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Posts by Afdhel
Name: Nousha
Joined: Sep 27, 2016
Last Post: Oct 28, 2016
Threads: 14
Posts: 19  
From: Indonesia
School: State Islamic University of Jakarta

Displayed posts: 33
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Afdhel   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Speak Up for Syrian People [4]

Everyone presenting in TedTalk aims for one thing. Joseph Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world. The better world for all of us. Not for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It is the sad story regarding who live far away from Europe. They are Syrian people.

Joseph asked the audience deeply and very touching about freedom dan conscience. He told the story when 15 children of Syria were killed by the regime in 2011. Whereas the children are not a soldier. They did not write.

Besides, when parents asked their children who were kidnapped by the regime to be returned, Syrian intelligence said they will make a new child for them.

Until now, many civilian were killed because they wanted to get their rights. So, everyone must speak up regarding humanity issue in Syria. Yes, everyone.
Afdhel   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The chart shows international tourism is the highest incomes [3]

Hallo Dioba, I will try to give you some suggests.

..., international tourism are increased gradually during 2005 (... international tourismwere increase )

In 2005, the income of meat products iswas 4 billion dollars

but it will decrease during 20 years ...
Afdhel   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary News from BBC: Aid reaches Madaya and other besieged towns [2]

For the first time in almost six months, humanitarian has been sent to four besieged region in Syria.

According to the international comitte of the Red Cross, the emergent aid, such as brought food, medical supplies and hygiene kits for 60,000, has been delivered by Seventy-one lorries reached Madaya and Zabadani, near Damascus, and Foah and Kefraya, in Idlib province.

As reported, the aid such as Seventy-one lorries reached region of Madaya and Zabadani, near Damascus, and Foah and Kefraya, in Idlib province, on Sunday.

In the midst of besieged, the aid can help children and many civilian who have been suffering since 6 months ago. Even less the UN suspended aid deliveries across Syria for 48 hours after a deadly attack to the convoy.
Afdhel   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Politics, Identity, and Togetherness: Elif Shafak (TED Summary) [2]

The human was created dissimilarly to appreciate, understand and help each other. The disparity of nationality should not make people despise each other. On account of the difference of nations is the power if they can be united.

It was the substance from the Elif Shafak in TED Talk in 2010. This Turkish novelist informed how her childhood experiences helped her to be able to write a fiction well. In the midst of loneliness of her childhood, the spirit of writing was honed.

He then studied at an international school in Madrid, where she was the only Turkish. In their class, there were students from various of nationalities. Unfortunately, the diversity did not always support the creation of a democratic and egalitarian class. Whenever there was something negative befall a nation or a religion, student who became representatives of the country immediately ridiculed, mocked and mocked continuously. She knew this, because when studying there, a military coup had happened in Turkey and a citizen nearly killed Pope by fire a gun.

And finally, Shafak told the story of the Dervishes building a circle outside the circle. They connect all humanity, regardless of identity politics. And she finished the presentation with an old Sufi poem: "Come, let us be friends for once; let us make life easy on us; let us be lovers and loved ones; the earth shall be left to no one."
Afdhel   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary Task BlackBerry's Rise and Fall in 10 Phones [4]

Hi Dioba, I want to give u suggests. I hope u can improve your english

The era of BlackBerry has ended

The behavior of the business it is chasing is evolving rapidly, (Redundancy. You must erase one of them namely behavior or the business or it)

Keep writing, good luck. Study deeply in grammar.. I hope you can do it.
Afdhel   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary - My Seven Species of robot - Dennis Hong [4]

Hi Abraham, I have some suggests.

It has effectively impact on students' ...

To run the/their business, they set 5 effective

No verb. This is absolutely principal because ...

Keep writing.
Afdhel   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Kashmir attack: India 'launches strikes against militants' (Summary of BBC News) [2]

The conflict between the Kashmiris and the Indian military has been a long conflict in South Asia. Base on the prediction, The war have been killing thousands of people since some decades. This conflict also created tension between Pakistan government and India.

Based on the BBC news on 29 September, the Indian Army has launched an operation to arrest militants-expected along the border with Pakistan in Kashmir. Invasion of India has been criticized by Pakistan.

Pakistan has confirmed that two of its soldiers had been killed in an exchange of fire along the Line of Control that divides the disputed region. Pakistan considers aggression of India along the border as a provocation. But India claims its operations only to hunt terrorists.

Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, criticized the Indian army's aggression. He admitted that the Pakistan military is able to prevent any evil design to undermine the sovereignty of Pakistan.

