Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY TASK 2, it is about how human action can damage the environment. [4]

Your TA will fail in the preliminary scoring portion because you have not used the original topic presentation in your restatement. Your first 3 sentences change the focus of the discussion from the original, which is that human beings are the cause of extinction... Read your restatement and compare it to the original. You should see that the topics do not share any commonality whatsoever in the presentation. As such, your response has become unrelated to the original topic. More so, because you did not respond directly to the questions by presenting a proper thesis sentence and discussion subjects for your 2 reasoning paragraphs. This does not reflect effective English comprehension skills on your part. It shows that you have none.

You are over discussing this essay by not properly using one paragraph for problems and one for solutions. Your solution paragraph cannot be presented as the concluding paragraph because the essay requires a summary conclusion for its presentation. So you discussed the essay, stayed within the word count, but failed to properly utilize the discussion format as indicated.

Undergraduate / Application Form: Provide any additional information about your High School science and math [2]

The last sentence is irrelevant. What you should have done was used a few of the word count to describe what these competitions are and why it is important to your science and math background. You do not need to include a reference to talking to someone that failed to show an accomplishment on your part. You may also discuss how your school is (perhaps) STEM focused, allowing you pursue all fields of study in the field, which led to your focus on anatomy and physiology. It appears that you focus in the response is only science, you need to include a reference to math to meet all the prompt information requirements.

Scholarship / Question 1 scholarship; Why Curtin? Because it is a university that specializes in mining [2]

Your employment background should be mentioned in some capacity as the basis of the reference point for your course choice. What is the goal? In both choices, you mention the application in the future but not why you decided that you have to enroll in these courses. The present reasons for the choice must be represented first since your future application will only find relevance once your present or past employment is better understood by the reviewer. By the way, in the first paragraph, you used the phrase "I took" meaning you have already completed the course. Surely that is not the case. Change the reference to "plan to take" instead. Since there is no reference to a third university choice, you should remove that reference.

Scholarship / Statement of Purpose; Goal of Study & Study Plan Graduate : Art Management [6]

The goal of study will be your thesis proposal. How do you plan to spend your time researching a topic of particular importance to you and your career during your time as a student? What is the title of your research paper? Explain the meaning of the title. If it is based on a particular subject, what is the relevance of that subject to your future career? Why is it relevant that you do deep research into this aspect of your studies? As for the study plan, you need to show that you are familiar with the advancements of Korea in this field of study by mentioning how you plan to execute your research. Where will it be done? Why have you chosen to do research there? What aspect of the research will be completed there? What do you hope to learn from that technical exposure?

The presentation you currently have is improper and irrelevant to the requirement for this particular portion of the application. What the reviewer actually wants to see is how well you have researched the academic and technical advancements Korea has made in this field of study. This will show your tenacity as a student and your serious desire to complete your masters course in South Korea due to your familiarity with the field of study as Korea represents it.

Undergraduate / Interest in Engineering question for Waterloo [3]

You wrote a non-related response. Your current response is more applicable to the "Why have you chosen your course and Waterloo" prompt than the existing one. For this essay, the prompt is asking you to justify your preliminary training and exposure the field of computer programming. That means, you have to refer to any self-taught engineering theories and computer programming codes. List the types of exposure you have had either through competitions, collaboration with others during training programs and seminars you have attended or competitions you have joined, and the influence of Waterloo mentors and students (if any). You have no reference to any of these sections. You have failed to provide the information required by the reviewer for your qualification assessment based on the required data. Your application could, at this point, be removed from consideration since you do not have credentials to prove a true interest and basic foundation in your engineering and computer science interests, as required. This is all about preparation for higher studies, of which you seem to have had very little of during your high school years.

