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Posts by irhame
Name: irham amir
Joined: Apr 7, 2015
Last Post: Jun 15, 2016
Threads: 52
Posts: 50  
Likes: 25
From: Indonesia
School: unand

Displayed posts: 102 / page 1 of 3
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irhame   
Jun 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2, Many employees may work at home the modern technology [5]

Technology changes the way people [...] that the only workers have advantages not the employers.

Sophisticated devices play an equally important role in job life. As such, it help employees work in their own occupation. While some convince that it only boosts employees capability, I highly likely believe it gives benefits for boss and workers.
irhame   
Mar 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The usage of energy in USA started from 1980 to 2030 - The energy outlook [2]

The graph illustrates from energy [...] pattern over the period as a whole.

A breakdown of proportion of energy consumption by fuel in the US from 1980-2030 as a projected year, a 50-year period is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, all elements introduce an increase pattern. In any case, while Petrol and Oil, Natural Gas, and Coal increase significantly, others are reverse.
irhame   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2: Do Working in Particular Work Beneficial for Children? [2]

These days and ages , children involved in any kind of paid works are prohibited in some countries, while ...
Furthermore, although working in particular job ...

i highly likely suggest you to use these days and ages only in speaking. compared to academic writing, you can use "in contemporary era".

for first sentence, you do not compare between 2 opinion. there is no clue talking about it.
you should try to create good flow for connecting sentences.
it is better if you give reasons for each idea in first paragraph that you will explain them in the following paragraphs.
irhame   
Jan 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Number of people aged 65 and more amids USA, Sweden, and Japan for over a century. [3]

The line graph compares the percentage of ...
The most noticeable trend is that Japan shoot up ...

A comparison of percentage of people aged 65 and above in several developed countries for over 100 year, an over century period is illustrated in the line graph. overall, there were some changes in the line projection. In any case, while Japan shoot up throughout the period after gradually rebound, others rose steadily until 1980.
irhame   
Jan 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / People should be more independent from modern technologies to protect their ability to think [3]

Hello ajulyav

Given task requires to what extent do you agree or disagree. It means that you should give your position on it agree or disagree because it is the predominant requirement in this essay. Furthermore, i sadly say that your writing is unsystematic essay. Then, your introduction and conclusion are too short. Next, you should take into consideration of your subject verb agreement.

This is some corrections from me


People should be more independent from modern technologies, because they can influence negatively on the ability to think.

In this era, people rely too much on up-to-date technologies. On account of this, some argue that it will negatively influence in the way they life such as hard to remember. While it is true, i totally disagree with this notion since they can help human to answer a wide range of actual problems.

To conclude, while many believe that using modern technologies can influence negatively for people's life such as easy to forget, i certainly disagree for this opinion as people are helped to solve many problems by operating these technologies.

irhame   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children Should Begin To Learn Foreign Language At Primary School Rather than Secondary School [2]

Learning a specific language requires [...] taught at secondary education.

In contemporary era, learning foreign language is an update trend for young children. As such, some convince learning foreign tongue in primary school is better than secondary school due to best time for obtaining recent vocabularies and speaking fluently. In contrast, others argue that the students should study basic subjects in such primary school owing to more crucial and more attractive.

To sum up, i believe [...] movement and actively speak.

the aforementioned evidence reveals that while some people believe that learning foreign language in primary school will be more appropriate thanks to can learning faster with new words and imitate native clearly, many argue that study basic skills have to be focused because of more predominant for their development. Where possible, schools should be encouraged to tech the children in both level of educations.

Hi fijarakbar25
Overall, your writing is good, but it is hard for me to catch your idea. Then, i suggest you to give more example and explanation. Furthermore, your conclusion is too short. Needless to say, you have to add it at least 2 or 3 sentences.
irhame   
Dec 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / City gridlock, lack of foods - overpopulation caused immense problems, what are the solutions? [2]

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

In contemporary era, overpopulation is inevitably encountered by urban dwellers living in cosmopolitan cities. As such, this terrible issue arguably introduces various detrimental impacts such as overcrowding, slums, shanty towns and insufficient foods. As far as i am concerned, in order to deal with these problems, governments should offer some proper accommodation, and import other foods from foreign countries. Then, inhabitants have to encouraged for staying in villages, and planting trees over there which supply their diets.

