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Posts by Bunglon11
Name: Hadi Kuncoro
Joined: Jan 18, 2016
Last Post: Mar 6, 2016
Threads: 28
Posts: 31  
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

Displayed posts: 59 / page 1 of 2
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Bunglon11   
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Give suggestion: can clothes indicate human's character? [3]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


In this contemporary era, fashion plays an equally important role for a physical appearance of people. As such, some people believe that what people wear is related to their character. However, others argue that people should not be judged due to their clothes. This essay will discuss both views while I personally believe that the dress style has a link to human personality.

Having said that the clothes people wear can not indicate who they are because the human's character can not be easily measured by merely seeing their style. An army, for example, may have the same uniform with others, but it cannot indicate how they behave. In addition, nowadays, the big criminals like corruptors are people who wear the best style in their dress, but unfortunately, their actions are not shown their personal character. However, on the other hand, I argue that people style can indicate their characteristic.

Apart from this, it is true there is a relation between what people wear and their personality. To begin, a recent study conducted by Harvard University in 2002 showed that the clothes people wearing indicated their behaviour and their interest related to how they behave. Not only this, people who always wear clothes of the same colour are able to be indicated what is their favorite colour. Moreover, football club's fans are more likely to wear their favorite clubs' jersey means that they tend to show their interest. Furthermore, in my opinion, I highly likely agree that people character can be assessed by what they wear.

To conclude, while some people believe that judging people cannot be measured by their clothes, I do believe what people wear tends to indicate their character.
Bunglon11   
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The recruitment of the new two-language teachers among the recently graduated people in Ontario [2]

Hi Linda91 Let me check your essay

this is another intro:
A breakdown of percentage of new language teachers recruitment in Ontario over a 6-year period from 2001 to 2007 is presented in the line chart. Overall, It can obviously be seen that there was a trend change over the period. While recruitment of English teacher experienced a decrease in the last period, French teachers recruitment tended to rise.

... recruitment of 2 language teacher with the new graduated requirement in Ontario (...) by percentage of the first-year teacher with constant teaching jobs ...
Overall, it can be seen that EnglishFrench teachers showed an upward trend, but FrenchEnglish teachers recruitment saw a downward trend. (Observe carefully before writing, wrong analysis influences your score )
Bunglon11   
Feb 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Businesses ought to concern of attention on their activity due to their aim related to profit [2]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree?


In this competitive era, the main aim of businesses is pursuing the profit. As such, business makers focus on their business plan rather than other objects. On the other hand, I personally believe that there some aspects should be paid attention by business makers prior to earning profit.

Having said that business keepers pay more attention to their business as the main target of business in this modern era is to earn much profit. This is because business makers must maintain their business in this competitive era when many others take part in the same track as a rival. For example, the profit that company obtained is used to pay their employees with the good salary. Moreover, a businessman have to recoup their capital and also can be used as the capital for extending businesses.

Apart from this, there are some aspects should not be completely neglected. Initially, business makers should be aware of their products. Besides the profit, a company should offer products with the best quality in order to increase costumers' satisfaction. Not only this, companies are supposed to give the good service because it tends to maintain the loyalty of customers who can affect the appraisal from customers of the company. Eventually, the businessmen should also provide the new job opportunities for the local society surrounding their business place.

To conclude, it is said that entrepreneur ought to concern to their attention on their business due to their aim related to profit. While some people believe that it is true, I personally disagree and I highly likely argue that some aspects should become a consideration for businessman beside only earning money.
Bunglon11   
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Two different surveys - which communication skills in internal and external jobs are essential [NEW]

The table below gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

A comparison of percentage of the result in two different surveys about which communication skills in internal and external jobs are essential in the workplace in two different years between 1997 and 2006 is presented in the table. At first glance, there was an essential skill for each internal and external jobs. While in external, the essential skill was dominated by dealing with people, listening carefully to colleagues was said as the most important skill in internal company.

The first survey in 1997 showed that sixty percent people said the most important communications skill needed in external is dealing with people and in contrary, selling product was said as the least communication skill needed in the external jobs, at 24 percent. This percentage increased slightly to 65% in the next survey in 2006 while selling product skill decreased. Others skills such as knowledge of particular products or services and advising or caring for customers or clients experienced a rise in this survey, from 35% and 36% in 1997 to 41% and 39% respectively in 2006.

