|Undergraduate [25,739] - page 385 of 429|
|'I will not settle for C's or D's again' -University of California Personal Statement
NEW - This is my rough draft. Any comment/suggestions welcome! Thanks Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution...
Undergraduateisabelramos33 - Sep 7, 2009 / — -
|Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice
Undergraduatekeds51 - Aug 16, 2009 / keds51 - Sep 7, 2009
|Northwestern University Transfer Essay
9 - haha my bad, I meant Not predestine. Do you guys think i should talk more about the social events...
UndergraduateHolton89 - Sep 6, 2009 / Holton89 - Sep 7, 2009
|'Vacation Bible school' - Michigan......Diversity Essay experience
Undergraduateprobro - Sep 7, 2009 / ELL - Sep 7, 2009
|"an all girls Catholic school" - Diversity
Undergraduatemega - Sep 7, 2009 / tal105 - Sep 7, 2009
|'German heritage in Maryland' - a draft for the short answer section - Common App
Undergraduatemezmerize - Sep 5, 2009 / mezmerize - Sep 7, 2009
|'Dominating sports' - Overcoming Obstacles: University of Michigan
3 - Right, your judgment in going against doctor's orders might also be questioned. I know that this story fits into...
Undergraduatemeganyanik - Sep 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 7, 2009
|'Assisting others without compensation' - FSU Admissions
7 - Alright then, thanks for the help, and trust me...I don't mind criticism, so if you have any more suggestions,...
Undergraduatea_roulhac92 - Sep 5, 2009 / a_roulhac92 - Sep 7, 2009
|What appeals the most to you about our school - My admission essay
Undergraduatexcapedadinosaur - Sep 4, 2009 / xcapedadinosaur - Sep 7, 2009
|"It's not who I am underneath, it's what I do that defines me"--common app essay
Undergraduateeaglez1177 - Aug 11, 2009 / Rajiv - Sep 7, 2009
|"Chinese boy raised in Malaysia" University of Wisconsin Essay
22 - I'll get you started, grammar-wise: I am a Chinese who was raised in a small village from Malaysia,...
Undergraduatehktan1 - Sep 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 7, 2009
|"how we manage these imperfections" - Umich setback essay
18 - How about trying something concrete and specific? I would be so myself, but I naturally don't know the concrete...
Undergraduatelexi_z - Aug 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 7, 2009
|'Model United Nations' - MIT application essay.. Short response
UndergraduateMayada - Sep 2, 2009 / Mayada - Sep 6, 2009
|" Vires, Artes, Mores" -FSU topic
3 - Either give an example in your third paragraph in order to expand your ideas or take it out so...
Undergraduateionutalbu25 - Sep 5, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 6, 2009
|"my mother rubbing her eyes in exhaustion" - UCF personal statement
5 - your essay is good , missing some details at some points. write more comprehensively and please mention the constraints...
Undergraduateale1426 - Sep 5, 2009 / NEHALB - Sep 6, 2009
|Participating in the regional science fair (Common App- Short Answer)
Undergraduatekeds51 - Sep 5, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 6, 2009
|from africa to usa (how to start my personal statement?)
7 - I just deleted one of your comments on another member's essay. You must make substantial comments in order for...
Undergraduatekroseanne - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
|PRATT INSTITUTE ESSAY (why do you want to attend)
8 - Talk about personification! That sounds like the mark itself, rather than the writer or speaker, is excited. ...
Undergraduatebenz - Sep 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
|What would you do to improve the world? - Trinity College Schorlaship
4 - Llamapoop123 Sorry but I've just made up the outline. The creative form I told you above is my...
UndergraduateGilley - Sep 5, 2009 / Gilley - Sep 5, 2009
|"Out of difficulties, makes miracle" (Purdue University essay)
10 - ^I think you should. This essay is not that interesting. People do fail their tests in a while,...
Undergraduateryantan1121 - Sep 5, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 5, 2009
|George Washington University- Transfer Student Admissions Essay
7 - Right, but in some spiritual systems, the start and end point are the same place and journey is not...
