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Posts by PHA2016
Name: Pattahindi
Joined: Sep 9, 2016
Last Post: Oct 18, 2016
Threads: 39
Posts: 38  
From: Indonesia
School: english studio

Displayed posts: 77 / page 2 of 2
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PHA2016   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / What happens within a procrastinator's brain and a rational decision maker's brain [3]

Hello Rosa,

he [you should mention before the speaker male or female than you write he or she after mentioned it] talked about what happens ...

that there [double conjuction I thing] there are two kinds of ...

.., do something unproductive, and has an instant gratification style.

On contrary [I think word, "on contrary" when speaker negative explanation, I think better in contrary], the rational decision maker ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to make work-life balance work by Nigel Marsh [2]

Nigel Marsh lays out about day balance between work, personal time and productivity. People sometimes forget quality time with family ever their self because they spent more time in labor. People need realistic they cannot spare time of working we need find the meaning of life Marsh as He said. People need balance in life. Marsh suggest to focus on draw or map life to be knowing reality. When persons spend time to workplace for example take child in childcare, work in office which is more responsible and care full. Those activities waste people time then forget meaning of their life. As He mentioned before, Marsh say people need be meaningful so people need to set up of life with sleep well, social intimacy, physical and spiritual need. These are totally work to increase meaning of life. As result, small investment essentially transform person's quality relationship and quality in life. Nigel Marsh believe that it is possible.
PHA2016   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The chart shows international tourism is the highest incomes [3]

Hello Dioba,

Overall , [i think would be better started in introduction and then conclusion] the chart shows international tourism ...
... meat products are the most minimize minority incomes.

the income of meat products isare amount 4 billion dollars, (...) 20 years withby total revenue 3 billion ...

The total income from meat products ....

The total income from dairy products ...

pay attention repetition word.

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 27, 2016
Scholarship / The Aspirations of world engineers and joining international UK universities - Chevening 2017 [2]

Hello Achived,

Hello , I 'm currently,I am working on my essay on of chevening scholarship , I appreciate your ...

The Aspirations [you should not put capital word on noun word ] of world engineers and joining ...

Networking is like sea with full of information [...] to reach higher level of creativity. [put punctuation to divided your sentences].

... enigineering and network in university if birmingham is my desire course ... [place should be capital word in first word]

My ambition [using word properly such us plan, next future ] to join academic challenge ...

note: pay attention in your puctuation and capital non capital word.

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Artic snow dissolved are killing animals and will be caribou aground [2]

Continuing decrease of sea-ice shield is causing disorder on ecosystem along the artic, and might spell the last more variety animals than properly thought.
Low appearance species possibly will be in suffering. Researcher were calculated data on sea snow and zooplankton, fish and seabirds in the South-east Bering Sea among year 1975 and 2014. They found which most seabird and zooplankton were less rich where sea ice liquid early in spring, telling that these species will decrease in warmer temperature.

A stuck of ice might hamper the diaspora of plants, dooming them to elimination. Researcher collected previous data on sea ice and plants original arrival to the Arctic to sho that plants are likely to group new place after sea ice dominant.
PHA2016   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / GPS Accuracy in Australia versus moves of tectonic plates in America [3]

Hello Bams14,
To illustrates, for illustration, Australia has shifted (...), report from new york times.New York Times

... the carthography national geographic, damien saunderDamien Saunder , America has faster (...) three to four inchisinches a year.

Thisthese ensue influence to (...) and cellphones don'tdo not have that level of
accuracy also

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Theft crimes in some countries in regard of cars [2]

Hello alamysah,

The line graph comparesshows which comparison the theft of car in four ...

It is was clear from the charts (...) of car theft and be the highest percentage in 1995

... theft in Great Britain rose aat two percentage ...

... car theft was dramatica l dramatically rose amount of nearly 10 in France, to nearly 10

... in Great Britain in average that ithad plummeted to around 16...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Try a lot of different things in a month by Mutt Cutts [2]

Matt Cutts shared which his experience after reading a book from American philosopher. Matt, Technologist at Google talked the story of his life in the past. He told to audience that his live change after he read that book. In lecture session, Matt shared that some activities that we should do in thirty days. There are cycling to work, jogging a thousand per day and writing novel. Mutt always feel confidence by those activities. Day by day, he spend time at cycling, hiking Kilimanjaro mountain in Africa, and writing a novel. Mutt wrote a novel more less fifty thousand words per days only a month. It was amazing. The last session, Mutt believe that people have occasion to do best things in life.

