Undergraduate / GKS essay - biology/bioengineering [2]

Which type of GKS application did you write this for? Undergraduate? Masters? Doctoral? It will be difficult for me to advise you regarding improvements without knowing the exact educational level you want a scholarship for. Regardless of the type of scholarship you want to receive, it appears that the essay you wrote is hugely irrelevant to the scholarship information need.

The GKS scholarship follows a particular information reference pattern. It is included in the application packet when you download it from the website. Specific information is required for each educational level. What is written here does not meet any of the learning level requirements. This is a typical high school personal statement for a college application. It is not GKS level writing. Write an essay based on the application guide questions instead.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2. Spoken communication is more powerful than written communication. [3]


This is your personal point of view regarding the topic. So you should not use it within the paraphrasing part of the paragraph. This should be moved to the later part that would help to create the foundation of your writer's opinion and thesis statement. However, it would not be very helpful since your response to the writer's opinion is incorrect. Rather than giving the measured response indicator, you are responding instead to an unrelated discussion using the positives and negatives format. The essay will receive a failing score in the TA section because you are not responding in the expected format. As such, even if you do well in the other scoring sections, which you will not because you failed to edit this essay for errors, there is no way you will pass the test.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Some people think children should start school at a very early age [2]

There is a lack of proper comparison discussion in this compare and contrast + personal opinion essay. The writing is based mostly on a personal opinion throughout. The writer has not considered the public opinion in comparison to his personal point of view in each paragraph. So the compare and contrast aspect of the discussion requirement has not been met by the writer. It is important that the writer use proper third person pronouns are used in every paragraph so that the separation of opinions will be clear to the reader. First person and third person pronoun usage are a key part of the GRA scoring consideration in this type of essay writing.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 : Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. [2]


You cannot use a conjunction to start a sentence since there are no words, phrases, or clauses to connect in that situation. This will be a GRA score reduction during an actual test.

The actual discussion format used is selective in presentation rather than a whole approach. The whole approach discussion for this particular essay prompt is as follows:

Sentence 1: Public opinion
Sentence 2: Justification of this opinion
Sentence 3: Personal view of the public opinion
Sentence 4: Justification of your opinion + Example
Sentence 5: Transition sentence into the next reason or concluding summary

The concluding summary is shorter than 40 words or 2 sentences. This is going to be deducted from the task accuracy score of this essay.

Graduate / EPFL Master's program in Applied Mathematics Statement of Purpose [2]

Since you are applying for a masters degree course, it will be best to highlight your college education, work experience, and future plans instead. Any additional information you can provide regarding continued education under a professional scenario will also be more beneficial to your application rather than looking back to you early study days. While you may have achieved a semblance of academic success in high school, you need to prove academic recognition within the college level and also, within a professional setting (whenever possible). The last paragraph is not very strong. It does not offer a strong reason to accept you into the school or the scholarship. It is mostly just a summary of notes regarding the university. You need to show a way that you can blend perfectly with the publicly known information about the school and scholarship with your personal character, insights, and ambitions.

Writing Feedback / secondary students believe that a university degree is the only passport to later success in life [3]

This is not a passing score essay even though you have over written it and over explained your point of view. Why? Well, the question asked was "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" Rather than responding with a measured response thesis statement, you gave a comparison discussion platform response. That does not comply with the given writing instruction so you will be deemed by the examiner to have already failed 50 % of this test. You failed to understand the writing instructions and therefore, displayed a lack of English comprehension skills. You will be deemed as not proficient enough in English to attend an English speaking school overseas. The writing format for this presentation was not met by your essay.

Writing Feedback / It is a natural process which animal species such as dinosaurs become extinct. [2]

Your discussion is not really very clear. You are too focused on using advanced vocabulary, which is not the purpose of this test. A simple explanation using everyday English words would have helped you gain a better TA, C+C, and GRA score. The discussion focus should have been on the extinction of dinosaurs as that was the original reference point in the prompt. This is the reason why your 2 reasoning paragraphs are contradicting, rather than supporting each other. There is no sense in the discussion you presented since the writer's opinion remains confusing and unclear to the reader. It will get a failing C+C and GRA score. Coherence is a major problem in your presentation. You have to make sure that your writing follows the previously laid out thought process in a clear manner.

