Writing Feedback / TED talk regarding nuclear power - the nuclear fusion reactor is built. [2]

Hallo everyone,
I need your help for giving me some suggestion regarding writing flow and grammatical accuracy.
Thank you

Kid is a person who can generate creative thinking. The idea producing by the person is sometimes unbelievable as children are of notion that is likely out of the box. Take Taylor Wilson, a person who has an insight for creating nuclear fusion reactor that is arguably required for tackling future problem, as an example. When he was twelve years old, this kid produce a creative idea for making a star and he built a nuclear fusion later on. Over the course of five years, he tried to slam some particular apparatus related to the nuclear reaction which is succeeding nowadays.

The government supporting the kid's idea put a serious attention in order to make this nuclear reaction to be realistic by allocating funding for Taylor. Furthermore, he also went to pre-eminent physic laboratory in the world located in CERN Geneva for examining and building his nuclear plant. Eventually, as he concerned on creating the idea, the nuclear fusion reactor is built.

Writing Feedback / The TEDTalk summary regarding education. Writing flows and checking grammar. [2]

Hallo,
I have summarized the TEDTalk regarding education.
I need your help in order to improve my writing flows and grammatical accuracy.

Education gives rise to be better future-life. However, it is inevitable that some educators across the world are not of a tendency for teaching in rural areas as there are some possibilities which bring about dire consequence for them and this circumstance is happened in mostly developing countries. The speaker is in an attempt to head to countryside in India in which they could not probably obtain well education in order to carry out some research. In slum areas of New Delhi, India, the speaker embedded a high-speed computer which can presumably be operated by children. By doing so, over the course of a couple of months, the students have an ability to speak and understand English as a foreign language and this event is happened in other rural areas of India.

In addition to this, the speaker was in an effort to educate the pupils in some part of India concerning on biotechnology by utilizing the computer during two months and the machine are operated in English. At the first glance he checked to the place, students could not understand. However, after completing a couple of months, they have an insight regarding this issue. As computer can teach students, he concludes that students can educate themselves by using technology on condition that they are of a huge interest.

Writing Feedback / A summarize from TED Talk from Bill Gates who reveals how to improve teaching quality [2]

Hallo everyone,
I need your help in order to improve my writing flows.
This is a summarize from TED Talk from Bill Gates who reveals how to improve teaching quality.

Teachers, a person who educate and enhance students' knowledge, require a feedback regarding their teaching method as it can help them boosting the quality of transferring information. To exemplify, countries having a well-performed ability on reading such as China, South Korea, Finland, are of a particular schedule for teacher to give some feedback one another. Normally, young teacher asks senior educator or observes them how to improve teaching quality. As a consequence, these countries can perform the best way on reading ability.

In United States of America, a teacher educating English to her students is of a method for giving self-feedback by filming her teaching. Prior to transfer the knowledge, she sets the apparatus including video recorder and stand up three port video. After positioning the tools, she educates her students by moving around and talks with the students unconsciously as if there is no camera recorder. When the teaching activities have already completed, she opens the recorder and observe what has been done by herself. As she can see what was happened in the class, therefore she can evaluate the teaching method that was delivered to the student.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : MAP, West park secondary school construction [2]

Question:
The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Answer:
A comparison of the changes which have taken place at west park secondary school from 1950 to 2010 is revealed in the pictures. What stands out from the maps is that the farmland in 1950 was reshaped to be car park in 2010. It also can be seen that houses appeared in 1950 was deteriorated.

There was a dramatic change in farmland located in the eastern map in 1950 over the course of sixty years. The building was altered to be place for performing regular exercise in 1980, and parking area for cars was built in 2010 to reshape sport field. Standing in contrast, 1950 to 2010 experienced virtually remain unchanged in playground and educational institute which are located in Western park.

In addition to this, people accommodations which were shaped in 1950 were changed over the years. Although car park was created in 1980, the building was deteriorated. However, 1980 to 2010 was constructed the science block placed in next to school building. Afterwards, the car park was more widened performed in 2010. In between the car park and playground in 2010, there was sport field.

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Writing Feedback / "one big traffic jam" - Traffic congestion drives an immense problem. [2]

Question:
Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam".

How true do you think this statement is?
What measures can government take to discourage people from using their car?

