Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Rural Education: Sophisticated Technologies or Qualified Apparatus?? [2]

In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Education is still less accessible for kids who live in countryside societies of developing countries. Many think that providing more educational institutions as well as its educators can solve the issue. However, others believe that the availability of the latest technology such as computers and internet access will be the best solution to solve that problem. Despite of the fact that the high technology facilities are notable nowadays, I strongly believe that the role of qualified teachers and schools are more influential.

On the one hand, the necessity of computers and internet access is highly demanded in this digital era. Most of the things have been computerized including one of the sources to access knowledge which is books that have already been available in digital forms these days. Moreover, the use of those sophisticated developments is unavoidable since the fast-changing era has been coming. Thus, by providing access to such technologies considered as a supportive decision to assist those unfortunate children to get used and to catch up their positions that currently still left behind.

Conversely, there is a more critical condition that is needed to be fulfilled for them which is the access to experience the worthy education. This condition is strongly influenced by the limitation of qualified schools that provide a comprehensive educational program and supported by professionally certified teachers. They are more likely to have a more established guidance that followed by the more adequate facilities. Furthermore, providing both educational apparatus is much more meaningful in order to create a real time learning experience due to the limited access for those unlucky kids who live in remote areas.

In conclusion, even though providing computers and internet access are beneficial in this technological era, I personally convince that the role of educational institutions and educators are much more critical for children who live in rural communities in developing countries.

Writing Feedback / The transition of the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy between 2000 and 2050 [2]

Question:

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

Answer:

The pie charts below illustrate the transition of the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy between 2000 and the projected year 2050. Overall, it is noticeable that the most dominant proportion in both years and countries is in age group of 15-59 years. However, partially, both countries show a reverse trend in each respective year.

In Yemen, the proportion of people in productive age began with 46.3%, the second after the group of age 0-14 years with 50.1% in 2000, and predicts to reach its peak at 57.3% during the 50 year-period. While, over the similar period, there will be a dramatic decrease of 20.1% for the latter group. However, the elderly will remain as the group with smallest proportion although there will increase slightly at 2.1% in 2050.

In Italy, on the contrary, despite the percentage of people age 15-59 years will steadily lead the total percentage between 2000 and 2050, the number forecasted to fall gradually until over 15% in 2050. While, the dramatic rise of about 18% will occur to elderly group over a half century. However, in this country, the group with lowest percentage over the same period is teenage-children with no more than 14.3% at most.

(203 Words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Nature vs Nurture in Sharping People' Personalities and Developments [2]

Question:
Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Answer:

According to the research, one personalities and growths are determined by the innate characteristic instead of the experience that they went through their entire life time. Even though the research indicates that fact, I personally consider that the influence of experience plays a bigger proportion in sharping their personalities and development.

Naturally, people were born with carrying certain personalities that they inherited genetically from their parents. Those personalities mostly appear in physical traits such as how do they look like. Yet, some of them also reflected through their behaviors. For instance, a child looks alike to her mother, but inherited her father's height and complexion. Another example, the descendant of parents who have sense of arts will have artistic abilities too. However, their inherited characteristic will be the basic form of their natural behavior that will last for their whole life. Although this kind of personality is unavoidable, they can still be fully developed by the time.

Experience, on the other hand, is believed as something that will nurture the development of innate personalities. Experience relates to several factors: cultural, social, and situational. Cultural deals with family and tradition; social connects to interaction within communities; and situational relates to certain circumstances. To illustrate, a kid has no appetite to consume any sea food because his mother never served it in their dining table; a teenager who develop his empathy or even turn out to be ignorant after interacting with group of people in society; and a person who becomes knowledgeable not because they parents were genius but that is the result of her affection of reading ton of books. Thus, those factors are crucial in influencing the development of ones' behavior.

In brief, while it had been proven that intrinsic factor is crucial in determining people's personalities and developments, experiences play the essential role in sharpen those aspects significantly. Therefore, people should aware of their born characteristics and choose wisely the most suitable environment to develop them in order to sharpen their personalities.

(370 Words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Competitive or Cooperative? Is competition the key to survive? [3]

Question:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both this views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Nowadays, some people believe that competition is the key to survive in this fast-phased changes era. While, others argue that cooperation will be much more helpful to mingle faster within society. Both have been discussed by people, especially by parents, since years to seek which one is better than another to be stimulated to their own kids. However, although I agree that both have their own strengths which are beneficial in particular areas for children life in the future, personally I believe that being cooperative will bring more positive impacts to the up-coming generations.