Scholarship / GKS personal statement for Master of Science in Business Administration [2]

There are only academic accomplishments mentioned in this essay. While it is well written at first glance, the reviewer will immediately notice how you fail to qualify for the other aspects of the scholarship such as personal notable references. It is not enough to simply discuss your interests and reference activities. You have to be more specific, more precise in the presentation because of the specific accomplishment requirements. A mere reference to personal growth will not work because you will be matched with a future university should you be deemed worthy of reaching that round of scholarship considerations. You have 3 pages to respond to the question, so deep dive into your background in a meaningful way. One that will make you a memorable applicant on paper.

Writing Feedback / Some students don't enroll in science majors - why? [2]


This is a writer's personal opinion. It should not be used to start the restatement section as it is not correctly placed in the paragraph. You can still use this opinion, just make sure to place it in the writer's opinion section instead. Learn to use the correct keyword responses in the writer's opinion presentation. Do not be overly wordy in presenting your opinion. Respond directly to the positive or negative statement and give at least 2 supporting reason subjects for it. Otherwise, the paragraph does not meet preliminary scoring requirements.


Avoid the use of word fillers in the presentation as much as possible. That is because word fillers do not help move the essay forward. It turns into a redundancy in the paragraph as you approach the presentation of your topic sentence. Use a topic sentence as an anchor instead that will present an immediate reason and foundation for the discussion paragraph.

Scholarship / Food Science - Why are these knowledge and skills important to your country's development? [2]

The data that you present covers information relevant to your country. Therefore, the main thought of the reviewer will be that you should be studying the course in your home country instead of in New Zealand. You have to level your response in terms of coverage. If the problem exists in your country, how will studying in New Zealand help you solve the problem? How will the knowledge and skills you gain in New Zealand be applicable to ending the obesity struggle in your home country? That is barely addressed in the current presentation. You have not really justified your choice to study in New Zealand. Consider a more personal insight to achieve that purpose rather than a heavily researched based explanation as you have now.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university... [3]


This is a prompt point of view alteration that does not follow the intention of the original prompt. This change has affected the accuracy of the paraphrasing. It is not an accurate paraphrase and will receive a failing score. The lack of a clear writer's opinion presentation and summary is also a major problem as the preliminary score for that section, which is based on the first paragraph, will be 0 since it was not accurately addressed.

The causes and effects are only mentioned but not explained. That paragraph will be scored based on an under developed presentation section. The correct response would have used 2 related causes, explained within 5 sentences in the section. An under developed paragraph will not push your essay towards a passing score.

Writing Feedback / ielts writing task 2: transportation [2]

Do not write run - on sentences. The prompt restatement and writer's opinion section was written as a long sentence. It will receive a preliminary failing TA and GRA score. That is because the format for proper writer's opinion and sentence structures were not followed. These should be at least 3 sentences in this paragraph. The restatement should contain 2 sentences. The writer's opinion, should have 2 sentences, the opinion and the reason for that point of view in summarized form. Since the was no opinion or reason stated, the paragraph does not meet accuracy requirements.

There is no need to discuss the government POV in this situation as this is a personal opinion discussion. Your concern should instead, have been divided into the 2 reasoning paragraph sections for a more accurate explanation of your response to the questions. It is the inclusion of the government thought that caused the essay to go beyond 300 words, making it questionable if you can write such a long essay using the correct format, within 40 minutes,

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: "In many countries, the fast fashion industry has gained significant ..." [3]

You should not use the same phrase "fast fashion" in the presentation because that makes it appear that you just copied and pasted the original information. You could have said short wear clothes or disposable fashion to show that you have a wider vocabulary that would allow you refer to the same topic in an original way. The writer's opinion cannot be given a passing score as you merely repeated the writing instruction instead of delivering your thesis statement in the process. Without a properly developed thesis statement, you were not able to meet the writer's opinion presentation requirement.