Admittedly, the major problem caused by such overpopulation in these towns is crowded cities, because a wide range of villagers try to move and stay in the large cities. taking Bangkok as an example, the number of inner-city population have increased dramatically over the years as people migrating from rural areas such as Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai move to the city. As seen, the terrain cannot be loaded by more urban people. Not only this, when it comes to other cities like Mumbai, Manila and Ho Chi Mint, this overpopulation leads to slum and shanty town. Also, people have few challenging to obtain diets due to chronic food shortage.

In an attempt to overcome these worrying problems, the state officials should create some novel regulations. First, they build multi-storey housing estates in many areas. Clearly, this type of buildings can provide a great deal of people living in the cities. Moreover, those should import some essential foods such as rice and vegetables from other developing countries like Indonesia and Vietnam. The more diet are transferred from other countries, the quicker problem can be solved. What is more, such individuals also have in charge to be involved to cope these difficulties with returning them to the local areas, and stay away from the cities. Next, they should plant some important fruits and vegetables for feeding themselves.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although the extremely crowded towns bring about some crucial problems like city gridlock and lack of foods, the viable solutions can be undertaken by the governments and people. Where possible, both authorities and inhabitants go hand in hand to some cooperation for pressing the impacts.
irhame   
Dec 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Comparison of coffee production and preparation for distributing to several supermarkets and stores [NEW]

A comparison of coffee production and preparation for distributing to several huge supermarkets and stores, this process is illustrated in the diagrams. Overall, there are some common steps to create and sell such coffee. In any case, while picking the coffee beans is the first stage in this diagram projection, it will end up in some bottles.

At one time, the coffee beans are picked in the farm before continuing to be roasted in special machine. What is more, these should be cooled rapidly for ensuring the beans are easy to be in a grinding machine. Furthermore, the ground beans are mixed in warmed water, and then the mixture is strained.

Interestingly, almost similar steps are occurred in the last process. The strained coffees is frozen and continued to the grinder which produce coffee granules. What the last second step is where the process dried in a vacuum. Over there, while the ground coffees are dried out by fire, the water evaporates and leaving the coffee. Eventually, these coffees have to be packed into particular jars for selling them in the market.




irhame   
Nov 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / The changes of wildlife population [NEW]

A comparison of percentage of main reasons for wildlife population changes and change in population figures for wildlife observed between 2000 and present day, a 15-year period is illustrated in the pie and bar chart. Overall, there have been proportions in the chart projections. In any case, while Habitat destruction has been a main factor for the changes, it has brought a significant impact to insects.

The pie chart had some different proportion. While the predominant reason for the population changes has been seen by Habitat destruction, Introduction of exotic species has only given little impact. What is more, 21% of wildlife population changes have been caused by pollution. Furthermore, even though disease had twofold percentage as much as the lowest figure for the main sectors, the proportions of random factors such as accidents and over exploitation like hunting and fishing have witnessed moderate differences at 12 percent and 15 percent respectively.

Interestingly, the bar chart has experienced a crowded data. From 2000-2015, although the figure for insects has increased 23% for bats, foxes' percentage has just been 9%. In contrast, the extinction of reptiles' population has risen more than two-fifths for both butterflies and bees. Then, freshwater fish has been the second endangered animals in the question period at -29% (trout) and -26% (salmon). Next, other categories have altered between -10 percent and 10 percent.




irhame   
Nov 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / Internet users in three different developed countries from 1999 to 2009 [NEW]

A comparison of percentage of internet users in three developed countries between 1999 and 2009, a ten-year period is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, all categories saw an increase. In any case, while Americans and Mexicans accessed the internet much larger, Canadians experienced the fastest growth in the internet usage.

