Writing Feedback / PTE - Essay writing practise : Parents should be held legally responsible for their children's acts. [6]

Hi Venkat, no worries at all, we are here to support you in all the endeavors you may have.We aim to provide you with the best feedback and review we can give, as well as encourage you to try different techniques of writing and develop the existing format of writing that you got use to, with the hopes of rediscovering that creative side of you in order to incorporate this in your essay.

Having said that, whenever you're writing, make sure that, first, you understood the goal of the essay, what is asked of you to write about and what will be the focus of the essay, next, make sure that you review the English language rules from time to time, this will not only refresh your memory, it will also give you that much needed reminder on how to use the minor details in the sentence construction as this will have an overall impact in the outcome of the essay.

I hope to review more of your essays very soon and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The Key to Family Happiness is Really Simple [3]

Hi Muhamad, before I give you a few suggestion in enhancing your essay, I must say that I agree, the key to happiness is really simple, simplicity id the key to make life worth living, however, most people doesn't really appreciate simplicity, a lot or most people loves extravagant life, a lot of things left, right and center and even if they think they have enough, they still want more and the more they see material stuff, they want it even more.

Anyhow, please find a few suggestions below;

- This article is made by Amanda MacMilan and talkingit talks about how
- to getachieve happiness in your family.
- relationships with each other
- and also make you feel happier as part of your family .
- However, a new study which shown byshowed that a researcher discovered
- that makes you closer withto your family;.
- makes you feel more happinesshappier and
- it is more effective way rather than taking a vacation together.
- According to Baylor University which doingwho conducted the surveyed forwith several people,
-it isthey found that people who spent
- their leisure time by stayedstaying at home

There you have it Muhamad, I believe there are a few very minor enhancements that should be done in your essay, however, it will be better if those minor details are not in the sentence.

Writing Feedback / Why the letter X represents undefined or an unknown? [2]

Hi Patta, please find a few suggestions the will hopefully be helpful to your revision.

- Letter 'X' is re presented as undefined or unknown. - It something with no definition
- The question is why is this letter
- which isthe representative of the unknown?
- Terry Moore have been explained it by learning - some letters or language from some countries.
- StartingIt started with the Arabic language,
- Arabic language symbols were containinghas mathematic wisdom and then itis translated.
- Next itIt is known as AL Jabra.
- However, one of the problem wasin the Arabic
- symbol is that, it is unpopular in European countries.
- To solve this, Moore said that the Letter 'shin'
- translated becometo 'say on' which
- meant something that it some undefined and unknown thing.
- The word 'Shin' becomebecame 'say on'
- cannot be renderred into Spanish language
- because Spanish speakers find it difficult to say this sound.
- These problems be resolved by using Greek symbol X (read: kai) and then, this letter is translated into English becomeand became X.

There you have it Patta, I hope you follow through with the corrections and though the remarks and corrections in your sentences are minor, they should be eliminated in order to create a well defined and concise sentences.

Writing Feedback / PTE - Essay writing practise : Parents should be held legally responsible for their children's acts. [6]

Hi Venkat, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects. We aim to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will not only strengthen your essay but will also make sure that you are able to develop your writing techniques and discover new ones.

Having said that, please find additional corrections that I would like to suggest for your revision.

- Usually, weWe usually see people
- holding various opinions with regards to the who havehas to take the responsibility
- WhereasHowever , we get to see some other people havehas an opinion contrary to the above one.
- In my opinion, I believe that children's are like a blank state
- and in the developing stages
- parents havehas a greater role and responsibility to play in their children's behaviour and awareness.
- SoTherefore , parents are responsible for their children's actions.

There you have it Venkat, I hope you follow through with the corrections made and for future writing reference, know the right placement or input of the words you choose in your sentences as this will have an overall impact in your essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2. It is generally agreed today that when a country develop its technologies, the long-es [3]

Hi Maxim, if I were to rate you according to how you answered the prompt and the usage of the English language rules and regulations, I must say I will give you an 8, I believe you have answered the prompt properly, your choice of words is of clarity and this is the best thing that you can do when writing an essay, as soon as you understand what is asked of you to write, you will be able to write a very good and comprehensive essay.

Having said that, as I go through your essay, I have a few suggestions for the first and last paragraph of your essay.

