Scholarship / Tell us about the place – or places – you call home. Family - the most important thing. [2]

The essay is all about the place or places you call home. So the essay should be discussing locations, not people in your life. For example, A Japanese would discuss how he would consider the Manga Hotel a place to call home. It relates to his interest in Manga comics, having a place to rest, and is considered a meeting place of people with similar interests. That is the type of essay that you should be writing. You should not be writing about family. Your family is not a place. It is a nucleus of your bloodline. Totally different from a place to call home. Your essay is way off base in its presentation. Your family is automatically your home because of the blood relation. The essay is asking you to consider other places, where you meet people, where you feel just as comfortable as being with your family at your house.

Scholarship / GKS-G 2020 Personal Statement - Master in Anthropology - Embassy Track [2]

You totally missed the mark on several points in this essay. It is unfortunate that you approached this essay with a college level outlook and presentation. The masters degree application is far more complicated in presentation. Your essay does not fit at all with the requirements of the prompt. I am not sure if you actually read what the prompts were, otherwise you would have known that the focus of your discussion needs to be on the professional side representing:

- A professional motivation related to the course chose. That means, you need to assess your career up to the present time and explain why you believe that you need to study this masters course at this point.

- Your previous education should show that you have accomplishments that make you worthy of such an important scholarship. This must be presented alongside the development of your interest in Korea.

- Your reasons for studying in Korea must relate to the accomplishments of Korea in your field of interest or professional capacity.
- You must present an ability to represent your interest in research and graduate studies. You cannot tell the reviewer that you want to study in Korea because you want to become a researcher. You should at least show that you have the foundation for some type of research. That is the worst reason for wanting to study in Korea.

Do yourself a favor, read the prompt requirements very carefully this time. Approach writing the revised essay with a seriousness that is lacking in this presentation. Do not take the application lightly. Be serious. Consider all the mature aspects of your application. This one has a childish tone to it that will not help it get past the review process.

Writing Feedback / Causes and effects of urban sprawl - drastic changes in living patterns [2]

The presentation could use more formatting. It is too compressed on the page, making it difficult to read. Use paragraphs to discuss various sections representing the topic. Each related topic needs to have its own paragraph. It helps make it easier to understand on the reader's part. You need to perfect your English word usage. For example, people live in urban areas, they do not live in urban. Also, when referring to researched information, you need to cite your source. That gives your essay a more authoritative slant and gives the readers verified information instead of just simple information. The work you did in this essay is not bad for a simple practice exercise. You show that you have somewhat control of word formation and sentence structures. You show the potential to eventually become a writer with a strong control of the written English language. Keep practicing. You will get there.

Writing Feedback / The pipe chart give information about electricity energy [3]

You forgot to upload the image for this presentation. I cannot accurately review your work without the image. Let me give you a standard grammar review instead. Please remember to upload the image next time.

You are too reliant on Oxford commas for your presentation. You should be relying on periods instead. The Oxford comma creates a difficult to understand presentation. Learn how to format your thought into single sentences. That will help keep the paragraph clear and allow you to create connected sentences. Remember the basic criteria for each paragraph. It has to be composed of 3-5 sentences. Without it, you will have very low GRA scores.

The rest of the problems with your essay have to do with word usage. You show a beginners level of English language usage. You do not know when and how to use certain English words yet. Those errors are what pulled down your score severely for this presentation. It would be better if you do English sentence structure exercises before you continue with your practice essays. You need to learn to control your word formation so that you can score higher in the LR and GRA section.

Scholarship / Unraveling chloroplast-mediated regulatory network that drives senescence in plants [2]

This is a pretty solid thesis proposal. It clearly outlines every point of research and indicates the importance of every step. The fact that you are a published author and this is part of your continuing research further strengthens the presentation. The only errors I see are a few missing punctuation marks here and there. Nothing that affected the clarity of the presentation though. I am just wondering about the thread you placed this paper in. You said this is for a scholarship? Yet, you never mentioned the scholarship anywhere in the essay. Perhaps that is the reference at the end about funded projects? If that is the case, you should add a section in the essay that will reflect how the funding will be spent within the research proposal. With ever step, an indication of how the money will be used should be present. Explain the importance of the funding at every step because the proposal you are making does sound expensive. So the financial justification should be more than just a single sentence at the end of the Final Remarks.

Graduate / Statement of purpose for GKS 2020 (computer engineering) embassy track [3]

The goal of study, title of study, and research or study plan is incorrect. Remove the first paragraph. Open with the second paragraph instead. Delete the rest of the essay after that. Based on the topic for your research, discuss the goal of your study and how you plan to study that specific topic while a student in Korea. You are not an undergraduate student so you are not required to detail a language study plan, which, even if it were required, would be in a totally separate essay. In the Goal of Study, you are to focus on your masters thesis.

Explain how your time in Korea and the Korean university system will be perfect for this research. How will you utilize your time as a student and the resources of the university to complete your research? What kind of research help might you need? Think of the thesis proposal you submitted for your college thesis. That is what this essay should represent.