Another problem in the essay is that you presented only 1 problem in the first paragraph. The second topic is not related to fashion so it deviated from the topic. So that will lower the score of the paragraph. The same problem exists in your solution presentation. Basically, the deviations and lack of thesis statement will be the reasons for the essay to fail.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1_Table_The number of visitors in the UK and their average spending [2]

The analysis portion of the essay is well developed. Although, a little bit more discussion would have helped you gain an overall better scoring consideration per section. The analysis is simple enough, but could result in a confusing presentation for some since you have a tendency to put the actual analyzed information last in the presentation. Try to keep it consistent by offering the information early on. It will help the reader build a better discussion image in their minds. By the way, in the summary overview, you should mention the types of measurement values used in the chart. That way the reader is not shocked to read the values in the analysis. Normally, that is an important part of the summary overview.

Scholarship / GKS Graduate Program 2024 PERSONAL STATEMENT - Interior Architecture [2]

While your motivations for applying to the program are admirable, you seem to fall short of the other qualifications as indicated in the writing guide. You do not speak of architectural influences that led you to choose architecture as a career, besides your desire to help the people of your country. The writing prompt clearly asks you to discuss the influences you have had in your life. Your mother is only one of the actual inspirations they are looking for. For example, a teacher who encouraged you to pursue this as a college degree. A part time job that opened you to more design ideas, and other similar presentations.

I also do not note any awards or recognition in your presentation, a must in the list of discussion points. You should also try to balance the discussion with presenting your personal interests in terms of hobbies, interests, or pursuits that go beyond your professional and academic interests.

Writing Feedback / the importance of Oneness [2]


Better than one? One what? I think you meant to say "Standing as one is better than standing alone." Alone is an indicative word that also means one.


Restate this section. Not all conflicts result in a physical quarrel. There are times when it results in a difference of opinion only. Oneness is all about peace. While eariler references are trying to sound peaceful, this particular sentence points to a sense of violence. Try to avoid that strong reference. Maintain the zen like presentation throughout the essay.


I would not refer to the government in this presentation. The people are normally opposed to or in disagreement with the government. People are normally united as neighbors though. So present that as a strong image instead.

Scholarship / Design in Architecture - AAS Scholarship - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? [3]

Remove your references to the university rankings in the presentation. You do not have to remind the reviewer about that. It is actually not a consideration for accepting a student in the AAS system. Showing that you researched the university choice, instead of basing the choice on academic and personal considerations does not work in this instance. It is also not a good idea to indicate that you did extensive research on the universities. I noticed that you mentioned that, but failed to put actual qualifiers for your choices. What was your criteria for choosing the university? More specifics, less vagueness. You are merely repeating researched information, which is not good for your application.

Writing Feedback / The international community should reduce or eliminate the debts of the world's poorest countries [2]

It is not enough to simply be against the idea presented when developing the Writer's opinion. Review the required opinion statement. It asks for the extent of your opinion. Therefore, you must present a measured thesis statement as a part of your response. You cannot simply be against the idea. You have to give a summary of why you are against it. 2 reasons covering 2 sentences in the first paragraph.

You have failed to use the single opinion defense in the essaym by using the comparison format, you have ensured that only one reasoning paragraph will receive a passing score. The other unrelated paragraph will not be considered and the final score will be based on an under developed reasoning g presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people [2]

While the restatement of the topic is aligned with the original discussion, there is a problem with the writer's opinion and the response discussion format that would lead the essay to get a failing TA score. The provided discussion uses the discuss both views and give an opinion format when the instruction clearly states that this is a single personal opinion essay. Therefore, the preliminary TA score will be a failing one that is based on an improper response format. A format that was used successively in the essay, thus leading to an incorrect discussion format overall. I am afraid this essay will not receive a passing score since you failed to properly address the writing task beyond the correct paraphrasing requirement.

Scholarship / Maritime and Logistics Management; how will the proposed study contribute to your career [3]

You can remove the first paragraph in this case. It is not really an opening that directly responds to the question or moves your response along in a meaningful way. I believe you are using it as a mere word filler to help you meet the maximum character requirement, which is not really important to do. You can come in under the word requirement provided your response is actually relevant to the discussion question.

The essay would benefit from a better focus on your career and how the studies will enhance your expertise. Citing some course objectives or subjects that would bolster your claims for an improved career opportunity in Ghana would be of a definite help in the discussion and work towards convincing the examiner that you have a solid career path in mind for yourself.

