Scholarship / I was not selected and I want to know why! | Personal statement of KGSP/GKS 2021 [4]

I cannot tell you why your application was rejected. While I am highly ffamiliar with the application and assessment process, there maybe some unkown considerations that the admissions committee maybe considering. Those who are not admitted are never told the reason as the student is expected to show an overall improvement within his next application presentation. You cannot focus on a single area for improvement alone. It will all depend upon the next set of qualifying discussion presentations.

Reading this essay, it would appear that you failed, and this is just a guess since I do not have access to your file and will never have access to it, that the application failed because this essay did not balance the discussion based on the discussion topics. I would have to review the other required essays to get a better idea of how these collectively contributed to your application rejection.

Writing Feedback / The state's expenditure on art [2]


You are not supplying a proper extent response. There needs to bea measured reference to your opinion. There needs to be a clear representation such as:

I partially support state funding for the acts to the extent that relates to... or I fully support ... based on...

The opinion statement needs to offer the measured response as a balance to your supporting reasons.

The discussion paragraphs use a comparative discussion where it is not required. This is not a comparison essay. It is a single s discussion. Avoid making this mistake in the future to avoid severe penalties in your final score. You do not need to justify the opposing view, just convincingly support your opinion using valid reasons based on common knowledge or personal observations.

Scholarship / Pharmacobiochemistry and environmental biochemistry; Study objective for Fullbright students program [2]


Restate this part to create a global impact on this field of study. The scholarship gives weight to applicants who lean towards global leadership skills and developmentbased on the international application of the studies. Aim for global rather than individual empowerment.

Your study slant lacks a final or series of goals that you hope to achieve. Just stating what you will be studying but not why removes the importance and impact of the research. I don't really see any clear future objectives included in this essay. It can use further development and content. You have partially addressed some portions and totally skipped others. Compare and review what you have in this draft against the requirements then revise it accordingly.

Scholarship / Essay for a medical 'PAINWEEK' conference scholarship [2]

The essay should lose the "We" references since this in an individual rather than group application. The reference to "we" confuses the discussion you are presenting. The content presentation should be focused on "I" rather than "We". Remember that the discussion needs to focus on the individual . No reference to a group context was made into the discussion prompts so I cannot understand why you keep making references to that. Revise those portions.

Pay attention to your presentation format. Use clear paragraph separations for each discussion topic to allow for clear presentation reading. Try to expand the explanations for a more understandable reference. This version is rushed, confusing, and obviously ', a not well thought out craft.

Writing Feedback / The differences in wheat exports among Australia, Canada and European Community from 1985 to 1990 [5]

Your summary is over summarized to the point where no relevant data or proper trending statement is provided. It lacks accurate image identification, measurement reference, and a singular . tend you want to call attention to for comparison purposes. your summary indicates nothing of importance or information to the reader. The summary overview needs an actual reference to . capsules of relevant information.

While the presentation is acceptable, there is a lack of connecting information in the second paragraph. Where is the commonality as indicated by the aligned points in the graph? Deeper analysis is required for this graph based on 1986 data. This is a specific comparison point that better illustrates how you studied the data.

Scholarship / When Angklung being the Learning Instrument in Europe (Motivation Letter for applying PETaL EMJMD) [3]

Without knowing if you are responding to specific motivating letter content topics, I have to say that this is not a motivational letter but, a personal statement. Based on the standard requirements of a motivation letter. this will not pass for one. A motivational letter is completed within 5 paragraphs or 250-300 words. It must only address 4 topics:

- Professional reasons for higher study
- Academic training requirements in relation to professional goals
- How you were motivated to choose this specific course based on the need to improve the current system
- Why you believe the university you chose, along with the course will spur the improvements you ambition to achieve.

Address these areas using proper English grammar and you will have a more appropriate motivation letter. These advice are based on general standards not considering specific writing instructions (if specified by prompts).

Writing Feedback / The graph and table give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 country. [3]

Upload the image /s next time. It is impossible forme to judge your writing accuracy without it. I'll do what I can based on this information. However, I will still need the image/ s next time.

The summary overview needs to presentdata overview based on each separate image. The sentence requirement for that partis at least 3 descriptive sentences. Your current version does not accurately describe the images. What countries were compared? If only 3 countries were referred to, then you should not be referring to global measurements, only country comparisons.