There were moderate changes in first three years. In 1999, the proportion of people using the Internet in the USA was about 20%. The figures for Canada and Mexico were lower, at about 10% and 5%, the lowest proportion of the graph projections, respectively. At the end of 2001, while Mexico users witnessed a gradual rise at 10 percent of population, the figure for Americans and Canadians had similar percentage at 45 percent.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that there was a significant rise over the following years. In 2005, people who used the internet in both the USA and Canada rose to around 70% of the population, while the figure for Mexico reached just over a quarter. By 2009, the figure for Internet users was highest in Canada. Almost 100% of Canadians used the Internet, compared with about 80% of Americans and only 40% of Mexicans.




irhame   
Nov 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Which One is More Essential, Appearance or Quality of Work? [5]

In particular chance, employees are also mandated by their companiesemployers to wear smart clothes...
Clearly,c ompanies should let their workers to ...
In other words, if only they experience their duty well,their dress can be applied.

Obviously, people have to adjust quickly in their surroundingsenvironment , so they can prepare and know what clothes they should dress. I do reckon that between quality and looksdisplays have to be balanced to ...
irhame   
Nov 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / A comparison of percentage change in standard house prices in several developed cities [2]

A comparison of percentage change in standard house prices in several developed cities between 1990 and 2002 compared with 1989, a 12-year period is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, there were some changes in every category. In any case, while the percentage of house prices in Tokyo dominated, London was the highest figure for the prices whole question period.

There was a significant change in three Europe's cities. In 1990-1995, the average house prices in Madrid about 1% after compared with 1989. What is more, this proportion increased dramatically fourfold over 6 years later. In contrast, while the figure for prices in Frankfurt reached 2 percent, it fell down to 1 percent after 6-year period. Furthermore, 7% average prices for houses occurred in London in first five years. The following years, its proportion rose markedly almost twice at one in ten.

A more detailed look at the chart reveals that moderate changes reported in other cities. The standard prices for accommodation in the USA remained stable along 12 years compared with 1989 at 5%. Interestingly, while the proportion for house prices in Tokyo from 1990 to 1995 witnessed as same as figure for London at the same time, it decreased sharply to 5 percent.




irhame   
Nov 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / The map illustrates two planed locations for building a novel supermarket [2]

The map illustrates two planed locations for building a novel supermarket in Garlsdson which have 65,000 inhabitants. Overall, those areas are the suitable places for business. In any case, while the supermarket is built in S1 duo to near from having more parking's space, I believe that S2 is the best location owing to economic central activities.

To begin, S1 is located in countryside zone between main roads and railway which have direction to Hindon. The advantages of this site are there is enough place for car parking and it is accessible for people who live in the rural area. In contrast, the location of S1 is not suitable for people who live in Bransdon and Cransdon thanks to long distance.

Meanwhile, the second potential area (S2), situated on the left side of railway, in the Town Centre, is more comfortable for citizens of Crandson as it is only 25 km from this place to town centre. This site is also surrounded by houses and industrial zone nearby. Those make supermarket will develop dramatically in S2.




irhame   
Nov 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Affect of using modern technology [NEW]

Over-reliance on modern technology means that people are failing to learn, or are forgetting, many basic skills.
To what extent is true? Are people becoming so reliant on modern technology that they are no longer able to do some things without it?


People rely on modern technology. As such, they fail to learn some crucial basic skills as up-to-date technology has created everything to be simplest. While it is true, I believe that sophisticated technology devices have not decreased people's skills since such devices help student to improve basic skills and is used for student in high education. Clearly, automated era forced people operating technology.

Newest technologies have solved many problems to be easier. While people force particular obstacle, they can deal with it faster by using such technologies. Unfortunately, it causes people lost their basic skills due to less practice. For example, even though people over-reliance on satellite navigation (sat nav), they will forget how to read maps. As a result, people end up in strange places because sat nav is not always accurate. Therefore, the modern technology threatens the existence of many important basic skills for human being.

As a matter of fact, there are some counter-arguments against prior statement. Initially, the update technologies guide pupils to learn basic skills. While students need more time to be expert in basic subjects, the technologies can guide them to learn faster. Eventually, such technologies usually are used in high education. On account of this, basic skill will not extinct since they have learnt many base subjects for hours in elementary schools.

From my point of view, people's dependence on the sophisticated technology devices increased significantly since 80 years ago which made them cannot life without such technologies. The reason of this is everything today is automated system. For instance, in Indonesia, presidential election used computer system over 20-year period.