Being competitive is a natural feeling that undeniable to be owned by each individual. It can be seen from these following illustrations: children who compete to get their parents' attentions; students to gather reward points in their class; or a worker to attain promotion. People somehow do not realize that the nature of being competitive has been developed within their own selves since they were fetus. In addition, this kind of attitude is crucially required to develop for people in certain professions such as athlete and entertainer. The atmosphere of strong competitions in both areas becomes the premiere motive for their actors to sharpen their competitive spirit in order to survive or even be on top.

Meanwhile, being cooperative is the attitude that needs to be stimulated frequently since it gradually develops by the time when people transform from individual to social beings. Aristotle said that "man is by nature social animal". It means that mankind and social groups are inseparable. To live comfortably in society which characterized by a group of heterogeneity individuals, being cooperative is highly favorable as the proverb said that 'we sow what we reap'. To illustrate, people will be helped after their offering their assistance in previous time. However, cooperation consists of such actions as helping each other, working together, sharing idea, and many group activities that are all practical for future life of the youngsters.

In summary, while to compete is part of each human nature, for me it is inevitable for mankind to cooperate with other due to the matter of fact that they are social beings. Therefore, parents should stimulate both skills to their descendants in order to sharpen their abilities to deal with both individual and social tasks in the up-coming period.

(385 Words)

p.s. I think I get lost while composing this writing, and for me my ideas seem so off-topics. Need your powerful suggestions please dear people, big thanks. (:

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Who Should Take Responsibility for Juvenile Attitude [3]

Question:
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Answer:

Recently, the rate of juvenile violation has been increasing among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the absence of lessons toward social and emotional controls from their elderly both at home and school becomes the main trigger of that violence. Personally, I agree that parents and teachers share similar responsibilities to be a proper role-model for young generation, especially in managing their anger as well as interacting in social life.

Firstly, family, especially parents, as the closest relatives that everyone has in life plays a crucial role in shaping the juveniles' attitudes. It is also the initial primary educational institution that 'attended' by everyone with parents as the educators. When parents' roles are missing, there will be a big hole in their offspring life: an invisible gap between parents-children. This problem typically occurs to certain kinds of parents such as working or career parents; parents with mental illness; divorcing parents; abusive parents and many more. It is a very dangerous situation, especially for those who have teenager children under 18. Eighteen is the transitional phase from teenager-children into young-adult, the most critical phase for their emotional and social development. Thus, the intense bond between parents and children during that period is highly necessary. A successful parent will be reflected by the personality of their descendants because like the proverb say that 'like parents, like children'.

Similarly, school becomes the second home for teenager as they spend most of their day time there. Consequently, the teacher will automatically become their second parents at particular place: school. As 'parent', it is important for teacher to be a good role-model for their student. As educators and parents for their students, teachers are not demanded to only focus on their academic skill, but far than that they also have a big responsibility to educate them with proper ethics. Unfortunately, that very essential life skill has been gradually disappear from formal curriculum, so there is no choice for a qualified teacher to build their self-awareness to sharpen that specialized skill to their students.

To conclude, I have to agree that the roles of both parents and teachers are vital in constructing teenagers' attitude. Therefore, it is critical for parents and teachers to always be there to guide their beloved young-children, especially during their teenage life.

(379 Words)

p.s. need many improvements, so please no need to be reluctant to give me as many suggestions as needed. (:

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Why Taking Part-time Job for Teenager are Beneficials? [3]

Question:
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage-children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job.

Answer:

Many argue that taking a part-time job becomes one of the most effective ways for young adult to prepare for their future life. In addition, it is believed that parents should play the role to motivate them for doing so. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is crucial for teenagers to go through that experience of being part-time worker as preparation to welcome their upcoming life due to several reasons.

Firstly, experiencing part-time job will help the juvenile to adjust with the adulthood process. Being adult is an unavoidable matter that will be experienced by human being as the time goes by. Heading towards adulthood means possessing more responsibility that primarily indicated by working. Thus, by working earlier since their youth, people have offered the opportunities to deal with such working situations that they will encounter in the future. For example, we will introduce to such experience as how to be a good-model employee, how to handle certain works, and how to begin networking, both with colleagues and clients.