Don't worry, you can still change your research when the time comes. The reviewer just has to see that your research interests match the masters course you are applying for and that the university has the ability to help you improve your academic and practical skills.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task2 :Nowadays,children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games... [2]

You did not properly paraphrase the prompt. The first paragraph of the IELTS Task 2 essay is always focused on your English comprehension skills. That means, you are asked to paraphrase the instructions so that you will be able to show that you understood :

- The topic for discussion - children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games.
- The reason for the discussion - Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities
- The discussion format - To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this case the above should have presented in the paraphrase as:

- Topic : Youngsters consume their time with digital game activities and small screen entertainment.
- Reason: Citizens have the opinion that these activities have an adverse effect on kids intellectual development
- Discussion format: I greatly agree with this statement due to two reasons.

Never present a question in your own essay. That could accidentally lead to a discussion deviation. Stick to the provided information for the discussion question. You do not need to provide a contrasting statement in the essay. It is not required discussion and constitutes a prompt deviation. Specially since you did not try to develop that contrasting statement in the presentation. Points will be deducted for that.

Your conclusion is a clear deviation from the original prompt. It should only be a restatement of the body of your discussion. It should cover a restatement of the topic, reason for discussion, and summarize your discussion paragraphs within 3-5 sentences. Your essay is not properly formatted and will suffer several points deductions because of it.

Writing Feedback / Using computers every day does more harm than good to the children [5]

There are two serious errors in this essay that will prevent it from achieving a 5 band score. The first error is that this is an extent essay, not a simple agree / disagree essay. The complete instruction for the discussion is:

To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

So the response is not "While I agree" but rather "I firmly agree with this statement because of my personal experience with using computers."

The essay contains researched information, not personal knowledge or experience. The reference to Myopia clearly indicates that you did not write this essay based on testing center situations. There is no research instrument available at the testing center. It would have been better if you had used only your personal experience to defend your stance.

For example, if you did not used to wear eyeglasses but after a few years or months of using the computer, you already had to wear glasses, then that is a good example from personal experience. Your TA score has to show that you are capable of following the discussion instructions. Your essay shows that you cannot follow discussion instructions because of the source of your information.

The main pronouns to be used in this discussion would be in the first to second person in reference to personal experience or reference to other people. Research specific information such as Myopia can clearly be seen and will lower your score accordingly.

The second paragraph is more in line with the discussion requirement of personal knowledge or experience. For this essay, the reasoning paragraphs should cover 2 different paragraph topics only:

- Personal experience
- observation of the effects on other people

Had you used your brother first then your personal experience second, the essay would have been more prompt responsive.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing:The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. [4]

When you write the TOEFL essay, don't forget to paraphrase the prompt in the first paragraph. After doing that, you must include the outline of your discussion towards the end as a transition sentence. I did not read anything of the sort in your presentation. Additionally, you should be using more personal pronouns referring to your personal insight instead of group insight in the paragraphs. 6 sentence should include a reference to a personal opinion and / or experience which you will be expanding upon as a part of the paragraph. Don't forget the use of transition sentences at the end of every paragraph. You don't really represent that. Yuur concluding summary is too short. You need to be able to paraphrase the prompt and your discussion in this section as well. It is almost similar to a Task 2 IELTS essay, but with a different scoring requirement when it comes to sentences and paragraphs. I am not really sure how well you responded to the prompt because you did not include a copy of it with your posting. So I am not going to score the essay. My observations here are based on the general considerations for TOEFL scoring. These are the mistakes I believe your essay made with regards to scoring guidelines. I look forward to reviewing your next essay with the prompt included.

Writing Feedback / International travel is extremely popular these days. What are the advantages and disadvantages? [3]

Your essay contains researched information. That runs directly counter to the instruction that asks you to use personal experience and examples as a part of your reasoning paragraphs in this essay. You will never be asked nor allowed to use researched information during the actual test. You won't have access to the internet at the testing center. For this essay alone, I could already give it a failing mark in the TA section because you even included the year of the information that you used in the essay. That means you did not understand the task requirement of personal experience and examples discussion. Your discussion will be considered completely unrelated to the task and hence, get the lowest possible score for it. I cannot even continue to review the rest of the problems for this essay because it already made a mistake in the TA section. It is not going to achieve a 5 band mark because of that error.

Scholarship / "I'm terrified of deep waters" KGSP Personal Statement - Civil & Environmental Engineering [3]

This is not an essay that will be considered worthy of a GKS masters course scholarship. You did not really read the prompt requirements before writing the essay. You wrote this essay as if you are applying for an undergraduate scholarship instead of a masters course. The prompt for the masters course are:

o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

This essay responds to only the reasons for studying in Korea section. The rest of your information presentation is insufficient. It does not address the rest of the discussion requirements for the written interview. It will not get past the screening round at this point. Write a new essay that focuses on your profession in relation to your motivation. Discuss your college education in relation to the time to spent as an exchange student in Korea, and keep the reasons for your wishing to study in Korea. That means the seminar part as conducted by the Korean professors. Strengthen your background in relation to studies and research. Those are the weakest / missing points in this essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Causes Solutions: Professionals leave their countries to work in developed countries. [3]

You could have done a better job at rephrasing the presentation:

A rising number of licensed workers from developing countries, physicians and educators in particular, tend to leave their home nations. They leave in order to seek better occupations in first world states. It is important to understand the reasons why these specialists decide to seek their luck outside of their home community. Based on these problems, fixes to the situation must also be proposed.