Source: bbc
Afdhel   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / OPEC agrees its first production cut since 2008 [3]

Hi, there. I will give you some suggestions.

... that member of this organization can not agree

... Saudi Arabia was still be rival in this sector.(without i)

if Iran won of argumentation ( if Iran won the argumentation)

Good Luck
Afdhel   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / In the modern era, English has a momentous role to hone communication ability of pupils [4]

IELTS Writing Task 2 Regarding Advantages and Disadvantages

In the modern era, the English has a momentaus role to hone communication ability of pupils. Some professionals claim that mastery of English encourage the student to enlarge knowledge. I firmly believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks regarding this case.

For instance, the blooming of English in science field has compelled students to assimilate with the matters using English text such as books, audio videos, and articles. Most experts assess the capability of language in line with creativity. This view based on due to the capability of language can stimulate the power of right brain. If students do not reach educational language from earlier grade, so they will left behind in literacy. Publication of science in advanced century often use English rather than the other languages.

However, there are merits why studying of British can be instituted in primary school. Firstly, students will be easier to comprehend textbooks using the English. For instance, the furtherance of technology provides many opportunities to acquire the English articles as well as softcopy of a book on the internet by free. Secondly, learning English since elementary school will create student be more confident to face the future.

Finally, the mastery of the English will generate students easier to interact with the others in the world to exchange and share ideas.

In conclusion, according to these arguments, it seems that there are strong benefits of learning English in primary school rather than secondary school. Globalization should produce school to yield foreign language class in the earliest level.
Afdhel   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Merits and demerits regarding learning of foreign language in a primary school [NEW]

The blooming of English in the modern era encourage educators to accelerate the introduction of English in the first level, in particular, in elementary school. Personally, I agree with this opinion. I will give my view with some opinions.

A research in developmental psychology shows growth of childhood involving the ability of language. Because one of intelligence is language. Learning a foreign language in earliest school brings the creativity of student increase steadily. Psychologists, such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Gustave Jung, even appoint the infancy generation as a golden age in human development. If children fail get intelligence input at the childhood stage. The situation will have effect in the future.

On other hands, there are some reasons why knowing foreign language is important to be instituted in the first educational level. Firstly, it can encourage the power of brain which hones the smartness. Secondly, learning the global language in elementary school create the classroom will be more fun. For instance, many students learn to identify a number of animal names with English. They also acquire to speak the title of many things in another language. This nuance produces the classroom to be not boring. Finally, certainly, the lesson of overseas language will bring them to face secondary school.

In conclusion, with these arguments, I firmly believe that any immense progress when all children study English in the earliest level and they will be more confident to reach the success. In the midst of global era schools have to provide foreign language class in the primary school.
Afdhel   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: The logging industry stocks the incomplete materials products [3]

The logging industry stocks the incomplete materials products. Unfortunately, the feeling of trees is not without the environmental damage.
Directly, The harm produces the territory loss, dirt, global warming, and climate change.

The logging impact enlarges beyond just the cutting down of a hole of trees. Food, water, and plants home, animals, and creatures throughout the environment are also lost.

Trees defend the ground under them, therefore the destruction of the tree will be influential toward the quality of the soil. For instance, the rain forest land, home to numerous of vegetation life and also insects, worms, reptiles, and amphibians, and small mammals leaning toward a thick canopy of boughs and foliages to keep it healthy and complete.

The canopy restrains run off by intercepting heavy rain so that water can drip down slowly and can be reserved by the earth. Tree roots also strengthen the soil and help to avoid erosion.
Afdhel   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rainforests are a vital natural supply with widespread biodiversity and inimitable. Logging danger. [5]

Hi naelendra, I want to give you some suggestions

The Effect from climate change also ...

Paper product is made from plant, ...

many activities form our earth

Actually, this sentence makes the reader become confuse

Another damages from logging is aquatic habitats

The Consequence of Logging spread out

Please, learn grammar deeply. Based on your essas, appartently you do not know many rules about grammar

Keep writing, Good luck
Afdhel   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The immense phenomena regarding migration of birds [2]

The Migration of birds has attracted attention for numbers of observers because it illustrates an immense journey. The trip also reflects the biological imperative for the animal to develop and unfold into the new nature which prepares the requirement necessary for descent.

The migratory bird pattern is traveling to higher latitudes as long as the warm season. They aim to produce the new generation. No specific places are known to move into the taller land of Southern Hemisphere. Yet, Seabirds carry out it to the Southern Hemisphere to breed.

