Writing Feedback / Studying alone is a best fit for my life. It allows me to freely choose the convenient time to study [6]

What you should do is that introduce your topic to the reader and state your position. Here we go;
Education plays an important role in everybody's life and studying is an integral part of education. Some people prefer to study in groups while some others prefer self studying. Both these methods have their own merits and demerits. However, if I am to make a choice between them, I would prefer to study alone.

TOEFL independent writing task has a major bearing on time. So, you should not unnecessarily lengthen the content. Most important thing is that you have all features displayed in your eassy. i.e. Introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: I think it is worth being a celebrity in spite of the problems [3]



... this sentence has a few issues. First, why you talk about promotions? Celebrities generally work freelance and it is demand that they seek to acquire in their career progression. You get promotions when you work for a company. I also don't see much logic in this sentence. Also note - the right word is "trustworthy" and not trusty.

I suggest you to limit to one reason per body para and give a good example to that reason.

Writing Feedback / There are many types of friendships; Friendships Classification Paragraph [3]


... before coming to this point, mention briefly about how they differ from one another... give some kind of classification ;
There are many types of friendships; however they're not all the same. Most of these friendships are formed under different circumstances. In the friendships that are formed at workplaces, friends limit their interactions to deal with office related matters. The friends at Gymnasium may have only nodding acquaintances.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY TASK 2: Some jobs are better done by men and others by women. [3]


... some careers better suite a particular gender.


Although there are valid reasons to justify this argument, I personally believe that men and women are equally capable of handling many jobs regardless of their gender differences.

Letters / Request for help in the preparation of recommendation letters. [10]


Ok Bipin.... We can surely help you with improving your recommendation letter. But you need to do the draft and post it here. It is you who know your background and credentials the best and not us. So, write a draft recommendation letter and put it to the forum (you can use this same thread for that). If you want help, search for recommendation letters written by others in "resumes-letters" forum. Get ideas, but do not copy them.

Undergraduate / essay- family influence An college application essay [5]


Okkkkk... I hope I'm not too late. Also, since you are running out of time, I try to help with minor fixes to this because you do not have time to attend to our suggestions.


....which is the toughest course offered by the CIE committee.


I enrolled with this course and soon realized it was extremely difficult for me pursue with limited resources available for me. I then decided to drop the idea of continuing the course, but my parents rejected this idea strongly. They were able to convince me that I should face the challenges bravely despite of the fact they can be extremely hard. So I made lots of efforts to improve my level in the subject and I am today paid off with those sacrifices. I now enjoy this course and already earned an A grading at the first examination.

Writing Feedback / GRE - ISSUE ESSAY; Do we need ceremonies & rituals to define ourselves? [4]


... whose culture? Nothing said before this refer to "their"



Behind every ceremony or ritual, there is a specific and logical reasoning.



.... your examiner may not know who ravana is... you better describe him.


.... well.... this conclusion lacks logical reasoning. You just make this statement without giving convincing arguments for the reader to believe what you say.

Writing Feedback / Studying alone is a best fit for my life. It allows me to freely choose the convenient time to study [6]

... write all numbers in words ... it's important for this type of essays.

your prompt is not really about the importance of studying...it is about group studying vs self studying. It's ok to talk very briefly about this fact, but you have consumed almost three sentences on it and then only come to the real point :(

Writing Feedback / Adult Education; Bar chart and pie chart illustrations [4]

This is for IELTS Task 1 practicing, right? ... Anyways, you need to comply with two things; First, have a meaningful topic for your post when you open a new thread (in the"Subject" field). Second, your IELTS essays need to be posted to "Writing Feedback" forum.

Also, you should make use of the "Attach file(s)" feature to add your graphs to the post. Those images would help you earn more relevant feed backs from others.


.... this is report writing and therefore be more specific and official;
The main reasons for adults deciding to study are due to their interest in subject and their desire for gaining a qualification.


.... what do you mean?

Writing Feedback / IELTS: agricultural land becomes less productive; Worldwide land degradation [2]


..."worldwide land" makes the latter redundant.



.... this is not wrong, but I wish you highlighted the fact that Europe recorded the highest contribution to land degradation in all three areas. This sentence does not reveal that very strongly.

Good job anyways ... as always ;)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Opinion on wearing uniforms in schools [5]


I wish you termed that differently , in a more simple tone to match the idea.
Thanks to the use of uniforms, bullies are effortlessly tackled and social differances between students no more become a thorny issue.
This is very good writing. You can surely go for a very good score. Also, please post your IELTS Essays into Writing Feedback forum.

Writing Feedback / Nations should pass laws in order to preserve nature; GRE/ Analyze an issue [6]


... actually, this is better termed as "echo tourism" which is based on supporting conservation efforts of tourism. This is actually a win win situation for economies and environment.


Well... I don't find they go out of topic, but you certainly have much more potential to align them better with your argument.
For example,


Here you need to connect all these ideas with your argument better. They seem to be scattered a bit sporadically; Your point here is that nations can generate income by engaging in echo tourism and therefore they need to make an effort to protect the nature. So, these laws are helpful for them.

