Essays / How to write an opinion essay about global warming? [5]

You had better write your essay yourself first and then we will help you to correct it :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: What to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. [8]


including news editors who are fully responsible


There are some factors that news editors should take into account.

It's hard to distinguish your introduction from your body paragraph. You don't need to go into details in the introduction and the examples are not quite necessary here. Instead, you should state the main topic of the essay and express your opinion or answer the given question clearly.

Writing Feedback / Movies and television changing the way that we entertain; big influence [5]


I think readers may get confused as to whether there are positive effects and why you do not want to include them in the essay. Another thing is that this is contradictory to the rest of the essay, where you only mention the positive effects.


connect to the Internet




much better.


This is not aligned with your introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, LIFE WILL BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE OR NOT [5]


I think you should present your ideas more clearly and construct simpler sentences that are more relevant to the topic. Don't make your introduction too complicated with vague sentences.


Don't use "you" and "your" in your academic writing.


This is not aligned with your first body paragraph, where you didn't mention anything about pollution.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: International students graduating from universities in Canada [2]


The bar chart compares international graduates in percentage terms from universities in seven regions in Canada in two separate years, 2001 and 2006.
I think you should write an overview after the introduction. This is to mention the most significant features of the chart before going to details in following paragraphs.


These two sentences are not quite clear as readers may not know whether there is any notable difference between two ranges of figures you stated above (as they are quite similar). You could simply write one sentence about the upward trend and this could be used in the overview.

There was a gradual increase in the proportion of international students from 2001 to 2006.


There is still a gap between the figures in 2001 and 2006. If you write like this, it seems that the figures are quite close to each other and the increase is not clearly described.


which experienced a decrease in the percentage of international graduates
I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland [4]


rising from 12000 million minutes in 1995 to a peak of 17000 million in 2000. After that, it fell back to the 1995 figure in 2004.


The total number of minutes of national and international landline calls


What do you mean by "in question" in this sentence?

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: International migration in UK [3]


Both the number of people came to and left the UK increased gradually in the first five years, though immigration rate was significantly higher.
Also, as far as I'm concerned, "from" and "to" are the prepositions used after "immigrate" and "emigrate", rather than "in" and "out of".


peaked at approximately 250000 in 2004

Writing Feedback / IELTS Let students still have some challenges in art-based subjects, but not give mark on their work [4]


I wish you could include your own opinion in the introduction of your essay.


This paragraph is quite off-topic to me. I think you should focus on whether arts-based subjects should be compulsory instead of how teachers evaluate their students' performances.


Again, this is not aligned with the prompt given to you. Whether teachers should grade the work of students or not is not what the topic asks you to give your opinion about.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Flowchart process of academic writing [6]



Overall, writing a formal essay requires six stages to be fulfilled before submitting the final version.


have a discussion


Learners could take advantage of materials in the library or do fieldwork like giving questionnaires and conducing surveys at this stage.


The result of the first two stages is the first draft of the essay, for which students need organize the content and produce a brief outline in advance.


However is not the appropriate preposition here. You could use "Next" or "Following that" instead.


Students should revise the draft by reading the resource material again prior to adding suggestion and checking quotations to form the second draft.


should be carried out strictly


rewriting the final draft


careful checking


Students have to submit the essay


I agree with Pahan :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The continuous movement of water on, above & below the surface of the Earth [7]


I find this question unnecessary.


This sentence could be used in the overview paragraph as it shows readers the most remarkable features of the diagram.


At the evaporation stage, 80% of water vapor in the air come from the oceans.


This is followed by the precipitation stage, in which water falls from the ground in the form of rain or snow.


I think the snow is the result of precipitation rather than the water in mountainous lakes.


The word "produce" is not appropriate here to me. In my opinion, water just changes its states throughout the cycle.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Bar and Line Charts! Tourists Of Japan Travelling Abroad! [8]


from 1985 to 1995 :)


This is the number, not the proportion.


after a slight decline, traveler numbers continued to rise and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.



one year later


The figure dropped to 4% one year later before recovering to hit around 6% in 1995.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The continuous movement of water on, above & below the surface of the Earth [7]

You are welcome, Eddy :) And also, congratulations on your IELTS score! You deserve it every bit :-D

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]


the proportion of male inmates was considerably higher than that of women.


females of similar age


declined gradually.


