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Posts by Ifan21
Name: Ifan Aulia Candra
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 12, 2016
Threads: 22
Posts: 24  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia
School: Andalas University

Displayed posts: 46 / page 1 of 2
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Ifan21   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Integrated Essay (Q: Summarize the points made in the lecture, ...) [2]

Hey There .....
These following correction are suggested to you :
... lecture offer two opposing viewsopposed views on the authenticity of one of Rembrandt paintings (using on of must be followed by noun with plural form) , which is known as ...

... feels that the painting does IS NOTnot belong to Rembrandt (...) one of true Rembrandt's works (You have to cutting down this long sentence because confusing ).

... claims that there is are some inconsistency (inconsistencies) .......
Note :
Bear on your mind about plura-singular form, subject-verb agreement and how to construct complex sentences

Good luck
Best Regard
Ifan
Ifan21   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / First farm to grow veg in a desert using only sun and seawater by Alice Klein [2]

One of preeminent innovations in term of contemporary agriculture established a couple years ago and officially launched yesterday was seawater greenhouse. situated in Port Augusta region, this greenhouse is manufactured to solve the problem about Scorching summer temperatures and arid area. it alternates all of pivotal elements in common agroecosystem, such as ground water, pesticide, fertilizer and even soil can be interchanged by coconut husk because there is no any plant or crop can be planted on that marginal soil like desert. That a 20-hecatare field is irrigated by desalinated seawater. A solar-powered desalination,23.000 sunlight-reflected mirror toward a 115-meter high receiver tower, reduce the acidity of seawater and supply fresh water to the crops through the pipe particularly tomatoes and produce approximately 39 megawatts energy. This panel also acts as heater control and keep the favorable temperature for the crop inside greenhouse. The Harvested tomatoes from 18.000 trees have started being sold in nearest supermarket.

Initiated by Sundrop Farm Australia, Philipp Saumweber as its CEO, this greenhouse was purposed to clear up and energy-limed resources such as fossil fuel. Furthermore, it is also relied to diminish the emission exhausted by usual factory related solar reservoir, although it is more economically high-cost namely $ 200 million for all infrastructures. according to Saumweber "the cost will pay off long-term".
Ifan21   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / People nowadays spend much more time, than they should, using text messages and new technology [2]

... it stimulates people to contact with each other more . However, some others may take an opposite ...
... media has lots of benefits and if peoplethey (avoid repetition ) can manage their time, it will help people them to be more ...

.., for instance, one spending more time on it.
... an example I can contact with many friends around the worlds with social media. Although even though I leave alone (...) due to new technologies which may is not be available before.

Note
This essay , is very well supported, but it is better if the point of view is supported by another subject instead self experience


Good luck
Best Regard
Ifan
Ifan21   
Oct 10, 2016
Scholarship / From technical, through marketing, to the development team. Work Experience - Chevening Application [2]

Hey Jainaina Silva, These folllowing correction are suggested to you :

Text 1:
The team's main purpose (The main purpose of the team ) was theto make stimulation (??? not appropriate word) of the steel (...) with focus inon rolled steel profiles.

... as a trainee and after two years I was promoted to technical consultant for the following two years .
... architects and engineers on for the use of steel profiles (the suitable preposition of provide is "for").
-Developinge technical materials on ...
-Participateion in academic events at ...
IF you make it in the list, every part of the list should be same structure because the first part you've mention in "provide" so the next should be "Develop, hold, participate, etc"

Thanks
Hope It is useful for you
Best Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Oct 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / '4 reasons to learn a new language' by John McWhorter - Summary of TED [2]

"English is taking over" is not one of impressive fact when the people across the globe who capable of English are catastrophically increase. According to John McMhorter,Associate Professor of English and Comparative Literature at Columbia University, Almost a whole life-related aspects are facilitated by English. As an adequate example for that, In china, there 2 dozen universities are transferring knowledge (teaching activity) by using English, and so that for urban societies also improve their to insight of Chinese proficiency. Further more, at the last century it is predicted that from 6000 languages which exist to day, there will only some of hundred will be commonly spoken. As a result, people nowadays can communicate in several universal languages.