Answer:

Traffic congestion drives an immense problem. People normally use private car as their main transportation implement for heading to some places such as mall, office, campus market, and other famous places. Therefore, I definitely agree that cities are altered to ne a gigantic traffic jam which reduce human productivity. For purposes of tackling the matter, state official can build public transportation such as monorail, Mass Rapid Transit (MRT), and create a regulation such road pricing.

It is inevitable traffic congestion is driven by increasing the figure of people owning private car, and they use it for their daily activities. Take Thailand and Indonesia as an example. In Bangkok, urban dwellers are normally use private cars for going to some particular places, since plenty of people in the country are of the car. When it comes to Indonesia, especially Jakarta, the traffic jam is associated to the number of people possessing car. As in Bangkok, they use car for heading to several places such as mall or their office. Thus, traffic congestion account for the huge problem in these countries, and the cities are changed to be gridlock. As it can be seen, traffic jam, the major matter in cities, is triggered by raising the number of private car.

For tackling the traffic jam, government who is in charge of the problem has a number of solutions. First, they should provide public transportation in which people can is it for their activity. In Jakarta, the governor is building monorail and MRT for urban workers. What is more is that making a regulation such road pricing. This regulation encourages people using private cars to pay prior to entering major highway.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that the cities in around the world are facing traffic congestion due to raising the figure of private car. In contrast, the solution for tackling the matter can be committed by government such as creating new regulation and providing public transport. Where possible, people should be encouraged more not to use private car.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : SURVEY SHOPPING CENTER [2]

The tables and pie chart show in percentage terms the results of a survey of a new shopping complex in Auckland, New Zealand.
Answer:

A comparison regarding the result of a survey of novel shopping places in Auckland, New Zealand is revealed on the table and pie chart. What stands out from the data reveals that while the proportion of male experiences lower than female in dissatisfied in restaurant, female accounts for higher figure as very satisfied in both shops and restaurant. It also can be seen that the design shows satisfied as the higher percentage.

According to the data, the figures of people who feel satisfied on the design of restaurant and shops centre are higher than others. The percentage shows 62 percent of people. Looking for more detail, the percentage of male is considerably higher than female in both shops (45 percent) and restaurant (more than a half). Standing in contrast, the figure experiencing dissatisfied is lower, which is solely one in ten. In this case, the proportion of male and female have an equal number (20 percent) in shopping area and in restaurant, the percentage of female shows higher than male which is at 21 percent.

The percentage of people experiencing very satisfied is only 17 percent of overall. In this area, the figure of female is more dominant than male. In addition, people who do not offer comment is only 11 percent in which female is higher in restaurant and male is popular in shopping centre.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : SEEKING ALTERNATIVE ENERGY [3]

As Earth runs out of natural resources, we have started to look to space for solution. However, some people argue that this is wrong thing to do, and instead we should look for alternative solutions here on Earth.

To what extent do you agree with them?
What alternatives might there be to exploiting space for natural resources?

Answer:

Natural resources are utterly important for human's life. For this reason, inhabitants dwelling in the area require natural resources for powering their accommodation every day. However, as the sources in the Earth runs out of natural resources, some people argue that humans should date back to seek the space such as Mars because it provides energy like wind sources and solar power. In my own opinion, as the Earth still has the sources which have not explored yet such uranium, people should seek the alternative solution here on the Earth to meet human need.

A particular reason why people should find out the sources on the Earth is that it is of raw material which can be harnessed to be nuclear power and it can power a great amount of electricity. Take uranium as an example, in Indonesia, there is a great amount of uranium in which people can alter it to be nuclear power. As a consequence, the house in the city requiring natural resources can be powered by this source. Since the Earth still offers the raw material, people should explore deeply on the Earth.

Admittedly, the space renders natural resources which can be explored by human when they go out of Earth because there is a similar planet as the Earth. To exemplify, Mars, the planet which is closer to the Earth than others, is of similarities as the Earth and it also provides natural resources such as wind energy and solar energy. Therefore, these kinds of energy can be used as natural resources. As the Mars has some kind of sources, it means that another space provides natural resources.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although the outer space provides some natural resources, looking for other resources on the Earth is better since it still has some resources. Where possible, people should explore more on the Earth.

Writing Feedback / Social well-being could be reached by removing the charge for education and healthcare [5]

The education and healthcare should be founded and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer:

Education and healthcare are of crucial role in order to creating the welfare society. However, the idea that the state should be responsible to provide the safety net such as education and healthcare is a debatable motion. In my notion, offering free education for entire inhabitants brings about positive development for centuries since the citizens would be well-educated. Furthermore, as immeasurable number of sufferers who could not afford to pay the medical service, it is imperative to render free hospital service for everyone.

