Writing Feedback / Natural Versus Nurture, which do you consider to be the major influence? [2]

Hi Reza, I have read this essay closely. In my vantage point, your essay is a good job, but you have still needed a few improvements to achieve a high score.

When you wanna deliver a noun, you have to recognize that the noun is countable or not. The word "natural" is the countable noun so that you don't forget to place articles. Perhaps, you think that is a minor error, but that word relates to a keyword of your topic. If you make many minor errors, there is not a doubt that your score will be reduced. In any case, you use more pronoun "it". I guess you can use other words such as "the factor" and "this". It is important to show that you have a variety of vocabulary, which can enhance your score for the lexical resource.

You are supposed to strengthen your idea in the first body paragraph by using the relating example. Actually, you displayed the example, but it has still seemed vague information. It's better if you directly a famous person as the example, relating to your description. I believe you can do that in the next term. After that, a closer look at your second body reveals that there was a statement which broke your flow.

if they are not improving it, their talent will not evolve

In my view, you should place that in end of the first body paragraph. That can become a concession being able to support your opinion in the next paragraph. Exactly you can find a difficulty in arranging the good flow, but you can master this on condition that you read more examples of the essay. Lastly, you have to recognize a difference between a conjunction and linking word. There was officially a linking word, but you picked the conjunction up. Please be aware of delivering proper linking words to create the good flow. It is paramount because your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate so that you endeavor how reviewers can read your essay easily.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing your essay.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Energy Production Chart In America [4]

Hi Truong, I have read your writing closely and found that you needed a few improvements.
Firstly, harness proper linking words to keep cohesion of your writing. If you wanna display an overview, you can use an intro "Overall, it is important to note". Following that, your score is gonna fall down because you deliver the wrong information in the overview. You said that Coal is the main source although it clearly seemed that Oil is the primary source. Be careful of picking the data.

Turning to your body paragraph, honestly your description is less interesting because you did not compare figures each other. On condition that you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to compare them. For example,

"Initially, coal broke a record as the highest percentage of energy used in America, representing at 42%. Meanwhile, hydroelectric and nuclear power were only generated less than an eightieth of coal's percentage."

Actually, your writing is a good job, but it's better if you display comparisons in each paragraph and deliver a variety of vocabulary to get the high score

Hopefully, my corrections can finalize your writing.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The comparison of local government expenditure in each category in Someland [2]

Hi Tami, I have read your writing closely. Following this, I found a few things you have to fix for finalizing this writing task 1.
Firstly, there were some unclear sentences. Your job in the writing is to communicate so that you don't make reviewers confused to understand your writing. You said that the figure dominated. What did the figure dominate? That is a vague information. Besides, the last sentence of the first paragraph seemed like layman's sentence. It is meaningless, so that can not give useful information for readers.

Turning to the body paragraph, keep in your mind that you have to mention the detailed information there. Well, exactly we do not need to deliver all figures, only the interesting data. However, when you order that data, you are supposed to include the percentage. You cannot say that the figure experienced the fluctuation because you entered in the body paragraph. I suggest you read more examples of writing task 1 and review them to get the sense of the writing task 1. Your score is gonna fall down especially the task achievement because you did not display the proper data. Please, pay attention to this matter. Lastly, you are used to being aware of use of articles. It is a minor error, but that can reduce your score if that occurs many times.

Hopefully, those can help you. The key to master this section is practicing more and more.
Happy writing
^_^

Writing Feedback / Annual expenditure in Scotland - comparing pie charts [2]

Hi Agus, I have read your writing closely. There I found a few things you are supposed to fix them.
Firstly, if you wanna achieve a high score, pay attention to the collocation of your word. For example, you wrote "spend in" although word "spend" relates to the preposition "on". This is actually a minor error, but that can reduce your score on condition that you do repetitively. After that, please keep in your mind that the good paragraph should have at least three sentences to meet the requirement. You can separate your overview to become two sentences so that you can build the good paragraph.

Turning to the body paragraph, you actually made comparisons in your sentence. However, you have to be more aware of the number. If you wanna compare the percentage of the figure, you are used to including the beginning position such as the percentage of the education sector. Following this, double check your sentence. You have to make sure what your write is what you mind. In the first sentence of the second body paragraph, you didn't put the time information. Be careful of that treatment because it can make your score falls.

Hopefully, these can help you for finalizing your writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 - An increasing trend of living or studing abroad [4]

Hi Maitouyen, these below are my corrections for finalizing this essay.

Firstly, you actually displayed your overview, However, if you wanna get a higher score, you should mention drawbacks and benefits which you will explain in the body paragraph, represented in a short sentence. You don't need to include its reasons, only keyword of your view. Following this, I reckon you have not got the meaning of prompts given. You are supposed to review benefits what they can get while working in another country, not to come back from overseas. That I found at the example you gave in the first body paragraph. You failed to show a logical flow to present your view.

