Posts by SHanafi

SHanafi

Mar 10, 2015

Writing Feedback / Firstly, when the rain falls, the dam is full for a period of time. How the rainwater is reused. [5]

The picture illustrates the use of rainwater for drinking and other domestic purposes. Clearly, it can be seen that the process is divided into three stages. While one stage can be recycled, other two stages is reserved.

Firstly, when the rain falls,the dam is full for a period of time. The water which is collected in the dam then is sent to water treatment plant using a pipe. The water is produced to be drinking water for household consumption.

The second is the household waste-water is used to produce drinking water.The waste-water is sent to the waste-water treatment plant. When the waste-water is purified, the excess treated water is sent to the river.The purified water is collected in the tank. Then, recycled water is sent back to the houses.

Finally, when the rain falls into the roof and water tank, the water is stored in the tank. The water which is collected in the tank then is sent to the garden.The storm-water is sent to the river via drain.

I note that the using of "water" is sometimes abundance. Probably you can alter it with liquid or rainfall is similar with downpour. Beginning of sentence is not always started by "the" ten try to use connector as effort to flow your sentence smoothly. In addition, using compound, complex, compound-complex sentence would increase your score.

SHanafi

Mar 9, 2015

Graduate / Professional opportunity, professional goal(s) and how it envisioned - SOP for submitting MAIDP [2]

Tell us what led you to be interested in the field of International Disaster Psychology and discuss your understanding of the professional opportunities that would be available to a psychologist trained in this area. Be sure to indicate your ultimate professional goal(s) and how you envision your path to accomplish that/those goal(s).

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Become a disaster psychology professionals, my dreams would more convince recently since some emergency voluntaries I did. While I envisioned a future of educational excellence, and I plan pursue an MA in international disaster psychology.

The area of disaster psychology has begun to develop since 1990s whereas, throughout the globe, the need of disaster mental health workforce is increasing. Unfortunately, the professionals' availability are insufficient. Australian institute of health and welfare, in 2012, showed number of full-time-equivalent-psychologist (FTE) working at the mental health service was 84.6 FTE psychologist per 100,000 population. In America, the area mental health workforce has strikingly raised. In recent decades, American Psychological Association (APA) through Disaster Response Network (DRN) together with American Red Cross (ARC) had begun adequate disaster mental health assistance in size and effectively trained and supported.

However, In Indonesia the stipulating area in disaster has started since the large scale of Earthquake and Tsunami hitting Nangroe Aceh Darussalam (NAD) and North Sumatera 2004, claiming the lives of 165,708 people and inflicting property loses of 4.45 IDR trillion. Since the notorious effects of its hazard, in 2008, National Disaster Management Coordinating Agency or Badan Nasonal Penganggulangan Bencana (BNPB) in Bahasa, is formed by the Indonesian government. Meanwhile six universities also raise its awareness in providing disaster master grade programs, but unless master applied of disaster psychology in University of Indonesia no program as yet concentrated in the area of disaster psychology. Those aforementioned evidences can be proved that the development areas of disaster psychology are raising steadily, and need for the licensed and experienced professionals would increase too.

Looking through the immediate demand of professional of disaster psychological professionals, I would fortunate for looking through this area as my career pathway. Holding master degree this would open my opportunity to share my knowledge and experience as a lecture in the area of disaster psychology. Indonesia as another country has abundance professional workforce holding master degree however for those who gain international licensed and experienced are still limited. Moreover, experiencing study in United States enable me for gaining appropriate certification that I can use to join some voluntaries beneath Disaster Mental Health Team (DMHT), ARC.

While I ponder to envision my career goals within MA International Disaster Psychology (MAIDP), University of Denver, I would well-trained to be disaster mental health professionals as in fact, APA Board of Educational Affairs (BEA) already bestowed MAIDP program of its prize. Education is the effective way for me to overcome the hazardous effect of disaster. The paradigm of relieving, reducing and recovering the survivors' mental health state is changing to the educating people for mitigating the upcoming disaster, and this is what I am going to do further.

SHanafi

Mar 6, 2015

Writing Feedback / In general, Social Sciences, Arts leads highly of the main fields of study than the other subjects. [4]

Please, correct my writing IELTS Task 1 Practice

Before correcting, I would like to welcome you in this forum then some of these should be highly pondered further.
1. I suggest you to write in appropriate form. Commonly in Task 1 there are intro, overview and bodies.

These contrast markedly

However Veterinary,Agriculture is the lowest

How can I see those point ?

Another side of levelable Australian's degree addressed

You cannot use past form as the reported years are not clearly written.

Clearly result of two pie charts of the seven main fields of study social Sciences

Check your subject verb agreement.

2. Remember to attach your reference picture,diagram or graph so we can examine whether or not your work is quite in line with the task.Even though grammar accuracy, lexical resource, coherence-and-cohesion are important, task responses is a must.

SHanafi

Mar 5, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer [4]

Dear Anfalia

may I ask you how to differ "to be+able+to+verb" and "enable"?

It is not about making differences, it is about conciseness.

Let's share
A part of writing material I found on internet that may guide you.
It is always better you say whatever you want to say without using any more words that necessary. Reader would begin to skim rather than peruse, confident that he could skip clauses or even whole sentences without missing anything important. In short, wordiness trains the reader to disengage with the material he is reading. This called conciseness. Conciseness also dictates that certain wordy phrases always be avoided.

Some examples:
I was stunned by the fact that the politician would lie so brazenly
I was stunned by the politician brazen lies

The reason why people go to Jakarta is because it is to find better life.
Better life affects a substantial migration to Jakarta.

Could you see the differences?
Needless to say, I suggested you change "are still able" to "enable" in practising conciseness.

Actually I've rewritten this essay, and for the first I said about the improvement of medical care that caused longer life expectancy, but it was off topic because the task asked about "development"? so i restate about the development of this trend which people have more life expectancy. Can you give me suggestion of this?

If I am in line, the prompt says that the one of the consequences of improved medical care increase people live expectancy or they may live longer. Why I say that probably you are little bit out of topic is because there is no explanation about the medical care improvement. If I were you, in purpose to break the prompt down, I would compare the medical care in the past and it's to date development that might bring the advantages of increasing people's life expectancy. Perhaps you can say, in the era that baby incubator is have not invented yet there are different numbers of baby death toll compared to nowadays, or the invention of HIV vaccine temporary could delay the gradual decrease of antibody system of people who infected HIV.