To conclude, people depend on technology. Because of this, while some basic skills are lost since the modern technology has carried out all human needs, I totally argue that such technology do not threaten basic skills as it help people to improve their base subjects and usually it used in senior high schools. Obviously, the sophisticated devices created people over reliance on it duo to automated system today. Where possible, people should keep their basic skills when using newest technology.
irhame   
Nov 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / More and more frequent phenomenon of having two cars in a household. [NEW]

A comparison of percentage of car ownership in the U.K between 1971 and 2007, a 36-year period is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, the chart shows some changes. In any case, while the percentage of owner one car dominated in the question period, people who have two cars witnessed a significant increase.

There are some moderate alterations in the first 8 years. From 1971 to 1979, even though the proportion of owner more than three cars increased slightly from 1% up to 2 % users, a dramatic rise was shown by people who have two cars between 7 percent and 10 percent. Meanwhile, although the figure for owner one car remained stable about a quarter, the percentage of people who had not car fell steadily from 49%, which was the highest proportion in this timetable, down to the same as figure as one car's percentage in 1979.

A more detailed look at the chart reveals that some significant changes happened in the following years. While the percentage of people who had three cars and above jump gradually to 2003 at 6 percent, the remained unchanged was still experienced by the proportion of owner a car. Interestingly, even though the figure for owner a couple cars increased dramatically and the percentage of people who had no car dropped sharply. Both categories had similar percentage at 25 percent. What is more, while the proportion for owner three or more cars reported a slowly growth only one percent, others flattened out.




irhame   
Nov 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / Information of consumers expenditure in 5 different countries [3]

A breakdown of percentage of national consumer expenditure by category in 2002, a one-year period is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, there were some significant changes in this question period. In any case, while Turkish spending dominated in this timetable, Italian people were the highest percentage in clothing.

A huge difference was shown by countries in Food/drinks/tobacco. 32.14% witnessed the highest percentage for this category by Turkey. What is more, while Ireland was the second highest proportion for such expenditure, Sweden people only consumed 15.77 percent food or drinks or tobacco which was the lowest figure for the spending.

A more detailed look at the chart reveals that some moderate disparities occurred in clothing/footwear and leisure/education. In clothing, even though consumers from Italy dominated, Sweden people had less interest to this one. Meanwhile, 4.35% Turkish inhabitants spent money for leisure or education. In contrast, almost two percent Spanish people funded in such category -the lowest figure for all items.




irhame   
Nov 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / There are some significant alterations in elderly people population [NEW]

A comparison of percentage of population aged 65 and above from 1940 to 2040 in three different developed countries, a 100-year period is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, all categories witness a significant increase. In any case, while Americans dominated in this reminder question, Japanese people are predicted to be the highest proportion in the last year.

Some moderate changes happened in the first sixty years. In 1940, the proportion of elderly people in USA was higher than other countries (Sweden and Japan) at 9%, 6.5%, and 5% repetitively. What is more, while the figure for the U.S and Sweden rose slightly at almost ten percent after 2 decades, Japanese's proportion fell dramatically to 3.5% people aged 65 and over. The following twenty years, although the percentage for Japanese remained stable, others increased steadily to 15% for USA's proportion and 14% for Sweden percentage.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that there are some significant alterations in elderly people population. In 2000, old Japanese people had same as proportion as the first year. In contrast, while Americans' percentage dropped slightly, Sweden old people experienced a gradual increase at 15% elderly inhabitants. Afterwards, while all categories will increase dramatically in 2035, their percentage are forecast to be slight rise at the end of the question period at 22% for Japanese which is the highest percentage for elderly people, 25% for Sweden people and 23.5% for Americans.




irhame   
Nov 25, 2015
Undergraduate / 'overwhelmed with emotion' - Transfer Applicant - George Washington University [10]

TheAn idea of going to college in a completely different environments makes me overwhelmed with emotion ... The idea of transferring to an university in one of the world's ...

I am invigorated by the life in Washington, D.C. andwhat is more, when I ponder the ideanotion of attending George Washington University ...
irhame   
Nov 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / How to produce weather forecasts [3]

The diagram reveals the ways Australian Bureau of Meteorology accumulate weather's data to offer accurate information forecast. Overall, there are 3 steps to broadcast weather forecasts. In any case, the weather information collection is conducted via satellites, radars and drifting buoys and then analyzed before sharing them to public.

