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Posts by dynaranjani
Name: Dynar Anjani22
Joined: Dec 1, 2015
Last Post: Feb 7, 2016
Threads: 27
Posts: 24  
Likes: 18
From: Indonesia
School: Institute technology of tenth november

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dynaranjani   
Feb 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / ISECG - DOES SPACE EXPLORATION RELATE TO NATIONAL PRIDE? IELTS TASK 2 [NEW]

national pride or international effort?



Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

Space exploration is no longer a mere idea. People now can go back and forth from Earth to space in the light of the advanced technology. However, some people believe that such activity seems to reflect on national pride rather than international effort, while in my opinion, it is more likely to be in reverse.

The early era of space exploration was driven by a space race between Soviet Union and United States. Both countries attempted to maintain their national pride by executing more space exploration projects. However, by 2007, about 14 space agencies from different countries had agreed to share their interests, plans and activities in space exploration together under the name of ISECG (International Space Exploration Coordination Group). This cooperation had proven that the idea of national pride behind space projects is utterly unjustifiable.

The fact that scientists have successfully overcome some major problems associated with space exploration such as equipment and cost, it is predicted that space projects will greatly improve in the future. Recently, more scientists and engineers have been keen on exploiting space in order to find some energy alternatives. They have come up with an idea to mine the asteroids and interestingly, the whole process will be done in the space. Although many people are a little bit sceptical, these scientists believe that such idea will be able to tackle the natural resources depletion in the Earth.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that nowadays space exploration has nothing to do with national pride since the establishment of international organization. This also indicates that more countries are interested in space projects, therefore it is forecast space exploration will immensely evolve in the future.
dynaranjani   
Feb 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - The Most Effective Time for young Pupils to Teach them Foreign Language [3]

To masterING foreign language in very young age is the most beneficial achievement in modern era.

...children have a difficulty to pay more attention on learning TO LEARN second language.
Tips: PAY ATTENTION + TO ; BE PAID ATTENTION + ON

...as toddlers have a great brain PERFORMANCE in this condition MOMENT.

...they lack of abilities to focus on materials.
You do not need 'OF' when you use 'LACK' as a verb. In reverse, you need 'OF' if it is a noun

They will prefer to playing PLAY with their toys rather than studying special language.

They may gain stressful STRESS if parents force them to study.
Stressful is adjective, by the way

To illustrate, my nephew ignored his mother when she tried to teachING English to him by USING picture book.

To teachING foreign language in early age...

..imitate easily new vocabulary EASILY.

..80% OF children in 4 to 8 aged AGES, OR YOU COULD SAY, ..AGED 4 TO 8

..who have more than 10 WHOSE AGE IS MORE THAN 10
dynaranjani   
Feb 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : SPACE EXPLORATION FOR A SOLUTION OF NATURAL RESOURCES DEPLETION [2]

As Earth runs out of natural resources, we have started to look to space for solutions. However, some people argue that this is wrong thing to do, and instead we should look for alternative solutions here on Earth. To what extent do you agree with them? What alternatives might there be to exploiting space for natural resources?

humans require a faster solution than this



Natural resources in Earth seem to run out. Hence in order to maintain the status quo, people are being forced to find some alternatives. While some people believe that space offers many possible solutions to tackle this global epidemic, others are sceptical and argue that energy alternatives can also be found on Earth. And I would personally state that the latter idea is bound to be more acceptable.

It is generally believed that electricity can be used to cease human's reliance towards fossil fuels-kinds of natural resources used by most people. Apparently, this idea has already been executed by one of big American motors companies-Tesla. Martin Eberhard, a founder of Tesla Motors, explained that using electricity as the primary fuel of the electric cars produced in his company is the right solution. It is not only environmentally friendly energy, but also a sort of renewable one. Since humans are able to harness such energy from the sun, it does not need much more money to refuel their electric cars. Therefore, I believe that Earth itself contains dozens types of energy which can be used as the alternatives.

By 2010, scientists and engineers have teamed up to find other alternatives in space. Asteroid mining has become their main focus for this moment. Peter Diamandis, one of the founders of the asteroid-mining company, said that everything people hold on value on Earth, such as minerals, fuel, metals, etc. is available in solar system with literally unlimited quantity. However, this venture seems to carry great amount of money and plenty of uncertainty since space is unpredictable. For this reason, I suggest that they should concentrate on exploiting the Earth where all possibilities are much more promising.

In conclusion, although solar system provides many kinds of energy in near infinite quantities, the cost of its exploitation is relatively high and the time to execute this notion cannot be forecast. Instead, the experts should focus on finding some alternative on Earth since humans require a faster solution.
dynaranjani   
Feb 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: electricity generator using sea waves [2]

... the mechanism of this devices to produce HARNESS electricity from sea waves

..the structure consistS of a chamber, a column and a turbine.

.. that is COMPRISED OF a wave chamber, a column and a turbine.

This room IS connected to a vertical tube with the open side facing up

This emptiness drawS the air flows back into the chamber, causes CAUSING rotation of the turbine TO ROTATE with the same direction as before
dynaranjani   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : MUSEUMS AND HISTORICAL SITES ARE DOMINATED BY INTERNATIONAL TOURISTS [NEW]

Many museums and history sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people why is this? What can we done to encourage people to visit museums and historical sites?

Every country has its own landmark. Obviously, its visitors are those who come from over the world, including local people. But in reality, many museums and history sites are dominated by international tourists rather than domestic one. The root cause of this problem is monotone condition and the most viable solution is adding new features or making a high season promotion.

