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|"How you?"; my first two words to my first teacher in the US -- Common app essay
8 - The essay is well-written, and proof enough that you have mastered English. And that seems to me to be...
UndergraduateanaMorphine - Aug 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 27, 2009
|"been there for my friends" - Transfer essay
UndergraduateCalLover - Aug 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 27, 2009
|Who has made you who you are today (my uncle)
6 - Hmm thats a good one. I really didn't want to choose my parents because it seems everyone chooses them....
Undergraduatefrancesca1465 - Aug 26, 2009 / francesca1465 - Aug 27, 2009
|"decision to change schools" - common app additional info response
3 - I agree. If the focus of this optional essay is your decision to change schools and what you got...
Undergraduateeyitskat - Aug 27, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 27, 2009
|Signif. Experiences: Bitter and Sweet--UF application-suggestions?
11 - Thank you for your suggestion, Llamapoop. I will try to rework the introduction, although, some have hinted that mentioning...
Undergraduatejankrav - Aug 17, 2009 / jankrav - Aug 27, 2009
|Common Application Essay - What lead me to my goal?
24 - yeh dont mention things to make it sound like people will pity you. i like the references to the...
UndergraduateLoliT - Aug 19, 2009 / eyitskat - Aug 27, 2009
|Green Bay, Help with UC-Berkeley Admission Essay
15 - Here's my problem with this sentence: The story of Adam and Eve is not universal and absolutely does...
Undergraduatewienaar - Aug 21, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 27, 2009
|"lust for knowledge" - FSU admissions essay
Undergraduateryanthelion - Aug 26, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 27, 2009
|UCB Transfer Hopeful
7 - EF_Simone: Thank you so much for your feedback! I tried to incorporate that tidbit as such: When...
Undergraduatetwofer - Aug 26, 2009 / twofer - Aug 27, 2009
|UCF Admissions Essay - Which topic does my essay suit best?
UndergraduateMieMie09 - Aug 26, 2009 / MieMie09 - Aug 27, 2009
|help pick my essay topic (applying to art colleges)
10 - haha yea i guess i'm ok with cartoons, still developing my style though x_x. nah that's a good amount...
Undergraduateautumnclouds67 - Aug 25, 2009 / autumnclouds67 - Aug 27, 2009
|Admission essay - Grandfather
7 - I love this essay. I think it was creative to use someone who you never met before. You don't...
Undergraduatedcqqqq - Aug 23, 2009 / MieMie09 - Aug 27, 2009
|"the League of Nations after World War 1" -Stanford Intellectual Vitality essay
Undergraduatethegerman - Aug 26, 2009 / thegerman - Aug 26, 2009
|Money or Health
10 - wow, you are more more better than me. Thank for your paragraph it help me to improve my essay...
Undergraduatejeffrey L - Aug 25, 2009 / jeffrey L - Aug 26, 2009
|'like a zombie' - Standord intellectual engaging supplement essay
14 - So should I modify the last paragraph so as to make the parallel more apparent, or just leave it...
Undergraduateeternal flame - Aug 24, 2009 / eternal flame - Aug 26, 2009
|RISD SHORT ESSAY
Undergraduatebenz - Aug 24, 2009 / h Y - Aug 26, 2009
|single parent home - Proofread, suggestions-MSU Personal statement
UndergraduateMG4192 - Aug 26, 2009 / MG4192 - Aug 26, 2009
|'Summer camp days' - Stanford letter to roomate
8 - hmmm... its relaxed and humorous, i like it but check others out... it seems like there more detailed but...
Undergraduateselter01 - Aug 22, 2009 / thegerman - Aug 26, 2009
|Why I chose to apply to UCF? (my journey to success)
21 - If there really isn't anything about the essay that is well written or if there isn't any good points...
UndergraduateMieMie09 - Aug 25, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 26, 2009
|(A cheating incident I was involved in) is essay topic is OK?
9 - ^People's decisions are influenced by other activities, surrounding them, that occurred in the past, or can possibly happen...
UndergraduatePhoenix1300 - Aug 25, 2009 / Liebe - Aug 26, 2009
|"horrible accident" - UC Undergraduate Admission TRANSFER PROMPT 2
13 - The tone is *much* better! You need to watch your verb tense. You are jumping around from present...
Undergraduatevuko323 - Aug 22, 2009 / Notoman - Aug 26, 2009
|"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"; Community Problem Solving
UndergraduateCjacobs17 - Aug 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 25, 2009
|"I eat fish" common app + uc app essay
8 - Your writing is very descriptive and really paints a vivid picture. The reader will feel a part of the...
Undergraduatemnkmnkz16 - Aug 24, 2009 / MieMie09 - Aug 25, 2009
|"When there's a will, there a way." - Common App Essay
Undergraduatedisplayname - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 24, 2009
|Art university communication and design department - how should i end my sop?
5 - I'm disturbed that your essay begins with two paragraphs about problems or failures. Start, instead, with some stories or...
Undergraduateaslen - Aug 24, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 24, 2009
|Help with making my common Apps essay concise and error-proof.
6 - This essay flows really well, and the structure and use of a large vocabulary is great. Like Sean said,...
Undergraduateyoungeebs - Jan 14, 2009 / Gabrielle - Aug 24, 2009
|many different environments and people - FSU ADMISSION ESSAY-ARTES
UndergraduateMooKYTheStar - Aug 23, 2009 / MooKYTheStar - Aug 24, 2009
|Why do you want to attend Pratt? (personal statement)
7 - "but never imagining how much I would one day aspire to create those images and tell those stories." ...
Undergraduateautumnclouds67 - Aug 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 24, 2009
|Supplement essay.(Language and communication)
7 - For me, all the learning of language was just took up for the sake of living environment of school...