At one time, the information is collected using three different tools -satellites, radars, and drifting buoys. While the original data collected from the satellites is basically satellite photos, radar information are viewed from the radar screens and synoptic charts are yielded from drifting buoys. Interestingly, all these valuable data are united in special computer to analyze and prepare for broadcasting in Australia.

What is more, the weather news is spread by mass media such as televisions, radios and telephones. The final information is provided to public via TV news, radio broadcasting and recorded announcement like landline services. The reason of this is to guarantee the information broadcasted by all people




irhame   
Nov 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The benefits of starting own business can outweigh the drawbacks [2]

A large number of people prefer to work in a company rather than choosing to start their own business because the risks are greater if make own business. However, I believe that the benefits of starting own business can outweigh the drawbacks.

Most people are more likely to work in a company rather than creating their own business since own business has greater risks. While it is partly true, i totally believe that the benefits of own business are outweigh the drawbacks

In conclusion, although makecreate own company is quite risky, I still have a strong belief that the benefits resulted are much more enormous and worthy, such as Bill Gates started from the bottom,against risks and now Bill Gates have a large business.
irhame   
Nov 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / For who the success of space exploration? [2]

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort.
To what extent do you agree with this?
How do you think space exploration will change the future?


Exploring space is a huge achievement for human being. On account of this, while many argue that this causes national pride due to country's ambassador, I totally agree that this has had international cooperation owing to collaboration and global foundation. From my point of view, I predict the space exploration become necessity and common journey.

As a matter of fact, an organization of space research consists of many scientists in different country. Clearly, those people represent their nationality working on it. Certainly, while they are success in their mission, their country will be proud of them. For example, Neil Elden Armstrong was an American astronaut who was being the first person to walk on the moon. From that moment, the U.S has been famous as the superpower country thanks to this achievement. As a result, people believe that America has advance technologies which can send particular man explore outside the Earth. Therefore, the success of space adventures creates a pride to the nation.

However, there are some counter-arguments against prior idea. Initially, voyage outside the Earth is a result of collaborative efforts from all members who have different nationalities. If this is a shape of cooperative performance, the pride is addressed to such efforts. Eventually, the foundation is funded by many countries. Although its office is located in a country, this institute is in international organization.

For the following decades, I think voyage to space is become an extreme necessity for human as people will take natural resources from other planets to fulfill their needs. What is more, holiday outside the Earth will become common for people since they have sophisticated technology devices which may them travel to particular planet like Mars.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that space exploration is a national pride owing to delegation. While it is true, I totally believe that this is for global efforts due to perfect cooperative work and international foundation. Furthermore, in the future, I argue that carrying out journey to another planet is a compulsory and favorite holiday for human. Where possible, the government should help those scientists to enhance in-depth knowledge how to survive in outer space.
irhame   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / The extinction's number of plant and animal species, and the percentage of threats to plant life. [2]

A comparison of the extinction's number of plant and animal species per million in a century and the percentage of threats to plant life between 2000 and 2100, a 100-year decade is illustrated in the line graph and the pie chart. Overall, the level of extinction is relied on enormous factors. In any case, while the graph experiences in-depth information about endangered plant and animal species in tropical forests, the chart shows some factors which threaten the plant's existence.

An observation reveals a significant change in the level of plant and animal extinction. In 2000, about 4,000 million species died -the lowest figure for the extinction. What is more, this worrying condition will increase dramatically twenty years later at 10,000 million species. The following 40 decades, this figure is predicted to peak at fifty thousand million species, which is the highest proportion for such extinction. Fortunately, in the last year of question period, the extinction's level is forecast to be a downward trend.

However, some factors threaten plant survival. Obviously, human impacts are higher than natural events. Over three quarter of extinction is caused by human activity, whilst only a fifth threatens come from natural incidents. Agriculture (18.7%) and harvesting (14.4%) are huge impacts which damage plant life. Meanwhile, only 7 percent and 11.7 percent of natural disasters and other events can threaten plant existence. Had the threats of both categories had been decreased, the existence of plant would not been a crucial issue.




irhame   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / IT enables people to do their work at home. What are the pros and cons? [3]

In this day and age, the dominant role of information technology is irrefutable. ...
Today, information technology plays an equally important role for societies. As such, it facilitates people having an optimal circumstances for their job achievement and reach the flexibility of workplace. As a consequence, officers now can either work at conventional place such as at office and home. Meanwhile, an increasing trend reveals some merits and demerits.
irhame   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of standard yearly expenditures in United States regarding the phones sales [2]

A breakdown of standard yearly spending on mobile phone and landline phones in US from 2001 to 2010, a 9 year period is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, while over 10 years the amount of money spent on cell phones increased dramatically, the average expenditure on stationary phones decreased significantly.

