fikri
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - The gender issue for getting education needs [6]
please, you need to put space between paragraphs to show their differences
please, you need to put space between paragraphs to show their differences
fikri
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Doing same things vs Making change - Which is good? [5]
please, put space between paragraphs to show their differences
please, put space between paragraphs to show their differences
fikri
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / ielts: the reason why sports competions has replaced war [6]
where is the question?
also, you made some misspelling and capitalization mistakes
Over the past fifty years sport has played an increasingly important role in our society as a substitute for war. therefore the vast amount of money spent on international competitions such as Olympic games can be justified.
where is the question?
also, you made some misspelling and capitalization mistakes
fikri
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: People have different views about who is responsible for raising chilrden [6]
please, give space to show the differences between each paragraphs
also, you need to explain more by giving more details examples
please, give space to show the differences between each paragraphs
also, you need to explain more by giving more details examples
fikri
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing: Number of phone services in US - line graph essay [3]
the given line chart presents the overall spending on mobile phone service and line phone service throughout 2001 and 2010 in United States
Given is the line graph presenting the overall spending on mobiles phone services and land line phone services throughout 2001 and 2010 in United States.
the given line chart presents the overall spending on mobile phone service and line phone service throughout 2001 and 2010 in United States
fikri
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Teacher is the best option for children's education in some aspects. [5]
you should use about as the preposition of 'agree' as the right preposition,
this sentence is confusing, could you explain?
I agree with the view
you should use about as the preposition of 'agree' as the right preposition,
Not only do they contribute much to children's professional skills but also they can teach their students important social communication techniques in order to survive in this competitive world
this sentence is confusing, could you explain?
fikri
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: job inquiry - guide tourists in you town for a travel company [4]
also, you need to put space between paragraphs to show the differences between them
also, you need to put space between paragraphs to show the differences between them
fikri
Jun 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The two approaches to life: change or unchange? Personal preference? [5]
your task asks you to compare, so it seems better if you use comparison signal or contrast such as however, on the other hand, in contrary, etc to show that the paragraph contains contrast to the paragraph before
your task asks you to compare, so it seems better if you use comparison signal or contrast such as however, on the other hand, in contrary, etc to show that the paragraph contains contrast to the paragraph before
fikri
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts - fast food is good or bad? [10]
is it an essay?
this is an example of ielts task 2 essay
Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about the funding of creative artists. While some people disagree with the idea of government support for artists, I believe that money for art projects should come from both governments and other sources.
Some art projects definitely require help from the state. In the UK, there are many works of art in public spaces, such as streets or squares in city centres. In Liverpool, for example, there are several new statues and sculptures in the docks area of the city, which has been redeveloped recently. These artworks represent culture, heritage and history. They serve to educate people about the city, and act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists. Governments and local councils should pay creative artists to produce this kind of art, because without their funding our cities would be much less interesting and attractive.
On the other hand, I can understand the arguments against government funding for art. The main reason for this view is that governments have more important concerns. For example, state budgets need to be spent on education, healthcare, infrastructure and security, among other areas. These public services are vital for a country to function properly, whereas the work of creative artists, even in public places, is a luxury. Another reason for this opinion is that artists do a job like any other professional, and they should therefore earn their own money by selling their work.
In conclusion, there are good reasons why artists should rely on alternative sources of financial support, but in my opinion government help is sometimes necessary.
is it an essay?
this is an example of ielts task 2 essay
Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about the funding of creative artists. While some people disagree with the idea of government support for artists, I believe that money for art projects should come from both governments and other sources.
Some art projects definitely require help from the state. In the UK, there are many works of art in public spaces, such as streets or squares in city centres. In Liverpool, for example, there are several new statues and sculptures in the docks area of the city, which has been redeveloped recently. These artworks represent culture, heritage and history. They serve to educate people about the city, and act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists. Governments and local councils should pay creative artists to produce this kind of art, because without their funding our cities would be much less interesting and attractive.
On the other hand, I can understand the arguments against government funding for art. The main reason for this view is that governments have more important concerns. For example, state budgets need to be spent on education, healthcare, infrastructure and security, among other areas. These public services are vital for a country to function properly, whereas the work of creative artists, even in public places, is a luxury. Another reason for this opinion is that artists do a job like any other professional, and they should therefore earn their own money by selling their work.
In conclusion, there are good reasons why artists should rely on alternative sources of financial support, but in my opinion government help is sometimes necessary.
fikri
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Do young people have much greater influence nowadays than it was? [4]
Any information or event in one part of the world can be easily reach the other, due to the Internet
also, do not put specific data in your intro, just put them in your body-para to give more explanation
Any information or event in one part of the world can easily reach the other, due to the Internet.