Hopefully this helps :D

SHanafi

Mar 5, 2015

Graduate / SOP for MAIDP Interest and expectation of working under disaster condition. [3]

One of unique aspects of the Graduate School of Professional Psychology (GSPP) MA International Disaster Psychology (MAIDP) program is the opportunity for students to travel, work and live internationally while completing their field experiences students live and work in uncomfortable and unfamiliar culture conditions. Describe your interest and expectations about working under these conditions and the strength and weakness you would bring to the experience.

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Urip iku urup, an indigenous Javanese maxim means life is enlightening, is having deep meaning to me. While you help others, you will get broad mindedness and God will going to help you back in unexpected occasion. In accordance to the maxim's spirit, I believe the way of share and give means the barter system of accepting more pleased. I am always exhilarating when I have an opportunity to help people who are living in vulnerability.

I am always exhilarating when I have an opportunity to help people who are living in vulnerability. Even you just putting your hand around someone's arm or listening about what they need, it seems like you want to say, don't panic, you're not alone because I'm here to help you. If you can see the victim succeed reducing their panic, breathing normally and giving you sincere smiles, it is such rewarding and humbling experience that I would like to do as my obsession to become professional humanitarian worker. One of the blissful occasion I did is when I held hands of children in 2010 Merapi's eruption. At the time I do voluntary work in refugee camp in Keji village, Muntilan district, Yogyakarta particularly in the area of children trauma healing, the children's smiling would always bear in my mind as the adorable moment.

Living at the situation of Merapi eruption covering with full of eruptions' ash, limited access of water and food, no electricity and the uncertain nature condition realizes me that I love to aid people in emergency. These situations obviously are not as comfortable as your leisure spending in Conrad resort Bali, but it will all be paid off with a sincere smile of those who succeed you help. The work in disaster can be compelling and rewarding as we stand as helper and also survivor. To deal with unpredictable occasions, disaster aid workers are inextricably intertwined to adjusting skill. I have trained to adjust for living in different places for the last 7 years. This started when I decided to pursue my bachelor degree in Diponegoro University (UNDIP), Semarang, a 1000 km city away from my hometown, Palembang South Sumatra. I have to adjust with certain condition surrounding in my college environment which obviously different, the interaction, vernacular language, daily dietary, were 180 degree different with my prior live. This then has formed me to be more honor with the cultural and individual differences. In 2013 to date, I conduct rural community service program called PSP3 under the compulsory of Indonesian state ministry of youth and sport. In this work area I have to adjust with the situation amongst mothers to empower them in making village trash bank and children that I have to attach in order to raise their motivation to come and study in village library that I formed.

Moreover, doing volunteering in the area of disastrous psychology sometimes is challenging what is more whenever there is a disaster of any magnitude, it offers crucial emotional. In certain culture, however, people are not encourage to express their emotion. Thus, you suppose to pull off the shock and be able to deal with it. In dealing with psychological state, the workers have to aid survivors with wide range of response, sometimes normal response on abnormal situation may exaggerate. In catharsis session of my Merapi's volunteering, for instance, I tended to build rapport among Keji's refugee with simple questions such as: what about the camp condition, is it quite safe for you to sleep? or how about the taste of daily food given? These questions succeed to raise their rapport then they can more open emotionally. "I keep thinking about what's happening up there, with my cows, my property," said one of treated refugee. Furthermore, I have been proved that the most effective weapon to respect them is with sincere smile.

Struggling to speak the language is one of the common problems aid workers experience on international assistance. Based on my recent experience, as the national language, Bahasa Indonesia stands as the lingua franca in all of the Indonesia regions but this is not work as we go to some rural areas. Local inhabitants are comfortably to use their vernacular language. Even though they knew how to speak Bahasa, less of them can appropriately use in face to face communication. They may respond to me appropriately if I use Panjenengan, polite Javenese greeting to say you, rather than Anda, formal Bahasa to say you. Indeed, in certain times, I should learn what they want to say and use some materials close to me to explain what I want to say. I would say that using movement as body language or paper and pencil sometimes are a must.

I am about 22 pounds overweight right now, this may weaken my performance while do rush work in the disaster assistance. But, this is not always proven as my body is strength enough for hiking Bromo 29's peak at 9514 feet high (2900 m) above sea level. Even though some outdoor activities as I was the chief of Psikologi Hijau, a care environmental organization in faculty of psychology UNDIP, are not closely engaged, I still intensively do mild physical exercise to maintain my health. My posture, obviously, cannot prevent my passion to help others.

SHanafi

Mar 4, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer [4]

... estimated to live longer than their ancestors (This is a jumping idea. Please add the information explaining on why you can judge the health condition of people these days is better than their ancestor) .

... ashamed when they are not independent enough and cannot look after themselves.

As a result, people who live longer may always rely on ansome aids from others.

Conversely, it is undeniable that nowadays people aged over 65 are more likely enjoyed a happy ~~old~~ age healthily. As an obvious example, there are many pensions of civil servant ~~are still able~~enable to do their new activities that they could not afford in their workplace such as gardening. This is akind of leisure~~-time~~ activity to refresh their mind from some distress~~ful feeling~~ . Furthermore, the majority of ageing people enjoy their plentiful time for being together with their grandchildren, and it benefits for parents who are busy to work.(Support your prior sentence with the specific scientific fact instead of adding new example)

In conclusion, people can easily to have a longer life expectancy as far as they keep their body fit through the rest of their lives so as to not bother other people when they are getting older. Where possible, as youngsters we should maintain our healthy life in order to prevent being illness.

Looking backward to your prompt. I am afraid that this is little bit out of topic as the improvement of medical care that caused the longer live expectancy does not clearly explained.

SHanafi

Mar 3, 2015

Writing Feedback / Good friends are as valuable as pearls in life; TOEFL essay [5]

Prompt

Do you agree or disagree : "Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people "

Another key point that shows the importance of honesty in a relationship is that it brings in more intimacy among friends.

Strking backward to your prompt.I am afraid that this may not in linearly related. Based on your prompt, you are required to explain do you agree or disagree with the issue attached.

According to recent researches by scientists, honest people are also among the most kind, sympathetic, and even more creative people.

Attaching example by research evidence would beautify your essay but it should be scientific. State the source of research, who do conduct, where it occurs, and what the statistical result says. Without these sort of things, this can categorize as the common sense, the judgement derived without study and unfortunately this will decay your essay.

SHanafi

Mar 2, 2015

Writing Feedback / Sports unite peoples from different corners of the world. IELTS TASK 2. [2]

Sports unite peoples from different corners of the world. From this ~~persona~~ l perspective, it iscan be said that global sport events heighten international tensions. However, ~~this is~~ the convenient way to express patriotism sense intensely also increase s. While both views address merits and demerits, I am personally convinced that sports have ~~always~~ been extremely essential aspect in the world of sports. this part of the world.

