Writing Feedback / MY 21TH BIRTHDAY, IT'S A SOFT STORY [4]

@Thai nguyen
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find all of this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

While I adore the presence of elaborate detailing in your essay, I would heavily suggest trying to structure your paragraphs a little bit more. For instance, you lacked transition words and appropriate punctuation (and/or pauses) throughout your first paragraph. I suggest trying to look into areas where you can incorporate this in order to assist you in writing.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial for you to incorporate more descriptive words throughout your writing. If you are able to do this, you'll be able to focus more on adding essential details that would evoke emotion among the readers.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Using the power - the benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages [4]

@Ann_Ng
Hello there! I hope to provide you with writing feedback that would be beneficial for your writing endeavors in the long-run.

First and foremost, I think that you should make smaller chunks of text as opposed to heavy sentences. Doing this will improve your clarity of language. This is not to say that you should omit all of your complex sentences - rather, it should all be balanced all throughout your writing. If you do this, you'll be able to create a more creative outlook to the essay.

Try to omit the usage of filler words as well. If you do this, you'll improve your text all throughout as you'll enhance the perception of the text.

Writing Feedback / MANY PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BALANCE THEIR RESPONSIBILITY AT HOME AND IN THE WORKPLACE [6]

@Thich Thong Luc
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find the previous writing feedbacks to contain the necessary information for you to improve. If you will, I'd like to add in more information from my end to hopefully help you once more.

First and foremost, try to curate more concise sentences. The first step to doing this would be through removing repetitions throughout. This includes, for instance, synonyms that are quite unnecessary. For example, in your first paragraph, you could have omitted the first "time" in the second sentence. While these are small steps, they would certainly help you in the long-run.

While I think that you had quite substantive input on the essay, I would heavily suggest trying to add firmer, concrete examples sprinkled all throughout. Doing this would certainly help you.

Writing Feedback / What are my three biggest weaknesses? - Cancer Diagnosis [3]

@cmedwards
Hello there! Welcome to this forum. I hope you find this writing feedback beneficial for your endeavors in the future. I'll do my best to help you - and I hope you find this useful. Please do keep coming back to us!

I agree that your text is quite well-written in that you were able to integrate being informative with ensuring that your text has the appropriate written tone to it. I would only suggest trying to incorporate writing techniques that will help you elevate the tone of the essay. For instance, try to not repeatedly mention the word cancer too much regardless of the necessity. Try replacing it with adjectives or other forms of words to ensure that you have more dynamism in your text.

Evade lengthy and hefty sentence structures as well. If you do this, you'll be able to curate information with more ease.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Annual pay for doctors and other workers [5]

@nimbus2k2
Hello there! Thank you for being a constant supporter of the site. I hope you're doing well in your writing endeavors. Please do come back!

First and foremost, consistency is very important when you're writing texts such as this. Ensure that you're adding more specific details to showcase that you have substantive depth in your writing. Remember to always retain that formal or educational tone all throughout. If you do this, you'll be able to showcase professionalism all throughout.

I have noticed that you have issues sometimes when it comes to tenses. Review the particular rules that you have to follow here. If you're torn, remember that it's critical for you to use past tenses when making substantiating an analysis based from a graph.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Online communication and finding new friends [5]

@barryha2705
Hello there! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

First and foremost, I recommend that you try to enhance the overall tone of your essay. Try to, for instance, change the way you transition between your sentences. Doing this will definitely help you incorporate more depth in your writing.

I would also heavily suggest incorporating more concrete examples on the essay. If you are able to add these, it would definitely improve the outlook that you currently have.

Try to be clearer and more straightforward with your text. The second body paragraph appears to be quite vague in the direction that it wishes to partake in.

Your conclusion should also be improved. Add more summation to create more detail.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Group learning or individual learning is better? [3]

@ththao_99
Hello there! Welcome to the forum! I'm an active contributor here; and I hope you find all of the feedback helpful for your writing endeavors! We'd be happy if you came back for more. I wish to cover areas that others may have not yet.

First and foremost, while I think that your essay is put-together, I would heavily recommend trying to create more personalized assessments and analyses. Doing this will help you have more depth in your writing.