Undergraduatecasetro311 - Aug 31, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
|Folding Diseases (UVA Admissions Essay)
2 - It's a bit show-offy, but readers expect that in an admission essay. I like the use of avant-garde,...
Undergraduatecatalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
|the pediatric volunteer - Common App- Siginificant experience
7 - ^Your use of the word 'aware' suggests your certainty, whereas your use of the word 'perhaps' does...
Undergraduatethisissparta - Aug 26, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 5, 2009
|LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW - "The Mission"; Apa format
4 - Yes, many of your sources seem to come from the JPL website, but as you have the author names...
Undergraduateskyrider2812 - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
|Applying to college after a 10 year absence; Non-traditional Student
5 - Firstly, this essay as a whole is really inspiring, and like Simone and Sean said, it's strong and pointed....
UndergraduateSFLady77 - Sep 4, 2009 / catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
|Transfer Admission Essay - a thoughtful commentary on your academic goals
6 - Media and their connection to the human experience are fascinating, so much so that this tepid statement falls...
UndergraduateCorpusCallosum - Aug 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
|"America's Best Colleges" guide - UCF Admissions Essay Help?
16 - What major? Why don't you say? This essay could have been written by any applicant. You need it...
Undergraduateshannyn92 - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
|Crippling an Insect (My Common App Essay)
9 - Thanks, I realize the last paragraph could be extraneous, and probably is given the negative response to it, so...
Undergraduatecatalyst0435 - Sep 3, 2009 / catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
|UMichigan, diversity and how you can contribute; Spring Festival in China
5 - You picked a good experience to write about, and I think the essay is fundamentally solid. That lets...
Undergraduatecissywdi - Sep 2, 2009 / catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
|Fascinated by the business world (Ryerson essay)
5 - Is there a prompt for this essay? I ask because your essay sounds like an autobiography of all...
Undergraduatesohelmatrix - Sep 2, 2009 / catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
|'Both education and Track and Field' - Stanford a good place for you?
Undergraduatethegerman - Aug 1, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 4, 2009
|Common Application Essay - Mark Twain
7 - Your revision is much stronger. In general, I advise people under 30 to avoid saying "nowadays," as if they...
UndergraduateGabrielle - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 3, 2009
|"My passion for hockey" ; extracurricular activity
Undergraduatefat_b - Sep 2, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 3, 2009
|"my laugh" - UCF application essay - first draft
14 - I enjoyed reading your essay. My comment would be to omit "It was the power of God that healed...
Undergraduateheddergirl723 - Aug 21, 2009 / SFLady77 - Sep 3, 2009
|Experience relating to religious diversity as a response to an admission prompt?
6 - I see......
Undergraduatehorn15 - Sep 3, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 3, 2009
|the International Baccalaureate program - UF Application Essay
8 - Sorry, no, but see the Forum's Terms of Service for your options if you are determined to have the...
Undergraduatebrojas30 - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 3, 2009
|"It takes more than good academics" - Florida State University Essay
11 - "The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what man is", said Oscar Wilde....
UndergraduateSxmBeauty - Aug 17, 2009 / SxmBeauty - Sep 3, 2009
|I hope to see hospitality industry in my motherland China thriving prosperously and being perfect
3 - Yea your writing style fades off from the very start actually. I attribute that mainly to your grammar. You...
Undergraduatecissywdi - Sep 3, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 3, 2009
|Exhibit Me --> Being a unique individual, I uphold specific beliefs
5 - ^Hearts are self-explainatory. ^I do not like this summarizing statement. ^Your paragraph funtions without...
UndergraduateMegumi - Sep 3, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 3, 2009
|UIUC Essay 1: Psychology Interest
6 - What do you mean by "the world of psychology." Which writers or theories did you happen upon? Which interested...
