Letters / The letter to express my dissatisfaction with my roommate. [3]

I can not sleep...

CORRECTED: I cannot sleep. Also, to address this concern you need to add how this lack of sleep has ramifications.It makes you too tired tie study. You might fall asleep in class

radio very loudly at night...

CORRECTED: radio very loud at night...

Could this affect your hearing? What about your mental health?

I think its obvious that your roommate is inconsiderate, but by talking to her as you suggest maybe you will get s change in behavior.

Are you asking for another room if no change occurs?

Basically, a good letter, with good suggestions, and to the point. Just a few pointers on how you can clarify what you are saying.

ef_carol

Grammar, Usage / My parents are almost alike [7]

If you're going to do a one paragraph essay, then you need a clearer conclusion.

...share alto of similarities...

How do they look alike? Noses, eyes, mouths? What else is similar, between the men and women in your family? Do they have the same smile?

Do they laugh alike?

...or entirely different?

Maybe you could expand, by naming something different. Have an intro, then a paragraph each one for the same, one for different.

Your essay is okay as far as vocabulary and grammar, but you need to instill order! Use the four or five paragraph structure. This will help you make your point, and make for stronger writing.

Good start!

Ofef_carol

Writing Feedback / Students learn just because of good marks. [3]

Your essay is only one paragraph. It should have an intro, and two or three body paragraphs which each have a reason. Then a conclusion, to summarize the main points with a final thought.

...just because of good marks is toxic.

This is your thesis sentence. You should start the next paragraph soon after that wwith a focus on one idea of what's better than grades for motivation. You need to emphasize that grades are the students responsibility, not their peers, or parents, or teachers.

This can lead to laziness...

This is a good paragraph topic. Show the down side of going for grades.
I think you could say more; enough to convince the reader that that is toxic.

You should write an outline, for your essay. You have a good start with the basic idea, but you lack clear organization, and purpose. With some effort, this could really shape up! Just start by dividing up what you already have, into four to five paragraphs.

Good luck!

ef _carol

Writing Feedback / A student must like a teacher in order to learn from the teacher. [5]

First of all your structure needs correcting! To begin with, include your reasons in the intro. Its too short! You need to introduce the key ideas right from the beginning.

the reasons elaborated below...

Should read: ...and these are...

Then Then include your two or three reasons within the same paragraph.
This is the proper order.

Next, you need to break up the main body into several paragraphs. Decide on the important points and devote one paragraph to each.

Another point worth considering...

This is a separate paragraph unto its own, making a stronger structure.

Lastly, you need to elaborate your conclusion. Its way too brief. Go over the main points you made in the body, and list them. Then make the summation point!

Good start! Just a few corrections. Your vocabulary and grammar are good.

ef _carol

Writing Feedback / When choosing a career, financial gain should be the most important consideration. [6]

You wrote a wonderful essay, about work and the values involved in it.

...I believe to be happy...

You repeat this sentiment over and over again. This is a good way to make a point. By the end of the essay you have said it enough tie prove, your argument. The organization is good, but you should give one paragraph, to the benefits of making money. So you add strength, with the use of pro and con. This would give you the more standard 5 paragraph essay.

In conclusion, money isn't everything...

You should take that idea and say that money cant give you happiness, but how it can help. Then, next paragraph, conclude with its not the most important thing.

Good job with vocabulary and grammar. Just a few changes, to a polished essay, with another paragraph on why money is good motivation, for working.

ef _carol

Writing Feedback / What other rewards for good work, apart from salary, are effective in encouraging further good work? [2]

Your essay is organized well, with an intro, two examples, then a conclusion. I think you should add another example of rewards at work, in a paragraph. Perhaps you could say you are rewarded for green practices, with praise and company acknowledgement.

Also, your conclusion is one run- on sentence.

So based on these experiences...

Break it up into two or three sentences, and you'll have a genuine conclusion.

First of all...

Your first example starts with Aron on sentence too. It also needs to be divided into two or more sentences,

If you break up your run-ons, and check your verb constructions, you'll have a strong essay. You also should use a dictionary to correct word choices,

Good job!

ef _carol

Writing Feedback / Essay University of Les Roches Hotel management School, Characteristics of an efficient Manager. [3]

You ended your essay with a quote in lieu of a paragraph, and you have only two paragraphs in the body. These are two problems which need to be cleared up.

ensuring the demand of success...

You need to clarify your second body paragraph. What are you saying?

You seem to mean that the manager has to materialize his promises to his public.

"Before you are a leader...

You can't end with that quote. You need to reiterate the major points of the intro, and then draw that conclusion. It needs to come fro somewhere.