The state should be responsible for education by getting rid the whole tuition fee to everyone since the scholars are of the equal opportunity in order to obtain education service. Take German as an example, for decades, the country have taken charge of the fee for education. The students could reach the university degree recognition without paying the charge. As a fact of this, in contemporary era, this policy leads German to be welfare state. Since creating free charge of education renders positive development, the government should allocate more founding on it.

Admittedly, as a vast range of sufferers who could not afford the charge, the state also should construct free medical service for all dwellers. To exemplify, in topical era, plenty of Kenyan living under poverty account for getting disease, although the state has provided insurance since 1966. Of course, 20 percent of citizens have access to the medical service only. Therefore, the rest of people do not come to the service. As establishing free medical care is utterly important, the state should be in charge of it.

The aforementioned evidence shows that social well-being could be reached by removing the charge for education and healthcare to the entire of inhabitants. Where possible, the state also should point out the regulation to all everyone. Therefore, the information is known by everyone.

Writing Feedback / Are alternative energy resources too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas? [2]

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

Answer:

The demand for powering the town and transportation has increased for years. For this reason, a wide range of domestic solar system does not generate sufficient energy to meet all needs. Other resources such as harnessing natural power of the sun, waves and wind are preparing by countries. However, it cost a huge amount of money for purchasing the apparatus such as the machine and power station. Also, installing the tools require an enormous attempt and complicated. For another country in which the panels have been implemented, providing energy alternative sources could be tackled swiftly.

Constructing the alternative energy plant requires an amount of founding at which the state should allocate outweigh. In Canada, $120 million should be in charge of government for providing the equipment and installing the apparatus which are needed. Furthermore, the scientists have to struggle and concerted effort on creating the wave solar panel as it is complicated. Take Portland as an example in which they was fail in order to build wave plant. When they performed to build the wave plant, the equipment quickly sank.

Conversely, harnessing wind turbine to power the cities for some countries is not difficult as they succeed to install it. For example, China is one of the countries where wind solar panels have worked. For years, the panels could generate an amount of electricity in order to meet the energy needed by the cities and transportation. As the plants have worked in China, creating waves energy is not be the problem.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although constructing the alternative energy requires huge attempt and too expensive, some other countries could install it. Where possible, the state should be in charge of maintenance the plants.

Writing Feedback / Criminal activity performs a crucial impact in societies. What can be do to minimize this phenomenon [5]

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the cause of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Answer:

Criminal activity performs a crucial impact in societies. Owing to a vast range of unemployment in cosmopolitan cities, citizens have less choice in order to obtain well-paid job. This is one of the main causes of increasing the number of crime rate every year. The government should be responsible for this matter by providing the workplace and educating the offenders such practical skills in the prison.

A particular reason on raising the crime rate which is happened in plenty of cities is that there are people who are idle. They could not acquire permanent job. To exemplify, in the contemporary era, recent studies from the statistics of South Africa reveals that the number of jobless in 2005 are exceeding five million people. They could not fulfil their daily need. As a huge number of poverty in South Africa, people have a tendency to earn wage by being a murder. Consequently, the figure of people committing a crime climbs annually.

The authority owned by government brings about measurements in order to tackle the matter. First of all, the state has a responsible to provide a job vacancy for their citizens. If people could be occupied in some companies, they afford to pay basic need. Thus, the number of crime would fall. What is more, the prisoners would rather be educated by rendering the skills such how to recycle the letters which are beneficial to earn money. After they accomplish their sentenced period, they are of practical skills.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although the proportion of murders which are appeared in the cities increases, the solutions to tackle the matters are available on the government. Where possible, people accounting for the criminal act should report it to the nearest police station for creating comfortable zone.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : THE BENEFIT OF THE INTERNET FOR COMMUNICATION AND LITERATURE [3]

It is generally believed that the Internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not the best place to find information.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

The Internet is of a wide range of benefit for inhabitants. For this reason, international computer network serves people in order to be linked without a huge obstacle all over the world since they could be rendered outstanding features from the social media. As a coin has two sides, the dire consequence is also available on the Internet such inaccurate information creating people should be extremely cautious when they go online. In my opinion, Internet connection enables societies to build profitable business as these days it is convenient way to be true.

