Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by karissa_a16
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Last Post: Dec 31, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 94  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 98 / page 1 of 3
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karissa_a16   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Hispanic culture / Medicine / Jewish Men' - NYU Supplement [5]

Okay. Your second and third ones are reaaaaaaaaaaally inappropriate. I think you tried to put some humor in there but it definitely did not work! They were really funny from a teenage standpoint, but an AO would probably not be so accepting (no pun intended). Your first one has a good concept, but you need to execute it better. Sorry :/ Please check out my common app one. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the Kimmel center' - WHY NYU? Supplement [8]

I think you could substitute columbia or any other school into this essay and it would still make sense. I think you should focus on the portal schools because that's something NYU prides themself on. If you can go over this essay and you cant substitute another school, then it will be great. Please check out my common app one. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / UVa Supplement - World I come from "Neighbors" [3]

Your writing style comes off as kind of juvenile to me. You have a good concept here but you need to find a different way of writing about it. Please check out my common app one. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'like the bridge in the guitar' - Why Conncoll? [4]

I think you should expand on the small school thing. some of the diction gets repetitive, though. Please check out my common app one. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Commonapp- Picking My Eyebrows [16]

@Jasononwenu: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
karissa_a16   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / UVa supplement - Engineering Essay "Glass Bridge" [2]

you have a cool idea with the glass floor thing. I don't really know anything about engineering, but I would definitely use that bridge if it existed haha. I think that you shouldn't focus on the park part at all because it's kind of irrelevant. there's a lot of irrelevant material in the beginning of your essay. Please read my common app one. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Notre-Dame Supp: "The Unexplored"/"Moral Radiance" [7]

I like the second one. I think you should focus a little more on notre dame specifically, but don't put in fluff just for the sake of length. it is a personals statement afterall. Please read mine! Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Commonapp- Picking My Eyebrows [16]

Okay, so this is my fourth try at my common app essay because I felt that all of my previous attempts really weren't... me. So here goes. Please be brutally honest!!!!

As I am writing this essay, I am also picking at my eyebrows (note that I say picking, not pulling out; my eyebrows are still intact). My habit may not particularly constructive, but there is something about the feeling of a tiny hair in between my thumb and index finger that I cannot seem to get enough of. It is a rather soothing practice that has gotten me through some stressful times in my life. No matter how many friends and acquaintances come and go, my eyebrows and fingers are always at my disposal. In addition, picking helps me focus on the task at hand. It has definitely helped me get through all nighters, SAT's, and homework, among other things.

As much as I enjoy picking, I feel alone in my odd habit at times. There are no posters that state "If you pick your eyebrows, you are in good company," and my family likes to make fun of me when I am in the middle of a good pick. They cannot comprehend the bliss that my habit brings me, and I do not expect them or anyone else to understand. Nonetheless, I will continue to pick my eyebrows because I do not see any legitimate reason to stop. I have come to embrace this strange quirk of mine despite the naysayers. After all, my habit is one of the few things that is completely and uniquely my own, since, as far as I know, I am the only picker in the world.

If picking has taught me anything, it's that the small, personal things that make each individual unique are the foundation of diversity, not necessarily race or socioeconomic status. When it comes down to it, people are very similar to each other, no matter how much we try to stand out. I consider a group of people to be diverse when each person has distinct peculiarities, ranging from the somewhat normal to the completely strange. I, for example, am an identical twin who knows how to knit, hates beef jerky with a passion, and loves to pick her brows. As much as I appreciate ethnic diversity, I also admire personal variety. Interesting stories transcend societal barriers and make for very exciting friendships and acquaintances. In college, I envision students with radically different backgrounds, oddities, likes, and dislikes coming together and appreciating each other for the little, seemingly insignificant things that make us unique.

If variety be the spice of life, pick on.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / WHY DUKE?? Management and Market Program + Civic Engagement [7]

By taking courses like MMS 180: Entrepreneurial Opportunities & Finance, SOC 126: The Challenges of Development, and SOC 145: Nations, Regions & the Global Economy

cutting that helps it flow better. I don't think it's redundant because they all relate to what you described in your essay in different ways.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Quit, you will be better without it' - running common app essay [3]

the whole music metaphor is reaaaaaaaally cliche. Sorry. What if you recounted an important race your parents didn't attend and how it shaped you? That might be better. Please check out my NYU essay. Good luck!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Student Talk / Common app - I only 150 words, but a minimum was 250. [16]

