sentence 2: Highlight the strength of men in the occupation
Sentence 3: Highlight the strength of women
Sentence 4: Compare the 2 strengths
Sentence 5: Explain why the 2 strengths cannot indicate that women can perform equally to men in the occupation

If you use a comparative discussion to strengthen your opinion, you will be able to better convince the examiner of the strength of your opinion. Using 2 different but relevant discussion topics will help to illustrate how well you understood the discussion instruction and, will also add coherence and cohesiveness to your reasoning presentations.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: the percentage of car sales in different regions [2]

Rather than using the word proportion, the more appropriate term to have used would have been percentage. That is because the summary overview feels incomplete. You did not refer to the measurement type in the presentation. Additionally, your single sentence presentation of the information summary is a run-on. Try to use 3 sentences so that you can offer a clearer, easily read, and easier to remember summary. The rest of your presentation is acceptable. However, having a long trending statement as a stand alone statement feels out of place. Mostly because it is only a 2 sentence presentation within a 3 paragraph minimum expectation. The clarity of the summary and trending statement is usually helped by combining the information into a single overview paragraph. It helps you score better in terms of task accuracy as opposed to the 4 paragraph presentation that opens you to an improper sentence presentation when considering the mix of simple and proper sentences.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Technology's effects on social relationships [4]

Your are not discussing the prompt as per the discussion requirement. So this unreasonably long discussion you wrote is useless. You will get a failing score because you did not understand the discussion instruction.

Discussion Question: Do you agree or disagree?
Your Response: ...though I lean towards the aforementioned statement, we also should not disregard its potential benefits accompanied by its drawbacks.

As this is clearly an agree or disagree essay, what made you think that the discussion was to be based on a benefit or drawback discussion? Those are two different prompt discussion instructions that you can never end up interchanging. One is for a comparative discussion and one, is for a single opinion essay. I am sorry but all the work that you did in this essay was not worth the effort you put into it. Once you change the discussion instruction, your response becomes unrelated to the task. That means, you will not pass the test.