Moving to internal jobs, the essential communication skill was listening carefully to colleagues during twice surveys in 1997 and 2006, 38% and 47% serially which was followed by instructing or training people at the second skill according to answers, at 25% and 30% in the same period. Other skills like persuading or influencing others, making speeches or presentations analysing problems together with others, and planning the activities of others are believed as others communication skills in internal company with the percentage under 30.



  • survey_communication.jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Four crucial components of the wind turbine and how this machinery works in the optimum places [2]

Turning to the first picture (you have mentioned in your introduction about the design, it is better if you start from the design, picture is not suitable ), a component which becomes (...) is blades made byof fiberglass or wood.

A generator also has a role as a power producer, ...

... there are three places where the turbine can produce maximum energy (only one place in the diagram ).
Bunglon11   
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Process of Air circulation in a house when the heat is lost [2]

The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.

A process of the air circulation in a house when the heat is lost and the fresh water gets into spaces in the house is illustrated in the diagram. At the first glance, it can be seen that the heat comes out from the home through the ceiling while air from outside gets into the home by a door as the main entrance and some ventilations.

According to the diagram, the heat losing process happens because there is air circulation in the home. Air leaks into the home through several ways. The biggest is from the door and window as the main entrance. Also, kitchen fan vent and dryer vent supply a plenty of air into spaces in the room. Other places, a small quantity is from electricity outlet and outdoor faucet in the crawl space.

Furthermore, heat air releases out home from various places on the ceiling. The first, hot air exits from the rooms through attic hatch. The second, in different places, heat evaporates out home passing the recessed lights in several rooms. Eventually, bathroom fan vent and plumbing stack vent are other media which are passed through by heat air to go out from the home.



  • Air_circulation.jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Results of surveys about workers' relation with their supervisors and their colleagues [2]

The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationship with their supervisors and their colleagues.

A comparison of percentage of the surveys' result about workers' relationship with their colleagues and supervisors in 2005 and 2009 is presented in the pie charts. Overall, there was an increase in the very good rating levels of relation employees with others. However, the percentage of relation between co-workers and colleagues is higher than their relation with supervisors.

According to the data, the result of the surveys in 2005 showed that 61% percent workers had a very good relation with their supervisor even though it was more less than the relation with colleagues at sixty-three percent. In the same period, 26% and 28 % employees said "good" for their relation with their co-workers and supervisor respectively. A very small number people (under 10%) argued that their relation with both supervisor and their workmates was weak.

The second survey in 2009 presented an increase in the relationship of employees with others. Sixty-five percent workers said their relation with their supervisor was very good followed by 22 % who gave a good rating for their relation. Compare to the relation with the colleagues in which it showed a significant rise in this year, rose by 7% to a seven in ten (70%), and a decrease 3% from 28% to 25% who said having good relation with co-workers.



  • relationship_of_work.jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Level Education of Bulgarians people who live in abroad [2]

The chart below gives information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006, and 2008.

A breakdown of percentage of the level education Bulgarians who visit and live in abroad in three different years in 2002, 2006, and 2008, is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, the most obvious piece of information was that there is a change in the trend of level education Bulgarians who live in overseas. While secondary level decreased slightly, the percentage of primary and lower education rose extremely in the last period.

According to the data, the level education of Bulgaria's inhabitant who live in abroad was dominated by secondary education, which stood at 65% in 2002 and was followed by both primary/lower education and higher education, respectively 18% and 17%. Interestingly, 2008 showed the significant change in the pattern. While both secondary and higher education experienced a decrease, the Bulgarians who have primary and lower education increased dramatically, rose by nearly a third (32%).

Moving to A more detailed analysis, the percentage of the higher and primary level education showed a slow rise over a 12-month period in 2006, serially 20% and 19% followed by a slight fall from 65% to 61% for secondary education level. Uniquely, both higher and secondary experienced a decrease, each at 9 % and 59% when a significant increase was shown by percentage of primary and lower education level.