I believe you are using localized measurement references in your essay rather than the international standard format. Use the latter for clarity purposes. Not everyone is familiar with the reference style you used which can make it stressful or confusing for the leader. Consider the audience when you write and use the major writing format as required.

* Limited review due to lack of reference image.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart compares water consumption for three main purposes in different places in the world [3]


You start the report with an immediate error. The provided images are 6 pie charts representing 6 countries, not bar charts. Each pie chart consists of 3 divisions representing water use areas. Part of the task accuracy relates to image identification. Expect deductions for such errors.


not different places, different countries. Proper identification is a must in the task? essay due to the precise nature of the report in relation to the audience. Your LR score cannot be given a good mark as you constantly fail to use appropriate words in your statements.


... Asia , are at ... plural forum due to several countries being referenced. At this point even your GRA score is affected.

The errors I have pointed out here have score lowering potential. It is imperative that you improve your writing skills in these sections. Further studies and writing practice for these parts will help you improve your task 1 reporting style.

Scholarship / Starting a business - AAS Scholarship Questions [3]

The second paragraph is the better opening statement for your response. The summarized reference to your future career allows you to lay the foundation for the study areas related to it. Improve the presentation by focusing on your career plans rather than the business background of your community/ country. A quick reference to it will be okay, but not a whole paragraph. Developing the discussions presented in the second paragraph would better relate to the discussion requirements. Watch out for those punctuation mark problems. You may want to have your revised essay professionally edited when you are done with it. I am confident the revised version will better address the needed discussion. Relate your business plans with your study needs. Blend the 1st paragraph information into the 2nd paragraph. That way the 1st paragraph information becomes more relevant and influential in the discussion.

Writing Feedback / The diagram delineates the step-by-step production of chocolate [2]

Your summary overview had a good start but then, you dropped the ball when you tried to summarize the procedure. Rather than the continuous presentation, you should have inserted pauses in between. Instead of commas, you should have created a more informative overview by using clear sentence presentations instead. You didnot need to try and compress everything into one sentence. That creates a confusing presentation fear the reader, who has to track what you have written.

Based on the series of related images, you should have used the 4 paragraph report. It would have allowed for a better and clearer explanation of the manufacturing proceeds. The better explained the process, the clearer itis to the reader. Don't rush. Always outline your discussion before writing the draft. Avoid passing off the draft as your final paper. Always review and improve the presentation first.

Undergraduate / "My path to GS from running away from home" - Columbia General Studies Essay [4]


Emancipated is a legal term that gives you legal freedom from your parents based on a court hearing and decision. Since you just chose to leave your parents custody without court approval, I do not believe that you should use this legal phrase to represent your situation. Explain instead that you chose to leave home a year before you legally became recognized as an adult. Try to avoid misleading statements in your presentation.


What was the basis? How did this situation build up? Did it relate to your being queer? Create the background and explain the circumstances that led to your decision to leave home.


This is not unconventional work. Male, female, LGBTQ+, they are all represented in this occupation. You may want to rephrase the reference.

* Limited review due tothe complexity of the content. Please contact us regarding expanded private review services.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Essay on benefits of international sports events to host country [3]

This is a multiple point of view and comparison discussion. It is unfortunate that youdid not use the required paragraph presentation. Your focus was only on your personal point of view when the requirement was to


So the presentation required a focus on the following, within 3 reasoning paragraphs:

- hosting an international sports event is good for the country
- some people think it is bad.
- STATE YOUR OPINION.

The first 2 paragraphs require an explanation ofthe public reasons based on assumed information on your end. Use of thirdand first person pronouns would be useful in increasing your GRA score.Your discussion is incomplete and doesn't offer the needed explanations based on the original requirements. The restatement is already a failure due to the inaccuracy of your paraphrasing. The selective discussion you chose to write about will result in a non-passing final score as your overall discussion is incomplete and therefore, not within minimum word requirements.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: The global import of food (Positive/Negative) [2]


This statement is unnecessary as it does not address a specific discussion requirement in the original prompt or discussion instruction. Note the portions I struck out of the sentence. the . portion was the only required presentation.


Based on what simplified reasoning presentation? The thesis statement requires the presentation of the discussion basis. Summarize the 2 upcoming discussion points in support of your opinion. It will create a clear task/ discussion flow.


This paragraph runs counter to your presented opinion. Therefore, it should not be discussed in this single opinion presentation. Once the word count for this section is disregarded, you could get an automatic failing score for coming in at less than 250 words. Always present, supporting only, unless otherwise specified.