Local people tend to find that museums and history sites are no longer attractive. By not attractive here, it means local government has done nothing to improve their conditions, such as adding a new collection or a new facility that can attract public's attention. A 2013 survey done in American Museum and Natural History reported that 62% of national visitors did not comeback again after their first visit because the main reason why they visited such museum was to fulfill their curiosities. Therefore, they would rather go to another place where they never been before than make the same visit for the second time.

It is generally believed that government is the one who can raise the number of native visitors in museum. Several approaches, like discounting in high season or adding new features can be represented as the best solution to tackle this problem. Many people are more likely to get bored if they visit the same place with the same condition. A study conducted by student of psychology in Leed University reveals that humans have a high tendency to experience a new thing. Once they have witnessed some events or places in their lives, there is a little possibility they want to do exactly the same thing in the future.

In conclusion, maintaining the same condition and collection in museums or historical sites can result in native dwellers being less motivated to visit them. However, this issue can be overcome by promotion and some new additional features.
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : SOLUTION AND PROBLEM FROM MAINTAINING A SUCCESSFUL WORKER AND HAPPY FAMILY TIME [4]

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

Some people seem to have sacrificed themselves so as to succeed both in work and family. This will be likely to trigger new problems, such as fatigue and the most possible solution to tackle this problem is by prioritizing their desires.

Maintaining a successful work performance and happy family life simultaneously tend to cause fatigue both physically and mentally. Fatigue is when people feel extremely tired to the point that they do not bear doing the same thing anymore. This results in people decreasing health and work performance. Psychologists have found that human's brain is not designed for multitasking job. If they force to do so, a catastrophe may occur.

It is generally believed that making a priority in life helps to overcome such notion. People should prioritize which area they want to focus on and keep themselves to stick with their list. For example, business executives who have already dedicated themselves in work, have confirmed that priorities list is extremely useful to determine which business purposes overrides others. This approach is more likely to be helpful turning them into a real successful business executive. Therefore, I believe that by doing so, people can be well performed in the area where they want to explore more but this does not mean that they have to abandon one of these terms.

In conclusion, forcing ourselves to be better as a family member and a worker at the same will eventually lead to feel a prolonged exhausted since human's body and brain do not support this. Therefore, listing some priorities can be addressed as the best solution to solve this major dilemma.
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 the rate of online sales for several retail sectors in New Zealand [2]

Though it was less favored in 2003, lower than the sale of travel, it experienced the significant rise by 12% in ten years later.
Well.. actually I'm not really sure whether you can use 'THOUGH' or not in the formal writing but as far as I'm concerned that word is normally used in journalism or conversation. I would suggest you to avoid using it. If you have already witnessed someone used it in their ILETS writing and the examiners didn't take it as a problem, then the decision is in your hand

...but in the 10 years to come LATER,...

GOOD JOB! KEEP UP YOUR HARD WORK, BRO !
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : SUITABLE PUNISHMENT FOR DRUG ADDICTS [2]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

This world consists of a dozen ways to penalize a guilty man. This provokes a dissent in a society as everyone has a different point of view. While some people claim that drug addicts should be jailed, others think the best way to get rid of drugs is through rehabilitation. In this issue, I am going to state that I am into the latter idea.

The general view has been that drug addicts should be arrested. By doing so, it is believed that they are able to stop using narcotics. BNN, National Anti Narcotics Agency headquartered in Indonesia, has focused on combatting drug spread by capturing its users as well as the sellers and sending them to prison. This approach has helps government to overcome several problems caused by narcotics, such as crimes and road accidents. However, I argue that such approach is totally ineffective since drug users tend to fall back again into the same mistake after being free from jail.

The other measurement used to punish drug addicts is by treating them in a hospital. This method seems to suit them since it uses psychological approach rather than locking them up. James Gilligan, a psychiatrist and professor, in New York Times explained that a prison should aims to restrain those who are violent, while in a drug case, the best way to help them is by changing their behavior so that they can return to the community. I definitely agree with this kind of punishment because naturally, narcotics seem to suffer a lot from the absence of drugs, therefore, what they actually need is a directive in order to change their reliance towards drug.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that in fact, what most people believe in sending narcotics to jail as the best way is utterly unacceptable. For this reason, rehabilitation is seen to be the most effective method because it is more likely to combine a treatment and psychological approach.
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand - very convenient transaction [2]

A breakdown of proportion of internet-based trade for different four commodities in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013, a 10-year period is presented in the pie charts.

I think you do not need to write both of those timeline in one sentence, choose one

Overall, it is immediately apparent that the largest growth has occurred HAD OCCURED in the film or music sales, while clothes become BECAME the most unpopular products in online shopping.

Remember, this is in past

In 2003, people who bought film or music on the internet shops showed HAD a medium percentage,...

...the rate of books sales had an upward trend, Don't forget to put comma here although in the first...

...in the first year costumers did WERE not interested in this sector...
INTEREST is not verb, and if you put 'ED' in the end of the word, it turns out to be an adjective

Travelers found online transaction WAS very convenient, ...
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1: Annual Energy Usage of The USA from 1980 to 2030 [3]

A breakdown of annual energy usage in the USA measured in Quadrillon units from 1980 to 2030, as the projected year, a half-century period is presented in the line chart.

I think you cannot state two of these timelines cause it will be accounted as a reductant. Better if you choose one of them

Overall, it can be seen that there is an upward trend in the amount of energy utilization of petrol and oil. ALTHOUGH NEARLY ALL TYPES OF ENERGY USED EXPERIENCED AN UPWARD TREND, THE HYDROPOWER FIGURE STAGNATED.