  • Bulgarians_level_edu.jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is argued that besides the benefits, media can bring a problem in a relationship between couples. [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.

To what extend do you agree or disagree ?


In this modern era, electronic media plays an important role for communication. However, It is argued that besides the benefits, it can bring a problem in a relationship between couples. In this case, I personally believe that the media is more likely to lead the relation becoming closer due to intensive communication even though possibility to make affair is inclined to happen for some reasons.

Having said that the presence of electronic media tends to improve the relationship becoming closer. This is because the electronic media provides the intensive communication due to inventions such as phones and computers connected to WIFI. These devices are more likely to maintain the communication which is able to break the distance, and control each couple. For example, Phone or laptop connected to WIFI can be devices to know information or pay attention each other. As a result, the relation is bound to be closer than before.

However, the tendency of cheating between the couples owing to electronic media should not be completely neglected for some reasons. Firstly, electronic media connects people to everyone that is able to give a chance for a mate making affair. Also, electronic media cannot be representative of feeling. Most of people tend to need more attention directly than by the electronic media. Not only this, this device is more likely to influence people looking for another one who is able to make deeply relation.

In conclusion, Using electronic media tends to lead relation facing problems. While it is argued that it gives an occasion for every mate looking for another couple, I personally believe that electronic media is able to be tool to connect and control each other by intensive communication
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Survey happiness in different age groups and the effect of the presence children, give suggestions [2]

The charts below show the results of a survey on happiness ratings for married and unmarried people in the US, and the effect of children on the overal ratings of married couples.

A breakdown of percentage of the survey on happiness ratings between married and unmarried people in four different age groups and the effect of children in a married couples is illustrated in the bar graphs. Overall, the most obvious piece of information is that the most happiness trend is experienced by the married couples. While the highest percentage is hold by 18-29 age group, having children under 18 is the most influencing happiness in a family.

Standing at 45%, the age group 18-29 of married couples is the highest group feeling happiness. Both groups aged 30-49 and 50-64 said that they felt happy after getting married and the data shows balance percentage in 44% followed by survey on people aged 65 over, 40% of them said that they are happy. Compare to unmarriage people groups, the result of the survey explains that 21-22% percent people aged under 65 feeling happiness. Interestingly, the percentage increases dramatically when the survey was conducted to people aged 65 and over, which rose by 34%.

A more detailed analysis shows that 44% happiness in a family is influenced by having children under 18. However, the survey results that the happiness decreases when children have been growing up to aged more than 18. Uniquely, 43% couples said that they are happy even though they have no children.



  • happiness_in_family..jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Does modern world tend to lead people easy getting health or reverse? What is the cost of it? [2]

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


It is argued that in the global era, it is hard to get a better way of life for people in the world. On the other hand, some believe that healthy and fit are easily gained as long as they want due to the development of technology. This essay will discuss both points of view.

With regard to the first view, it is true that healthy lifestyle is difficult to be applied in the modern era. This is because the healthy lifestyle is related to food nutrition and physical exercise. This era, most of people spend their time in the workplace means that they have less time for doing exercise or sport even though it is needed to maintain their fit. Moreover, food sources contain the chemical substances due to the planting process using chemical fertilize. As a consequence, those tend to lead the impact for a human body.

Nevertheless, others argued that healthy and fit easily to be obtained because of the presence of technology. Firstly, the advance technology provides some facilities for people gaining their health such as run track machine that can be used at home. Also, the development of medical and healing technology have been found to help people solving their disease. Not only this, the discovery of diet nutrition and medicine are able to complete the vitamin and nutrition for human body to get health.

Furthermore, in my point of view, in this contemporary era, human lifestyle tends to lead people living in unhealthy environment where many sorts of disease threaten human health. On the other hand, the development of technology provides better medical treatment tools which can help people solving their health problem. Therefore, people should be aware of the change in their environment and should maintain their fit.

In conclusion, that is stated that healthy lifestyle in the modern era can be easily reached by everyone. While others argued the reverse that healthy lifestyle is an expensive one, I personally believe that modern life tends to lead people to be aware of their condition.
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rewrite : A turbine design and three different locations to be placed, check my writing [2]

The diagrams below show the design for a wind turbine and its location.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


A breakdown of a detailed wind turbine design and three different locations to be placed is illustrated in the diagrams. Overall, a wind turbine consists of several parts, which has their each function and there are three locations where the turbines can be constructed. While the highest power is on the hill, the lowest is next to houses as a domestic turbine.

