Writing Feedback / IELTS: a notable number of children are working in different occasions in today's business life [4]

I do not find such a contrast in these paragraphs, the second paragraph support the paragraph before, so you cannot put 'on the other hand' in the beginning of the second paragraph above, try to find the paragraph connector which support the idea before

Writing Feedback / IELTS In my opinion government help should be given to those who work on art that is less commercial [4]


here, put your opinion and give some relevant sentences to support your opinion, so your opinion could be stronger


you made a small mistake here, even it is small, it could be a big mistake if you do not pay more attention to them

Writing Feedback / Ielts: key factors for being successful. [9]


yea, this is right, the writer can explain the explanation more,,

also, in the third paragraph, you can explain to be more specific details, or give some relevant examples which is easier to understand by the readers

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Just like different types of foods, different measures are required to improve public health [5]


here, it is better if you explain more about obesity, the effects from obesity for human life, so not only mention the factor that causes obesity but also the impacts of it

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Arts are crucial to government to gain successful incomes by some events [3]

how many 'government' that you already used here? try to use another word such as administration, or they or them which are related to the word 'government'

overall, you have written an interesting essay :)

Writing Feedback / Theme : about alternative medicine treatment and dangerous risk from it [9]


Stroke or blind people, for example, they will choose going to the doctor for getting some operations or other alternatives such as physiotherapy, chemotherapy or acupuncture

try to make or write interesting sentences which can attract people's attention

Writing Feedback / The best gift for a child? Books help to learn more skills such as pronouncing and reading [3]


There are various great gifts that we can give to the children. It seems to me that the best one is a book.


First, children can learn more from their book . Second, they will have more enjoyable time . Also, they can participate this gift with their friends.


this sentence is incomplete,
to begin with, they will learn more from the given book.

try to pay more attention to your grammar, you can learn deeper how to write complete sentence

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Happiness is one of the most vital factors for a worth-living life [4]


maybe, you can give such a suggestion to the readers, how to get happiness. what should they do, what are some treatment that they can do, and don't mention another topic such as satisfaction

Writing Feedback / John Wayne once said: "Tomorrow is the most important thing in life" - IELTS task [5]


to solve it, try to use synonym of these words or phrase, try to paraphrase, make another sentence which deliver the same point, it will be more interesting to read

Writing Feedback / John Wayne once said: "Tomorrow is the most important thing in life" - IELTS task [5]


you didn't use sentence connector to connect these sentences,
While some people believe that thinking about the future is more important than focusing on the present, I agree entirely with the word that tomorrow is the most important thing in life.


this is your introduction,


in the conclusion, you repeat a phrase which is same as the phrase that you already used in introduction, try to paraphrase or you will lose some points because of using the same phrase twice.

Writing Feedback / IELTS practice - Families are a group of people bonded by blood relations [5]


At present days, everyone is busy to maintain better life which needs money and most of the family members spend their valuable time at office or workplace to make more money


overall, you presented your points well, but it seems that you use the common vocabularies in most parts of your essay, so try to use less common vocabulary. it may increase your score

Writing Feedback / The main reason worldwide for agricultural land becoming less productive is over-grazing; IELTS [2]


The pie chart reports main causes of worldwide agricultural land degradation and while the table shows main reasons by regions in 1990s.

also, you need a conclusion which shows the correlation between the first and the second picture

Writing Feedback / Drugs, alcohol and messy sex lives - Celebrities news has negative impacts on children; [IELTS] [7]

maybe that's not in an ielts essay, in ielts essay, you cannot put an abbreviation in your essay. this is that my IELTS Trainer said from the first time I met him until now we are being partner in teaching IELTS

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - IELTS Academic - Post-school qualification in Australia according to gender 1999 [3]


I found this in the first paragraph,


but, I found the same phrase in the last paragraph as well,
in IELTS, don't use the same phrase more than once because it may decline your score

Writing Feedback / Living in country or city? Answer depends on the ages, hobbies and gender of each person. [3]

I think the answer for this question depends on the ages , hobbies , and gender of each person. In my opinion, I prefer city for different reasons. In the city, there are many schools and the students will have better education. In addition, people will have more job opportunities. Moreover, the city has more recreation facilities that people can visit and have fun time such as shopping centers, clubs, movie theaters, parks, restaurants, and markets. Furthermore, the city has lots of transportation that people can use like cars, buses, airplanes, and trains. Also, city has different services that helps people includes hospital and library. If you look for any kind of foods, drugs you can buy it from there. On the other hand, of course country has an advantage than city. For example, the air in the country is cleaner than the city. In addition of having a more natural place that people can visit and have a more enjoyable time, citizens in the country have an opportunity of having an organic food because they can plant any kind of foods they want such as seeds, nuts, fruit, and vegetables. In short, I think the city is the best for me.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writting task 1: UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. [7]


in IELTS task I, you must write at least 150 words whether the question contains 1 or two graphs. also, you should spend 20 minutes to deal with the task 1