The lack of concrete (and/or firm) examples is also to be noticed in the text. Some portions lacked substantiation because of this. I recommend focusing on this protion of the text.

Writing Feedback / An opinion essay about discussing views and giving personal opinion. [4]

@JackieMahamn
Hello there! I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial; I also hope that you keep coming back to us for feedback on your writing.

Firstly, I recommend revising your first paragraph to focus more on the structure of your composition. Your transition was not well executed because of the lack of general direction in writing. I heavily suggest incorporating more punctuation and pauses to ensure clarity of speech.

While your second paragraph (and third) are both decent, you can work on enhancing the tone to a more academic standard.

You can merge the fourth and last paragraph together to ensure that you have a more substantive overview of your summation of text.

Best of luck as always!

Writing Feedback / To judge or not to judge a person during interview - Opinion IELT essay do you agree or disagree? [3]

@Mennamoni
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

Firstly, I heavily recommend that you try to create more concise sentences throughout your writing. While I think that the first paragraph was quite creative, I also think that it lacks a bit of definition with the usage of a more specific structure fit for this content. I suggest trying to, for instance, create smaller chunks of text rather than bigger ones. Doing this will help you elaborate with more intention.

The second paragraph appears to be quite cluttered as well. I recommend that you try to utilize transition words more to enhance the way you move between your sentences.

Best of luck as always.

Letters / I am an intelligent hard worker. Readmission Letter. [2]

@snapbacks
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope to provide you with substantive writing feedback for your essay.

First and foremost, while I think that you were able to pour in your emotions on the text on the first paragraph, I highly suggest trying to make concise this portion of your essay. Try to appeal with more depth rather than overexplaining the situation.

I would also recommend trying to balance out your text. Notice how the second paragraph had a vacuum of your admission of what you will do if you would be readmitted back to the university. I suggest trying to, for example, adding more of submission to your own personal responsbility in the first paragraph.

I wish you the best of luck in your readmission!

Graduate / STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR COMMUNICATION ENGINEERING IN UK [3]


Hello there dear! Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your writing endeavors in the long-run. If you do, you can always come back to us.

Firstly, typically universities have their own guidelines regarding their own SOPs. If they have not provided guidelines, it can be presumed that there's no limit. Hereafter, you can focus more on curating substantial information to ensure that you are maximizing the space you have in your essay.

I would highly recommend for you to simplify your texts throughout. It would be nice if you could make more concise sentences in order to ensure that you are relaying information effectively. For instance, while your second paragraph was packed with clusters of information, I suggest trying to create smaller chunks and structures. If you do this, you'll be more understandable to the readers.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS1 - the amount of electricity produced by different fuels in Australia and France [3]

@s410377088
Hello there! I hope you're doing good. Let me provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

First and foremost, try to maintain an academic tone throughout your writing. You can ensure this by removing and/or replacing words such as "obvious" in order to articulate your analysis in a more concise manner.

I would also recommend looking into using appropriate punctuation for pauses. If you do this, you'll be able to manifest more effectively the right flow patterns that will allow you to effectively tackle the topic.

Try to be cautious of the structure of your sentences. Transition words such as "but" and "while" typically recommend that you place a comma in the word before them.

Best of luck as always.

Graduate / 'To analyze better, I must know better' - Statement of Purpose for Data Science program [3]

@data_guy_sid
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this platform beneficial when it comes to your writing endeavors. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

I think that you had quite a bold introduction, therefore I would retain this portion of the text. I would suggest focusing more on creating with intention and direction. Ensure that your texts would all be able to relay information in accordance to proper grammatical rules. Once you have done this, you'll be able to make certain that your delivery would be smooth.

As for your second paragraph, I would highly suggest that you try to compress together your thoughts and experiences by creating a more insightful summation of what had transpired. Doing so will drastically cut down your content.

Best of luck as always.

Research Papers / Psychology self analysis - first research paper ive ever written. [2]

@jessiemkay
Hello there! I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this platform helpful for your writing endeavors in the long-run. I think that it's great that you're progressing this far.