This is not prediction, so this part could be omitted.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Internet Use in Europe [10]

You should attach the right graph with your essay so we could provide you with more comments :)


leisure activities of adults


This sentence is quite confusing. I can see from your fourth paragraph that the proportions of other activities are not quite small.



a slight fall


decreased rapidly


Other activities accounted for only 6% of the total spare time of European adults in 1985


You don't need to give any interpretation from the data. There may be other reasons why adolescents talked less with their family.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]

Sorry, you could use simple tense here. However, you also use both past tense and simple tense in your body paragraphs. Decide one to use in your whole essay :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]

No, I mean you should decide which tense should be used in your essay.
Let's have a look at your paragraphs:


No years are given in both charts but you used simple present tense in the first sentence and the simple past tense in the second one.


Again, you used two different tenses to describe the chart in this paragraph. When it comes to a chart without any years given, you could use either simple past or simple present tense but using both of them is not a good idea.

Writing Feedback / Analysis of a questionnaire on kids activities - IELTS writing task 1 sample: Pie Graph [8]


The two pie charts compare the participation of Australian children of both gender in percentage terms.


This could form a separate overview paragraph.
Overall, the majority of activities girls are involved in are different from those of boys, with the exception of reading and listening to music. Likewise, while dancing is the most popular activity among girls, computer games account for the highest proportion of boys' participation.

Your essay has only 140 words, less than the required total number of words. Also, you should reorganize your ideas by stating the most significant features of the charts first and going into details afterwards.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Australian children leisure activity [5]


The given bar chart compares the participation of Australian boys and girls aged 5 -14 in five leisure activities in percentage terms.


watching television is the most popular activity among boys and girls.


skateboarding or rollerblading accounts for the lowest proportion of both genders.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Subway system in six major countries [5]


The table compares six underground railway systems in terms of opening date, total length of route and passenger numbers per year.


Kyoto's subway has the shortest route and lowest number of passengers


I think this part adds no value to your sentence.


This sentence has grammatical mistakes.
The latest system of the six is in Los Angeles, which is inaugurated in 2001 and responsible for carrying 50 million passengers annually over the route of 28 kilometers.


Actually, there are four systems established in the twentieth century.
You should pay attention to your grammar!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1; The consequence of a survey of grown up person education [5]


I feel that this sentence is not necessary. Although it is shown in the prompt that the charts are the results of a survey, it is the data from the charts that you should focus on.


of adult students


You should include main features of both the bar chart and the pie chart in this overview paragraph.


The comma after "study" should be omitted.



taxpayers should share 25% of total costs of education, which is 10% lower than the corresponding figure for employers.


I think this sentence should be written first in the fourth paragraph as it is the most significant feature.
Individuals should be responsible for the highest percentage of tuition fees with 40%.

Writing Feedback / Analysis of a questionnaire on kids activities - IELTS writing task 1 sample: Pie Graph [8]


I think you should start your detailed paragraphs with the highest or lowest figures as they are the most remarkable features and may catch our attention first. Then you could continue with other smaller features.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should whistle blowers be immune from punishment? [3]


have to be imprisoned
I don't think "put to jail" means that they have to spend the rest of their life in prison.


protected from danger


However
"Although" can't stand alone at the beginning of a sentence, with a comma after it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Total UK School Spendings! [4]


three years/three separate years


was spent on


This part is unnecessary


were expended


were 15% each.


while the latter made up 23% of total school spending in 2001


the proportion of insurance expenditure remained stable for the first ten years prior to rising to 8% in 2001.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: The population growth! each period of time had different leaders [5]


The column chart compares population growth rates in twelve cities over a 25-year period.


This could be separated to form an overview paragraph. Also, the bold part is quite confusing.


,


If you use "First and foremost", "To begin with" seems to be redundant.


There was a significant increase in the population of all cities from 1975 to 2000.
I feel that your ideas are quite disorganized. You should follow Pahan's suggestion on the structure of this task and reorganize your ideas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Fitness membership among male and female (rewrite) [4]


The chart compares the number of female and male members of a fitness club between 1970 and 2000.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Fitness membership among male and female (rewrite) [4]


the number of female members


I think female membership experienced an upward trend during this time as it nearly doubled its 1970 figure after 10 years. Also, this make your next words "continued the fluctuation" not very logical to me.


This part is not very necessary. Instead, you could add one more sentence in your overview. For example, male membership surpassed the corresponding figure for women in the majority of the years within the period, with the exception of 1985 and 2000.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 (Line Chart) - Goods Transported by Four Modes of Transport. [4]




The comma here could be omitted.


After a slight increase in 1998, it reached a peak of more than 65 million in 2002.


Compared to/In comparison with


This sentence lacks a subject.
Meanwhile, the latter experienced a decade of fluctuation prior to finishing the period at 40 million.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Retirement homes or Living with families? Which way is better for the elderly? [12]


It is much better to state your opinion clearly in the introduction.


You should start your body paragraph with a direct reason why some elderly people are living in retirement homes. This sentence seems a bit off-topic.