The precisely justification to that is the foreign languages have different acid trip in term of vocabulary and grammar. take France and Spanish as example, Both of them has same perspective about table, because to them Table is kind of a girl. The second reason of that, because they are acquired in order to be expert in culture. You suppose to take care about languages difficulties because they are the key point to being able to engage and participate in culture. Another reason is languages are just awful and a lot of fun. So i highly recommend that learning second tongue language is necessary in this day and edge.
Ifan21   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2: In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past [3]

Hey Nguyendo,
These following correction are suggested to you :
Nowaday (Nowadays ), the number of one-person households is more far more than that in the past. .., there is a downside a t at the same time, loneliness is one of the examples (Bear on your mind about topic sentence and coherency between topic and explanation ).

... of living alone is people seem (...), especially young people (Avoid repetition ).
... they like without any worry about altercations from ...

... alone might confront with their own physical and mental problems alone .

Note:
Avoid repetitions, misspelling, sentence coherency...

Thanks, I do hope it is useful for you
Best Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of Artile World's hardiest animal has evolved radiation shied for its DNA By: Andy Coglan [2]

Tardigrades (Ramazzottius varieornatus),water bear, is the most toughest creatures on the planet, which can survive in extreme condition such as radiation-contaminated territory. Normally, the habitat of this animal is moss, yet surprisingly it also can survive in vacuum space either high pressure area such as trench or extreme temperature. Research nowadays has exposed the adequate justification related to that case. This because of remarkable genetic material property called bizzare protein (Damage suppressor) corresponds to the shields of Their DNA. The genetic-regulated Material would be incredibly secured by this element without disturbing the DNA it self. This shield will also mop up the DNA-harming chemicals. This research was conducted by Takekazu Kuneida and his team. Kuneida's teams have identified the proteins and were directly tested in term to prevent human kidney cells from X-ray radiation prior the proteins were also modified. Thus, this proteins sufficiently protect and improve the immunity of human body toward radioactivity.
Ifan21   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Truth about Lying [2]

Hey There
I am please to read this great essay, even so, i would like to give you some corrections, namely:

According to her, truth number oneis one, truth number one; lying is a cooperative act (2 times be verbs [is] ), that a liar ...
... and establishing appropriate preventions due to the fact that ... (Since this paragraph the next paragraph is the further explanation so it is better to combine it into one paragraph )

Truth numbertwo is people are against lying but covertly cover (Once two words are linked by Or/but/and it should be in same structure ) for it, since lying is ...

Pay attention for sentence coherency, miss spelling
Thanks
Hope it is useful
Best Regard
Ifan
Ifan21   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Human bones can by recreated in laboratory nowadays. [2]

TED SUmmary - A new way to grow bone (Molly Stevens)

As Intellegent society, researchers have utterly been struggling to minimize suffering from dangerous disease including Diabetes, cancer, even heart disease. Fortunately, Human body has fascinating materials with their own specification and function. Regarding to Molly Stevens, head of bio-material laboratory, suggested that there are great number of bio-materials come from the body which can be integrated and adapted to the other part. Compare to man-made substance, in term of healing progression, bio-moterial has much more adaptable. Initiaded by S.H. Ridley, ophthalmologist, who had founded the exceptionally element within the eye which is not causing inflammation, eventually it becomes intramocular lense as known as PMMA. Molly stevens and her teams tried to find substitution of bone for fracture cases, and they foundiliac crest has potential to be integrated to other part of the bone because of strikingly rich of blood related to well vascularized. Hence they developed y applyibone bng many strategy and finally they got the appropriate method. The method has slightly the same as stem cell principle.
Ifan21   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Strangers are not dangerous - we should talk to them keeping in mind cultural differences [6]

Hey Yonathan
These following correction for you:
.., people are raisinged to believe that stranger is dangerous. But (use an advance conjunction ), Kio,simple descrption of KIO , stated that most strangers are not dangerous and we have ... (This sentence is hard to understand ). Categorise (categorize ) people (avoid repetition people: denizen, citizen, etc) ininto physical appearance like black, ...

When someone wishes to talks to stranger ()foreign one thing important is to realiserealize (miss spelling will ruin your score even) about the culture (...) and get annoyed if annoyed if (???? ) you talk to them.