First paragraph
- Today, it is generally agreed today
- It is useless to try and remain them currently centralkeep the norms alive .

Conclusion
... that traditional experience and walksnorms of life mightshould remain and be strengthened in order for the next generation to enjoy and rediscover life like the previous generations did .

There you have it Maxim, I hope the above remarks help you with your revision.

Writing Feedback / Give me some advice about How to introduce yourself? [4]

Hi Bambang, below are additional thoughts for your revision.

- Speaker TED-xTED speaker X talked about
- how to be good in introducing your self
- introduction with new personto other people .
- He said, most of people in the world have different
- style selfin presenting themselves .
- Grouping by age , there are many styles self acquaintance with new person.
- I'm not sure what you exactly mean by this sentence, however, I believe you mean this - Factoring the age, there are different styles in getting acquainted with a new person

- For example, the speaker said,
- when he was in primary school they
- introduce their selfthemselves with a stranger,
- he was in junior high school and senior high school. - According to the speaker, that
- In fact, everyone havehas the same pattern
- and meaning on their self acquaintance , and that is bad self introduction.
- On the other hand, the speaker is a

There you have it Bambang, I believe the main focus of your revision should be in the construction of your sentences and making sure that the ideas are transpired with clarity.

Writing Feedback / Congestion and air pollution problems will not be over until the government applies the high tax [2]

Hi Ashela, as I go through your essay, I must say it is pretty comprehensive, you have all the points covered and you managed to voice out your opinions, about the task at hand and this issue is absolutely pressing these days, it's one of those issues that we face everyday and should be taken cared of, yes, there are a lot of issues to tackle, however, it should take priority as it definitely affects all other areas of our economy.

Moving forward, I have a few suggestions for your essay and for starters, don't forget to include the linking verbs into your sentences, as minor as they are, they complete the sentences and this will have an overall impact to the entire essay.

- applies the highhigher tax for the people who
- have more than one private vehicles more than one
- has ever raised the cost of the fuels,
- but the demand of private cars still increasesincreased recently.
- Finland can be a model country which succeedsthat succeeded in solving these problems.

- Most of the developing countries
- face thean increasing number of vehicles
- had tried to set thea higher cost of petrol which
- useless sinceas the residents still afford to
- purchase the private cars even though
- they have to pay more expensive cost to fulfill the need offor petrol.

There you have it Ashela, I hope the above remarks are helpful in your revision and I hope you follow through and try or practice editing the essay yourself.

Scholarship / Leadership may be defined as a position of power held by an individual in a group [5]

Hi Kingsley, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF and I can assure you that we will continue to work with you, develop your writing capabilities and show you what else and how else you can be able to hone your writing in order to come up with an even stronger and well constructed essay and writing project.

Moreover, we strive to provide you with constructive and objective feedback that will help you or rather assist you in your future writing projects. Having said that, we would like to remind you that in writing, you need to start with understanding the prompt or the task at hand, wether it be an analysis or something that is of todays topic, you need to understand it in order to write a good essay about it.

Furthermore, you need to review the English language rules and regulations from time to time in order to make sure that you have the right rules to back you up in your writing.

I hope this insights and reminders help you with your future projects and we will be here for you at all times.

Writing Feedback / Why are group study sessions more helpful and efficient than studying alone? [6]

Hi Rick, thank you for writing back to us and we do appreciate every feedback and words of appreciation are the kind of words that get us going.

Now, to address your concerns, please find my insights below;

1. What is the difference between "Access of" and "Access to"?
Well, the difference is, "access of" is when one has the privilege of using such access and "access to" is when one has the option of using one thing or not, while both has the right to use or enter but they have other options to do so

2. What should I use between "Helpful to something" and "Helpful in something"?
In this phrase, it really depends on how you use it, nevertheless, I believe it will be appropriate to use "to assist or give assistance " rather than the word "help", personally,the word "help" shouts desperation, however, if it is necessary to convey your idea then it will suffice.

3. According to your feedback, you say "this kind of activity is.." needs to be changed to "this kind of activities is..".

Don't people normally use "these kinds of activities are.." or "this kind of activity is.."?
In this area, it should be written, "These kinds of activities are....",again it depends on how it will run in the sentence and the need of the phrase in sending your message across.

