Undergraduate / Application for UGRAD - What hobbies and interests do you enjoy / design and movies [2]

Focus on your current hobby of writing movie reviews. Mention that first before the childhood foundation. The less you mention of the childhood fascination with cinema, the better your response will be. There needs to be a sense of enjoyment in your responses though. Rather than coming across as enjoyable hobbies, these comes across as stiff responses that fail to show how you enjoy your spare time. Try to avoid constantly connecting your responses to your chosen major. Be friendly rather than competitive, as in the case of ballet. This is not about that. This is all about showing your diverse interests that may be entertaining, helpful, or a learning experience for your batchmates. It should show how you enjoy being alone and being with a group in seperate settings.

Letters / MOTIVATION LETTER: EUROPEAN MASTER OF SUSTAINABLE FOOD SYSTEMS ENGINEERING, TECHNOLOGY, AND BUSINESS [2]


Explain why you are seeking a double masters at this time owing to the fact that you have already completed a previous masters course. How does the double masters fit into the reasons for your return to academics? Convince the consortium that you have prevailing imperative reasons for a return to masters studies at thsi point.


Such as? How did these affect the industry in your opinion? How would you change it? Will this be part of your thesis or the basis of your thesis?


How will the knowledge apply to your workplace? How will it improve your skillset and allow you to help grow this sector in your country? What specific aspects of the program are of interest to you? Why did these interest you? Do not use a generic answer. This portion requires an accurate response.

*Contact me for a comprehensive review.

Writing Feedback / The rapid industrialization is the cause of the degradation of environment [2]

This is not a school research paper. This is a task 2 IELTS essay. The focus of this test is to prove that you can function in an English language classroom by proving your English comprehension and reasoning skills. That is why the first paragraph of this essay is known as the prompt restatement + personal opinion section. The examiner will assess your ability to restate a problem and offer a relevant response. Niether of which you did in this essay because you chose to take the research statement route and discuss the topic in the first paragraph. You failed to meet the scoring requirements for the task. You have failed to achieve a passing mark for the TA score due to the missing prompt restatement and relevant opinion. Nothing else matters. You have already shown an inability to restate a problem and, follow an instructed discussion format.

Scholarship / Business and Management Information Systems - EMJMD GLOCAL (Pathway B) [2]

You are confusing yourself by writing about everything you know about your academic, professional, and community background. You are just listing ideas and hoping that some of these will be useful to your application. It is not my job to weed through the prompt and your writing for relevant areas. That is something you should be doing as the writer of this essay. You are not writing gibberish, you are just not paying attention to the prompts.

Several of your paragraphs have no place in this essay as they do not answer the vital questions being asked. Not all of your experiences are relevant to the globalization focus of your "motivation" to return to school now. You need to figure out why you are driven to go back to school, what relevant activities you have, and how you see your career going forward before you can write a concise and applicable essay, Outline the questions, respond individually, that will help you stay on track by offering relevant information. Once you have done that, you can work on expanding your essay content properly.

Scholarship / Personal Statement attached below for GKS-G 2022 Scholarship for Masters in Film Studies [3]


I think you are using the wrong word here. A prediction is something that you see as a future event. In this case, you have not predicted anything since you are not a prophet nor a seer. Rather, you have been searching for a program, which means you are looking for an opportunity. An oppotunity is what you are asking for by writing this personal statement. Revise your opening statement. I know English is not your first language so be very careful about how you form your sentences.


Discuss your family background. Aside from the number of children, why should the committee be impressed by your family and your parental credentials? Do not jump to your academic background at once. Your family background carries just the same amount of weight when it comes to candidate consideration. Why should you be considered for the scholarship owing to your family situation and parental abilities?

*For a complete review, please contact me privately.