... and you should build amake conversation. Then he also stated that in many

Bearing in your mind about repetition, use appropriate word, you have sometimes to use a correct collocation, pay attention for miss spelling

Thanks
Hope it is useful for you
Best Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The future of early cancer detections - Jorge Soto (Summary of TED) [4]

Complex analysis had been integrated to sophisticated technology in this case molecular technology. Initiated by regretting incident, Jorge Soto, technologists and scientists, developed the smartphone-integrated program. There was mistake in-term of anamnesist and diagnosis of his aunt who was death by which . Paramedic revealed that his aunt just get normal injury, and they decided to give therapy, but there was not any further recovery , and eventually she have been diagnosed in contracting Lung cancer stage 3.

Considering that night mare, he decided to design program which is thoroughly assimilated to smart phone. This feature is capable in diagnose the either symptom or disease based on molecular approach. By Detecting small molecules called microRNA,micro molecule related to gene expression, which regulated the protein process influenced by internal (genetic information) and external (environment). As cancer is the disease that controlled by the related gene, according to experiment result, this genetic material has their own normal pattern due to it can detect the sample of tissue which has different pattern distinctly.

Jorge and his team have tried to manufactured the detector machine wich connected to the smartphone as prototype. This tools has been enriched by sensitivity of small amount of sample. The sample is simply detected by the tools and as the sample loaded, it will analyse microRNA patter. The result will display whether normal or peculiar.

To sum up, the manufactured technology will be useful for medical analysis in term of avoiding inappropriate analysis. In hope, it will very useful to initial diagnose for molecular-relating disease.
Ifan21   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of article Bouncy bone can be 3D-printed to become a universal repair kit By Andy Coghlan [3]

The sophisticated technology comes from Medical prespective which has been developed through Ink which can construct 3D-print flexibe bone. This will be implanted inside the body to substitute particular bone painless to be fixed in size. forthere, this manufacture-based bone provides many marits including adaptable, giving surgeons a cheap and effective in brisk healing.

Either way, this material is rather frigile because during the treatment or surgical operation it sometimes can be crack and deteriorated, unfortunately i can not to be remodelled during which.

Ramille shah and her team,student at Universuty of Northwestern, have developed advance ink that can be 3D-printed bone implants are ultra-elastic. these implants are briskly proliferated by blood vascular and slowly turn into True bone.
Ifan21   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many social-related problems being rushed up if somebody's speaking is ignored by listeners [4]

Summary of TED how speak so that people want to listen (julian Treasure)

Many social-related problem being rushing up if somebody speaking is ignored by college whom they speak to. They sometimes become frustrate because of no any respond, evenmore for several number of people are squeezed by they sorrounding out. Based on Julian Tresure, the chair of the Sound Agency, some factors can trigger by their self including gosip, judging, negativity, complaining, excuses, lying and dogmatism. Those self problems can be solved by transforming personality into HAIL (Honest, authenticity, integrity and love). and forthermore, by organizing or maintaining your speak whether you want to conditionate the atmosphere of your voice such as, volume, rhyme, empisize and nuance.
Ifan21   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Curly Fry Conundrum: Why Social Media "likes" Say More Than You Might Think [4]

Hello iedha ...
You have done great job, these following corrections are addressed to you :

... scientist who shares her super exciting research (exciting means super ) regarding to the rise numbers of social media and social network users (among these three conjungtion including and/but/or should be followed by the same structure word ).

... Facebook is much more interactive place site to interact with others. The data (plural noun form or datum ) has have shown that Facebook it (avoid repetition by changing pronous ) has 1,2 billion users (...) of this earth's internet population is using Facebook.

Thanks
I hoppefuly it is useful
Best Regard
ifan
Ifan21   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of article Technology: 'Brass rubbings' breathe life into architects' plans (ELISABETH GEAK) [3]

Cutting-edge technology has been appiled for many perspective nowadays, particularly Computer-based working. Many convenient spesific sofwares embed and lounced to improve productivity. Architechture approach is one of common acccupations that use computer to elevate the productivity. Therefore, architecture researches have been persuing to develop and designed sophisticated softwere based on technique or requirement.