There is no need to say "This essay will examine". That is considered a memorized response. Try to represent the prompt discussion instructions in a manner that does not seem like you are just repeating what you learned in class. Compose a different way of indicating the instructions such as the one I presented above. Remember, you have to present between 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You cannot present just 2 sentences and expect to score well in the C&C and GRA section.

This is a 3 paragraph essay that should have been presented with the following reasoning paragraphs:
- Teachers
- Doctors
- General solution to the problem

The way you connect these discussions is to find a common denominator between the two problems so that you can present a united solution in the 3rd paragraph. For the teachers, discuss the problem of classroom inefficiency in relation to technology. Do that in one paragraph. For doctors, discuss hospital inadequacies due to lack of technological instruments. That's a separate paragraph. Then discuss the common solution to both problems an increase in the budget for both sectors so that the teaching and treatment facilities can be upgraded. Once the systems are upgraded, the professionals will not leave their countries. Then, in the concluding summary, restate that very discussion as a part of the concluding paragraph.

Your discussion paragraphs are too long and you have written too many words for a 40 minute task. You have to leave time to review and edit your work. In this instance, you did not leave any time for corrections so your essay is filled with grammatical errors. Aim to write no more than 5 sentences per paragraph to help with your editing time requirement. This essay has way too many grammar and vocabulary errors which will result in heavy penalties on the final score.

Writing Feedback / The difference between men and women jobs [3]

Are you writing this essay for a Task 2 test? Kindly remember to post the complete prompt next time. I cannot review your work accurately in terms of content and responsiveness without it. However, I can offer a simple review of your visible grammar errors for this essay. The paragraph problems stem mostly from your eagerness to just write as many English words as you can. You failed to consider sentence clarity and paragraph formation in your writing. Each paragraph should have a topic sentence that will be central to the paragraph discussion. Separate your sentence reasoning into one sentence per reasoning presentation. Don't just keep typing without connecting the ideas through the use of punctuation marks, connecting words, and transition sentences. Your essay is difficult to follow discussion wise due to the improper formatting and sentence structure. My suggestions above are used in the formation of both the sentences and paragraphs for Task 2 essay tests.

Writing Feedback / Tell about the weather which you hate [2]

The weather you are describing is not a drizzle, it is raining. So you should say "When it is raining". Raining is defined as the act of water falling from the skies or rainfall. When you claim that the rain creates inconvenience (correction for inconvenient), you should mention what kind of inconvenience it gives you. That type of statement calls for a justification or evidence of inconvenience. You have to explain it thoroughly to the reader otherwise the reader is wondering how you are inconvenienced by the rain. The road yo are describing does not justify a personal inconvenience. Deliver an example of why it is difficult for you to move during rainy conditions. "Long days of rain" not drizzle. Drizzle is a light rain that only last a few minutes. Rain lasts an hour or more. The last sentence does not explain why your clothes cannot dry. It is because the rain does not allow you to hang your clothes under the sun? Your essay needs more examples and explanations for it to make sense to the reader.

Scholarship / GKS Personal Statement - Chem Eng - Applying via Uni [2]

First things first. Let's remove the Mark Twain quote. Your essay is already strong enough for consideration without that reference. Be direct to the point. The boring run-on introduction you created for the first paragraph should be removed. Inform the reviewer immediately about your interest in pursuing your masters degree. Don't bore him with irrelevant information and introductions. Keep his attention by keeping him informed.

Now, I can tell you that your graduate research ability and research abilities in relation to graduate studies are good. It is strong enough to support your application. The Korean connection is strong, but can be made stronger by informing the reviewer that you are currently in Korea and that you plan to take the TOPIK test. Don't place those information in the study plan. The study plan is the thesis proposal for your masters degree graduation project. It does not include plans on improving your language skills. That type of information is only for undergraduate scholarship applicants.

Do not over focus on the university reference. Keep it down to 2 major reasons why you chose this university instead. It will help you create a more connected paragraph in relation to your interest in the masters course offering. Close the essay on a hopeful note that you look forward to helping improve the university through whatever reasons you can think of. Don't just discuss what you can take from the uni, talk about what you can give them too. That is the best way to close the essay.

Writing Feedback / The information about the number of people who used television for sports in different countries. [4]

You have actually written too many words for this essay. The aim is to spend only 20 minutes on this task. The number of words that you wrote tells me you used 40 minutes to write it instead. Remember, you need to use more time for the Task 2 essay. The task 1 essay is just a simple report so the word count is anywhere from 150-175 words. 200 would be the highest maximum word count, but that means you won't be allotting time for your review and revision for the content of your work.