Scholarship / "Success is not final; failure is not fatal" - being a great participant in the Global UGRAD program [2]

Without the reference to how you have actually served your community, which is what the prompt asked you write about, this essay does not work as a personal statement. You do not have any community interaction that would prove you to be an upcoming leader or at least a civic minded individual who prioritizes helping others regardless of oneself. Yes, the essay is heart warming and dramatic, but there is nothing in the reference to indicate you are a socially responsible person. You were always a bystander or, helping your mom, which is not the same as helping your community. The essay itself does not work. It doesn't have the proper information focus, regardless of the personal connection present in the writing. Unless you can prove that somehow, you helped your community during these times rather than being a bystander, then you have failed to write a convincing leadership essay.

Undergraduate / BIOMEDICAL SCIENCES - University of Waterloo AIF [4]

There is a 900 character limit, you wrote 1652 characters. You will have to edit the content to meet the character requirement. Summarize your educational goals. You went overboard in that section. Your laser focus on your educational goals caused you to over represent your discussion reasons and in the process, write more than required in that section. You do not need to discuss what your post study plans are in this statement. You are only asked for your educational goals in relation to your chosen program. I believe that is the reason why you over represented. Removing all related discussions to your post study plan will lower the word count. Summarizing other aspects will also serve that purpose well.

Essays / You recently saw a photograph of an important school occasion - writing an informal letter [2]

The one thing you will not get from this forum, is someone who will write this letter for you. What you will get, it advice on how you can write the letter. It is simple enough. You need to be imaginative in this case. Write a short story in your head. For example, your father supposedly died when you were 8 years old. Your mother moved to a different place, where you grew up. Now 5 years later, you attended a birthday party of a classmate and saw a family picture that included your father, taken only recently. The worry, concern, and what should be done about it parts should become self explanatory from there. This is only a sample of a topic that can be used to write the letter. You can choose something else like attending a costume party and seeing a photo of Michael Jackson holding his baby over the balcony, among others. There are several ways you can write this letter. The focus just always has to be on danger or distress since it has to result in your being surprised or worried.

Scholarship / Business Development - YOUR PROPOSED COURSE AND INSTITUTION? (FOR AUSTRALIA AWARDS SCHOLARSHIP) [2]

You only responded to the course choice discussion. You did not indicate the university of choice and why you chose that university. The response should be divided into 3 parts. The basis of your course choice, which was covered in the first part, the course you chose and its application to your profession, delivered in the second part. The third part, that should have explained how you came to choose the university, based on these previous presentations, is sorely missing in the final part of the presentation. Have yo decided on a university to attend yet? Do some research into the university and how the program them offer directly relates to your interests, academic goals, and professional requirements. Those information will help you deliver the proper 400 word response for the consideration of the reviewer. You have some pretty good information presented here, it is just short in terms of discussion requirements based on the prompt provided.

Scholarship / [KGSP SCHOLARSHIP] GRADUATE PROGRAM - MASTER IN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE - Personal Statement [3]

Kindly remove the highlights and bold presentations in your statement. That is considered highly rude of any applicant. This is a formal essay, there is no need to shout at the reviewer, which is what you are doing by highlighting these information without an actual need to do so. You call attention to your skills as the reviewer reads it, not because you are shouting at the reviewer.

Focus on your undergraduate studies for this discussion because you are applying to a masters course already. The high school interests and your juvenile realizations are out of place. These motivations need to be developed based on your future career plans, in reference to your current experience and achievements. By the way, you forgot to discuss your family background in a manner that shows you will be able to support your studies in Korea through their financial aid instead of you probably seeking employment in Korea. Additionally, your family influence on your career choice and plans are vital in this discussion. Showing that you family supports your plans are of the utmost importance to Koreans as it shows your family respects you and holds you in high regard.

Your relevant experiences sound more like it comes straight out of your resume than you actually wanting to explain why these accomplishments are of vital importance to you and of value to the reviewer. I am not clear on what actual accomplishments you have in this area because of the summarized discussion paragraph. Pick your actual highlights and discuss it in as much detail as possible for reference.