There you have it Rick, I hope the above remarks help and do let us know should you need further assistance.

Scholarship / Leadership may be defined as a position of power held by an individual in a group [5]

Hi Kingsley, you know what, I really didn't realize that this is for the Chevening Scholarship until I finished reading the essay, honestly, it looked and felt like an ordinary essay like that of a personal statement which is an extension of an autobiography.

Now, as you know, the Chevening Scholarship is one of the most sought after and prestigious scholarship, therefore, it needs a very strong and straight forward essay.

I must say, your essay is definitely straight forward, you answered what is asked of the prompt and made it known that you are after a position in this elusive scholarship, however, I have a few suggestions for the last paragraph of the essay.

- Chevening scholarship offers me a great opportunity
- the earth and the environment by taking
- masters in this sustainability program. Andand I believe if I can achievein achieving my goal learning about sustainability, it will equip and lead me to be able lead and influence the society into a positive direction.

There you have it Kingsley, I hope the above remarks and insights strengthened your essay and I hope to review your revision soon.

Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: Your Boobs Start to Eat Themselves after Breastfeeding is Over By: Linda Geddes [3]

Hi Fitriani, after reading your essay, it actually made me think of mothers nursing their babies, something that mothers know best and are also doing a very noble act of love, I believe this is one thing that our mothers are the most respectable and possess undying love to us, yes, they may be a pain sometimes and may not understand all there is that we do as youngsters, but hey, they put up with us, in every single way possible.

Now, going back to your article summary, I believe you have made a well rounded summary, as I mentioned, it made me understand the process of lactation, breastfeeding and pretty much the whole process of nursing a beloved child.

It also made me realize that, our mothers definitely had a lot to take to nourish and keep us healthy, I believe this is what most mothers would do for their children and a mothers love is no other love we can ever receive in our lives.

Thank you for understanding the article and effectively summarizing it, it is really very effective. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Why are group study sessions more helpful and efficient than studying alone? [6]

Hi Rick,I'm glad you found this website and as much as you expected, we aim at providing you with the most comprehensive and accurate feedback, in order for you to strengthen your essay.

Having said that, I would like to share that I for one, enjoys group sessions, it does not only help in your studies, it also foster a very good relationship between classmates and friends that will hopefully be a long live friendship,

Now, going back to your essay, I must say you have a logical approach of the ideas and how to properly create a meaningful and easy to comprehend essay, you also focused on the task at hand and this is very important when you are writing an essay. Overall, there is only very minor enhancements to be made such as the one made by another contributor above and I hope you follow through and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Writting TASK II The criminality is one of the crucial problems faced by people recently [3]

Hi Shandy, as I go through the essay, I must say that you are lacking a few linking verbs that can complete the idea of the sentences, not only that, you seem to have a direct translation of your ideas into sentences, though this is good, it can still be refined.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below.

- The criminality is one of the crucial problems faced by people recently. - this is the task prompt and I advise that you paraphrase it further or add a few words to distinguish it from the prompt, see suggestion below;

Indeed, the criminality is one of the most crucial problems faced by people recently.

- that the best way whichto should be taken
- is the legally fixed punishment for each of the crimes
- in order to create thea very strict law.
- Others state that,( don't forget your punctuation marks ) before

There you have it Shandy, I hope the above remarks are helpful.

Writing Feedback / Some parents order their children to work hard for their physical and mental improvement [3]

Hi Timur, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at giving you the most accurate and credible feedback that we could possibly provide, in order for you to have that confidence in submitting your essay.

Having said that, below are a few suggestions for your essay.

- In this periods,allday and age, a lot of people
- want to achieve theirhigher position
- so as to earn muchmore money.
- However,some parents order their children to work hard places
- and it could behowever this could cause their
- of view before coming to reasoneda reasonable conclusion.

- First of all,in thethis world, the most important basisbase is family.
- Nevertheless,it should stand at first stage. Rspecially,children conditions.- I believe this sentences are not necessary
- That'sWhat's more,numerous families
- tend tito order children to
- Honestly,it is a good idea
- Namely,theyThey need to study and it could help free time to concentrate on studying their lessons.

There you have it Timur, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I believe what you need to focus on in your revision is not to put too many words in a sentence, specially if it will not help your essay.