~~In current years~~Currently , the vast expansion of international sporting events has eased a typical patriotic, and declined suffers from tension among inhabitants. This owes to rise on the human's spirit. For pragmatic instance, people support their favorite team enthusiastically, even though the team-played is not their own countries (add the specific sport event(s) here such as Olympic games or World Cup.) By doing so, they kill (this verb has negative sense, I suggest to alter) their spare time to follow a real competition in a stadium. In consequence, international sport events (state the specific like World Cup) enable to build powerful spirit and confident up of both sport's players and ~~viewers~~supporter s.

Conversely, these events also damage the global relationship. It is definitely owing to their totally trust to their team to become winner and cannot ~~accept gratefully~~gratefully accept to be a loser. As an obvious fact happened these days, it has been addressed that there are many criminal actions through football supporters in both sides such as football hooligans~~ism or soccer hooliganism~~ which refers to ~~violent and~~ destructive behavior by overzealous supporters of association football clubs. What they do after finishing competition is to attack the rival's supporter criminally. As a result, both teams become immortal enemies.

Taking into account from two different points of view, I strongly argue that sport events are prominent in releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. To begin with, athletes assume that the honor nation is in their hand, so they struggle ~~desperatel~~ y in the competition to be winner. However, supporters' expenditure is to watch their favorite team and acquire creative posters. As a result, both player and supporter would never probably think whether their favorite team would be winner or loser as far they enable to do their best in competition. (this paragraph is difficult for me to understand. What is the correlation between the honour feel of athletes with the supporter expenditure to create poster in order to support your range of agreement. In this occasion agreement about the patriotic realising effect from international sporting event(s).

On the whole, while it is undeniable that global sport events may probably introduce to break the strict relationship among different nations, I totally believe that the considerable benefits of this trend overweigh of drawbacks. Where possible, sport's authorities should set a rigid rule out for supporters and players to play in the smart and safe way to avoid misinterpret.

SHanafi

Feb 12, 2015

Writing Feedback / Male or female are become the peaceful leader (IELTS task 2) [3]

Throughout the history, male leaders often made the society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, it would be more peaceful world. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give an example to support your idea.

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It is often argued that women leadership in society may bring the most peaceable sense. While it is true for some major reasons, I agree that men could be an eligible chief in keeping world peace.

The decrease of international credence is caused by several national conflicts. Libya, Egypt and Syria are the notorious examples as Qhadafi, Asa'ad and Mubarak ways to conduct their country result on many terrible chaos. In this view, it seems to allow women who have leadership quality in endeavour peace to their county. Au San Suu Kyi, a political leader from Myanmar, has proved that woman has peaceful way to lead. Even though she is in powerful opposition in against military government who arrest her in unfair way in that era, she, further, could create stability around Myanmar in collaboration with the junta. Her steps, then, bestowed her as one of the peace Nobel Prize awardee.

However, women could prove illusory as the best leader from womanhood as they way of leading depict violence and hostility. Margaret Thatcher who ordered British Navy to conquer Falkland Island from Argentina is stance stronger as an obvious example. As results of this force, many victims died and the protest from world peace-lover around the world raised. Apart from the execrable example, history told Mahatma Gandhi as one of the inspiration in leading with peace. He leads in complex struggle to show his basic precepts Ahimsa, no violence, and Satyagraha, resistance from foreign helps. Gandhi proves that leading on against not always use weapon and bomb. Together with Suu Kyi, Gandhi success to become Nobel awardee and also become the symbol of peace.

In conclusion, although women might appropriate to become leader owing to their success in shunning violence, based on the historical fact, I believe that men are too capable to become peacekeeping leader.

SHanafi

Feb 9, 2015

Writing Feedback / Elements and proper locations for the installation of wind turbine (IELTS Task 1) [NEW]

The diagram illustrates the construction of a wind turbine which is consist of 4 crucial elements while the second diagram depiction shows the optimum location of wind turbine installation.

It is noticeable that blades are the most important element in catching wind. The blades of turbine rotate when catching wind. Behind the blade, there is sensor which is connected to the ground computer to adjust speed and the direction of wind blowing. Under the sensor installation, generator which would generate electricity power up to 1.5 megawatt is added steadily alongside the steel tower so as to support the top of wind turbine installation.

Fast forward to the second diagram, wind turbine would be generate optimum electricity power when it is constructed on the hill's peak. For the moderate demand, in shore coastal wind turbine installation can be stance stronger as second consideration. However, for the domestic need, domestic turbine can be build adjoining house to harness the output of 100 kilowatt electricity power.

SHanafi

Feb 9, 2015

Writing Feedback / What cause of people life longer ? is that positive of negative development? (IELTS Task 2) [3]

People nowadays live longer than they used to what caused this situation ? Is it negative or positive development?

Life expectancy has climbed throughout the world. Some people think that it brings benefit for the nation while some others deem on its drawback. I believe that the issue of living longer is caused by technological improvement and the discovery of some vaccines.

Living longer can be caused of the alteration manual work to the automatic machine. It can be seen in a factory that the work for physical manual job goes automatic. Workers who help in such technology have sufficient time to rest then possibly far for injuries and accident such as back pain, spine harm or another accident which potentially occurs when they face the heavy machine. As a result, workers physically have stable condition and can be predicted for the range of longer life. Moreover, the discovery of vaccines take part in cause of living longer. Striking backward in the era when the certain vaccine is undiscovered, there are numbers of effected elderly died in folio disease or the case endemic case of Smallpox outbreak in Somalia in the year 1977. In that era, the spread of such virus has contributed in the degradation of life expectancy. On the other field, the invention of HPV, human papiloma virus, vaccine also protects our female from the infection of cervical cancer.

However, life expectancy inextricably intertwined with the growth of global population. When the number of citizen increase, it would be lead to the social problems. Imagine that in Japan, for example, as the country's life expectancy growth positively, the government should provide the retirement home also sophisticated health service for adults which may consume large national budget. Apart from its drawback, a nation senior experts such as professors and writers are in abundance. It is such tangible benefit that they can contribute to the national development as their sophisticated experiences would be the best advice in evaluated some crucial issues.

In conclusion, technological and vaccine discoveries would be take a huge part of the cause of longer life around the globe. While the elderly people need special attention to care in, I believe that when the adult is care with the proper ways they can be one of the prominent aspect in the national development.

SHanafi

Feb 8, 2015

Writing Feedback / Tax is aiding to creep the authority revenue by directly or indirectly way from public. [8]

My apologize Rajinder with my mistake which may lead you confuse.