While I think that you have quite a grasp of the language, I would heavily recommend focusing more on the organization of your text. Notice how some portions were quite elaborate and distinctive. Although it is generally alright to have that attitude towards the text, it would be beneficial if you could have more separations and distinctions between your thoughts. For instance, try to create logical sequences and thought trees that would help you analyze the flow of your information more logically.

Bear this in mind always. Best of luck.

Research Papers / Help peer review my essay titled, "Major League Baseball and the Effect on Foreign Policy" [2]

@BSmith1209
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this feedback to be helpful to your writing endeavors.

First and foremost, I suggest investing time into revising the first paragraph of your essay. Notice how some portions appear to be quite cluttered because of the lack of overall direction in your writing. Try to incorporate more rationale into your writing in order to come up with a more focused approach to all the content.

Your citations are also quite scattered in the second paragraph. I suggest compressing all of the sources into one cluster or merged text rather than putting everything side by side each other. Compressing will help you focus more on analyzing the content rather than summarizing them.

I would say that you definitively need to focus more on detailing everything rather than laying out information without a directed purpose.

Best of luck in your writing.

Research Papers / What is the Sino-US trade war and their effect on the economy? [2]

@SylviaFong
Hello there! I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your learning endeavors in the long-run.

First and foremost, while I find that you were able to reiterate your opinions with ease, I would highly suggest that you try to organize your thoughts a bit more. It appears to be cluttered in some portions. Because of this, I would recommend trying to create a thought bank and map firstly before writing everything down. Ensure that you boil everything down from a main thesis statement. Doing this will allow you to be more directed and straightforward in relaying longterm meaning.

Best of luck in your writing.

Writing Feedback / Waste recycling and law - Argumentative essay [5]

@qromj19
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback to be beneficial to your learning endeavors in the long-run. You can keep coming back to us for more feedback.

First and foremost, you can ditch the fancy language and instead utilize smaller chunks of concise sentences. If you do this, you'll be able to curate more substantive and meaningful content while still maintaining a rather educational tone in your essay. Apply this specifically for your first paragraph.

While I think that the second paragraph has firm thoughts backed with evidences, it appears to be rather cluttered. I would highly recommend trying to structure it with more organization with the usage of transition terminologies along the way.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / With the development of online communication, people is easy to make new friends [5]

@Ann_Ng
Hello there! Welcome back to the forum. I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your long-term learning.

First and foremost, I would recommend trying to change the tone of language of your essay. For instance, the first paragraph appears to be rather informal. It would be nicer to have more dynamism with a straightforward approach. If you do this, you'll be able to focus more on curating content with ease.

Furthermore, ensure that you have a structured approach to writing. Try to organize your thoughts with more of a logical sequencing than anything else.

Evade the usage of descriptive terms when you're trying to establish formal lines. Remember to bear this in mind.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Junk food is damaged to health. Some people think education is a good solution while others disagree [2]

@Cay nho
Hello there. Thanks for being back to the forum. I hope to provide you with writing feedback that'll be helpful for your endeavors.

First and foremost, be cautious of the composition of your messages. Ensure that you are consistent with your content to enable you to relay meaning clearly. This also includes ensuring that the tone of your language contains clarity and formality. For instance, if you merged the second and third sentence of your first paragraph, you'll come up with a more concise input on the essay.

Try to also incorporate more proper transitions between your phrases. When a sentence has become more lengthy than it should be, try to structure your content a little bit more.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Nuclear energy, economy and health - Ielts task2 [3]

@Jackson97010
Hello there, Jackson! I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on this essay. Welcome here! I hope you keep coming back to us after if you find these comments helpful and beneficial for you.

Firstly, I would say that, while you have quite an effective grasp of the language, there are certain aspects that can be improved. For instance, try to curate sweeter shortened sentences along the way. Doing this will permit you to be more straightforward with your language. This will also allow you to elevate the overall tone of writing that you have.

Furthermore, it would be better if you kept the length of your paragraphs balanced. The fluctuations in length can appear to be off-putting rather than helpful in disseminating information.

Best of luck as always.

Undergraduate / My work creations - essay admission for SCAD [2]

@ssaa8227
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I'm going to provide you with a thorough writing feedback; I hope you find this beneficial for your writing endeavors in the long-run.