In any case, natural gas and coal energy show similar pattern.
Well.. I think the one which shows a similar pattern is solar/wind and nuclear energy. Hence, I would say 'In any case, nuclear and solar/wind charts show similar pattern'

I'm gonna make new body paragraphs for you since I changed your introduction

By having a different change, almost all types of energy used in America are predicted to rise. The most noticeable change, however, will be shown in the petrol and oil figure. Initially, it stood at 35 qD and in the end of period its amount will jump to around 48 qD. This will by far have represented as the most favourable energy used. In reverse, the figure of hydropower will be stagnant at under 5 qD. Meanwhile, the gap between natural gas and coal consumption is forecast to widen out slightly from approximately 5 to 7 qD. As for other energies, they will have a less marked change in 2030.

There will be an interesting alteration in both natural gas and coal graphs. At the first, natural gas consumption was higher than coal (20 qD) but then, the former energy will be overtaken by the later in the last period with 32 qD. After standing at exactly same point, nuclear consumption increased by 2 qD in 1990, while the amount of hydropower and solar/wind showed unnoticeable change. By 2010, these figures had stagnated. This trend is believed will be continue until 2030 with the differences around 2 qD among them.

Hope this will help you. Don't let your motivation down. Good luck !
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The idea of using information technology to work remotely is partly or totally unjustifiable [2]

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

The advanced technology has changed people's lifestyle. Obviously, this change can be beneficial or disadvantageous. While some people believe that information technology enables many of them to work everywhere but in their workplace, such as home, others argue that this will be pointless or, if possible, a trigger to provoke new problems.

Apparently, parents are the one who will get the most profit from this trend as they are able to take a better care of their children without having to leave their professional job. Recently, about 65% of Japanese, especially those who live in Tokyo, have confirmed that they were overwhelmed by their massive workload and deadline. For this reason, some of their children were lack of attention, hence they turned out to be uncontrollable. Since the introduction of the teleconference-based working trend, Japanese parents claim that they have had much more opportunities to look after their children and witness every single development of them. In this case, I do agree that information technology has simplified people's lives in several ways. However, it seems that such simplicity will result in the revival of some other problems, such as less satisfactory work performance.

Working outside a workplace tends to end up with bad performance. When it comes to work at home, people tend to do it while they do another thing, or this is called multitasking. In fact, it is generally believed that people have a tendency to concentrate only on one thing in particular. Clearly, there comes to some point when their work result will be not as perfect as previously. Psychologists studying the effect of performing more than one task simultaneously on humans' cognition (mental processes) have found that the mind and brain were not designed for heavy-duty multitasking. They add that mental overload can result in catastrophe. As far as I am concerned, people will not able to give their best if they are allowed to work outside their workplace. This will possibly cause an adverse impact on their company.

Although such technology can save people's time in some cases, the idea of using it to work remotely is partly or totally unjustifiable because I believe that people will be not focus on their tasks if they work in a place where there are a lot of distractions. Therefore, its drawback overrides the benefit one.
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. [2]

Take basketball for AS AN example ...

...can only be put through by IN team work

Also, someone will MAKE blunder.
If you search in the dictionary, blunder means a stupid or careless mistake. This will not make sense if you do not use 'verb' prior to that word

I'm so sorry to not continue my correction since I found that your essay is unorganised systematically. Although you have such a great idea but if you do not know how to organise it, it will be really pointless. I would suggest you find some sample answers on the Internet and observe its pattern. Good luck !
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / PLAYING ONLINE GAMES; some people believe it helps to educate children, others argue with it [3]

Some people regard online video games as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the young people who play them. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computer and give your own opinion.

young gamers at risk



More children are getting used to play online games. Inevitably, this results in prolonged debate. While some people believe it helps to educate children, others argue that video games will only bring a drawback for its users. However, I claim that it does have a negative impact on children and more attention should be paid on restricting children for playing such games.

Online video games seem be able to educate children, particularly in term of language acquisition. Mostly, online game producers are headquartered in foreign countries. This results in the choice of language used. Texas Hold 'Em online game, for instance, is invented by group of researchers mostly from University of Alberta, Canada. It uses English as the language of playing. This will benefit children who play it regularly since they tend to learn English at the same time they are enjoying the game. Moreover, this game offers its users with a communication feature which enables them an opportunity to explore English language further. Personally, I stand on this idea but parents should accompany their children when playing some online games as sometimes, they cannot filter which word is more appropriate to use in real life.

Uncontrollable playing online games is more likely to increase a risk of suffering some vision problems, such as: nearsightedness (myopia) or hypermetropia. It is generally believed that computers or smartphones emit electromagnetic radiation through its screen. Sadly, such radiation can impair the performance of children's eyes. Now that computers and smartphones are generally commercialized, many children have started to use it for certain purposes, especially playing online games. This leads them to have some eyes problems. In comparison with children's condition in the past, modern-day children are mostly using glasses. I do agree with this notion and therefore, some measurements should be taken into consideration, perhaps, fixing a schedule when and where children can play online games.

In conclusion, although online games offer a chance for children to acquire foreign language, young people can also be contaminated by inappropriate word used when they talk to foreigners. Besides, young gamers are believed to have a higher risk of vision problems compared to their non-gamer peers. For this reason, parents should minimalize the time children spent for playing games.
dynaranjani   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is a fear about student's adaptation with overseas diets. International exchange in schools [2]

...will adjust hardly for eating menu TO SOME DIFFERENT FOOD TYPES THEIR COUNTRY DESTINATION OFFER THEM SINCE ....

...as an important part in their diet.
I don't know, it sounds bizarre if you use 'part' in this sentence. But I could neither give you another word to substitute it. Anyway, if I were you, I would rather say the purpose of using insects in Chinese food. This can emphasise your example as well

This will be TASTE really unusual for western students.