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writting task 1: UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. [7]

hello, welcome in Essayforum, here to write an IELTS Task I, you must must write at least 150 words which is separated into introduction-body-paragraph
that's we call an essay, so if you just write in a paragraph that's just a paragraph, not an essay,

Writing Feedback / A letter to a pen friend whom you plan to visit (my IELTS score?) [5]


when you write the name of event, you must write it by using capital letter, World Cup


this sentence is incomplete, you need a subject between 'also' and 'suggest', if you do not give a subject, it may be an instruction

Undergraduate / not many opportunities for women to get education - college essay [4]


However, In 2000 I did not know English and Economics. Now I can speak English fluently and four other languages

Undergraduate / What do you plan to study at X University? What career are you pursing at this point and why? [2]


don't use 'and' to begin a sentence, it is preferable to use 'also' which is followed by a comma rather than using 'and'

Writing Feedback / IELTS: "Countryside resort"; Where would you like to spend you unforgettable holidays next summer? [5]


By way of personal explanation,summer holiday is one of the best possible ways to get away from the hustle and bustle of our daily banal lives

put an adjective before the noun,


cannot is always written as one word,

pay more attention to some small details

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'appropriate infrastructure to spur growth and prevent the damage caused to environment' [4]


it will seem more interesting if you separate it into two sentences, this is too long for only one sentence

Writing Feedback / IELTS : 'We should have choice to play' - dangerous sports should be banned? I disagree. [6]


these words such as however and firstly should be foolowed by a comma to show that they are sentence connectors


these red words may be changed to be better phrase, if you use them it is called 'repetition'
so,,don't use the same phrase in an essay

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Education should be considered as the most important factor in a country's success [10]

your intro is written well, but I found a small mistake that most ielts takers give less attention,,after the word such as : however, therefore, etc,,you should put a comma


this one,,it will be better if you explain more about some points above,,


to make it clear,,you can add some relevant examples from what is happening now in this planet

Writing Feedback / Ielts: it is necessary that parents should be obliged to protect their offspring by vaccination [6]

Scientists claim that children under ten years ago
is it right? or do you mean 'ten years old'?

also, your introduction seems too long, in the introduction paragraph, you just need to give three or four sentences, don't give details information

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Athletes are very magnificent and important role models for people in their young ages. [4]


here, you need one more sentence,

while + sentence + sentence, without sentence connector between these sentences

Writing Feedback / IELTS :Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people [5]

this sentence is too long, it will seem better if you make it as two sentences,

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The earlier ages for learning the second language the better [5]


modal should be followed by infinitive

to make it more readable, give space between paragraph, it will make the readers easier to catch your points

Writing Feedback / IELTS: World Wide Web has been very beneficial invention for humanity [3]


here,you state your position, but to make it more valuable you may give warning or suggestion to the positive side

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Music has come to human kind as a valuable gift that is necessary for a better life [3]


you put this as a specific example in the first body, but I cannot find specif examples in the second body,,try to make it balance by putting the same thing in the second one

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'opportunity to be healthier physically and mentally' - Children are given too much free time [4]

I suggest to you to give suggestion in the end of your conclusion, it seems better

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Gentle manners vs Material possessions. [7]

you can explain this paragraph to be more specific,
as a result, we are as readers will be easier to catch your points that you want to deliver

Writing Feedback / IELTS: higher education or workplace? Professional knowledge is the most decisive factor. [6]

in your body paragraph, you may give some specific examples, it will make the readers easier to understand and catch your points,,also, it may increase your score,,

you may take from your knowledge or your own experiences

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: CONSIDERING DISADVANTAGES OF TOURISM [6]


it seems an introduction, not a conclusion

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - Appropriate age of adulthood [3]

you wrote some relevant examples which have connection to your society, keep it

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Is it necessary to teach children handwriting? [3]

here is my example,,
Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

we needed a 'strong opinion' answer to the question above. Here's my suggested outline for a 4-paragraph essay:

Introduction: make your opinion clear (e.g. I completely disagree)
First reason why you disagree
Second reason why you disagree
Conclusion: repeat / summarise your opinion
Note: It is possible to mention the opposite view in one of the main paragraphs, but you should make it very clear that you disagree with it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Compulsory voluntary work is a contradiction, and not only in a literal way [5]


this intro is too short,,

If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: the importance of history - removing this course from school curriculum is unwise [4]


there are some concluding words :

in conclusion
to conclude
to sum up
in summary

Writing Feedback / I believe that society has been helped by the invention of the Internet [6]

is it ielts essay?

please include the type of essay beside the topic that you have written above.

Writing Feedback / Should people be allowed to have cosmetic surgery before the age of 18? [5]

what type of your essay? is it ielts, toefl, or another else?

please give the type of essay, so the readers here will be easier to review your essay