First and foremost, your first paragraph is overstretched. You need to incorporate more appropriate punctuation and pauses along the way to make your essay flow smoother. Try to curate shorter and simpler sentences to evade the wrongful use of particular words.

Furthermore, try to use more writing techniques that will merge altogether your thoughts. If you can shorten your description of aspirations, you can save space for substantive writing. Try separating the first paragraph into two shorter ones. Afterwards, omit your current second paragraph.

Best of luck in the application.

Research Papers / Does America have a Gun Problem - Rio Salado [2]

@ewamunds
Hello there. I see that you're new here - welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your writing endeavors.

In general, you had quite a firm grasp of the language, making your essay effective when it comes to relaying information about the topic. I would only suggest attempting to simplify your overall language flow. If you do this, you'll be able to incorporate more meaning into smaller chunks of text.

Furthermore, it would also be beneficial for your writing if you can incorporate more structure and dimension into the flow of your essay. Try to create more dyanism by playing with lengths and variations - all while ensuring that you have an academic tone and formality.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / There are more workers to work from home and more students to study from home. [3]

@ThuanPhat
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find the feedback here to be beneficial for your writing endeavors.

First and foremost, try to make concise your sentences to ensure that your structure is more discernable. For instance, notice how your introductory paragraph could be improved through this. If you can do so, you'll be able to squeeze in more substantive information throughout your written text.

I would recommend improving your essay by incoporating firmer and more concrete examples. This will also help you illustrate without overexplaining. If you do this, you'll be able to curate more meaningful content. Try to apply this to your second paragraph.

Be cautious as well of small slip-ups in your language due to inconsistent grammar usage. It would be better if you can make constant your usage of words.

Best of luck as always.

Research Papers / Draft Essay about "E-waste solutions for a growing environmental challenge" - Peer Review [2]

@JAM2076547
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find the feedback you gather here to be beneficial for your writing endeavors.

Given the tedious length of your essay, I'll try my best to make concise the feedback I have for your writing.

I do agree that you need to work on your transitions. This is also primarily reliant on ensuring that you have an organized and structured approach to your writing. For instance, if you wish to have a focused approach through making your analysis more sequential, you can opt to do so.

I also find that the length of your paragraphs can be improved. Try to, for instance, keep up with three to four sentences each to ensure that you're not overexplaining your thoughts.

Best of luck with your writing.

Writing Feedback / One of the major problems we are faced with today is obesity. Kids suffer from it too [2]

@Cay nho
Hello there. Thanks for coming back to the forum.. I hope you find the feedback here productive for your learning process.

Firstly, I find that you had quite a strong introduction for your essay. You were able to detail a bold and firmly put thesis statement that enabled the readers to comprehend the underlying reasons you had tapped into. I would only recommend trying to improve your essay by enhancing the overall tone and language of your writing.

Furthermore, your second paragraph is too hefty. Try to shorten and make it more concise, enabling the readers to have a clearer view without being baffled with content. You may also separate it into two shorter paragraphs to make it easier to dissect.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: The graph below shows the pollution levels in London between 1600 and 2000. [5]

@lichien0422
Hello there.

I apologize for the delay, but I'll try to provide you with writing feedback on your essay. For your sake, I'll try to merge altogether prior opinions in order to assist you further in your writing endeavors.

Firstly, I agree with a prior recommendation that you need to incorporate more in-depth analytical portions through ensuring that you convey with clarity how you'll be able to compare the data that you have. Make it as descriptive as possible.

I have also observed that you need to work on your usage of proper punctuation. Try to, for example, incorporate a more diverse set of marks to assist you in writing.

Your conclusion also needs more substantive hammering down.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: International conferences in 3 cities [4]

@nimbus2k2
Hello there!

I hope you're doing well. Thank your consistently being part of the forum. We hope you've found all of the feedback necessary for your learning.

Firstly, I agree with the prior comment stating that you need to work on incorporating more adjectives throughout your essay. This will help you curate a more in-depth analysis on the graph rather than merely mentioning everything out loud. If you do this, you'll have more than mere statements of what's already readily available in your writing.

