Scholarship / Buddhist cloister. Is it an acceptable introductory paragraph for Chevening Leadership/influence? [2]

@Lao
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. As always, we're happy that you're here. I hope you find this feedback to be beneficial for your writing. If you do, please do approach us for more writing.

While I find that your writing is short and sweet, it would also be nice if you can provide more context and details. Doing this will improve how lively your text is, taking into account that written work should be taken in like this. Remember that readers feed off from details that'll sharpen their imagination as to how the flow of text would be. For instance, you can talk about a memorable experience you had as a tour guide. Who has stricken your heart and made you love the career? The more specific you are, the better.

Writing Feedback / How to convince about an Open Education Organization's activities and goals [2]

@masomakarimi
Welcome to the forum! We're always open to people who are willing to learn. If you find this feedback helpful, please do tell us - and we'll do our best as always.

While there were a lack of packed essential information on the first paragraph, I suggest that you attempt to revise the structure. Add more pauses with the usage of punctuation. Cut between lines to create smaller chunks of text that'll be easier on the eyes of the readers.

The second paragraph also faces the same messiness. Notice how the topic had switched midway instead of sticking to a specific topic in mind. Remember that it's critical to be consistent in these types of texts.

Remember to follow fundamental writing standards when working with academic essays. Do not place unfinished (seemingly short) paragraphs that do not expound anything. Try to be consistent as always.

Scholarship / We must work along with others to build our way to success. NETWORKING essay [2]

@Wara
Welcome to the forum! If you find any of the feedback you receive here to be helpful, I hope you keep coming back for more.

It would be beneficial if you can provide a brief background of the written work for us to appropriately assess the situation.

The first paragraph is excessively packed with details that are unnecessary. Specifically, the last sentence was quite messy in terms of how it explains. I suggest simplifying texts like this to make your essay easier to digest for the readers.

The succeeding paragraphs faced the same concerns. Because of the lack of flow of your content, you were unable to have an easier intake of the information present in the text.

Take a look at your third paragraph. While you had focused immensely on your personal principles, you were quite messy with how this all merges altogether into a specific flow of content. Remember that intent is critical when writing here.

Writing Feedback / Factors contributing to job satisfaction and the prospect of job satisfaction for all workers. [3]

@Veranda
Hi. Welcome here once more. I hope to give you useful writing feedback on your essay.

Firstly, appreciate the beauty of simplified and yet clear language when writing. It is critical that you do not merely write with the usage of heavy words. Rather, focus immensely on the overall flow of your writing. Focus on prioritizing information to add depth. Take a look at your first paragraph. You were unable to clarify the direction of writing because of your focus on overexplaining.

Aside from this, the second and third paragraph are both sufficient. It only went a bit downhill with the last paragraph due to the lack of analysis that would wrap up the entirety of the writing. Bear this in mind.

Undergraduate / A step to bring me closer to Harvard World Model United Nations 2020 [3]

@agungprwr
Welcome! I hope you're doing well. I'll be providing you feedback on this written work to hopefully assist you in writing.

The introductory portion of your essay is quite odd because of its structure. I recommend simplifying the text in order to inculcate more of an organized writing technique throughout. If you do this, you'll be able to see more meaning. This includes, of course, adding a more solidified thesis statement at the very beginning instead of a random blabber about the topic. This will create a clearer pathway for your essay.

The flow of the second paragraph (and other succeeding ones) is also quite messy. There wasn't an intent and direction with the introductory sentence and the last sentences. I suggest revising to create a more sophisticated writing approach.

Undergraduate / Essay about my qualities shown through my love for tea [3]

@Grace123
Hi. Welcome here. Come back to us if you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

I heavily suggest that you try to give a briefing as to the intent of the text. If you do this, you'll be able to provide more insight into why this text persists as it does now. This will help us provide a more settled feedback on your work.

Aside from this, I like how you had built an accented tone throughout the first paragraph. Just ensure that you create a consistent format by incorporating the same flow throughout. I would also recommend being more cautious of run-on sentences wherein you lack pauses that are essential for building informative content.

Try to also replace informal words such as "more and more" with terms such as increasing. Doing this would help you write with a more concise technique.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: children are becoming overweight and unhealthy [4]

@longbango
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. If you find this feedback helpful, I hope you come back for more. Aside from the feedback that's already been provided, I'll do my best to assist you even more so.