Writing Feedback / education is important in the development of the country. Discuss. [4]

I think others have provided you good suggestions for your essay content. This is my suggestion for your essay structure;
Write an introductory paragraph (should be your first paragraph). There tell the reader briefly about the importance of having an educated nation. Then move on to your body paragraphs (with your second paragraph) and in each para, tell one reason as to why education is important for a country. Then support each of these reasons with good examples. Finally, write the conclusion to re-instate your position.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: more important to work at a job that you enjoy than to earn a lot of money [5]

I find you have a good idea about the essay structure for this task. However, as Pahan suggests, I too feel your introduction needs improvement. It's better you introduce the argument first and then tell the reader about your position.


.... in this paragraph, you start with one reason;


... this is the reason ... ok?
Then you move on to another idea;


....and support this with an example.
However, what you should have done is that you support the first reason with an example.

Research Papers / "theory of natural selection" and "theory of special creation" RESEARCH ANALYSIS [3]


....in which most of the people believe what? .... or it this what you mean?
The modern theory of evolution that most of the people now believe is the modern concept of "Neo-Darwinism".


... the latter part sounds confusing. Better re-phrase!



... do you mean , "thoughtful people"?

Writing Feedback / Why tracing family history become popular and it is a negative trend [6]

Ok....then I would suggest you to read the following essays. They follow this structure very well. Also, by reading other's essays you can pick up good points. Since you need to manage time efficiently, I strongly suggest you to limit your reasons to just one reason per one body para.

Writing Feedback / Health budget should allocate more funds for medical technology or health education? [3]


Many developed countries have


...I feel you better sat " some people" intead of opponents.
.


In my opinion, educating people about healthy behaviors is more important than spending money on expensive technology and medicines.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Family living in poverty in Australia in 1999 [2]


...You need to improve clarity;
The table illustrates the percentage of people from different household types that live in poverty in Australia in 1999..
The rest is written well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Older people should live with their families or at a nursing home [7]



In my opinion, people should not be abandoned by their families in their old age during which they need more emtional support than any other period in life.


...very true. This is the main problem they face while living away from loved ones. So give more emphasis to this fact in your sentence;

To begin with, it is the lonliness that elders feel is the main reason for supporting the idea that elders should live with their own families and not with care takers. They suffer lonliness more than all other physical ailments during their old age.

Writing Feedback / Why tracing family history become popular and it is a negative trend [6]

What is the purpose of this writing? ... It's always good to mention so that others know how to help you align your answer with the question.


.... it should be "Likewise"


...but we should never live in the past.
I guess you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Job satisfaction and individual well being / What factors& How realistic ? [5]


... well... the latter part is somewhat confusing.... you need to have more focus on how job satisfaction matters to individuals and therefore this should be written in jobholder's perspective.


... ok, this what they expect you to deal with.... let's take your intro;


... this really does not talk much about what your prompt asks you. First thing you should do in the intro is to introduce the prompt to the reader.

Writing Feedback / Should elder people live in nursing houses or stay with their family members? [6]


... they suffer / he suffers / she suffers


.... very true .... these people live on their past memories and being away from their loved ones affect them psychologically.


.... good ending
Overall, your essay is pretty good. You follow the appropriate structure too.
Good luck !

Writing Feedback / Are Technology and Tradition incompatible? ; TOEFL [5]

Include your prompt/ question in the post. So that we can provide you with more relevant feed backs. Also, TOEFL essays should be posted into "Writing Feedback" forum.


.... It's better if you expressed your opinion more directly in your introduction.


.... strong reason. good!


... great examples... even one example is enough for this task .... be mindful about the time factor too :)
You write quite good! Aim for a flying score! :D

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Universities should require students to study subjects in different fields? [4]

Pahan has raised a good point. Yes, you need to handle time very well and I think this is a bit too long for this task. Again, if you can finish it within allocated time, then it's fine.

I also feel that you better pay attention to the essay structure.

Writing Feedback / Parents have numerous influences to teach us what to do [6]

.... I am with dido ... yes, you better start with introducing the statement to the reader. Then move on to expressing your own views.


... effect? .... "influence" sounds better.


... this is wrong ... immature is the opposite of mature.


... until we can do things on our own / until we can take care of ourselves


.... I don't get what you try to mean by "simutaneously" ... anyway , there is no such word :(

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument Essay; Letter to the editor from Central Plaza store owner [3]

Hi morning,
I understand you are new to the forum. So, please note that you need to post GRE essays into "Writing Feedback" forum and also have a meaningful topic for the "Subject" when you open a new thread. They are forum rules and also they help you earn good feed backs for your essay.


... better include suggestions also (in the place where I highlighted)



.... this is a good argument, but I wish you took it to a different paragraph because this one deals with his failure to provide statistics. So in this para you better have the arguments that deal with statistics.

Writing Feedback / More reliance on technology for problem solving affects human's ability to think [3]

Your essay topic suggests that you are practicing for IELTS or TOEFL. In either case, this essay is too short and does not fit in with the desired structure.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; Internet Usage in Taiwan during 3 years from 1998 [6]

First, make sure that you upload the chart using the feature "Attach file(s)". It's always better for you to get good feed backs because others can refer to it before commenting on your writing.