Scholarship / Renewable energy - Study goal - Posco Asia Fellowship [6]

You have too much of a background presentation in relation to the government plans. This is relevant to the purpose but not the goal of study. Your goal of study should be relevant to the course you will be taking as it applies to your participation goal in the goverment program. offa lack of these information creates a non-applicable essay. It is an empty representation of the goverment programs as you do not outline a clear study and learning path for yourself. This work must be deleted. No portion can be used in the next version as there are specific study paths required for the reviewers consideration.

Writing Feedback / Changes in consumption of margarine, low fat - reduced spreads, and butter between 1981 and 2007 [2]

For clarity purposes in the summary, separate the sentence presentations based on topic. The better format would be:

Sen. 1 - Topic and image reference
Sen. 2 - Listing of image sources and measurement reference
Sen. 3 - Years of reference
Sen. 4 - Trending sentence ( optional )

When presenting the summary this way, you show a clear preliminary analysis as applied to the immediately observable and noticeable information. The increased TA score is applied to the complete and understandable presentation of this paragraph. The maximum score boost happens in this section.

There is plenty of room for more analysis of the provided information. By using at least 3 sentences to represent the data, you allow for individualized topic focus. You will show a true comprehension of the data. One explanation per sentence. Do your best to create a grouped discussion for comparison points. Do not lump the topics into a single sentence . This essay needs to be scannable for information. so clear sentence references are a must for the presentation development.

You overlooked the equal points reference in the image. This is the point where the measurements met or crossed paths. Those are also notable reference points in relation to market consumption. While you may discuss any points you wish, the equal points comparison helps show better analysis and in the process, task accuracy.

Writing Feedback / Agree or not: Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success at school. [2]

Your approach to writing this essay is not in an appropriate task 2 format. I therefore, have to ask, are you writing this for the IELTS task 2 test or for a totally different, perhaps national English test in you country? I wish you had clarified that for me. Just so I could apply the relevant review to your written work. Well, I'll do my best based on what you have written here. I hope my advice can help.

The first paragraph is normally a formal representation of the original using your own words. It normally avoids a creative writing presentation using dialogue as that is not considered an academic writing approach. These essays do not require " hooks" in the manner you have done. It is understood that the paragraph is used to represent your formal understanding of the topic and reason through your originally worded explanation and opinion. I do not believe your opening approach is correct. At least, not based on formal, academic English writing.

Due to your justification paragraph supporting the importance of the influence of classmates, you have contradicted your opinion indicating the sole importance of the parental influence. This confuses the total presentation, proving that you failed to understand the single opinion discussion instruction and, that you do not a really have a supported opinion. If this were a task 2 essay, you would have already gotten a failed TA score.

The conclusion is only one of the many ewars in this essay. There are serious GRA concerns throughout each paragraph. From singular V. plural, sentence formation, and punctuation errors, we have our work cut-out for us. Do not worry though. I am willing to work with you. That is, if you want to work with me. We can start by you telling me what English test you are preparing for in your next post.

Scholarship / AAS Scholarship - Contribution to solving problems [2]

Work on presenting your work background first. Establish how or what your observations wire that led to the research discovery. What was yourposition and where did you work? What were your center passing stats? Concentrate on your center passing rate rather than the national rate since the solutions youappliedonly had a local or center based result. There is no sense in mentioning the national referenceif you cannot prove a connection regarding a remarkable national passing rate in relation to your center statistics. Do not try to create a national impact regarding your actions where there is none. It makes the essay confusing and difficult tofollow in terms of related and relevant information.

Scholarship / MSMEs Development - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? (AAS) [3]

Course choices per university need to be presented in separately developed paragraphs. Those paragraphs need to have a specific reference toyour understudy courses and professional exposure to portray a solid reason for each. Your discussion of these aspects are not convincing and sound more like you just rephrased commonly known information that could have been picked out of the website rather than your academic and professional needs. There are no specific reasons relating to your educational and work needs that prove an imperative need for these lines of study.

The choices based on noted graduates means nothing in this essay since you failed to connect these names to relevant reasons for your choices. Why are these people important to you? How did they influence the course choice and university beyond being university alumna? Since you mention the names without relevance, the reviewer could care less about these names as mentioned.