The design, a wind turbine feature consists of blader made by fibreglass or wood, a steel tower, a wind sensor, a generator, and a computer control system. Each part of the turbine has a function such blades as a receiver of wind. Then, wind sensor acts to detect speed and direction which is followed by a generator as a power producer with output 1,5 megawatts of electricity. Moreover, another component is a computer to control the system and receive information from the sensor. All parts are combined to construct a wind turbine.

Moving to the locations, there are three different locations where the turbines can be established. The first, on the hill, in this place the maximum wind strength can be obtained. The second, it is in the sea where landscape does not spoil the process in order to receive the wind source, and another place is around the houses as a domestic turbine that is able to produce 100 kilowatts electricity.



  • Untitled.jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : Working after school before studying at University - education and career consideration [5]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.

Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.


It is suggested that involving in a job for several years after school bring the benefits for a student before enrolling at a university. While this idea tends to bring the advantages for students such as a work experience and financial, I argue that there are some disadvantages as the drawbacks.

It is true that there are some benefits for students who work before entering university because they tend to obtain the experience in their workplace that can help them to choose the program related to the job that they ever did. A case in point, in my own experience, my previous job in psychological service center assist me to make a decision prior to enrolling appropriate program in university due to my occupation experience. In addition, the students who ever became an employee tend to be independence means that they more likely to appreciate their activities without depending on other people. Moreover, they can be aware of their financial where they never ask their parents as far as they did before when they had a job. However, there are some drawbacks from this case that should be considered.

Apart from this, there are several disadvantages for students who take a job in their range time after finishing their study of senior high school. Firstly, they are bound to lose their chance to obtain a better education that has been linked to a well-paid job. In this case, a higher education is related to well-paid job and career improvement opportunity. secondly, a long-term period without interacting with scientific books can reduce student's response about the scientific source. Eventually, another problem is that some universities sometimes have a limited age for a new student who wants to enroll in their university.

To conclude, taking a few years job for students before applying university is inclined to provide some benefits. However, the disadvantages should not be neglected. As a student, I believe that everyone has their own consideration before making a decision related to their education and career.
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dress smartly in Organisations - is the work goal more crucial than the physical appearance? IELTS 2 [2]

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


In this contemporary era, fashion plays an equally important role in the workplace. As such, many companies require their workers to wear the fashionable dress. However, others believe that the work goal is more crucial than physical appearance. This essay will discuss both views while I personally believe that person's appearance is more likely supporting their work process.

Having said that the quality of work is more important in the workplace. This is because the competence of employees is needed to finish their work and pursue their target related to the aim of the company than their appearance. To illustrate, a labourer in the workshop does not need a good dress style in order to repair a car's machine, but their skill is more important in this situation. However, on the different side, I believe that physical appearance plays a significant role.

Apart from this, the fashionable appearance tends to consider the result of work. Clearly, fashion style is able to attract customers to believe in workers of organisations. For example, a bank accountant is required to wear a good dress in order to serve customers. Not only this, the good fashion can improve the employees' confidence to perform in public such as meeting with clients. Moreover, physical appearance has a linked to a personality in order to influence people's behave. Furthermore, in my view, besides the ability, I highly likely argue that visible appearance can encourage improvement the work result.

To conclude, while some people state that work quality is more important than style in appearance, I personally agree that dress style has a link in order to improve the quality of work.
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Developing of medical system in many sides keep people healthier and their life expectancy is higher [5]

Hi Adie, I do agree with Carol and Vangiespen, you have to make clear your outline, it will help not only you to guide your explanation in the next paragraph but the readers will easily understand what you are going to explain in the following explanation.

... long life age make new chance which they have a very productive age's is (double verbs ) very important for ...