Undergraduatelinhexi - Aug 21, 2009 / eternal flame - Aug 24, 2009
|'a study abroad trip to Italy' - Bowdoin Supplement
UndergraduateGabrielle - Aug 23, 2009 / youngeebs - Aug 24, 2009
|Interaction with one another, University of Miami essay
Undergraduatezoclorobert - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 23, 2009
|Penn State Personal Statement - 'activities or experience'
5 - wow. Whatever I was about to comment on, Simone already did it and pretty much said what I was...
UndergraduateGabrielle - Aug 23, 2009 / Liebe - Aug 23, 2009
|SOCCER PLAYER; U Connecticut - Person (profound effect)
5 - This is pretty much the sort of essay you want. Your writing style is solid, and the content says...
UndergraduateGabrielle - Aug 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
|A difficult accomplishment that you are proud of
6 - Try rewriting the essay, only taking a more narrative approach. The best way to describe a story is by...
Undergraduatetobesky - Aug 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
|highly zealous, energetic and motivated - UT Austin - Statement of Purpose
7 - It would be nice if I could incorporate my passion to serve the country by contributing to the development...
Undergraduatesparklingway - Aug 19, 2009 / sparklingway - Aug 23, 2009
|Who I Want To Be> Undergraduate Admissions, Personal Statement
7 - It really is a good essay overall, especially the tone of the essay. But "Instead of reasoning with...
Undergraduateschubzcrazee - Aug 21, 2009 / sparklingway - Aug 23, 2009
|"The human organism and its chemical processes" - Transfer Applicants, PROMPT #1
Undergraduatevuko323 - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
|Interests and aspirations in engineering (UMich essay prompt #2)
Undergraduatefat_b - Aug 16, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
|Intended major : Public Health <Applying to Berkeley & UCI>
6 - Your first paragraph, while well written, doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of your essay,...
UndergraduateCalLover - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 22, 2009
|Harvard (optional) essay- about Iran and travel.
8 - Yep, your new conclusion reads very well, and will work as a solid replacement for the sentence you had...
Undergraduateusername621 - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 22, 2009
|Common Application. Help me choose a topic between these two!
10 - displayname, I have no clue what you're trying to say. Are you asking a question? Or are you saying...
UndergraduateJosh316 - Aug 21, 2009 / Josh316 - Aug 22, 2009
|"A mother of thirty-seven" - UC APPLICATION
Undergraduatekirbs90 - Aug 21, 2009 / kirbs90 - Aug 22, 2009
|Volunteerism is like this: Rewarding Experience
Undergraduatesad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 22, 2009
|The Art Institute of Dallas admission essay
Undergraduateiluv_noodles - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
|commonapp #2: political science, discuss issue and importance
4 - Yes, in general, an admissions essay should be relatively formal. Yours is informal only in its introduction. I...
Undergraduateellenahh - Aug 22, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
|Which topic for college essay would be more likely to succeed?
UndergraduateIndigga - Aug 21, 2009 / tal105 - Aug 21, 2009
|"The negative impacts of capitalism on the world" - issue of importance
9 - I look forward to reading your next draft. If you want statistics about various countries, such as life expectancy,...
Undergraduatesweets13087 - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
|Solace in Suburbia - help with Common App Essay
Undergraduatek8tie - Aug 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
|"A well informed family" - MSU personal statement
9 - I think this is a fantastic essay! I also think the revisions are approipriate and good luck to you...
Undergraduatejyxff - Aug 17, 2009 / schubzcrazee - Aug 21, 2009
|"Yourself, goals, achievements etc.." my essay for FIT.
4 - Thank you so much Simone for your encouragement. It actually helped I hope it showed. This is my rough...
Undergraduateck1030ny - Aug 20, 2009 / ck1030ny - Aug 21, 2009
|More flexible engineering curriculum! ; TRANSFER Objectives & Reasons
6 - Yes, but there's a reason the pathetic literary device has been used by so many writers since ancient...
Undergraduatewuxia - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
|'The state of confusion' - UF essay...my surgery.
6 - Hmm, but Simon then how would it relate to the essay topic? Is deciding to be a doctor through...
Undergraduatejshirley - Aug 19, 2009 / Mayada - Aug 20, 2009
|"BODY SLAM"; Wrestling - Common App Short Essay
9 - Thanks for the feedback Simone and asyn. I incorporated what both of you said: When the local youth...
UndergraduateAphamos - Aug 18, 2009 / Aphamos - Aug 20, 2009
|"I say China, I say America" - UC Transfer Essay
Undergraduateyoulovewendy - Aug 17, 2009 / youlovewendy - Aug 20, 2009
|Hard work was preferable to the expense of neglected morals and sore back - Ethical dilemma QB essay
9 - Also, how do you indent the first line of a paragraph in the text editor? The tab key doesn't...
Undergraduateasyn - Aug 18, 2009 / asyn - Aug 20, 2009
|Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. - Common App
Undergraduateraven - Aug 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
|"Soccer is my inspiration" - Common Application 150 word essay
5 - Ideally, you will do both: Show off your writing skills and tell or, even better, demonstrate something about...
UndergraduateRay274 - Aug 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
|BLUE-COLLAR LIFE & CYCLING ; UT Austin transfer - SOP
2 - The essay is solid, because it has the advantage of sounding sincere. You are speaking candidly and well about...
UndergraduateDJKessler - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
|Personal Essay, "Life Defining moment"
8 - Your revised draft is stronger, though you begin relying heavily on forms of "to be" a bit too much...
Undergraduatebboysmiles - Aug 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
|"Something you do for the pleasure of it" - Short Answer
5 - No. If all of your sentences were that length, the essay would run into problems, but an occasional long...
UndergraduateJJH - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
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