Scholarship / The Engineer I want to be. Committing to the global community Scholarship Essay [2]

Here is the thing, your essay shows you not as a community leader, but as a community follower in both instances. The first, was when your father led you to learn how to clean up your community. The second, did not even have a leader present so you just guessed what you had to do by yourself, for yourself, based on what was present at the center. Neither elements showed you are a leader. So you have not properly fulfilled the requirements for the first part of this presentation. There is no real leadership in terms of local community service on your part so it is impossible for you to use this a reference to you possibly becoming a global leader. While the last 2 paragraphs as applicable enough to the later requirements of the writing task, it is the all too important first part, that may disqualify your application.

Writing Feedback / Jonas Salk, the Man Who Saved the World with Vaccines [2]

Well, this is an interesting personal influence essay. Unfortunately, without knowing if this is in response to a prompt, and what that prompt is, I am unable to offer you any solid advice for improvement or correction. It is always best to include some sort of instructions with your post so that I will have a reference point for reviewing your work. That said though, the paper itself is strong and fully discussed the man. However, as an influential character in your life, I do not see how he is relevant in your development as a person, an improved mindset on your part, or, simply an influential figure that inspired you to do something with your life. Like I said, the essay is a good summary presentation of the life of Salk, but how it applies to you and in what context is what leaves me puzzled.

Scholarship / Scholarship motivation letter for masters studies - how you can apply the knowledge and etc.. [3]

Be a little more specific in your response. What subjects will you be taking that will have a direct application to your situation Sudan? Such responses will help give clarity and urgency to the completion of these studies. Right now, you have summary responses, which do not really tell the reviewer much about how you plan to apply specific study points to your work in Sudan. Connect the work with the studies. That way the reviewer will be able to connect the dots and figure out exactly how and why you will be applying such studies in Sudan. Don't narrate the UN SDG's at the end either. The reviewer will not have the time to look up each reference number. Instead, be specific. Just mention the UN SDG program in general or as it applies to the plans for the development of Sudan.

Letters / Motivation letter for a fast track MSc program in computer science for excellent undergrad students [2]

You still offer a note as to why you chose to take advantage of this program as an undergraduate at the university. The reference to the quality of education you will continue to receive, based on your exposure to the professor should be one of the motivating factors presented in the letter. Try to remove any generalized references to learning. That is because this is actually a short form masters program so you need a specific educational goal, research focus, and reason for opting to pursue this program at this point in your undergraduate career ( I am unsure if this is a program you can pursue simultaneously with your undergraduate studies, or if you have to graduate from college first , then pursue this study track.). It is a good letter but can use more explanations with regards to certain motivational points. Good luck with your application. I hope I understood your presentation properly and gave useful advice since this is the translated essay I am using to advise you.

Scholarship / GKS-G Scholarship Personal Statement: Marketing Major [2]

If the first paragraph is your motivational statement, then you need to work on it. The motivational statement should provide the reviewer with the compelling academic and professional reason for your interest in pursuing a masters course. The prompts are only guide questions, you can place the information in any portion that you like, provided it helps to create a smooth discussion presentation to the reviewer.

Try to develop the family discussion a bit more. Since these are the most influential people in your life, their influence should be presented in more than just a single sentence. Who are they? What sort of characteristics do they have? What did you inherit from each parent in terms of your personality, interests and aptitude for learning, and other similar considerations?

Though you are no longer required to discuss why you are motivated to study in Korea, a quick, single paragraph reference to that would help your application. More than that and the essay is delivering unnecessary information. So, you don't have much in terms of achievements and influential people? Try to come up with some references to those as these are specific parts of required information. Skills acquired are acceptable. the exchange in Montreal is notable.

Though you are not required to relate the discussion to your masters course, a reference to how your experiences helped develop your motivation to study the course would help. Right now, I am not sure what course you want to study, what motivated you to study it, and how the Korean study experience can help you become a better masters graduate. these are not very well discussed or presented in the overall essay. Your motivation discussion needs to represent the academic and professional goals, always remember that. It is not to be used as a portion that presents your ideologies or beliefs in life. Those are not relevant motivational information.