Writing Feedback / 'American dream' Writing a Synthesized Essay, tips, help, guidance or advice? [3]

Hi Danny, first of all, I believe you have understood what is asked of the prompt and the hindrance in you making or creating a good essay is the fact that you are being too cautious in writing or coming up with an essay. You are also using words that are somehow, not so conversational, try to use words that are easy to understand, not only for your readers but more importantly to you as a writer.

For your introduction, say something like what you understand and what you know about the "American Dream", I believe you had done a lot of research and all you have to do is to put them together as you understand it.

Towards the end, when you say "unpack" a quote, what you can do is to analyze and understand your quote, then tell a story about it and what lesson we can draw from it, this should be a lot simpler for you and yo should be able to come up with a well managed and well rounded essay. Remember the simple ones and easily comprehensible essays are the ones that matters most.

I hope to review the full essay soon.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - Google Introduces the Pixel, Its Own Smartphone [4]

Hi Lincoln, below are my thoughts on your article summary.

- Google'sThis is google's new strategy of
- that this projectedis executed to provide
- computers that can understand
- what people are saying and responds conversationally
- It is named Pixel asand is the
- It would be a prospective competitor for

There you have it Lincoln, so far, this is the most straight forward article summary that I have read from you and I can see that you made a lot of progress and I hope this will keep on increasing and develop your technique in writing, not only that, this means that you definitely understand what you are reading, this will help you gain a better understanding on a more complex prompt and you will also see your progress and thats a very rewarding feeling, well at least that's for me, I hope it's for you too. Keep up the good work.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Let's Teach for Mastery by Sal Khan [11]

Hi Yonathan, here's another one from my end.

- model when the teacher gives manyloads of homework
- to students and teachers, judge the student
- based on the score they get.
- order to workers forto build a foundation
- "do it as you can" and, now when the workers
- did not givedeliver the best result, the contractor justcangive a bad score torate them badly .

- Salman Khan stated that, traditional academic
- while in athe base of the pyramid
- there are many people forare forced tohumanunnecessary labor purposes.
- In theThe middle of the pyramid
- and the top of the pyramid are
- consist of a capital owner or entrepreneurs.
- In communication - based era, many people
- know how to operate athe technology or do

There you have it Yonathan, I advise that you consider writing drafts and not necessarily a prompt to answer, this way you will be able to practice writing more and as I keep stressing it and I will stress further, that the punctuation marks, however minor, are very important to complete and give a full meaning to your sentences.

Writing Feedback / The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family [3]

Hi Lina, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review one of your essays and I hope this is just the start of a good partnership, I can assure you, you can rely on us for help and assistance in your writing projects and should you have anything at all, we will be here for you.

Having said that, I would like to share, in line with this particular prompt, that friends and the people around us are part of who we are and what we will become, we learn lessons from them, from everybody that we talk to, people on the street, on the bus, by the cafeteria and pretty much everywhere, we learn from them, it doesn't matter if it's a big lesson to learn or something that will make us powerful, this are lessons that will help shape us to become a good person.

Now, as I review your essay, I must say, you started out quiet strong and this is supported by the succeeding paragraphs, however, the last paragraph did not really deliver, having said that, please find my suggestions below;

- All inOver all, it is unavoidableproven that our family circle has a mainmajor role to teach us about real life for ...
Thus, I believe that for a typical person like me, further learning can be adapted more from friends.

There you have it Lina, I hope the corrections above are helpful.

Writing Feedback / H.A.I.L. - it's the key which opens listeners ears and consciousness for spoken words [7]

Hi Erwin, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope you find this website helpful to your writing projects and we aim to provide you with a comprehensive feedback and constructive criticism in order to enhance your essay and be ready for submission.

Moving forward, please find a few suggestions for your essay below;

- There are four really powerful cornerstones,or foundations,
- that we can standrely on
- if we want our speechvoice to be powerful
- Fortunately, these things spell athe word.

There you have it Erwin, as you can see, the enhancement is very minor, though it will be great if it is perfect, overall, the essay speaks for its purpose and the purpose is, for people, the readers, to understand what we can do to make the world a better place not only for the next generation but more importantly, for todays generation to live a more comfortable and morally able life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary Task U.S. Hasn't Gone This Long Without a Big Hurricane in 150 Years [3]

Hi Dioba, here's another one from my end.

