Undergraduate / Cornell UG Mech Eng - "what is your eng idea and how can Cornell help you?" [7]

You should expand upon the ideas you mentioned in the last paragraph. Why Cornell should take up roughly 1/3 to 1/2 of your essay, not just one little paragraph at the end. So definitely be specific on why you think Cornell can help you contribute to your goal and how you can benefit the community in return. Good luck.

Undergraduate / "The Snake Head has affected me" - Yale Essay transformational book [8]

^Oh you're right. I guess it's too late to change the essay now, but you should definitely consider my advice for your other schools.

Undergraduate / "Moving from Pakistan, a calm and conservative country to the US" - YALE ESSAY [3]

To be honest, writing about the "immigrant experience" should be all but avoided. It is a very cliche topic. Don't get me wrong, it can be an AMAZING essay, but the topic itself is just too common for the essay to be meaningful. If you have another essay, I would use that.

It's not a bad essay - I just doubt it will mean much to the admission officers, who have read thousands of essays just like this.

Undergraduate / "The Snake Head has affected me" - Yale Essay transformational book [8]

Umm... the Yale supplemental essay is not a place to write a book report, which is what your essay essentially is. I barely learned anything about who you are. But you still have another 24 hours and 20 minutes (it's due on Jan 1 at 11:59PM EST). I would write about something else or rewrite the 3rd paragraph to reflect how the book has affected you.

Undergraduate / Imagination, Creativity, and Freedom -- Why Stanford Essay [9]

"Stanford has been a pioneer in Engineering over the past few decades. It has been the home of Google, Yahoo, HP, and many more aspiring ideas. Stanford's location in the heart of the Silicon Valley, allows it to offer an unparalleled engineering curriculum"

I think the admission officers already know this - no need to repeat it. Similarly, the first 2 paragraphs can be omitted as well. You need to talk about how you plan to contribute to Stanford's unique community (and define what that community means to you). Good luck.

Undergraduate / "uh oh cliche! the actions of President Woodrow Wilson" - princeton essay [5]

Unfortunately, this is not a place to write a biography of Woodrow Wilson. I barely learned about who YOU are in this essay. A cliche is a cliche - don't write about it unless that person has some kind of personal connection to you.

Undergraduate / MIT Help: "Self-motivation"; "Being Lebanese"; "Overcoming an Injury" [2]

Your "most significant challenge" essay is very cliche - it doesn't stand out. I would try using something unique.

Undergraduate / "Empathy & the blue tin" - princeton supplement [4]

It's good essay overall. However, this statement is unclear: "I have never forgotten the lessons I have learned from them".

What lessons?

Undergraduate / Stanford: "History must never repeat itself" (intellectual vitality essay) [4]

I like it. Since it's only 205 words, you should definitely work towards that 250 limit. Add more of your analysis, maybe expanding on the idea of "What strength do I have when I can't even relate to the Korean War on a personal level?" Good luck.

Undergraduate / "research and innovation + commitment to the community" - WHY STANFORD? [4]

You should cut the first paragraph and you can add another sentence or two about how you plan on contributing to Stanford's community. When you think about it, the first paragraph really doesn't say anything the rest of your essay doesn't cover.

Undergraduate / "want to major in Engineering" Which department at MIT appeals to you and why ? [12]

Uhh... this does not sound like a MIT-caliber essay. Anyone can mess around with a TI-89. You have to think outside the box - what would a MIT student do?

Undergraduate / "discussions about anything from Plato to quantum physics" - Columbia Supplement [6]

You want to get straight to the point, and not start talking about Columbia during the last 1/3 part of your essay. You can begin the essay with "When I learned that upon admittance to Columbia, each student receives a copy of The Iliad..." and your essay would still be equally effective. But now, you can add a lot more things about Columbia itself and why it's attractive to you. Good luck.

Undergraduate / "The hardship of my life" - Possible Yale/Harvard supplement essay [13]

Your Common App essay is indeed amazing - you have overcome so much to be at where you are today.

With that said, you should reflect on another aspect of your life or your personality in this supplement. Maybe something more lighthearted that can complement your Common App. That way, you have two essays combining to make a formidable duo that make it hard for an admission officer to put to the "reject" pile. Usually, two separate essays shouldn't touch upon the same topics. Good luck!

Undergraduate / "In Malaysia, Brazil, Tanzania; working in a village hospital" - JHU supplement [10]

It's a pretty good essay. If you want to shorten it, cut the introduction. Admission officers want you to cut the fluff and get right to the point. :)

Undergraduate / "A Fan of giving; I am much more than 250 words" Stanford Roommate Prompt [6]

Personally, I don't think you should talk about 20 different things at once. Like you said, it is only the "tip of the iceberg". Therefore, you should focus on one or two aspects of your personality that stands out the MOST. A lot of people are athletic, a lot are of people love to cook, you get the point. What sets you apart? Convey that and you just nailed this essay :)

Undergraduate / "going through the numerous clubs and organizations" - Columbia Supplement [8]

I wouldn't use the New York City as a reason. I heard from the Columbia admission officer that almost every single application describes that as a plus. Why not NYU? Or Stony Brook? Or CUNY? I'm sure they give free access as well...