Letters / Motivation letter for civil engineering master application to RWHT Aachen University [2]

You focused more on your academic and professional biography rather than the specific intent of your interest in studying at RWHT. Therefore, you have created a personal statement rather than a letter of motivation. Upon full reading of this essay, it became very clear to me that you only have a general knowledge of the masters course you are applying to, what the university offers its students, and how these all relate to your academic needs in relation to professional progress. The essay must be given a Version 2.0 as this version does not meet the assessment requirements of a motivational letter. Less academic and professional background is required as the motivation should not discuss anything more than the academic goal and professional outcome that have driven the desire for higher theoretical learning. It is the desire to achieve these 2 aspects that should qualify you for higher learning, based on a summary of other required information as provided by the prompts.

*Contact me privately for a comprehensive prompt based review.

Letters / Motivation letter for Master's application to the Graduate Insisute of Geneva [4]


You are just repeating what you read on the website. There is no clear evidence that you have considered the course requirements nor, understand what the course is all about and why you will be truly successful in the field considering your text based knowledge and lack of proper international relations exposure.


Did you talk to current students, alumni, or participate in online events? Who were these people? Name names. What were the events? When did you participate? The part about your personal assessment as a reassurance that you will succeed in this program is highly questionable due to the vague responses you provide in relation to this aspect of candidate consideration.

Undergraduate / About my family and friends - TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE [4]

The response format is not appropriate for this statement. The family, friends, and community member responses must receive individual explanations. Each group must represent an understanding of who you are based upon their group representation. The family, would be how your parents and siblings perceive you as a child and sibling. The friends, see you as a classmate and personal associate. The community, explains how you get along with a diverse group of people, in a non-academic activity. The point of this essay is to represent your various characters based on the "they" rather than "I" because you are judged as to how well you fit in with the student community, mission, and objectives of the school. So you need to revise the response to create a rounded personality instead of focusing on only one aspect for all 3 groups. That does not depict your varied personality to the reviewer. You also need to focus on only one thing you are proud of as an accomplishment or character trait. You must write a totally new response and delete this version because it cannot be used.

Writing Feedback / Should teachers give students much homework? [2]

The prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph sounds like an English dictionary exploded all over it. The student clearly appears to have no control over his sentence formations and does not have any idea how to use English words in the context of grammar and definition. As such, the prompt restatement cannot recieve a passing score. This first paragraph cannot be given a passing score due to the incoherence of writing that will confuse the examiner.


Do not deviate from the prompt topic. Immediately discuss assignments. There is no sense in defending education when that is not the focal point of the essay. Only the discussion in relation to assignments is important.

While the writer wrote more than ample words to qualify the essay as above the word count. The essay will still fail because of his inability to write logical and coherent sentences / paragraphs. There is no way this type of writing can achieve a passing score because the required elements will not receive passing scores.

Writing Feedback / IELTS part 2 - Scientific research supervision [3]



You have provided a response sentence for 2 different discussion prompts in the task 2 essay. The former, is for the extent essay prompt. The latter, is the one that applies to this essay, without the "However" part. Kindly familiarize yourself with the response formats for each prompt type. You will lose points in this case because, by providing 2 thesis responses, you are telling the reviewer, quite clearly, that you did not understand the question and, are not sure about how to respond to the question. Hence, a failing score will have to be provided.


Please note that there is no argument or discussion provided in this essay so the word choice is incorrect. There is a single idea presented in the original topic which, should have been presented as a thought to the examiner, in order to follow the correct prompt restatement format. By arguing, you are again, showing incorrect interpretations and an additional deduction source for the LR section due to incorrect word usage.

Scholarship / Becoming a teacher - Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? [2]

The first paragraph is you, giving the reviewer a talking down about what a Global UGrad leader is. What his character should be composed of, and why. Take that all out. Reviewers do not appreciate applicants who try to tell them how to do their jobs because the student believes that his qualities are what the reviewer should approve. You have no idea what the reviewer is looking for in the candidate so do not mess up your chances by dictating that aspect to him.


That is unnecessary. The reviewer already knows they have the best educational system in the world. Do not point out the obvious. That will definitely irritate the reviewer and make him believe that you have no idea how to sell yourself as an emerging leader in your country because you lack that sort of relevant experience. Having read the full paragraph though, you do have the emerging qualifications, so don't waste your time with empty opening statements.