Try to also incorporate the right punctuation and pauses in your writing. It is critical for you to add a comma after declaring dates, for instance. Just keep in mind that, if you feel the need to pause, it usually requires at the very least a comma.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Friendship with work mates - ielts task 2 [3]

@Ngann
Hello there.

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find the feedbacks your receive here to be beneficial for your writing endeavors. Please do keep coming back to us for more.

First and foremost, I think your writing skills are sufficient in displaying the fundamental necessary aspects of writing. I recommend only making concise certain portions to enable you to have a firmer grip over the tone of language. For instance, the second sentence of the first paragraph could be improved by omitting some portions.

I also agree with the prior comment regarding the excessive usage of particular language portions. If you can omit these unnecessary portions, you'll have more space for substantive discussions in the latter portions of your essay.

Best of luck as always!

Writing Feedback / Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the growth of a country. [4]

@educator0402
Hello there. I apologize for the delay. But I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on your essay. I hope you come back and find all of our feedback beneficial to your writing endeavors!

Firstly, I agree with the others that you need to work on the overall clarity of text. You had quite a handful of generalized sentiments. This made you miss out on critical details that could have assisted you along the way.

I would also personally suggest incorporating more concrete examples throughout your essay. For example, try to have this after your initial thesis introduction per paragraph. Doing so will make your essay appear to have more depth.

Aside from that, I think you have quite a clear-cut approach to writing. Just ensure your content is up to date - and you'll go a long way.

Best of luck as always!

Writing Feedback / People are losing the ability to communicate face to face (too much of technology in relationships) [3]

@maiko tran
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your learning of the language and for your future tests. You can keep coming to us for feedback!

First and foremost, essays typically consist of three paragraphs. While having less is alright and uncommon, it would be better to stick to this normative structure to help you have a simplified and no-fuss approach to writing. Separate your paragraphs, merge together when necessary, and add pauses when you can. The reason why these rules exist is to serve as guidelines for establishing a beginning, a body, and a concluding remark. Remember this.

Ensure that you're also using the appropriate formal language. Using lines such as "chit chatting" appears rather informal. If you can evade this, the better it would be.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors.

Undergraduate / Sonography - Rutgers School of Health Professions, Entrance Essay [3]

@khong9198
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay. I hope you find it helpful in the long-run when you're composing your text.

First and foremost, your paragraphs carry excessive length and weight. Try to shorten your composition, enabling you to have a better grip over the meaning that you're constructing. Alternatively, try to keep it balanced. Never compromise to the extent that you miss out details, especially given the nature of the essay. I recommend adding more dyanism to your writing in order to enable you to write more fluidly along the way. If you can be more dynamic (ie. using a mixture of language and lengths with paragraphs), you'll be able to curate a more creative approach to this essay.

I also find that, for the most part, you need to work on balancing the entirety of your content. The last paragraph needs more dedicated space as it is, in totality, more to be prioritized than puny details scattered in the former parts of your essay.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Having more money and less free time is better than earning less and having more free time? [4]

@Ann_Ng
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay. I hope you find this beneficial for your learning skills!

First and foremost, I suggest trying to simplify your language in portions of the text that requires precision. Being straightforward in key aspects (ie. when you're introducing your thesis paragraph) would help you build up your essay's own structure and thoughts. Say, for instance, the introductory sentence. Try paraphrasing that on a simpler level to ensure that you have a smoother delivery.

Secondly, try not to overexplain parts that would require you to be simpler. The second paragraph needs to be more tailor-fit to ensure that it suits the entirety of the essay. Avoid being too all over the place. Merge your thoughts into a concise and simplified content - and you'll be a more effective writer.

Best of luck as always.

Scholarship / Explain the extent to which you have a long-term interest in Ireland and how will you promote links [2]

@stella898
Hello there. I'll try to efficiently assess as much as possible details in your essay to help you in your writing process.

First and foremost, you could have made concise the first paragraph by ensuring that you are more straightforward with details. Not only is this portion too packed with unnecessary details that could have easily been omitted - but you also had quite a messy influx of thoughts with a lack of organization. This resulted to a rather hefty paragraph than something that's easily understandable. Balancing your opinions within a reasonable space in your essay has to be improved.