Other than that, very eloquent, and well thought out.

ef_ carol

Writing Feedback / Not every child needs to learn about music, art and drama - these are sheer hobbies, not subjects [4]

there are three main reasons to. Support this paradigm

You need to outline these specifically, in the intro paragraph. You shouldhave a thesis sentence that lists these reasons.

these are sheer hobbies...

You should restate and paraphrase your intro. The hobby idea is just one. You need to flush out the conclusion with all three reasons, again.

Well written and organized, otherwise, I'd give you a 4 for structure and vocabulary, and not a 5 because you need to rebuild, your opening and closing. If you do this, you could get a 5!

ef _carol

Writing Feedback / Two totally different opinions about how we can prepare our kids to be good community members [7]

I think your essay is very strong, right up to the end, where you waffle on the conclusion. I believe taking a position is stronger writing.

I think that no one of the two is completely wrong...

I admire your desire to make peace with the two sides, but I encourage you to take a position. This would make more sense, as you were asked for your opinion. This might make for a higher score.

cooperation

You propose a compromise inthe set up of the paper. But that's not the question. Who is doing a better job? You need to answer the question.

Other than that your structure is good, as is your grammar and vocabulary.

Good job!

ef _carol

Writing Feedback / Some people consider their pets as part of their families and treat them like their own babies [4]

I think your format of intro, then two pro, then one con, and then conclusion, is very good. Your writing is thoughtful, and well done.

Just a couple of suggestions.

...because of those charming and playful nature.

CORRECTED: because of their charm and playful nature.

You need to keep the subject and predicate separate and identifiable. The pets are charming, its their nature which is playful!

As long as it is not extreme...

What do you mean by that? Give some examples of extreme behavior. Do you mean kissing your pet? Do you mean dressing them up, for Halloween? Give some examples to justify your opinion; expand on your concluding thought.

In general well written. Just give some attention to vocabulary, and grammar, and you'll have a well polished essay.

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / There is no doubt that most of the people consider health as a major part of their life [6]

Deferent aspect of health, such as physical and psycologicall, have a important role in human life. In this essay I will delv into about health.

Different aspects of health, such as physical and psychological, have an important role in human life. In this essay I will delve into the subject of health.

You need to use your spellcheck on the computer, and/or a dictionary. You will make a better impression, to the teacher, or any reader if you spell, correctly. Also you need to hone your sentence structure. Your use of verbs could be improved by consulting a grammar textbook.

Some scientistes demonstrate that number of children have suffering from obesity.

Some scientists have demonstrated, that great numbers of children, suffer from obesity.

Again, your use of verbs needs clarification. I think you could look up rules of use, if you don't have a textbook, online.

In general your structure is sound, with one paragraph for intro, and one for conclusion, and the three to explain major health problems.

I wonder if your conclusion would be better if you left out the part about insurance people. How does that relate? Do you mean health insurance? Yes that is helpful, if that's what you mean. Perhaps you could tie it into the government, by mentioning the Affordable Care Act.

Just needs a little attention, mostly spelling and verb usage. Otherwise, a fine essay with real potential. You seem to have a point to make, and you made it. Some of your paragraphs are a little short. Elaborate the points, then.

Good luck!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Ghoulish House Description [4]

an abandoned ghost town...

CORRECTED: an abandoned ghost house...

Youre saying that its the end of your vista, what you saw. Your eyes come to rest on the property!

wind howls around the body...

CORRECTED: wind howls around the building...

You have to make a distinction between you and the house. That's the tension! To keep this mood you keep the mentions of your person and the house separate. You are not a ghost, but are there in person, and describing it to the reader. Remember, you came through the gate?

A very vivid narration. Gives you chills! I think you did a great job!

Perhaps you could describe more of the interior and less of the exterior, to make it more spooky, and answer the assignment of it being about the house itself. Maybe you could mention what kind of people used to live there, or what kind of ghosts would be there.

Good luck!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Learning how to be a good member in society through the (obligatory?) community service program [4]

I would argue...

I think you use use this expression too often! You should stick to using it just for the side you agree with. Since your intro states you are against it, you should lead into the other side by saying, "some people might say..."

it should not be a compulsory subject

I think you overstate this opinion, and should only use it sparingly. Overuse of an idea belittles it, and you should focus on just stating it clearly. However, you did two paragraphs on pro and one on con. Perhaps the pro could be fused into one paragraph. You seem to be again, unsure of yourself.

Don't be. You have alto to say, and your writing is fairly good.
Just some pointers, to brush it up!