Be aware of your grammatical error and your spelling. hope it helps
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Line graph - spending much money on buying books [3]

The line graph highlights the percentage of citizens aged 65 and over from 1940 to 2040 in three different countries from 1940 to 2040 . In commonOverall , it is obviously seen that the proportion of elderly in Japan,... (better if you explain two sentence here, e.g: There are upward trends in the number of elderly in all of countries. While in the first period, USA showed the dominance, Japan is predicted increasing dramatically in the future surpassing USA )
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Public museums and art galleries will not be essential since such objects can be seen on computers [4]

Hi Putri22 let check your essay

To begin, it is obvious that museum is one of the places that can attract either local or international tourists in a country.(it will be better if you give an explanation here to support your statement before giving the example )

This immense number brings advantages for the countries, especially regarding their national income.
... cause the countries experience a drop in their income from the tourism sector.

you have a well-organized essay, be aware of your explanation. hope it helps, thanks
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is it true that public libraries are not necessary since new technology can replace their functions? [2]

The role of maintaining public libraries is widely debated, withby some people who claiming that it is not necessary as ...

To begin, the enthusiasm of reading a printed media is still immensepopular in the society .
... in the whole world even though e-books have been existed.
They also do not like reading from a screen.(It is better if you give more explanation here, or support an example to concrete your idea)
Bunglon11   
Feb 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Healthcare, lack of money, school for kids - the percentage of problems facing by immigrants; IELTS1 [6]

Hi @anita11 let me check your essay

The bar chart reveals the percentage of problems, facing faced by immigrants, in three different age groups based on the age . Overall, it is obviously seen that the majority of people, who decide tolivinglive abroad, has to overcome the problems ...

I have a model if your are keen

A breakdown of percentage of integration problems faced by people in three different age groups who live abroad is revealed in the bar chart. Overall, it obviously can be seen that there are three main problems faced by all age groups. while the main problem of both group people aged 35-54 and over 55 is healthcare, finance problem is the biggest problem for young people.
Bunglon11   
Feb 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learning foreign language is an important foundation for the future - preparing for the entrace exam [4]

Hi @Vi Sa let me check your essay

... a country who will take responsibilityreponsibility for developing the country.
... a result, that knows one foreign languagelaguage means human find it ...
... children are also taught about a culture of that country, so they ...

I have read your essay, you should enlarge your ideas, such as:
1. Main idea, explanation or supporting idea, example, effect or result or concession, and.
2. Main idea, supporting idea, explanation, supporting idea 2, explanation, supporting idea 3

I hope it helps

Bunglon11   
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media has a crucial role to persuade people to watch their program - what is proposed in TV nowdays? [NEW]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or football players. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this contemporary era, media has a crucial role to persuade people to watch their program. As such, media has paid more attention to famous people's lives and relationships like celebrities, sports players, or singers. While some people argue media should report the ordinary people in order to show their lives, I personally believe that publish both of popular persons and ordinary people can bring benefits for audiences due to special unusual activities.

Having said that media tends to give more attention to famous persons because it is related to attract the audiences who have been linked to benefit. The media earn a lot of profit when their program has many watchers. A case in point, TV show of Raffi Ahmad tends to attract many people to watch his relationship and life. The producer said in an interview that it is bound to earn money when this TV show is always published. Similarly, the report of football player such as Messi leads people to enjoy their watching because media tries to reach plenty viewers to enjoy that station which provides information in order to increase their company.

Apart from this, the necessary of audiences is not only about celebrities lives. Therefore, media should report unusual activity such as lives of ordinary people. Firstly, most of the audiences are more likely familiar with celebrities lives. It will be different when they watch program which shows the realistic life of ordinary people such as a struggle of farmers to earn money not like celebrities. Not only that, media should facilitate the newest information about world condition such as a war in Syria or Palestine. Moreover, the poverty in local environment can be a useful issue that should be published by media in the public.

To conclude, media is the update information tool in this modern era. Because of this, media should provide the newly news, not only famous people but also ordinary people thanks to their lives. In this case, I highly likely believe that both information can help people to obtain more information surrounding them.
Bunglon11   
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media should have a duty to publish only verified information and focus more on the important news [4]

Hi ADIE08 Let me check your essay

NowadaysIn this contemporary era the media such TV, radio, and newspaper spend much time...