Education worth is the responsibility of all elements. Not only government that has provided a large number of taxes for defraying educational system from tax payer but also the parents itself as their children is getting the direct educational benefit. Some people believe that families in schooling on private school may not espouse state school through tax paying while others deem private school's parents should wisely ~~educational systems requires should wisely in~~ support~~ing~~ state school ~~too~~through tax paying . Personally, I agree with the latter.

SHanafi

Feb 8, 2015

Writing Feedback / A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. IELTS [5]

Dear, Anfalia. You have wide range of advance vocabularies. You know, I spend much of my time to open up my dictionaries to understand what the point that you want to deliver. As a reader, I feel that the discussion in some places kept going round in circles. However, let me work with your idea through my intention to make your clarity.

I suggest to simplify your idea, just go straight to the point. Overall this is a good written with good structure. I wait for your feedback as my suggestions are whether or not in line in what purely you want to say.

SHanafi

Feb 8, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Task 1- The Share of International Student in Canada [4]

Always remember to include the picture of the graph, in order to help find the relevant data.

Aligned what eddies suggest in your further post.

~~This~~ The bar chart shows the figure ~~for share~~ of global students among various universities in some provinces inaround Canada recorded in 2001 and 2006, and it is measured in percentage. Overall, all provinces witnessed a significant increase in the number of international university graduates (This is not fair while Alberta shows a decrease) , while New Brunswick experienced the highest percentage of that in each year.

Overall, the percentage of international graduates among universities all around Canada was higher considerably in 2006. Whereas, Alberta outperformed the 7 remaining provinces in 2001.

According to the data, there were three provinces which had more than 5% international university graduates in 2001; New Brunswick (7%), Nova Scotia (6.5%) and Quebec (6%). Those percentage then increase to above 8% in 2006, at slightly over 8% in Quebec, 11% in Nova Scofia, and the highest percentage of 13% was New Brunswick.

As per the bar chart, New Brunswick broke a record as a province in Canada with the highest overseas graduate student with nearly 7-to-13 percent in 2001 and 2006. It followed by Nova Scotia and Quebec as the second and the third highest of the overall province. By comparison with Ontario being accounted 6 % officially allowed international student graduated, the trend of British Columbia nearly doubled in number of graduate in 2006.

Other four provinces which initially had just under 5% of international university students(this is not clear what provinces that you want to mention?, please re-write it) , experienced the fairly similar increase, up to 7% in 2006. Surprisingly, in the same year, British Columbia reached the percentage of over 11%. It overtook Nova Scotia's figure (10.5%) which had almost twofold portion of international graduates more than British Columbia's in 2001.

The number of international graduate students in Manitoba as well as Newfoundland-an-Labrador showed a similarity. Capturing 4 % graduation in 2001, both figures showed an increase at 7% over the following 5 years. While the overseas graduate student accounted nearly 6% in 2001, Alberta province was made up smallest proportion at 4% in 2006, a solely decreased trend.

SHanafi

Feb 7, 2015

Writing Feedback / Tax is aiding to creep the authority revenue by directly or indirectly way from public. [8]

Tax is aiding to creep the authority revenue by directly or indirectly way from public. Tax is collected by various mode such as- by Tool tax, Educational tax and so on. It is belief that guardian (use parents instead as the prompt is not mentioned official care giver of orphans) should not be need to disburse education tax, who send their children in private school.

Please compare to my answer. I would be happy if my example is quite help you

Education worth is the responsibility of all elements. Not only government that has provided a large number of taxes for defraying educational system from tax payer but also the parents itself as their children is getting the direct educational benefit. Some people believe that families in schooling on private school may not espouse state school through tax paying while others deem private school's parents should wisely educational systems requires should wisely in supporting state school too. Personally, I agree with the latter.

I accede to ~~this~~the interpretation that parents with private school children should not be pay tax~~, who send their children in private school~~ because they already sacrifice by spending huge amount in school. (stop here)~~as a fees for their children's education.~~ For instance, in Canada, the private school or university want a big chunk of money from ~~guardian~~parents~~who want higher education for their children~~ so I notion that they should not do more sacrifice by pay education tax.

SHanafi

Feb 7, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - A Wind Turbine for Harnessing Renewable Energy [8]

Halo, Kawan :D wishing this helps :D

The tower can be placed on the hill, and in this case the tower can be installed under the sea. (Increase your clarity. As a reader, I imagine a turbine is fully under water) However, wind turbine tends to be lower and less (overuse, choose one as this sense similar) wind strengths only 100 kilowatts, so lands cape (space) is not spoilled (misspelling) . Alternatively, the tower can be placed on the hill where the wind are (space) maximum strength and more electricity can be generated. In general, while the wind turbine appears to be a simple way of harnessing renewable energy, its instalation (misspelling) may cause a number problems related to its location.

As per the second diagram, the turbine can be placed in particular places in purpose to catch the wind. The optimum location is the peak of a hill where the wind blows of its optimum speed while constructing wind turbine in inshore coastal area would be second consideration. However, domestic turbine can be harnessed to generate 100 kilowatt electric power, and it would be sufficient for domestic electricity consumption based on alternative energy source.

SHanafi

Feb 7, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: An international language is the language of problem solving. [3]

Tia, this is an impresive writing depicting a strong discussion between the benefits and drawbacks learning foreign language in primary or secondary school. However, a slight mistake you have made which is add the comparison with informal school appearing in your intro. I suggest to be carefull as it might harm your overall essay to be out of topic.

SHanafi

Feb 1, 2015

Writing Feedback / Learning a new language at any age is an anormously rewarding experience in many ways [4]

Helloo, Faisal. This is good written essay. To me, you do careful and do attend about your grammar and your content. However, I saw a slight mistaken in your thesis statement in the intro. Thesis statement should be debatable, by doing so, please add contra view besides "some people say that students must study other languages in primary school".

Straight forward to your bodies, you attempt to depict your view in a good manner. A little suggestion, just straight to the point. Write your main idea then support. For example in your 1st body, start your opinion about benefit of studying foreign language with "children understand intituively that languages is something to explore" then support with relevant example(s).Related to this, an example from York University can be mergered in a body.

In conclusion, your agreement position seems quite weak. While you make some recommendations, also state your postion in which "to what extend do you agree or disagree that all children should study foreign language".

I wish these quite help ^.^

SHanafi

Jan 30, 2015

Writing Feedback / Foreign Language Foster Student's Abilities [3]

Mahanani, I don't see the apparent of full prompt task. In other words please add the question. It becomes important for us, as reviewer, to check whether your answer in line with the task responses or not.