Scholarship / Sop to pursue PhD in Climate Change/ Hydrology [2]

I really did not see any purpose behind this statement. A statement of purpose should not be confused with a personal statement that describes your personal life or academic biography. The statement of purpose must focus on your continued learning experience and future career path. In this case, you should pick up the discussion from the time after you completed your masters course. What career path have you charted since? How close are you to achieving your ultimate career goal? How does the PhD work itself into the upgraded career flow? Consider all of your post masters accomplishments, where else are you lacking in skill or theoretical learning? As a PhD student, whose work do you feel you can collaborate with at the university? How does your desire to expose yourself to that field align with the original purpose of the pre-existing research or program?

Scholarship / Media - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? AUSTRALIAN AWARDS ESSAY [2]



Expand on these discussion points at the very start. These will be the basis of your university choices for the AAS. You may also include your criteria for choosing the universities at this point. It would certainly speed up the discussion based on the 2000 character count and prevent you from having to repeat the information over and over. However, that is not to say that you can clump the discussion of university choices into one presentation. You should still present the unique reasons you opted for each of the 2 university choices you presented. The reasons themselves are not strong. They are weak and generic in explanation. There are no stand out reasons for you, on a personal or academic level, to have come to these choices.

Undergraduate / ut austin transfer for mechanical engineer [3]


What words? You did not cite any quotation at the start. You should provide the quote as a stand alone sentence to kick off your essay if you wish to reference it as a part of the discussion presentation in the later part of the statement.

The first 5 paragraphs are not relevant to a transfer statement of purpose. You should remove those paragraphs and save it for a more relevant essay prompt within the application requirements. Instead, focus on your current college experience and the reasons why these actions have led you to decide to change schools. Paragraph 6 onward seems to meet the requirement for the discussion as provided by the writing guide. Remember the instruction asks you to specifically focus on your academic background.

Writing Feedback / There are more workers working from home and more students studying from home [2]


Pick one. You cannot use both in an actual test. This sort of undecided writing will cost you a passing C+C and GRA score. You should not be indecisive even when completing the practice tests. It is not the job of the trainor to pick one phrase for you. You have to do that personally, based on your confidence of the applicability of the given phrase to the rest of the sentence you are writing. Since this is a single opinion essay, avoid using comparison phrases that would lead to your writer's opinion becoming confusing to the reader.

Do not use a comparison discussion format in the essay since you were asked for a single opinion at the start, which you are required to defend over 2 paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - WORK AND STUDY FROM HOME [2]

The paraphrasing for the original topic is acceptable. The writer understood the writing task as can be seen from his properly developed opinion and thesis statement. However, that is not to say that the discussion followed the correct development format. It focused on only one of the 2 given discussion considerations when both were expected to be defended, in terms of his previously stated opinion. He must not veer away from his opinion statement, even if he references a discussion by other people since this is a single opinion essay. Both opinions, covering one paragraph for students, one for workers, must be seen as only supporting the writer's given opinion. Any paragraphs that do not provide a supporting stance will not be considered for scoring and will be deducted from the word count. The essay will not receive a passing score, regardless of the overwritten word count in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [2]

You have not met the 250 word count for the presentation. This will be an automatic failing score essay because of the percentage deductions according to the missing word count. In addition, the response format presented is incorrect as well. The expected answer to the writer's opinion should be in the format of a measured response. There should be an emotional response to indicate the strength of your conviction in your opinion. The rest of the essay presents ideas that are severely under developed in terms of explanation and defense. A comparison format was also used where a single opinion discussion was required. As such, the examiner will have no choice but to give a failing score due to the irrelevant response presented.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2- animal experimentation [2]

While your essay meets the word requirement of 250 words, and you will avoid penalties based on word count, the essay is not as applicable to the given topic as you think. That is because your prompt restatement does not adhere to the given information from the original.