Good job. I think this is an excellent start!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / As a form of transportations, cycling has its merits and demerits, however it improves our health. [3]

As a form of transportation, cycling has both advantages, and disadvantages.

You need to identify the noun / subject as singular or plural. Also, set up the essay as comparison/contrast you give it more structure.
You need to start a new paragraph, with the contrasts. This sets them off and sets apart the intro.

Next, you need to add a conclusion. Draw out the point that both sides make sense, but its good for you health.

Short but well written essay. Pay attention to the word choices. Use a dictionary and a thesaurus. Make the structural changes about paragraphs. Add a conclusion paragraph.

ef_carol

Essays / What is the difference between skills and knowledge? [5]

If you have a resume, get it out to consult with. Then, starting with5he most recent, list a description, of you job responsibilities, and functions.

Don't forget people skills,and volunteer work, within the job. Write about the emailing, the social networking online and off. If you do it on the job, list it!

The most important is usually computer skills, and those can be described in detail. Remember to include the latest version of the tech knowledge, you are using. People want to know how advanced you are.

Good luck!

ef_ carol

Writing Feedback / Young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year. Agree or Disagree? [3]

Therefore, I personally believe that this approach would give significant impacts for students.

Your intro needs a stronger thesis statement, or last sentence. What is your opinion? Put it there

It is imperative that young people should decide how they want to spend a gap year prior to studying at the University.

Your assuming that everyone considers a gap year, prior to college. Not true. You need to conclude with a relevant comment, drawn from the text. If you want reader respect, and a strong conclusion, you must draw one, in your own mind.

Perhaps reread the whole thing, and weigh the pros and cons. If you decide the answer, then your reader will too! Pick one of the ideas presented in the intro.

Otherwise, a good effort, and well written.

ef. _ carol

Writing Feedback / Three points why people these days are living longer. [4]

Millions. patiencewere saved from nearly certain death.

CORRECTED: Millions of patients were saved from certain death.

Use of the correct word is extremely important. Patience is a virtue, but not what you were trying to say. Use a dictionary and a thesaurus as you write.

I think there are reasonable answers to this problem:

CORRECTED: I think there are reasonable answers to this problem. These include: (then list your major points, in a list with commas, as part of your intro.)

Your ideas are good but you need to bemire concise. You tend to ramble, and have many run on sentences. Eliminate these and allow the reader to breathe. Use of shorter sentences will allow the reader to concentrate. Otherwise they are driven in too many directions with too many ideas, bunched together.

Your essay, is upbeat, and that's good. You bring in the right amount of facts to prove your point about increased longevity today. With just some minor editing, your essay wouldbe polished.

ef. _carol

Writing Feedback / Task 2: Living in rural area became choice of most people [3]

I think your essay is very thoughtful, and well written. Just a couple of comments, however.

People do not even know their neighbors becauus citities are lack a sense of community.

CORRECTED: People don't know their neighbors because cities lack community.

You need to focus on the ideas you want to communicate, and really choose your words. If necessary, condense, as I've done here.

In addition, people become more creative to create new innovation in rural areas.

CORRECTED: In addition, people create more innovations, in rural areas.

You are a little too wordy, and need to subject your writing to more review, before finalizing it. Try not to define a word, with a word. Use commas to add pauses, which allow the reader to breathe.

I think your essay is well structured and allows the reader to form his own opinion. You present both sides of the argument, thoroughly.

Perhaps, however, it might be best if you came to one conclusion, and stuck to it. That could make your writing stronger! If you have an opinion, people may respect you more and take your writing a little more seriously.

In general, good job, though!

efOfcarol

Grammar, Usage / Heartbroken and in a state of deep shock [6]

Lets take it one idea at a time.

heartbroken

This can mean anything from breaking up with a long beloved spouse, to losing a job on which a whole family depends. Its not really clear from the info you gave, just what caused the heartbreak. It does, however, imply that some loss probably did occur.

and in a deep state of shock.

This right away gives you the feeling, without knowing the specifics, that this loss was profound, and irreversible. This could be finding out that someone has cancer, to actually losing them. Deep means serious, in this case.

Hope that helps. More information would be useful, in evaluating the meaning of these words.

ef _ carol

Writing Feedback / Write a paragraph of 140 words about the sport you like most [3]

I think your short essay, is well written, for a first attempt. Just a couple of suggestions:

It is the fact that playing soccer is a way of exercising and relaxing efficiently.

CORRECTED: It is a fact, that playing soccer is both exercise and relaxation.

You need to condense your ideas when possible, to prevent wordiness. Try using more commas and a thesaurus. This allows the reader to breathe, and keeps him interested.