Source: TED
PHA2016   
Sep 26, 2016
Graduate / How I learnt about the program Food and Resource Economics [2]

Hello Janet7

I learnt about the program to a graduate school that I am applying to.

I haveI graduated of Bachelor of Agriculture with honourshonors in the field of ...

I have been introduced toI have learn of some aspects in ...

It also focusesfocused on the supply and demand in the ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Bill Gates and his presentation in Long beach California [3]

Bill Gates had speech in February 2009 that placed at Long beach California. He talked about health and education. He argued that market not drilled the scientists and professionals. Only pay attention in science everything can be solve he said. I am optimist any top problems it can be solve Gates added. In his lecture, there are problem in the world such as diarrhea, pneumonia and malaria that decrease time in time.

On the other hand, Gates had questions, firstly, how do stop the deadly disease that is spread by mosquitoes? According to Gates, mosquitoes bite at night and had epidemic since thousand years. To decrease this diseases he explained by killing mosquitoes with DDT chemical. In statistic, malaria rapidly spread of the world that it 200 people had suffered, He added. Secondly, how do make a teacher great? Gates concerned about education. By his organization he had helped many people in the world to pursue of their future with scholarship and financial support. He admitted that he had great teacher even though he drop out from college. Gates talked that having great teacher is the key and he added to increase impact of diseased should be more involved by mathematician, social science and another scholar.

In the end of his lecture, he said that he optimistic people can study this things and everybody need to be more involved and help come up to the solution.

Source: TED, Februari 2009
PHA2016   
Sep 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Being social makes us happier, healthier and we live longer than people who are less connected. [3]

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

Life is too short sometime we climb from bottom to the top, sometime turning opposite direction. Life teach about relationship so keep happier and healthier. Robert Waldinger by his big lesson talked about relationships which social connection. Social connection to communities, to friends are happier, healthier and they live longer than people who was less connected.

Based on his research, more happily man or women even their physical pain but their mood just still happy. However the people who unhappy relationship reported their physical pain by more emotional pain. This explanation good for us that is relationship good in health.

To sum up human need connected each other. It is practical endless. A good life is build good relationship, he ended his speech.

source: youtube.com/watch?v=8KkKuTCFvzI
PHA2016   
Sep 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / NEWS EDITORS SELECTED WHAT TO SHOW ON TELEVISION AND WHAT TO PRINT IN THE NEWS [2]

Hello Rosa,
Lovely writing, there some suggestion to you:

A publication that is shown on TV and the article that is imprinted in newspaper has ...

. Because [pay attention your puctuation] bad news are the one ...

As the news editors learn the publicity and article proposed to ... [your preposition is too long, you should be simply such as the news editor, they lear the publicitiy and article....

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: There are two factors entertainment editors that it should decide to advertise [2]

There are two factors entertainment editors that it should decide to advertise on TV or print news in magazine. In this essay I has divide in two statements are capital and media interest that is influence of news editorial member to broadcast news. On the other hand I suggest the media would be better to produce a good report.

Broadcasting has change since Guttenberg invented printing in Europe. Yet, TV also have many advantages to spread information at society in latest century. However, nowadays, mass media such us TV and newspaper are ideologist and capitalistic now. Some Medias are reported depend on their owner want. The editor cannot independently because boss media has forced their freedom. Television and radio of this example, there always produce advertisement that it related to owner interest. On the other hand, capital resources can contribute the media existence such as amount of printing and video shooting, operational vehicle and qualified human resources as reporter and so on. Finally capital and interest of media has essential factor that it is influenced editor.

On the other hand, I believe that positive news better than negative report. Media such internet, television, newspaper and radio is responsible to educate people by reporting news. Sadly, some people agreed that media have great bad impact to influence people such kids or teenagers. Some media advertise of their product without moral obligation and uneducated. They sacrificed of their ideology for material reason. In example, media that content are provocation, sex

bias, criminal, and radicalism. Finally, for these reason, I agree that media should release of positive news.

In conclusion, I believe that capital and media interest has responsible of editor decision. Also I agree that media should produce of good news.
PHA2016   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learn to understand of ourselves [2]

Hello Mdamanhuri77,

n fact, the more we obtain knowledge of ourselves, the morethen we will realize that lack ...

... see our potential and tallenttalent which influenced ...

... judge the nature we taketook account into about most.

Those were the vital thing that ocuured occurred was ...

Hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / In China, Michelle Obama Tours School, Forbidden City [2]

Hello agung,

According to VOA news (...) visited China that she aim to speech exceedingly ...