Most people are so busy pursuing their business that they have little or no time to spend with their parents. That is why some of them even have to send their parents to nursing homes, citing it is the only way to guarantee these elders will be taken care of.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : average annual Gross Domestic Products (GDP) [12]


The chart compares annual Gross Domestic Product (GDP) growth rates of wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globalisers in four consecutive decades.


This overview paragraph is not clear.
Overall, wealthy countries experienced a decrease in their GDP growth rates, as opposed to globalisers whose rates increased significantly during the period. Meanwhile, there was a fluctuation in average GDP growth rates of non-globalisers.


Non-globalisers' rate rose gradually from 2.5% in the 1960s to around 3% a decade later. However, it plummeted to less than 1% in the 1980s before a slight recovery at the end of the period.




,


I think in the first body paragraph, you should make comparisons between two opposite trends of wealthy countries and globalisers, and the second body paragraph is to describe the fluctuation of non-globalisers. This will be more aligned with the overview.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: age percentage of people in Yemen and Italy between 2000 and 2050 [8]

The pie charts compare the populations of different age groups of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and 2050 in percentage terms.


You could separate this part from your introduction to make an overview paragraph.


the percentage/proportion of people

Writing Feedback / IELTS PART 1 - Car ownership in Britain 1971-2007 [5]


Ok but you should attach the graph with your essay :)


The graph illustrates the changes in British car ownership from 1971 to 2007.


Overall, most of the households owned one car during the period. While there was an increase in the percentage of households owning at least two cars, the proportion of households without a car declined rapidly.




The proportions of households having two cars or above were significantly lower


owning/who owned

Writing Feedback / IELTS PART 1 - Car ownership in Britain 1971-2007 [5]

Don't worry, Hung! You presented the ideas clearly and just made a few grammatical mistakes. Keep on practicing and you will surely improve :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: full-time education for young people 18 and below; agree or disagree [5]


should always be given priority by students


, which usually leads to their poor academic results


You could start a new sentence from here to avoid a too lengthy one.


do not
Don't use contractions in your essay


These words sound a bit informal to me. You could use "solve the problems" instead.
You write very well and the ideas are clearly presented :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Expenditure on fast food by Income groups in UK; hamburger and pizza [6]


"Decrease" and "Increase" are used to describes changes of a subject with times. However, in this essay, you have to compare expenditures of three groups of people so comparative and superlative adjectives should be used.

Writing Feedback / IELS - A cheap air travel? advantage/ disadvantage; overweight - safety considerations [4]


You should open a new thread to post your essay rather than posting in an available post!


airline companies offer cheap flight prices to customers




a low salary

Writing Feedback / IELTS exam: studying at university is the best route to reach successful career [8]


It is better if you state your opinion right in the introduction.


By doing so, they are able to become financially independent from their parents as soon as possible.


You should pay attention to the consistent use of nouns and possessive adjectives.


they decided to secure a job and start earning for their living


Do you mean that money brings them happiness?


they still have to rely on their parents due to financial constraints.


the number of


You should explain why higher education will lead to a better future. This sentence just repeats the idea of your previous sentence.


This is not always true as far as I'm concerned.


This is not about educated or non-educated people, but about whether graduates should continue to study or start a career after school.

Writing Feedback / The most beneficial discovery in last 100 years - internet invention; many impacts [7]


If you use "today's", "contemporary" becomes redundant.


The prompt asks you about the most beneficial discovery in the last 100 years. However, your essay is about the Internet, which is an invention. As far as I'm concerned, their meanings are not similar:

- Discovery is finding out or figuring out something that already exists.
- Invention is using objects that preexist to create something new that is first of its kind.

Writing Feedback / Begin learning EL at primary rather than secondary school?Advantages outweigh disadvantage [4]


In the age of globalization, English plays a more prominent role than ever before.


I find these questions unnecessary.


In my opinion, studying English since primary schools is more beneficial to children.

Writing Feedback / IELTS exam: studying at university is the best route to reach successful career [8]




find it hard to secure a job


I find these two sentences are not coherent with the paragraph.


have a better future career prospect.



This sentence depicts the same idea as your previous sentence.


You could give an example of how knowledge from university or college are required in workplace, such as data processing skill or presentation skill, which I think is more convincing.


I have to reiterate that students who choose to continue to study further after their graduation are more likely to have a successful career.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The same money for sport activities or libraries? They assemble money from learner [7]


Universities are places where students can acquire a large amount of worthwhile knowledge.


This part is pretty confusing. What is your final opinion on this statement?


You don't have to capitalize the first letter of university as it is not a proper noun.
Also, you should pay careful attention to your grammar!