First of all, the original does not offer a time frame for the given discussion topic. You created one in your presentation, indicating that you have veered from the open dated discussion reference. Second, You are discussing animal welfare rather than animal experimentation. Those are 2 highly different words that do not have the same applicable synonyms. Finally, you failed to reference the other side of the discussion indicating that some sectors support the experimentation idea, not just you. So these problems with the opening statement alone already ensure that you will not get a passing grade with this essay. You are not discussing the essay according to the correct topic format.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Online and traditional classroom [3]

Your prompt restatement is a failing paragraph. The establishing topic sentence does not meet the basic interpretation requirements as you have included information and reasons that are not a part of the original presentation. That alters the direction of the essay discussion in the process. It is this misinterpretation of the original prompt presentation that led you to not properly respond to the proper writer's opinion sentence. Your essay has already failed right off the bat. Your TA score will be scored based on an unrelated discussion and opinion. It may be impossible for you to achieve even a base passing score since the preliminary score is already a failing one. You are not using the proper first person pronouns in the presentation, which makes the discussion come across a a general opinion rather than a personal one. Then, the concluding paragraph is too short. You need at least 40 words in that section to qualify it for scoring consideration. The overall essay is a failing score one.

Scholarship / Engineering Project Management - skills and knowledge do you hope to gain from your study programme [4]

Have you written this statement in response to the AAS? You neglected to mention what scholarship this is for. Based on your university choices though, I am going to assume that is what you are applying for. Based on what I have read, your response is off base. You are giving a general response with vague references. You have to go into this statement with specific responses per university. The idea is to show that you see the value of every masters course in relation to your professional needs in terms of development or increasing your skill set. The post study reference is not necessary in this case. Focus only on the skills and theory reasons for your university choices.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Erasmus Mundus - Advanced spectroscopy in chemistry (ASC) [2]

Being an Erasmus Mundus motivational letter, I was expecting a far more interesting and informative presentation than this. Your letter is not as informative as it could have been. The discussion points are too clipped, summarized, for the reviewer to consider this letter an essential part of your application. There is a need for you to be more open in this letter, developing more than what you have here. Take these points, but explain further. Make sure the motivation always pops, regardless of what aspect of the prompt you are discussing. Only one part of the letter should be brief. The rest needs to be better threshed out at those are considered the most important consideration aspects of your motivation.

Graduate / Personal statement for master in information technology with artificial intelligence specialization [2]

Since this is a personal statement, it should not touch on your academic and professional exposure. The personal statement is meant to allow the reviewer to assess if you would be a social fit for their student community. That has more to do with who you are beyond the classroom and the workplace. That is why paragraphs 2,3, and 4 seem to be out of place in this discussion. The essay will definitely become shorter without those paragraphs, but it would be more adherent to the personal statement requirements. It will allow you to deliver more of a personal insight into who you are as a person, rather than as a student or professional.

Graduate / Short statement of purpose for RSM MSc about entrepreneurship and Climate Change. [2]

My opinion is that you do not really respond to the question being asked. Your introduction is confusing and not really directed towards the area of study you are interested in. Maybe you believe you delivered a qualified response in that paragraph, but you did not do an effective job of translating your idea into a believable word format. It would be better if you revise the total essay so that you can clearly explain:

1. How your beliefs will be supported by RSM as an MSc student.
2. What specific aspects of study will address your theoretical and practical needs. How does RSM meet these personal requirements of yours?

Reasons for choosing the university should be more related to the area of study and exposure you can get from both the university and the country. That is not what appears in your explanation.

Writing Feedback / The graph below gives information on the performance of a train company in October and November [2]

When you mention the type of image, it would be best for your score if you immediately include information about the number of line graphs and what these represent. When you do it in the 2nd sentence, it becomes more difficult for the reader to separate the image references in their minds. Always remember, it is understood that the reader will not have access to the image so you must ensure that your summary helps develop the idea clearly in their minds. Failure to do so could affect your GRA score.

The overall presentation is acceptable. Acceptable is not good enough. Try to develop your analysis and reporting presentation by 2 more sentences per paragraph to meet the maximum scoring requirements per paragraph. Show more intellectual ability in your writing task.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 1] Numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum before and after it was refurbished [2]

The most ideal word count for a task 1 essay would be 175 words. That would assure you of a good score per consideration section. 200 would be the maximum word allowance since you only have 20 minutes to develop this written task. Do not cut into the Task 2 writing time as much as possible since it would be extremely bad for your Task 2 score if you do not meet the full writing requirement due to time miscalculations on your part.