Any information or event in one part of the world can be easily reach the other, due to the Internet
also, do not put specific data in your intro, just put them in your body-para to give more explanation
fikri
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Letter to a friend - he agreed to look after your house and pet [3]
here, it is not a problem if you put it/ his to change the word 'dog/my dog'
but, pay more attention to be consistent, if at first you use 'it', so you should use this word in all parts of your essay, don't change by word 'his/ him'
here, it is not a problem if you put it/ his to change the word 'dog/my dog'
but, pay more attention to be consistent, if at first you use 'it', so you should use this word in all parts of your essay, don't change by word 'his/ him'
fikri
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Police force carries guns - significant impact for level of violence [6]
when you write an essay which shows contrast, you should put some contrast signal,
for example, in the second paragraph you may start by word 'to begin with' then, next paragraph will be started by 'on the other hand' / 'however'
when you write an essay which shows contrast, you should put some contrast signal,
for example, in the second paragraph you may start by word 'to begin with' then, next paragraph will be started by 'on the other hand' / 'however'
fikri
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The three-column figure illustrates a survey of 1000 teenagers [3]
you made misspelling,
also, you use 'people' more than 5 times,it may make the readers feel bored
Japanese young peole believed people above 18 can bear the responsibilities.
you made misspelling,
also, you use 'people' more than 5 times,it may make the readers feel bored
fikri
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Modern values; social status and material possessions [8]
you missed some punctuation, maybe it seems small,but when you put them in appropriate places,it may help you to raise your score and make the readers easier to catch your points as well
you missed some punctuation, maybe it seems small,but when you put them in appropriate places,it may help you to raise your score and make the readers easier to catch your points as well
fikri
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Online learning or real school? Provide your opinion. [5]
in my opinion, it seems better if you put your own opinion in different paragraph rather than you put in conclusion paragraph,
you may put your opinion in a paragraph before conclusion and after the third paragraph
in my opinion, it seems better if you put your own opinion in different paragraph rather than you put in conclusion paragraph,
you may put your opinion in a paragraph before conclusion and after the third paragraph
fikri
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Is the economic development more important than protecting the environment? [3]
what type of your essay is?
if you write ielts essay, in column 'Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful! [?]' you should write IELTS TASK1/2 + YOUR TOPIC
what type of your essay is?
if you write ielts essay, in column 'Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful! [?]' you should write IELTS TASK1/2 + YOUR TOPIC
fikri
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Working/Traveling between finishing school and starting university? [8]
yup,,,you may use these signals (on the other hand, however, in contrast, etc ) in the beginning of the paragraph before conclusion or the paragraph which contains contrast explanation to the one before
yup,,,you may use these signals (on the other hand, however, in contrast, etc ) in the beginning of the paragraph before conclusion or the paragraph which contains contrast explanation to the one before
fikri
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts - Fast food popularity- Positive or Negative? [3]
what kind of your essay? IELTS?
which task that you wrote above? in IELTS task 2, you shpuld write at least 250 words, also you should separate them into introduction-bodies-conclusion
what kind of your essay? IELTS?
which task that you wrote above? in IELTS task 2, you shpuld write at least 250 words, also you should separate them into introduction-bodies-conclusion
fikri
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Working/Traveling between finishing school and starting university? [8]
when you want to write advantages and disadvantages type of essay, you may put a contrast signal between advantages and disadvantages paragraph, because they are contrast,so it will be better rather than you use sequences
when you want to write advantages and disadvantages type of essay, you may put a contrast signal between advantages and disadvantages paragraph, because they are contrast,so it will be better rather than you use sequences
fikri
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Increased taxation on petrol and diesel fuel to discourage private cars? [12]
try to pay more attention to small details, or it maybe your bigger problem
:)
Suppose that the those countries ...
However, it its disadvantages ...
try to pay more attention to small details, or it maybe your bigger problem
:)
fikri
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS pie chart and table - agricultural crisis [6]
it seems to me that it is better if you put moreover rather than using 'on the other hand'
The given pie chart presents the different reason for land degradation globally. On the other hand, the table illustrates the percentage of soil degradation and its causes on three regions in the year 1990.
it seems to me that it is better if you put moreover rather than using 'on the other hand'
fikri
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Zoos are cruel or useful? [6]
it seems extremely unbalanced, try to make it balance by giving more details in the third paragraph,
it seems extremely unbalanced, try to make it balance by giving more details in the third paragraph,
fikri
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Customs and behaviours followed by tourists or host should welcome. [8]
put the task, please! it will be easier for the readers to know what type of your essay is..also, you should put space between paragraphs to make your essay more interesting to read and easier to catch your points,
put the task, please! it will be easier for the readers to know what type of your essay is..also, you should put space between paragraphs to make your essay more interesting to read and easier to catch your points,
fikri
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Children's engagement in paid work. Right or wrong? [11]
your paragraphs seem unbalance, it will be better if you write the same sentences in most of your bodies except introduction and conclusion, so the readers will see that your points have balance explanation and maybe easier to understand
your paragraphs seem unbalance, it will be better if you write the same sentences in most of your bodies except introduction and conclusion, so the readers will see that your points have balance explanation and maybe easier to understand
fikri
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - To encourage old people using mobile phones and the internet [3]
small mistakes may decrease your score,,be more careful,,
can better our life it should be can make our life better , modal should be followed by verb 1
Last but not least, we can propagate the ideas that using mobile phones and the internet can better our life.
