Maria
Jun 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay Task 1 on Water usage in different areas in the world [3]
@dodquynh
Hi there!
Next time, it would be beneficial if you could provide the graph alongside your post for us to properly give an assessment of your writing.
That being said, from what I can tell, the structure of your sentences need a little bit of polishing. There were instances wherein commas (and, in general, punctuation usage) were out of place and misused. Because of this reason, the flow of your essay became quite baffling. Know that these small differences can create tremendous impact in the overall dissemination of information and relaying of your information and thoughts.
Being straightforward is also essential when you're working with technical and analytical essays. Remember that your understanding of the direction of the essay is important for you to establish a firmer perspective on the situation. With that taking into account, you should let go of excessive language and focus primarily on the specific data that you wish to relay.
Take a look at this revision:
Overall, we We can see that ... Meanwhile, in the remaining regions including South ... Asia, and South East Asia, the most ... water is it is for agriculture.
Being blunt about the interpretation will help you establish also a firmer, educational and informative tone rather than a blatant information relay.
Best of luck as always.
@dodquynh
Hi there!
Next time, it would be beneficial if you could provide the graph alongside your post for us to properly give an assessment of your writing.
That being said, from what I can tell, the structure of your sentences need a little bit of polishing. There were instances wherein commas (and, in general, punctuation usage) were out of place and misused. Because of this reason, the flow of your essay became quite baffling. Know that these small differences can create tremendous impact in the overall dissemination of information and relaying of your information and thoughts.
Being straightforward is also essential when you're working with technical and analytical essays. Remember that your understanding of the direction of the essay is important for you to establish a firmer perspective on the situation. With that taking into account, you should let go of excessive language and focus primarily on the specific data that you wish to relay.
Take a look at this revision:
Being blunt about the interpretation will help you establish also a firmer, educational and informative tone rather than a blatant information relay.
Best of luck as always.