UndergraduateExadra - Aug 31, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 3, 2009
|'Corruption in schools curriculum' - Issue of importance - my history teacher
Undergraduatenancyroll1 - Aug 7, 2009 / Notoman - Sep 3, 2009
|describe the world you come from (UC personal statement)
3 - For me, this essay doesn't work so well. Why? Too much telling and not enough showing, I think. Instead...
Undergraduateayrustayy - Sep 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 3, 2009
|My Four Year Old Role Model (Common App Essay)
4 - Not bad. The story is good, as is the lesson you learned from it. As others have mentioned, the...
UndergraduateBNP67 - Sep 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 2, 2009
|"Crossroads" - Common App Personal Essay
10 - The first part of your essay now connects more smoothly with the rest of it. In taking out some...
Undergraduateusername621 - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 2, 2009
|"The #1 Bus Boy"-my work experience essay
7 - That's a fine structure for a TOEFL, CBEST, IELTS, SAT, or basic composition essay. But this lively little...
Undergraduateeaglez1177 - Sep 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 2, 2009
|"my own personal definition of success for the future" - UC ESSAY #1
Undergraduatechristiek - Aug 29, 2009 / christiek - Sep 2, 2009
|University of Illinois Essays (academic interest, work experience, service)
4 - In Essay 1, you do not discuss what your academic interests are and why you are interested in that...
Undergraduatendog92 - Sep 1, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 2, 2009
|"help me weigh these testicles": common, significant experience/topic of choice
16 - Your question threw me for a loop. Even though I have been reading a lot of application essays here,...
Undergraduatemmmargarita - Aug 28, 2009 / Notoman - Sep 2, 2009
|Is my asian immigration essay too cliche?
Undergraduatejessie270 - Aug 31, 2009 / dccb - Sep 2, 2009
|FSU admissions essay - i would really appriciate your advice. (rough draft)
Undergraduateitsjenbaby - Sep 1, 2009 / kmauer21 - Sep 1, 2009
|What cannot be learnt from your other applications? - Yale Supplement Essay
Undergraduateskitzlz - Sep 1, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 1, 2009
|"Why I want to major in economics?" - uc personal statement - prompt # 1
Undergraduatezhoudongzhou - Aug 30, 2009 / zhoudongzhou - Sep 1, 2009
|And the boy loved the tree?/ Character in a fiction
13 - The Stranger could work, but it would be much more difficult. Working with a book like The Stranger, because...
Undergraduatechristiek - Sep 1, 2009 / Notoman - Sep 1, 2009
|NO SUPPORT. NO RESPECT. NO HOMEFIELD.
14 - You should also know enough, in that case, to realize that writing is a highly subjective art, and...
Undergraduateomgitsshirleyy - Aug 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 1, 2009
|Thong Kheng Home for the mentally disabled (Common Application Short Essay)
Undergraduateyvonne09 - Aug 31, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 1, 2009
|My qualities as a person (caring, stern, calm, conservative) - UCF ESSAY PROMPT
Undergraduatemikefinfan - Aug 30, 2009 / MieMie09 - Sep 1, 2009
|College admission- short answer, career goals and community service
7 - My internship experiences at Cisco Systems and Lockheed Martin instigated my desire to capitalize on my natural aptitude for...
Undergraduatetkkt1 - Aug 29, 2009 / Notoman - Sep 1, 2009
|'My dedication to music' - FSU philosophy; "Vires, Artes, Mores"
UndergraduateSaturntheWolf - Aug 31, 2009 / SaturntheWolf - Aug 31, 2009
|At first, it was difficult to overcome my self-conscious barrier and obvious cultural differences
4 - Find a way to cut the extra ten, just to be sure. For example, "my self-conscious barrier and...
Undergraduatenhamwill - Aug 31, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 31, 2009
|My life, my environment - UCF Admissions Essay
11 - Better yet, try substituting "us" or "we", and see which one works best. This helps in those cases where...
Undergraduateerdcaged - Aug 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 31, 2009
|Home / Undergraduate|