Also, you never answered the prompt, which is: "what do you find MOST appealing about Columbia". You named so many different things, but you need to pick ONE.

Otherwise, the things you named were fine. I wouldn't go far to say it "stands out", because it really doesn't. You should try to write something unique... somethign that relates to you, and how Columbia can help you pursue that.

Undergraduate / "the cultural wonders of India in America" - MIT - the world you came from [4]

It's very well written and it's certainly not a bad essay. But I'm sure you know that many people with your background is also applying to MIT. What makes you stand out?

I faced a similar issue when I was writing my MIT essay. I want to genuinely describe the world where I come from, but those topics are too hackneyed and they don't give me a chance to stand out. So instead, I focused on a tiny event in my life that eventually became the blossoming point. But anyways, it's up to you. Good luck!

Undergraduate / "To change the world; starving African babies" UPenn supplement [10]

You really have to mention Penn's SPECIFIC programs and how you plan to contribute to them. It is not enough to just mention what field you want to go into. You have to talk about how Penn's programs can help you reach that goal.

Undergraduate / "engaging with present issues" - What appeals to me most - Columbia [3]

Overall, I think it's a good Why Columbia essay. If you want to make it even better, work on tightening it. As in... your essay right now is too all over the place. So maybe focus on a few specifics and really mention what you plan to contribute to those Columbia programs (and why you became interested in them). Good luck!

Undergraduate / "Following the Footsteps of Three Generations of Doctors..." -Why Columbia Supplement [5]

This essay asks: "What is most appealing about Columbia"

You mentioned... two or three things. PICK ONE.

Also, talking about "following the footsteps of three generation of doctors" does nothing to help your application. It is wasting valuable words that you can spend talking about Columbia's various extracurricular activities. Plus, it depicts you as a "follower" rather than a "leader". You don't want to follow the footsteps, you want to take new steps outward.

Lastly, there are plenty of universities in NYC with access to the places you mentioned. Why do you want to come to Columbia to experience them? That's what you left out in your essay.

Undergraduate / "I improved my cricket game" - JHU Short Answer Supplement Essay [5]

"what activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins"

They're not looking for one. And honestly... if the only thing you say you want to participate in at JHU is cricket, then your chance of getting admitted is very slim. You must talk about JHU's activities, extracurriculars, programs, clubs, etc.

Undergraduate / "computer science, music and movies" - JHU-activity [5]

I will focus on content: You have to be wayyyyy more specific. What clubs are you going to be active in? What movie club? You need to do some research and put it in your essay.

Undergraduate / "play rubik's cube at Johns Hopkins" -Johns Hopkins Supplement [3]

Does JHU have a Rubik's Cube Club? I'm not sure why you are talking about playing the Rubik's Cube when the prompt is "What activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate AT Johns Hopkins?" For example... clubs, programs, events, etc etc etc. You can definitely talk about playing the Rubik's Cube, but this is the wrong place to do so.

Undergraduate / "the nectar to the intellectual bees" - what makes Stanford a good place for you [2]

There is no specifics in this essay at all. I'd recommend that you write something that actually applies to Stanford.

Undergraduate / "the application of a theory" - Johns Hopkins - why I choose to major in engineering [7]

This is secretly a "Why Johns Hopkins" essay. So be sure to insert things about why you want to study engineering at JHU.

Undergraduate / "my interests in Biomedical Engineering" - Pennsylvania Supplement: Paths at Upenn [7]

Hmm... it'd be nice if Penn actually had a Biomedical Engineering major. Also, you should talk more about Penn than about yourself. Anyways, good luck!

Undergraduate / "less than 15 hours each week" - Johns Hopkins- activities to engage at JHU? [7]

I'm not going to lie - it's a bit boring. Maybe you should somehow convert it into a story?

I hope you're not applying to BME... this essay will surely get you rejected.

Undergraduate / "Give me a lever big enough and I'll move the world"- Yale Engineering Essay [4]

I love how only the last 20% of your essay mentions Yale. Even then, I find it interesting that you love the Malone Engineering Center because it is "aesthetically pleasing and brilliant", not because it provides infinite research opportunities to explore the field of engineering. Spend more time talking about Yale and what you plan to contribute. Good luck.

Undergraduate / Roomie + a good place for you: Stanford's Undergrad Essay Questions 2 and 3 [6]

Speaking as a Stanford student, none of these are good. I fail to see how any of the 3 options portray Stanford more than say... Harvard or Princeton or Yale. More rule of thumb is: If you replace Stanford with Harvard and everything still makes sense, then the essay doesn't work. You need way more specifics, such as what type of special courses Stanford offers, or special events. As of right now, it is too generic and you have almost no chance of getting in. But don't worry - you still have time to change it! Good luck.

