Writing Feedback / Some people think that intelligence is innate while others claim that we can improve it by learning [2]

The personal opinion of the writer is not clearly stated in the discussion paragraphs. Though general and group viewpoints are clearly seen, the personal opinion of the writer based on correct first person pronoun usage cannot be found. This delivers a weaker discussion development and indicates a missing discussion point based on the 3 opinion presentation. Had the first reasoning paragraph used first person references, the first person discussion requirement would have been met. Right now, the presentation is under developed because of the incorrect presentation format.

While the sentence structures are not very well done, there is still a semblance of writing control to be found.That made the overall presentation understandable just the same. More sentence writing exercises can help improve the writer's score in that aspect.

Writing Feedback / Museums in London and tourists - IELTS writing part 1 (bar chart) [5]

Misidentifying the image will result in a failing TA score. The image presented is a bar chart. It is not a line graph.The essay immediately starts out with a failing preliminary score.something that can very well force an automatic overall failing score due to clear reporting errors and inaccuracies.

The writer should enumerate the 4 aforementioned museums in the summary overview. This listing will help keep the reader better informed when he references the 2 museums in the trending statement. The listing is a standard part of the summary overview and should never be omitted for any reason as it ties in directly with the trending statement every time.

There is an error in the information presented in the summary overdewthat will cause accuracy deductions. Note that the measurements are from Jrene to December, not October. Such inaccurate reporting carry hearry deductions in related sections.

The inaccuracy continues throughout the report with references to "a similar pattern was observed" without first indicating what that pattern was. The writer tends to get ahead of his thoughts, without checking for accuracy and completeness after he drafts his report. He truely expects to get a passing score with his inaccurate reporting presentation and writing style. Sadly, his missteps will result in a failing score instead.

Letters / Erasmus Mundus Master In Impact Entrepreneurship (EMMIE)-- Motivation Letter [2]

The current letter can be made shorter and direct to the point. Remember that there are thousands of applicants for minimal available slots in the scholarship. The reviewers will not appreciate having to read more than 500 words for just a motivation letter. 275-300 words would be more than sufficient to catch the attention of the reviewer provided you have written an interesting and truly admirable letter of motivation.

Do this by revising the letter based on the following advice :
- Open by focusing on the SDG goal you hope to assist your country in fulfilling
- Discuss the incubation project as it relates to SDG and its current status
- Highlight personal academic recognition and any attention the public or relevant agencies have paid to the project.

These are the relevant information that can help create a new, better informed motivation letter. There is more work to be done on the letter after the revision but, these will be a good start going towards the final version.

Writing Feedback / Literature, BL, ancient China [2]

Not everyone is familiar with LGBTQIA+ movies at this point. It would help educate the reader if you can first define what a Brotherly Love movie is and what the stories are about before you launch into the actual movie discussion. Read your reader into it. Do not just get into the nitty gritty of the discussion. The introduction is important in this case.

I found myself confused about the actual reference to this film. All indications pointed to this being a stand alone film. later on though it appeared to actually be a movie series. Which is it? Use a single, clear reference that establishes the storyline as stand- alone or continuing over several films. It will also help establish if this is only one of several film reviews to be expected from you. My last comment comes from how the presentation seems to be formatted for a blog rather than academic writing.

Letters / Letter of Motivation Masters in Cybersecurity (Germany) [2]

The historical references in this essay are all more than 5 years old making these irrelevant in relation to modern cybersecurity developments. In fact, there is no need to discuss history here unless you can relate it to more concerning data breaches of recent times. Such references though would need to directly relate to your current profession as a cybersecurity expert or analyst. Both of which are not focused on due to the backstory concentration of the early essay part. Why is there zero reference to the career path that led to a need or requirement for advanced studies ?

One cannot expect the reviewer to believe in the choice of course, university , and country when the professional needs and insight that support such choices are messing from the motivation considerations. There are not even references to internship experiences that would have at least shown a professional exposure that would have influenced this decision. The content of the letter is a strech. I am not convinced it can create an impression on the reviewers.

Writing Feedback / Give your opinion on punishing young children. Propose alternatives. [2]

Avoid exaggerations in your restatement presentations as words such as "unquestionable" will alter the original intent of the presentation. Being a general reference in the original, the same sentiment should be presented in the restatement. The additional word, as an exaggeration appears to be the writer's personal opinion, which should not be included in the prompt restatement. The extent response and personal response basis are very well developed. However, there should have been a clear reference to what 2 restrained discipline approaches you plan to discuss in the essay. One clearly referring to parental alternative discipline and the other, related to teacher implemented regulations for students. That way a full pre-discussion summary is completed in accordance with task requirements.