First and foremost, medias should have a dutyresponsible to give each information in public ismatched which is not only one side.

I have read your essay, you need enlarge your advance vocabularies to support your essay .
Bunglon11   
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Number of graduated students hired as English and French teachers in Ontario City [2]

Hi Anita11 let me check your essay

A breakdown of the percentage of teacher's recruitment in Ontario City according to years of graduation from 2001 to 2007 is illustrated byin the line graphchart .

Meanwhile, the trend of English language teachers was slightupward with some fluctuations.dramatic downward.

According to the data, both English and French language [...] to 58% and 53% respectively in the next year. (It will be better if you give an explanation again)

....three per centpercent . In addition, the decrease of English teachers tendtrend continued to the lowest ...

I have read your essay. It was well-organized, some corrections from, hope it helps
Bunglon11   
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Recruitment process of Language teachers in Ontario; French teaching staff more popular than English [3]

The graph below shows information about the recruitment process of teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.

A breakdown of percentage of first-year language teachers recruitment in Ontario over a 7-year period from 2001 to 2007 is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, there were two different trends in the recruitment of new language teaching staffs. While the percentage of French teachers recruitment increased slightly, the recruitment of English teachers was reduced significantly during the period.

Standing at 74%, recruitment English teaching staffs was higher than necessaries of French teachers, stood at seven in ten (70%), in 2001. However, 2007 showed an extremely different pattern. While French teachers recruitment increased moderately to 75%, rose by 5%, the enrollment of English instructors was decreased significantly by only a quarter (25%) over the period.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, there was a change figure both French and English teachers recruitment over a 4-year period during 2001 to 2005. While in 2002, both experienced a dramatic decrease, 52% French teachers and 58% for English, 2003 showed the recruitment of French rose quickly to 78% when the necessity of English teachers plunged continually at two-fifth percent (40%). Interestingly, a gradual rise was experienced by both over following three years before falling slowly in 2006.



  • recruitment_language.jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / The mass media makes the sensational issue from celebrities, eg. actors, singers and footballers [5]

Hi @anita11 Let me check your essay

The life of extraordinary people always attracts to be reported. In fact, mass media makes the sensational issue from celebrities, including actors, singers, and footballers. Meanwhile, news about ordinary people, havingan achievement, has to be informed also to encourage societies to be more creative and innovative like them.

Commonly, lifestyles of celebrities are more attractive to be reported. It is because everybody wants to know their behavior and private life much more, and it also requires more profit to the media mass which publishes it. .....

..........................Finally, the news about him and other impressive persons gives more benefits to the media. There is no doubt that the tidings of impressive people, consisting of celebrities and footballers are more interesting to be published.

I have read your essay, here some corrections from me
Bunglon11   
Feb 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Electronic Media negative influence; people become introvert and less active socially [5]

Hi Linda91 Let me check your essay

here some corrections

Electronic media has a significant role in a relationship of people to otherspeople . People who use electronic media users can get a bad impact on personal relationships among people . Whilst I believe that electronic media brings some benefits for human lifeto people , I firmly believe that athe negative effects of it isare bigger than positive effects .

First of all, electronic media tends to lead people becoming an introvert and havingbringing people becomes an introvert as people become having a tendency to spend their time alone.

... smartphone which can help them to connect towith their colleagues , relatives, and friends ... It can affect to a psychological condition of people.

It can make a misunderstanding.
Bunglon11   
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the integration problems for people of different age who live overseas [3]

the chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


A breakdown of the percentage integration problems for people in different aged who live in overseas is illustrated in the bar chart. At first glance, the most obvious piece of information is that all people in different aged face the same problems. While the highest problem faced by people aged 25-54 is shorting out healthcare, sorting out finances is the main problem experienced by youngsters.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the highest problem faced by group aged 25-54 is sorting out health care, a problem experienced by 37 percent, which is followed by 35% in sorting out finances. However, young group people aged 18-34 face sorting out finances as the most difficult problem, 34% young people get this problem, and around a third (33%) by sorting out healthcare.

Turning to the next analysis, the group people aged over 55 find the main trouble by 36% in sorting out and healthcare followed by sorting out finances. Interestingly, the smallest problem faced by all of the groups is finding schools for my children.