Scholarship / Me helping people - Describe yourself in 285 words. [2]

The prompt is not about what interests you. It is about who you are. What are your personal traits and characteristics that you believe make you a unique person? Why should this of interest to the reviewer? Why do you think these traits will serve you well as a student? When you describe yourself, you can use something to represent you if you wish. Some people would say they have the tenacity of a Water Ox. Others, the compassion of Mother Theresa. Perhaps the diplomacy of Ghandi. Something of the sort. You could even say that you are a shark, or you are tenacious. Something that will help the reviewer understand your personality as it might apply to their college community or to your study interests. This is not really an appropriate response as it speaks not of your character but, of something of interest to you. You are interested in story telling. You want to be a storyteller. These do not really make you stand out as an applicant and says very little about your character.

Writing Feedback / Should sharing knowledge about scientific research, business and the academic world be allowed? [2]

You have turned a 5 paragraph comparison essay into a 4 paragraph personal opinion essay. The format for your response is incorrect. You are to use 2 public comparison discussion paragraphs first, then present your personal opinion. While you did discuss both points of view, these were done using the personal opinion method. Since this is not an agree or disagree essay, you should not use that format for this presentation. Always review the prompt for discussion instructions. Don't just assume that it is a personal opinion and agree/disagree essay. Familiarize yourself with the various discussion requirements for the task 2 essays. There are several that you have to learn about. You have shown that you have a misunderstanding of the response format so you should focus on that problem before anything else. If you cannot discuss the essay in the correct format, then your overall score will definitely suffer.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Family size essay [2]

Unfortunately, scoring is part of our premium services so I cannot score your essay. Any student who scores your essay will also find their accounts immediately suspended so don't even dare to ask students to score your essay or consider a possible score for your essay. Your account will get suspended also. The general review I will be giving you shall be sufficient for you to realize what potential score you might get in an actual test.

You should not use rhetorical questions in the prompt restatement. You are to restate the prompt using subjective topic presentations. These are the topic responses that you will be using int he 2 reasoning paragraphs. That means, you have to outline the discussion in the form of a thesis statement. Not a question, and not merely repeating what type of discussion you will be presenting. That does not give the examiner a proper overview of your English comprehension, vocabulary, and cohesion skills, which are part of the TA scoring consideration. Your restate is not effective and will not help increase your score overall.

This is a single opinion essay, not a comparative discussion. Either you think this is a good trend or not. Defend your opinion. In this case, you show that you actually do not have a clear opinion on the topic, since you decided to compare both options instead, that is another TA error on your part for which you will be losing scoring points. The presentation of your under developed personal opinion as a conclusion will further cause a problematic scoring consideration for your presentation. The concluding paragraph should be used to summarize the discussion. The opinion you have should have been made clear in the thesis sentence, then explained thoroughly in the reasoning paragraphs. These errors and problems shall pose a problem to your achieving a passing score in this test.

Writing Feedback / Cheaper international travel and more countries welcome foreign visitors. Adv outweigh disadv? [3]


- This is your thesis statement. The discussion topics should have followed as 2 topic sentences, all as a part of the prompt restatement. That discussion outline will help your TA score as it shows the clarity of your opinion in a summarized manner.

The more appropriate format for this essay would have been:
Sentence 1: Perceived advantage
Sentence 2: Why it is an advantage
Sentence 3: Your disadvantage opinion
Sentence 4: Supporting example
Sentence 5: Additional disadvantage explanation based on the example

The outline above would have helped you better and more clearly represent the required discussion points. Only 2 discussion points would have sufficed for this presentation, if properly discussed in the reasoning paragraphs. The way that you did it, the presentation became over discussed but with less clarity in the presentation. Your second paragraph had the more appropriate discussion topics, had you only properly separated these into 2 paragraphs so that you could have had a better chance at clearly and properly explaining your subjects / opinions. Your third paragraph is totally under developed as you decided to just keep presenting reasons, but not explanations to help support these reasons. It doesn't manner how many reasons you have or know. What matters in the scoring is the clarity of your explanation based on well selected reasons.

Scholarship / Korean broadcasting will change us for the better - KGSP Master 2021 Personal Statement [3]

This is a good draft. It is not yet a completed essay. You have amply described each member of your family, but not how your family dynamic has led to your personal qualities. The influence of your parents, or a parent in particular would help showcase the relationship you have with your parents, which is more important than the reference to your siblings, unless your siblings have influenced you in some way (Persons who have influenced you).