... this task is aimed at evaluating students' report writing skills. This should sound like a report ;
The bar chart provides the statistics of the Internet usage of people belonging to different age groups in Taiwan from 1998 to 2000.


... avoid phrases like that because this is a report. I think this website would be helpful for you: ielts buddy/ielts-writing-task-1

Writing Feedback / ielts task1 Japanese travel abroad [4]


yes.... "number of people" and not "amount of people"


.... you need to re-phrase this;
The first graph illustrates the number of Japanese travelling abroad between 1985 to 1995. The second graph illustrates the Australia's market share of Japanese travels during the same period.


Add a little more details for the first graph.

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]

You are welcome to EF ... Start posting your essays here and help others with their writing :)

Writing Feedback / Nations should pass laws in order to preserve nature; GRE/ Analyze an issue [6]


Eradication of wilderness, for example; deforestation or hunting animals, is an inevitable by product development efforts of a nation.


However, considering today's serious threat for sustaining a favorable climatic conditions, I agree with the statement that Nations should pass laws in order to preserve any remaining

wilderness in their natural state.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1_ Proportion of teachers as per gender in 6 different types [4]

First, you should attach the chart or the table by using the feature "Attach file(s)" together with your response to IELTS Task1 if you wish to earn better feed backs. Do it next time!


... I prefer if you said;
"the male and female teachers" instead of saying "teachers of 2 sexs"


... Since this is a report, keep your writing very concise and short;
As per the chart / According to the chart
Nothing wrong with your structure :)

Writing Feedback / Percentage of clear differences between the national consumer expenditure of five various countries [3]


... you are supposed to write a report. So, it's important to stay away from verbose. Simply say;
The table illustrates / The table provides etc.


... here again, you should have adopted a more report writing tone.
The structure seems ok.... pay attention to skim the most important things and write in a style of a report.

Writing Feedback / Watching too much TV and violent images - essay [8]

What is the purpose of this writing? IELTS, TOEFL, GRE or any other? It's always good to mention the purpose so that you get more relevant feedbacks.

Generally, it is good to begin your essay with an introduction to your topic. If this is for IELTS or TOEFL, you should first introduce the given prompt to the reader.


..."predict" means for-seeing something that will happen in future. What you try to mean here is addiction ; that someone is enthusiastically devoted to something or some activity.

Writing Feedback / Underground railway systems in the field of opening date, total length of route and annual ridership [10]


I think you really need not to feel nervous. As I already said, your writing is quite good and these exams are not that very tough. The only thing you need to be conscious about is managing time. For that your practicing sessions would help a lot. While you keep writing your own practice essays, try to read the ones others have written on different topics. That would help you pick points.

Wish you good luck for the exam! I'm sure you'll do very well.... Let us know your scores too :D
All the best @ the exam!

Writing Feedback / 'staying in touch' : Phones and E-mail have made communication less personal [6]


... one reason/ two reasons


.... you need to pay attention to grammar. As Pahan suggested, have short sentences. They help you improve clarity of your writing;
For instance, two years ago I studied in Berlin, which is very far from my motherland. The only way I could communicate with my family and friends was making calls and via e-mails. Therefore I believe these two modes of communication are very effective ways to keep people connected with their loved ones when they live far apart.

Undergraduate / Ronald Reagan once said "if you're explaining, you're losing" ; Why UCF? [3]


When I first began paying visits to colleges in my junior year of high school, I found myself struggling to convince me that they were a good fit for my aspirations.


No sooner I began to feel that the standards I had set for colleges were too high and lacked practicality.


However, my tour to the UCF changed this mindset.

Graduate / Neural Network and Smart Grid, The future of Energy [7]

Sorry for being late !
As Phakday commented, yes this is a very good response.


Well, I think what you meant was that with your professor's statement, you found where your real passion lies.... isn't that so?
How about wording it like this?
That was my "Eureka" moment in which I found my goal for life; After three years into electrical engineering, I finally realized what I wanted to do and signed up with the course "???????".

Is this your SOP? or a response to some prompt? ....better mention so that we can align our feedbacks accordingly :)

Writing Feedback / Underground railway systems in the field of opening date, total length of route and annual ridership [10]


you write well and don't have to really worry about these tasks... In fact, I found that Pahan (contributor) has suggested another framework, which also sounds very logical, but does not contain any conclusion. May be the conclusion is not a necessity for this task because it's focused on report writing. You better find that out because I haven't taken up IELTS. This is the web site Pahan suggested;

ielts buddy/ielts-writing-task-1.html
It sounds pretty good!

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Today young people are finding it harder and harder to find permanent jobs! [11]

:D ...looks like you've got confused with Pahan's rephrasing. Well, it's your topic that has complicated things more. It's a pretty serious topic compared to other IELTS topics. Do not worry and you would keep Improving with practice. I suggest you to read the following essays to get a better understanding about the essay structure. They are pretty good and by reading others' good essays help you pick points and improve your writing.