Generally, the body paragraph consists of two or three paragraphs. However, you wrote those over. It's better on condition that you marge between the first and second paragraph, and between the third and fourth paragraph. After that, please you avoid making a contraction in the essay. That might be a minor error, but that can reduce your score more if you make many contractions. For your conclusion paragraph, you should create it from paraphrasing the thesis statement. Besides that, you don't include your personal statement in this essay beacuse the question does not ask you.

Hopefully, those can help you
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Unhealthy convenience food - Task 2 IELTS Writing module [5]

Hi Hadeel, welcome to Essay Forum. It is a right place to improve and assess your writing.

Honestly, this writing has still needed many improvements. One of your big mistakes is that your flow in this essay is not good enough. Its reason is simple that you did not present your idea systematically. I think there were a large number of redundant sentences which could not answer the prompts given. For example, the first two sentences explained the topic widely. To make the introductory paragraph, you only need paraphrasing the statement and create a thesis statement which gives a general description about what you would review in the body paragraph. For your case, you only required two body paragraphs. Those are enough to review and display the answer of the prompts detailed. Following this, you are supposed to keep in your mind that the good paragraph should consist of at least thress sentences if you wanna meet the requirement in the formal writing. In the fourth paragraph, you write the conclusion of this matter and if it's important, you can include afew sugesstions for that circumstance. In this moment, I believe you cannot get more than 5 because you cannot fix the question.

Please, you read more exampes of the writing task 2 so that you recognize the basic elements in the essay.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing the topic is about laws and society [3]

Hi Michele,
I have read your writing closely and found some you have to improve. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.
Unfortunately, you will be penalized because you did not meet the important requirement in the writing task 2. In this essay, you are supposed to write at least 250 words and you failed. Pay attention to this circumstance because that can reduce your score in an actual test. For your contents, you have missed the essential element. Reviewers could not find your position about that issue. There is nothing for thesis statement although that is paramount to answer prompts of the question. Honestly, you could not obtain a high score in this essay.

Turning to your body paragraph, your flow is not good enough. Its reason is because your example did not relate to your view, even can confuse readers. Honestly, what you reviewed is different with what the question asked. Please, you keep your relating topic to answer the question well.

Hopefully, those can hep to finalize this essay
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Factors which have an influence on men and women [3]

Hi Maitou, there were a few improvements you needed.
First, make sure that you write is in your mind. I think there is the sentence inappropriately. You don't write "which have an influence", but it's better if you wrote "influencing female and male happiness". Following that, you should write at least three sentences in each paragraph to meet the requirement. Actually, you can add a sentence for your overview so that it consists of two sentences.

Turning to your first body paragraph, based on my assessment, you could not get the high score because you missed one of essential prompts. You are supposed to compare figures because there were three factors similar between men and women. It made your explanation less fascinating. Well, you exactly compared the data, but that happened in the second paragraph. You unsuccessfully review the figures entirely since you really focused on the female events.

To understand the seanse of writing task 1, I suggest you to read more example. Hopefully, those my suggestions can help you for improving your skill.

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Reference Letter for a job - Request from a Teacher [4]

Hi Tanner, Welcome to Essay Forum. Hopefully, you can harness this as well as possible for improving your essay.
Actually, this letter is enough good, but it has still needed improvement. Firstly, please you introduce yourself briefly to remind your teacher or make him sure that you are someone which he minded. You need to arrange your explanation systematically so that you can create a good flow. When you mentioned that you are gonna apply for a job, you are supposed to explain why you wanna choice that. Don't present its reasons in the separate paragraph for keeping the flow. Furthermore, you have required more strong statement why you wanna become an employee there.

Following that, you make sure that what you write is what you mind. There were a few of messy sentences which you should rewrite to keep coherence and cohesion. In addition, to a high score, you are used to delivering proper linking words to make this flow smoother.

I really hope those can help you for finalizing your letter.

Writing Feedback / Learning a foreign language can be optimal in primary school, but the real language may bemuse them [3]

Hi Aini, please you meet my notes for finalizing this.
Firstly, others can not give feedback totally because you did not include the statement or question entirely. In this moment, I am gonna offer suggestions based on what I got in your prompt. You have still made a few mistakes grammatically. For example, you could not distinguish when you use since/ because/ because of. It probably seemed like the minor error, but that can disrupt the original meaning of what you mind. Then, you should remove your last sentence in the first paragraph because it was a repetitive idea of two previous sentences. You would seem explaining that around the same topic and can reduce points at the lexical resource.