This causeS such students taking cooking ...

This skill will be much more useful to FOR them later in PROFESSIONAL live.

...a well knowN Indonesian psychologist

... an exchange program is very worthwhile and eclipses any fears about poor qualification.
I think you should reform that bolded sentence, since we only use and, or and but to connect two parts of sentences which are similar in grammatical status. - See more at: learnenglishteens.britishcouncil.org/grammar-vocabulary/grammar-videos/conjunctions-and-or-so-because-and-although#sthash.cFP1w0BP.dpuf

In conclusion, as a student live in a different country, despite the fact that there is drawback in international student exchange.
I'm sorry, I cannot catch your idea in this sentence

...this notion helpS the students improving TO IMPROVE OR YOU COULD ALSO SAY, FOR IMPROVING their capacity especially internationally recognized qualification.
dynaranjani   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The language barrier. INTERNATIONAL STUDENT EXCHANGE. IS IT GOOD OR BAD? IELTS 2 [2]

Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

The language barrier



School seems always come up with a novel program to facilitate its students. International student exchange, for instance, has become an arguable topic to talk about. Although some teachers claim it brings more merit than demerit, others think otherwise. Personally, I would argue that the benefit students obtain from such program will outweigh the disadvantage one.

The most predominant problem students face during the period of exchange is more likely to be language barrier. This is because people in their country destination speak different language. As far as I am concerned, language comprehension is obviously essential since it helps us to communicate with others, particularly local people. Sean Lords, an American English teacher working in Seoul, says that language represented as a huge problem when it comes to go abroad. According to him, people who cannot speak local language may feel anxious, curious and angry at the same time as they do not understand what local people talk about. This may leads them to feel be alienated from society. However, student exchanges will not experience some problems relate to language if they take a course in order to acquire the language spoken in their country destination prior to going there.

The general view has been that students joining this program will be able to have international networking. In this case, they will take a part in several school programs which clearly involving many novel foreigners. For this reason, they will get an opportunity to communicate and share their ideas together and this is extremely good to built up their networking. For example, Nindya Soewandono, my local public figure, often encourages all young people in my neighborhood to get involved in every local events we have because this is a chance to meet and built a relation with others. Besides, we will never know who and how we get assisted in the future. By having an international networking, I believe that a hundreds opportunities will be obtained by student exchanges, especially those which can benefit them tomorrow.

In conclusion, everything is bound to have good as well as bad impact and I think so does international student exchange program. Language barrier, which is issued to be the drawback, is possibly tackled by taking a language course. Therefore, I would suggest that students should participate in this program as it offers a golden chance to expand their network which may be really helpful in the following days.
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : NON ART-SKILLED STUDENTS LEARN HOW TO PAINT AND DRAW [2]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Talent is one of the arguable topics. Some people believe that there is no point making less skilled student learn about some art subjects, such as painting and drawing at school. Instead, children should be encouraged to learn other subjects which they may have more aptitude. This essay agrees with this notion because learning art needs much more time and also can make students stress.

Teaching such students about painting and drawing requires much more time and patience. In comparison with academic subjects, artistic is a skill that not any students have. It is more likely to be a natural ability or a descendant from their grandparents. In the bbc.co.uk, Lachlan Goudie , an artist and broadcaster, often says that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to get to be good at painting or drawing. This proves that learning artistic subjects is a matter of time and it seems impossible to introduce these subjects in a school curriculum. Besides, school representative has to find a competent teacher who is able to teach students and deal with them.

Furthermore, involving students who do not have a related competency in art classes will influence their psychological state. They are forced to perform as same as their fellow friends in something that they are not good at. For this reason, they will find it as a burden and fell under pressure which obviously can make them stress. Kasandra Putranto, an Indonesian psychologist, explains that forcing children to do what older people think is better for them can cause some serious problems, such as rebellion and stress. The best way to prevent is by understanding their desires. Just because they are not good at art classes does not mean they do not have competencies in other subjects. It is suggested that parents and teachers should encourage children to do any creative or practical subjects which can be really useful in the future.

In conclusion, it is utterly unjustifiable that non art-skilled students are forced to get involved in art classes since it brings more harm. It is generally believed that learning art needs much more time and sometimes can make students feel depressed. In reverse, it seems better for them to be concentrated on other subjects they are good at.
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1: Annual Total Passengers in Three Major Airports [2]

..from 1995 to 2000, a 5-year period , It's better to say only one of them

..a minor fluctuate FLUCTUATION of IN THE John F. Kennedy airport FIGURE.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, initially, ... This is reductant, choose one of them

...in the next four yearS at..

..eached a high of AT about 68 million..

Please consider the use of MILLION. If you put after number, you should only write 'MILLION' WITHOUT S'
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : MONEY is an essential motivation at work but not the only one. [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

Money seems have a power to control how people behave. The status quo believes that money is the only motivation people have to stay working in a company for many years. However, I would argue that there comes a point where other factors, such as work atmosphere and passion, override the importance of money in this term.

It is generally believed that people tend to find a job relating to their passion. This is because they are more likely to feel happier and more enjoyable when they do something which they like most. Nicoline Patricia, a well-known Indonesian photographer, in a 2013 interview admitted that she did not get sufficient money during her first shot. This did not slowed down her desire to be professional photographer since money was not what she focused on. She realized that her passion was in photography. For this reason, she has always enjoyed her work and started her day with new motivation.

Having a friendly environment is considered as the second reason why people stand on a company for a long time. This can help them to bear with a massive workload or a difficult time at work. Arguably, employees are forced to be able to perform better with many assignments. It is inevitable that this condition will lead some of the employees to suffer stress. Therefore, the role of supportive co-workers is clearly important. Moreover, Tony Robbins, a British psychologist, explains that being cared for and cared about reflect on human natural need. This can be obtained through involvement in teams at work or through close group of friends. Once people fulfilled this need, they tend not to lose it.