- NowadaysToday , Hurricane Matthew slams
- into Haiti and heads towards the United States, - storm may becomeinitiallyis one tostorm to
- It is become thea record all the time .
- Matthew could become destroy the United States
- Wilma that struck a few states such as Key West and, Florida with a speed
- This is also mean that Matthew has become
- the longest period and the most destructive major natural disaster
- since record began in 1851.
- This is sincedue to the fact that there is a steering currents
- remainedthat is friendly and
- Matthew initially asis a tropical
- or windy rainstorm in the Southeastern state .
- Furthermore, the storm has strengtheningstrengthened in October
- and it is strongest briefly reachat 160 mph.
- For anticipatedTo anticipate and be cautioned as well as toand avoid citizen fatalities,
- the government washas declared
- for South Carolina and North Carolina in a state of national calamity .

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful, as you can see, you still need to focus on the correct form of the words to associate in your essay as well as in completing your sentences.

Writing Feedback / Article Review: Weird Orange Crocodiles found Gorging on Bats in Gabon Caves [3]

Hi Yonathan, below are a few suggestions for your summary essay.

- In part of anthe expedition into Gabon's
- Matthew Shirley realiz ed that crocodiles
- eats many bats that fallingfalls into the water
- the cave walls. With, with at least
- 5 kilometreskilometers of caves to occupy,
- its difficult to precisely know how many crocscrocodiles ( I know this is a summary but you have to refrain from cutting the words ) are in this cave.

- Another discovery, whenis that the
- crocscrocodiles go deeper,
- the older, dark- colou red males had become palergone pale ,
- turning athem into bright orange.
- is essentially an alkaline slurry formed formfrom bat droppings .
- changes its colourcolor. While, while the crocodiles appear to spend the entire dry
- the wet season at least to breed.

There you have it Yonathan, I believe you have a well rounded and comprehensive summary, this only means that you absolutely understood the article and this brings a very effective review.

Writing Feedback / The punishment should be fixed without considering the background of the criminal crime [2]

Hi Bambang, please find additional help below;

- Several humanspeople think of
- that crimes must have punishment
- everytime they are committedcase occuring .
- While others have an opinion that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )the people have
- thea reason for do the crime
- and this reason must havebe considered before the punishment is fixedimposed .
- On the other hand, I am really
-a crime is a negative behavior
- and should be vanished to prevent more criminalabolished in order not to encourage more criminals .

There you have it Bambang, as you can see, there's still a lot of work to be done in your essay, the first paragraph is enhanced as you can see above and I hope you follow through, be mindful with your linking verbs, punctuation marks as well as the form of words as well as how you incorporate them in your sentence. I hope to review the revised one soon.

Scholarship / Leadership is having a clear cut vision and the ability to stir people into achieving the set goals [5]

Hi John, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope this is the start of a partnership that will valuable to your future writing reference, we do aim to provide you with the most comprehensive and accurate feedback in order to create a stronger essay.

Well, you know very well that the Chevening Scholarship is one of the most prestigious scholarship there is and I believe you did your research on how to approach this particular task and what information to associate with it. From what I learned in editing and doing a healthy comparison on Chevening Scholarship, is that, the focus of the essay is on your academic journey and your hunger for greater academic pursuit. Having said that, one of the many good points of your essay is the fact that you are methodically correct, there is a definite logic in the sequence of your story and more importantly, you have included your very own take on JFK's words and this only means that you are following the right path to leadership.

Overall, the essay has a clear cut version of your academic life and you have a goal to pursue and hopefully with the help of the EF contributors and the scholarship, your goals will become reality.

Writing Feedback / Earliest grade students are required to learn foreign language [3]

Hi Sman, I would like to share a few insights on your essay.
First of all, I do agree that learning a foreign language at an early age is somehow necessary. This day and age has proven to be very challenging, competitive to everyone, regardless of the field a child wants to pursue in the future, knowledge of a second language, say for instance English, is of great advantage and will definitely bring a huge relief to parents, knowing that their kids are capable and able to carry themselves in the outside word.

Now, I must say that you have a well comprehensive essay, you managed to raise your points, views and understanding of the task at hand, however, I have a few suggestions on your first paragraph.

