Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Hydro Electric process [5]

The diagram depicts the process of water use for producing electrical power.

Overall, the process involves various stages beginning from sea water through sophisticated procedures prior to create sufficient electrical energy.

The process is begun when seawater evaporate to form a small cloud as the effect of sun heat. Once the cloud produces rainfalls, such downpour is collected in a reservoir linking with a dam and pumping pipes. To following step, the valve is opened caused the amount of water flows to the turbine below the reservoir and it rotates to produce the electrical current. Pass through the turbine, the water comes onto the shelter and ready to pump back to the reservoir, a circular process occurred.

The electricity made by turbine is transferred to the transformer station over high voltage cables. Moreover, the station is responsible to deliver the demand of domestic and industrial costumer for the electricity through installed cables under the ground.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Process of making cement to produce a concrete brick [4]

The two diagrams illustrate an overview of the cement production from available devices in purpose to manufacture concrete for construction using.

Overall, the process of making cement involves various stages from the beginning to make an ultimate product. Likewise, there are numbers of prerequisite needed for making a solid concrete.

As per the first diagram, limestone and clay crush in a rolling machine to make a mixed powder. The powder come into a round shape of mixer then pass through the 90 degrees shape of pipe to continue the process. In the third step, mixed powder in the rotating heater burns to melt the powder. The heated powder is grinded in advance prior to be packaged in bags.

Once produced, an initial mixture comprising 15% cement, 10 % water, one-quarter sand and a half gravel is fed onto concrete mixer. Then a concrete mixer running clockwise, it mixes the material to make solid concretes for construction purposes.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Honey bees life cycle [4]

The diagrams presents the live cycle of honey bees.

Overall, the life stages is comprised of six stages from egg to full maturity, and takes approximately 5 weeks to complete.

The first stage of the cycle is started when the queen laying 1 or 2 eggs once in 72 hours regularly. Then the eggs hatch between 9 and 10 days to transform to nymph, immature form of an insect, some parts of the eggs is still surround the nymph's body. Over the three weeks after the egg hatching, the nymph experiences the three stages of moulting, shed or lose old feathers, hair or skin to allow for new growth.

The first stage of moulting directly happened 5 days after the eggs hatch. As result, the nymph without eggshell and un-stripes in the back preparing to the next stages. While the second moulting stages is identified the next following week as the nymph growing bigger, the back stripe, sign of maturity, have not shown yet the nymph's back. Totally after 21 days after the eggs hatch, young adult emerges with complete back stripes. Running from the fifth to the final stage, it is need 4 days for young bee transforms to the adult whose back marked with bolder and darker stripes, and the cycle starts over again.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Encouraging sense of competition or cooperation in childhood [8]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
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Sense of competition and cooperation are beneficial in adulthood. Obviously, some people say that the two senses should be encourages as soon as possible in the childhood. Some other, however, argue that it was unnecessary to teach in the early stage of live. In my opinion, both of sense can be discuss with several reasons.

The sense of competition is sharper a soft skill of children. Educating children with such skill can be implying as they join in a competition. Probably, taking interest in playing on musical instrument, parents can be registered their daughter to a local musical competition. Other ways to achieve competitions values are with rewarding children in their good school mark. Thus the sense of competition boosts motivation of children to gain the best of their ability, the beneficial values in order to reach personal goals in the adulthood is easily happen. Taking my niece experiences in facing her interest in photography, while her parents includes her in many photography competition since her teens, nowadays she becomes a professional wildlife photographer in a national magazine.

On the other hand, competition might rise the tendency to defeat other people in such terrible ways. Based on this view, encouraging cooperation skill should be stance stronger. Though children is taught become cooperative and altruistic, in adulthood, adapting with the circumstance of work field would be easily did. One of the ways to teach cooperation skill is with sharing. Obviously, the smallest entity starts with sharing among siblings. In fact, there is a success story started with the way their parents teach them to share with other. Dan Pearman, a Paddle Power organization founder, reaches success in distributing bicycles around the world as his ambitions to share benefits to other people, "my success as a result of advice to share with others", he said.

Having said that encourages children with cooperation or competition has beneficial values in for children later life. While competition trains children to reach their goal in adulthood, cooperation benefits to deliver sense of help. I believe that all mentioned feature having each advantage depends on the way we teach children in their childhood.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Garlsdon City on plan to build a supermarket [3]

The map depicts the possible spots for building a new supermarket in Garlsdon city.

Overall, there are 2 sites on plan, noted as S1 and S2. While S1 will be built in the countryside, the location of S2 is held in the free traffic zone in the town centre.