To sum up, soccer is the most interesting sport I extremely love.

CORRECTED: In conclusion, soccer is my favorite sport because it's interesting, and I love it.

You have to conclude your essay formally, so use the actual words! Also, again, combining ideas presents the reader with a more focused idea of what you're saying.

Good first effort! Commendable clear expression of you ideas. I think with some work, you can finely hone this piece of written ideas

ef _carol

Writing Feedback / Universities concept about gender equality among their students. [4]

Therefore Universities are unable to set the gender equality in every subject, even it creates lots of advancement in study in many subjects.

So, Universities are unable to set gender equality in every subject, even though it would create advancement in the study of many subjects.

I think you need to shorten some of your sentences. Run on sentences are difficult to read and understand. Also, your word choice needs improvement. Try to work with a dictionary and thesaurus, as you write. It is usually better to hand pick less words that are perfect than to crowd the field with a lot of verbiage.

This balance quantity also creates the study competition among students in subjects, females will study hard to compete with males in any subjects to prove their abilities and adaptation.

This balance also creates study competition among students per subject. Females will study hard to compete with males, to prove themselves.

You can leave out unnecessary words. This helps the reader to breathe, and allows the writing more focus.

In general, your essay is well written, and concise. I think you express your opinion well, but need to clear up your grammar and punctuation.

Try to elaborate it a little. I think you have something important to say, and it would be nice to see another paragraph or two, to do that.

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Before an exam, do you think it is better to prepare for a long time or only for a few days? [3]

Finally, a long preparation would help us increase our knowledge, which is one of the most important goal in studying.

CORRECTED: Finally, a long prep would help to increase knowledge, an important goal.

You need to simplify your sentences, by removing uneccessary words. Match the verbs and nouns whether singular, or plural.

For these reasons above, I strongly believe that we should prepare for a long time before an exam.

CORRECTED: For these reasons, we should prepare a long time for an exam.

Shorten your sentences, and eliminate the superfluous. I think you should switch the intro to the last two paragraphs. The last e should say finally, because its the concluding one.

Overall, a good essay but needs polishing. You need to address lengthy sentences and repetitiveness.

e f _ carol

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Animal testing becomes public debate [2]

Therefore, I strongly believe that both arguments have different perspectives in terms of animal testing.

You don't really give your opinion, right from the beginning. I think you should have the last sentence of your introduction as a clear, concise opinion, on one side or the other. If you can't decide one way or the other, I think you should not just mention diversity, as that's weak. You should end your intro by saying, there are meritorious points on both sides of the argument.

Regardless of this reason, the use of animal for experimentation cannot be justified by suffering caused as there are some alternative ways that can be used to invent a new drug in medical discoveries.

[/CORRECTED: Regardless, the use of animals for experiments cannot be justified. The suffering it causes can be alleviated by using alternative ways. font]

[/Your sentence is way too long, and the ideas need to be clarified and condense for better readability. I broke the sentence into two shorter ones, and added word choices, which serve to simplify the read.

I think you should say, in your intro that you find either choice too black and white, and that a solution can only be reached by compromise. It seems you find it acceptable to use animals to solve major scale epidemics, but think philosophically that plants might make just as good a contribution, with equally good results. I think that's an interesting point, not many people know about.

In general, you writing is strong, and clear in presenting both sides. Your grammar and punctuation need some attention, in the ways, I mentioned; but in the end you need to make your own opinion a little clearer, right from the beginning.

Good job!

ef_carolfont]

Writing Feedback / The responsibility of sharing wealth in rich countries [2]

The first reason justifying for my standpoint is the huge benefit offerd to recipient countries.

CORRECTED: The first reason justifying my standpoint is the huge benefit offered to recipient countries.

Your spelling in this essay needs to be gone through more thoroughly. Next, you need to eliminate unnecessary words.

The bond amongst countries will be strengthened, people are more unified and the human community becomes healthy.

CORRECTED: The bond amongst countries will be stronger, and people will be more unified and healthy.

Again you need to you condense your thoughts to give a better, more focused impression.

The essay makes the point, but is too round about in getting there. You need to find the major points, and concentrate on them. If you add some commas, I think you will help the reader to breathe.

Good job, for a first write!

ef _ carol

Student Talk / How do you answer questions from a job interview. [10]

I can relate to this question, as my husband is looking for a better job! I advise to to be yourself, but to be the best you you are. For example, the interview scene is a formal one, and this implies "your Sunday best". Since you'd probably have to get dressed up, remember your manners, and avoid slang. However, to speak too eruditely may give a phone impression, and you want to avoid that. The employer wants to get to know the real you.