No, once you submit it, you can't change it. Sorry :/ hopefully they'll give you a break for being an international applicant. besides, I don't think they'll reject you for a spelling error :)
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "Crumbs" -- Brown, Rice, Tufts [12]

I REALLY like this!! the concept is really cool and you tie it all together very well! My only criticism would be to check over again for minor grammatical errors and delete wordiness to make it precise. If it helps, I get from this essay that you are quietly interesting. You may appear to be bland, but there's definitely interesting things in there. Please read my NYU one if you can. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / WHY DUKE?? Management and Market Program + Civic Engagement [7]

projects sparked my interest as I browsed through the school website .

the M&M Program write it out if you can

simultaneously exploring issues

As for extracurricular activities, I was ecstatic to learn that Duke does not isolate itself in a bubble from the outside world. "Civic engagement is a cornerstone of the Duke experience," the President Brodhead's eloquent words find a better way to introduce this; it's kind of awkward

with the Social Entrepreneur Corps

You use therefore a lot. Sometimes the essay is structured like "Statement---> and therefore, I learned blank" if that makes sense.

Overall, it's good. You get your point across in a believable way without sounding cliche or corny. Please read my NYU one if you can. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / NYU SUPPLEMENT- In n Out, Socratic Seminars, Sewing (badly) [21]

Socratic seminar is a form of discussion that we did in the class. I'm not talking about Socrates. Also, the question asked about my academic interests and how I want to pursue them at NYU (by traveling to learn). In the last one, I'm talking about the sewing book, not the sewing machine. It said I could address a book, so I picked that one. Thanks for your feedback, just thought I would clarify.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / BOOM! A mentos and Diet Coke evolution =) Cornell Essay! [4]

The diet coke and mentos thing is a really good idea, but the execution wasn't very good to be honest. It seemed like you were giving me a chemistry lesson at times; the AO's want to learn about you, not chemical reactions. Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / BU supplement! Roomate essay.. yay! [5]

You should condense the beginning part and make it more descriptive. You have an interesting life story; highlight it! Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'trivial personal matters' - Brown Cubism/new perspective Essay [10]

Don't say the moral standards I hope to live up to; that implies that you're still the same person you were before his death. It's definitely sad yet stern at the same time. Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Music, good movies' - roommate BU supplemental essay [8]

It's kind of all over the place as far as subject goes and there's grammatical issues. The diction comes off as almost immature in a way, maybe it's the short sentences I don't know. Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Essays / Question for UNC essay (word count) [26]

Consider that Harvard has a lot of applicants, so sending them a book is a bad idea. I think a 500 word essay is pushing it in length. Try to be as concise as humanly possible. Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Emory Essay Supplement: Unique & Ride [3]

I think the letter idea is good, but what teenagers consider funny and what AO's consider funny are two different things. I would suggest showing it to people over 30 and seeing what they think. The roller coast one is kind of cliche (but with a prompt like that, it's kind of hard not to be! D:) Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Moving Boxes 18-inch by 24-inch - Common App essay [10]

objects that strike much fear in

as well as of uncertainty and as creatures of habit. We are genetically programmed to resist this object that aids in uprooting us from our comfort zone.

But I am an old hand weird idiom

durable cardboards better word for this

My paperbacks then complement these boxes (all my books can not possibly fit in just one box).doesn't make sense

On the day of the move itself, these brown monsters can be seen everywhere, all taped and with "fragile!" strewn all over them regardless of their contents, especially in arms of strapping strangers in blue overall uniforms that become friends and allies after a full day of exertion caused by moving tens of boxes containing a lifetime of laughter, tears, successes, heartbreaks, memories and stories.WAAAAAAY too long

I do not fear them.

long since learned (after perhaps my third encounter with the moving boxes) that a home is not defined by the four walls, the picket fences, the childish markings on the wall, the familiarity with the creaks of the stairs or the absence of moving boxes , but rather the strength of the occupants of the home andwell as their love and appreciation for each other.

Also, you use boxes a lot (obviously) so try to find different ways to say it or avoid using it at all. You also use the striking/attacking metaphor a lot; cut it back a little. I hope this helped.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Boston University - Supplemental Short Essay - Transfer Student [7]

You come off as narrow minded by saying you want to move to Boston to be surrounded by other Ukrainians, in contrast to diverse cultures. Also, the prompt asks why BU is a good fit, not the city of Boston. Please check out my NYU one. Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Supplement Essay-How I Developed Interest in Cancer [19]

I think your "ah ha" moment is kind of short in comparison to all the detail. I like that you emphasized other people's suffering as your inspiration; you come off as selfless and genuine.

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