- Earliest grade students are required toThe earlier the student learn a foreign language the better they will have understanding and grasp of the language .
- I personally agree with this idea, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) that it is important for (...) to gain impressive competence on its language .

There you have it Sman, I believe you can see that there is a difference in the original paragraph and I hope you find this helpful in your revision and for future writing reference,mind the minor details of your sentences and make sure that they are not left out as they complete the sentence.

Writing Feedback / TED Review:Why some people are more altruistic than others by Abigail Marsh [4]

Hi Yonathan, here's another one fro my end.

- ... an experience when someone saves saved her life,
- and she got curious why someone
- can be more altruist than other people.
- Abigail found something about the brains
- performance which affects people to be more altruist rather than others.

- Abigail started explaining
- about a psychopath's brain,
- the research showed that a psychopath
- IsAre altruist people arethe opposite of psychopath which havewith big amygdala?
- The altruist brain is better at recogniz ing other
- same portion of priority in an altruist mind.

There you have it Yonathan, I hope this helps in your revision and as always, should you need further assistance, we are here for you. For future writing reference,mind the association of ideas that you have in your sentences as this will affect the overall impact of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Recently, many politicians and academician discuss about renewable energy and its benefits [5]

Hi Yonathan, I believe you must've read a few writing projects that answered the prompt and I believe that a healthy comparison will not hurt and this will provide you with the most hands on idea on how to approach your essay and this will definitely help you in creating a good and rather a well rounded essay.

- not be in the government
- of energy instead ofit produced fossil energy.
- of electricity rather than power station ...
- a little percentage of the total energy necessary.

- In conclusions, I agree if the government
- For a recommendation, I would suggest that the government

There you have it Yonathan, I hope the above remarks helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, very minor details should not be neglected in writing sentences and for this particular essay, it's the linking verbs and a few words that may not be the right format, however, they are the right words to complete the sentence and convey your message.

Writing Feedback / Young age around student in primary school is the best time to learn new knowledge [4]

Hi Sari, below is my take on the last two paragraphs of the essay.

- On the other hand, learning a foreign language
- at an early age also has several drawbacks.
- The main drawback is that, children can
- children should focus in building a character
- at this age, it is crucial time to build their character. - Another issue is that children may get confused
- to usewith their mother tongue language - because at the same time they learn
- othera second language so
- Other drawbacks areis that children do
- than their own mother tongue language.

- In conclusion, learning a foreign language
- at an early age can
- giveprovide benefits and drawbacks to children.
- I believe that the benefits in teaching foreign

There you have it Sari, overall, the essay is pointing in all the right directions, it answers the prompt and you have the points to be considered in manifesting those ideas into a readable and easily comprehensible essay.

Writing Feedback / Government should pay more attention to the encouragement in altering the energy resources [3]

Hi Rizaldo, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope that you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim to provide you with the mot accurate and constructive feedback that will help strengthen you essay, in time for submission.

Having said that, I would like to share a few inputs on the last part of your essay.

- By the ruler promotions, - did you mean "the government", when you say "ruler"?

- the tendency of the energy consumption will move to the
- other sectors that generally decrease a myriad
- energy having deteriorated with the natures condition.
- That the government, for example,The government
- energy that triggers a new trend

There you have it Rizaldo, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and overall, you have made your point on this essay, you made sure that your essay has answered the prompt and you have exhausted clarity in conveying your ideas.

Writing Feedback / The authority is required to create publicity for familiarizing renewable sources of energy [3]

Hi Lincoln, below is my take on your essay.

- The majority of people state that the authority - when you say "authority" who are they?

- is required to create publicity for familiarizingto learn about renewable sources of energy.
- I, therefore, agree with the statement
- that, to foster another resources will
- carry a large number of upsideshuge advantage .

- On the one hand. Firstly , the non-renewable
- gas will disappear somedayrun out one day .
- It needs thousands of years to be reproduced.
- In order to meet human'speoples needs,
- people areit is compulsory to move to
- because those could be generated themselvesit is self generating .
- Afterward, theseThese would be more
- accessible also for those who did not have the chance early .
- In addition, the renewable energy is more friendly environmentally friendly which helps to diminish

There you have it Lincoln, I hope the above remarks make it to your revision.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, we live in a highly competitive world, crammed with many challenges and obstacles. [2]

Hi Ivan, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review your essay and for starters, we may not be able to provide you with the IELTS band that you hoped for, however, here's what I can say, I believe you made and created a well managed essay, you used words that are very easy to comprehend and this is very good specially when it comes to understanding the essay.