So, just be your polite best, and use formal, but normal language.

Good luck!

ef _ carol

Undergraduate / 'My friend forever' - give some words about someone you know well [2]

I think your essay is basically well written, but you need to pay more attention to word choice.

I know since I know about 15th year.

Corrected: I have known him about fifteen years.

You are trying to say that you have known him, but you repeated the verb.

You need to check you verb conjugations to make sure they match the subject of the sentence, and the tense. Did it happen in the past? Then the whole sentence has to be in the past.

He is a very good singer he had been performed in many places.
You need to be more specific about where he performed, did he get paid, didthe audience like him,etc.

Corrected: He is a very good singer and has performed in many places.

Again, the verb tense needs to be consistent and match the other one in the sentence. Also, you were repetitive and that is uneccessary.

I think you wrote a nice tribute to frinship, and gave enoughdetails about your friend.

Good job!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / What influence people's personality more - born-characteristics or their experience? [3]

However, I personally argue that people who have any experiences are more influenced for people's personality because people can achieve some information by surrounding they live in.

This sentence could be corrected by the following: However, I argue that people's experience are more influential on their personality because they can receive information by the surrounding they live in.

If you look at the corrected sentence you will see that I shortened it to elicit a clearer meaning. This allows the reader to breath, and to follow what you are saying. To say you personally argue is redundant. Any argument you make would be personal, from you. Do you know what I mean. That is the meaning of the word personal. And what you are trying to say is that the experiences influence the personality, not the reverse. I think that needed clearing up.

You might even want to rewrite this further by saying "the surrounding in which they live", thereby not ending the sentence with a preposition, which is more proper English! To sum up, it seems to me that even though people's first characteristics have affect for people's personality, people's experience is becoming the major affect which develop people's personality and development. It is imperative that people should know what experience that can improve their personality

I think your conclusion is weak, because it needs the following edits: To sum up, it seems that even though people's first characteristics affect their personality, their experience becomes the major affect which develops this.

Your concluding sentence is repetitive in it's use of words. Try to avoid wordiness, because this makes for a slower read. Also, use of the correct verb form is very important. This also lends strength to your argument.

In general I think you did a good job, of making your point, but the writing weaknesses I addressed need to be looked at.

ef_carol

Undergraduate / "the world gets a lot bigger when you're living small" - Peace Corps Essay [2]

I think you did a good job summing up your experience that would make you good candidate. Your work with birds shows you are sensitive and empathetic. Plus you are working with people, which the Peacecore does!

I believe your tone of sincerity will help you bring in a positive result. I don't think you can be too sensitive.

Also, your organization and grammar are good, as is your punctuation.

In addition you mentioned two qualities which would come in handy with the Core: courageousness, and adaptable, both of which would be great
for possibly serving overseas with them.

I think this is a fine start, good job!

Undergraduate / Is cheating wrong? Quotes of Sophocles and Susannah Centlivre [2]

Therefore, is cheating acceptable as just a normal way of life or is it plain out wrong and never justified? What is the reason for this?

You need to break up this sentence into two parts. One because it's too long, and the reader needs to breath, and two, because it's two ideas.

With this as their mindset, they now see cheating as the easy way out inmost situations in which they find themselves.

You need to make sure you use of articles is correct, and try not to end a sentence with a preposition

Whenever he or sheoneaccomplish accomplishes something on their own without cheating, it makes them feel proud and satisfied in a job well done.

You need to have your subject match your predicate. In this case you mean anyone accomplishes.

I think you really made the point that cheating is not a victimless crime. Also you present both sides of whether it's right or wrong. I think you seem to have a firm opinion, and that it comes through clearly.

This is a fine essay, with necessary corrections in article use, verb matching and tense, and keeping a balance to the use of opinion, versus fact.

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Number of private cars increased and its effects [6]

Nowadays,as the number of private cars has increased, so has the pollution in many cities.

The first question that comes up, in my mind, is whyhow do people get private cars so easily?

I think it's better to reduce their subsidy, and use it to other critical sectors, like to equalize equalizing the development and educational level of each province.

I think your essay has merit, and could be excellent with some attention to certain improvement. First of all, you need to pay attention to punctuation. Many sentences can be improved with clauses sectioned off by commas. Also, you need to make sure you are using the correct form of a verb, when you use it.

I believe the intro sentence is stronger, by implying a cause/reaction, which is really the argument you propose throughout the essay: that unrestrained private use of cars will lead to too much pollution.

I think your essay makes a good point, at concluding with peoples' attitudes and the government, in need of change.

It's got basic potential, but needs to fix the use of correct articles with their nouns. This is important for a well-polished effect.