  • problem_people_aged_.jpg
Bunglon11   
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2: high attention of either digital or printed media in the lives of extraordinary people [4]

hi @mita23 let me check your essay

here some corrections
your essay quiet good, well-organized

Most media tend to focus inon reporting celebrity lives.
While displaying the lives of a well-known person leads to many financial benefits...

... information of famous person's live since it could bringsbring(after modal you should use verb infinitive) positive effects toward ...
... immense improvement of perception about a good quality of life.

However, the media also needs (...) same offerings for the audiences .
... line of poverty can be an amazing object for media to concern about.
... the government and society aware aboutof them in which ...
... what happens in thelivelife of poor people can ignite the ...
To sum up, although people have a different perspective about what data should be appeared in the media whether ...
Bunglon11   
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Essay about using technology in class - it's a part of the learning evolution [4]

Hi @andrewrld4
Let me check your essay

Using technoloogytechnology in class is part of the evolution of learning and suggests an obvious solution to modern challenges. Stundents students of today are different (...) routine using the internet.

Firstly, using different devices ...
For example, if you use (...) interactive and easiliereasier .

I have read your essay, be careful to your spelling, to enlarge your idea try to explain your main idea with a/some supporting idea, you can give the example after your explanation to support your statement and then what is the result or a consequence,

try to read a lot sample answers.

Bunglon11   
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Both of schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem unhealthy lifestyle [2]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both of schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
Do you agree or disagree?


In this contemporary era, the unhealthy lifestyle is becoming a threat to children activities. As such, it is argued that both parents and schools have more responsibilities to tackle with this situation due to their closer with children. While most of children time are spent at home, I personally believe both parents and schools can be the best role model.

It is true that parents hold an important role for their childs because they have more time interacting with children. The parents should be more sensitive with their children's lifestyle related to their healthy life. A case in point, parents should control kid's food with the best nutrition which is needed by youngsters to support their activities. Not only this, parents should pay more attention to restcrict over consumption of internet and television that those can affect on resting quality. Moreover, parents should become the best role model to teach student how to live health and clean such as waking up in the early morning, tidying their own room, washing their dirty clothess or glass after being used.

Apart from this, school, as the second home for youngsters doing their activities, should take a part of this condition. School can apply some rules to control student's activities when they are in the school. In addition, schools can provide a canteen where the students can be avoided by eating unhealthy food. Also, teachers can teach students to live clean such as washing hands, throwing trash into rubbish box, and doing exercise to keep their fit.

In conclusion, living in the modern era with under healthy life standard threaten human life particularly for young childs. For that reason, I personally believe that both parents and schools have the crucial role leading childs to obtain better life's quality.
Bunglon11   
Feb 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is the modern world very difficult for those people who wants to maintain their healthy lifestyle? [2]

Hi @Linda91 let me check your essay

Health is a significant aspect inof people's lives.
... people in modern era tend to chooselive inthe unhealthy lifestyle, but others believe that keepingmaintaining healthy and fit are ...

Business in daily activityA busy lifestyle forces people to usespend their time properly as ...
For instance, a woman career, she has a tight schedule every day ...
... office which often makes her to forget keepingignoring her health, so that she ...

I have read your essay, it is well-organized,
here some corrections from me
Bunglon11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is argued that higher education can lead people to obtain better life [2]

Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs while some others hold that there are wider benefits for the individual and the society.

Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.


Different people have different approaches to gain success. It is argued that higher education can lead people to obtain better life while others believe that there are some benefits becoming independence and living in societies. In this case, I personally believe that both are crucial in human life linked to a well-being lives.

It is true that the education in the university is related to finding a job. Most of people continue their study in higher level education to grab well-paid work which possible to change their life's quality. This is because education has been linked to the career opportunity. For example, when people have been graduated from university, they are expected having some skills order to apply in a high-class company. A survey conducted by the University of Indonesia found that 64% employees in a company were dominated by graduated from university means that there is a correlation between education and job opportunity.

Apart from this, there are other benefits for individuals and society. Firstly, living independence tends to lead a student being creative and do not depend on another person. Moreover, it can influence student's activity to make relation with other people in society that is possible to build the network able to make cooperation, which can be related to business. In addition, in this modern era, we live in the competitive era where living in societies can teach the students how to survive and compete to grab the best occasion.