As per the map's features, the suggested location, S2, for building a new supermarket is placed in the resident area. Also in the south-west and south-east of the map there are 2 rush belt cities. The highway from Bransdon (16 km with 15,000 population) to Cransdon (25 km with 29,000 population) and vice versa is linked to the centre of the town were the location of S2 is sited in. This might be pointed as the best spot compared with the area of S1. The location of S2 would probably reflect how important it is to the local inhabitant living around there.

Turning to the S1, does it has no bargaining for better spot? S1 location is sited just off the main road to the town of Hindon, lying 12 km in the north-west. Also, located between railway and main road and pass through the outskirt's road makes such spot easily to attract the traveler, while this is not allowed in the area of S2. Besides, the location of the countryside enables for S2 having a large parking area or any additional features to serve the customer.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: UK Tourism (Departure and Arrival) [4]

The line graphs show information on UK tourism in terms of departures and arrivals over a 20-year period, while the bar chart presents the details of foreign travels made by UK citizens in 1999.

Overall, the number international travel done by UK residents was far above the number of foreigners who traveled in the UK from 1979 to 1999. Further, France remained as the most favorable tourist destination for English travelers in 1999.

As per the line graph, the number of visiting abroad among UK residents slightly increased from around 12 millions in 1979 to 20 millions in 1984. Similarly, the tourism departure showed a slight increase with less number. Stood 10 millions to 12 millions in the same period, such trend climbed steadily to 12 million overseas residents coming to UK. By comparison with the number of visiting to UK that showed a slight increase to nearly 30 millions in 1999, the overseas travel by UK residence rose sharply to more than 50 millions in 1999.

The sharp increase of traveling in 1999 attracts around 12 millions UK residence to come to France. Standing in contrast with USA trend being accounted 4 millions of UK visitors come there, such trend had almost three fold increase in full loan of visitor. Spain comes as the second favourable by 9 million visitors are arrived from UK. However, Turkey and Greece strong stance as the two least favourable tourism destination which reckoned less than 3 millions Britons deciding take their vacation there.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Freedom for creative artist - 'show their idealism freely' [7]

Freedom is a sister of art. This saying can be implied to support a creative artist for expressing their imagination in terms of words, pictures, music or film. Some people think that the freedom expression should be bordered by the government. However, the critics claim that it is unnecessary to limit in order to produce a fabulous creation. I tend to agree that the right of expression should be free from any intimidation.

Freedom of expression plays a vital role to create some creations. While it is bordered, creative artist cannot show their idealism freely. Taking an ice sculpture as an example, in terms of making an ice sculpture the designer need many inspirations. How about if it is limited with some regulations? in terms of precision for example, whereas in his intuition, making an abstract sculpture is better. Bordering the expression also can be categorized as a crime. As my country in the 27th chapter on the principal right already guarantee freedom expression for their citizen.

On the other hand, the freedom sometimes benefited by some creative artists as medium to hypnotized people. An artist with rebellion idealism could make a provocation to against the government with their creation. The drawbacks occur when the idealism acculturate people and result an immense demonstration. Thus, national stability harm due to an art creation. Also, the audience of the art is strong stance as a consideration. While art creation purposes to show in child exhibition, pornography content should be avoid or for wedding exhibition punk style could be unnecessary held. Taking Indonesia's government steps with their broadcast regulation, the government ever suspends some music program in the local television, Dahsyat for example, as the feature involved sarcasm value.

Having said that the freedom of expression is very beneficial to make a tasteful creation, while government still have to take a position for bordering such invaluable content creative creation,. I tend to agree that freedom need to support as far as the result has beneficial values to the society.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Different qualification level in Australia [4]

The bar chart illustrates the post-school qualification level on both genders in Australia during a particular period in 1999.

Overall, the number of males was more qualified in vocational diploma, post-graduated diploma and master degree, while undergraduate and bachelor women in Australia showed the reverse.

As per the bar chart, more than 90% males having vocational diploma education were skillful than that of the female counterpart in the same part. By comparison with undergraduate diploma males being accounted 40%, such trend doubled in full loan of qualification. Coming second highest, the post graduate male gained 70%, it was 10 % higher in comparison with males in master degree which showed 60%. Also, males in bachelor degree showed 45% in the level of qualification.