Similarly, starting to be part-time worker will help youngster to be independent economically. Working part-time will make it possible for them to earn money by their own. Although the amounts will not that much as experienced workers, still they have their own salary. Consequently, they can start providing things for themselves by using their own wealth, and stop being fully dependent in economic matter to their parents. However, having an economical independence since young age has potential risk to create a new-hedonist generation. Despite of that unwilling effect, being independent economically still provides another benefit like financial management skill that leads them to use money wisely.

To sum up, it is evident that experiencing to be an employee in such a young age will be precious for young generation in order to get ready to enter their adulthood. Therefore, it is important for people around the youngsters, especially parents, to encourage them to surpass that kind of experience.

(328 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Having Enjoyable Life or Earning Much Money, Which One Do You Prefer? [2]

Question:
Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable life than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Earning a lot of money becomes less essential or some people who love to enjoy a happy life more. Meanwhile, others argue that the quality of a good life will be determined by the quantity of money that people earn through a fine job. Despite of the fact that having an enjoyable life is precious, the idea that money is not needed to provide prosperity in life is strongly deniable.

On the one hand, having a pleasant life is indeed meaningful. To live with pleasure means living under lovable and enjoyable circumstances. For instance, in terms of work, people who used to enjoy their life will find the term 'work on passion' is strongly related to them. They will seek for a job that meets their interest in order to gain satisfaction. Furthermore, they will choose occupations that provide them with a bunch of leisure time that allow them to keep doing their such favorable things as enjoying their hobbies, exercising regularly, hanging out with old friend, up-dating in social-media, traveling, and the most prominent one: having enough resting time. Consequently, as long as they can enjoy their activities while working; other factors, besides happiness and satisfaction, will be less necessary for them, including the amount of salary that they will get.

Nevertheless, it is also believed that salary plays a big role in measuring the good quality of life. Salary or money in general is the source for living. Every things need money (to buy), and people need things (to live in). So, money is the source to access people's necessity. It lies from basic needs such as food, clothes, and even living place, until secondary and tertiary ones such as personal transport, latest gadget, beauty care, holiday trip, investment, and many more. However, those things are common things needed for living. Therefore, the higher the quantity of the money that people earn is, the more qualified things that they will get, and as a result, the more prosperous their life will be.

In conclusion, it is evident that although money is not as more essential as having a complimentary life, the power of money is still crucial in order to reach a good quality of life. Therefore, people should balance their life that will make them possible to enjoy their life with using their own wealth.

(388 Words)

p.s. I realize that my writing above is way too much (words), but I have no idea how to effectively shorten them, so besides correcting its content and grammar, please also enlightening me on how to paraphrase those words to meet its ideal word counts, much thanks. (:

Writing Feedback / The percentage of kinds of transport used and the reasoning behind the use of a vehicle in Edmonton [3]

IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - The Transport and Car Use in Edmonton

The given chart shows the information on the percentage of kinds of transport used, and the table indicates the reasoning behind the use of car in the city by people who lives in Edmonton. Overall, it can be seen that car becomes the most favorable transport used by people in Edmonton. Why do they love to use car the most? The mobility of car to work comes up as the reason with biggest proportion for them.

By a closer look to the chart, it is noticeable that car, as the only private transportation, by far nearly dominates the preference of transport used by Edmonton people with 45%. While, the rest 55% are shared by three public transports. LRT follows in the second place with 35%, and another 20% fairly distributed to Bus and Taxi by 10% respectively.

Moreover, according to the table, 55% of people in Edmonton prefer to use car because it commutes to work. Other reasons that also have big proportion are for business and taking kids to school with 45% and 40%. However, shopping and leisure activity that shares similar proportions of 15% each become the least popular reasons for Edmonton people.

(195 Words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - The Ratio of the Highest Education Level of Women in 1945 and 1995 [3]

The pie chart displays the ratio of highest level of education of women in someland in 1945 and 1995. Overall, it is obviously seen that there was a significant transition among the proportion of highest level of education shared in 1955 compared to in 50 years earlier, especially in the most dominant one.

By 1995, the percentage of women who attended to university level dominated the whole proportion with 50%, a highly considerable upturn of 49% compared to 1945 with only 1%. Meanwhile, in 1945, the domination of the whole percentage was fairly shared between no schooling and third grade levels with 35% each. Surprisingly, those levels of education along with 6 years education dropped drastically to hit a low of 0% in 1995.

A gradual rise also happened in post graduate level that came up with the figure at 20% in 1995 while it had 0% in 1945. And so did the level of 12 years education that rose from 4%-20% during that half century period. However, the only level that the proportion remained stable in both years (1945 and 1955) was 9 years education with 10%.