Overall, you do a good job while you attempt to add some factual data. Probably, it is because we come from some country so become easy for me to understand what you want to mention. But, unfortunately, your writing seems not natural for authentic English. Do not worry about this problem, I am also still fight in this circumstance. Just do perfect practice to gain a fluent English. Some more additions, I think you should learn about transition devices, this can make our writing flow smoothly and for the idea in every bodies, I suggest you to make a main idea in the bodies then supports it.

Hopefully it helps ^.^

SHanafi

Jan 30, 2015

Writing Feedback / Internet, automobiles, aeronautical and medical advancements - 21st Century Scientific Changes [7]

Hello, Sam

In conclusion part you are not allowed to add new idea. Just state the main point in every paragraph and make solution/recommendation.

However, iI do feel my essay sounded repetitive with telling the main points again in such a short essay

It doesn't matter while you repeat or summarise the main point of your body paragraph in conclusion because we have to do so. As the dictionary says,conclusion means something you decide after considering all the information you have. For the meaning, we can analyse that it just assemble and make a general point of all we state before. By doing so, adding a new idea is forbidden.

Many suggestions also provide on on-line learning. Here I wanna share one from Simon IELTS website, Simon also writes to repeat and summarise when we are constructing a conclusion in IELTS. see

ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2013/10/ielts-writing-task-2-introduction-and-conclusion.html
However, in this occasion I just try to share a bit, for further understanding I suggest you to read from another source. Please correct me if I'm wrong. :)

SHanafi

Jan 29, 2015

Writing Feedback / Essay writing; Parents should send children to school or not to be good members of society . [5]

Can we state a lie survey in order to support our idea by saying number and percentage ?
"In 2003, US recorded that about 7,7 million American children is taught practically about fair competition through school's sport team"

Hy Pedram, I did not do lie about the data. I do not know even attaching a link is permitted in this forum, but I synthesize the data based on Hilary Levey Friedman's article titled "When Did Competitive Sports Take Over American Childhood ?", in regard if you want to read :D. Actually, I am not in line in writing tricky data though I recommend to write the factual data indeed.

I didn't get your means about " main recommendation of the issue

Well, let me try to explain more
The topic says about school or parents is the best place for upbringing children to good society member. In your conclusion, I think, It is good for you to give recommendation which one is the best place in teaching how to be good member of society.

I would be most grateful if you would write conclusion for this topic too.

This is just an example for you to compare, do not too straight with my style. Every person has different way to write an essay. If you want to do more compare, please kindly read another essays from another writers too.

nice to share with you :)

SHanafi

Jan 24, 2015

Writing Feedback / Internet, automobiles, aeronautical and medical advancements - 21st Century Scientific Changes [7]

Wowww, honestly I like the way you answer the prompt. Straight to the point and very concise.

This essay shall discuss some key pointers on the next set of scientific inventions for 21st century and the benefits society can reap from them .

I suggest this part should be altered though this is very common in IELTS. I am afraid this can be point as the memorizing affecting penalized. As the prompt wants to know which you agree or not with the issue. Simply wrote :

I believe that... or
I optimize that scientist could bring positive effect whether they research can be the answer for overcoming the current medical problems and alternative sources of energy.

In summary, I believe scientific advancements have made the world a smaller space. Though there is an undercurrent of tension because of terrorism, we are still living in one of the peaceful times. These scientific advancements will ensure that new frontiers are opened, new job opportunities are created and the world continue to become a peaceful world with optimism around all of us.

In conclusion part you are not allowed to add new idea. Just state the main point in every paragraph and make solution/recommendation.

Hopefully it helps :D

SHanafi

Jan 23, 2015

Writing Feedback / Essay writing; Parents should send children to school or not to be good members of society . [5]

Hi, Pedram. Welcome to Essay Forum and pleasure to share with you.

Let me do some suggestions.
Back to the prompt

Others however believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Beside it requires you to discuss the views, it wants you to give your opinion. Then it is important to add your opinion in your intro.

a possible intro
Upbringing children is main duty of parents. Obviously, parents should do the proper way in order to educate their children to become a good member of society. However, another view says that the process to form good society member is well establish through the school's environment. In my opinion, both of views can be appropriate for certain reasons.

The group which claim that we should send our children to school to socialize cite their own reasons for convince others.

There are many ways to break down the prompt into body paragraph. However, due to I like this way, I do suggest you to add a main idea then support it. To me, this answered body needs to be strengthen. As reader, I caught that you want to tell that in school children can build their interpersonal aspect in school. This then, is the good way to become a good member of society. This can be your main idea then the next work is to support it.

InOn the other hand some believe that parents have efficient effect on upbringing of children to be good member of society. In their opinion, due to the deep relationship between ...

In such paragraph you have to make contra explanation in which why the best way to train a good member of society is through home environment instead of depicting the parents view of upbringing children.

A tip in constructing conclusion
The thesis statement and the main points of each paragraph should be stated. Also, you are to add the main recommendation of the issue.

Hopefully this helps you

SHanafi

Jan 17, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS : children consciousness about caring people; course about voluntary social service in school [2]

Some basics
1. Your writing's layout, put a space between your paragraphs.
2. Write the complete prompt including the issue and the task.

Nowadays, school's curriculum improve getting better(1) every years. Undoubtfully(2), there has a school which add course about community service based on voluntary like charity, developing community or teaching sport. Some people argue that high school should arrange a lesson about society service but the others clash about that statement because the children have to study about courses which useful for getting a job in their future. From all of those statements, I tend to agree that the school should add a lesson about unpaid community service because it is good for children to build their awarness(3) in their society and make them become humble person.

A possible intro to compare
Live learning lesson comes to school's curriculum. Obviously, this opinion leads some proponents to promote working in community service as mandatory lesson in high schools while the opponent claims that, through learning process, high school students should focus in their main courses. I agree that experience in community service working may take some benefits for the children's live learning.

First foremost, teaching children for caring their society is not simple as a turn hand. There has many of effort to build their awarness. One of effort that adult(5) can do is execute a programme in high school about voluntary for community service as a compulsory part. The activity will make children open their mind about many of people do not have good access to improve their live and enhance their softskill(4) in organize an activity. For instance, Charity for victims of disaster. The students have to manage the activity which can donate money or stuffs without unpaid. As a result, the student will learn sharing what they get to the others who need their help and learn to develop their society to be good environment.