In the midst of movement, numerous of birds glide for a certain time a day, around six to eight hours, in particular, moving distances of a couple of hundred miles. For instance, many birds habitually cross the Gulf of Mexico taking the time from 24 hours up to 36 hours, even more.

Recently, the number of experts have studied the spectacular phenomena to comprehend with regards to the feat. Most researchers have found that birds own navigational ability to find their destination.
Afdhel   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Taklimakan Desert is one of the famous wilderness in Asia [3]

Taklimakan Desert is one of the famous wilderness in Asia, located at Xinjiang, China. Having the level of broadness up to 337,600 kilometers, Taklimakan becomes the second largest desert in the world after the Sahara Desert in Africa. The majority of Taklimakan Desert's contour consists of sand dunes up to 250 meters high that are mostly consisted of plants.

Three Taklimakan plants namely Populus euphratica, Tamarix ramosissima, and Alhagi sparsifolia have a specific character because they are fertile in the desert. Besides, each plant possesses various of kinds self-mechanism to survive. For instance, Populus euphratica manages distillation process by opening and closing stomata on the foliage surface in reaction to a couple of moisture being lost pass through the leaves to the covering air.

Meanwhile, Tamarix ramosissima, the tiny cedar, popular as a salt tree, delivers the very huge volume of water through a remote root system many times the dimension of the plant above land. Tamarisk is able to dictate unconsciously when closing stomata to occupy evaporation and oversee photosynthesis.

Alhagi Sparifolia, a spiny thicket, grow up in the Taklimakan Desert although it utilizes great amounts of water. Differs from Tamarix ramosissima and Populus euphratica which overt and lock stomata depends on conditions on the foliage surface, Alhagi Sparifolia does so follow the hydraulic conductance.
Afdhel   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / It attained 200.000 spectators? History of Circus as The Amusement Show [2]

One of the oldest amusement show in the world is Circus. In the history, Circus was watched by a lot of inhabitants attaining 200.000 spectators. It had become the games with numerous of animals developing to be popular for centuries. Commonly, Circus was held in the midst of coliseums, arena and racetracks of long-standing world.

The first ancient nation relishing the circus is The ancient Romans. About sixth century B.C, the city of Rome founded the Circus Maximus as a venue for the national amusement. Besides, the Circus Maximus also arranged gladiator match and the exotic animal display such as elephants and tigers.

In the late 1700s, England grew to be the first state developing the advanced circus. Phillip Astley, an Englishman, established the earliest modern circus. He carried out his deed in the circle of the indoor arena and another of his breakthrough, within an indoor stadium. After his penetration became famous, he was requested by Louis XV to conduct such a show in France.
Afdhel   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Build Creativeness and Confidence [2]

Hi Aris, I want to give you advice

... speaker, David Kelly talks in regards to the way

this situation was not good due to the fact that it was going to be the ...

.., he made reference to Albert Bandura,a psychologist

Finally, the speaker believes that creativeness and certainty were so momentous in our life.

Good luck, Keep writing
Afdhel   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Admission policy of museums - charging entry fees does not create more benefits [3]

Hi zzzfly, I want to give you advice

Admission policy of museums always becomes the controversial issue

The enhancement of people not only promote a museum but also accelerate its influx .

Take my personal experience as an example (It is the speaking style, not the writing style)

You can improve like this: For instance, based on my experience

The reason of that operating and maintaining a ...

Actually, your sentence makes us being confuse. You just put a conjunction if there are two verbs.

Good luck, keep writing
Afdhel   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Paraphrising Writing: Uses of Leisure Time [2]

In the midst of activities, human needs to rest to empower the body. Health experts believe that the best path to rewire the body and brain is to spend your time by doing an activity in nature. Spending time in the wilderness can keep the stability of mind and soul.

The present research illustrates that intellectual purpose weakens as a consequence of the energy discharge. Tests show that workers having time spent in the city producing a reductional ability to concentrate and to handle passion and heart. On the contrary, a depleting moment in the country creates the opposite effects.

Unfortunately, many workers choose to get more centered in the metropolitan existence. Based on the situation, people should rejuvenate themselves in nature deliberately rather than keep forcing their stir in the town. Recesses are the best manner of leisure time. The states with the most holidays time are Italy with an approximate of forty-two days a year, and France with thirty-seven. Meanwhile, the hard-working Americans have the least around 13 days.
Afdhel   
Oct 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Wild Animals Are Hacking Life in the City [4]

Hi there, I want to give advice

There are several example of this. (There are several examples of this.