The essay needs to be improved. You have to speak of how you, as a teacher in training, can bring skills and cultural discussions to the program that can help further improve the American educational system and, allow for a cultural exchange and learning process among the participants of the program.

Undergraduate / Extracurriculars and intense studies - Stanford Prompt (about something that is meaningful) [2]

The response provided by the mother to the 10 year old child is not believable. it is a response that someone who has researched the life of Einstein will provide as a response to the same question. It is a made up scenario that you hope will impress the reviewer. Instead, he will see that you are trying extremely hard to make a memorable impression on the reviewer, to the point where, he will actually see through your actions.

In order to make this essay work, leave Einstein out of the discussion. Use a straightforward and heartfelt response instead. The main body has a good foundation, it just needs the same kind of personal introduction, without trying to over impress. The most impresssive responses are always, the ones that come from the heart rather from the imagination.

Letters / Computer science - Motivation letter for Stipendium Hungaricum scholarship [3]

Whatever you do, do not submit your essay in this current outline form. It not only cuts into your word / character count, but it also highlights your lack of ability to properly address all of the questions provided. Now, I am unsure as to whether you are applying to the college major track of masters program track of HSS because you did not mention it in your description. Neither did you actually identify the course you wish to take within the essay.

The reasons why you want so strudy computer science are not convincing since there was no real academic motivation and career target mentioned. Only a discussion of the hardships in your country was provided, which are not considerations that the reviewer will consider as vital to your application. You also fail to provide a convincing reason to study n Hungary. The rest of your responses are also weak. In fact, it gets weaker with every question you try to provide a response to.

Never rush the responses. Take your time to develop serious responses that are based on actual personal assessments of each question. This is your first and last chance to convince the reviewer that you should be given a shot at this scholarship. Providing simple responses that make no sense, such as the ones above, are the best way to assure you will not get considered for the program.

Undergraduate / UGRAD - 'Who would be born must first destroy the world.' - LEADERSHIP APPROACH [2]

You were not a leader in this case. The movements you undertook were that of an individual who was not working with his team. Not in a consultative capacity, not in a team participation category. The narration within is not about leadership, it is all about taking intitiative, which most people tend to mistake for a leadership ability. A person with intitiative moves as you did in this essay, alone and with determination. A leader, knows how to take the initiative to inspire his co-workers and teammates for the shared success of the project. A leader does not take the spotlight alone. He knows how to assist his team so that they can shine both individually and as a group. None of which you showed in this essay because it focused on the "Me, me, me!" aspect of your participation in the project. The last paragraph defines who and what a leader should be. However, your essay does not support that definition. Remember, a leader does not require compliance, he requires cooperation and group effort of his team members. He does not do the work alone and then forces the team to do as he says. This was not an open team effort. This was a solo rogue movement you chose to undertake without consultancy, but requiring compliance from others.

Undergraduate / My Kind of "Normal" - Essay for Common App [2]

You have not written a proper response to the essay question. The common app question requires you to reflect on a period of personal growth in relation to yourself, your community, or any activity or experience that resulted in character development on your part. Therefore, this event is not a biography of what your life was like from the age of 1 and what your growth development was from that point on. What you have written is an incorrect response to the prompt. That is not to say that you cannot use this essay at all though. Due to the importance of the content, I strongly urge you to use this essay, without edits, based on the open topic prompt. That way you can discuss anything and the reviewer will be able to have a greater appreciation of how you came to be the person you are today.

Scholarship / Care. Compassion. Respect. Scholarship essay about values and beliefs I hold strongly to [3]


This is not indicated in the opening paragraph. So it changes the representation of your 3 core values and beliefs as the reviewer was beginning to understand it. While the first 2 paragraphs come in strong and related, the third one suddenly pulls the breaks on the discussion, causing the reader to lose track of the actual discussion and how these apply to your character as a person. It would be best if you remove the last paragraph and simply close the essay sooner rather than later. You do not need to meet the 300 word count, you just have to write at least 250 related words for the discussion.