The reasoning paragraphs do not follow the prescribed 3 paragraph format. These should separately represent:
- The opinion of the writer
- Suggested parental discipline
- Suggested teacher conduct control action

The writers does not fully thresh out the discussion based on the required format for the discussion. There needs to be a differentiation between educator and parental discipline. They cannot be expected to use the same methods since they are related to the child in different ways. One is personal, the other is educational. So the alternative discipline method should represent that difference.

While the exam taker showed an understanding of the prompt, the discussion method is incorrect and does not represent the correct discussion considerations. While the essay will receive scores in all aspects, I am not sure if these will be enough to pass the test.

Writing Feedback / Should students study the science of food and how to prepare it or not? Discuss both views [3]

The prompt restatement is incomplete as it does not refer to the other point of discussion in the public point of view. The writer did not indicate that the point of view is also focused on learning how to prepare food, not just learning about food. Those are 2 different areas of food study / interest. He also said that the opposing view "supposes" something, when the original presentation indicates that it is a factual opinion for them. So there are 2 errors in this instance:

- Missing one public opinion reason
- Incorrect supporting point of view presentation

These combined errors will result in a less than stellar task accuracy score.

The student uses an acceptable discussion format but fails to build properly on the explanation of his personal opinion regarding each public point of view. He also uses the group pronoun "our" indicating a personal opinion. The personal opinion should only be singular in indication, it can never be a group pronoun presentation as he is not allowed to speak for a group of people in his presentation.

His opinion is only a single statement of (dis)agreement in every reasoning paragraph, which does not really fully explain how his opinion came about in relation to the public discussion. So his personal opinion is considered under developed every time and will not add to the scoring consideration for the overall score.

Since the exam taker failed to spot the aforementioned errors in his writing, due to his lack of editing prior to grading submission, his overwriting of the text, beyond the 300 word count was not useful to his cause. Rather than improving his work, he just heightened the error potential and subsequent scoring deductions of his essay.

Writing Feedback / Residents are transferring from rurality to metropolis toward an advanced future [2]

The first thing that the examiner will notice in this essay is the lack of proper word usage. The test taker is using English words that do not correspond in meaning to what he is trying to say. For example, he uses the word "obstruction" as a reference point for traffic, without explaining what he means by that. Obstruction is not the same as "traffic jams" or "traffic congestion". It carries a totally different meaning that does not help him to clarify his meaning or intention in the sentence. This error occurs several times in the essay, causing confusion for the reader. The examiner will give a failing GRA grade for this essay because of these LR and GRA related errors. These errors will be enough to ensure that the writer will not get a passing overall grade during an actual test.

Add to the problem the fact that he has only written 233 out of 250 words and the essay truly does not have a chance of passing. There will be too many word count deductions in the percentage of the overall score to prevent a passing score. These deductions will be made even before the actual sectional scoring as there is a preliminary score consideration for the word count. Any essay containing less than 250 words will automatically receive word count deductions.

Scholarship / GKS - International Business Major - Personal Statement; application for study in Korea [2]

I do not know where to begin with the review of this essay. It is just a horrible piece of writing that does more to confuse the reviewers rather than convincing them that the applicant is worthy of a slot as a GKS scholar. I mean, the overly long story about tin at the beginning does not segue into something of significance in the actual essay. The information provided is so badly worded, it is hard to believe that a college graduate who is a professional is actually writing this piece.

The thought presentation in the essay tends to trail off into various topics, within a single sentence. It is almost as if the writer is not even making an effort to be understood in this personal statement. My suggestion is this. Hire a writing tutor. Someone who can help you actually develop a relevant essay, based on the prompt requirements. A person who will be able to help you edit the content for relevance and allow you to develop the essay based on relevant observations of the writing progression. As of now, I cannot say that this essay can be useful even if edited.

A new essay, written from scratch must be created to better suit the prompt requirements. Do not write 2 pages worth of nonsense and irrelevant information. Writing a single page to a page and a half of useful information will be far better in accomplishment. 2 pages is only the maximum page count. That does not mean you have to complete 2 pages containing gibberish.

Scholarship / GKS Personal Statement - Where there is a will, there is a way. [2]

The essay does not deliver a strong development in terms of Global Studies. The applicant has a strong backstory in terms of family background, education, and life experiences, but none of these solidly indicate a reason why he would develop and maintain an interest in Global Studies. Even the interest in South Korea as a nation, influencer, and point of education is very thinly discussed in the presentation. The essay may sound impressive at first to anyone who reads it but, once it is studied in the manner that the university reviewers will, the obvious weakness of the client's qualifications, regardless of the awards received will become highly obvious. That award is the only significant highlight in this essay.