... is basically had in human is human [avoid redundant ] rights.

hey free to choose religion themselves, they free to express their ...

... that conference persuades [d ] all of people in the world to ...

Hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The brief life of Circus from ancient world in Romans [4]

The circus is one of the oldest forms of entertainment. History of circus started in ancient romans around sixth century B.C. chariot races were more popular and also gladiator fights and display of exotic animals like elephants and tigers. Over time the site was permanently retired and entertainment was reduced to small bands of travelling performers and animal trainers. However, the circus survive to make a return to its former grandeur in the eighteenth century.

On the other hand, during the late 1700s, an Englishman named Philip Ashley founded the first modern circus. We was skilled rider who invented stunt riding on horseback. He performed in a circus ring and expanded his act to clowns, acrobats, and parade of trained animals.

Important - you must give more useful comments not to get suspended.
PHA2016   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Happiness is not only related to economic success, yet the social and psychology aspect is important [2]

Many people think that happiness is through to economic success. On the other hand, some people support the opinion that happiness caused by many factors. This essay is going to explain two statement and I give my own opinion.

It is commonly believe that personal happiness is depend on financial support. Financial is indicating with money and large of land. Almost all problem can solve problem by money. Some people saying that many accounts in bank and have big salary are symbolize of happiness. Rich people have many advantages when they have more financial base such as have purchase some cars, homes and shops. In urban community for example, rich people represent with a luxury with if they live in flat, apartment, and palace. On the other hand, people having car and eating in luxury place caused by financing support. In addition, land is essential in rural community

However, another people believe that happiness not only economic factor but also many factors. There are social, culture, psychology factors there some essential items by going happier. Nowadays, networking, trust, being love are vital in social and culture. It looks at some people have good relation with another in business, education and so on. However, family time, travel and need for achievement are related to in psychology. People believe that have quality time and holiday with family will support mentally health.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that statement happiness directly not only related to economic success but also many factors such as social and psychology aspect.
PHA2016   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TEDxWoman Summary: Warrior's Cry Against Child Marriage [2]

Hello Alfa,

she createscreated Warrior's Cry for the hope ...

in respect thatof her effort, early marriage issue ...

Banda, realized how difficult it is was, but is not impossible to happen

She does not did not have great ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Where Writing System Come From? [2]

Hello Alfa7

I have some suggestions to your essay:

they use used clay for writing to mark Sumerian ...

In 1500 B. C. in China, people used animal bones...

... and Central America were createdof writing system in 400 B.C.

They write wrote for religious approach ...

nb: be careful of tenses use

hope these help.
PHA2016   
Sep 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The old map shows no buildings and any other facilities on this area, except the beach and palms. [2]

Writing Task 1: The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facility

The maps shows an area which is provided by travel accommodations previous until after construction that length 100 meters. Overall, previous, the land looked mostly undeveloped that shown trees and beach. Soon after construction, the land developed by variety of facilities.

Based on information on map that looked in previous land look no existing building and other facilities except beach and plant. The layout will prospect in the future that build several public facilities. In On the other hand, after construction there no longer space. Yet, the land replaced by accommodation such as restaurant, public space and road, and leisure. Whereas, the layout shows which was installed by water sport and swimming area near by the beach include boat as well. While cottage built in two places and road trough along restaurant, receptionist and peer. However, coconut tress existed along building. Interestingly, the land used in left side while the right side existed in more trees.



  • Writing_task_5__Map.jpg
PHA2016   
Sep 18, 2016
Scholarship / QuestBridge National College Match Short Answers [3]

Hello Angeli,

... made me realize [which ] I wanted to take a front-lines ...

Even though I'dI had already taken regular US history,

... because all through high school I'veI have been limited by ...

I'mI am also lucky enough ...

in my point of view writing style should be complete word.

Hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Find out the peripheral vision in sport [3]

Sometime we simply tolerate the blur. It is important to pay attention to the blur that surrounds the point where we have focused our vision. Athletes, for example must be keenly aware of what is happening all around them. An athlete's performance not only depends on physic but also visual training ability.

On the other hand, the environment also contributes to athlete's visual sharpness such as contrasting court background, adequate lighting, and non-confusing uniform color combinations and less off-court motion. It is that caches the athlete's attention as they gather a quick view of focused on detail. As result the eyes move in and out of focus, there is a blur between each pause.
PHA2016   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: The graph line shows which three sectors global water consumed during a century [2]

The graph line shows which is three sectors global water consumed during a century. And table shows two countries which using water in 2000. Over all, global consuming water trend has majority to agriculture unlike household sector leveled to minority. On the other hand, Brazil is watered large people and land while Congo in Africa which is water consumed a few proportion.