Go straight to the main idea then putting some supporting details with relevant example(s). I assume, your idea covering in the green alignment

Community service working provides the opportunity students to learn practically on how individual action can affect public's well- being. Community services such as working in wildlife conservation, teaching sport or collecting social charity for cancer survivors have taken into large range of benefit for the students itself in practicing their theories into practices and also it proves to the improvement of society well-being. While these real world experiences can deeply internalize, it can be the reflection for student before facing the applied work further. This is one of the reason why some educational jurisdictions in Washington states requires the mandatory of 200 hours of working in society services for their students to get certificate.

On the other hand, several people (6) disagree with community service lesson because they thought (7) this lesson is not important for children's future. Some parents thought their children have to study about mathematics, physics, economics which more beneficial to get job. Frankly, that lesson is prime but not improve the social skill of their children which need in their adult life in future. For example, the students expert in economics and get a great position in company but for their social life, they do not have experience to care each other. Thus, they will be arrogant for their social community.

However, another view states that student should be tough particularly about technical lessons, such as math, science or literature in lieu of spare their outclass time to do job. As effect of working in community service, time allocation for study will reduce dramatically and leads to the downturn of student's performance in school. Palo Alto high school in California is one of the school which do not require community service for graduation. Though such work is not compulsory on its curriculum, if the students do social working, the oldest school on its region will reward them for their hard work.

1. Signal of redundancy
2. Probably you mean undoubtedtly
3 and 4. Miss spelling
5. Adult is too general, perhaps you can alter with educational jurisdiction or government
6. People is a plural noun so using several making your sentence show the overusing.
7. I suggest to use simple present as to increase your consistency.

I think eddies already gives you a precise suggestion to construct conclusion. Hopefully it helps :D

SHanafi

Jan 2, 2015

Writing Feedback / Questions 1-6 - openings and finales only [3]

group study

study group

Nowadays, study in team becomes a trend because it is a sort of method that provides a different learning style compared to conventional one(this is lack of clarity) . While the cons of the issue are existent around community, I strongly believe that there also some pros come along with this case(you need a verb) .

io n its process

but this is now a serious problem due to the number of criminals is rapidly growing in society even punishment is exist for the evil doers.

three verbs need two conjunctions.

It is true that majority of adult ~~people~~ spend nearly all of their time infor working due to pursuing an happiness,as the basic need of ~~human~~well- being. While it seems that there are some aspects which influence the job satisfaction ~~itself~~ , a gap between workers' expectation in experiencing happiness and what it seems to be a reality is still exist.

According to some findings, foreign language should be learnt by the young learners inearlier age rather than in high school(this sounds vague) . I, too, strongly believe that this trend give a positive development instead of the drawback ~~to this case~~ .

In conclusion, although there are some demerits that should be concerned carefully, the benefits of this(where this refers to?) trend are more considerable. Thus, the children should learn foreign language in the earlier age because it is easy to acquire languages in that stage.

With the advanced of aviation, it is easier today to travel around the world. People, however, claim that the advantages of air travel these days is only for the people who have a good financial(financial is an adjective which is need a noun to form noun clause) . Therefore, I strongly argue that there have been possible answers for the following issue.

Nowadays, some people believe that parents ~~hold~~play an important role in guiding their children to be useful-beings in society. On other hand, others' point of view indicates that the schools, (omit the comma) is the one whom takes the responsibility (what kind of responsibility, you need to clarify this) . It seems to me that the children growth should be watched by parental care, while I too believe controlling the students' behavior involved the whole member of school community.

SHanafi

Dec 18, 2014

Writing Feedback / 'Overall, there are two type of cocoa after pressed.' - IELTS Writing Task 1 : Chocolate Bar [7]

The figures reveals the process of how a chocolate bar is produced and the price of a chocolate bar which is allocated into five different sectors. Overall, there are two types of cocoa after pressed. They are cocoa butter ( It should be a punctuation ) used to make chocolate bar and cocoa powder sold to food industry. Moreover, most of the chocolate bar price is allocated to supermarket, ~~and~~ ingredients and overheads.

Separate your intro and overview
some issues : plural singular, punctuation and subject-verb agreement.
This is a "petite" mistake. They means plural, but you just explain about cocoa butter.

The first step to make a chocolate bar is to grind the cocoa beans in order to produce cocoa liquor and residuals.

The process starts when the cocoa beans grind to produce it's liquor and residuals.

The first step to make a chocolate bar is to grind the cocoa beans in order to produce cocoa liquor and residuals. The residuals is wasted but the cocoa liquor is used to make chocolate bars and then is pressed to get cocoa butter and cocoa powder. The cocoa powder is purchased by food industry while the cocoa butter is mixed with some cocoa liquor and sugar as well as other ingredients in industrial chocolate. Finally, the mixed materials yield chocolate bar.

Use strong verbs instead

SHanafi

Dec 18, 2014

Writing Feedback / Number of people has increased since 1800 and will increase continuously and then will decrease [5]

The line chart reveals data about the growth of people figures in the world from 1800 to ~~present and its prediction nine decades later~~2100 .

Overall, the quantity 1 of people has increased since 1800 and will increase continuously and then will decrease 2 . However, developing regions will dominate whole global population,

1. Quantity is not appropriate to alter people, use "number" instead.
2. You make a circumstance. If you could re-write
a possible suggestion.
Overall, the proportion of the world population growth is expected to drop dramatically to 6000 millions after a short peak at 8000 millions in 2040.

The number of world population stood at 1,000 million and had increased steadily until 1950. After that, the global population has risen significantly until now and is going to peak at about 8,000 million in 2040. On the contrary, 2040 to 2100 will witness a dramatic decrease to around 6,000 million.

As per the line chart, there was the lowest rate of population by 1000 millions of people. This trend experienced a gradual increase then threefold in 2000. After a short peak period in 2040, the figures will be undergone a slight decrease in the end of statistic.

In regards to the second graph, one may see that the population of the developing areas will suffer an increase of approximately 2,000 million people from around 2,000 million in 2015 to 4,000 million in 2040. In contrast, the developed ~~areas's~~ population will remain constant ~~with~~at about 1,500 million people through the whole period.

I am afraid suffer is not a suitable vocabulary in this occasion

A closer look at the bar chart predicts the population in developed regions will remain stable over 25 years. Standing in contrast, the prediction of population growth in developing regions will climbed gradually. Appearing by more than 2000 millions of people in 2015, the figures predict more doubled to reach the top notch by 4000 millions of people in 2040.

SHanafi

Dec 18, 2014

Writing Feedback / Children can lead a better life if they gain the ability of both competition and cooperation [3]

please help me

Hi, Tcyy. Welcome to Essay Forum. My pleasure to help you.