(190 words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - The Comparison of Montly Expenditures in Australia between 1991 and 2001 [4]

The table compares the monthly expenditure of an average Australian family in 1991 and 2001, a decade gap of time. Overall, the total spending for Australian family in 2001 was higher than in 1991 with other goods and services as the highest cost among others in both years although the most drastic climb happened to electricity and water in 2001.

At a closer look to the data, it can be seen than apart from clothing and transport, the cost of rest commodities were higher in 2001 rather than in 1991. While food was following non-essential goods and services as the most expensive expenditures in a month with $155-$160 and $265-$270 (in 1991-2001) respectively, a slight raise of $5 as well as housing ($95-$100) over a decade period. However, the cost for electricity and water had a drastic $45 rise in 2001 ($75-$120).

Nevertheless, the spending for clothing and transport in 2001 were lesser than in 1991. The first declined with $10 from $30 to $20 while the latter had a $25 reduction from $70 to $45 over the same period (1991-2001).

(181 words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - The Comparison of Number of Visitors between 2 New Music Wesites [3]

The line graph illustrates the comparison of the number of visitors of two new music websites, Music Choice and Pop Parade, over a fifteen-day period. Overall, it can be seen that there is a clear domination of Pop Parade within that half month period although it once has been surpassed by another site for 2 days (12th and 13th).

The Pop Parade site has been leading by 120.000 of visitors since the first day, and keeps continuing its superiority for 11 days consecutively. However, the trend actually starts decreasing gradually until reaches a trough of 30.000 visitors in day nine before it bounces back to reach its second peak by about 150.000 visitors in the 11th day. While it has dropped again for two days in day 12-13, it backs on top and even reaches its peak with 170.000 visitors in the last day (15th).

On the contrary, the Music Choice site is less favorable since it can surpass its competitor only for two days (12th and 13th) when it is hitting a high of 120.000 visitors in day 12. However, at the day 15, the number of visitors to this site fell to be around 70.000 visitors.

(198 Words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - How many people used 3 major airports in NYC during their travel? [2]

The bar chart indicates the numbers of travelers use three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000. Overall, LaGuardia was the airport with the most significant increase of passenger numbers over that 6-year period.

LaGuardia started with about 35 million passengers in 1995 and peaked at nearly double (70 million) in 2000. The raise of LaGuardia actually ran constantly about 5 million gap each year over 5-year period (1995-1999) from 35 to 50 million travelers. However, over the period of 1999-2000, the number inclined drastically with 20 million passengers only in a year.

Similarly, the number of people that used Newark airport increased gradually within the period of 1995-1998 from about 15 million to above 50 million passengers, and since henceforth it remained in similar number steadily. By contrast, the amounts of people who flight through John F. Kennedy airport during that half dozen year period were fluctuative. It rose from 20s million travellers before (1995) and fell to 30s million travelers after (1997) hitting a high at almost 50 million passengers in 1997. However, there was a 10% rise in this airport in the latest year period.

(191 Words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - The Proportion of Tourists Visited Four Different Attractions in Brighton [2]

Hello guys, here is my very first post in this site. Your strong feedback will be very helpful for revising my writing, so please don't be hesitant to give it a bunch for me. Thanks a lot in advance.

Description:

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

Answer:

The line graph demonstrates the proportion of visitors who came to England to enjoy four distinctive attractions in Brighton during a thirty-year period between 1980 and 2010. Overall, the trend tended to differ for each attraction during the same period. While pavilion became the most favorable attraction to be visited in the past two decades (1990-2010), the least popular show had changed from pier (1980) to art gallery (2010).

Pavilion rose considerably from merely 25% in 1980 until hit a high of almost double (50%) in 1995. Yet, since henceforth, the percentage had fallen gradually to 30% in 2010 although it still at top. However, the festival that peaked at 30% in 1980 decreased slightly until 25% in 1995 before remaining stable at about 28% in the latest decade (2000-2010).

Meanwhile, pier and art gallery were exchanging position as the least favorable between 1980 and 2010. Both shared about 10% gap over the first two decades (1980-2000) and the last five year-period (2005-2010) before leveled in 2005 with 15% each. Interestingly, both had significant transition in different way. While pier inclined from 10% to above 20%, art gallery dropped dramatically from above 20+% to 10-% in those three decades (1980-2010).

(200 words)

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