In worldwide water, farming sector had been increased dramatically three times since in year 1900 at around 500 to 3000 cubic. Industrial sector had responsible by using water at international scale that increased gradually at approximately one 15000 cubic. However, consuming water in public sector not significantly to 5 percent of total global consumption.

Whereas water consumption around year 2000 in two countries that the first, Brazil they had huge of number people that needed around 26,500 km watering of land and provided 359 cubic water per person. While Congo's republic, one percent total people of Brazil should be provided about 5 million people, square 100 km. interestingly, it was water consuming less than Brazil in year 2000



  • Writing_task_4__Glo.jpg
PHA2016   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Taklimakan Desert which is a part of Africa's Sahara [3]

The Taklimakan Desert is a part of Africa's Sahara which is about 337,600 square kilometers. Eighty-five percent of the Taklimakan consist of shifting sand dunes, some up to 250 meters tall, and large free vegetation. Yet, open desert and oasis on the desert support plant are scorching summer and frigid winter, drought and high-salt condition. There are three Taklimakan plants be adapted-Populus euphratica, Tamarix ramossina, and Alhagi sparsifolia. They have unique mechanism to survive.

The Populus euphratica, Eupharates poplar, tall tree in Taklimakan has an extensive root that allows to absorb water far from the standing tree. Tamarix ramossima, a small three called tamarisk or salt chedar takes amount of water via a far-reaching root system many times the size of the plant above ground. Then, a spiny shrub, Alhagi sparsifolia uses large amount of water especially during the summer months. Most it roots reach down deep where they take up water around sixteen meters below ground.

However, desert plants able to adapt for their own survival, they also help protect their ecosystem
PHA2016   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are several ways of transport with different CO2 emissions (measured in kilograms). IELTS [2]

Hello Ryan31,

firstly, I think you spent more word at writing task 1. you wrote approximatel 262 that it should be write down in Task 2. for your information, Writing task 1 just needed at least 150 words.

Then,

... different usage of CO2 emissions and which is measured in kilograms.

... four methods which is be used by travellers such as using [a ] car with one person,...

The majority tourists is using self driver to work at ...

... using public transport[ation ] such as bus or train approximately ...

... every method of transport released different CO2 emissions...

i hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1; Comparison of five are mining sector categories in France during year 1995 and 2005 [2]

The pie charts compare of five mining sector categories in France during year 1995 and 2005. Over all, it can be seen along in one decade Coal and Gas industry have big proportion then following Gasoline. Whereas, Nuclear and other product has increased along ten years. In summary, fuel production has increased in early year and fell down over 1995. Although, Coal has flat but reverse Nuclear and Other production increase a decade.

In time the comparison product mining and gas industry shows variety in number and trend. The pie graph shows coal mining increased gradually in production to around one percent at 1995 to 2005. Yet, Liquid energy only increase at number as much as Coal production is around on in twenty. Interestingly, petrol along ten decade decreased dramatically down twice time amount at 29 to 19 percent. On the other hand, nuclear energy gradually increase in number about one in fifty. While other production increase significantly of number approximately five percent.



  • writing_task_3__Pie.jpg
PHA2016   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summarize TED video : Bill Gates talk about mosquito, malaria, and education [2]

Hello Mem77,

..., we know that Bill Gates He with his foundation tried (...) in many country countries, especially on of development country

He said that this disease always (...) child, which who has 1 - 5 years old

To make it clear, he has [shown ] a statistic during amount (...) children were died before the[ir ] age of five.

He said [according to Gates ] that it was a phenomenal thing...

As a In conclusion of his speech, he believes ...

hope this help
PHA2016   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The incredible trips of Bird Migration [4]

According to passage, migration is commonly movement of animal from breeding ground during of the year. Like other animals Bird--for example--migration has typically unique at the centuries. Birds do migration has responded to the biological imperative of species to survive. The most of birds migration take place between the lower and higher latitudes of the Northern Hemisphere during of the year. Then, Birds breeding area in higher elevations, near or the peak mountains or other nearby low country. In summary, during migration, most birds fly for a limited period each day. Approximately amount six to eighth hours, typically flying distance of a hundred miles. At the start of its trip, around a half percent of its body-weight made up of the fat necessary to fuel this incredible travel.
PHA2016   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Al Gore stressed the importance of being aware of the climate change [2]

Hello Kiki, nice writing but you need some feedbacks

Al Gore points are to stressed the importance of being ...