Indeed, money is essential but it does not illustrate the general view about what makes people loyal to their current company for several years. In fact, some little factors, namely supportive colleagues and individual interest, become the predominant reasons why people work in a same company.
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : IS JOB INTERVIEW THE BEST METHOD OF HIRING NEW WORKER? [2]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

Hiring a new worker is one of the most important decisions a business owner will make. This process involves many possibilities which sometimes it can end up as a regret. Although most employers believe an interview is the best solution for this major anxiety, I would argue that another method should be taken into account.

Interview represents as the appropriate method of examining job applicants. Normally, employers are able to predict the psychology state as well as the work performance of their potential workers in the light of interview. The wikipedia.org reported in January 2016 that job interview is considered one of the most useful tools for evaluating potential employees for almost a century. Moreover, an interview tends to benefit the two parties involving since it also allows the candidate to assess the corporate culture and demands of the job. Indeed, this method is utterly justifiable so as to determine the right man for a right job.

Some other specified job opportunities require more specific competence, such as an accountant or an operator of certain machine. For this reason, employers should consider another method of hiring new workers. Ted Karkus, the CEO of Cold-EEZE manufacturer Prophase Labs, in the businessnewsdaily.com noted that employers frequently view candidates in terms of the first impressions, as opposed to matching their strengths with the responsibilities of the position. Therefore, I suggest that an interview should be accompanied by another job test in order to make it worth doing.

As far as I am concerned, finding a candidate who meets the job requirements is the same as finding a needle in a haystack. This means it is incredibly difficult. However, everything will be possible if employers are able to find the best method. Hence, it is suggested that a job interview and a competency test are the perfect combination for tackling this issue.
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : rates of petrol consumption as per incomes characteristics in the US and the UK [4]

The highest percentage among this category is BY FAR the use of petrol, until above WITH OVER 5% of earning. In addition, middle-income earners PEOLE in this country ...

Well.. I think I'm not able to find grammatical error in your writing. Good job
But, I find that you only make a list (solely presenting the data from the graph with a little comparison). You can try to compare between UK and USA instead.

In fact I would like to give you another example, but it is really unfortunate that your graph is not that clear.
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Colour in Ads. Manufacturers and retail companies know how to make people purchase their products. [2]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour.

How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?


Manufacturers and retail companies always find a way to make people purchase their products. While according to them colours can be used to attract more potential customers, I believe that a purchasing decision is made as a result of customers' view about the quality a product has instead of its appearance.

Colours are represented as one of the factors influencing people to purchase something. Arguably, people tend to have their own favourite colours. It seems they are more likely to buy an article coloured in their preferred one. Research carried out by business students concerning this issue proves that colours seem have a huge power to attract customers' eyes. This is followed by the decision of purchasing if they can find an item with their favourite colour. In this case, the use of colours so as to boost the sales rate is sufficiently promising.

The general view has been that quality is what matters. Some people have a tendency not willing to suffer from loss. For this reason, they will more concern in quality. In my local city, potential customers are bound to ask either the performance or the guarantee a certain electronic device has when it comes to shop. This has proven that other factors are equally important.

In conclusion, colour only takes a small proportion in determining customers' decision. As far as I am concerned, people are more likely to buy a product because of its quality rather than its colour. As a result, certain measurements should be taken into consideration in order to meet customers' expectations.
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Undergraduate / UIUC - best fit my ambitions and fulfill my desire to learn the statistics field. Transfer Essay [2]

As data becomes an easier to obtain in today's digital age,... I think you missed a noun here, you should add something after 'an easier', perhaps you could say 'an easier sample to obtain in ....'

... and the professional world of statistics is ARE comparable ...

After all, this is awesome grammatically and you have already answered well what is demanded. Good luck !
dynaranjani   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Super Screen movies adverts - GRE on 3rd Feb, Suggest improvements and rate(?/6) the argument essay. [2]

...is the reason behind low footfall for IN the previous year.

In my opinion, better if this two sentences are placed in reverse. There is no The information about the number of movies released by the Super Screen Movie production company should be added in the memo as the argument is only providing that the reviews are good and footfall is low.

...and therefore the decrease in people going to theaters to watch movies.. this sentence is lack of verb. you can add 'is experienced by this production house', for instance.

Therefore a lot of other factors ... you have already used 'therefore' in previous sentence, perhaps, you can change it into 'For this reason', just to make it sounds better.

Overall, this is incredibly good writing. Both grammatically and logically. Good writing skill and good idea.
Well done.
dynaranjani   
Jan 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - DOES COLOUR AFFECT ON PRODUCTIVITY AND PEOPLE'S HEALTH? [3]

Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals

How true is this statement? How far does colour influence people's health and capacity for work?


Colours have been part of people's lives since they were at a young age. Although some psychologists found that it can affect on the way human feel, this finding, however, is not utterly acceptable. It is suggested that other measurements should be taken into consideration as it seems more important compared to colours.

Colour does not seem affect on workers' productivity. Some people claim it distracts them instead since they tend to get headache when working in a bright-coloured office room. A 2013 survey result about the impact of colour on the journalists of New York Times showed that they preferred working in a plain-coloured room as they are able to perform better in such place. According to them, bright colours have a tendency to make a reflection. Sometimes, this makes them get headache easily. However, I would argue that a high productivity can be achieved if all employees work in a harmonious way.