There were some changes in expenditure over the following 5 years. While average's sell of residential phone services in 2001 under $700, Americans only bought cell phone services at the same time at about $200 which was the lowest figure in this question period. The following year, the landline phone disposals fell slightly to $650, but the selling of mobile phone rose steadily to $300. Interestingly, both phones experienced a same rate in consumers' expenditures at more than five hundred dollars in 2006.

A more detailed looking at the chart reveals that the significant changes in the last 5 years. Both categories (mobile and landline phones) explained a dramatic decrease and increase to under $500 and above $600 repetitively in 2007. In contrast, while all items altered slowly, the first figure rose significantly to $750 which was the highest proportion yearly spending and another item dropped down to $400.




irhame   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / The cycle graph shows the various steps of nymph life. [2]

The cycle graph shows the process of nymph life. Overall, there are various steps in the life of nymph. Even though there are five main stages in the growth of the insects, the life cycle is completed between 34 and 36 days.

To begin, the life process of the nymph is started when the female lays eggs, usually two or three eggs per 3 days. What is more, the insects need 3 days to maturity time. The following 9 days, each egg hatches a new generation which nymph molts three times as it develops.

A more detailed looks at the graph reveals that three molting places. Initially, the nymph emerges from egg in the fourth day. Furthermore, it grows to be young insect after 7 days. Eventually, it is called young adult nymph when it is 9 days old. Obviously, it reaches full maturity in the 34-36 days.




irhame   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Technology's development makes people today more likely to do their job outside of offices. [5]

Question:
Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc).
Do benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?


Answer:
Information technology has changed human life. As such, people today are more likely to do their job outside of offices. While some believe that it brings some benefits such as effectiveness and work productivity, I argue that it will cause many drawbacks like individualist and crime.

As a matter of fact said that, traffic congestion is the main factor causing employees come late. By working at home using the advanced mobility, workers can save their time, their money, and they do not feel stress. For example, A 2013 New York Times recently reveals that modern telecommunication tools have increased effectiveness of British employees above 20% annually. As a consequence, the employees can totally focus on their job skills. Therefore, the advance technology of information enhanced workers capabilities. Not only this, businessmen who have high mobility will be more helped. They can easily carry out negotiating and dealing with their clients.

Despite these advantages, there are counter-arguments disadvantages for modern mobility. Initially, while a wide range of sophisticated information devices serve users, it is inevitable that they become lack of socializing. This is because they only interested in their computers to finish their work. What is more, when people use it on the street like in phone or laptop, it will persuade criminal to steal these expensive equipment.

The aforementioned evidence explains that the technology of information plays an equally important role in human being. On account of this, people argue that this advance can help employee to do homework outside of office which can improve their skills and time effectiveness. While it is true, I totally believe that it will boost individualism and crime rate.
irhame   
Nov 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / Information technology overhauled people's life - wasting time and damaging people's health [3]

Question:

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities.

To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?


Answer:

Information technology plays an equally important role for well-being. As such, it has overhauled our way of life in home, free and job activities' concept. While some believe that it brings some benefits such as instant access and enhancing work productivity, I argue that this causes more drawbacks like time-consuming and unhealthy lifestyle.

As a matter of fact, the advanced technology has boosted speed of the internet access. Today, the majority of people have so quick access to social and entertainment connections especially in networking site. A 2013 Tokyo University research recently reveals that Japan's speed in the internet's browsing at 16.34 Mb/s which is the second fastest access of the internet. As a consequence, people are more likely to use this internet for achieve some information easily. Therefore, the number of users will increased whilst the information technology advances day after day. Not only this, sophisticated devices of the technology have moved forward the quality of work thanks to a wide range of data which is saved in computer.

