|Undergraduate [25,517] - page 386 of 426|
|Hough Graduate School of Business - admission essay
2 - I'm glad you're dedicated to hard work and endurance, because you've got a lot of work to do before...
Undergraduateprincessbelle79 - Jul 24, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 24, 2009
|Family influence - violence essay
15 - Yeah, at the moment, after reading your essay, if I were the admissions officer, I would really like to...
Undergraduatejoshstabb - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 23, 2009
|FSU Essay - "Going to FSU will only make me stronger"
5 - It would also be nice if you could connect all three through some sort of common theme, or else...
Undergraduatekrisdp25 - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 23, 2009
|Admission Essay to Med School; "give me the bad news first"
Undergraduatemarian - Jul 22, 2009 / marian - Jul 22, 2009
|"My ultimate goal of earning an MD" - UF essay!
4 - I'm moving this to the original thread. Keep revisions in the same thread as the original essay....
Undergraduateschooler101 - Jul 22, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 22, 2009
|"My time with her count." - CommonApp essay - Evaluate a significant experience
Undergraduatellunachick2319 - Jul 21, 2009 / Liebe - Jul 22, 2009
|Obstacles in the road - Need assistance with UCF Prompt
Undergraduatejoshstabb - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
|Satisfactions from activities as a physician - Columbia University Secondary
36 - As a musician, you might benefit from exposing yourself to as many different genres as possible. Hip hop on...
Undergraduatevietfun2k - Jul 13, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
|Suggestions for personal statement for Top university (Chinese in Canada)
11 - thank you...
Undergraduatelacetti - Jul 19, 2009 / lacetti - Jul 21, 2009
|Need some advice with my Admission essay for Radiology tech program
2 - I'll tackle the first couple of paragraphs and then challenge our forum members to pitch in on the...
UndergraduateLisse - Jul 21, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
|AP biology - University of Florida Admissions Essay
Undergraduateyabbs1004 - Jul 20, 2009 / yabbs1004 - Jul 21, 2009
|Career aspiration essay - the pharmacist.
10 - Your aspiration is to be a pharmacist. Probably, you have some more specific ideas about that, such as...
UndergraduateYongKee - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
|The Most Influential Person in my Life essay (my husband)
6 - I'd like this to get to the point more quickly. I think we all know that children are influenced...
Undergraduateaintmissbehavin - Jul 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
|"My Name" - Common Application short answer essay
8 - And that's precisely your problem. I still say you should reduce the essay to a single opening sentence,...
Undergraduatevip747 - Jul 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 21, 2009
|My Heritage - in my own country I feel the most foreign. Common App. Essay
Undergraduatekritipg - Jul 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 21, 2009
|influential person my father
4 - 1. Begin with what is now your second paragraph. 2. Write more about your father's characteristics as these...
Undergraduateokons4life - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
|'in disbelief and shock after our win' - University of Florida essay
Undergraduatediiaa36 - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 21, 2009
|Discipline, resolution, perfection. - Common App 150 word essay
UndergraduateiHasWritersBloc - Jul 16, 2009 / jaredstabb - Jul 20, 2009
|"Experiences or accomplishments that defined me as a person"
Undergraduatejulien15 - Jul 20, 2009 / bretta49 - Jul 20, 2009
|how to reply an letter of acceptance
UndergraduateMchonos - Jun 24, 2009 / bretta49 - Jul 20, 2009
|About my environment - admission essay topic
7 - Can you unify all three points with a common thread? That would go a long way towards making the...
UndergraduateFoxyKittie14 - Jul 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 20, 2009
|(cheerleading labour) - PENN STATE PERSONAL STATEMENT
16 - Hey Brittney, I am also applying at Penn State. I just finished my statement: the title is "want to...
Undergraduatebrittanytrappe - Jul 9, 2009 / Michele1248 - Jul 18, 2009
|"Combining sports and grades" - UT important issue essay
Undergraduatebrandon - Jul 16, 2009 / Liebe - Jul 18, 2009
|"My grandparents" - UCF Undergrad essay
Undergraduatejennameister12 - Jul 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 18, 2009
|Stanford Experience Essay
7 - The entire essay sort of suffers from focusing on an experience that stoked your enthusiasm for engineering, when that...
Undergraduateaan027 - Jul 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
|'history and international situations' - UT essay: important issue
9 - Could you demonstrate some of your key points with specific examples? For example? As evidenced...
Undergraduatespalash9_9 - Jul 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
|The place we come from determines the person - UC admission essay
9 - And the first sentence in most of these paragraphs does sort of act as a topic sentence anyway. ...
Undergraduaterediat - Jun 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
26 - Yep. Your essay are normally fairly strong to being with, and with your commitment to revising them as strenuously...
Undergraduatevietfun2k - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 17, 2009
|Capital Punishment (the death penalty) Essay. Should be allowed or not?
11 - I was thinking more of getting free labor from bound people, especially people who have proven themselves criminally inclined....
Undergraduateorlando - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 17, 2009
|"Elaborate on one of your extra-curriculars" - 150 words or less - critique?
Undergraduatellunachick2319 - Jul 4, 2009 / FoxyKittie14 - Jul 15, 2009
|Are there any experiences or accomplishments that helped define you as a person
7 - Right. Everybody says that they have overcome obstacles and become stronger as a result. The idea is to...
Undergraduatebianxii08 - Jul 12, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 14, 2009
|Undergraduates essay to UCF
5 - I agree with sean, i don't think this essay answers either of the questions. Try to expand on your...