[the ] First, the global problems contain air pollution...

... impacts that he gave as an example is the [in ] fact that after over 28 years the melting ice of ...

Overall, in [according to ] his opinion, global warming ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Information shows of two membership in fitness a five-year period, from year 1970 to 2000 [3]

The bar shows two membership in fitness a five-year period, from year 1970 to 2000. In summary, the first graph illustrates before year 1990 (1970-1990) and the second year shows over 1995 (1995-2000).

The first year 1970 stood at 1000 a women and 2000 male member. Then increased gradually in year 1975 that women enrolment rose amount a thousand member while male increased dramatically twice as much as number of women. However, in year period from 1980 to 1990 has fluctuated in number average 1000-1500 member both boys and girls.

In other hand, in early millennium transition from 1995 to 2000 slow but sure female who enter in sport center has leveled in year 1985 a number of more 2000 on year 1995, in contrary shown male fitness membership that peaked at around 5000 people at the same year. Honestly, in over year 2000 both member male and female has plugged to account of 1000 and 2000 membership.



  • Writing_Task_2.jpg
PHA2016   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED HOW DO CARBOHYDRATE IMPACT YOUR HEALT, (Richard .J wood) [2]

Hello Ifan, Nice essay therefore I have some suggestion to your writing.

according on to Richard [who ] explanation, there are (...) carbohydrate which is depend on the number of ...

Theoretically, carbohydrate is classified by two categories ...

... to ten single molecules of sugar, [then ] they link together become oligosaccharide, [put punctuation dot] meanwhile "polysaccharide" can ...

Even though they has consisted by same monosaccharide ...

..., meanwhile fiber are was/is difficult to disparate.

... regulated by Insulin hormone which can play main role to ...

In one circumstances insulincan briskly [modal+v1] detects the glucose but another case it can very low.

note: pay attention in punctuation and conjuction word.

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / An annual large scale-movement of birds called migration [3]

Hello Rosa, an interesting essay but you need input

It is an activity which is was done by most of ...

... distances of migration have to [have+V3] went through by the migratory ...

And the longest travel of migration requires ...

This in addition, tremendous migration can be done by ...

hope these help
PHA2016   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is damaged tropical rainforest caused by Logging industry? [2]

Now days, logging industry had supplied several impact to environment damage. Some areas felt habitat loss, pollution and climate change along countries in Central Africa, Southeast Asia, and South America to northern forest of Canada and Scandinavia. And also Logging activity had caused damage both terrestrial and aquatic habitat in the forest. It can be seen, deforestation contributed pollution in the world. All habitat in forest will be getting bad impact too such us algae growth, removing oxygen that finally will be killing fish and other wildlife. Forest especially the tropical rainfall forest will be contribute to natural resource and biodiversity exist. Responsible logging activity will be guaranty in our nature and habitat still a life.
PHA2016   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The difference three foods in China people consumes in year 1985-2010 [2]

These graphs show the differences between three foods in China which is consumes each gram/person/week in period 1985 to 2010.

To sum up, the graphs show amount household consuming trend instability. Meat was gradual increased in the number by 10 percent in five year along periods from 1985 to 2010. Otherwise, Salt consuming jumped steeply from 500 at 1985 to around 200 grams/percent a week in 2010. Opposite, Fish is fluctuated in proportion consuming year by year.

In period 1985 to 1995, Meat consuming slow increased to number 150 gram. However, Salt dramatic decreased in the number 500 to 200 just over to 80 percent. In contrary has shown of Fish graph in the number fluctuated that was slowly increased from 600 gram slightly down in year 1995. Then dramatical increased in number from year 2005 to 2010. These line shown the differences between household consuming Meat, Salt and Fish in China along several years.



  • Writing_Task__China.jpg
PHA2016   
Sep 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / A wonderfull place of Inca's custom in Peru [3]

I would like to tell you about Inca's custom. Machu Piccu has drawed of prehistorical Incan civilization in the past. An Archeologist Hiram Bingham that has founded in 1911. Overtime, Machu Picchu were famous of travelers. It all buildings of site which was built from hard stone precisely. In site Machu Pichu nearby city of Cuzco around 30 kilometers. The traveler would reached it by transportation mode. The Inca trails of ruins still stand in Machu Piccu mount offer wonderful views; some of flowers and birds. The Inca trails were been tracking since late century when the Peruvian official institution pleased to tourist. To conserve Inca's culture, the local government has published official rule to put a half thousand every one day to guide in the trail. The conclusion, Inca's custom offered a luxury trip and memorable.

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