Please aware about the layout, it affects the reader's attention. I mean, give a space between your paragraphs.

Nowadays different people have different views about children's education. Some people think children ought to be taught how to compete in the society while others believe cooperation spirit is more useful in children's adult life. I think both views make sense depending on the specific situations.

Here quite answer the task responses to me, but let me give a possible intro for you to compare.
Childhood is the golden age to learn. Hereupon, some people argue that the value of competition should be taught in such phase. However, another arguments underline that teaching to be cooperate in childhood brings more provision for the adulthood living in comparison with teaching to be competitive. In my opinion, both of views can be discuss with several reasons.

Actually, a sense of competition is important for children's growing up. Children can adapt to the intense campus life as soon as they gain the ability of competition at school. They can concentrate on their study and get a better score through competition with their classmates. As a result, they increasingly build up self-confident and have ability to go ahead. Further, the competition ability benefits their sports.( You take a new idea here.I suggest you to choose a topic sentence then supports it) For example if two teams are on the soccer match, the team who has a competition sense is more likely to get succeed in the sports. The competition spirit makes them easy to win, which is good for their mental development.

Sense of competitive leads children to be fair. A lesson to thrill of victory is sweeter if you have known the agony of defeat. As the children know the struggle to become a winner and defeat fairly with all of the effort, a live lesson to be fair and strong already constructed in their mental process. This is the reason why in America the building values of competition is a must. In 2013, National Federation of School Associations recorded approximately 7, 7 million children in US played a sport in school sport team. While children already familiar in competing in the right way, it continues in their next live phase to be a competitive person.

However, cooperation is another important feature for children. Children have to work together and learn from each other to get improved at school. The study group is a wonderful way to teach them how to cooperate with classmates. It helps students to find the advantages of other people and learn from them. The students may get to know each other and become friends through the study group. As a result, they will gain more knowledge and learning skills. Besides, Cooperation can improve the children's social skills when they become adult. They are easy to work closely with their colleagues and make more friends when they grow up. Obviously, this teamwork skill could help them to perform better in their career.

To me this is a signal of redundancy, avoid this is your further writing.

On the other hand, the idea to teaching to be cooperative is more benevolent for children rather than a lesson about competition. Cooperation can be guide children to be aware about surroundings in case of pursuing the goals. A psychologist from the University of St. Thomas proves that children ages 9 to 14 shows the best result while they perform three throws basketball with cooperation alongside when a child is pitted against another. Based on this view, I agree that sometimes reaching a goal needs cooperation.

In conclusion, the ability of competition is important as well as cooperation. Children can lead a better life if they gain all the two important skills.

This is too simple to stand as conclusion. If you could, re-write it.

Hopefully it helps :D

SHanafi

Dec 10, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Different courses in England - Two pie charts [5]

Hi

I think bar charts and pie charts are different nor synonymous

Thank you Bang, I miss it

Dear buddy,

keep spirit, keep study :)

Yes, indeed. Thank you buddy :D

you did not paraphrase the question

The question includes in the picture attached, all written in the writing field is my work. However, may I get the specific part, reason and also a possible suggestion related to my intro.

SHanafi

Dec 10, 2014

Research Papers / Research abstract :Out-of-body Experience [NEW]

Please kindly checked the grammar using and also the overall content in such research abstract. Thank you :D
==============================================================================

A PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY ON OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE (OBE)

The out-of-body experience (OBE) is the transcendental experience where the person's self and body are phenomenologically separate, typically involves a sensation of floating outside his/her body and to see the world from a location outside the physical body. The OBE, however, often includes the experience on moving outside the confines of body and space all the while remaining aware of her/his unmoving physical body.

The present study aims to overlook the perspectives on out-of-body experience (OBE) among the participants. In the manner, this research uses a qualitative phenomenological approach so as to uncover the subjective meaning of OBE. A total of three participants who had reported having at least two times of OBE is selected by purposive sampling while the data is analyzed by the Miles and Huberman interactive analysis model.

Moreover, the testable hypothesis reveals that even every participants experiences OBE, the subjective meaning showed some differences related to the OBE's background. In an OBE experient who signed OBE as a fortunate from the Almighty, the getting message within OBE should be delivered to the others while the appearing meaning in OBE experient in Menangan, a purpose of becoming the best, with the induced of Kejawen meditation, OBE is denoted as the high level of grateful to the God. In the case of OBE's participant with coma condition, the OBE's meaning appears as the advancement of a newborn. Related to the participants, the interpretation of OBE shows a difference even though it is still directly leads to Manunggaling Gusti, soul merges in God. Generally, the participants reports some fatigues and lassitudes as the physical effects of OBE.

SHanafi

Nov 30, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay. Deforestation caused by human activity. [5]

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?

Be focus on your prompt, the blue one is your work to answer.

as we know

I suggest to omit, this is spoken language

.T here is nothing left to deal with those pollutants

There are several solutions to deal with this problem .

You attempt to answer the prompt with well in your second body paragraph, this is the main work point. However, for me, you make some circumstances before go straight to the point. Just directly answer the prompt since you make your intro.

All in all, there could be other way to address the problem but I strongly feel those listed above would suffice

This is too simply as a conclusion, you should synthesize the prior opinion here.

Lastly, I remind you to be care about your layout which is influence the psychological aspect of the reader including your examiner.

SHanafi

Nov 26, 2014

Writing Feedback / The idea of giving financial aid to developing countries is a concept that is valued by most people. [3]

Your writing reflects that you are familiar with writing journals specifically in economic issue. You have wide range of idea, but unfortunately in IELTS we cannot stance stronger only with the idea. We have to consider another aspect relating to the band descriptor. I suggest you to follow the appropriate structure while always remember, in the real test, conquering the time is a must. Overall, this is a good job. :D

SHanafi

Nov 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Different courses in England - Two pie charts [5]

The pie charts present data concerning alteration in six different means of courses in England in 2010 and 2012.

Overall, more students significantly enrol in sport science course over two years under review while the UK students take the least interest in joining carpentry.

As per the bar charts, around a quarter of English students enrolled to sport science course in 2012 while in 2010 it recorded just 11,9 % enrollment, this 16 percent increase was the most significant improvement over the all courses. Compared to the number of devotees in carpentry course being accounted 5 % in 2012, such trend recorded a fivefold increase. Engineering took the second place in number improvement. Rising at 12,3% in 2010, it climbed to 18,5 % during the review years.

Besides, the courses of social studies, nursing and psychology showed a decrease. Rising as highest percentage at 27%, the number of British student joining in social studies course fell at about 6 percent in 2012. Although the percentage of nursing's attendance in 2010 bear uncanny resemblance in percentage of sport science in 2012, it approximately halved to 14 % in 2012. However, psychology noted an un-significant decrease over the two years period.