Recent progrmas which are being used have several problems regarding on picture display, one of those is rather stark picture sresult which is not suitable for brochure. According to Simon Schofield, a researcher at the Martin Centre for Architectural and Urban Studies at Cambridge, he explained that 'Architects hate presenting too 'real' an image to clients early on, because it suggests they have already made decisions.' an implementation of it, now he create a form of 'computerised brass rubbing' which is developed in order to change the skets into impressionist painting. It improve the quality display and provide architect many features. as result, the result become more attractive and more gergously intresting.
Ifan21   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 _ Some people think having healthy lifestyle is difficult while others think it is ea [6]

Hallo Hajjatul
These following correction are suggested for your writing :

... become a a trend IN SOCIETY trend among most of inhabitants . What kind of food they eat, how many time OFTEN they go to gym and what yoga course they take are being concerned BY THEM mostly by the majority of citizens .

... though another group of people find it is still difficult to be run (Sound littlebit awkward ).

... means increase improving lifestyle cost. Consuming o organic food, for instance, it is something that is considered asa luxury food.
Nevertheless, I am convinced that it is not hard to live healthy lifestyle as long as the subject itself having a strong willing for it.

... discipline to live healthylife . Exercise, taking some rest, and balanced diet are the main points that build healthy lifestyle, I think.

Note:
Please bear on your mind about miss spelling, and sentence cohrency, avoid repetition,


Thanks
Best Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dating with schizophrenia - an experience about living with this condition [2]

Hey Chaca....
You've done a great job, these following corrections are subjected to you :

MichaelHedrick,writer in Boulder, Colo, shared his experience ... Hedrick is a . His love story began through the soulmate's website ...
... he finally loved after they me et.
Although this their memorable relationship (It is better if you change this into "their" possession ) should be ended due to (...) by other people (may you need sometimes to change common word into less common "sorrounding/college/peers etc." ).

... biggest difficulty living with woman suffering schizophrenia is a rather crazy feeling ...

Note
It is please to correct your essay, your writing easy to understand and great

Ifan21   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED The secret, social lives of bacteria (Bonnie Bassler) [4]

The microscopic organism on the earth ,contain only few genetic materials, is known as Bacteria. they are single cell with special property and few genes that together can encode all of the traits to be herritaged and expressed. they can conducted complex biological mechanism including replication, respiration, and other complicated live process by them self. These metabolic systems can be done by transforming the genes into genetic information. They play important roles to human being such as, digest food,produce vitamin, and even the educate our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria and keep them out of our body. moreover, they can defend and restrain human body from danger-threatening disease. 99% part of human anatomy is contained by them and seems like invisible body armor which shield our body from something dangerous. even so, they also have many bad impacts for us.according to Bonnie Bassler, An American molecular biologist, she astonished most of the disease-relating humans is predominantly caused by bacteria. the way to infect and penetrate human body is not by solitary bacteria but rather communal bacteria. The big question is how they can regulate their social live ?. the preliminary hypothesis is they communicate through chemical language. this circumstance had been examined by sampling ocean bacteria named Vibrio fischery, illuminating bacteria, which can produce and regulate the light (bioluminiscence) whether in solitary or live together.
Ifan21   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Teach every child about food [7]

Hey Andika
You have done a great job in writing, but there are some corrections for your essay:

Causesing death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual (simplify by saying "To keep them healthy" ). Food revolution need for better future (This sentence should be in passive form "Food revolution is required for better future" ), because of the food, many teenagers ...

It made a(avoid repetition) them cannot go anywhere.
..., because of ()because of must be folllowed by noun ord noun phrase the time many student eating non-un healthy foods at every time which ...
Small childrenthey should drink two bottles of ...
... are worse as much sugar in there(to which/what "there refers to"? ).
Sugar can effect longer if children always drink it, ...

Thanks
i do hope it is useful for you
best regard
ifan
Ifan21   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED How does cancer spread through the body ? (Ivan Seah Yu Jun ) [4]

Cancer has become common problem yet thorny problem in this latter-days. Even so, this complicated matter has not been resolved yet. The predominant qiestion comes cancer distribution through our body as known as 'metastasis'. According to Ivan S.Y.J's explanation, there are three major mechanism-spreading cancers proliferate and infect normal tissues such as, Transcoelomic, lymphatic and hematogenous. Firstly, in trancoelomic the spread of a malignancy into body cavities can occur via penetrating the surface (Peritoneal cavity). another mechanism, Lymphatic occurs when the cancer infects lymph node and travel to other part of the body. the last mechanism is called hematogenous, it happen when cancer proliferate into the blood stream. As the blood vessels exist in every part of the body, cancer utilize it to broaden their network. During the cell undergo proliferation, it forms small tumor known as micrometastases. This form will complete the process tend to be specific site of metastasis.
Ifan21   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today, the health care system world is threatened by nurse migration [5]