Don't forget to use a comma after adverbials like million , respectively. You need to list the names of the countries in the chart as a part of the summary overview. It helps you to meet the required sentence count. It also forces you to use required information only instead of word fillers as you did in this essay. A long essay will not guarantee a high score, only a well written essay can do that.

Writing Feedback / People should face tough situations in life where they need to make a hard decisions. CBEST PROMPT [4]

I strongly suggest that you do not mention any identifying names in your test essay, should the opportunity arise. Protect your privacy. Do not mention any identifying information. Keep your privacy protected. You don't really discuss lessons that you have learned in life. You just speak of the way that your relationship developed and how much you enjoy it. There is no conflict from which you should have learned a lesson. Instead, you make it seem like your life was not really challenged by the move that you made. While this is a simple essay, I don't think it scores well enough in terms of representing the discussion prompt. This is still a 3 scoring essay.

Writing Feedback / The importance of color in marketing [4]

Your discussion approach to this essay is not entirely correct. You were asked "How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?" Based on the question provided, the response to this essay was not to be based on research or a market survey but rather, a personal opinion which is based on personal experience. That part of the instruction was omitted in the prompt because this is an advanced essay writing question. That means, the examiner is assuming that you have an advanced English analytical ability and will be able to determine how to properly discuss the essay. You did not really approach the essay properly since you based the information on a market review instead of a personal experience.

The pronoun to be used in this essay is first person. While you can avoid using pronouns, the fact that you are being asked about the truth of the statement indicates the need to use the first person pronoun. The conclusion is even more problematic. You only presented one sentence. It should be at least 3 sentences representative of a reasoning discussion summary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: SPENDING TIME AND MONEY ON THE PROTECTION OF WILD ANIMALS - AGREE OR DISAGREE [4]

You are short by one sentence in the paraphrase. A complete paragraph is 3-5 sentences long. This is not a complex sentence presentation. It is just a very long sentence. Remember, you need to provide 3 separate representations for:

- Topic
- Reason 1
- Reason 2
- Response to the question posed

Your response to the question is too mechanical. It is practically a memorized response. You need to make is sound less memorized so say something like; "I have a very strong opposition to this presentation." You don't need to say "following reasons", create a fluid discussion instead. Stop at a strong opposition then kick off the reasoning paragraph with a topic sentence. That shows a clarity of thought and coherence in the presentation.

Don't discuss several reasons in one paragraph. The paragraph is stronger when you offer strong discussion reasons for your topic sentence. The examiner is looking for a clear discussion, supported by strong examples in the paragraph. Giving 2 not so well explained reasons just creates an incoherent and non-cohesive paragraph presentation.

Your concluding paragraph is incorrectly formatted. I did not see a reverse paraphrase in it, which is what the concluding summary requires. Instead, the essay is open ended. You did not really prove that you are able to restate your own reasoning in 2 ways, which is the point of the concluding summary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Strict punishments for driving offences or other measures would be effective [2]

You have misunderstood the information in the prompt. There are 2 points of view being supplied:

- strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reduce traffic accidents
- other measures would be more effective in improving road safety

Based on these 2 discussion points, a collective set of instructions were provided:
- Discuss both views give your own opinion.

Count the number of topics to be discussed; 2 public points of view plus one personal opinion. 3 Reasoning paragraphs required. Count the parts of the essay:

- Paraphrase statement
- First public point of view discussion
- Second public point of view discussion
- Personal opinion presentation
- Concluding summary

There are a total of 5 paragraphs to be presented. You only presented 4 paragraphs in your essay. Each paragraph does not use an ownership reference to the opinion being discussed to represent the 2 public discussion points. Therefore, both reasoning paragraphs will be seen as personal opinions. You will lose TA and word count points for this error. The essay will be deemed under the word count because you are discussing only your personal opinion. Ownership words you could start the sentences with are "The people support the punishment point of view because, The alternative punishment supporters say that, I compared the two opinions and decided that...These discussion points should be considered well because..."

Subject - verb agreement problems showed up when you said "The aims of these punishment is", Aims is plural so it should be "The aims of these punishmentS ARE." When using an introductory element in "As a result drivers", place a comma after the phrase "As a result, " The concluding summary should be divided into more sentences. This is a run-on presentation.

Scholarship / Applied of GIS in land Management system for urban sustainable development [2]

I am not sure as to what kind of essay you are writing here. You forgot to indicate if this is a personal statement, statement of purpose, motivation essay, or what other type of essay the university might require. As such, I will be unable to review your essay for content. I can only review it for grammar appropriateness. Sorry, that's how it goes. In fact, I am sad that I can only give you a basic review.

You have spelling and grammar errors:
suport = support
goverment = government
skillful = skilful
analisys = analysis

Use a comma after a conjunction as in "professionals , but we are not..."

You tend to use more words than necessary to explain yourself in this essay. Focus on making the essay shorter and more informative. Make sure you work on presenting your information immediately. You don't need to beat around the bush in an application essay. The reviewer will accept straightforward statements instead.