SHanafi

Nov 12, 2014

Book Reports / In the novel Q&A by Vikas Swarup, an important idea is revenge [2]

That is where Ram promises to get revenge on this mysterious man who happens to be Prem Kumar, a famous television host.
~~what's~~what is happening
~~It's~~it is always
~~he's~~he is slowly
Ram' s idea
He devotes his life to achieving this that he sort of loses sight of ~~what's~~what is really important, l ooking after family and friends.

Fortunately, Ram decides ...
..~~isn't~~is not about

SHanafi

Nov 8, 2014

Writing Feedback / The effects of cheaper flights - IELTS Essay [7]

Let me try to make an intro
Air travel nowadays is affordable in some part of the globe. Some people views that this kind of phenomenon would be followed by the beneficial events while others stance stronger in the other assumption. I assert that air travel would be grade as its pace will help to enlarge the range of goods services, but its impact for the environment should be highly pondered.

SHanafi

Oct 26, 2014

Writing Feedback / The dramatically fluctuations are composite by Canada, Italy, Japan and France - IELTS table chart [7]

I am in line with Maritsanur. While the picture is not attaching, it is difficult to identify your report which is suit to the feature given.

You attempted to paraphrase the prompt with well. Let me try to simplify it.

The table chart illustrates personal savings as a percentage of personal loans in several nations in 1970, 1990 and 2000, a period of three decades. The chart shows data from seven nations there are Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, UK and USA. The dramatically fluctuations are composite by Canada, Italy, Japan and France.

The table depicts the percentage of the way that people in Canada, France, German, Italy, UK, America and Japan save their personal income in 1970, 1990 and 2000.

The dramatically fluctuations are composite by Canada, Italy, Japan and France.

Over all, the personal savings as a percentage of personal loans in listed nations recorded decreased among three decades.

Both of them can be merged in your overview.

According to table list on last period, 2000 years,

As per the table, in 2000 ...

, Japan the percentages

The percentage in Japan....

I suggest you to pay attention about the layout. While your essay's appearance is not well-organized, the examiner needs hard work to understand it. I mean put spacing to separate your essay's part.

SHanafi

Oct 26, 2014

Writing Feedback / These days, most of universities have many subjects for male or female only [3]

the subjects are ~~such as~~engineering, information technology (IT), industrial technical, nurse, baby doctor, physical therapy 1 , and others 2 .

1. Avoid shopping listing. In formal writing, commonly, it attaches three words or phrases.
eg. engineering, nursing and politics.
2. Rid the lazy language like this.

baby doctor

pediatrician or paediatrician.

I think your essay may out of line answering the prompt. Pay attention in what those suggestion given to you above.

SHanafi

Oct 10, 2014

Writing Feedback / According to eg Carl Jung the colors cure mentally illness patients by the art work in psychotherapy [5]

All of the coaches, thank you for the valuable comments.

Presenting the reader withan analytical situation about the way they react to colors would have been a good hook to ...

In each of the paragraph, you should state a reason, give an explanation and then give examples for it rather than listing all examples.

These are my problems.

Honestly, I am confused to breakdown this prompt. Particularly, which part of the prompt that I should underline. I already read some sample answers with similar prompt, but none of them quite answered the task responses to me then it makes me difficult to break the prompt in my intro and also in the bodies. If both of you are willing to give me an actual example that I can learn, I would be great for me. Thank you :D

SHanafi

Oct 8, 2014

Writing Feedback / According to eg Carl Jung the colors cure mentally illness patients by the art work in psychotherapy [5]

Psychologist have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals.

How true this statement?

How far colour influence people's health and capacity for work?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
=====================================÷===÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

Colours have a great impact on people's lives. Recently, modern psychologists hypothesize that some colours in the building interior influence the mood states of workers and patients while the opponents assume that people's feelings cannot be explained with the colours provided. I believe that colours in appropriate mixture can actively boost the positivity among its occupants.

Colours and human's feeling are already discussed for long time. All our lives, people have been trained to respond to colours through our action and feeling. An actual example can be seen in the way people conducting their manner while driving or crossing street. In terms of red means stop, yellow means careful and green means go, people instinctively react to colours due to the preconditioning of their minds. While people experience a rush of emotion when run a red light, colours prove its power to influence people. Moreover, in some countries colours may associate with certain mood. A result shows that 35% of Americans express the feel of coziness with Blue. Besides, the adequate outcomes from colour experiments say that red gives the sense physical courage, and violet gives the sense of calmness. Furthermore, as the power of colour, interior design nowadays tend to consider its mixture to deliberate people's mood. A landmark study conducted by University of British Columbia reveals that blue environment can deal with productivity while The Hufftington post publishes that combination of slate blue mixes with olive green and soft cream has helped to foster a team environment. The aforementioned evidences align the colours-emotion association.

On the other hand, colour's power is not merely related to people positivity. A research in Florida University reveals that there is no significant finding to determine anxiety level, length of stay or medication request depend upon the color of patient room colour with a mild tone shape of purple, green and orange. Then, the refutation of mood improvement based on the colours can be accepted.

In conclusion, the energy of colours are widely used in decorating particular buildings to bring positivity to the people. In another case, the colours effect may not seen significantly in healing process. However, I believe that the statement that colours can effect people feel is true as the wonderment of our emotions in connection to colours exist in our daily lives.

SHanafi

Oct 8, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Graphs: UK tourism statistics [5]

Hi, akifielts. You made a good intro, but pay attention about your sentence flow. I am not keen on your separation while explaining the line and bar graph.

Let me try
The line graph informs the number of departures and arrivals in UK over a 20-year period, and the bar chart presents the British favourite destination in 1999.

Avoid contraction in formal writing
Write "it is" not "it's"
It is better not to attach the data in your overview such as 10 million visitors. Then, it is better make comparison between the number of travel come and to UK.

This I can do
Overall, the number of international departures from UK was considerably higher than its arrivals between 1979 and 1999. Meanwhile, France remained as the most favourable destination for English travellers in 1999.

Your second body is too short, I wish you could report more informations further.

The sharp increase of travelling in 1999 attracted around 12 million British people to come to France. Standing in contrast with USA being recorded 4 million visited by UK citizens, such trend had almost threefold increase in full loan of visitors. Spain came as the second choice with 9 millions UK arrivals in 1999. However, Turkey and Greece were stance stronger as the two last destinations which reckoned by less than 3 millions arrivals by British people.