Hey Dioba..
It is such a great essay .
These following correction are subjected to your essay :

Today, the world health care systems are threatened by nurse migration. it is caused by various and complex problems (pay attention to subject-verb agreement ).
... why nurses moving from nativetheir country to wealthier countries.
... abroad to meet demand needsrequirement in Europe and North America. The other cases occurred in Philippines ()it is not a sentece just consist of Subbejec Past participle (V-ed forma without to be are not verb but rather adj) . They send thousands nurses working abroad and ...

The consequences of those policyiesis are the Philippines feel ...
Furthermore, the side effect (spesify bad/good) of nurse migration is their ...

Note:
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, the main idea of sentece, how and how to create the complex sentence correctly

Thanks
Best regard
Ifan
Ifan21   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of article Blind people use brain's visual cortex to help do maths ( Colin Barras) [3]

Have you ever wondered about the brain mechanism while solving mathematics problem ? Base on a leading theory, understanding number should links the visual experience because of strong between them. If it is so, how about the people who have been blind from birth ?. According to Shipra Kanjlia, Student of Johns Hopkins University, blind man can also do math. In order to examine it, she and her peers analysed 36 volunteers which is 17 of whom have been blind at birth. They observed the sample by conducting simple mental arithmatic orservation inside fMRI scanner. The results show that Blind man's Intraparietal sulcus (IPS),the region of brain, has also being activated. Hence, we have innate ability to compute number without visual experience is requeired. Further more, they also found out an extra area of the brain which is related to work on mental arithmetic problems particularly cortex. According to their experiment, the region from All of the blind volumteers who gave the correct answer was visual cortex. Thus, they suggested the extra region (Cortex) is also trigered by caculation process.
Ifan21   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED Old books reborn as art (Brian Dettmer) [4]

An obsolate book could be engraved become beautifully intricate forms and aesthetic art. Brian Dattmer,An Chicago artist and sculptor, found this gorgeous abstraction with his first creation which is called "Allternate route to knowledge". According to his justification, he have simply collected either fascinating words or portraits within the book and carve it by knife. Furtheremore, he seal the edge of it with a thick vernish to make it solid material in advance. Many kind of books which have been craved and become contemporary artwork such as: book of Raphael paintings who is Renaissance artist, traditional books, ensiclopedia, mechanics book, and even dictionary. All those mentioned books can be perfectly formed by utilizing knife and hold it by clamps and ropes. As the result, the out-date books have been trasformed into perfect art.
Ifan21   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Every person has take the control and responsibility for the type of life that he wants to lead. [4]

Hello andika
It is such a great Essay, Those are the corrections for your essay :

Nigel Marsh has ben (been ) having seven-year experience with in studying and writing about work- life balance. First, progeressprogress is the most important to use effectively time with family (Such a complicated sentence, make it simple ").

... most important elements (avoid using the most important, because it has to be the only one due to superlative ). They have solution for this issue for us. Every person has to take the control and ...

If you don't design (maintain/regulate ) your life, someone ...

Note:
You have to pay attention about purpose of your sentence and make it simple

Thanks hope it is useful for you
Best Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Revisiting globalization of English [2]

Hallo Ibal28
It is such a great Essay, These following are corrections to make it even better :

... two kinds of English language, the first is American (...) British English (Instead of using detail (first and second) i suggest you to change it into "Both are American and British English" ).

... of the foreign language (Languages ) education mushroomed ...
Unfortunately, Indonesian learners will fail to speak as well because it is ... (Simplify this complicated sentence by saying "Being second language, English will hard to be spoken well by Indonesian Learners " ). There are so many problems (two major factors ) why this issue began namely : firstly we did not practice every day as our mother language (Avoid in using word repeatedly) and Indonesian reportedly ...