Undergraduate / my significant dilemma i faced. a death of a boyfriend. [4]

This essay is 99% about what happened, and 1% about how it affected you.

Not to sound inconsiderate, but colleges don't care about how your loved one died. Rather, they care about how that person's passing affected you.

And a last thing: you should try using "best friend" instead of "boyfriend". I feel like talking about relationships is a bit risky in college admissions. Seeing a "best friend" die in a motorcycle accident is a lot more touching than a "boyfriend". But that might just be me. Good luck.

Undergraduate / Columbia is cool, teaches, and aids foreigners - in 1500 letters [11]

If it's humor... it's not funny. I would remove all of the "humor" and get to the point. Your essay sounds very childish.

And FYI, Columbia is not need-blind, so you will have /very/ tough competition for the few financial aid packages. Good luck.

Undergraduate / MUN or Travelling experience - Why Columbia? - Which version is better? [4]

Both are very nice written, so you can't go wrong with either one. I would go with the 2nd one because it is a bit more specific, since you mentioned meeting a former student of Columbia. To make the essay even better, you should incorporate even more details about Columbia and why it's the right place for you (e.g. academic programs). Good luck!

Undergraduate / Influenced by drugs and now I'm applying to a UC [5]

Please please please don't talk about this:

"Because of my parents absence, one night, I was introduced to alcohol by my "friends." That night I discovered how quickly alcohol allowed me to break free from the excruciating pain that was burning inside me.

A few weeks after my first date with alcohol, I began smoking marijuana. At first, I was only consuming it a few times a month, eventually it became twice a week. By the beginning of my sophomore year I was consuming the drug daily, until eventually it was scheduled twice into my day. I was convinced that this drug was the only way to numb the agonizing depression that was overpowering me. Ironically, I woke up the next morning with the same pain in my chest."

Find some other way to describe your pain and how you dealt with it. But don't talk about drugs and alcohol - it will be an automatic reject even if you said you overcame it. Good luck.

Undergraduate / "My grandma" (world I come from) + "Mind games" (personal quality/talent) [3]

Your UC1 is pretty good. However, your UC2 is too much story and very little "you". It also falls under the "Big Game" topic, which is so common that anything resembling it becomes hackneyed. Yours was not really an exception, so I seriously encourage you to write a new essay or put a different spin on it. As a reader, when I first began reading the essay, I thought: "Let me guess... she is losing the game, then an epiphany occured, and she won the game. Thus, she learned a lot about herself." And guess what? That's exactly what happened. It's not a very good essay if I can predict what will happen the moment I read your first sentence.

Anyways, best of luck.

Undergraduate / "no pains, no gains" - from Taiwan to America; "my world" - rough draft [3]

I think it would be more beneficial for you to show this to your English teacher and ask him/her to make some corrections. Good luck!

Undergraduate / ENGINEERING... follow in my father's footsteps - YALE [7]

I just have to say... Kaiser did a wonderful job of editing your essay. He pointed out the most glaring flaw in your essay: if you were to replace Yale with any other university, it would still work. So definitely follow his advice!

Undergraduate / "I have no clue who I am" - Admission Essay Topic of Choice [6]

Too general - focus on one specific aspect of your life that offers us a glimpse of who you are. Don't talk about 200 different things and generalize it and say "all of that makes me who I am". It's usually not very effective because the reader will have no lasting impressions.

Undergraduate / "Post 9/11 backlash violence" Local/national concern admissions essay [8]

You were less than 10 when this happened. Please don't make up stuff and say "I held back my tears". I personally don't recommend using 9/11 as a starting off point - there are people who were actually there on that day and wrote much more emotional essays.

Instead, you could start off with something like: "As an Indian-American, I am forever bound to the hyphen." (don't use that exactly, since it's already be used successfully to Stanford.) It just starts off PERSONAL, and I am immediately enthralled to it - do you see where I am going? I doubt it's 9/11 itself that has effected you, but what occurred AFTER. So please respect those who lost their loved ones on that day and choose a different beginning, a more personal beginning.

Undergraduate / Sincerity - MIT Attribute of Your Personality Essay Prompt - Editing [5]

This is WAYY to complicated. This is supposed to be where you can let your personality shine, not inundate others in a myriad of sophisticated verbiage (see what I just did? haha I'm so clever). Anyways, you have to talk more about YOU and less about the name of books you like. The most effective essays say something simple, but reveal something deep about the author. For example, you sound like you have a passion for literature. Say that! Don't wander around the topic because you only have 250 words - you don't want to bore the reader. Anyways, this is just my advice. Good luck.

Undergraduate / Science Research -- Common App Activity [3]

Haha I knew you were from Palos Verdes after your second sentence - it is a very unique program.

With that being said... you should not compromise your essay by saying things like "even though part of my hypothesis was invalidated" or "I adhered strictly to the scientific principles". Remember... the best discoveries came from unorthodox procedures!