Despite these advantages, there are more counter-arguments for drawbacks for modern information technologies. Initially, the information technology has wasted users' time. While worker should read a lot of emails in their mailbox, children are liable to chat with their beloved friends for hours by using dialog online. What is more, unhealthy lifestyle cannot be avoided. The modern technology forced people to make sedentary activities. Clearly, even though every person works on screen, they will sit on the chair for long term which affect to their back healthy.

To conclude, the technology of information today is extremely essential for human being. On account of this, the human life has changed duo to advanced technology. Although many argue that it will increase the internet access and work capability, I totally believe that this is only wasting time and damaging people's health.
irhame   
Nov 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'Running Dream' book - setting description [3]

BeginningTo begin of the book, Running Dream, it tookhave taken place in a hospital room. Then, it mostly took place ...

While, sherlock lets out a happy bark, and Jessica isfeels happy to be home. Her room was used to be in last room ...

If the story didn't tooktake place in at her home, it wouldn't show how much ...

AlsoWhat is more, it wouldn't show that ...

She isfeels happy to see that she was missed by her friends and teachers . If Jessica didn't go to school, she wouldn't meet Rosa.S he wouldn't get her running leg without her track- team friends, and she wouldn't off start off running again.
irhame   
Nov 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / Headland erosion. The diagram shows the damage that took place. [3]

The diagram experiences the charges that took place in a headland face due to coastal erosion. Overall, while the erosion reveals a significant impact on the headland, the coastline remains unchanged.

At one time, a small hollow in weak areas is constructed by the sea water which hit the wall. After long process, the hole is being bigger than before creating cave's arch. This is because the waves touch the wall's cliff. What is more, even though such waves always beat the cliff, it develops a new big cave and separated stuck as a result of hitting against roof. This means that stones and boulders fell into the sea and side of separated headland.

Eventually, this natural process creates a new cave and huge stack, whilst the headland becomes more retreated and dangerous. Meanwhile, another stack is made by such waves' hitting and its stumps fell down to coastline. In fact, this worrying condition happened in Durdle Door, Dorset. Obviously, had the cliff not been beat by the waves, the headland's existence would not have been threatened.




irhame   
Nov 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / The picture of Fairmont Island in the eyes of regular visitors. [2]

The two of pie chart depict the survey of ...

A comparison of percentage of the most common benefits and breakdowns of Fairmont Island as per to as survey of visitors, this information is illustrated in two pie charts. Overall, while the island has worse food quality, such island receives more advantages from culture.

There are four categories which are being the most general disadvantages. they aresuch as a weather, an expensive expense for a living,and an entertainment and a food quality.

HoweverIn contrast , athe food quality became the lowest choice at only 5 percent.
irhame   
Nov 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / Maintaining old buildings is a very important thing to preserve one of country's heritages [2]

Question:
Many old buildings protected by law are part of a Nation's history. Some people think they should be knocked down and replaced by new ones. How important is it to maintain old buildings? Should history stand in the way of progress?

Answer:
Historic buildings today are a part of country's inheritance. As such, while the general view has been that such buildings have to be replaced by new constructions, I believe that maintaining ancient buildings is very important as they are symbol of places and can attract tourists. Then, standing history in buildings is a compulsory, since it will keep the existence of that ones and is a pride of society.

Old buildings are often considered o be arts in many areas. By doing so, people can easily identify countries by architectural constructions. For example, A 2013 New York Times recently reveals that 80% American tourists who travel abroad said that recognizing historic building is the easiest way to distinguish their countries' destinations. As a consequence, ancient constructions represent the character of particular society. Therefore, they should be protected forever. Not only this, prevent the buildings also can encourage international and domestic visitors. This is because these buildings show how people lived in the past.

Apart from this, maintaining the history for modern buildings is an obligation for every person in many concrete-arguments. Initially, the value of historic buildings will exist for the following decades. If people do not combine historic methods with modern buildings in this present day, it is inevitable that the next generations will lose their identities such as special designed buildings. What is more, people are being pride of their ancestor's art. This is because the historic-building art is a symbol of achievement which has been done by the ancestors of society.