Writing Feedback / The Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types. Can you help me on this IELTS 1? [2]

Give a more defined description of the table. Indicate the number of rows and columns as these will help with the creation of the mental picture of the provided image. Do not rely on an over statement, rather than trending statement to make up the summary over view. Start the comparisons in the second paragraph. Based on the info provided, this should be completed asa 4 paragraph report. That means, you should combine the trending statement in the summary overview. That type of presentation will help you meet the 3 sentence per paragraph.

As for the rest of your paragraphs, you do not really have an analysis presented in each. Rather, you created run-on sentences of data. The presentations do not have a clear analysis presented as the focus was only on quick information dissemination as opposed to a thorough comparison per year for each section. This presentation nor resulted in missing punctuation marks, which means several GRA deductions will be made along with C&C reductions.

This a good effort. You know how to present information but, you need to work on the clear analysis part since that is a major skill requirement for higher studies in the US, UK, Australia, and other parts of the Western and European hemisphere.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing practice test review - enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office [3]

There is a 1 topic per thread policy at this forum. I can only help you withthe task 1 presentation. You have to post the task 2 essay in a new thread or risk an account suspension sorry, but those are the rules and all the forum members must follow them.

Although you wrote 173 words for the task, well over the minimum word representation , the presentation is not based on the required format, lacks a proper summary presentation, and does not represent a thorough analysis written for a specific audience.

A properly presented summary overview focuses on indicating the important information sources, measurement presentation, and inclusive months, aside from the year reference. The image also contains overlapping comparative points that should have been presented. The long paragraph, based on the content, should have been separated into 2 analytical paragraphs. This work is forgivable for a first timer, but could result in a failure in the actual test.

Writing Feedback / It is often said that that songs help to connect others around the world. Do you agree? [3]

Essays in this task that have at least 275-300 words in it tend to get better scoring considerations overall as it highlights better developed or explained paragraphs. It provides more clarity to the discussion hence, a higher score in each section.


You will have a much clearer opinion presentation and TA score if you present the 2 supporting topics beforehand. It will set the tone of your opinion and allow a proper overview of the discussion paragraphs.

Avoid making comparative discussions within essays that ask for a single opinion for the presentation. The test requires you to prove that you can defend your opinion based on acceptable reasons. If the essay instruction does not indicate any of the following, then it is not a comparative essay :

Compare and contrast
Discuss both the advantage and disadvantage
Discuss both views

The reasoning development should only be in a single point of view for all prompts that do not provide the above discussion format/requirement.

Graduate / Education is the key to opportunity - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*? [2]

This is a good draft. You show clear personal and professional reasons for your course choice and institution. The thing is, you still need to choose a second course at the same university or, a second course and different university. You may even opt for the same course at a different university based on a different set of reasons. The second option is a standard requirement for your scholarship consideration. The reviewers require it as a part of the assessment process. You may remove the current last paragraph to free up the character count for the 2nd option purpose. That presentation will prove that you have properly reasearched and considered all options in relation to your MA interests.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Climate change and individuals responsibility [2]


Good response and thesis statement but, it is still missing the element of the measured response (to what extent ? ). Represent that with a descriptive emotional word or phrase:

I could not agree more
I strongly support
I need to emphasize my support for

Are a few examples of phrases that would have helped you meet the discussion requirement. While the response will be scored as is, you missed out on the higher scoring consideration by not offering the correct extent response.

Skip the comparison discussion as you already said the government should be in charge (organizations). Defend that position using 2 relevantreasons. Remember, you will not be scored on paragraphs that do not relate to your opinion. In fact, your word count may go under the minimum due to the non-related discussion and create word percentage deductions due to your failure to then meet the minimum 250 word count.

Writing Feedback / The rate of crime committed by teenagers is increasing throughout the world. Reasons and solutions. [2]


What made you use the word " remarked" ? That word is used incorrectly in this presentation along with more than several others which will result in failed scores for 3 categories:

- Lexical Resource
- Cohesiveness and coherence
- Grammar Range and accuracy

These repeated eorors, without even considering the lack of thesis statements, will be more than enough to ensure that you do not pass the test. The overall presentation does not carry an easy to understand presentation due to your unfamiliarity with English simple sentence structure and word formation. You need to understand that youcannot merely use word equivalents from your languageto English. Unless you choose the correct word, based on definition, your essay turns into this jumbled mess. Work on developing your vocabulary first. Then, familiarize yourself with writing simple sentences first. Make sure that the sentences you write will be easily understood by a native English speaker.