All in all, good job!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / SAT Practice Essay (College Board Blue Book Practice Test 1) [2]

I think your first written essay is very good, to excellent! However, I would recommend giving more than one example, to back up your opinion. The example you give is very detailed, very passionate, and very insightful, but I would say that your essay would benefit from another paragraph. Perhaps you could even give an example of a time when listening to authority could save our lives: for example, in 911, the firefighters and policeman saved a lot of lives. Had the people not listened to these authorities, they may not have survived.

Your writing is varied, and allows the reader to stay interested, in terms of sentence variety. Your grammar and punctuation are good, too.

I recommend that you pay more attention to what article you use, and realize that sometimes you don't need one! Also, you need to break up sentences with commas, to allow proper pacing in the reader's breathing.

Avoid using the same word choice, for two sentences in a row. Try using a thesaurus, or dictionary, for that.

All in all, though, job well done!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Is It Better to Change Job Than to Do The Same Job? [4]

Dear Stacy,

I think you presented both sides of the argument well, and then gave your opinion nicely. You need to watch out for run-on sentences. Cut them into two shorter sentences, each with a subject and verb. Also you need to watch your selection of articles. Sometimes the article is unnecessary, too!

When deciding whether to change jobs, what else do you think, people think of? Perhaps you could come up with one more paragraph with another idea in favor of changing: for example moving to a new city or state teaches you about the world of a different culture. This can help you to mature, and that can only help you, on the job. Maybe you can think of another idea?

I think you really focused on the topic of boredom, very well. You contrasted that with stress. Is this perhaps too cut-and-dry? Maybe you should present a little more balance by saying that there is no consequence to being bored, but that you personally feel uncomfortable, and like to be challenged.

I broke up some of your sentences, with more punctuation, and a lot of commas. You need to give the reader a chance to breath, or pause, while reading.

I think you answered the question, and with a little work, the essay will be fine.

Good job!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / The plastic from bottles is used for further manufacture of carpets and clothing [2]

The picture shows information regarding to the process of recycling plastic bottles. In general, recycling plastic bottles needs 2 steps, that begins at the recycling center and continues at the reclaimer.

To begin with, bottle plastic must be collected to the recycling centre in order to be separated from other types of containers like glass and metal. Afterwards, the plastic bottles should be sorted by their color to exemplify their differences: the plastic bottles which have red color must be separated with other colors. The last step in the recycling process is a pressing step. Those bottles have to be pressed into bales; it is approximately 7,000 bottles per bale.

Turning to the reclaimer process, it has 5 steps. After the bottles become the bales, they should be broken by a bale chrusher in order to become plastic. Following this, the plastic is shredded into flakes that they need to be washed, rinsed and dried. As a result, the flakes are melted and put through an extruder. Finally, the flakes are formed into pellets for selling to the manufacturers. These are used to make fibers for carpets and clothing. They can also be used to make non-food containers, and other products.

Your essay is basically well-written! You need to shorten your sentences, which I did and watch your use of articles. Also needing attention is verb-conjugation.

Your use of transition phrases is good, and helps to bring a smoothness to the writing. You adequately explain in step by step fashion, the whole process, and you use language which is clear, and easy to understand. You might pick up a thesaurus, and try to find words that are similar, but have the same meaning; for example "pressing". This is used twice, and perhaps could be varied. Then the word "flakes" is used twice, which could also be looked up, and possibly replaces with a simile.

I think you used logic and narration very well, and did a good job, to start. Just some attention need to vocabulary and punctuation. Some of the longer sentences needed to be broken down with commas, and semi-colons.

Good job!

ef_carol

Undergraduate / My future goals - what to do in the future is a decision for the rest of our life [6]

Hello, my name is Federica, I'm from Argentina, and I'll take the toefl exam in the next months.This is my first essay, I would appreciate any comments or corrections.

Thanks!

Instructions: What are your goals for the future? Write your reasons, examples and details.

Deciding what to do in the future, is sometimes a difficult thing to do.. That is, considering that is probably what you are going to be doing for the rest of your life. I think people need to take time to think deeply about what are their goals for the future. When I finished college, which was three months ago, I felt a little lost; I did not know where to start working, or just what to do. So I did not rush, and took time to find myself and think what I really wanted for the future.

One thing that I certainly want to do is travel to another country. This is a good way to grow, and learn about different matters. I feel that traveling gives you tools for life. You get to know a lot of people, different cultures, which might give you some ideas to apply to your own life.