Writing Feedback / FORMAL EDUCATION - the best moment to start (IELTS WRITING TASK 2) [3]

The approach to the essay prompt is incorrect. The format for the essay response is also incorrect. Being a 2 point of view with personal opinion essay, this should be represented by a 5 paragraph essay. The 3 reasoning paragraphs should be representing one public point of view each and one personal opinion. This essay was converted into a personal opinion essay alone. Therefore, the task will be considered partially correct and word count will be deducted for the unrepresented prompt discussion points. The essay will immediately meet a failing score because of the prompt and discussion errors.

Please remember that properly identifying which point of view is being discussed in every paragraph is important for the clarity of the discussion. Hence the reference to each public point of view as a topic sentence always ensures that the paragraph clearly discusses the reasons indicated in the original prompt. Your essay does not do that. You merely discuss personal opinions and observations, without indicating that these are representative of each public point of view. That is why the whole reasoning section will be deemed to be a personal opinion alone. Next time, properly restate the discussion and use reference words in your reasoning discussion to highlight the public (Groups believe that, Contrary to this public opinion, some sectors explain that, etc.) and private point of view.

Scholarship / KGSP - Statement of Purpose (Goal of study & Study Plan + Future Plan - Media Reporter) [2]

Your essay lacks focus. I am wondering if you were required to write a college thesis before you graduated from your journalism course? If you did, then you know how to format a thesis proposal. The thesis proposal is the same type of representation the essay response for this part of your application needs. You have to focus on several aspects:

- Abstract
- Introduction
- Background
- Description of proposed research
- Institutional resources and personnel required
- Expected outcome

The future plan is not required in this essay. That is a totally separate essay presentation for the GKS application. Just focus on delivering an essay version of a thesis proposal or, follow an actual thesis proposal presentation.

Do not over inform, just stick to the basic requirements. That is all the reviewer requires for this particular section of your application. Don't write too much, you may just run out of space on the page. Keep is simple and present what is required. Forget the future plan, forget what other types of study you will do while a student at the university. You are getting mixed up. Some of the presented information here are required for the GKS undergraduate scholarship application. This only requires the Goal of study - Title of study - Study plan in order to be completed.

Writing Feedback / CBEST PROMPT Explain what led to your decision to become a teacher. [5]

Some grammar issues can be seen in your work. Mistakes such as "me an (AND) my classmates" are easily seen by the reviewer. Your use of a capital letter after a comma is also a writing mistake as all first words of a new sentence and nouns are capitalized in the presentation. By the way, change your verb form auxiliary in the sentence "... I used to said (say)"... Brush up on your connecting word usage (When my friends came over TO my house).

The essay sometimes lack clarity such as wehn you referred to your mother. You did not set up the sentence to first indicate that your mother is a teacher, so the explanation you gave was kind of confusing to the reader. The word "because" is never used to kick off a sentence because it is a connecting word.

As for the question you posed to GATE, since he is not a contributor, he is not allowed to consider if your essay is passing or not. He is only a student himself and not a CBEST reviewer nor test taker. However, contributors at this forum are equipped to make such deductions so you should be asking a contributor that question instead. I am a contributor and I can tell you that this essay is acceptable at this point. Based on the existing errors, the highest score you could possibly get for this type of writing is within the 3 bracket.

Writing Feedback / [Writing task 2 IELTS] The responsibility of residents and government in protecting the environment [5]

The prompt paraphrase would have been more effective if it contained the 5 sentence requirement for the discussion. Your first sentence contains two topic presentations. That should have been presented as two separate topic discussion sentences within the paragraph. Good work on creating an understandable opinion though.

You are using word fillers in the body paragraphs instead of direct discussion sentences. The direct discussion sentences help to create clarity in your essay. A roundabout discussion does add to your word count, but takes you longer to make your point. Remember, there are only 40 minutes for this task where clarity of explanation is of the essence. Kick off with a topic sentence and explain yourself fully within 5 sentences. Longer sentence presentations does not assure you of a higher score. You are scored on how well you explain yourself in English in the quickest possible manner, under time constraints. So keep the sentences mid length instead.

The essay does not have a concluding summary so you will lose a bit more points for that. The essay ended on an open discussion rather than a conclusion, which means your TA score will be affected. Remember, every essay needs a conclusion, your personal opinion is not counted as a conclusion. That is always considered a part of the reasoning paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / The shortage of accommodation in big cities [4]

If I am right and this is an extent essay, you will lose major points with this type of response because of the lack of direct response to the given question which is:

To what extent do you agree or disagree? All I read in the prompt paraphrase was a direct opinion instead of a measured response. Therefore, your task response will be deemed unrelated to the task, which means you may get a TA score of 2 with this essay. That is because you did not express a clear position based on the prompt requirement.

As you very well know, you will not be able to get achieve a 5 band score if you do not do well in the TA section which is comprised of :

- Paraphrased prompt
- Response to prompt question

Therefore, regardless of how many words you wrote for this essay, you will not find yourself scoring close to the passing mark. By the way, you should not be writing 367 words for this essay. Based on the 40 minute time limit, you should be writing only about 290 words maximum for this essay. You are encouraged to write more words by most tutors, however, those tutors fail to consider that it is not the number of words that you are scored on but rather, the clarity of your discussion. You are over presenting the reasons in every paragraph without a clear explanation as to how these relate together. Remember, all examples and reasons must create a cohesive paragraph. You can do that in 5 sentences, which is the normal length of each paragraph presented.