There is no clear motivation for your studies in Korea. How does Korean media influence this decision? What academic goals are you pursuing as a professional that would have influenced this decision? How would this interest apply itself to your career goals? Though there is no real research skills requirement in the prompt this year, it is still important that you highlight this as a skill you developed throughout college even if only for research, opinion papers, or self improvement.

It would be beneficial if you have a mentor to refer to in this essay since you will need to have that person write a recommendation letter for you down the line. As for your risks that you have taken, there is nothing remarkable about what you have presented. You are not the only applicant who had to attend high school away from your family. That is commonplace already. You need something more character building or skills development related that might catch the reviewer's attention.

The overall essay is weak and requires further development. My suggestions above would be a great place to start with making those improvements for your second draft.

Scholarship / Essay about how you can apply the knowledge once finish the education in the own country [2]

The discussion is totally off base. Remember that the prompt assumes you have already completed the course and you will now be applying what you have learned. So the prompt should be discussing your expectations for your career upon the completion of the course. Based on your understanding of the curriculum, which subjects will be the most beneficial to you upon your return to work? Why would these courses help you out? How will you apply it based on the requirements of your job? Talk about managed expectations and why these are important to you. Be specific, your discussion is too general in reference. Focus on the courses offered, training you might acquire, and how these relate to the problems you hope to resolve upon your return.

Scholarship / Global issues need global responses - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*? [2]

Use that quote, and refer to the original speaker, as a stand alone presentation at the start. That will be the hook of your presentation that will introduce the reviewer to your response. Start your personal response in the next paragraph so as not to remove the impact of your chosen quotation. Do not use the word "Furthermore" to start your second university choice paragraph. That word refers to "In addition", which refers to a related topic. Since you are changing university references, you cannot say Furthermore", use that term to refer to additional reasons for your choice instead. Correct these presentation situations and you should have an essay ready to submit once completed.

Scholarship / Aerospace engineering - Study Objectives essay for FULBRIGHT SCHOLARSHIP [2]

I feel that the binational impact needs to be stronger in terms to referring to America's possible use for your learning. Consider how the space and defense programs of both countries will benefit from your studies and how you can promote it. You have the background for it. You may refer to both NASA and Space Force for these aspects as those will both require the use of Nanotechnology. You may even refer to Elon Musk and SpaceX for more impact since he is looking for scientists and mechatronic engineers for his Mars program. All of these can help make your binational references stronger, impactful, notable, and important to the reviewer.

Graduate / SOP- SCAD - What first drawn me to a career as a visual artist were animations I watched as a child [2]

There is no real purpose for your studies. You have written a motivational letter rather than a statement of purpose. This is my assessment based on the general requirements of an SOP. Since you did not indicate the writing instructions for this SOP, I had to use the general reference. Is it applicable to this essay? I sincerely hope so because, even as a motivational letter, the essay is really weak and one dimensional. What is the actual purpose for your studies? Consider the professional requirements of your current job and you will develop your academic and professional purpose for your studies. Think of your previous training and studies, how did these fall short of your needs and why? These are some discussion points for consideration that should help you create a more targeted draft SOP. That is, unless you wrote this based on a specific writing instruction. In which case, you just wasted your single free essay advice opportunity by not letting me know about it in the post.

Scholarship / From mathematics to engineering- Personal statement should describe who you are and past experiences [2]

You mentioned engineering at the end. So change that reference point. Try not to keep mentioning Engineering because it makes you appear too focused on that subject. This time, focus on Math, since that is how you ended up in Engineering. That point is rather obvious in the essay. The last paragraph actually feels redundant. You can totally close with the prior paragraph, totally eliminating the engineering reference, but closing in a notable personal representation. You don't always have to fall back on Engineering. The less you make that part relevant in this essay, the better. However, I feel that you need to show a personal character development in this statement as well. If you want, you can explain how Math helped build your character, patience, sense of analysis, among other things. You can do that because you have a reference to international Olympiad participation. It would be the next logical discussion point at some point in this essay since, it is, a personal statement for the most part.