Thanks and Good Luck
Best Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of Article "Air pollution is sending tiny magnetic particles into your brain" (Clare Wilson) [2]

nanoparticles magnetic iron are less than 200 nanometres can be found in your brain, how come ?. According to Barbara Maher study Tiny metal could be transformed to you brain through the nose and it might lead Alzeimer's disease. base on the research, 37 people who had lived either in UK or Maxico city was examined and all of their brains are containing magnetic particle per gram tissue of brain. the particles have introductory been recognized as natural iron as part of body molecules. The so-called harmless iron was observed in Electron Microscopy and stating that it is iron dioxide with round particles normally come from melting iron at high temperatures, which happens when fuel is burned. highly reactive Iron dioxide has been implicated in Alzeimer's disease. Furthermore, he explain that the magnetic iron compelling evidence that they come from pollution. As reverse Jo Anne Shatkin,US environmental health firm Vireo Advisors, stated that it is predictable due to she and her team had preliminary analyzed. Her experiment has equivalently confirmed that "iron oxide is present in the protein plaques can kill nerve cells which is lead to Alzeimer's disease".

Source : newscientist.com/article/2104654-air-pollution-is-sending-tiny-magnetic-particles-into-your-brain/?
Ifan21   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: This Woman Might have Found a Deep-Fried Rat's Head in Her Popeyes Meal [3]

Hey Fitri12
These following corrections are addressed to make your great essay even better :

That (That is only used if you've mentioned something before, so it is not suitable if you take it in the begining of sentence ) incident might be the most (...), when a woman , namedRosemary Thomas, posted rat head photos of what alooks like in her daughter's ...

... meal Popeyes in Harlem servinged my daughter, my niece, and sister." She even asked other users (you have to specified the which user..? ) to share the pictures ...

Thanks
Best Regard
ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED fusion is energy's future (Steve Cowley) [7]

One of the crucial problem nowadays is Energy crisis and greenhouse effect. Energy in the moment is dominated by non-renewable energy resource such as coal, oil, gas etc and all those three sources are even not eco-friendly. Hence, according to Steve Cowley,United Kingdom Physicist,we have to pay attention about perfect energy. It is indicated by several conditions namely; Neither take much space nor any carbon emission, has a virtually inexhaustible supply, safe, and no any long-term radio active ray will be released to the atmosphere. And the predominantly solution is Fusion. it had initially been known since 1920 when S. A. Stanley Eddington and the British Association of Science conjectured that's why the sun shines and it also the reason why starts become illuminated. Reaction of fusion between two hydrogen (Deuterium + Tritium ) isotope will release Neutron and Helium together with the equal energy 17.6 MeV. Deuterium is the heavy Hydrogen isotope which can be supplied by sea water and Tritium is super heavy hydrogen can be released by reaction between Litium and neutron. The statistic data shown that fusion can also be considered to long-term energy resources it is conserve until one million years of world energy supply. Hence, it firmly suggests that Fusion is the effective way to solve that decisive problem.
Ifan21   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TED) Judson Brewer: A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit [6]

Hallo abdasyari93
You have written such agreat essay, Those following are corrections for you :

It is triggered (inapproprate word i suggest you to use "regulated" ) by our brain which ...
Unfortunately, it is so hard to control and break a bad habit to go away from our mind (it is no parralel, one you use the conjunction "and" you have make sure that each word separated by and is paralell, it doesn't make sense "to control a bad habit to go away" ). This video provides (you have to mention which video ) the answer to deal ...

... people to change knowledge to (Change has to be followed by into "getting curious bring people to change knowledge into..." ) wisdom and makes them ...

In other word, mindfulness training is a simple way to break their bad behavior (it is not coherent with previous statement in my point of view ).

Thanks i hope it's useful
Best Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARY Article : 5 Ways To Listen Better [3]

Hello fira
Such a great writing
These following correcrions are addresed in order to make your essay even better :
Everyone have (everyone is belong to singular so it soppose to be followed by has )60 percent of communication time for hear to listen/hear.
... save from what we hear (human and we are not appropriate pronounc it has to be human and they). Listening as mean from voices. (?....what is the correlation of this sentence with previous sentence )

The voices location human on space and time.Sounds (sounds is uncountable noun, hence just sound) puts man in time ...
Hearing is the primarythe main way humans to feel the flow of ... (avoid to utilize the word repeatedly).

pay attention for sentence coherency, sentence and verb agreement avoid using word repeatedly...
Thanks
Best regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of article Stories Hide in the Design of DC's Newest Museum (Samuel Lube) [2]