The high-speed Internet provides a proper way for people to communicate because they could be connected through social media such Skype. Take the Royal Family as an example. They quite often operate the Skype for interpersonal communication. Prices Charles sometimes uses it when he requires to be helped by Princes Harry. Also, a few years back, Queen contacted Princes Harry when she was on duty in Afghanistan. Therefore, they could keep in touch even though they are separated from far distance. Without the internet, people could not be linked one another easily.

On the other hand, the broadband internet is not perfect place for seeking accurate information as there are some erroneous information appeared at the internet. To exemplify, people should be very cautious about using Wikipedia. The information is posted by anonymous author and the expertise is not taken into consideration. Furthermore, people may be read some out-dated information because it is not updated. Consequently, people obtain incorrect information.

I am of notion, the internet is an effective way for conducting business because it enables people to sell or purchase branded goods. For instance, in the meantime, people could work in business in online shop. In addition for this, internet-banking can be operated in order to maintain people's business.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although international computer network renders positive development in regular communication, it also provides detrimental effect since the information sometimes is inaccurate. Where possible, people should be extremely careful when they incorporate articles through the internet.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: PEOPLE OBEY TO INTAKE VARIOUS GRASS-FED ANIMALS IN ORDER TO OFFER BENEFIT TO ENVIRONMENT [3]

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole.

Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
Answer:

Since meat contains some hazardous chemical, some inhabitants neglect to intake various grass-fed animals. This positive development renders enormous advantages for their body and also for environmental where animal produces carbon emission which could reduce global warming. In my opinion, the idea of obeying red meat renders tremendous benefit for adults because they are on the period of on-going growth.

Ingesting processed food of cattle regularly causes several diseases since it contains various dangerous chemical. A scientific research from United States of America has confirmed that devouring red meat develops cancer. For example, in 2014, there will be an estimated 1,665,540 cancer suffers in US as such consuming red meat. They consume a considerable amount of meat in which they are having lunch or dinner frequently. Subsequently, saturated fat, another harmful chemical, is also obtained when people ingest some meat. Thus, people get involved in obesity. By obeying these kinds of diet, people intend to be health.

Neglecting to eat amount of meat renders positive development for the earth as animal's faeces produce carbon emission. To exemplify, studies from the national trust United Kingdom determined that livestock creates a staggering 18 per cent of world's carbon emissions which could reduce greenhouse gas emission. Consequently, it would benefit through the environment.

I am of notion that Consuming red meat creates beneficial effect for human particularly the teenagers as they are on the period of on-going development. A brief example of this is that red meat contains rich source of protein which is required. They need to ingest at least five ounces of meat every day. As a result, they possess great deal of energy needed for fulfilling their day-to-day activities.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although obeying amount of varied diet of livestock renders positive development for inhabitants and the environment, consuming meat has tremendous useful for human life particularly for the teenagers. Where possible, people are suggested to do not avoid meat. Instead, they could eat less grass-fed animal meat.

Writing Feedback / PEOPLE GET A JOB - it's a necessity in everyone's life [4]

Many people say that the only way to graduate getting a job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

Answer:

Obtaining a job is a basic necessity in human life. However, mankind select different ways in order to get a job depend on what sort of jobs they want. Some people argue that they should get a university degree in advance if their desired jobs require specific such doctor. In contrast, others believe that it would be better to begin work after they accomplish school and acquire some work experience in the company. In my personal opinion, I disagree to this perspective as starting to work after school will not guarantee that people get well-paid job.

Accomplishing a course of university education in order to obtain a job is utterly prominent since they require some theories and certain skills which are given by university. Take a doctor as an example. Someone who wants to be a doctor is supposed to get a degree from university. They should obtain knowledge to be able to cure a disease; therefore people can help others who become ill. As a consequence, acquiring a university degree is the solely one way to get a job.

Beginning a work after school and getting experience in the workplace cause some dire consequences. First of all, people with high school diplomas who work in a company tend to get a lower salary than someone obtaining university degree. To illustrate, in Indonesia, the level of salaries are based on hand in hand with worker's educational qualification. Secondly, mankind does not have adequate skills which support them acquire higher wage at work; they are difficult to deal with sorts of work they should be done in the enterprises.

In conclusion, it is evident that some jobs some jobs require people to have university recognition before they enter a workplace. On the other hand, people who work directly after school only get a lower salary and also do not have to chance to occupy new position. Where possible, someone should continue to study to university, then they can choose workplace wherever they want.