UndergraduateBallerinaskap - Jul 4, 2009 / krisdp25 - Jul 13, 2009
|The biological father plays a tiny role in my life, but my stepfather loves me like I am his own son
8 - Okay, since he tossed his siblings in there, and assuming that his siblings share his view of their dad....
Undergraduatebrandon - Jul 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 12, 2009
|Undergraduate Review, "Newton" (Rutgers University)
UndergraduateSeebConnect - Jul 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 6, 2009
|The personal statements for University of Wisconsin,
5 - As you revise, cut out anything that is unnecessary, vague, or wordy, thusly: "One thing that I am...
Undergraduatekw106 - Jul 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
|"My Mom" - help with most influential person essay.
9 - Notoman's sample essay is exactly the sort of model you need to follow when reworking your own. You may...
Undergraduatebrandon - Jun 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
|i need a little guidance on my admission essay..am i on the right track ?
6 - Strong opening, as others have noted. The central character in this essay, though, is your Dad, and after reading...
UndergraduateKTZ - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
|"Recognizing my mistake and a way to fix it" - help me with the repetition :)
5 - The experience itself is sort of interesting -- a coincidence of symptoms that awakens with in you an awareness...
Undergraduatepaircorner - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
|"How will this program help me accomplish my academic goals?
UndergraduateNickT - Jun 23, 2009 / kw106 - Jul 3, 2009
|'trauma patient emergency care' - Supplement essay medical school
17 - "It was a rewarding feeling to be able to help the patient recuperate from such a horrific trauma" =...
Undergraduatevietfun2k - Jun 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 2, 2009
|An appeal letter for Business Management Admission !
6 - Try rewriting your appeal letter using only 60% of the words you currently do, and eliminating every instance of...
UndergraduateDannyBoy - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 2, 2009
|Success could be measured by outcome, effects, or the influences one makes
4 - Yep, verbiage aplenty here. (Isn't "extra verbiage" redundant?) In any event, try to say what you want to say...
UndergraduateMayada - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 2, 2009
|The direction I want to take my education; UWashington Bothell - PS/software systems
UndergraduateCharlie221133 - Jun 27, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 1, 2009
|"I want to attend Chapel" - provide advice on how I can better my essay.
5 - Interesting read. Try to cut down on the double statements, 'unsafe and unstable' . They're unnecessary, and they slow...
Undergraduaterpwal7 - Jun 27, 2009 / Charlie221133 - Jun 30, 2009
|My UCF undergraduate admissions essay...I am dying to go here critiques?
6 - You could just delete the first sentence, and that would help a fair bit. You still wouldn't have the...
UndergraduateJennameister - Jun 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 29, 2009
|Georgetown School of Foreign Service Transfer Essay
UndergraduateEalgian - Jun 25, 2009 / Ealgian - Jun 28, 2009
|'The dean and the award ceremony' - common app essay- open topic
5 - Especially in conjunction with "trembling." This highlights a wider problem with your use of language -- you tend...
Undergraduatecutestchloe - Jun 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 27, 2009
|"My Hidden Treasure" - University of Illinois Essay
9 - Followed shortly thereafter by "there is" and "there are," though this will require some rephrasing rather than simple deletions....
Undergraduatedblaze98 - Jun 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 26, 2009
|Topic for my personal statement (characteristics, family history, culture)
4 - Thankyou :)...
UndergraduateFoxyKittie14 - Jun 25, 2009 / FoxyKittie14 - Jun 26, 2009
|Re-admission appeal statement (Reasons for Unsatisfactory Performance)
10 - When it was obvious that I couldn't fight my addiction, I should have sought counseling but I did...
Undergraduategodlyatheist - Jun 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 26, 2009
|Common App- Reasons for Transfer (is it TMI? it's not completed or edited yet)
15 - In these situations, you want to be very careful to follow all guidelines exactly. Luckily, as Sean has...
UndergraduateItaly - Jun 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 26, 2009
|"experience or achievement in your life" - Untitled Personal Statement
9 - It all so seemed superficial to me. I always saw it as everything television had portrayed it to be....
UndergraduateFoxyKittie14 - Jun 21, 2009 / Liebe - Jun 26, 2009
|Show how my university studies affect my career future?
Undergraduatephanphuongngan - Jun 23, 2009 / phanphuongngan - Jun 25, 2009
|FSU addmissions essay ("I believe your University will give me the knowledge")
Undergraduatebugie09 - Jun 14, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 24, 2009
|"No! Not another disgusting lizard, Grandma!" - Medical Personal Statement
26 - For introductory clauses, just remember that the modifier always, always, always modifies the noun that comes directly after...
Undergraduatevietfun2k - Jun 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 24, 2009
|A time-travel machine to go back in time in your own life and change something
Undergraduateivan9210 - May 7, 2009 / ivan9210 - Jun 24, 2009
|Need help with question - news story that will shape my future
11 - Of course, if CarlosGarcia19 is the sort of person who is specifically interested in related research questions, then...
UndergraduateCarlosGarcia19 - Jun 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 23, 2009
|When I first heard the news that I was moving to Brooklyn, I felt overwhelmed with anger - challenge
8 - It depends upon the criteria used to select scholarship recipients. If they are looking for someone who has accomplished...
Undergraduateatikin - Jun 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 22, 2009
|'study methods required to survive in college' - Statement regarding GPA
11 - Yes, it would only take a sentence or two to specify your new study habits. It is, of course,...
UndergraduateDrudoy - Jun 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 21, 2009
|Spinning my life events into academic potential - Letter of academic intent
Undergraduatearoundandaround - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 18, 2009
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