Furthermore, try to have shorter sentences that'll help you be more explorative and direct. Try to maximize your essay's space through this.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Allocation of public funds between road and railway projects [4]

@Veranda
Hello there. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! Let me provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

First and foremost, try to create a more no-fuss tone when you're writing. Remember that exaggerating and adding too many details (see your first paragraph) do not necessarily help you because you'll be unable to detail out other portions of the text. Try to keep your writing as balanced as possible.

Remember to also create more dyanism in your writing all throughout. Always write with intention. It would so be helpful to mix up various thoughts and opinions, curating a more enhanced approach to writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / The graph shows average carbon dioxide emissions per person in the UK, Sweden, Italy and Portugal [5]

@nguyenle
Hello there. I apologize for the delay. However, I'll still try to provide you with writing feedback in order to assist you fully in your learning endeavors.

First and foremost, try working on your overall structure and composition. Notice how some portions of your text are quite messy because of the lack of appropriate pauses and punctuation. To evade these issues, try to focus on simpler and yet more concise sentences before meshing them with larger bulks of text. If you can master this simplicity, you'll be able to go far.

In terms of content and organization, it would be beneficial for the readers if you are able to accommodate to deeper levels of analysis by making more thorough comparisons of graphs rather than sticking to blatant descriptions.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Is it possible that cost of fuel can tackle the environmental pollutions? [3]

@khucthutrang
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I'll be providing you with writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this beneficial.

First and foremost, try to create more straightforward sentences that would pack more meaning. What this pertains to would be using writing techniques to help you have a more straightforward, no-fuss writing style. You can do this by shortening your sentences altogether.

Furthermore, you have quite bulky paragraph patterns. I suggest trying to make them better through evading over explaining and focusing more on key aspects of your written account. For instance, your second paragraph is quite excessive. Try to limit yourself to three to four sentences overall.

Best of luck as always in your writing.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing Do you agree if government should spend more money in support of arts than in athletic [3]

@rilakkukkuma
Hello there. I see that you're new here - welcome to the forum! I'll provide you with writing feedback that will hopefully help you. I hope you keep coming back to us for assistance!

Firstly, I recommend making simpler sentences in order to relay your message more effectively. For example, your introductory paragraph could be improved by separating it into two to three simpler sentences that would contain more detail.

Furthermore, you need to work on ensuring you have an appropriate structure for your sentences. For example, the first sentence of the second paragraph lacks appropriate pauses and punctuation. Ensure that you are consistent all throughout.

Bear these in mind. Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Government give most support to Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics [3]

@khoahre123
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback.

Firstly, I recommend making concise your sentences. Try to evade the usage of excessive words and descriptors when you're writing. While it's necessary to creatively depict your opinions, it would be better if you can curate more specific pictures of what you ought to mention. For instance, take a look at your first paragraph. You had packed it with excessive language, making the essay appear too hasty.

Try to also be more cautious of your grammatical composition. Try to ensure that you're abiding by the fundamentals of writing - doing so will allow you to have a more academic tone. Remember that consistency is key.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Impact of modern communication means to people's social lives and relationships [4]

@Kaze Vo
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback. I hope you find this forum helpful for your learning journey.

Firstly, try to integrate the usage of sentences and/or phrases that would help you create firmer and more concise lines. For instance, try to say indubitably instead of mentioning how you cannot doubt something. Having hold of more complex and meaningful words such as this would help you develop a more organized writing approach.

Furthermore, try to be more direct with the phrasing of your lines. Evade the usage of hefty and/or bulky sentences as they add unnecessary weight to the essay. Try to focus on simpler lines. Notice how uneasy your second and third paragraphs are because of this.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2; Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life [3]

@thaonguyen1st
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay. I hope this somehow helps you along the way.

In general, you had quite a smooth flow for your writing. You were able to elaborate effectively your thoughts and opinions. At the same time, you had quite a clearer grasp of writing. These reasons had made your work efficient in relaying meaning.

I would firstly suggest trying to create more concise sentences. Opt to omit words that are unnecessary. Try to focus on lines that you truly need. For instance, in your second paragraph, the last two sentences could have been merged to curate a more substantive essay.

Best of luck as always.