In terms of the recommendees, their mention in this statement will be beneficial to the letters that they, NEVER YOU will be writing. It will be better if they are mentioned in this essay as it will relate to the letter they will be writing somehow. Their letter though, should be far more detailed than any mention you make of them in this essay.

That said, the fact that the essay does not clearly and strongly indicate the relevance of Global Studies in the career path of the student. More work needs to be completed in relation to specifics that would make the applicant stand out amongst the many.

Writing Feedback / Investment in railways is a must however the road infrastructure also play a vital role in transport [2]

The writer has written a failing score essay at this point. In terms of task accuracy, he has shown that he is incapable of restating the topic in his own words. He used the cut and paste method of stating the topic. That earns the paragraph an automatic failing score. Something that does not surprise me since this student cannot even offer fellow students original advice. He is constantly plagiarizing my advice as the educational consultant. This further proves that he does not have any sort of ability to pass the actual test unless he has someone or something to copy from.

His discussion formatis also incorrect as he commits 2 errors in the presentation:
- He does not provide the correct extent format for the discussion. How strongly does he support his opinion?
- He uses a comparative discussion format where a single opinion + 2 supporting paragraphs are required.

These errors, along with an inability to produce an original restatement will result in a failing score for this exam taker. Unless he can stop being a copycat/ plagiarizer and, he learns to respond based on expected patterns, he will never improve his writing towards a passing score.

Writing Feedback / A Healthier Life - rough draft [2]

The writer should make up his mind about the subject reference. Will it be pets in general or dogs? The interchangeable use of these terms in the essay tends to confuse a reader. He must understand that domesticated animals, or pets, are not limited to dogs alone. If he wishes to use dogs as the sole reference point, then he must revise the references and other aspects to relate solely to dogs. As of now, the target of the study is confusing to follow.

The writer also needs to seek professional editing or rewriting for his essay to clean up the sentence structure problems and discussion clarity issues. The student is obviously ESL and as such, tends to miss out on correcting these errors. The writing and presentation problems affect the clarity and understandability of his research paper.

Writing Feedback / ARGUMENT ESSAY TASK - GRE - Newsletter offering advice to investors [2]

The writer need not repeat the prompt requirements in the first paragraph unless he was actually qquestioning these references already. Itwas a waste of time since the personal arguments of the author should have been the basis for the opening statement. What specific areas did he find to be questionable? Why?

The essay is acceptable enough in terms of discussion points but could use more developmentin terms of responding to or explaining how the questions he posed could have been better addressed using specific methodologies not considered by the article. That aspectof the presentation feels rushed in development.

The sentence structures and grammar used are notperfect. Itoften gives away the ESL nature of the writer. He must work harder to remove ESL traces in his writing to achieve a higher score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - BAR CHART: Shares of expenditures for selected categories [4]

A task 1 essay containing one image should be completed in only 3 paragraphs, with less than 200 words. Time your writing and editing practices within the 20 minute test as these are inclusive during the actual test. Failure to do so could lead to a lower than expected score.

Enhance the vocabulary usage in the presentation to at leasta consistent high school level of writing. "Excluding" should have received a better score than "except" in this case as it shows a bit more advanced vocabulary and sentence development skill.

For a better overall score, it is imperative that the writer provide 3-5 sentences per paragraph. By individuallying the sentence content, he will create a tbetter balance of simple and complex sentences for scoring. Using only 2 sentences does not accomplish that task and leads to less scoring increases.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task2 - Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning [3]

The writer is not responding to the provided question. His presented opinion is nowhere near and is not even related to the writing topic as required. The prompt restatement will be prevented from achieving a passing score due to the incorrect opinion response. A partial score will instead be awarded to the paragraph.

An effort must be made during the drafting process to ensure that each sentence presentation has meaning. There is one sentence in particular concern as it does not contain a clear subject The sentence in question is:


Economic what? How does that relate to the given discussion question? It appears that the author little understands or totally did not comprehend the discussion requirements.

Based on the overall discussion presentation and concluding paragraph, I am convinced that the essay will notpass the test as it discusses a totally different topic.A topic that was created by the writer, without consideration for the original discussion requirements.

Writing Feedback / Describe a line graph which indicates the average global temperature and co2 levels [4]

The summary overview can do with more information separation in the sentence. Based on the data it currently contains, the presentation could have been divided into 3 sentences for better data dissemination. Proper year coverage for the 45 year reference is also a necessary part of the shortened presentation.