Having said that, what is noticeable in the essay is also the fact that you made sure that the essay is very relevant to todays world and of significant importance too. Moreover, the logical sequence of the ideas are well incorporated to the essay.

Now, I have a few suggestions on your concluding part.

... to live in - we will see how they will experience lower stress rates and will have more free timebe able to determine how they can be relieved from stress and enjoy life.

There you have it Ivan, I hope the above remarks helped and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be able to help.

Writing Feedback / People have different views regarding the best age to learn new languages [3]

Hi Goldvina, please find a few additional suggestions below;

- On the other hand, gradersstudents studying
- only three or four years in the school even at
- that moment does not properly
- else besides their curriculum subjects( curriculum / subjects - this words are synonymous to each other so you have to choose and not use both of them in a sentence ) .

- ... wants to play, even if there are loose ends.( what do you mean by this sentence? )

- In addition, students of a primary school firstly should
- to learn a foreign dialectlanguage for him.

There you have it Goldvina, overall, the essay is managed well, however, there are a few instances that you translate the ideas literally and the end result is a complicated sentence that may not be good or does not coincide the message you are trying to send to your readers.

Writing Feedback / TED Beau Lotto, the TED speaker, began his speech with a game. [7]

Hi Dioba, below are my thoughts on your essay.

- Beau Lotto, as the TED speaker, beginbegan his speech with a game.
- between surfaces depending on the full
- the light that falls into the eyes is
- Not only that the color of an object,
- between us and the object
- also has an important role in this phenomenon.
- Numerous of aspects can change the
- color of the light that falls onto the eyes.
- The totally difference between both of them is that
- because it is means literally anything.
- Our brain evolved in the mechanisms
- Furthermore, the brain associatingassociated in those relationships with behavioral meaning.

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful and do follow through with the corrections suggested.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task II The internet has transformed the way information [5]

Hi Mathew, as I go through the essay, I must say you have a well managed essay and it is quiet long for the task at hand, however, what I need you to focus on in creating or writing is the words that you associate in your sentences. Makes sure that you ,incorporate words that are easy to comprehend, believe me, reading an essay and understanding it is already a task to overcome and if you couple this with words that are completely out of the ordinary or something that the readers has to look up to get the meaning and understand it.

What I'm trying to say is, you don't necessarily have to put or include words that are not the usual, though, it's not bad to experiment but it will still be great and advisable to stick to the usual words in order to convey the message you are trying to get to your readers.

I hope the insights help and should you need further information, do let us know so we can assist you further, I believe you are able to address the prompt and managed to have a well rounded essay and with the remarks and suggestions above, I hope your revision is a lot stronger than the original one.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - How to Use Google to Plan Your Trip [3]

Hi Lincoln, I would like to share a few insights for your essay.

- travelers planning their trips.
- After setting it up,
- predominant characteristicsfeatures such

- Firstly , reservation shows you the flight,
- and then collectedit into your account.
- SecondlyNext , " things to do" is recommendedto travelers
- toand attractive destination
- ThirdlyLast but not the least , day plans help
- arrangingarrange itineraries. Fourthly,with food & drink it gives you basic
- Finally, gettingGetting around are categorized to
- information includedincluding the costs.

There you have it Lincoln, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the usage as well as the placement of your words as they make up the sentences.

Writing Feedback / Wiriting Task 2: Problems associated with the internet and what solutions ? [3]

Hi Pandai, running through your essay, I must say that you have made a very clear view of your points, points that are worth considering in todays situation when it comes to the usage of the internet, I for one believe that, one must think before they click, once you've done it, you can only delete it, but it will be forever in the world wide web. Pretty much, what I'm saying is, having the power to get connected to almost everyone in the world is a huge responsibility, a responsibility where everybody needs to take caution and respect for ones privacy and right of space.

Now, I do have a few notes you might want to consider in your revision.

- buthowever, it also can cause problems.
- Firstly , the internet, as a way of
- gathering information can be used
- that can harm the user internet .
- For instance, sales mode online that sells
- not accordance withfaulty goods and advertising .