In this day and age, talking about Architecture prospective we will be served the weird and unpredictable building. Reported by Sam Lubel ,DC's First-hand museum, This quintessential exotic museum officially opened in September 24. According to David adjaye, architects and designers of DC's Museum, called the concept by "narrative construction" which were conscripted 33 consultant to make its concept. inspired by the staggered crown Yoruban sculpture, the mode of architectural storytelling embodied in the museum's façade, a three-tiered, trapezoidal structure and more than half percent of it is situated underground. Additionally, this building was extraordinarily assembled by 225-foot-wide steel span 40 feet from the building, united by reflecting pool considerably as cooling effect. The circular window, dug into the back lawn, the penetration of sunlight will be preliminary resource for increase the temperature inside the building and water-filled come up from upon this museum. Finally, "It was about the ability to use technology to be able to transform stories and to make relevance of places and geography for people." Becomes well-known statement from David adjaye after constructed this incredible building.

Source: wired.com/2016/09/stories-hide-design-dcs-newest-museum/
Ifan21   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Internet Versus Newspaper and Books In This Present Time [2]

Hallo
It such a great essay, there are several corrections relating to this, namely:

... technology as a necessity of most of their activities (double in meaning if you mention about necessity, automatically the frequency of this activity is also high ). The technology is in particularly related to internet. Employees in office , students in university , even pupil in school utilize internet matching by their primary duty. regarding on what they need.

Surely, these all new habitual s tousing the internet have replaced old routine such as reading newspapers and books (it call parallelism once you combine adj and adj, noun and noun it has to be same structure plural noun has followed with plural noun after and, but, or ).

Thanks
Best Regard
Ifan
Ifan21   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary From TED "Tiny Satellites Show Us The Earth as It Changes in near-real-time " (W.Marsal) [4]

In this Cutting-edge, There are great number of capricious advance inventions will be immediately launched particularly for Astronomical approaching. Base on the report from Will Marsal, a Space scientist and inventor of earth-observing satellites, he and his team who from the Space company had designed magnificent small satellite called "Dove", which is 4 kg and 40 cm in length. It appropriately enriched by electronic sensitive system which can improve the resolution 10 times better than usual satellite.There were two fundamental reason why they reduce the scale of it namely; the first, the leading-edge satellite is big, expensive and slow; the second due to the earth constantly changing. It is considerably become a great satellite ever. Even, It will not be launched in massively only, but also will inform many information regarding on everyday Earth condition. because of bulky number of it, as an expectation it will back up every particular detail of place on Earth and also it will help developing country and humanity with easy-access information given by this sophisticated space technology.
Ifan21   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The greatest and most crowded subways in the world are located in London, Paris, and Moscow. [6]

Hallo rosadesiana,
I would like to tell you about correction for your great writing
these following corrections for you:

Subway is (...) requirement of a developed country (development country).
... by scanning the means of transportation,subway becomes a benchmark of how great is a country (inappropriate sentence because it's not coherent ). The greatest and most crowded subway in the world is ...

London has constructed (Suppose to be Past perfect "London had been constructed") the subway for the very ...
... which means the road has been dug, and the rail has been laid,then tunnel has been built meanwhile underground has been buried.
... mass transportation in Paris, to rival to London, Paris has been erected a fully gorgeously colorful architecture (sound's little bit weird double in meaning ) subway with (...) numerous passengers everyday. The third biggest subway had built in Moscow which is decorated with by statuary, painting and mosaic.

Note
Pay attention about grammar, preposition, use appropriate conjunction to connect the sentence separated by coma in order to elaborate your sentence

Viel Gluck

Regard
Ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some three cities with modern public transportation which have different function and structure [5]

Hello Alam, Such a great assay you made
Meanwhile i have several number of correction for your writing :

... public transportation which have different function and stucture (their own typical function and structure) each other (sound little bit awkward ). Three of the larg gest and most active underground ...

It was built in below ground (underground) in order to (...) for horses and people who walk in centre of city (walking in center of city/ pedestrian ).

Paris's Metro is smaller than subways, but it was famous for its beautyful (beautiful ) architecture.
... The Motro Moscow, which was found in 1935, was built ...
... defend our environment from some pollutions (pollutionit's uncountable nouns so there is neither singular nor plural form ) and greenhouse effect.