Undergraduate / Write about an unforgettable experience in your life. Could you give me comments on my paragraph? [6]


That's a given based or the previous statement No need to spell it out and be condescending to the reader. You don't need to state things twice.

As a creative writing paragraph, the presentation is dry and one dimensional. You do not effectively set up the flashback presentation or the characters. While it is a direct narrative, you could use a better foundation for the narrative development to help engage the reader. Personally, I wasn't drawn into the story you were telling so I could not share in the excitement of the story. The lack of proper development made the work a tell, rather than show and involve description. It is difficult to follow the story progression. The story needs to unfold over several paragraphs instead of only one paragraph. Several paragraph presentations would have allowed for a better imagined story .

Writing Feedback / Essay about comparison between teenager life and adult life. [2]

You have not met the discussion requirements. Out of the 3 required topic discussions, you only discussed 2 presentation aspects. Perhaps you forgot to double check the formatting requirements or, you just did not care about prompt accuracy. I am not sure what happened as you were writing this paper but, that doesn't matter at this point. you will recieve a lower score in the and because you failed to present all the required discussion viewpoints. Task accuracy is based on several factors. One of which is your ability to follow the discussion instructions to the letter. It is obvious that you had a problem doing that in this discussion presentation.

Research Papers / Benefits of Early Childhood Education. Essay for ENG 102 Rio Salado [2]

What is the discussion focus of this essay ? There is a lack of concerning topics at the start , as a part of the thesis foundation to establish the supporting discussion question and topics. There is nosolid reference to why the benefits of early discussion is of concern and must be a highlighted discussion. When you cite information in the paragraphs, don't just stick it in there without any preparatory discussion or personal explanation of itsrelevance. You did that all the time in this presentation. It makes the reader wonder what the relevance of the referenced quote is. You have whole paragraphs composed only of cited information. This indicates sloppy work on your part. It proves you did not put any effort into researching and learning from the info you found. Even worse, it might make your teacher suspect that you hired a writing service for this paper. Whatever the reason, you cannot expect to get an Aor B with this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Printed media will be a thing of the past. Others say that these forms of media will never disappear [3]


Avoid exaggerations. This not controversial but definitely concerning.


Learn to think in English and write in English. Donot translate word for wordfrom your native tongue. It results in incoherent sentences such as there which affect the clarity of your presentation. When the examiner cannot understand your presentation, he will reduce your GRA score.

The discussion requires a2 reason defense of your % rather than a comparative discussion. Expect tobe scored only on the paragraph that relates to your opinion. needless to say, the enous in this essay may not help you achieve any sort of passing score. You need to familiarize yourself with the various discussion formats so that you can use the correct discussion format next time.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the environmental responsibility of governments and civilians [2]

Provide at least 3 sentences for the prompt restatement. Avoid using long sentences that combine 2 ideas in one. That type of presentation tends to become confusing, affecting the clarity of your paraphrasing, making it difficult for the reader to track the discussion. Do not use exaggerated wrd descriptions such as commentators and provocative topic. these change the discussion presentation in a manner that affects your version of the statement negatively.


Incorrect punctuation usage. you cannot, under proper English grammar use rules ) Use 2 punctuation marks successively. This will result in a large GRA score deduction. Please review punctuation usage guidelines to help you avoid this and similar errors in the future.

Your discussion focus is only on explaining your personal opinion over the paragraphs. You have not met the requirement that asks you to explain the public points of view via the use of 3rd person pronouns prior to your personal , via 1st person reference. Your presentation is not format accurate and will be scored down because of it.

Letters / Motivation letter to do Phd in Education at ETH Zurich after Engineering and MBA [2]


This is the strongest and most solid motivating factor for your application. Make this a part of the opening statement. This is the hook missing from your first few paragraphs. Do not over complicate your presentation. You are drowning your motivation under the weight of your background. Find a way to use only relevant experiences based on your motivational concerns.

I do not see a motivational aspect in relation to the position you are applying for. Who will you be working with and why does this excite you? You wrote a summary ofthe professor's background without relating it to your motivation, making ita useless mention. How does your experience in the related field apply? Don't write your academic biography. Use your relevant research experience as it relates to the work of the professor. Talk about motivations that would excite the reader into considering you as an applicant. That sense of excited and relevant motivation is lacking in your presentation.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2: An increasing number of people are choosing to watch international television shows and ... [2]


Your restatement should have stopped at this point. she next part of this sentence is notpout of the original presentation. If you meant to presentthat a part of your response to the direct question, then you should have framed it as such rather than a port of the original prompt to avoid restatement Inaccuracies.