Scholarship / Evaluate the applicant's leadership capacity and potential to play a role in development [3]

The presentation is too abrupt and the use of your local currency reference makes it confusing to the reader. Either use a Euro or a Dollar reference for the benefit of the reviewer. You are only providing information to the reviewer, without providing concrete examples within the presentation paragraphs. These are only draft portions. These cannot be used as the actual reference response. It does not make much sense to the reviewer, who requires a clear English presentation of these reference points. Consider lengthening the presentation based on the suggested reference points in the prompt. This needs to have more information and more data to help you present it as an effective reference point for the applicant.

Writing Feedback / The foundation for sportsmen's success. PHYSICAL STRENGTH AND MENTAL STRENGTH IN SPORT [3]

Analyze the instructions before you write your essay. Look at what the topic is actually representing. There are 2 public beliefs about the topic. One in support and one against. Each one has a valid reason that the public supports because they believe it to be true. That is why the discussion instruction asks you to consider the two public points of view by discussing each opinion from the topic presentation in individual paragraphs. Consider both discussions, based on the supporting public sentiment, then offer your personal opinion. You are not being asked to compare and contrast the two opinions based on your personal point of view. So, what is missing in this opinion essay of yours? The proper comparison of the public opinions, prior to your personal opinion. You cannot simply say that you agree. The personal opinion needs to be based on a proper consideration of the public opinions based on your agreement and disagreement with these presented considerations. The personal opinion, based on this particular presentation, would have been better supported as a stand alone paragraph after the public opinion that you agree with.

The conclusion is also problematic as the presentation does not offer a proper summary of the discussion, which should comprise at least 40 words. All you did was present your personal opinion once again, which is an incomplete concluding recap presentation.

Scholarship / Applying the knowledge and experience essay. Sustainable Transportation SISGP [4]

In the future? You are being asked to respond to the question based on your professional goals for taking this course. How will completing this course help with your improved career path upon your return? Is there a promotion in store for you? Are you completing the course because you plan on applying for a promotion? This is not just about the future SDG goals, it is about the immediate application of what you learned. By referring to the SDG goal number ( which would be more informative if you specifically mention the goal instead. Don't make the reviewer guess or research what that is.) you are speaking of something far down the road in application. Think of the more short term goals of the program that your training will be able to immediately answer for. Then explain why it will be beneficial to achieving the program in the long term.

Letters / [Motivation letter] RWTH Aachen Summer School Scholarship-Supply Chain Program [3]

I am unable to review this motivational letter based on the specific requirements that you were obviously provided with. Kindly remember that in order to give you an accurate review, I need a copy of the instructions that you were provided with to write the paper. If I do not know what I am to look for, I am going to use a general motivational review standard, and tell you that this motivational letter is incorrect, based on the standard expectations. That is exactly what I am saying. As far as I am concerned, this is not the standard motivational letter. Your motivations are not really very clear and you seem to be focusing too much on your skills and experience instead, that do not really have a direct on the motivational discussion. Again, I am saying this without knowing what the writing parameters are.

If you want this essay reviewed based on the proper requirements, it would benefit you to either contact me privately or, make this post URGENT after posting the actual discussion requirements so that I can review the paper again. As of now, it is impossible for me to say how truly effective this piece of writing is. All because of the lack of writing instructions.

Undergraduate / Reasons to choose Waterloo and mechanical engineering- Help with AIF [2]

Summarize your educational goals. It is too long. You should be able to better explain that within 2 sentences at the most, focusing more on the reasons why you chose Waterloo instead. Your familiarity with the programs shows you have given ample thought to the reasons why you chose Waterloo. The second sentence actually feels like it could be removed without affecting the overall presentation. Maybe because it does not relate directly to the program specifications. I believe that sentences can be deleted. Try to create a more summarized educational goal for the first part of the presentation. That should work well towards creating a more concise response.