Thanks i hope it's useful for you
Best Regard
Ifan
Ifan21   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tourist guide dedicates to expound foreigner on place, building, estate, etc. [2]

Summary for TED "For More Tolerance We Need More Tourism" (Aziz Abu Sarah)

Who says being Tourist guide just dedicate to expound foreigner on place, building, estate etc. Base on Aziz Abu Sarah, Palestine Tour guide, explain about his another point of view about tourism. In fact, when he was kid, his brother has been killed by mass murder. He got angry and hold a grudge to foreigner. In reverse, he has significantly altered his mindset and have a good relation with the man from another country since he got chance to study overseas. Eventually he found his feet on Tourist guide. Base on his statement "Tourist guide not only explain historical story and place but also can be make a great relation with tourist". For instance he has fun time with another people who comes from country across the globe, like drink party and sing along together without any suspicious feeling. The most suppressing fact, that his co-worker is Israeli and they both have harmonious interdependence.
Ifan21   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Recent studies report that the level of people's stress and obesity increased in the last decades. [6]

Hey Paij1830
your have briefly summarized the essay and it's great :
here some corrections for you :

... stress and obesity increase than (than has to be superlative, hence it better to say "compare to" ) last decades.
... people do not wisely use (common word instead of use it's appropriately changed into "utilize" ) their pastime to rejuvenate ...
... natural environment is likely (sounds little bit awkward, i prefer say such as or kind of ) a good idea to recharge our ...

... spend the holiday in the country will help increasing concentration (utilize the appropriate conjunction), stabilizing emotions ...
... to cut the level of street (stress ) and obesity, both are caused lack of mingling with people around (it is passive voice so it's change the meaning "both of them caused lack of mingling with people around" ).

Thus, they are required (it is passive voice, change it into "they required to realize" )to realize the importance of ...

you have to concern about grammar, how to use the passive voice, try to make the correlation for every each paragraph, so I wish you good luck Paij
Ifan21   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Go a head, make up new words (Erin McKean) - Summary from TED [3]

Who said being global society has to be strictly considered about words?, it even can be created by everyone. According to the explanation from Erin McKean, a lexicographer, a person who compiles dictionaries. there are two kinds of grammar, those are natural roles and manner. first of all, it might be spontaneously reminded inside your brain, in the other hand it can be formed by sophisticating regulation concept in advance. Some group of people was agreed the communication has only to be understood by each other. well actually, there are seven approaches to make new word in English namely: adopt it from other languages, without change the meaning of terminology, so just use it appropriately. Mean while, we also can squeeze two or more of them, for instance brance (breakfast and lunch, and also electrocute comes from electric and execute). beside, change their operate example adopt can be used to talk about family, method, system etc. The other way to create the is blend words. then we can also make words from back formation such as relation between editor. who suspect the NASA can be form from 'The National Aeronautics and Space Administration', it is called squeeze the word initially, and lastly change the way to use it. Grab attention from the people in the universe by creating the new thought-provoking term.

Source: ted.com/talks/erin_mckean_go_ahead_make_up_new_words
Ifan21   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The coal was the most popular energy source in France - years 1995 and 2005 [4]

Hey Aris05
Those following corrections to make your essay even better :

Compere has to followed by to not in
The coal was the most popular (common/ general ) energy (popular energy isn't appropriate adj ) in France, it successfully broke ...
... higher than in 2005, at it was 29,27 % and 19,55 % respectively...

Thanks
Best regard
ifan21
Ifan21   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / On the video, the most things that Gore emphasize are optimistic and awareness. [5]

Hey Hajjatul
Simple yet great, these words represent how your essay is
but i would tell to correct some mistakes from your essay:

On the video, the most things (don't use thing, it is general in meaning, but if you want to set it you have to take it into singular form 'Thing' ) that Gore emphasize are (is ) optimistic and awareness (it's named parallelism, once you combine the two or more words you have to take it in same category , adj and adj (heroic and energic), etc ).

We, the inhabitants (sound's little bit awkward/weird change it into appropriate word such us people) of the universe, have to use the resources effectively. Let's optimize the utilityof everything we have , technology, for instance.

Taking the advantagees of television, radio and ...

i suggest you to mention CO2 in previous sentence to make correlation between sentence and conclusion, always concern about grammar
Hope all those correction is useful for you guys
Thanks
Best regard
Ifan21

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