A few decades ago

examples can show abouttheir ability to evolve as they adapt to..

That These three aforementioned examples can ...

Unfortunately, urbanization is not suitable as well as animals behave

Good luck, keep writing
Afdhel   
Oct 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Public Transportation and The Fundamental Part of Modern City [2]

The fundamental part of every modern city is public transportation. Many great towns in the world complete the network by establishing the underground rail system as their integrated-unity. The fact shows that there are three of the largest and busiest underground train system in the Europe. They are located in London, Paris, and Moscow.

The earliest subway was built in London. At that time, the city government stated the regulation that no railroads could go in the city except underground. The industry of this tunnel was made by engineer Marc Brunnel for the pedestrian way. Afterward, the project developed to be the railway system.

Paris instituted designing an underground train service to compete London's. The earliest zone of the system was not opened until in 1990. Meanwhile, Russia opened The Moscow Metro in 1935. It refers to the architecture of London Tube. When Stalin claimed the power, he utilized the stations as showcase of Russian art, culture, and technology. The stations consist of statuary, painting, and mosaics.
Afdhel   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Understanding the culture of a country without knowing it's language: Language and Culture essay [3]

Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language.
Do you agree with this opinion?


Since human was created by God, language is a tool to communicate and understand a culture where the human can do contact to other people and learn with regard to custom. Some people view that someone should accept the cultural disparity while others believe that it is so notable to know the language of the tradition to catch on the message. In my point of view, it is true that language has significance place to play role in understanding a tradition, but it is not one and only factor.

There are merits for the people who are able to grasp a language of the civilization. They can easy to interact in one of the native people and build the solidarity among each other. This is due to the fact that linguistic understanding of an individual is more acceptable for certain inhabitant when the person wants to build the solidarity.

However, there is another factor that an individual is able to understand the culture. One of them is to learn in the neighborhood of cultural norm or traditions. For instance, we are able to how the native people respects the foreigner, how they greet the other people and so on. As a result, we can know how we interact with them even though we get the lack of language.

To conclude, there is no doubt that language has an important role to catch on the culture, but any another point which help us to study the culture. However, it is better if we own both of factors to understand the culture deeply.
Afdhel   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / This essay will examine the reasons why criminal wrongdoing increases annually [3]

Hai lincoln, I want to give some advice

the criminals but also promise to increaseing

Secondly, to havethe better education system.

It aims to equip scholars with the ability

to create the curriculum which educates

their effects such as creatingthe new policy

Keep writing
Afdhel   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / This essay will examine the explanation why the crime rate is enhancing and suggest some ways out. [2]

Each year, the crime rate increases.
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?


Enhancement of crime has been attracted many parties in the world either the ruler or academician. This essay will examine the explanation why the crime rate is enhancing and suggest some ways out.

Firstly, economical factor. As we see today, the condition of Indonesia whose economic slump caused much affliction for the people. For instance, in recent decades, the number of unemployment is happening everywhere, due to lack of skills or education of a person or due to very limited job opportunities. Because of these reasons, many people taking shortcuts to get money for basic needs.

Secondly, socio-cultural factor. The number of disputes and killings as a result of the conflict within the community. In the social point of view, it can be seen from the jealousy because of the social status that makes a person having the low social status ready to take a serious risk by purloining car or jewelry or the looting of the shops which is owned by the rich man.

Thirdly, political factor. Crimes are also not free from political interference by the state. For example, the case of Munir assassination who died on a plane on a flight to Amsterdam, Netherlands in 2004. Munir was one of human rights activist concerning to criticize the government, in particular, human right issues. The Munir murder has relevance with the intelligence works as mentioned by the judge in the court.

Hence, there are several measures to address these problems. Firstly, the police role. The role of the police in combating crime that should be increased via efforts of protection to maintain security. For example, today, the police should conduct raids or checks on dangerous items such as weapons and firearms in the place of criminal potency. Secondly, the role of the state. In the fight against crime or address crime, each measure not only comes from the efforts of the police alone, but also the government should involve in maintaining security in the society.

Thirdly, the role of religious leaders. For example, in recent decades, the religious leaders have a significant role to keep the peace of the world and to reduce the rate of crime. The religious leader's efforts to solve the problem of crime in Indonesia can be realized by providing education to the whole society through religious lectures.

To conclude, I strongly believe although crime has increased, but there are measures to address this issue by involving a number of components. I hope the government, academician, or individual can concern the number of steps as mentioned above.
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