This instruction is with regards to thesis statement. You prove that you understood the question through your direct response.-This direct statement of facts will portray your task accuracy in relation to the discussion topic. Note that you are not being asked to restate the instruction because the restatement ends with your representation of the topic and reasson. The thesis statement then sets the discussion tone for the 2 reasoning paragraphs.


Such sentences are only paragraph fillers. Jask' reasoning paragraphs score better when establishing topic sentences are used at the start. These topic sentences are later on accompanied by transition sentences for C&C scoring purposes. Every sentence you use must quickly move your reasoning foward within 5 clear and understandable sentences.


This is an example of an unrelated discussion topic. It created a lack of coherence in the paragraph. Always use a transition sentence that can connect the 2 topics. If these are not related, then the paragraph lacks development and cohesiveness in relation to coherence.


Cannot be a part of the conclusion. You may use the phrase in the reasoning paragraphs since the whole essay is based on your personal opinion. The last paragraph should simply restate the discussion in summary form.

Writing Feedback / People's opinions vary as to whether team study is more useful than individual study for pupils [3]

220 words written out of the 250 minimum requirement. It is not right for you the start the essay at a preliminary scoring disadvantage. The essay has already received a failing score due to the word deduction penalty. Any essay that kicks off with less than the minimum word count is all but guaranteed to result in an overall failing score due to additional penalties applied based on sectional scoring requirements. Next time, meet the 250 word requirement to at least start off without penalties. You want to start with a high TA score rather than a failing one.

I will give you a chance to prove your English writing skills to me because right now, this essay does not give me a full and accurate representation of your writing skills. Develop a better discussion based on a new topic and post it here. This time, write at least 250- 300 words. That will give m ea more accurate picture of your writing skills and English understanding abilities for proper assessment /review.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2 IELTS: You don't need special talent to become a good sportsperson or music player [3]

The essay does not meet the formatting requirements. The prompt requires 3 reasoning paragraphs aside from the paraphrasing and summary conclusion. Your restatement is incomplete as it reflects only 2 out of 3 points of view for discussion. That means the discussion paragraphs should properly analyze:

- The public belief that talent is born (reason provided and explained )
- The public belief that talent can be trained and honed (reason provided and explained )
- Your personal belife or support for one of the two public opinions

Your discussion totally skips one of the public beliefs in your explanation. Your personal opinion is missing. Do not skip your fully explained understanding of the topic. The format must always be met for full prompt compliance. Again, always double check the writing requirements. Writing 300+ words, but failing to meet formatting requirements that are the basis of the C&C score will result in deductions rather than increased scores.

Writing Feedback / Task2: In the present time in some nations, ownership of a house is more important than renting [2]

The prompt restatement is lacking. Where is the reasoning sentence? That would be a response to the question, " Why might that be the case?" Without it, your opinion does not have a solid and related discussion foundation. Always double check the restatement against the original. Make sure all aspects are covered. Otherwise, your TA is incomplete and will receive a lester scoring percentage.

Kindly pay better attention to your sentence presentations and idea/reasoning clarity. The problems are mostly caused by the word formation of the presentations. There are also the time reference errorS that added to the problem. The reference is to a continuing problem so it should use active present tense. Buy to perform more sentence building exercises prior to your next essay task. Make sure that you can forum simple sentences properly and clearly. Perfect that first then moveon to complex writing sentence writing exercises. Proper sentence presentations are vital to passing these exams.

Graduate / MY MOTIVATION LETTER FOR Msc SUSTAINABLE MANAGEMENT [2]

You can easily use this essay as a personal statement as it carries an in-depth look at the development of your interest in varied chemistry fields. These however, cannot qualify as a true motivation for the masters course in sustainability management at this university. A properly developed motivation better can be completed in as little as 5 paragraphs. Just be sure that you provide the following information:

1. Professional Inquisitiveness - based on your current job observations, why do you believe that changes need to be enacted? How? Relate that to why this course will address that need.

2. Academic Progression - Based on your previous studies, what previous courses did you complete that fiust exposed you to sustainability management? How did these influence your early interest? Could you say it also motivated this career path, interest based on your professional needs? How did it apply?