A pie chart was mentioned in one review. What happened to the analysis of the 2nd chart? Make the analysis and comparisons of the 2 pies clear. Address these individually and ensure that the reader is informed about the information difference. You did not do that in this presentation and yet, you managed to over write the essay. There is something wrong with the way you wrote the essay.

Scholarship / Essay for MS application (Topic: Comparison between two types of Electric Vehicles and their future) [2]

Unfortunately, I am not impressed by the writing level you have presented in this essay. Rather than sounding like the work of a college graduate with enough experience to discuss a comparison of electric vehicles at a post college level, you presented a paper that reads like a high school student wrote it as a part of a simple research paper presentation instead. It is not really notable in information, nor does it catch the interest of the reviewer. You have to understand that the papers being presented for consideration will be far more complicated than what you have developed and would show more learning potential and career promise for the applicant. The only way to fix this essay would be to have a professional do the writing for you. Do not use an AI in this case because the AI may not be able to provide the correct comparison slant for the topic.

Scholarship / Personal statement in Plant Pathology Ph.D. for KGSP scholarship 2024 [2]

You are already applying for a PhD scholarship. One of the highest levels of academic study. So application information should not be going back t elementary school. Data shared in the essay should refer to your most recent, post masters degree studies instead. There should be a track of continued learning and career progression present in the discussion. It should not back track to pre-college days, it should start from post college days instead. The prompt may seem open but the reviewers will be looking for certain information that has a demarcation line. At a certain point, they will not consider information provided. Not when it time travels to a period when your dreams were just starting. You are expected to have already achieve some of your dreams at this point. You should be able to discuss that thoroughly in this essay in relation to the prompt requirements.

Undergraduate / Sonography program essay for application [2]

The story about your grandma and how she inspired you to become a sonographer is the worst story you can share. You had no actual exposure to sonography that would have impacted you in a way that would lead to a career choice. Researching a career based on the dream of someone else, and without a valid reason coming from that person does not boost interest in your application. It actually serves to lessen the interest in your application because you have no solid ground to base your interest in the course on. There is no real calling for you towards that career. The last paragraph works even further against your application since it is a totally unrelated medical incident being presented to the reviewer. He will not believe anything in this essay because of the lack of plausible information coming from it.

Letters / For Review- Letter of motivation for Global Scholarship under Lund University, Sweden [2]

Paragraph 5 should be further developed. That paragraph offers you the opportunity to further enhance your qualifications as a potential student and scholar at the university. You already started it on a strong note, but then pulled back when it came time to discuss your student strengths in relation to what the university and its associate teaching arm represents. You have to make that paragraph stronger.

Never beg for a scholarship. Remove paragraph 6. You should get the scholarship based on your own merits instead of pleading for the scholarship because of your financial situation. Note that the scholarship prompt does not ask you to do that. Doing so could work negatively in terms of your application consideration.

Undergraduate / YSEALI essay application: The Future of Mental Health In Southeast Asia (2024 theme) [2]

You need to set up an actual scenario in the response to the prompt. The situation has to be hypothetical in relation mental health. This current presentation is way too brief to meet the 200 word requirement. It also must present an actual, possible problem that you would need to address in terms of mental health within the workplace. The depiction given is not strong enough. It does not meet the required application considerations. It would be better if you write a new essay so that you can consider creating a different scenario and address the possible leadership requirements you will need to display so that you can effectively resolve the situation. Language does not always have a mental health connection so you will need to figure out how to connect the 2.

Graduate / GKS PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR MS IN ARTIFICIAL [2]

The essay lacks in required substance overall. It does not provide information as required by the list of writing prompts in the application packet.this is a mere academic biography, which, although a necessary part of the application, should not be only content of the packet. You have selectively responded to certain aspects of the written interview rather than responding to all of the questions. That is more than likely because of your lack of actual qualifications prior to applying for the program. A GKS scholar should have at least 2 years or related work experience or exposure. Practical encounters that prove you have the theoretical and technical skills to complete the course. Try to create a more focused paper if you can. Your narration tries to cover too many unrelated information in the presentation. Develop a single outlook paper.