Similarly, either medical personnel or patients say that colours are less important as patients' recovery does not depend on the decoration of hospital. dr. Agung Nugroho, an Indonesian doctor working in my local hospital, state that patients are more likely to concentrate on their medical treatment rather than enjoying the room decoration where they stay. Besides, colours and decoration have nothing to do with their recovery. It aims only on creating a comfortable atmosphere. Apart from this fact, I personally argue that hygiene and highly sophisticated hospital equipment are what patients more concern about.

The aforementioned evidences show that colours do not play an important role in some cases. As far as I am concerned, employers should be able to create a friendly environment in a workplace and encourage their workers to have a good sense of community so as to boost company's productivity. Meanwhile, some people believe that their recovery depends on hospital hygiene and its well-advanced equipment.
dynaranjani   
Jan 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Modern communication gives great tools to connect people but it's less personal than direct relation [4]

Hey there..

Your writing skill is pretty awesome. You have such an incredible vocabulary range. Your flow of writing is truly understandable. But, I think you should try to do what Wahyu said to you.

Even though you stand for negative side, better if you explain both views. Then you could state your detailed opinion in the conclusion.

And I find that your first reason is a bit out of the context. You are demanded to explain about the confidentiality, but you go too far.

Good luck.
dynaranjani   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1 - HOURS OF EXERCISE AND LEVEL OF ABSENTEEISM (based on a 2012 survey) [2]

A breakdown of the information about time spent for exercising and the level of absenteeism in two different departments of large company based on a 2012 survey are presented in the bar chart and table. Overall, employees in both departments showed the same most preferable hours of working out. Additionally, the quantity of absenteeism in these distinct departments was unsteady.

By far most employees exercised between 5 and 10 hours in both departments. Having a gap by around 2%, the Birmingham department was higher than London one. However, rest of the categories showed some differences. Thirty-five percent of the employees in London department spent less than 5 hours in a gym, while other figure only halved. For two other figures, the Birmingham employees led the trend, but the most noticeable gap was seen in the third one, accounted for 15%.

Twice as many people in Birmingham department went to work than in London one, with 380 per thousand employees. But the quantity of absenteeism between 1-5 days a year in the London department was immensely higher than the other as it accounted for about 594 / 1000 workers. Surprisingly, the over 5-day time off work in former department was not quite as high as in the latter one.




dynaranjani   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Who Should Take Responsibility on Children Unhealthy Lifestyle? [3]

It is true that at this time and ages most adolescents have a sedentary lifestyleS ... Well, I don't know whether AGES can be used in writing, but as far as I'm concerned it is a spoken language. Perhaps, you should ask someone who knows it.

...particularly regard to consuming CONSUME... Tips : TO is always followed by INFINITIVE

...have a big responsibility to reduce FOR REDUCING this harmful manner of life..

..government should be involved and be FORMED AS the stakeholder for solving this problem. Tips : CONJUNCTIONS (e.g. and, or, but, yet) are used to connect two parts of sentences which are SIMILAR in grammatical status. - See more at: learnenglishteens.britishcouncil.org/grammar-vocabulary/grammar-videos/conjunctions-and-or-so-because-and-although#sthash.ErRsENfw.dpuf

..most individuals have the instant lifestyleS, belong to consume INCLUDING CONSUMING unhealthy cuisines MEALS and beverages

...many children TEND TO have a bad habit in consuming sorts of ready-made meals. Tips : AVOID to make a generalisation sentence, such as a sentence which uses 'always, have, are,...', except for a fact.

Tips : It is better to include a SCIENTIFIC FACT in your writing task 2. This will boost your score. Good luck !
dynaranjani   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the percentage of people going to the cinema in UK according to different age groups [3]

A breakdown of the percentage of the people going to the cinema in UK according to different age groups between 1990 and 2010 is presented in the line graph. Overall, UK cinema was dominated by people aged 44-54. Despite of the fluctuation, almost all figures showed nearly same patterns.

In 1990, the middle age people (34-44) and the oldest one stood at fairly similar proportion. This accounted for around 35%, while other age groups were fewer than 30%. By 2010, however, there had been some significant changes. The most noticeable one had been presented in the gap between the age group of 34-44 and the elderly people. It had widened out from 1% to about 8%. Meanwhile, the other figures had showed a less marked difference.

A closer look at the 2000, virtually all categories hit a low. The youngest group was by far the fewest, accounted for more or less 12%. Then, all of them rose significantly until the end of period. But the figure of people aged 24-34 stagnated at roughly 32%.




dynaranjani   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Prediction energy consumption in the USA since 1980 until 2030 [2]

You have such a good ability in writing. Your flow is understandable, your range of vocabulary is large then you present well the demanded task. Well done..

Here, I give you a little advice..

..whereas Nuclear, Solar and HydroPerhaps, you can change those energy with 'other energy resources'. This is done to avoid listing in the writing have been the least energy provider.

To begin, the number AMOUNT (energy is uncountable) energy of Petrol and Oil were stood at 35qu in 1980, (STOP HERE) which THIS is WAS almost double than two source energy else other energy resources, Natural Gas at 20qu and coal at 15qu.

Despite there was a fluctuation in the beginning, Petrol and Oil CONSUMPTION experienced a significant increase in their energy and will expected TO BE CONSUMED approximately at 49qu in 2030.

Followed by ADDITIONALLY, Natural Gas and Coal had almost same pattern. Though ALTHOUGH coal had some fluctuationS until 2010, but from then it started to rise and expected to be labeled off and will finish the period REACH at 25qu unit IN THE END OF PERIOD. However, natural gas rose gradually from 1980 and IS predicted to continue this trend up to 2030 and will exceedING the level of 30qu of energy.
dynaranjani   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the population rate in three different counties of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 [2]

A breakdown of the population rate in three different counties of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 is presented in the line graph. Overall, Washington was an ideal place to live for most people. Meanwhile, Columbia and Yamhill always presented the same population growth.