Additionally, your discussion makes suggestions regarding the problem instead of offering an explanation of why you agree with the discussion. I strongly suggest that you learn to review and understand the discussion requirements before you start writing an essay. If you misunderstand the discussion, you will end up with a misrepresented essay. Which can then lead to a not so flattering final score on your part.

Writing Feedback / General Training - Task 1 - Type: Informal Letter - Subject: Staying in a relative house [3]

There are a few sentence presentations here that do not sound natural in the English language. However, the examiner will overlook that since he is conscious of the fact that you are an English Second Language learner. Besides, the unnatural tone did not prevent you from delivering the required information for the letter. However, when you offer to pay for your stay, don't say "might" as if you are expecting your cousin to let you stay for free. Instead, refer to the company as "has agreed to pay for all expenses" or a similar presentation. That way you truly meet the writing requirement that says "offer to pay for yourself". Overall, not a bad job. This type of writing can probably earn you a score of 6. Not that you were asking. I just thought you might be inspired to do even better with your next practice essay if I let you know that you are doing well enough on your practice tests for you to risk trying to write in a slightly more advanced form so that you can probably get a higher score,

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Line graph on four materials recycling rate over time [3]

I would still prefer that you do not use required information in a parenthesis. That is not actually a type of punctuation mark that helps advance your score in this presentation. A parenthesis is used mostly for optional or related but not too important information. You have to understand that every piece of information in this chart is important, not optional or distantly related to the topic being discussed. So give it the proper importance it deserves. You did a good job on presenting the information in this essay. The punctuation marks you used show that you have an increasingly good grasp of how to write in English. You have also shown that you know how to properly use estimates when required in the essay. Overall, this is a passing score essay. It may not be perfect yet, but the mistakes made are minimal enough to probably earn you a score of 6. I look forward to seeing you progress further with your writing skills.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays people use social media to keep up with the news. Why do they do this? [5]

All paragraphs need to be comprised of 3 sentences at least. Writing 2 sentences means you are not following the required writing format for the essay. You must make sure that your work meets the minimum scoring requirements for every paragraph so that you can get a proper scoring consideration for every aspect of the rubic. By the way, you need to rephrase your response from a simple "I think it has a positive trend" to "I view this as a good outcome of social media emergence." or something similar. Just make sure you don't just cut ant paste a response. You will lose TA points for that.

Do not over discuss your paragraphs. Your presentation in the second paragraph became difficult to understand when you decided to throw in too much information in your sample sentence. One or two reference samples in a related discussion sentence is fine, 6 in one sentence means the sentence will spin out of control and end up being a confusing mess to read. That is what happened to that paragraph. It is a jumbled mess of a run-on sentence.

Your paragraphs are over written. There is a 5 sentence limitation on your presentations per paragraph for a reason. It helps to keep the paragraph focused on a discussion topic. One discussion topic. You are not debating in a competition here. You are just trying to explain your point of view to the examiner. You don't need to over present reasons. What you should be doing, is giving a simple explanation as to why your point of view is the right one.

Watch out for your punctuation marks. You forgot to stick a period at the end of your improperly formatted concluding paragraph. What happened to the required opinion, body paragraph summary, and closing sentence in that presentation?

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 : In modern society, people think primary schools should teach science [3]

You did not paraphrase the introduction paragraph enough. You are doing a direct cut and paste of " teaching science and technology instead of history and geography" You need to find more synonyms for the words teaching, science, technology, history, and geography. Use a thesaurus or a dictionary to find similar meaning words that you can use. Remember those words for your actual test time.

Your opening paragraph also does not respond to the prompt question. The question is: Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

What you did was present a comparative opinion of the discussion instead of simply saying "I agree / disagree with this statement for reasons that i believe are valid." There is no "partly agree". This is not an extent essay. You have to pick a side and discuss it. Since you did not pick a side and chose to discuss supporting information for both sides, your essay will be deemed unrelated to the provided task. Hence, you will get a tremendously low TA score. Do not use an extent response if you are not writing an extent essay.

Writing Feedback / How to succeed in academic life [3]

This is a pretty good practice run for your English sentence writing skills. There are a few unclear references in the essay though. There is a lack of clarity in the following sentences:

- She has achieved working at Google. * How did her scholarships and English qualifications get her a job at Google? Be specific. Give examples to prove that this is what worked for your sister.

- That is why... take seriously. - What first step?

- Finally, whatever you do... to give up the goal. * This sentence doesn't make any sense. What is the subject of the sentence? You only have a verb reference.

Avoid run-on sentences. Most of your paragraphs are too long. Try not to be so long winded in your presentation. Make sure you always give each sentence a topic and reason. Just one of each. Don't overload the sentences. That is what is causing your structural mistakes in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: The solution for cutting down a lot of trees [4]

As the essay is 4 words below he minimum requirement for the Task 2 test, you can expect to receive an equivalent number of score deductions in your TA presentation. You have to write at least 250 words, no more than 290 words for this task. You will not be able to achieve a passing mark when you write less than the required number of words.