Writing Feedback / People tend to work longer hours nowadays. Working long hours has a negative effect on themselves [3]


There is no reference to the health of the person in the original statement. It indicates "themselves", which is not the same "their health". This is an incorrect synonym usage. The more appropriate phrase or word to have used here would have been "personal lives" since this refers to the idea of harming "themselves".


There is a difference between an extent response and a simple response in this essay. While both refer to agree or disagree, the former uses the hint "to what extent" in refence to "completely agree". Where "to what extent" is not present, the response should simply be "I agree".


You can skip information sources in the task 2 essay because the task calls for only your personal opinion, regardless of whether the information is made up or accurate. The examiner is interested in the way that you analyze questions and deliver responses. He does not require a source for the information.


Good touch that can increase the scoring potential. Personal examples help show how well you understood the question and how you apply the same to your personal insight. Well done.

The conclusion only contains 29 words, this must have at least 40 words to be considered a proper reverse paraphrase. The original topic was not restated as required. Neither were the topic sentences rephrased for this section. Both of which are the basis of the score for this paragraph.

Letters / I'm at one of the crossroads of life; My motivation letter for GLOCAL masters programm [2]

The essay has a strong educational background. The writer shows ample academic foundation in relevant courses based on the undergraduate course completed. If educational background and the writer's observations of the home country were enough to win a student this scholarship. It would have been awarded already. However, there is a very evident lack of career path development for this applicant. That is where this student's application tends to lose its consideration points.

There is a need to depict the current career path of the applicant in relation to a future career goal. The references for a career path by the applicant are too vague and little informative for the reviewer. References to business observations, internship experience, and wishing to turn Uzbekistan into a globalized nation are all good. Being a motivator is a good idea as well but, these are not considered career paths that would relate to the applicants ability to function on a world stage upon completion of the studies.

GLOCAL does not focus on strong academics alone. The academics must be supported by a clear study purpose, leading towards and advanced career goal. One that is not clearly set out in this essay due to the theoretical nature of the experiences of the applicant.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay on Bullying [4]

it is difficult to assess the direct relationship of your essay to a given prompt. There are several topics this narration can apply to so I will not base my review on a specific topic. Rather, I will provide a general review of your work.

The narration is definitely dramatic and straight out of a Hollywood teen angst movie. The story is engaging but, for a reviewer who needs you to get to the gyst sooner rather than later, it takes too long to get to the point. Focus less on the build up and more on the result.

Sure, the essay is creative and engaging. It has the hallmarks of good and creative story, but the reviewer only allots a certain amount of time to read each applicants essay. Get to the point by the second paragraph or lose his interest. Trust me, you do not want to end up in the pending pile.

When you do get to the point, the essay delivers the essence of your personality. It works for the purpose you intend. However, I am uncertain about its prompt applicability as you did not indicate the topic you are responding to.

Graduate / Personal Statement for GKS-G 2022 Scholarship for Masters in Spanish Language and Literature [2]


Name the title, publication date, and volume number so that the reviewer can exercise the option to verify these claims. Explain what the topics were about and how these are relevant to your masters course. Remember, all your qualifiers need to relate more towards the masters course you are applying for as you have to prove your qualifications for the course. Since your experience is not related to Linguistics, you actually have weak credentials as a masters student for Spanish Language and Literature . A pitfall of changing career interests after having completed a primary course.


What is the academic motivation? What is the career goal? What specific field of languages? Why that line? How will it help you as a professional in India?

More importantly, since you are an Indian, studying Spanish online, with little exposure to the actual language, culture, and literature of the country, why are you opting to study these topics in a non-Spanish speaking county? What is the motivation to study Spanish in Korea? Just because the university offers the course does not make it the best place to study these topics there since it will be 3rd hand information gleaned only through research and lectures, lacking in immersion. Why Korea when you consider the lack of relationship of Korea to the course? What makes you certain Korea can do a better job in educating you than if you applied for and recieved a scholarship from Spain?