Writing Feedback / TECHNOLOGICAL TOOLS - sophisticated technology in order to prevent crimes among societies [2]

Some people believe that technological tools such as body scanners and CCTV have significantly enhanced our safety and security, while others feel that they have resulted in a loss of privacy.

Do the benefits of these items outweigh their disadvantages?

In the mean time, scientist have developed sophisticated technology in order to prevent crimes among societies. For this reason, body scanners and Close Circuit Television (CCTV) have been created by them. It can help societies safer and increase the security. Instead it affects to the quality of work due to inconvenience.

Technology equipment such as CCTV and body scanners have a pivotal role in order to prevent a crime. Since it can detect human activities. For example, in SMA Labschool Jakarta, there are a wide range of CCTV which is located in several places. When there is a thief, the camera can identify and record the events. Therefore, it can be prevented. Furthermore, body scanner can find the dangerous tools which is brought by people. Take Kuala Lumpur International Airport as an example, government put a wide range of body scanner in every gate. As such, people who want to enter the airport should be scanned by body scanner. Thus, it can make sure that there is no dangerous tools.

On the other hand, technology sometimes give dire consequences when they work, because entire activities are monitored by camera. Take Jakarta Stock Exchange office as an example. People who feel inconvenience, because all activities are recorded. When they talk a secret message to another. It is captured by CCTV, therefore their quality of work is not maximum. As a result, negative developments are available due to this advance technology.

In conclusion, it is evident that sophisticated technology such as CCTV and body scanner give positive development in order to identifying the crime, instead it affects occupants when they work in office. Where possible, people should put the machine in the right place where it is not disturb human activity.

Writing Feedback / Four different subjects which are attended by secondary school students from 2000 to 2009 [3]

The table reveals four different subjects which are attended by secondary school students from 2000 to 2009 and is measured in percentage. What stands out from the chart shows that while the community schools experienced as the lowest, this trend increased over the year.

In 2000, the secondary school student who attended Voluntary-controlled schools was considerable higher than the other subjects. The percentage witnessed by 52 per cent. Compared to this subject, community schools and specialist schools were lower, stood at solely 12 per cent. Over the following nine years, this attendant decreased dramatically to 20 per cent in 2009. Following this, there was a slight fall in the percentage of specialist school by two per cent.

Interestingly, while the student entering the class in community school was not as much as the others, this trend rose over the year. In 2009, the figure peaked at 58 per cent. This witnessed the highest than the other attendances. On the other hand, student fascinated in grammar schools had dropped to twelve per cent in the same period.

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Writing Feedback / Parents should describe healthy diet food and support their children to take exercises [3]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In modern life, children unhealthy lifestyle is considerable an accelerating trend. For this reason, they are tempted to eat unhygienic diet as there is no restriction from the parents; hence children consume it. They also have less physical activity, which cause their body are vulnerable to get disease. For this case, parents are considerable to measure this problem by rendering healthy diet and encouraging children to take exercise regularly. Instead, school is not responsible, they just concern on academic purpose.

In my personal perspective point of view, parents have a power to manage and create healthy behaviour for children since they are a root of children's development. Healthy behaviour focuses on supporting hygiene food and taking exercise regularly. First of all, parents should know kinds foods consumed by children. To exemplify, recent studies from British Heart Foundation (BHF) in 2013 confirms that parents always observe what sort of diets that children consume regularly. That is why they need to be responsible in terms of controlling and carrying children's health. In addition, parents encourage them to do physical activities regularly; hence, children can avoid the dire consequence from unhealthy lifestyle.

As an educational council, school does not get into unhealthy lifestyle problem attributed to their students, but they concern on academic purposes. For a pragmatic instance, in Indonesia, in terms of Indonesian regulation, the constitution number 20 in 2003 with regard to national education system reveals that school persuades students to acquire a great deal of knowledge. Even though it includes certain character, it does not incorporate the way to eat healthy diet. Teacher in class shares idea and understanding; hence the students understand and obtain new knowledge. To sum up, educational institution is not responsible to unhealthy lifestyle.

The aforementioned evidence shows that describing healthy diet food and supporting children to take exercise should be done by parents in order to create healthy style for children. However, although school is the second student's environment, they just concern to academic purposes. Where possible, children should follow parent's advice for eating balance between healthy diet and doing some exercise regularly hence they can get better health future.