Avoid asking the reader to look at the image in greater detail. For one thing, the assumption for this test is that the image is not present for the reader. Hence the need for proper data referencing on your part. For another thing, you did not upload the image with this post for me to compare the information provided. Do you see why the image reference is useless in either instance?

The writer does not provide a proper mix of simple and complex sentences in any paragraph. Proof that he is not knowledgable about proper English sentence structures. He is only capable of writing in run- on sentence format and the only punctuation marks he uses are limited to a comma and period. Both proving a lack of grammar abilities and familiarity.

Writing Feedback / Hosting an international sports - Disscuss both views about it. [3]

The writer has not provided an accurate prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. He has presented and began his personal opinion discussion in the first paragraph rather than doing a simple restatement of the 2 public opinions along with his personal thoughts + reasons. The 3 sentence paragraph does not meet the restatement requirements because the writer did not accurately restate the public points of view prior to stating his personal thoughts. The paragraph will not receive full scoring considerations due to these errors in presentation.

The writer did his best to discuss the public opinions in each paragraph, even going to the extent of delivering a non-developed second public reason in some instances. However, he did not represent his personal opinion of the public point of view based on an effective discussion format. The format for the discussion should follow the format:

Public Opinion + Reason + Personal Opinion + Reason = Properly developed discussion paragraph

There is a missing element of the public opinion discussion. Based on the format he has chosent o use, there needs to be another paragraph that totally discusses the second opinion of the public in the essay before the personal opinion paragraph. The personal opinion cannot be continued as a discussion point in the summary conclusion either as this will create an open ended discussion presentation. A proper reverse conclusion should be provided in that section for proper scoring application.

The writer will do good to note that he has also provided solutions to the given situation even though it was not required by the prompt provided. This conclusion deviation has resulted in additional information that will not receive a score and also, cause a failure of the essay due to a prompt deviant presentation paragraph.

As of now, the writer has not written an essay that gives me the confidence that he will receive a passing score in an actual test.

Writing Feedback / Computers are often argued to be the greatest milestone in the history of technology. [4]

As a task 2 IELTS essay response, it is safe to say that this paper has been over written. With only a 40 minute time frame to write a response, the excessive word count has created more problems and scoring deductions rather than scoring improvements for the writer. When an essay is too long and over presented, it creates more grammar and sentence structure problems for the writer as his focus moves from the quality of his writing to simply writing more words for no apparent reason.

One of the problems with the essay is that the personal opinion is not supported by at least 2 thesis topics that would show the line of thinking of the author as it relates to the given discussion parameters. While he did state that his reasons were to follow in the next paragraphs, that reference does not help solidify the writer's opinion in relation to the score that is based on opinion and thought clarity. Without the supporting reasons, the opinion statement comes across as incompletely developed and lacking in convincing discussion starters.

The other problem of the presentation is the hyper focus on an increased LR score. Why is this a problem? Though the writer shows an advanced knowledge of English words, these are not often used in a manner that flows well with the discussion presentation. The words used in a task 2 essay should be more along the lines of everyday conversational English since the audience for the presentation are not professionals but rather, ordinary people. While the chosen advanced English words are impressive, the impropriety of its usage in the presentation are what causes the problem with regards to its use in sentence presentations.

The writer shows a clear understanding of the prompt and ability to deliver a related discussion series. However, the incorrect scoring focus proves to be his biggest obstacle to a passing score.

Scholarship / The operational staff - How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change [2]

If a problem only happened sometimes then there was no urgency to solve the situation. The presentation only shows a dissatisfaction on your part. It does not appear to have any wide or long range effects on the project you were involved in officially. As such, the reviewer may not consider this a true problem or obstacle that needed to be addressed with a specific remedy.

If no one else was complaining about it among the rank and fill workers, you were not really solving a problem, you were just meddling and confusing a system that worked for all involved, including your superiors. Fix that aspect of the presentation to reflect an acknowledged problem that you were assigned to develop a solution to. CIarify that you were officially instructed to act on the problem. Otherwise, it would appear that the other workers who complained about having to do the additional tasks had a right to complain. Make it clear there was no usurpation of authority on your part.

Scholarship / GKS SCHOLARSHIP FOR TRANSPORTATION ENGINEERING MAJOR. Traffic problems in Indonesia [2]

One thing that applicants must understand is that the reviewers are interested to get to know the applicant based on his personal motivations and insights. They care very little, if at all, for the insight of other people in relation to this mindset. Therefore, opening the statement by using a quote from someone else is usually a major turn off for them. They tend to lose interest in students who cannot express an original motivational thought without citing a more popular figure first. That is not seen as an original motivation at all. Use your own thoughts and words to depict your motivation. That is what impresses them the most. An original thought that can be attributed only to you. No other influence is necessary.