Scholarship / GOVERNMENT OF IRELAND INTERNATIONAL EDUCATION SCHOLARSHIP [4]

The essay does not show that you have had a long term interest in Ireland in relation to the culture, education, or social landscape of the country. You spoke solely about Nigeria in more than half the essay, which is not what was required by the prompt. The important part of this essay is to show that you have a familiarity with Ireland, its culture, way of life, or academic importance in the educational landscape. Your participation with them long term needs to be based on these interests as you discussed. These will show that you actually have a long term interest in Ireland. As far as your promoting the program, you did not accomplish that properly either in the last part of your response. Think of how you can promote the scholarship based on networks, social media, and highlighting your life as a scholar while in Ireland. Those should help you present more effective long term promotional considerations for yourself and the scholarship.

Undergraduate / Math, coop system - AIF-Reasons for Choosing The Programs [2]

You have to allot 300 characters per program. Revise the essay to clearly present your educational goal and Waterloo choice based on the word allotment that i provided. That way, even though you have an interest in unrelated programs, you will be able to provide a proper educational goal and Waterloo reason for each program. That means, you will write 150 characters at the most for each program education goal and Waterloo reference. Doing that will at the very least, allow you present a summarized thought process that could provide an insight into the required responses. It is better to divide the responses and have a clear reference for each required discussion point, than to have a summarized presentation that is going to be confusing for the reviewer to consider or understand. You don't have to connect the dots in this instance, you can present these programs individually since that is necessary to create a proper response on your end. Try writing these using a 2 sentence method. A straight reason for choosing the program and a clear reason why you chose Waterloo based on your program goals.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: the science and preparation of food should be taught in school time [4]

The prompt restatement does not have an accurate thesis presentation at the end. For this task, you should present one clear point of view for each public opinion, then your own point of view. This way, you present your reasoning topic paragraphs early on, showing that you have carefully considered the discussion elements and how each discussion has affected your personal opinion.

The essay requires you to use your own opinion or publicly known information. You could use the Harvard research reference, without mentioning Harvard at all, since that does not show a personal basis for the information or publicly known data. That is researched information, which makes the writing go against the written information sources. Use third person pronouns to indicate the public points of view and the first person pronouns for your own opinion. As of now, the presentation feels like it is generally based on a public opinion, without a reference to your personal opinion. Or, an examiner could take it the other way around and consider this solely based on a personal opinion, rather than a personal opinion based on publicly known discussion points. Either way, the presentation will be considered only partially correct in response presentation. The missing personal point of view is really glaring in this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the effect of technology using from home [3]

When writing these essays, you should first outline the discussion topics and discussion consideration. That will help you better understand the type of response to use for this essay. In this case:

Discussion Topics:
1. many adults are working from home
2. more children are beginning to study from

Reason: technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

Guide Question: Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

After having outlined the important aspects in a manner similar to what I used, you can see that there are 2 opinion paragraphs to be presented. However, these are presented first in the restatement as the last 3 sentences representing:

- Personal opinion regarding the given topic based on the reason provided (thesis statement)
- One subject reason for each discussion topic ( adults working from home (1 topic), students studying from home (1 topic).

Then the reasoning paragraphs will have 2 reasoning presentations based on each representative topic (adult WFH and children SFH). These discussion paragraphs should have a singular focus of defending your positive opinion. This is not a comparative discussion. Your current presentation uses "networking" as a reference, which is incorrect since the technology in use is "video conferencing". Social media channels are not used for wfh and sfh, only call video and call conferencing systems.

Your explanations are not properly represented. You only focused on explaining the part that pertains to you, which you understand, SFH. Your WFH explanation is really insufficient. Your essay will be judged to be under developed even though you wrote a high number of words. The explanations and opinions are not fully applicable to the requirements as I outlined above.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: world pineapple exports and a breakdown of the cost to the consumer of each pineapple in 2019 [2]

Incorrect vocabulary was used in the summary overview. The word "Otherwise" cannot be used in this presentation because you are not presenting an opposing data report. Rather, you are presenting a supporting breakdown of the information. Based on definition, the word "otherwise" signifies:

Otherwise - In other respects

Since you are not referring to an alternative representation but rather, an additional presentation, the proper word for use in reference to that would have been "additionally" since you are referring to extra information from another source:

Additionally - more or supplementary

The information from the pie chart was supplementary information presentation not alternative information presentation.