Scholarship / Cultural diversity - Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? [2]

The essay is good but one dimensional. It only focuses on what you be to be cultural diversity, but actually, is limited in terms of culturual diversity scope as it applies to the program. The reviewers will be looking for a multifaceted candidate who fits the bill of an "upcoming" leader in a global sense of the word and, in the way that you truly represent a multicultural aspect of your personality. It does not need to focus on English, STEM, or American culture alone, as your essay is focused on that aspect.

Rather, you have to consider how you can add to the program experience based on your own nationality, your relationship with other cultures in your country, and how you have developed your leadership skills in such a manner that, you will be considered a truly diverse person.

It is not all about academics and your desire to study abroad. It is not all about how you or your concept of cultural diversity makes you a good candidate. It is about how your personal cultural diversity , when added to a larger scheme will add to the global reach of the program once you are a participant in the scholarship.

Scholarship / Computers, robotics and technology - Motivation letter for Stipendium Hungaricum scholarship [2]

In the first paragraph, you clearly make mention of the provisions that the scholarship will provide as the main factor for your decision to apply for the scholarship. Scratch that reference. It weakens the more impressive and considerable reasons you first stated in relation to the coup that affected your country. Remove the Covid reference as well since schools are already reopening or have reopened internationally.


This is an over reaching statement. It appears that you do not have a solid idea of the career path you wish to pursue out of college so you are throwing all posibilies out there, hoping something will stick. I suggest removing this reference and bringing your desire to help the farming community up to this portion instead. I believe this line would directly relate to the IoT mention that you made. That gives the post study ambition more useful focus and indicates a desire to go back to your home country after completing your studies.

Undergraduate / What as a student at Boston University most excites you? [5]

The second short paragraph is really unnecessary to the presentation. The paragraph is not related to a specific reason for your excitement. It is only a general reference to the general courses offered by your chosen major and the academic atmosphere of the school. Both of which are generic and undeveloped references.


What vision? Normally, the clubs relate to the development of a future financial network or, the personal and social development of the student during the academic stay at BU.


Pick one and be definite about your reasons why you are interested in that group. Do not forget that generic responses will always be seen as "safe" responses that are given when the student has not really done enough research into the university, course offerings, and student community. That type of answer does not impress the reviewer.

Scholarship / GLOCAL - SCHOLARSHIP IN GLOBAL MARKETS AND DEVELOPMENT [2]

The essay is too busy. It is trying to over inform the reviewer, which will be a negative on the part of the applicant because the overall essay does not have any logical and chronological order to it. The simple and most basic elements are lost because of the biography type of presentation. The content must be better focused and concise. It must be guided by the prompt questions that were provided so that the proper merging of information can be achieved in this presentation. The applicant seems to have a mix of career plans, which are presented in several parts of the essay. So the merging of these interests, based on the academic background, and the academic prerequisites for both years in relation to a solid thesis presentation tends to be difficult to assess. The essay is in bad need of professional editing to help it get onto the right application track.

Graduate / Masters of Health Informatics U of Waterloo. [2]


Definitely a dramatic opening that sets up an exciting personal statement, only to be disappointed by the succeeding paragraphs. Rather than reading about the development of your interest in relation to the build up to your college education, you skipped a whole section of your educational background. Where is the pursuit of medical studies or training after that event? Why should I believe that this event is even real if you did not illustrate how you were enlightened and encouraged to pursue even something as simple as a Red Cross training certificate? The drama will only work if it becomes the basis of your training in a chronological manner. You cannot skip directly to college in this case.

Letters / Academic Recommendation Letter for Application of Master's in Financial Engineering [2]

The first question that will enter the reviewer's mind is, why is his immediate work supervisor not the recommendee? Whis is the same question that I am asking. Are you applying to a non thesis and non work experience masters corse? That would be the only explanation for such a weak recommendee being used for ther letter. I say it is weak because, as a masters student, the main requirement will be 2 years work experience from the time of your graduation. A clear reference as to your abilities as a self starter and impressive work ethic in relation to advanced learning needs now takes precedence over simple academic learning and experience. While this letter is good, I am not sure if it applies to the course requirement for applicant experience.