Paragraph 4 definitely needs more work with regards to information clarity. The opening sentence lacks a true topic presentation. Editing is needed to enhance the presentation. Discuss the results of the thesis. What were the results as applied by the city ? Was it published ? If not, then why do you believe this should be noted as an accomplishment on your part?

The essay requires an overhaul in relation to a better developed presentation in relation to the prompts. The writer has drafted his responses but failed to properly place these in an effective manner in the essay.

Undergraduate / Applying for a New Zealand scholarship in Computer Science; applying gained knowledge [4]

The applicant has not indicated if the scholarship being applied to will be for an undergraduate or masters course. There is also no reference to the specific New Zealand based scholarship being applied to. So, while the prompt was provided, I am uncertain as to which aspect of tertiary or advanced education applies to the given content. Each educational level has a different scholarship application focus, which is supported by the prompt requirement. So the applicant should understand if a thorough and applicable review cannot be provided for the given essay.

What I did find is that the provided information is too general in reference. It does not allow the reviewer to get an insight into the specific educational needs of the student as it applies to the chosen course. Familiarity with the learning program is always a must in reference to skills and theoretical development. There is a lack of these specific discussion points in this essay. If the writer had mentioned if this is for an undergraduate or masters course in the post, I would have been able to better direct the content improvement for this presentation.

Scholarship / GKS Personal Statement- Public Relations and Advertising major [2]

Try to bring up a more impressive motivation for your interest in public relations without having to go back to your childhood. That reference does not come across as a strong motivating factor because it focuses more on the development of your interest in English literature. Kickstart the motivation with an impressive event that enlightened you about the importance of PR instead. Youi should be highlighting that competition you joined as the opening statement instead. That is better related to PR and how your interest would have been influenced by the activities that you participated in. By the way, focus more on your conttibution to the group in relation to PR. Avoid referencing the group since that removes the attention of the reviewers from your participation. Your accomplishments are what should be highlighted in the presentation, not the group effort. Whenever possible, target a more profession related discussion in reference to your desire to improve your PR skills. Do not speak of anti-Korea sentiment if it can be avoided. There is no sense in bringing up any racial situations in the essay since the focus should be on you, rather than Korea. Do not beg for the scholarship by mentioning how the sponsorship can help either. That is already a given so you shoujld not try too hard to focus on the financial benefits of the scholarship as if that is the only reason you are applying for the GKS.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of households in owned and households in rented accommodation in England and Wales [2]

The writer tends to have a redundant presentation in the use of the word "household", It was used as a descriptive term repeatedly in one paragraph proving that the English vocabulary of the author is limited and he does not know ample knowledge of alternative word usage. This must be improved in future essays as his LR score will suffer because of it.

With regards to sentence structure, the presentation of the summary overview and the reporting paragraphs requires more division of content for clarity. That means, every sentence must contain only one idea to give clarity to the paragraph. Run on sentences as presented will lower the GRA score due to a confusing thought presentation.

The aassumption when writing this report is that the reader cannot see the actual image. Hence the need for a creative and imaginative way of reporting the information. There can be no reference to "as can be seen" because of the writing method required.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2! Can you guess which band? [2]

The writer has over written his essay to the point where there is a great possibility that he cannot complete all the proofreading in relation to the scoring requirements within 40 minutes. Being highly verbose in a time limited test does not prove to be beneficial most of the time. He must learn to use concise discussion sentences that will lead to cohesive paragraphs. Learn to watch the clock while drafting, writing, and editing during the practice sessions to better judge how long it will take to do the same during the actual test.

The response provided for the personal opinion is incorrect even as a proper thesis reference was provided. There should not be an extent response provided since that is not the basis of the discussion question. Always review the prompt after completing the draft so changes and adjustments can be made to the content. Try to catch score reducing errors within the 2nd writing stage. This allows ample time for rewrites or revisions as necessary.

While I can estimate the sectional and final band score for this essay, the writer will have to contact me privately for these client exclusive services. My email is listed below.

Scholarship / Personal Statement - Fashion Design. Family and Education background, extracurricular activities [3]

Stop your practice of quoting other notable names to start your essay. The reviewers are not impressed by copycats and persons who cannot manage to create an impression of themselves independently of others. Fashion is already a world of copycats, do not be one of them. Try to impress using your own thoughts. Say what you have to say but do not use the words of others to do so. Only your thoughts matter in this case. You are the applicant after all.