Initially, more people preferred to live in Washington. Its population reached at 75 thousand and was by far the highest. For the other countries, the population numbers stood at a very similar level, around 30 thousand. However, by 2000, there had been a significant change. A gap between the figure for Washington and other countries widened out from 45 to over 150 thousand. Interestingly, Columbia's population rate had fallen back to the 1940 Washington figure. This was accounted for 75 thousand.

During the timeline, all figures experienced an upward trend. The most noticeable change was seen in the population rate of Washington. It rose significantly to just over 120 thousand in 1970 and continuously jumped over 240 in the end of the period. For Columbia and Yamhill, the population growths always had a same pattern with a less marked gap (15 thousand in 2000).




dynaranjani   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The bar chart presents... TASK 1 - INTERNATIONAL GRAGUATES FROM CANADIAN UNIVERSITIES, 2001-2006 [2]

A breakdown of the proportion of international students graduating from universities located in different Canadian provinces from 2001 to 2006 is presented in the bar chart. Overall, by far the majority of foreign students graduated from universities in New Brunswick. However, in comparison with the number of graduates in 2001, the 2006 figure rose considerably in almost all provinces, but this was not likely to happen in Alberta.

Initially, the percentage of international graduates in New Brunswick stood at 7%. But then by 2006, it had increased by just over 4%. This had been represented as the greatest foreign graduates number in Canada. The lowest, however, had been seen in Ontario. Although the cohort of international students graduating from this province in 2006 showed twofold more than the 2001 figure, this had not sufficiently made it surpassing the proportion in the other provinces.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that almost all provinces experienced an upward in the bracket of non-Canadian graduates. These differences were varies, yet a significant change was seen in British Columbia, when the figure rose from 4.8% to 10.2%. Meanwhile, the number of international students graduating from universities in Manitoba and Newfoundland & Labrador were stagnant for the first and second year, 3.8% and 6.8% respectively. Interestingly, Alberta witnessed a converse trend. At first, it stood at 5.8% and then decreased by 1.6% in 2006.




dynaranjani   
Jan 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Should business executives focus on making money? - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [2]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree?


Carrying on a business is another way to earn a living. While some people believe that business is just a matter of making money and that is why business executives should narrowly focus on this, others argue that gaining money solely represents as a small part of the whole purposes most business officers have. Therefore, I would personally claim that they need to concentrate on expanding their business skills rather than earning much more money.

Business executives are likely to have different intentions when they do a business. However, statistic has shown that 76% of start-ups tend to have a strong desire to make as much money as they could, since they believe that money can make the most important things in life, such as health, family relationships and friendships, so much better. Besides, according to them, money plays a vital role as well in dealing with their business requirements. Some business activities, namely marketing, advertisement and production, have a tendency to use money as the resource. Hence, it is suggested that business people should concentrate on getting much money.

The opponents, however, think that the prime aim of starting a business is to figure out how to make their business able to compete with competitors. Taking Japanese restaurant business in London as the example, there are approximately a hundred of Japanese restaurants in this megacity. As a result, the owners have to find the best way to survive and thrive. Thus, well-organized strategy and the ability to meet market's demand are far more important than making a profit.

In conclusion, although focusing on earning much money is utterly acceptable in term of business, people believe that in fact the main purpose is to prepare their business so as to compete with their rivals. Yet, in this issue I would argue that getting money is a bonus, while business executives should focus on honing their business capabilities in managing strategy and reading opportunities in the market.
dynaranjani   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Do clothes and styles people wear can define their characters? [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Fashion has become a part of people's lives. Therefore, it is believed that fashion can tell someone's personality. Yet, others argue that clothes do not represent who the wearer really is. As for me, I think that the notion of judging people by their clothes is totally unjustifiable.

In some cases, outfits and styles people wear define their characters. Although some people remain to deny this issue, the status quo has proven it. Pink color, for instance, tends to be identical with women in general. Ben Holcomb, an American fashion enthusiast, says that one of the most fundamental reasons why men avoid wearing pink-colored clothes is because they are insecure wearing the color and feel it reflects their sexual orientation or degree of masculinity. According to his online survey, about 87% of women agree that they are not so keen on watching their couples in the pink as they do not want their boys labeled as effeminate. This common fact has explained briefly that, consciously or not, clothes-based stereotyping is subtle in society.

On the other hand, the opponents claim that dress does not dictate individual character. In order to tell someone's character or personality, people should go further rather than solely examine the way that they dress. A study in physiognomy - the idea that people can tell someone's character from their facial appearance - carried by Anthony Little and David Perrett, British psychology students, proved that there was a link between facial appearance and personality, even though this can be only applied to some extreme personalities, such as extroversion, conscientiousness and openness. Interestingly, Little and Perrett's study used mugshots instead of live subjects as their objects. This has successfully revealed that clothes have nothing to do with personality. Hence, the issue of judging people from their fashion and styles is utterly unacceptable.

In conclusion, while fashion-based stereotyping is likely to be common in society, in fact, personality people have cannot be defined by their looks. However, I think that rapid judgment is a kind of inappropriate behavior which people should avoid as appearance sometimes can betray a personality.
dynaranjani   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Electric-based media affect negatively on interpersonal relationships if not used wisely [2]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Since the revival of the advanced technology, electronic media have being produced massively. More and more people are using such media today. Apparently, not everyone agrees that these kinds of media give a good value in their lives. While virtually people argue that they have a dire effect on personal relationships with others, the opponents believe that electronic media are the best solution so as to cope with a problem of social relationships they face. However, in my opinion, those media enable people to communicate more easily and efficiently.