Scholarship / AAS - Accountant/Auditor - plans when you finish your studies?[500 characters] [4]

Your response is too busy. You are going to accomplish 2 goals simultaneously? Or will this be over a period of time? Focus on the easiest and most immediate accomplishment you can attain upon your return. Either share the information you learned by becoming a full time (not part time) teacher or, become a regular accountant at a firm. As far as I am concerned the information and knowledge transfer as a teacher will be more impressive than just becoming a regular accountant upon your return. There needs to be a bigger mission or sense of importance for your desire to study in Australia. You don't get that from the response that you will return to your country and become a Senior Accountant or Auditor.

Writing Feedback / Students choosing subjects - writing introduction for some essay [2]

One topic per thread

There are direct questions being asked in the topic. What is the reason? What is the effect? These are your discussion outline requirements. You have to present these as single sentence explanations in the restatement that you wrote. After restating the topic, you can state the reasons and effects. Make sure to choose 2 related reasons and 2 related effects so that the discussion paragraphs will be easily written on your part and clear to the reader. It is important to accomplish all of the task requirements in the opening paragraph because the TA score will depend heavily on how well you represent your English comprehension skills in that section.

Scholarship / GKS SCHOLARSHIP LANGUAGE STUDY PLAN BEFORE AND AFTER [3]

The focus of the language learning study plan is on Hangul and English. So the reference to the native dialects of India are irrelevant in this case. Yes, it shows your ability to learn languages from an early age, but, it is irrelevant to the prompt that asks you to focus a presentation on how you will better develop your Hangul and English skills. Even though English is one of the major languages spoken in India, it is important that you continue to hone your skills in the language while in Korea. Do not assume that your English proficiency will be more than sufficient for the course you will be studying. There is a reason why you are being asked to explain how you are furthering your English and Hangul studies before you come to Korea, this will show a dedication to learning on your part and, an ability to be socially interactive with all the students, whether they speak Hangul or not. So do not focus on just Hangul learning in the presentation. Balance it out. There is no need to mention the IELTS test in this presentation. It is the TOPIK test that will matter the most. Think about how you will develop your learning for both languages. Winning the international essay writing competition is irrelevant to the discussion. Do not make it appear that your English learning and usage is perfect, when you already admitted to having problems. You are changing the topic. You need to focus on language learning. The reviewer does not care for your awards, that is not a requirement in this discussion.

Writing Feedback / Ielts1 - The quantity of pineapple exports in three different countries and the cost of pineapple [2]

Avoid using long sentences in your presentations that require 2 different sets of information. In the first paragraph, you are to summarize the content of 2 identified images. Separate the information so that it will be easier for your reader to remember that there are 2 sets of information to be presented, based on 2 different information sources. Do not start the trending statement with "Overview", rather, you may indicate references such as overall, significant trend, measured regular increases / decreases, to name a few. There should be 2 clear trending sentences in this presentation. One for each image, or a combined presentation if the result is significant as a singular measurement.

While you wrote more than the required number of words, you will not be scored higher due to the significant problems with your grammar range and accuracy. You have shown two instances of run-on sentence writing, a lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your data presentation, and a failure to properly compare the relationship between the two images.

Undergraduate / Canadian entrepreneurs - Waterloo AIF, first question of Part A [3]

Your first half is too much of a dreamer statement. There is no realistic educational goal presented in that section. Bring that part down to reality by stating an actual academic goal or goals. Do not say the university program meets your desired educational goals when you have not presented any solid, realistic, and achievable reasons for your education. Making your wildest ideas into a reality is not an academic goal, that is a flight of fancy. The reviewer will find this uninformative and not really indicative of you being prepared for college. Rather, you will come across as a dreamer without a true direction in life.