Do you see fashion as a form of art or, are you just copying Ralph Lauren again? It there an original idea in you? Or are you merely a plagiarist? These are the thoughts that will haunt the reviewers as they read this essay because you have cited 2 historical figures twice in different essays for your application.

Scholarship / Pioneer trailblazing research in several fields - Essay for UK Scholarship Application [2]

The writer can do better than to simply present an extended bullet form of his accomplishments. Having read the full response, will have to say that the response is extensive but lacking in terms of personal connection and development. Accomplishments that have been listed lack motivating factors as a reference, making the presentation little responsive to the prompt. The student must strive to show how all these factors connect to create a single post study career goal with the aid of a Warwick education.

The awards obtained and sports interests do not really spell out any outstanding capacity on the part of the applicant. Therefore his contribution to the development and enhancement of the Warwick community is unremarkable. The facts presented are common for most applicants, making these references less impressive in scale.

The applicant needs unique stand out moments and motivations to get ahead of the pack. Maybe focusing more on his research and what he hopes to accomplish at the end can help accomplish that.

Writing Feedback / Communication amenities - WRITING TASK 1: THE LINE GRAPH [2]

The summary overview and trending statement would have been better scored had it properly used the listing of services as a part of the summarized information. The trending statement in particular would have seen a more comprehensive presentation had the listing been used throughout the summary and trending statements. The summary sentence would have also gained better scores had it used less of a run-on presentation and more of a single idea per sentence presentation. The latter format allows the writer to display more sentence development control in a critical point of the presentation.

The reporting paragraphs are good but not well analyzed. The writer neglected to create report references to overlapping data and equivalency points where the information presented indicated similar data. Since the report should make comparisons where relevant, mentioning at least one or two of these points would have served as a scoring boost. Look for minute similarities next time to help show a critical analysis of the image presented.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others [2]

The prompt restatement is acceptable and shows a degree of control over the creation of simple and complex sentences. However, the discussion is not one that the examiner will be considered as a simple to understand presentation. While it is impressive to know that the writer can use college level English words that are used in specialized discussions, this does not mean that he was able to use the word properly in the sentence. The examiner is not looking for impressive big word usage in the essay. He is looking at the ability of the test taker to explain himself using simple everyday words. The vocabulary must consist of everyday words that the student will be using to express himself in social and academic settings. Use of specialized words will not really help the LR score when it is used out of context.

The writer gave a general discussion of the given points of view rather than delivering a comparative discussion of the public and personal opinion of the writer. The essay therefore only discusses the point of view of the writer rather than both public and private opinions as required. So the essay will be scored based on partially correct discussion considerations. The lack of pronoun usage in the discussion will definitely have a negative effect on the GRA score.

Though the discussion is good, it is not in the expected discussion format so the scoring considerations for the essay shall be limited in scope.

Writing Feedback / Today, TV channels show more men's sports than women's sports. Why is this the case? [2]

There are times when a restatement requires 2 sentences, there are times when it needs 3 sentences in the presentation. The common denominator for both is that the first sentence never indicates any sort of personal opinion from the writer. The first sentence in this paragraph does exactly that, reducing the accuracy of the restatement and the possible points awarded for that section due to information inaccuracy.

The question response is also incomplete as no reasons for the occurence were provided. so the personal opinion presentation can only recieve a partial score as well. Where there are 2 questions presented, 2 responses must be provided in the forum of the thesis statement.

The discussion paragraphs and concluding summary are up to the task and will receive proper scores. It is the weakness of the first paragraph that will reduce the overall score.

Writing Feedback / Public libraries should be replaced by computer technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [3]

The writer has successfully contradicted his own opinion in this presentation. The result is an essay that does notfully explain not support his personal opinion as stated in the prompt restatement + personal opinion section. The idea behind the reasoning paragraphs is to have the writer illustrate the reasons why his opinion, as first stated should be acceptable and seen as reasonable by the reader. That was not accomplished in this task.

The presentation instead takes to explaining why both sides of the discussion is correct. Creating a confusing opinion and discussion presentation. Aa a personal opinion is required rather thand comparative discussion, only the first stated opinion must be developed in terms of reasoning and defense. The essay is incorrectly developed and discussed in this case. The essay also does not use the required response format, leading to additional scoring deductions.

It will never recieve full TA, C + C, and GRA scores because of it. There is a possibility the essay will recieve failing marks in those sections and get an overall failing score.

