justivy03
May 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Solving Sustainable Electricity in California [3]
- Across the word today, global warming, pollution andlackedlack of fresh water'swater issues have been threatened on the existence and development of human civilization. Inevitably, we have to face with the issues if we want to keep our civilization existence and advance. In the other words, I want to present why produce sustainable electricity enough for usage is the most important thing in the word today.I would like to bring to your attention why we have to produce electricity that will sustain the future.
- Nevertheless, the sustainable energy would stop the pollutant by burning fossil fuels and dangerous by usingunclenuclear power.
- In conclusion, I believe that many of f our problems would be solved easily if we can find or produce enough sustainable energy for usage.
Vin, overall your essay is quiet rough, you seem to jump from one idea to the other. An essay should have a smooth flow, it should create a general idea towards the fulfillment of the topic and for your readers to engage to your article.
I have a few points to consider;
- punctuation marks, in an an essay do not use the period like this (...), this is not called for and stating etc. in your sentence should end in a period
- grammar and sentence construction
- word tenses, like if the action is an ongoing issue, use the present tense
- word usage, the use of big words is sometime do more harm than good in your essay, so keep it simple, use words that your readers will understand.
- Proof read and spell check, this two will help you a lot.
Cheers!!!
- Across the word today, global warming, pollution and
- Nevertheless, the sustainable energy would stop the pollutant by burning fossil fuels and dangerous by using
- In conclusion, I believe that many of f our problems would be solved easily if we can find or produce enough sustainable energy for usage.
Vin, overall your essay is quiet rough, you seem to jump from one idea to the other. An essay should have a smooth flow, it should create a general idea towards the fulfillment of the topic and for your readers to engage to your article.
I have a few points to consider;
- punctuation marks, in an an essay do not use the period like this (...), this is not called for and stating etc. in your sentence should end in a period
- grammar and sentence construction
- word tenses, like if the action is an ongoing issue, use the present tense
- word usage, the use of big words is sometime do more harm than good in your essay, so keep it simple, use words that your readers will understand.
- Proof read and spell check, this two will help you a lot.
Cheers!!!