To conclude, one of country's heritages is spectacular old buildings. Although some argue that these buildings should be replaced by new ones. I totally believe that tourists' attraction and places' character are the main reasons why preventing such buildings are predominant. Afterwards, changing new buildings is essential due to the existence and pride. Where possible, the government and inhabitants should go hand in hand to look after the amazing historic buildings.
irhame   
Nov 21, 2015
Undergraduate / 'From coding programs in BASIC to playing football': persistence and hard work is the key to success [4]

Bloomed rose reflecting the high contrast of the flawless colors can certainly ...

bloomed rose can certainly entice eyes of a man strolling pas an oasis. screening such beauty discloses back stage to withstand by sharp thorns. every natural product should force for its existence. what is more, the most developed creatures have to struggle even harder to get a life.

... I realized that persistence and hard work with a bit of imagination isare the key of success.

I totally believe after I face ...
irhame   
Nov 21, 2015
Undergraduate / Interests led me into Biomechanical Engineering - Common App Essay [7]

Tears trickled down my face as I watched ...

Unpredictably, my face was trickled down by my own tears since i watched my favorite Doctor said "goodbye" to his friends a couple months ago. he was leaving, regenerating and never returning forever. What is more, I looked up from the screen just for seeing my sister rolls her beautiful eyes beside me even though i did not care. the episode was so sad. as time passes, it was 4.08 am on a thundering Saturday and i was stuck inside, but i did not mind as i entertained by my beloved science fiction show, Doctor Who.

I found myself truly enjoying them asbecause I already loved solving tackling problems and learning how things well- behaved.

... it suddenly hits me. That, thus, is what I want I wanted to do, making object and focusing my life on ...

... new limbs to make usinguse it to be more comfortable and easier.
irhame   
Nov 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / A comparison of the proportion change in the overseas students' number in 8 Canadian provinces [2]

A comparison of the proportion change in the overseas students' number graduating from many third-level educations in 8 Canadian provinces from 2001 to 2006, a 5-year period is experienced in the bar chart. Overall, while 2006's figure for foreign students dominated in this question period, New Brunswick witnessed a higher percentage rather than other provinces.

Some provinces saw a significant change for international students. British Columbia witnessed the greatest change of foreign pupils from 4.5% in 2001 up to 10.5% in 2006. However, the lowest alteration was shown by Alberta with the gap one percent. Furthermore, while both figures in New Brunswick surpassed from all categories, which were the highest proportion, the lowest percentage in 2001 and 2006 was in Alberta and Ontario repetitively.

A more detailed look at the chart reveals that a slight decrease's figure and almost unchanged proportion revealed in many provinces. 6.5 percent to 10.5 percent was a dramatic increase for the percentage of international graduated pupils, whilst Quebec's figure was much lower than Nova Scotia from 5.2% to 8.5% between 2001 and 2006. In contrast, the student's figure for Manitoba and Newfoundland & Labrador flattened out at 3.5 percent in 2001 and 7 percent in 2006 for overseas students graduating from some universities.




irhame   
Nov 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / The automobile improvement causes some serious problems [2]

Question: Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer.

Modern technology has influenced people's preference. As such, while some believe that the automobile witnesses a dramatic improvement today due to effectiveness and long-distance travel, I would argue that such issue will bring some crucial problems such as bottleneck traffic and air pollution.

People are more likely to use car for travelling. This is because the private cars have enough power to help them making a long journey. For example, A 2013 recent New York Times revealed that 80% inhabitants in America use their private cars to travel to some resorts thanks to good engine power. As a result, the car was being a favorite vehicle for moving to particular places. Therefore, the sophisticated car takes the responsibility of traveling. Not only this, such vehicle also gives more effective time as people should not waste more much time to move anywhere.

Apart from this, there are some huge problems occurring owing to the improvement of automobiles. Firstly, it causes extremely traffic congestion. If people prefer using the modern cars, they will drive these private cars on the streets which affect the long traffic congestion. Secondly, such automobiles produce gas emission. These emissions will reduce the fresh air in our environment, then inevitably a hard disease like ISPA threats human habitats.

To conclude, even though the car experienced an extreme improvement today due to long journey and productive time, I totally believe that this improvement causes some dire effects such as long traffic congestion and minimum fresh air. Where possible, the automobiles factories should produce cars which have little toxin.