Scholarship / Statement Of Purpose (my study and self introduction) for POSCO scholarship [3]

Aside from the fact that the essay does not deliver a clear statement of purpose in relation to the chosen masters course, the overall essay cannot be understood by a native English speaker / reader. That means, the essay does not make any sense to the reader because the text comes across as very badly written. The grammar is problematic and seems to have passed through a software translator.

While there is no specific prompt provided for the statement of purpose it still needs to highlight several sets of information:
1. The family background in relation to character development
2. Community service that proves a leadership ability and the possibility that the applicant will be a future leader in his home country
3. The educational background as it relates to the profession of the applicant
4. The professional experience of the applicant in relation to his need to apply for masters studies. Discuss your professional character as well.
5. The reasons why the applicant believes that he will benefit from a masters course gained in Korea.

Respond to these guide questions using proper English grammar and you should come up with a more relevant statement of purpose and self introduction. If you have a problem with writing in English, then you can contact me privately so that I can assist you with the development of your essay. You seriously need professional help in developing your response based upon what I have read here.

Writing Feedback / Is government penalizing people who use their own cars the best way to traffic / pollution problems? [3]

It is important that the essence of the original topic presentation is preserved in the rewording of the writer. That means, the writer should avoid making personal opinion references such as "it is understandable" when depicting the topic presentation. That is because such statements create an immediate discussion presentation where it is not needed nor required. The original topic must be a simple restatement, devoid of the writer's point of view. The point of view should be stated only when depicting his personal opinion in the later part of the paragraph.

When stating his opinion, the writer must avoid making a statement of uncertainty such as "I think" because the score of the paragraph will also depend on the clarity and strength of his response to the question. When uncertain references are made, that indicates that the writer does not have a clear opinion of the given topic. Additionally, he must not restate the last instruction provided for the writing. Instead, a specific solution should have been indicated as the secondary response topic for the 2 discussion paragraphs.

When expanding on a presented reason, it is important that the writer avoids presenting a secondary topic towards the end of the paragraph that he will not have the space nor time to properly build up in relation to the previously presented statement. That creates an under developed paragraph presentation and causes deductions in the cohesiveness and coherence score. It is better to have one fully developed explanation than one fully developed and one merely mentioned topic sentence in a paragraph. This could very well be the reason the essay may receive an overall failing score.

Writing Feedback / The chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the number of films produced in 5 countries [2]

A chart is different from a diagram. A chart represents a given measurement for a specific series of comparisons. A diagram presents an illustration of development or creation instructions. Incorrect use of the terms or interchanging the use of the terms chart and diagram will cause point deductions due to improper word usage and confusing presentation formats.

The writer failed to completely identify the image presented. As there there are several types of charts represented in actual reports, the report must contain a specific image identification such as "a columnar bar chart" in this instance. Incomplete identification will result in a lower accuracy score.

There is also a difference between an overview and a trend. An overview refers to a general outline or summary. A trend indicates a general course representation. The second paragraph is a trending paragraph, not a summary overview.

Problems with word usage, due to the author's unfamiliarity with actual terminologies in reference to their meaning will cause lower than expected scores for this essay. The constant incorrect word usage tends to create a confusing report that is not aligned with the original presentation.

Scholarship / Personal Statement for International Health Management [3]

Your specific service requests are covered only by our private review services. The free service covers only a general review of your essay, which you will find useful just the same. For a comprehensive review based on your requirements, you will need to contact me privately. In the meantime, here is a general review of your essay.

The personal statement contains too many disconnected topics. You are throwing ideas in there hoping that the reviewer will be impressed by the scattered ideas that mind you, do not have any professional development included in the reference. You started off your discussion with a mention of Covid -19, then did not mention it again in reference to your background, internship, or professional exposure. So what was the use of mentioning Covid 19 in this case?

There is no clear connection in your personal statement between your first degree and the development of your interest in public health. Based on your discussion, it is going to be difficult to connect the dots between Covid, your first degree, internship, and other experiences. These are all seperate information that you did not manage to properly connect in relation to the development of your interest in public health. There is no way that this personal statement will be considered by the reviewers due to the lack of proper personal interest development in public health.

Letters / Statement letter for pursuing a master's degree in petroleum refining. [2]

The letter is too weak as it does not represent a strong and imperative reason for your decision to seek a sponsorship for studying a masters course in the USA. The qualifications presented do not contain a proper reference to a continuing education in relation to an improving career path. These are but some of the considerations that the reviewer will be looking for in a statement letter. What is the purpose for your studies? How can you prove that your current job in South Sudan will gain definite benefits from you becoming a trained professional in the field of petroleum refining? I do not see any reason to grant your request based on this letter. It is shallow and fails to convince me that you actually gave any thought to the connection of the scholarship with your career plans in South Sudan. This letter is not going to help your application. You should write a new one based on the observations and questions that I have provided.