small mistakes may decrease your score,,be more careful,,
fikri
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - Children are raised by grandparents. How family is affected? [7]
grandparents also teach them good manners and some practical thoughts of life
you may put 'and' because there is no additional information after the word 'life'
grandparents also teach them good manners, some practical thoughts of life
grandparents also teach them good manners and some practical thoughts of life
you may put 'and' because there is no additional information after the word 'life'
fikri
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS sports and games are devised to spend the leisure time; patriotic emotions [4]
please, put any spaces between paragraphs, the readers may be confuse when they read an essay without space between each paragraph
please, put any spaces between paragraphs, the readers may be confuse when they read an essay without space between each paragraph
fikri
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Learning a foreign language at elementary school brings lots of benefits [6]
you cannot put a contraction in IELTS Essay, you must write completely.
what's should be 'what is'
What's more, increasing their workload too much so early may interrupt their learning processes on other subjects, including their mother language.
you cannot put a contraction in IELTS Essay, you must write completely.
what's should be 'what is'
fikri
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Prevention is better than cure. Agree or not? 'materialistic diversion' [9]
If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right. this is an example:
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Here's my introduction. Notice that I use a "while" sentence to express my balanced opinion.
It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamourous lifestyles rather than for the work they do. While I agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other famous people act as positive role models.
If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right. this is an example:
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Here's my introduction. Notice that I use a "while" sentence to express my balanced opinion.
It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamourous lifestyles rather than for the work they do. While I agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other famous people act as positive role models.
fikri
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] University education restriction. Just for best students? Agree or not? [2]
If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right.
this is an example :
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Here's my introduction. Notice that I use a "while" sentence to express my balanced opinion.
It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamourous lifestyles rather than for the work they do. While I agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other famous people act as positive role models.
If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right.
this is an example :
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Here's my introduction. Notice that I use a "while" sentence to express my balanced opinion.
It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamourous lifestyles rather than for the work they do. While I agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other famous people act as positive role models.
fikri
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: THE ADVERSE OPINION OF SCHOOL LEAVERS [3]
in IELTS writing task, you must put space between paragraphs, as a result the readers will easier to catch your ideas,
also, it may increase your score
in IELTS writing task, you must put space between paragraphs, as a result the readers will easier to catch your ideas,
also, it may increase your score
fikri
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - If Police should carry guns or not? [7]
in the third paragraph, it will seem clearly if you put more detail examples, you may take from daily living around you or from some news
in the third paragraph, it will seem clearly if you put more detail examples, you may take from daily living around you or from some news
fikri
May 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: factor of choosing a career. [8]
you put too many commas here
For example, people, who work in monotonous jobs, where no achievements or a new positions can be reached feel themselves more dissatisfied, even though they have a very good salaries.
you put too many commas here
fikri
May 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : An enjoyable job or a good salary? Discuss both sides and give your view [7]
here, you can explain more about your example (Bill Gates), explain about his life which is connected to your topic
Such belief can be proved because it is common to find the rich with high social status, like Bill Gates.
here, you can explain more about your example (Bill Gates), explain about his life which is connected to your topic
fikri
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS academic rich-poor conflict [6]
additionally, in writing task IELTS, you should give space between each paragraph,
so, the readers will be not confused when they read your essay
additionally, in writing task IELTS, you should give space between each paragraph,
so, the readers will be not confused when they read your essay
fikri
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Recent medical problems and sedentary lifestyle. [9]
this conclusion is too short, here you may put a suggestion to the readers
Given these evidences, it can be seen that people are facing up with many recently appeared illnesses due to aforementioned reasons.
this conclusion is too short, here you may put a suggestion to the readers
fikri
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task - CHANGING CAREER AND PLACE OF LIVING ; POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE? [7]
here, it will be better if you add a suggestion
Conclusively, it can be said that the benefits of changing careers are manifold. It leads to better financial status as well as an individual gets a chance to try his luck in other careers. Thus it is believed that in the coming time more and more people will change their careers leading to more fulfilling lives.
here, it will be better if you add a suggestion
fikri
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in schools [13]
you wrote an essay in a good composition, but it will be better if you put some punctuation in appropriate places, because I saw that you missed some of them
you wrote an essay in a good composition, but it will be better if you put some punctuation in appropriate places, because I saw that you missed some of them
fikri
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Tax Private car owner for improve public transportation which is problematic [3]
to connect these paragraphs, you should use a connector which shows contrast such as 'however' 'on the other hand' etc,,it will help the readers to easily understand what is the content of these paragraphs
to connect these paragraphs, you should use a connector which shows contrast such as 'however' 'on the other hand' etc,,it will help the readers to easily understand what is the content of these paragraphs
fikri
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Is international sport releasing patriotic emotions? 'fans support their teams' [4]
in IELTS task, if you want to reach the higher score, you should mention the another opinion,
For example, if you agree with the statement, you should mention and explain as well the another opinion
in IELTS task, if you want to reach the higher score, you should mention the another opinion,
For example, if you agree with the statement, you should mention and explain as well the another opinion