Graduate / Letter Of Motivation - Master in Technical Management [3]

A letter of motivation, unless otherwise specified, should be completed within 5 paragraphs. It will only become longer depending upon the institution required maximum word count and number of prompt questions you have to respond to. This letter of motivation is over extended and veers into the territory of an academic biography already. The reviewer is not in need of the applicant's biography, only the relevant motivations related to his or her study intentions.

The writer needs to compress the academic intention into the most recent reasons for study, the professional motivation into his insight into what he hopes his future career to be based on his professional background, and the reasons why he has chosen to study in the country, that university, and that masters course.

The masters course will need to prove to be relevant to his future professional needs, while being supported by his academic background. All within 5 paragraphs. This is a letter that should only focus on the motivations / reasons for higher academic study and therefore, should be presented as such.

Writing Feedback / An avid collector - UVA Quirks Supplemental Essay [2]

I believe that you do not understand what a quirk is. What it means and how it applies to this essay. Let me explain it to you. A quirk, by definition is a peculiarity of action, behavior, or personality; mannerism. This is something that some people may find strange about you, but seems perfectly normal to you.

Having an assortment of collections cannot be considered a quirk because there is nothing strange about your activity. It is not questionable, a source of wonder, or an action that may lead to a strange movement on your part. Therefore, your response to the essay does not apply.

Having a collection in your case is normal. None of your collection would be seen as out of the ordinary. Some of these are even souveniers. No, you have not responded corrctly to the prompt at all. No aspect of this response may be used in the next version of this writing.

Undergraduate / Design cultures - The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders [2]


Think about this for a second. Can you remember a time when you showed early leadership skills and talent through these methods? How would you say these 2 factors have helped you develop your leadership skills if at all? Why do you think these elements are important factors to find in an emerging leader?


This is a skill found in young leaders who are trying to blaze a trail in their business. Can you improve on this presentation by focusing on your leadership participation in these academic settings? That would be a reference to a community that you took a lead in developing. Never lose track of the focus, that is, an emerging community leader. So deliver true leadership potential discussions within your essay. These should connect to social, cultural, and diverse leadership roles for you.


Do not spread a wide net. Stick to the Ugrad program discussion first. Do not get ahead of yourself. Remove this whole reference.

Writing Feedback / Commencing of oversea students - Ielts writing task 1 line graph [2]


There must be a clear differentiation of the line graph images. There are 2 images presented for analysis and reporting. Therefore, the writer must indicate the number of images and what each image represents in the presentation. The clear separation of image content will help add clarity and focus to the summary presentation.


This is a repeated word used in the essay. Try to vary your word usage to help your LR score. When you use the same word twice in the essay, it shows a limited English vocabulary and will be scored accordingly.An equivalend reference would be start of studies, beginning of classes, among other alternative word usage.

Writing Feedback / Question about writing task 2 Ielts: Children play computer games [3]


The prompt restatement is not grammatically perfect, but, the interpretation of the writer did not fall far from the original. Good job. However, the writer neglected to provide the 2 thesis sentences which were to provide the basis for his opinion score for the first scoring aspect of the essay. By simply repeating the discussion points, rather than providing clear responses to the question, the writer fails to create a reference to his actual thoughts on the questions provided. The examiner loses the ability to score the English comprehension skills of the test-taker based on his response opinion statement.


Since this is your opinion, it is important that you use convincing words in your presentation. When you obviously doubt the basis of your defense, the examiner will have no choice but to score down your paragraph based on the lack of a clear opinion yet again. The paragraph will be seen as under developed in terms of explanation as you are not strongly defending your opinion with believable reasons.


While 2 possible solutions are presented, there is a lack of convicing explanation for both. Neither are completely developed as there are no references as to how effective these solutions are or can be. These suggestions only have a reasoning sentence in support of it, but no example of effectiveness. So both solutions are also under developed.