Since the prompt was not provided for this essay, I will review other aspects of your work instead. Please remember to post the prompt next time.

Most of your presentation problems lie within the cohesiveness and coherence section of the scoring rubic. You have a tendency to not follow the appropriate writing format for the paragraphs. Each paragraph must be composed of 3-5 sentences that focus on a topic sentence, reasoning sentence, example, supporting explanation, and transition sentence. Your essay lacks clarity because you discuss too many topics in one sentence. Leading an incoherent presentation and a discussion that the reader will find difficult to keep track of. You have to learn to discuss your reasoning paragraphs in a short but informative manner.

Focus on the clarity of your explanation instead of the number of reasons. You have to prove that you can explain your reasons to the English native speaker in a manner that he can understand. If you keep jabbering away, without ensuring that your sentiment is understood, then all that typing was for nothing. You will score low in the GRA and C&C section. Add to that the vocabulary problems and sentence structure problems of the essay and you will understand why you may not reach a 5 band mark with this type of writing.

Writing Feedback / Learning a foreign language is to travel or work in a foreign country. Others don't think so. [4]

This is a comparative essay. You cannot form an opinion in a comparative essay until the third body paragraph. That is because the prompt requires you to first consider the two sides of the discussion before you present an opinion. How can you present an opinion if you have not considered both sides yet? Bad move. You just lost major TA points because you represented an opinion, when you should not have done so yet. By the way, you cannot have point of views. You can have a point of view or points of view, but never point of views.

This is a 5 paragraph essay. You only used 2 paragraphs for your body so that means you did not properly represent the 2 public opinions prior to presenting your personal opinion. As I reviewed your work, I saw that you neglected to use public point of view references in both body paragraphs. This will lead the examiner to believe that you only responded to the personal opinion aspect as you failed to properly represent each public point of view with a public reference for the opinion being discussed.

Your under developed ideas in each paragraph was not helped by your grammatical error of having used the connecting word "because" to start a sentence. There needs to be a prior reference point in an existing sentence before that term can be used. It is a cause and effect word. It references the effect of a particular cause in a sentence. Don't make that mistake again. It will affect your GRA points.

A personal opinion is normally the 3rd paragraph in this essay. It is never a concluding statement. The concluding statement is always a reverse paraphrase of the previous discussion. Your essay has an open ending instead of a conclusion because of this error on your part.

Writing Feedback / The difficulties people have when they integrate into a new country [5]

The overview information is incomplete. You should have indicated the age ranges, the source of information, and measurement type along with an explanation of what the bar chart is all about. You could have increased your TA score by having a better presentation of the overview summary. Writing 3-5 sentences per paragraph never hurt anyone's score. In fact, it gave the essay a chance at increased scoring. You separated your sentences so much that it did not really come across as a cohesive information presentation. It was difficult to keep track of the related information.

All of your sentences are under the minimum paragraph sentence requirement. That explains why your word count is not at the ideal level of writing which is 175 words. Next time, use more sentences in your essay. Utilize all 5 sentence presentations so that are sure that your explanation is coming across clearly to the reader and that you have not missed out on any information. Always review your essay data for any missed points, of which I found several in this presentation. You wrote over the minimum, but not enough to prove a thorough analysis of the bar chart information.

Scholarship / Personal Statement for KGSP - Master in Southeast Asian Studies. [2]

The main problem with this essay is that you do not really respond to the professional aspect of the discussion. You are not making any reference to your profession and how your previous education has helped you reached a point where a Korean education is important for you to be able to take the next step in your career. Your sole focus was on the "reasons for studying in Korea" and nothing more. That is all that this essay discusses and that is why this essay will not help you progress past the first round. Revise the essay keeping in mind the required information from the prompt guidelines. Make sure to deliver on all those aspects. Reduce the focus on the motivation for your studies in Korea. That should not take up 90 percent of your essay. That should only be 40 % at the most. Try to connect everything to a professional motivation or objective for wishing to pursue this course and studies in Korea. The essay sounds more like publicity for Korea instead of a masters degree motivation letter.

Writing Feedback / Change in structure of an island - the first one is before, and the second one after the development [4]

As I am not sure if the image supplied above is accurate and actually a part of the Task 1 essay that you wrote, I will not be referring to it in my review. It is your responsibility as the student, to post the image that accompanies your essay. It is not the responsibility of the people at this forum to supply you with that image. Kindly supply an image with your next posting should you decide to continue participating in this forum. In the meantime, let me give you a general review of your work. That is the best that can be done owing to your forgetting to upload the image with the post.

Whenever you use an introductory element such as "However" and "So", you need to use a comma to separate the serious intonation of your statement from the actual information. The introductory element is used to hook the reader into the paragraph, so there needs to be a pause in order to allow the reader time to anticipate what the next discussion will be.