Writing Feedback / The investment in health promotion is more crucial than the treatment of people who are already ill [3]

The infomation provided in the original prompt was represented properly in the reworded paragraph. That is a plus for this presentation. However, the minus comes from the inadequate response of the writer to the extent question. There are 2 reasons for the inadequacy in the presentation:

1. The writer only disagreed with the opinion provided. The expected measured / emotional response is missing from the final answer. The response will only receive partial scoring due to the incomplete nature of the response format.

2. While it will be acceptable for the writer to take a "middle of the road" response to the question, the lack of thesis statement presentation based on topic reasoning made the response incomplete.

The writer has wasted the second paragraph as a scoring consideration. Rather than presenting acceptable reasons for the discussion of a specific opinion, he chose to create an elaborate 2nd introduction to the topic instead. It will not receive any scoring consideration. This leaves the discussion under developed in totality.

The opinion the writer presents in the second paragraph does not support his previous claim in his opinion statement. This discrepancy will result in a failed discussion score in reference to the coherence and cohesiveness of the overall paragraphs. The writer has not written a passing score essay. There is no clear connection between the original discussion points and the discussion essay the writer created.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1: The Percentage of Canadian workforce in five main industries [3]

The task 1 essay focuses on the ability of the writer to analyze and present the results of the measurement in a factual manner. His personal opinion should never be present in the report. Therefore, points will be deducted for any statement of fact stemming from a personal perspective such as


. That should be reworded to remove the reference to "highlight" and "fact". Referencing a trend in one of several ways would be more acceptable.

The writer should have completed this report within 175 words only since it is only a 20 minute task. The writer will be unable to complete more than 200 + words during the actual test. It is the writer's mistaken assumption that the word count will make him pass the test. Rather, it created constant redundancies in the presentation that indicate a lack of thought clarity and analytical ability along with problems in sentence formation. All of which recieve scores while the word count does not.

Writing Feedback / Is it a fact that earning extremely high salaries by few people is good for the country? [2]

The first paragraph will lose points for lack of restatement clarity. The 2 public opinions must be presented as individual sentences to avoid long and confusing sentence meanings. The current structure indicates a lack of control over sentence formation on the part of the writer. The first part of the presentation offers a factual statement which indicates a writer's opinion rather than the sentiments of the ouginal prompt. something that should be avoided when completing the restatement part.

The writer has not created a clear demarcation in the discussion paragraphs. It appears that both public opinion discussions come from the personal ideas of the writer. There is a lack of public justifications to the presentation as required by the original references to "some people" and "others". These 2 opposing sides must be presented clearly through the correct use of appropriate pronouns. Though the discussions will be given scores, it will not be as high as if these were properly formatted.

The writer must never present his opinion as a conclusion. The concluding summary is not structured for additional discussion. Doing so will create an open-ended essay which could lead to a failing score. The concluding summary is an integral and import aspect of this essay that should never be incorrectly formatted.

Graduate / AAS Question About Human Resoursces needs [4]

You are not answering the question. They want to be sure that you will not remain in Australia as an undocumented immigrant after you complete your studies. The prompt asks you to provide a statement of evidence that offers the reasons why you will return to your home country. The focus has to be on your professional opportunities after you return to the country. Will you still be employed by the same company? If so, in what position will it be in? Will it be a promotion? If not, then why do you still wish to return to the same organization? These are the questions you should respond to in your essay. Your current response is irrelevant. It does not apply to the prompt.

Writing Feedback / IS FREEDOM OF SPEECH NECESSARY IN A FREE SOCIETY. TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE ? (250 words minimum) [2]

I believe that the writer has meant this essay piece for as a task 2 response. In which case, although the word count is appropriate, the overall discussion format is not. For starters, there is no proper prompt restatement + personal opinion presentation in the first paragraph. There should not be an immediate discussion presented as yet in that section as it is only the interpretation of the topic that should be present along with a properly formatted personal opinion. There was no need to cite George Orwell in the presentation at all.

Then, the writer presents a lack of personal support for his opinion. The uncertainty of his statements ( I suppose, I think), create a question in relation to clear opinion presentation and supporting facts. This shows a failure of reasoning on the part of the test taker. Since he cannot strongly support his opinions, he cannot convince the readers of the facts that create the foundation for his opinion.

Overall, this is a weak essay that will not receive a high score due to the errors in presentation and formatting.