While the first paragraph is sufficient, I recommend revising it in order to improve the overall formatting of the text. The readers should be able to fathom what the direction of the work will be in the succeeding portions of the text. With what you have now, you have merely reiterated opinionated notions rather than expounding the entirety of the text. Bear this in mind.

Furthermore, I recommend expounding with more ease the reasons why the writren work should be given attention to. Add more intricate details that would create more specifications throughout your writing.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: education distance learning is quite efficient and convenient [3]

@jocelyne001
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. As always, if you find this helpful, do tell us. We hope you keep coming back for more.

While I appreciate how packed the first paragraph is, it is quite dragging how many details are smothered into this text. I recommend that you incorporate more technique into incorporating details to assist you in writing.

You also have quite a tendency to create stuffy sentences that are heavy to read. For instance, the third sentence of the first paragraph could have been divided into two separate portions. Remember that this tactic will help you write with more intention because you're focused on content you actually need. Your second to the last paragraph's last sentence also displays a similar concern.

Scholarship / Earning the role - Leadership and influence (Chevening Scholarship) [4]

@IntegrityFaj001
Hello. Welcome here! First and foremost, I'd like to say goodluck for your scholarship application. I hope this feedback helps you get closer to your dreams and goals.

The introductory portion is a stopper. It's a creative approach that's quite bold. While it's generally alright, I suggest trying to revise it a bit to fit into a more formal writing setting. For instance, try separating the quotation from all the block of text to assist you in writing effectively.

Try to separate your thoughts as an intern from everything else. You had dedicated such a chunk of text into writing. I recommend trying to make it more concise by prioritizing details. Focus more on how this experience translates to your personal - rather than merely making it a retelling of the story.

Writing Feedback / An opinion: if someone pays for a private school, he or she also supports the state education system [3]

@emins
Hi! I can help you with your writing. I hope you truly find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors. If you do, you can come back to us for more assistance.

Firstly, the introductory paragraph had issues concerning structure and flow. Notice how you had changed the perspective utilized in writing midway of this portion. Avoid doing this shift of character as it can appear to be an informal act to readers. Opt to write with intent.

Your second paragraph, while has a lot of valuable content and analysis, is too overbearing because of all of the information packed into the writing. I suggest triing to be more suggestive by simplifying the details. Overexplaining will not be beneficial for you.

Scholarship / Statement of purpose for higher studies in Materials Science and Engineering [3]

@AR13301
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I hope you're doing well in whatever you're looking after. I'm here to provide feedback on this written work to help you move forward. I hope this helps!

The first two paragraphs were decent as formal introductions. Despite this, the succeeding paragraphs had issues circulating mostly around the structure of your writing. Notice how you had lacked the usage of appropriate punctuation in a lot of instances, making your writing appear to be quite messy and cluttered.

Try to also prioritize details that you're plugging into the text. Remember that, while it's helpful to be descriptive, being overbearing can be pessimsitically perceived throughout your writing. This is specifically a concern for the third to fourth paragraphs. You do not need to mention all details. Simplify and reiterate why this is critical for the judgment of the readers.

Furthermore, using a first person perspective throughout is quite offputting. I recommend revising your first sentences for it to have more impact.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing TASK 1: Languages with the most native speakers [3]

@DanggDang
Hi, dear! Welcome to this forum. If you find any of the feedback you receive here to be useful, please do approach us for more assistance.

While the first paragraph is decent enough and passable, I recommend revising the first parts to create a more concise and form-fitting structure. You mentioned the terms "number" and "quantity" quite a bit here. Try to merge these two together as they have synonymous content. Apply this technique throughout to create a clearer and more consistent writing.

The third paragraph is also a bit too packed. You can omit, for instance, the first line before you began your analysis. Doing this would assist you in writing more effectively as it would preserve the dynamism of your work. This will also trim down your content so you're left with what's essential.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1: Money Spent and Consumption of Fast Food in Britian [2]

@Rae Zhang
Hello. Welcome here. I hope you're doing well in your learning journey. If you find this feedback helpful, you can always come back to us.

The first paragraph is sufficient. I would suggest, though, separating the two lines with something a little bit stronger. Try having two separate sentences with a period rather than a comma.

Apart from that, the succeeding paragraphs had concerns mostly circulating around the structure. I would recommend trying to make more concise your sentences to help readers digest the information. In particular, the third paragraph needs a bit of work in terms of separating your thoughts and prioritizing opinions. Try to observe and revise your analysis to better fit the main thesis statements that you ought to follow throughout.