- Secondly , the Internet can cause dependence
- toand one can lose track of time in his life( this phrase is not necessary for this particular sentence .
- if the day just does not usewill come that they loosethe internet connection and for sure

There you have it Pandai, I hope the above remarks help and I left the rest of the essay so you will be able to practice editing yourself by following through the one above.

Letters / Letters of Recommendation from Professors for Obataining LoA [3]

Hi Alfa, I would like to help you out and we're going to do it, one letter at a time.

- X had completed his study at Undergraduate Degree
- at X University with honors .
- He had been active and showing his seriousnessshowed determination and commitment
- during his studiestime with the institution .

- is proven bywith his GPA X of 4.00.
- I believe Mr.X is a great student with greater dreams of higher academic excellence .
- His willingness to strengthen his study is highly
- struggling and I believe he has aspeaks of his capability
- If you areShould you be considering
- him for masters program,
- I would highly recommend him for obtaining the Letter of Acceptance.
- I firmlyhighly recommended
- hope that he will be given youwith favorable consideration.

There you have it Alfa, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I will get back to you fro the rest of the essay.

Essays / An essay about a couple attending their daughter wedding; thesis statement - guy marriage [3]

Hi there Guest, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope that this is not just a chance encounter and will turn into a more reliable partnership, I can assure you, we can help you with your writing projects as we aim to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback to come up with a more confident essay.

Having said that, I believe that this is a more complicated essay that you thought, nowm the best thing is that, you understand what is asked of you and this is a good start, not only that, you made sure that you seek help when things are not really that clear, some people find this quiet impossible or hard to do.

Going back to your sentence, here's what I suggest;

- A majority of parents having mixed feelings at their daughter guy's wedding.
- Majority of parents experience mix emotions in attending a same sex wedding ceremony and it takes a while to get them accustomed to it.

There you have it Guest, I hope the suggestion and insights help in your revision and completion of this essay.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How Playing an Instrument Benefits Your Brain by Anita Collins [5]

Hi Ali, here's another one from my end and I will focus on the last paragraph of the essay.

- instruments is able towill increase the
- more ( I believe, "effectively", is sufficient enough to relay your message ) effectively and
- creatively in both academic and social studyingstudies .
- Thus, musicians often have a higher level of
- interlinkinterconnected tasks

There you have it Ali, I hope the above insights are helpful to your revision. Overall, you have a logical and well versed essay. For your future writing projects, make sure that you have all the points covered and this includes the minor details such as linking verbs and the forms of the verbs itself as this will have an overall impact in the outcome of the essay.

Writing Feedback / The future of early cancer detections - Jorge Soto (Summary of TED) [4]

Hi Ifan, as I go through the summary essay, I must say that one thing that you have to work on is the form of the words you choose in your sentences, sometimes, we are so engrossed in writing about the project, however, you cannot let anything to get away in coming up with a better sentence that will serve it's purpose.

Now, other than this, you know that some of the essays may be a regular writing project and some are one shot essay, so you really have to take caution in your essays.

Having said that, I have a few suggestions for the conclusion of the essay.

- To sum up, thea manufactured technology (...) in terms of avoiding inappropriate analysis. In hope, it willWe hope that it will be very useful tofor the initial diagnosis offor molecular-relatingrelated disease.

There you have it Ifan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.

Undergraduate / Transfer common app essay. I'm a freshman in community college and looking for transfer to UMass [7]

Hi Nha, first of all, in showing your gratitude, to the contributors is a very humble gesture, however, you say, "Thank you for everyones response", and not "respond", you see, as simple as a single word, can actually change the sentence and it has a huge impact to your writing.

Now, as I understand, English is your second language and it's fine, the best thing is, we try harder everyday to get better at practicing the language and as far as I can see, you are doing good in using the language as you have been in an English based and English language focused institution and believe it or not, your essay is also looking great.

Overall, you have a well managed essay, you made mentioned of the points that are necessary to get you the transfer, I mean, I know that I'm not in the position to assess the essay, however, I know that you made sure that the reviewer knows the purpose of your letter. For further revision, though, make sure that you strengthen and lean towards the strength of the new institution you are transferring to and if possible, do not compare but praise instead, let the reviewer know that whatever it is that the previous institution left you, you are grateful.