Fast forward to the female trend, female percentage varied markedly, while undergraduate diploma female reckoned 70 %of the qualification could be stood as similar as the percentage in post graduate diploma in the male's trend. However, the qualification level of the bachelor degree woman, 50%, defeated the males counterpart by around 10 % higher. While master degree woman being accounted 40% qualification,

it was higher than post graduate and skill diploma which accounted 30% and 10% respectively.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : Diarrhea cases in Mashhad [3]

Hello friend, here I found something interesting in this graph which take my curiosity to write it down into 5 paragraphs, please commented mine, thank you

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The line graph shows the changes of diarrhea cases in Mashhad Island during a particular period from 1983 to 1992.

Overall, the diarrhea case in Mashhad showed a slight fluctuation during the first 5- year, then rocketed before experienced a sudden drop towards the end of period under review.

A series of data revealed that there were approximately 100 diarrhea cases in marshland between 1983 and 1985. After a slight increase to approximately 170 cases showed in 1986, such trend rose steadily before experienced a sudden drop to nearly 50 cases in two following year.

As per the year 1988 onward, a rebound to almost eightfold increase occurred in 1989. Standing in contrast with 1988 diarrhea cases, by 400 people in Mashhad suffer by such disease in 1989. While there was the peak of case throughout the year under review, after leveled off around 350 cases between 1990 and 1991, the diarrhea case swiftly changed to the zero case in 1992.

Interestingly, Marshland city could break the number of diarrhea to zero case while the trend showed tremendous case in the past three years.

In conclusion, in 1992 Mashland noted as the health city having zero case of diarrhea after take war of such kind of disease over 8-year between 1983 to 1991.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: Gold sales in Dubai [6]

The line chart presents the number of gold sales in Dubai during a calendar year in 2002.
Overall, the Dubai gold sales fluctuated throughout the year. Besides, sales stances stronger as the peak period observed in March while the weakest sale figures could be observed in July and September.

A series of data revealed that Dubai's gold sales increased slightly from 200 million dirhams to around 230 million dirhams in February. After a short peak period by 350 million dirhams sales in March, such upward trend plummeted dramatically over the next for month to stand nearly 100 million dirhams in July.

As per the August sales onward, the significant sales occurred before leveled off in the end of period. Experiencing a little rebound to 200 million sales in August, the trend dropped to nearly 100 million in September, a similar sale in July. However, from October onward the Gold sales in Dubai remained stable by around 130 million.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Table of poverty living in Australia [5]

The table presents the percentage of poor families living in Australia during a calendar year in 1999.

Overall, the highest percentage of poverty living showed in sole parent trend while the least age coupled group strong stance in statistic's year.

As per the table, sole parent trend accounted as the highest familial type living in poverty by 21 % of the overall percentage. By comparison with aged coupled family being noted as the least 4 %, such trend had more five-fold increase in full loan of household living. Standing in contrast with single aged person showed 6% poverty, the couple with children family doubled by 12 % throughout the statistic year. The single without children experienced 19% poverty in Australia while the couple without children reckoned the less of one-third, noted as huge gap in percentage.

Fast forward to the numbers, the couple with children stood 933 thousand household. Such trend presented an approximately halved in comparison with the overall number of households being accounted 1.837 thousand in number of household in such annum. While as the percentage single family with no children accounted the second position, in terms of household it was stance the third by 359 thousand.

Interestingly, it is obvious that the proportion rate in percentage of household type living in poverty In Australia was not always linear with the number of household in thousand.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Electricity source in Australia and France over a-20 year [6]

The pie charts illustrates the total electricity's number in Australia and France in the field of fuel source over a 20 year from 1980 to 2000.

Overall, total electricity production in both countries increase dramatically, while France' production doubled over a period of 20 years, Australia reckoned 70 % increase of the total production. Besides, the electricity sources were different in both countries under review.

As per the pie charts, coal production in Australia increased noticeably from 50 to 130 units. In comparison with the similar electricity source in France being accounted with 25 percent in both statistic' year, such trend showed a 80 percent increase. Similarly, hydro power in Australia rose around 16 percent while nuclear power in France had almost ninefold increase in full loan of electricity support. Standing in contrast, the electricity sourcing from natural gas of both countries decreased sharply. Australia experienced 18 percent reductions from 20 units in 1980 to just 2 units in 2000 while France showed a larger 23 percent reduction from 25 to 2 units over 20 years under review.

A more detailed look at the pie charts revealed that the overall changes in percentages in Australia and France was not always similar. While the Australia's oil production experience a two-fifth decline, from 10 to 2 units, such production in France raised 5 percent increase over the measurement. However, it is obvious that the larger of total electricity production in France was supported by the immense growth of nuclear power whereas did not occurred in the Australia charts.

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