Writing Feedback / You have seen an advertisement for a weekend job as a local tour guide showing visitors the city [4]

@Quoccuong
Hi. Welcome here! We're happy you've chosen us to review your writing. You can always come back for more.

I heavily recommend adding more dramatization into your writing through incorporating more descriptive lines. If you do this, you'll be able to utilize your space to have more signifiers throughout. This will also help the reader fathom the depth of your emotion a bit more.

Furthermore, do work on the pattern of your writing. The structure is off-putting because of how dense all the information is. Try adding dyanism by having more punctuation throughout.

When you have descriptions of yourself, try to solidify it by having real-life examples of how you have displayed it. Remember to sell yourself more as an individual.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1: the number of visitors and result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were [3]

@anggietw
Hello. It's always good to see new names on the forum. I hope you find this feedback to be helpful. Do keep coming back for more!

Before proceeding to the drawbacks, I would like to mention that your analysis of the writing is quite put together. You had quite a clear perception of how to drag your writing onwards, making your writing effective.

I would firstly recommend not compressing too much information into a short cluster of text. I have observed in your second paragraph that you had quite a distinctive writing because of the way you mesh things together. While you may find this necessary, it would be better if you can prioritize more your writing to make an extensive feedback possible.

The ending of this written work is also quite off-putting because it was quite a scattered conclusion. I recommend revising it into a simpler summation of things to assist you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 (GENERAL) You are studying for a qualification, and you need some time off work [2]

@KAURNAVI
Hello. It's nice to see people constantly coming back to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful as always.

While I find that the general flow of composition is alright, the organization of thoughts can still be improved. If you, for instance, introduce yourself first before proceeding to writing extensively, you'll be able to have a firmer introductory paragraph.

Furthermore, I would recommend working on the third paragraph. You appeared to have more run-on content due to how elaborate your writing is. Try to compose with more concise and simpler sentences instead of mashing everything altogether. This will help you write with more intention.

I would recommend retaining as well your last paragraphs. They're sufficient as they are now.

Writing Feedback / The report about ten nations dominating the world in the rice industry in thousands of tons [2]

@Hannah Trang
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback helpful. And if you do, you can always come back for more.

Please do note that it would be helpful if you can provide us with a photo of the graph to assist us assessing your written work.

Remember to be consistent when writing academically. This is critical. It is essential that you write with ease by having proper transitions and appropriate pauses. If you do this, you'll immprove the overall flow of writing.

The last paragraph also appears to be quite out of place. You can utilize this space to conclude your writing clearer. Doing so will help readers fully understand the context you're working with.

Writing Feedback / Essay task 1 : the change in percentage of people joinning in seven sports in an European country [2]

@ronaldocr9803
Hi. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback helpful. If you do, you can come back for more.

In general, I find that your writing needs a little bit work in terms of structure. Notice how you lacked the proper utilization of punctuation marks throughout. I would recommend being cautious of appropriate pauses. Observe the second paragraph. The two sentences were insufficient to comprise a paragraph. Try to stretch it out.

Your third paragraph had the same concerns. Remember that when you're connecting two sentences, you have to at least have a punctuation as a transitioner. Be cautious of this.

You can improve your writing more by simplifying your structures.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that the host country should welcome cultural differences. [7]

@Kerlion
Hi. Welcome to this forum! As you can see, we try our best to provide helpful writing feedback to assist you in your writing endeavors. I hope you gather something fruitful from all of this.

Consistency is key. Bear this in mind when you're writing. Remember that it's critical for you to write with ease, considering that you need to maintain a composed speech that'll help you write with clarity. In addition, I also recommend that you try to incorporate more pauses into your writing. From the first paragraph, it was already noticeable how you had barely used punctuation marks to structure your writing. Remember that simplicity and clarity are essential.

Remember as well that it is important for you to follow conventional writing rules. Be cautious of your composition's flow. Take a look at your second paragraph. The last sentence had quite a lot of fundamental mistakes.

Writing Feedback / The climate changing - even more crucial than species extinction? [4]

@f22542727
Hi! Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors. Keep coming back to us if you wish to!

I firstly recommend revising the first sentence due to its lack of precision in text. It's noticeable how this portion appears to be quite forced to be there. I would suggest to create a firmer and stronger opening line through not using an opinion to open up your text. Rather, use a more distinctive written work that'll represent your thesis statement with a bit more creativeness than usual.

From the second paragraph onwards, it's quite noticeable how your essay turned quite sour with the lack of proper punctuation and transitions. Because of this, your writing became a lot more informal. Try to avoid these situations at all times.