Another thing that I want to do is keep studying. I am interested in human resources. As a Psychologist, there are many specializations in this topic that I like. For instance, there is a master called "Work and Organizational Psychology", in the same university where I got my degree. This lasts two years, and is very complete. So, this is one strong option for me to choose.

Finally, family is a very important goal for my future. I want to marry my boyfriend, work together and get a house or an apartment. Later we could have children, when we are ready, and settle down.

I believe happiness has no recipe, but for now, I think these three goals are the most important for me to achieve. They might change in the future, but I will think it over when the time approaches.

@ federica15

I think for a first essay, this is a winner! You express yourself very well, and seam to have a good vocabulary. However, I recommend that you do not use overly lengthy sentences. Separate them into shorter sentences. The same with phrases; separate them with commas. Both of these techniques help the reader to have a better flow, and to breath easier.

You seem to have fairly definite plans for your life, and they are admirable. I think you communicate them well, but should look for other ways to start a sentences, other that "I". This would give you sentence variety which they look for.

You could expand a bit too on some topics: for example: what ideas would traveling give you, which you could apply to your own life, what specific tools; language, culture comparison, living on your own?

Also, in the introduction, you should end it by mentioning the three goals. This way you set up the essay form: one paragraph to intro, three examples in a paragraph of their own, and a conclusion.

All in all though, this reads well.

Good luck!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Combine studying with playing in education children is necessary [3]

I think it is a good first effort, and thank you for sharing it with us! However I did do some reconstructing if your sentences: you need to pay more attention to sentence structure. Every sentence needs a subject and verb. I think you should explain why lack of play will limit their creativity: perhaps mention crafts and they can enrich your imagination.

I agree that interesting games can be mixed into study of both English and history. When I was in school we reenacted historical plays, in history class, and that really helped me to learn the facts, as the teacher made sure we stuck to the facts!

Do you have any facts to back up the point about children's health being effected by lack of play. Perhaps you could say that this form of exercise, could help reduce childhood obesity!

Keep trying, because practice makes writing better. You did a very good job of conveying the advantages of playing as a balance to studying. I just tried to make your sentences complete, and watch your word choices. Make sure the word you pick is the one that makes the most sense for that idea: use a dictionary and thesaurus, to help you. Also, I added some commas, to allow the reader to breath.

Good luck!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / The youngsters should use their opportunities to travel or work wisely - it might help to find a job [3]

I think your essay is to the point, and answers the questions adequately. However you need to be more careful about your article choices, and make sure they match the word, they go to. I think when you mention "soft skills", you should say what they are in plain terms, before, going on to the next point. How does traveling make you wise?: what challenges do you face? Enumerate these, (expand on those points).

I tightened up some of your sentences, and added commas. I think the point about unemployment is good, or that they will be stuck with lower wages.

I think you do present more benefits than disadvantages, and that does help to make your essay work, as your conclusion is proven

In general, this is well written, but needs some attention to word choice, article choice, and punctuation.

Good job!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / People's lives are the result of the choices they make - examples in people and in the literature. [3]

This essay is well written. However, I think you should introduce your three characters in the first paragraph: Sam Worthington, Ahab in Moby Dick, and Huck, in The Adventures of Huck, exemplify this universal notion.

Also, you need to make sure your verb choices match how you use them, whether singular or plural. Too, your article choice needs to be sharpened.

I think you use good examples, of people's decisions affecting their lives, and you properly divided the three examples, into three paragraphs!

Then you also vary the examples, i.e. one from real life, and two from fictional life. I think the positive/negative/positive example of human decision making is effective in keeping the readers interest.

I would give you an "A". You just needed some grammar tweeking, and a little punctuation help, as I added some commas.

Good job!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Gaining knowledge through watching TV and reading books [2]

Reading books and watching TV are two main ways that help us achieve a wide range of knowledge. While it is true that books are good for imagination and language skills, I agree that watching TV is also necessary for language learners.

Some books mainly include the description of authors going along without image or photos. It is difficult for readers to understand their content if they do not try to imagine those, in their mind. As a result of this fact, readers can build an imaginary world from reading. In addition, books are also helpful in terms of learning languages. For example, grammar and vocabulary will be improved when reading a book, resulting from knowing the way of authors' writing and lexical resources.

However, reading limits some skills such as listening and speaking that with which TV can easily help us. The main reason is that while people read books, they do not often speak out loud and only keep their eyes on pages. In contrast, watching TV requires people to concentrate on listening and seeing what are happening, so listening would be improved, effectively. Through TV screens, learner observe speakers' motivation of their mouth and tongue and then imitate it exactly that leads to boosting up speaking skills.