3. University Choice ~ What did you consider while comparing universities ? Based on your learning and future career needs, how will the university address these specifics ?

4. What motivated your desire to study overseas?

These are the most important motivational considerations that you should reflect in the letter. I am not sure if there are any for this letter as required by the university so I am asking you to focus on the important general discussion points instead.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Describe a chart about average annual GDP growth [2]

*Please be advised that the reviews and advice given here will be alternate to advice given by the book author. The advice given herein are for students who are self studying and are open to the advice counter to or not found in your book. Advice given is based on the educational consultant experiences and teaching methods. Do not debate with the educational consultant based on the book author's teaching method. Accept this advice if you wish to do so, or not.

I find your summary overview to be incomplete. Based on the image, there are highlighted information that should have been presented in the first 3 sentences namely:

- measurement basis (types of countries, enumerated )
- complete image identification ( 3 bar graph presentation)
- single trending statement

While it is nice to know that you can use the word "percent" repeatedly, it also shows a lack of similar word usage on your part as you cannot use other words in its place. Lack of word variations for it within sentences isn't helping to add to the LR score. A task 1 essay does not need a recap, which is similar to a summary conclusion, as an opinion need not be presented to the audience.

Your formatting could have been better. A 3 paragraph presentation would have better served your c&c score. The essay does not require a 4 paragraph presentation based on the information provided. Which is why each paragraph seems under analyzed and reported in my opinion.

Again, I am not giving this advice to start a debate. I am not saying the author is wrong in anyway. My advice merely reflects my teaching method that has benefited my students. Take the advice as you wish to.

Writing Feedback / Should people accept the bad situations or try to improve it? [3]


What? You need to either better explain your meaning or just opt not to try to present information not in the original prompt. Your sentence structure is incorrect and does not present coherent or logical information. your sentences suffer in terms of presentation development. you need to perform more sentence development exercises.

Represent the point of view and speaker within the topic sentence of each paragraph.That way the opinion and speaker is clear to the reader. You did well enough in representing the public speaking points. What is missing is the required 3rd paragraph that explains your expanded point of view. Adding that as an afterthought in the conclusion will not work and will cause deductions in your score due to improper discussion formatting.

* Limited review provided due to specific review instructions. Contact us privately.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 - The proportion of families owning and renting houses in England and Wales (1918 - 2011) [2]


Using what charting method? Linear? Bar ? Identify the typeof chart ownage provided. Ldon't just rely on the prompt for image identification.


Time reference error. The measurement has been previously completed. It is not an ongoing action soit should not be using active present tense references.


No such year is included in the chart. However, there is a reference to 1971. This is an inaccurate year reference which affects the validity of your summary report.

Errors in grammar and task accuracy exist in certain areas of your report. You failed to edit and proofread your data presentation. The errors remained uncorrected so, in the actual test, these would be one of the sources of scoring deductions in your sectional and final score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITNG TASK 2 - ONLINE EDUCATION PROS AND CONS [2]


So what?What is the point of telling me this if you cannot identify an advantage and disadvantage as preliminary evidence of this statement ? Where is your summarized discussion data basis? The paraphrase is okay but the thesis statement needs work.


Redundancy. Start with an actual topic sentence that introduces the subject. The second sentence here is the topic sentence.


This is an idea statement that you failed to properly develop as a reason. Reasons require supporting examples and explanations to fully make itself understood to the reader. This statement only contains ideas and opinions but severely lacks in justifications. Your C& C score will be affected.

Try to make yourself better understood. Don't just run after ideas. Make the reader believe you are right based on personal experience, knowledge. and publicly known facts. These are the reference points you can use to improve the C&C score of your essay.

Scholarship / Life is only a chance - Personal Statement for GKS (Global Korea Scholarship) [3]

There are 2 types of GKS programs, the undergraduate and the graduate programs. Which one are you applying to ? The reason I ask is because each scholarship program has specific discussion requirements.I am unclear as to which one you will be applying far as there is noreference to it in you rpresentation. I will be unable to present a targeted review and observation of your essay because of that.

Avoid a reference to settling on a career path at the age of 9 based on a toddlers television show. Reviewers do not only laugh at such references, they do not believe it either. Reference a more believable exposure starting at age 13 instead, which is the age when most students begin to consider their professional career paths. I am afraid I cannot continue reviewing your essay past this point. Not unless I know which type of application you are writing for.