Writing Feedback / WRITING IELTS TASK 1: The process of milk production [4]

@zigzagboy001
Hi. Seeing as you already received feedback that's quite technical, I hope to focus more on a general perception of your text to hopefully help you write better.

I have noticed that a lot of your concerns exist within the realm of not knowing or being unsure about the transition of your words. I would recommend trying to simplify your language and attempting to use more concrete transition words to assist you. Words such as therefore, hereafter, moreover and alike are still helpful for writing in the long-run.

You can omit unnecessary descriptions also to help you write with more precision. Remember that these words are not essential for your writing, considering that your text needs to be focused on writing with ease.

Scholarship / Chevening Leadership Essay-My Leadership Experience in a Difficult Situtation [3]

@ahsan_daniyal
Hi there. Thanks for your consistent support and enthusiasm for this forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful in any way.

While the introductory paragraph was good, it did not pack a punch because of the messy structure. I recommend adding more structure by incorporating pauses and punctuation marks. This is critical, especially because it is quite difficult for you to be able to fathom with uneasiness. Remember that clarity is critical in these first sentences because they dictate the overall quality of text.

Do not pack and cluster too many thoughts in just one sentence. Observe how your second paragraph simply lacked precision in text because of the lack of prioritization of details. Be mindful of this.

There was also a lack of direction in the concluding paragraph. You were seemingly still explaining instead of incorporating details into the cluster.

Research Papers / Research essay on drug addiction and treatment [3]

@adrimarie21
Hi. Welcome here! I hope you're doing well. I'll give you feedback that'll hopefully help you in your writing endeavors.

Firstly, I find that most of your mistakes were quite fundamental and basic. You had no issues in creating decently understandable text. However, your issues were fundamentally rooted on the fact that you have been unable to construct it with that delicate tone that's being sought after in most texts. I heavily suggest working on this. You need to be able to write with ease and clarity. With the usage of punctuation marks, you'll achieve this. Focus on this for the first paragraph of your text. Remember this at all times.

Your conclusion is also lacking that emphasis that's necessary. I heavily recommend that you attempt to construct these details with more specifications to assist you.

Scholarship / Study plans to improve foreign languages (KGSP Undergraduate Study Plan Part A) [4]

@alyssa2036
Hello there. Welcome back here! I hope that you're having a great day. If you will, I hope that we provide you with critical writing feedback for your essay's improvement.

I find that, in general, there's nothing that is essentially critically wrong about your writing. Your essay is put-together and has a decent flow. My suggestion would be to ensure that your language delivery would be more flawless by essentially tapping into a more deliberate writing format with a denser structure. If you can focus more in having pauses with the usage of punctuation marks, then this would assist you in writing with more ease.

Try to simplify your sentences. Notice how a good chunk of your second paragraph was spent simply blabbering. Try to avoid this by minimizing excessive details that are unnecessary for your essay.

Scholarship / LEADERSHIP - My chevening essay on showcasing my leadership and influencing skills [3]

@cornel
Hi there, dear! Welcome. I hope you find all of this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors. If you do, please do not hesitate to hit us up once more so that we can assist you in writing.

Firstly, I heavily recommend revising areas that still need to be trimmed down. For instance, taking a look at your first paragraph, you need a little bit of structure and precision. You repeatedly mentioned yourself as an actor, making it quite excessive all throughout. I recommend that you try to minimize overexplaining situations and stick only to what is essential.

Using the word "so" (see your second paragraph, for example) as a connecting or transition word is also quite bothersome. Try to minimize this or avoid it altogether. Sticking with basics would help you simplify your language to create effective speech patterns.

Writing Feedback / The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money [2]

@KAURNAVI
Hello. It's great to see how enthusiastic you have been with all of this. I hope you find the feedback to be helpful for your writing endeavors!

I find that the first paragraph is too bulky. I heavily recommend adding in more structure by incorporating a lot of pauses through the usage of punctuation marks. If you do this, you'll be able to structure and pattern your writing with more ease and clarity. Remember that delivery is essential.

I also do not recommend having a lengthy introductory paragraph as this portion should evade clarity to make readers truly understand what is meant by the text. Once you have gotten this out of the way, you'll be able to construct with more ease.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1(GENERAL) an advertisement for a community college that needs teachers for night classes [2]

@KAURNAVI
Hi. Thanks for returning here! I hope to provide you with writing feedback for your essay.

