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"My world has always been a small, rural town" - admission essay for UC's!

6 - I think you should bring your first paragraph to a close sooner, ad give a thesis sentence that really...

Undergraduatecoolnerd - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
IELTS:Are International Sporting Occasions a Safe Way for Releasing Emotions??

2 - Above, there are 2 spelling errors, so be sure to run this through a spell checker. Also, in...

Writing FeedbackRuah - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
UC prompt #2 My Ugly Hands

4 - Hey thanx for the comment! I revised it a bit and was wondering if you take a look at...

Undergraduatehershey1 - Nov 24, 2009hershey1 - Nov 27, 2009
The Republic of Trinidad and Tobago - Columbia University

2 - This sentence might make it sound like your selfless motive was actually rooted in a selfish concern that...

Undergraduatenileriver15 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
"a drunken stupor" - Stanford - intellectually engaging

4 - You are my hero, this is some excellent writing. The first sentence, and especially: After this frustrating experience, I...

Undergraduate26matrices - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
TOEFL "why is music important?"

2 - In the beginning of this essay, it is not quite right to say it is impossible to imagine a...

Writing Feedbackhitchhike - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
'professors do their job' - Why Ohio State University?

5 - Thank you everyone for all of your input....

UndergraduateMichelle - Nov 24, 2009Michelle - Nov 27, 2009
A Descriptive essay about Beauty feedback

2 - Use a comma: Beauty is not always what people think it may be, especially... It helps if an...

Writing Feedbacknursehelp - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
My Spelman College Essay, can you tell me what you think and give revision tips?

2 - Your first sentence is very astute; I like it. ...everything in its path, i ncluding my hometown of...

Undergraduatetmyra91 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
'science and education major' - Bates Supplement 2009

3 - While it is good that you specifically state all that will contribute to the school, your essay is not...

UndergraduateAriel829 - Nov 24, 2009joellek - Nov 25, 2009
writing poems + engineering studie - USC, short Essays

5 - thank you for your interest...

Undergraduatedeeprocker - Nov 24, 2009deeprocker - Dec 3, 2009
Formulating Hypothesis, research: anthropologist, a psychologist, a sociologist

2 - psychologist: "Differently" is not as specific as it could be. Make a prediction. Are they, for example, less...

Research Papersalex10 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
activities, academic instersts - USC Short Answers

3 - The late 18th century French philosopher Voltaire had said, "We must... You can use a dash for this...

UndergraduateTimMill - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Effects of violence - Essay intro

2 - You could start it off as Whether or not exposure to violence causes increased levels of aggression and...

EssaysMichele1248 - Nov 24, 2009anilverma - Nov 25, 2009
Bowdoin Supplement 2009

2 - Throughout my high school experience I have learned to identify multiple approaches to problem-solving, both as a team member...

UndergraduateAriel829 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
tiresome research presentations - CALTECH

5 - ok thank you!...

Undergraduatemofo120 - Nov 24, 2009mofo120 - Nov 25, 2009
decision to become a pharmacist - Essay Prompt #1

4 - Thus, my decision was not a departure from the normal (or aberrational?) This whole sentence is unnecessary. You already...

Undergraduateikutatomaluv - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Skepticism in students' study---GRE ISSUE

2 - Doubts lead to experiments, and experiments lead to deeper understanding, to solution, it and in this way skepticism can...

Writing Feedbackbluebonnet - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
UC Prompt "My passion for film sound"

2 - Unnecessary footstep sounds are making the movie seem awkward. What am I supposed to do? I have to edit...

Undergraduateacidyoo - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
I didn't earn my internship in Changzhou American International School easily

3 - Thanx Yooyoung!You're absolutely right!...

Scholarshipcamboj - Nov 24, 2009camboj - Nov 24, 2009
My grandfather - Essay for school.

8 - Thank you for your time commet2000 and Kevin....

Writing Feedbackjgv115 - Nov 24, 2009jgv115 - Jan 25, 2010
Advertisement is not a waste of money but an effective method of sales promotion

2 - Hello First off all , I would like to mention how well written this essay is and the vocabulary...

Writing Feedbackpretty0407 - Nov 24, 2009Ruah - Nov 24, 2009
My father, mother - UC Prompt #1 do you guys think its too much about the story?

5 - Oh alright, thanks for the extra advice. Ill post the edited one later. Ill try, but just to let...

UndergraduateHellobeautiful - Nov 24, 2009Hellobeautiful - Nov 26, 2009
leader and captain of the track team

2 - Since I am a role model for our team, A bit too boastful. Rephrase it as Since my...

Undergraduatelilytrinh - Nov 24, 2009cuddles - Nov 24, 2009
My school's cheerleading team - UC Prompt

6 - Thanks so much everyone! All of these edits really help! Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!...

Undergraduatekab00mb00m - Nov 23, 20096209jml - Nov 26, 2009
turned to basketball to help clear my head, Penn State personal statement

3 - Never start with a statement of the obvious. It is better to skip it. Start like this: Throughout...

Undergraduatetimmy11803 - Nov 23, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 20, 2009
SOP for Political Science PhD

3 - Great essay, but a little grammar mistakes based on the believe : believe should be "belief" Good luck!...

Graduatespirito - Nov 23, 2009fhy8883 - Nov 30, 2009
Mrs. Josephine Ghissing!! common app essay

3 - Thanks Kevin, appreciate it. Well, I chopped it down. I couldn't include the complete last paragraph though : (...

Undergraduatecuddles - Nov 23, 2009cuddles - Dec 5, 2009
I am about the farthest thing from the stereotypical New Yorker - Breaking Stereotypes

7 - Okay now i think your essay has potential. However, i definitely would recommend you to elaborate more with how...

Undergraduatechelseareana - Nov 23, 2009adanne1990 - Dec 19, 2009
UC prompt 2 a round of golf

8 - I really liked this. I was laughing a little bit even as I was reading it because I was...

Undergraduatedoug - Nov 23, 2009adanne1990 - Dec 19, 2009
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