Furthermore, in my view, I believe that education can be a bridge for the students facing this era while all of goals need more efforts, but on another hand, the independence and relation with other people can help students to live sociality which is possible to develop the linked to provide better future.

To conclude, graduation from university is linked to job opportunities for students. While some people argue that social communities and individual bring some advantages, I personally believe that both of them encourage opportunity for students to obtain better in their life, not only job' chance but also relationship.
Bunglon11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Moving factories and industries to some small areas will reduce the population density and traffic [2]

Hi @awe_28

... This essay will argue that although there will be a decrease in traffic congestion,

... reduce the population density and traffic congestionjump (you have mentioned above) in the metropolitan cities. There will be athe greatest number of (...) opportunities to find a job in those regions.

... growth of inhabitants in the regional area and make a newly crowded.

I have your essay
Overall is good, only a few corrections from me
Bunglon11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Public Library is waste of money since computer can replace their functions. [2]

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions.

To what extent do you agree or disagree
?

A Public library is a place where knowledge can be obtained. Some people said that spending money to maintain public library is wasful since all information of education can be accessed by modern technology such as computers. While modern devices become popular today, I personally believe that existence library for public is still needed which can be accessed by everyone when computer not.

It is true that development in technology such as computer and internet cannot be avoided when it provides easy-access for general information and it tends to change the printed document into electronic books, which are able to be easily downloaded. Not only that, the new innovations have been developed to create various of applications easily used by computers or smarphones. The another benefit, it can be opened and read everywhere due to the available access. Unfortunatelly, in different side, there are some aspects cannot be supplied by the computers or internet such as qualified research references, academic atmosphere, and spaces for discussing where those are facilitated by public library.

Public service facilities such as library should be paid more attention and maintained by the government as a place where the process of learning transfer tends to be conducted. This is because these provide an appropriate place like a comfort zone, academic environment, and discussing spaces to students finishing their assignments. Moreover, Library offers the valid source of research that is bound to support the literacies of scientific papers such as journals, ancient books, or research publications. Furthermore, the librarians are able to help visitors finding the valid references.

To conclude, the technology in modern era influence people to gain convenient in all aspects including information and reading source. while some people believe that modern devices are possible to substitute the public library, I personally state that library is still needed and maintaining of its public service should be considered by the government.
Bunglon11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Public museums and art galleries vs Computer - great tool, but can it replace personal experience? [2]

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer.

Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


It is true that development of technology tends to lead people getting convenient in their activities including easy-access of information. While some people believe that modern technology can be used to see historical sites and arts in only in the screen computer which is possible to replace the existence of public museums and art galleries, I personally believe that their presence cannot be displaced, and it will be better to include the piece of technology for maintaining local sites.

The essence of museums and art galleries are situated in real condition and can not be switched interface in the modern devices such as computer or smartphone. This is because the meaningful of historical objects and art sites are not able to be sensated in the screen of the computer. For example, the portrait of Monalisa with its mistery may be able to be seen on the internet or picture on a computer, but the relief and the appearance cannot be enjoyed by only using a screen of the computer. This means that the real creations or man-made product cannot be substituted by modern devices.

However, the presence of technology in this modern era should not be completely neglected due to its benefit. To begin, technology such as a computer connected to internet can be used to browse the information about historical sites from different places even country. Not only that, online galleries and museums can be created which tend to attract people to visit the real place of the art creations to see directly the objects. Moreover, it can be tools to publish local heritage sites in the worldwide that is possible to introduce local culture heritage as an identity of a country.

Furthermore, in my view, it cannot be denied that the development of technology appears in human life to provide convenient in their activities like gathering news, searching information about arts or historical sites. Then, it can be used as an advertisement media to attract people visiting museums or galleries and it is not for replacing the function of museums or galleries.

To conclude, it is argued that technology tends to influence the human need for information including information of histories such as art and ancient sites by using electronic media. While some people believe that everything can be accessed by modern devices, I personally believe that the meaningful of historical heritage can be sensed by seeing directly.

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