The introductory paragraph of your essay is sufficient, I would say. You were able to elaborate with confidence and distinctiveness all of the necessary lines. Because of this, transitioning to the major bulk of your essay became easier in the long-run.

There were a few technical issues in the second paragraph still. You were unable to articulate with ease due to the delivery and construction of your sentences. I would heavily recommend trying to curate your details in a more sophisticated and put-together manner in order to assist you in the long-run.

Moreover, I also recommend taking your words step by step to make the process smoother. This means curating simpler sentences to assist you in writing with more clarity.

Undergraduate / My Lullaby: College admissions essay 2020 Topic A :Tell us your story [2]

@fiorepuli
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you will find the feedback you receive here to be helpful for your writing endeavors!

Before I provide a detailed feedback, I would like to mention that it would be helpful if you could provide a background as to the purpose why you are writing this essay in order to assist us in understanding the entirety of the text.

First and foremost, I heavily recommend trying to elevate the tone of your essay. It's noticeable how you have built quite an informal branding throughout your writing. Because of this, I heavily suggest attempting to eliminate the usage of unwanted and unnecessary texts (take a look at your second paragraph). This will help you stick with conventional writing, making your essay more effective.

In your third to the last paraph, you had a lot of sentences that appeared to be blabbering more than anything. I recommend trying to make concise your words to help you elaborate with more ease.

Writing Feedback / What does matter more: teaching domestic or international history? [3]

@vulong79
Hello there. Seeing as you are new here, I welcome you to the forum! I hope you find the feedback you see here to be helpful for your writing endeavors.

On top of what has already been mentioned, I'll try to curate a more structural and meaning-based guidance on the essay to assist you.

I think that the first paragraph can be improved if you focus more on prioritizing particular details of content. Taking a look at it, it appears to be quite messy how you just jumped into the first two perspectives in a snap. It would be better to have an introductory or supplementary line on top of it to build up your words a bit more.

The second paragraph is also a bit too tensed. I would suggest dividing it into smaller chunks.

Writing Feedback / Job satisfaction. Is it possible to achieve this by all employees? [2]

@min0822
Hi there. Welcome back here to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

Firstly, the introductory paragraph is quite messy because of the stretched out structure that requires a lot more precision. From the first sentence, you had already constructed a heavy paragraph that would make a reader have difficulty grasping the thesis statement of your work. Try working with simpler lines and compositions because of this.

You had committed a similar mistake in the second paragraph. Try to stick with simpler and smaller chunks of text to help you evade this issue.

The placement of example in the succeeding sentence also can be improved. If you add a concluding remark afterward, it would help improve your essay's overall outlook

Writing Feedback / Food waste is one of the biggest problems facing mankind today [2]

@Anthony VuNguyen
Hello. Here to give you feedback on this essay. I hope you find this helpful and keep coming back for more!

Firstly, the first paragraph lacks clarity on the direction of the essay. This portion should introduce not only the basis of the essay - it should also incorporate what readers should expect from the written work. You were unclear about what people should expect from this point onwards.

I would also suggest working on the structure and utilization of appropriate pauses. Your second paragraph lacks this one. Notice how the second sentence appears to be rather unusually long. Try to cut things down a lot more to bolster the process.

Writing Feedback / The pictures illustrate how Meadowside Village and its neighbouring town Fonton have developed [3]

@moon812
Hi! You're new here so I welcome you to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

Firstly, I heavily recommend that you create more concise and shorter sentences. Utterances should always be composed with precision, especially if you're working with a word count. Being more technically correct with your analysis is more important in these instances.

I would also suggest making more structured content. Try to incorporate more pauses through the utilization of commas and other forms of punctuation. Observe the second paragraph's first sentence. It's quite too packed for an introductory line.

Remember that consistency and precision are both critical for these essays.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: Internet problems and needed solutions like more rigorous regulations [3]

@Thangnguyen315
Hi. It's great to see you here again! I'm here to give you feedback on this written work. I'll do my best on that.

Generally, your writing is quite decent. Your grasp of the language is satisfying, considering that you're able to elaborate with such distinction throughout. I would only recommend trying to incorporate a more integrative approach through balancing out your heavy sentences with simpler ones. Take a look at your first paragraph. The essay needs a bit of work because of the heaviness of the words. This makes your work a bit tough on the eyes. Try simplifying a few lines to add more dyanism.

Your second paragraph is also a bit too lengthy. I suggest trimming this down a bit more.