Remember to use a comma when presenting a conjunction. That is because the conjunction is used to join together phrases or words within a sentence in a related manner. I am not sure if you should be using a word of uncertainty in this essay because the image normally gives a precise measurement. So you need to present the measurement as factual instead of uncertain in the report. Do not use contractions in the sentence such as "don't". This is a professional and academic report, keep the tone formal by spelling out the word. Do not use casual English references.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Population in Australia according to nationalities and living areas [3]

When you write a report based on 2 different charts, make sure that you identify which type of chart you are presenting information for in the presentation. Remember, the assumption here is that the examiner will not have a copy of the image to base your report in. Without your identification of the type of image you are discussing, the examiner will tend to get confused and be unable to reconcile the data with the correct image. This will affect your TA plus C&C score.

As you write the summary overview, remember that you are supposed to present a trending statement that does not yet include any information from the chart. The trending statement talks about highs and lows while keeping the actual information for the body of the essay. The summary overview in the Task 1 test is equivalent to the prompt restatement in Task 2. Both sections do not require actual data presentation immediately. By the way, don't present information in a parenthesis. It is always part of the actual discussion, never an optional discussion.

Remember that each sentence needs to clearly represent information from the image. Your second paragraph is lacking in the 3 sentence requirement to meet the minimum standards for a paragraph. You should make sure to divide the information into individual sentences so as to meet the sentence requirement per paragraph and also, allow you the opportunity to clearly explain your data interpretation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- LOSS OF BIO-DIVERSITY- CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS [4]

You may write up to 3 reasoning paragraphs for any Task 2 essay. The reason this maximum paragraph number was given is because the test taker is being given enough room to thoroughly explain yourself in English. Additionally, every paragraph should have only one topic sentence and up to 5 justification sentences. In your essay, you tried to discuss 2 topics in one paragraph, which led to lack of clarity in your discussion and an error in your paragraph formatting. Please utilize the 3 paragraph format when you feel that you have more than 1 justification discussion to present. Otherwise, your essay becomes weak in terms of discussion presentation and ability to clearly explain your position to the reader.

Please avoid run-on sentences in your paraphrasing both in the introduction and conclusion of your essay. This is the reason why you came in under the word count. The lacking words will be deducted from your TA score. Your conclusion is not a proper concluding summary. It will add to your points deductions because you did not properly summarize the body of your discussion. Had you done a proper summary, you would not have been short on the minimum word count. You would have been either at the word count requirement or, over just enough over the word count to gain better scoring considerations overall.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Deforestation - Give your opinions and solutions [4]

In order to review your essay based on the prompt requirement, I need to have a copy of the actual prompt. Since there are several practice essays regarding this topic, I cannot be sure of what the actual discussion reference for your essay is, even though I have a comprehensive listing of all the Task 2 questions. Please provide the prompt next time you post at this forum. In the meantime, here is a general review of the grammar related mistakes in your work.

I believe your essay will score better if you do not focus on using advanced vocabulary when the sentence can be completed using simpler words. You don't need to impress the examiner with your vocabulary knowledge, you need to impress the examiner with your ability to present your clear thoughts in the essay. That is often done using simpler vocabulary. For instance, saying "apparent" when the word "clear" will do a better job of delivering a coherent message in a sentence will help your LR, GRA, and C&C score. Bad consequences is not a good descriptive adjective. It tends to create a blurred sentence meaning and presentation. Using terms like adverse or dire consequences would have worked better for the clarity of your presentation.

Writing Feedback / The balance - Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female study in every subject [4]

Do not outline your discussion in the opening statement of your Task 2 test. The first paragraph is the English comprehension portion of the test. The examiner is looking at your ability to restate an English paragraph using your own words. He is also looking at your ability to respond to English questions. Your proper response to the prompt requirement will prove your English comprehension skills. The essay is also not the one responding to the prompt. The response is coming from you. So, you have to refer to yourself in first person in the response and throughout the essay itself. Here is a sample of the proper paraphrase:

University administrators are discussing a question in relation to student admissions in their schools. There is an inquiry as to whether or not they should admit a proportional set of gentlemen and ladies as pupils in different courses. My strong opinion, is that the universities should admit an equal number of genders in every college major.

GRA scores will be affected by our use of conjunctions in this essay. Avoid shortened versions of "do not", "that is" , "He is", etc. This is an academic paper. As such, you must use formal rather than informal English word presentations at all times.

Your first reasoning paragraph does not have clear explanation and strong supporting information for the example presented. It is confusing to read and makes little sense to a native English speaker. You have 5 sentences per paragraph. Make sure to use the sentences after the example to better explain the meaning of your paragraph.

The topic sentence of the second reasoning paragraph is incomplete. There is a subject, but no verb to describe the action or topic of the sentence. Make sure every sentence you write has meaning. Maybe the sentence sounded complete in your mother tongue, but it certainly did not give any information to the reader in English.

There is no properly concluded summary in the presentation. The last sentence in the presentation is a run-on sentence that leaves the essay open ended instead of concluded with a summarized discussion. The essay is not very well developed, written, and presented so it will not be able to achieve a passing score in an actual setting.