As this is a recap summary of the discussion, you have to be specific about the negative impact it creates. The summary conclusion must restate the topic, the writer responses, and offer a solid closing sentence in order to gain a high score.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1 bar chart about holiday accommodation [2]


You went directly to the trending statement without offering a proper summary overview. This will cost you percentage points in the task assessment section. You have not followed the required presentation format for the essay. Only the trending statement can be placed anywhere in the remaining paragraphs. The opening statement must always be the summary overview.

The reporting sections are well presented but not analyzed to a great extent. So the cohesiveness of the essay, in relation to analysis of the report is weak and will not get a very good score. The task 1 essay always gets a better final score when the writer takes the time to actually analyze and compare, rather than just report on the facts from the images. Next time, try to focus a little bit more on the comparison and analysis discussion aspect. You were too quick to end it in this report.

Letters / Growing at rural area - Motivational Letter for Erasmus Mundus STEPS [2]

You have summarized the motivation to the point of being uniformative. Yes, there is a maximum word count to the letter. Yes, it needs to be concise, but nobody said that you should skim over the important factors of the discussion such as:

- The relevance of your undergraduate program to the masters course
- Your professional experiences that have prepared you to undertake these intricate studies
- The relevance of these studies to your future plans for the electrification of your country's rural areas. What is the thesis you plan to research?

- Why you believe you should return to studies now and more importantly, why in Hungary? What electrification breakthroughs in the country have inspired your decision to study there? What benefit does the program serve you in terms of skills and theoretical development?

This current essay is, like I said, too simple in discussion and information presentation. The relevant information was totally skipped for some reason. You must learn how to compress the necessary information in related sentences in cohesive paragraphs. Otherwise, the reviewer will not learn anything about your motivation and its basis.

Scholarship / Reference letter from my manager in an educational group to Chevening high commission/UK embassy [2]

For starters, the refereree does not make it clear when he last had professional contact with you. He must indicate the most recent professional interaction with you in order to qualify his recommendation as being up to date. Since he does not indicate that, then the reference already becomes invalid. Regardless of the accolades that he provided.

The letter also does not provite solid evidence of his observation of your professional networking skills that were involved in a project that the two of you collaborated on. The reference to your networking and leadership skills as observed through verifiable projects and undertakings must be indicated.

Finally, I have to point out that the letter will not be acceptable as a recommendation as it does not offer any support for the claims that you are expected to have made in the written interview essays that are part of the application process. That, is only the start of the failures present in the letter that was developed. It definitely does not meet Chevening recommendation letter requirements.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2: Idea that students should be allowed to study with people who have the same capacity as them [2]


You are expected to restate the original discussion topic without adding any misleading statements or personal opinions that could alter the content presentation. This sentence is a personal opinion statement that is unsupported by the original topic indicators. Therefore, the paragraph will receive a percentage of point deductions for prompt topic alterations. This means the essay will start its base scoring considerations from a failing score aspect.


Another task percentage deduction since the author does not provide a clear personal opinion where required as indicated by the task accuracy requirements. The lack of the author's opinion, which represents a personal thesis statement was required in this paragraph presentation.

The first paragraph of the essay does not meet IELTS accuracy requirements and will not recieve a passing score. The rest of the essay also lacks discussion clarity. The public opinion is not represented accurately, making the reasoning paragraphs seem to come from a personal opinion standpoint.

The summary conclusion will also receive a failing mark because, rather than providing a discussion recap, the writer has chosen to discuss his opinion in this section. The lack of a proper concluding statement paragraph shows an incompletely developed essay and will result in an overall failing score.

In reference to the closing format, simply saying "In conclusion", but not actually providing the conclusion in the required format indicates the lack of a conclusion. It is not in the correct and expected format and therefore, cannot be scored based on a passing basis.