In conclusion, both reading and watching are indispensable in today's world. While reading is a good way to improve imagination and language skills, I think that TV is also a media for leaners to improve their speaking and listening skills.

I think that you have answered the question but could use better organization, and expansion. I think you need one more paragraph, about the differences between reading and TV watching. What about books with pictures? Is this still a good forum for stimulating the reader to imagine what they are learning? How does this then compare to watching the TV? So, you could do a paragraph on how the two formats are the same; for example, in addition to books with pictures, what about a book of speeches? The reader could imagine their mouth and tongue imitating these.

Your sentences are a little long, and could benefit from breaking them up into smaller segments: either two sentences, or more commas.

Basically, however, I think you have made a good start at showing to what extent you agree or disagree with the question.

Good luck!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Life now is better than it was 100 year ago. Agree or disagree? [3]

Over the last century, people's lives are better than before. While some people think that life, now, has brought them to a robotic era because humans are too reliant on auto technology, I personally believe that today's era gives many benefits for people.

I would argue that life now is better than 100 years ago due to the enhancement in public facilities. For example, in Singapore, many schools are built so that children can get well educated. As the result, Singapore has changed to be one of the most developed countries in the world.

In addition, people's lives now are more independent since the people can give aspirations freely about what happens around them. In Indonesia, particularly in a reformation era, people can give opinions in front of public without being afraid to be jailed. It is thus clear that people have more freedom than in the past.

However, life now also has several negative effects. The first reason is people now are becoming more individual. Since the advance technology has developed, people are more likely depend on technology than human's help. It is inevitable that the interaction between people is becoming less. Secondly, people's lives in the past are longer life than now. One of the causes is people now prefer to consume fast food, which has less nutrition, than healthy food due to their busy activities. It explains the reason why many people in the past can live until 95 years old, while mostly people now live no more than 85 years old.

In conclusion, it seems to me that although there are some drawbacks as the consequences of the world's changing, I strongly agree that life now is much better than in the past. Where possible, people awareness should be improved in order to get a balance of life especially in social activities and lifestyle.

I don't think your essay need too much in the way of improvement. I think you need to watch your verb conjugations, and your punctuation. I think you could develop your intro paragraph, of two sentences, into three or four. The second sentence is really probably too long, for easy readability. Perhaps you could say: "Some people think that life , now has brought them to a robotic era because of excessive reliance on technology. However, I personally believe that today's era gives many benefits for people."

This would break up the intro into the point-counter-point you use in the body of the text. You say that some negative things have come because of technology, but that you still think life today is better.

I'm glad you found that as a conclusion, because it is encouraging, and heart-warming.

Your general sentences structures, word choices, spelling and punctuation of actually well done. I think you need, if anything, to break up ideas into shorter, more readable thoughts, to give the reader time to breath; you can also do this by adding some commas.

Good job!

ef_carol

Writing Feedback / Are human beings by nature primarily selfish or unselfish? SAT Essay. [3]

Are human beings by nature primarily selfish or unselfish?

The assertion that people are selfish from the moment they are born, has been a major subject to arguefor argument among psychologists and philosophers throughout the history. Humans are driven by their needs, and desire to live, which make them prioritize their problems. That is why persons are more egoistic than altruistic . There are many examples of that in history.

Back in ancient times in China, there was a philosophical movement called legalism. The major principle and belief of legalism was that a human was egoistic by nature and should be severely controlled and punished on order to overcome an inborn tendency.

The evidence of that can be found throughout the history. For instance, queen of France and Navarre, Marie Antoinette, who was a lover of all sorts of cakes and luxury balls, when heard about the lack of bread her people were facing, advised them to eat brioche instead (F rench name for sugary buns). She was so selfish to throw all the country's money to buy herself expensive commodities and arrange balls. Anyway, such and attitude was a reason of the French Revolution, in 1789.

In conclusion, every action or movement a person makes is motivated by their egoism and self-serving impulse.

Your brief essay does seem to cover the question, though. I think the two historical proofs you gave were strong enough to make the point. However, in your introduction, you said there are "many" examples. But then you only list two. Can you think of one more; this would make it "many", and not just a couple of examples.

You need to pay more attention, to your spelling and punctuation. Some of your sentences needed to be broken up, with commas, to allow for pauses for the reader, a "breathe".

Is the word, "primarily" something you could use, too, to expand a bit? Because while you made you point, perhaps you could allow that sometimes people are heroic, when called upon by necessity. Just a thought. Or you could tweak your conclusion, to repeat the word "primarily", from the question: "In conclusion, every action or movement a person makes is primarily motivated by their egoism and self-serving impulse.

Good job!

ef_carol