Writing Feedback / Causes and Results of Rising Global Population [2]

@jocelyn wang
Hello. I hope you're learning from the feedback you're gathering here. I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

Firstly, I still find that the structure of your sentences can be improved if you keep a balanced approach to writing. Right off the bat, the first paragraph lacks a bit of direction when it comes to this part. Notice how you have squeezed all the information into two sentences when you could have had smaller chunks of it.

Furthermore, try to also be consistent with he tone and the perspective you're taking on in the essay. Notice how you switched your perspective midway in the second paragraph. If you're consistently taking on an outsider's insight, you can opt to keep it this way.

Writing Feedback / You can buy everything from internet nowadays. Online shopping phenomenon. [2]

@angelvyle
Hi there. Welcome! I'll provide you with writing feedback here on your essay.

Firstly, I highly recommend making more concrete and certain your lines. Doing this will ensure that you have more tailor-fit words to assist you. This will also trim down your essay to make your content more organized. Take a look at your first paragraph. The first line could have been better phrased as: "In modern time, online services have made people purchase larger quantities." Notice how it relays the same meaning but it a more concise manner. Try practicing this throughout your writing.

Structure is critical when writing. Make sure that you use the appropriate punctuation to capitalize more on the essential pauses. Furthermore, try to also minimize complex lines that do not abide by normative structures to simplify (and make more academic) the tone of your essay.

Writing Feedback / Books and experience are fundamental tools to gain knowledge [3]

@hhhaye
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

Firstly, clarity is critical in writing. Bear this in mind at all times. While you may find yourself consistently needing to handle a large chunk of text, constantly boiling it down to smaller pieces will help you have a more consistent approach with writing. Furthermore, I also suggest trying to evade the usage of informal language when writing in order to assist you in the long-run in writing with ease.

Speaking of simplification, I heavily suggest applying this to your second paragraph. Doing so will help you maximize your writing furthermore. Notice how you appeared to be blabbering at times already (third and last sentences). Have a more blunt and straightforward approach to writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2- problem/solution essay: Not enough students choose science subjects in universities [3]

@s410377088
Hi there. Welcome back to the forum. I hope you find the feedback you see here to be beneficial for your writing endeavors. I'll go on top of what the prior comment has already mentioned to ensure the delivery of a more precise and meaningful feedback.

Overall, while your writing is decent, I would recommend trying to simplify your paragraphs a bit more. When you focus too much on hefty texts, the readers may not be able to digest with ease all of the information present because of the lack of clarity in text.

Be cautious of your composition. Remember to be mindful of small details that can affect a large proportion of your writing. For instance, the second to the last sentence of your second paragraph needs a bit of editing due to the inconsistencies in structure.

Writing Feedback / The number of queries collected by the Tourist Information Office over six months - IELTS1 [4]

@hohatrang2002
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll be giving you writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this helpful - and if you do, you can come back for more!

The first thing I want you to pay attention to is the retainment of an academic tone and language when writing. Do not simply write without a particular tone in mind as this makes your text appear to be rather cluttered. For readers, messy chunks of text would make your essay difficult to comprehend and dissect.

You also do not need to give blunt analysis by describing everything that's on a graph or table. Focusing simply on one thing can assist you to furnish the entire text already.

Writing Feedback / Global climate change: individuals and government role [2]

@Winter
Hello. It's nice to see you again here! I'm here once more to provide you with writing feedback.

The first paragraph is quite well-done, I would say. You had a straightforward and yet put-together approach in writing, rendering the final work to be utterly nice and smooth to listen to.

I would only recommend adding more dyanism to your writing approach. Take a look at your second paragraph. While you had an excellent writing style, you had quite a hefty speech pattern. These lengthy chunks of text can be offputting for readers due to how heavy they are on the eyes. I suggest playing around with lengths and depths of composition rather than putting all of the complexity in one area.

Writing Feedback / An essay about discussing when it's better for children to learn a new language. [2]

@JackieMahamn
Hi there. I'll provide you with writing feedback. I'm happy to see you here again! Keep being an active member of the forum.

Firstly, I'd like to commend you for the clarity of text that you have. The first paragraph is quite excellent and clear-cut when it comes to showcasing a straightforward and yet put-together composition.

I would only suggest to try to eliminate the usage of words or phrases that'll not benefit your writing's flow and tone. For instance, the second paragraph should be phrased without the line "a ton of" as it indicates inaccuracy and uncertainty in text. Both of these traits, of course, is not to be observed and followed in academic writing.