Undergraduate / Family talk - EXPLAIN HOW YOU RESPONDED TO A PROBLEM AND/OR AN UNFAMILIAR SITUATION. [2]

5670 characters. That is the number of characters that you wrote. What does this tell me? You did not even bother to read the writing requirements of the prompt. You are submitting this to an online system that will only accept a maximum of 1500 characters. What will happen if you try to submit this essay as is? Your application will not go through. If you are submitting to a system that is time sensitive, you will not even be able to edit this essay before the system locks you out. I am not in a position to properly review this essay due to the overwriting that is being presented to me. If you want me to review this properly, write no more than 1500 characters in response to the prompt first, then come back and ask me to review it. I cannot review an essay that does not meet the character requirement because I will not know how you may have wanted to edit the response. Edit your work then ask me what I think about it. Meet the writing requirements first.

Undergraduate / Friends and activities - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY? [3]

Well, this is certainly a very enlightening response to the prompt. Friends and friendship are common discussion response topics for this essay. So it would normally be a tiresome response for the reviewer to read over. However, your response allows the reviewer to gain an insight into who you were and who you are today. This helps him form an idea of who you may be in the future once you join their students community.

In the second paragraph, the presentation would be strengthened, in my opinion, if you remove the first 2 sentences. That way you call attention as to how your friends have helped you become a better person. The first 2 sentences, do not really deliver on the idea that you can continue to grow as a person and student as a member of your college community. Focus on the character building aspect of your friendship. That is the most important discussion in this response statement.

Letters / My willingness to learn new things - Motivation letter for Erasmus mundus scholarship [2]

You are addressing the wrong audience. The letter must be addressed to the consortiun, not the university reviewer. You are still applying for the scholarship. You have not received it yet. Reformat the letter to address the correct audience.

The essay does not address how your educational background addresses the foundational requirements of the courses you have chosen. Neither have you focused on a thesis research that can be addressed during both years of study. The letter does not explain your strengths as a scholarship applicant either. Academic accomplishments aside, what professional achievements of note do you offer that would make you a preferred candidate?

There is a failure to discuss how these courses of note will help you promote a modernization of your field of work once you return to your home couintry. What improvements do you hope to address in particular?

As a draft, this has some usable points, but mostly, it is taking a shot in the dark at the scholarship by not addressing the prompt requirements with specificity. Try to revise the essay to better address the written interview requirements in the form of a motivational letter.

Undergraduate / A plane ticket to Richmond - Umiami Supplemental Prompt [2]

Thankfully, you did not use the Covid-19 lockdown to discuss the topic. That is the tired and most common go to topic for most of the college applicants these days. Your essay, in my opinion, has become unique and impressive because it actually follows a backstory of having to constantly assimilate to new surroundings. This is a great reference to how you remain resilient in the face of life's challenges. However, there is no reference to how you overcome the academic challenges.

The essay requires you to discuss 2 aspects of how you remain resilient. Surely with every move that you made, you had to face certain academic challenges right? Be it catching up with lessons having moved in mid-term or, having to find a way to socialize with an educational community that may be very different from your own, as what may have happened in Brazil, the academic resilience is very important to this discussion. Try to provide a seperate reference paragraph to that. Don't just blend it in. Your blending almost made the academic adjusment almost non-existent. Which means you have skipped a full reference for discussion in your essay.

Writing Feedback / New company goods - Ielts writing for task2 [7]


You already told the reader that you will be discussing both sides when you said that there are advantages and disadvantages to the scenario. What the examiner will expect to read are the topics or the individual topics you will be discussing as an advantage and disadvantage. That is because of the task accuracy requirement that uses the topic sentences to show the examiner how well you understood the discussion instructions.

The presentation needs more work in terms of clarity and vocabulary usage. The writer tends to use incorrect word references, without first checking if the meaning of the word is correctly spelled or, used in the correct reference manner in terms of meaning. The student needs to build on his vocabulary skills with more English reading and a specific focus on English word meaning.


Seeing as how there was no need for a personal opinion in the advantage and disadvantage discussion, the writer has made a serious error that could fail his essay due to the personal opinion reference in the concluding statement. Without a proper summary conclusion, the essay will be considered open ended, one of the major reasons that an IELTS test often recieves a failing score.