Electronic media influence people's lifestyles in different ways, particularly in human relationships. Some people claim that their relationships towards each other turn to get worse since they use those media. Dr. Alex Lickerman, an American internist and psychologist, said that electronic-relating engenders a sense of social isolation. This is because people tend to spend much more time cuddling with their gadgets than socializing inter-personally. As for internet-connected media, he cites that they are a poor form of communication device since they do not offer sensitive or satisfying emotional connections among their users. Hence, the use of electric-based media changes personal relationships between people.

On the other hand, others think that such media have given a rise to make them keeping in touch with their relatives and friends. According to these people, electronic media, especially the internet-based ones, provide them a limitless communication and have successfully helped them to overcome some relationship problems due to a busy tight schedule. Paul Booth, an assistant professor of media and cinema studies in the American College of Communication, concludes that people actually are becoming more social and more interactive thanks to those types of media since they do not need to go and see their friends in person when they want to communicate each other. Therefore, the notion of electronic media use gives a drawback on the human relationships is unjustifiable.

In conclusion, it is clearly stated that electric-based media affect negatively on interpersonal relationships. However, I personally stand on the other people's side who feel that their relationships become closer as they can communicate and socialize each other wherever and whenever they are. Yet, I suggest that people should be wiser in using such media, including where, when and whom with they can communicate using those devices.
dynaranjani   
Jan 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / HEALTHY LIFESTYLE IN THE MODERN WORLD TODAY - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [NEW]

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Being healthy is a matter of option. This notion turns to be difficult for some modern-day people. Yet, the opponents argue that it is easy to maintain health if people are willing to do so. It is suggested that people should start to change their lifestyles by finding the most enjoyable steps so as to feel ease and relax.

Apparently in this contemporary era, having a healthy lifestyle is easier said than done. This trend is likely to be caused mainly by a change in the dietary habit of most people. Take United State as the example, since the ever-growing of the fast food restaurants, such food has long been a staple of Americans' diets. A 2013 survey held by statista.com revealed that there were at least 232,616 fast food establishments in U.S. Dr. Travis Stork, an American physician, says that two out of three Americans are overweight and have a difficulty to stop their sedentary lifestyles due to the widespread of these restaurants. Therefore, virtually people claim it is terribly difficult to live healthily in this developed era.

Apart from the previous discussion, others believe that being healthy starts from themselves. If people have a strong commitment and motivation to stay healthy, then everything will seem easy. Recently, Jillian Michaels, a retired fitness expert and wellness coach, has just finished publishing her book about five simple steps to be healthy. She cited in her book that living healthily is easy and do not require an extra effort to do so, since they only have to make up their mind and set some attainable goals for short and long term. After that, they can just start to work out and willing to do it continuously. Hence, it is proven that being healthy is easy to achieve.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although living healthily in the advanced era is not at all easy for some people, others think conversely. As it comes from ourselves, people should have a great motivation and a willingness to maintain it. Moreover, they need to find a healthy lifestyle in their own versions in order to enjoy its process. It is imperative that staying healthy is another way to be happy, therefore it is better to start as early as possible.
dynaranjani   
Dec 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / Effectiveness through divided assignments in a group study vs comfort of learning alone at home [3]

Task demand : Some people think that it is more effective for students to study in groups, while others believe that it is better for them to study alone. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are many distinct ways in teaching learning process that are usually used by most teachers. However, it seems that not all teachers know which methods are the best for their students. While some people believe that students are likely more understanding when they study in groups, others think that they are better to study by themselves.

According to the pros, by having a group of study , students tend to have more encourage in studying. This is because through this method, aside from their discussion that they may have during study, they feel that they are not alone and can prevent them to fall asleep while studying. Moreover, they also feel more comfortable to give their opinion, in which they usually do not have a power to speak up when they are in a class. Above all, study in groups is more effective since they can divide their assignments with their friends and this will give them a space to rest or to do other activities. Hence, study in a group is the best method for students.

On the other hand, the opponents claim that study alone is better because in their opinion, not all students can study in a group. Some students must have a study pattern that is different with the others. For example, for studying math, physic or other counting subjects, virtually students will feel more comfortable and feel easy to understand it if they study while listening to music. In contrast, other students perhaps have other strategies to make them comfortable in learning that kinds of subjects. Therefore, it is better for them to study alone based on their behavior and habit.

In conclusion, it is no doubt that these two different methods have same purpose which is to make students become smarter and I think that it depends on each of them. Teachers and parents should let them to choose it in a freedom way as they are the one who will do that.
dynaranjani   
Dec 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK 2. Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done? [5]

Hi you,

Perfect. I think you make no grammatical error.

But, it seems that your example in the first body paragraph is not strong enough. Here, you should give a concrete example representing the increase of crime rate in the big city which is caused by incapacity of competing with other people, while in this essay, you just mention the solution.

I think it is better for you, if you give the actual condition of the rising crime rate and afterwards, you explain about the idea in remedying this problem.

Overall, good job. And the conclusion, it gives an assertive impression for the readers.
dynaranjani   
Dec 9, 2015
Graduate / Requesting a short evaluation of Letter of Motivation for Chalmers Univ. [4]

Hi Debasish..

It is such a good writing and you just have answered the most essential question in writing of the motivation letter.
The idea is well-explained and its flow is extremely easy to understand. However, I think that it is better for you to not mention all of your responsibilities when you worked in this letter, just state that you had worked in Siemens and what have you learned there. No need to go in detail in this part.

On the other hand, you can give the detail information in your CV.

Good luck !

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