Turning to the first body paragraph, there were many errors. You have to place a comma at "The pupils in primary school,who learn foreign languages" or replace the word "in primary school". I think what you write is not what you mind. After that, your flow is not good enough. Readers are gonna find a difficulty to understand your sentence. You can make a large number of the complex sentences, but you stay keeping the flow. Honestly, it seemed so messy. I only remind that your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate with others, not to press them so that you should display well. Following that, you have still fallen in misspelling. Please, you double check, so you do not lose the score because of a minor error.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Discussion about young people ignoring some traditional beliefs [4]

Hello Zeal, welcome to Essay Forum. This is a proper medium for improving your writing skill.
I have read your essay closely. Honestly, there were many things you should improve. In the first sentence, you are gonna lose your score because you can display the meaning of the given statement. It is meant that you could not successfully paraphrase the statement and in my vantage point that is very different. Unfortunately, that you did in the first sentence so that the examiner will easily know your mistakes what you can review in the next sentences. Following that, your thesis statement at the last sentence in the same paragraph was less strong to show what you would review in the body paragraph.

Turning to the body paragraphs, I cannot give you many comments because you are not able to answer the prompts clearly. Your both body paragraphs are so messy and readers could not get what you wanna achieve there. I suggest you that you are supposed to review causes of the matter in the first and the solution in the second so that those seem better and systematically. On tha other hand, your conclusion did not cover what you have mentioned. Keep in your mind that the conclusion should restate what you reviewed in the body paragraph, but it is explained briefly. In other words, to make the conclusion, you paraphrase your thesis statement.

In fact, you have not met requirement succesfully, so you can get the high score hardly. I believe you can understand and master this quickly if you wanna provide your time to read examples of essay. Happy writing, GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Lights and shadows of being a known person [4]

Hello Xuan, I have read your essay. In my view, you need some improvements, especially the structure because you displayed your essay unsystematically.
Xuan, when you wanna start writing an essay, please you paraphrase the statement to get an attention of an examiner. You need to develop your introduction through paraphrasing. Then, you should mention briefly what benefits and drawbacks of that matter so that readers that obtain general view what you would explain in the body paragraph if you wanna get a high score. For your grammar, avoid using a contraction in a formal writing.

Turning to your body paragraph, you actually did not answer prompts given entirely. Its reason is because you tended to review about negative effects of being the celebrity although you have to explain both sides. As we know, you wanna argue that being the celebrity bring more the benefits, but you are supposed to include its drawbacks. Honestly, you cannot get score more than 5 because you did not deal with those task responses given.

Following that, you are supposed to write a conclusion. It is made from restating what you write in the thesis statement. Hopefully, you don't make a new explanation and the conclusion relates what you review in the body paragraph. Lastly, I think it is enough and better if you only write 4 paragraphs to present your essay.

I hope those can help you finalizing your essay and improve your skill

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken? [6]

Hi Lam, I wanna give you my review of your essay. You have needed a few improvement for finalizing this.
In the first paragraph, you have shown a thesis statement. However, you require developing that if you wanna obtain a high score. You are used to giving general description briefly about what you would review in the body paragraph. Two or three words can become your representation about your opinion to cover underline of them. In addition, you seemed confused to decide when you want to locate a conjunction and linking word. As we know, the linking word is essential because it can create the good flow which influences your score for coherence. Therefore, you have to be aware of delivering the proper transitional words.

Turning your body paragraph, You should present a supporting sentence for your second reason in the first body paragraph. Personally, I guess your sentence is less strong and can become a layman's opinion. Following this, you mentioned a solution, but you did not explain that strongly. The statement "The government must eliminate corruption" did not have the supporting sentence to make sure readers that it is the solution. Unfortunately, your example in the second body paragraph could not strengthen your view because you did not display the clear and related example. For the conclusion, you have to develop that again. When you can create the meaningful thesis statement, I think you can write the good conclusion because you only paraphrase the thesis statement previously. You only restate your view again. Besides that, you have to remember that the good paragraph should have at least 3 sentences.

Hopefully, those can give suggestions for your essay.
Happy Writing

Undergraduate / I come from an irrelevant field to the course.. - SG Institute of Technology Statement [3]

Hi Russel, I have read your writing. In my point of view, this is actually a good job, but you have needed a few improvements.

I think you directly present your passion in the first paragraph and give strong supporting sentences why you really like that subject. Honestly, your explanation about your favorite job did not afford to bridge your the first and second paragraph. It seemed an odd thing. It is better on condition that you explore your reason why you have tended to learn the subject.

Following that, you have lacked the explanation about your experience in a work field. You also need sharpening your reason why that is able to encourage your choice. What strength got from your employment timeframe enhance your skill. Furthermore, you can place your first paragraph after you explained those topics because it relates to your goal. That can keep coherence of your writing. However, you don't forget to deliver proper linking words to create the good flow so that you can guide readers to understand your mind.

To impress them, you can mention a course attracting you to be learned. You can review briefly about what you hope to achieve in the course. It will give a drawing that you have prepared to interface the courses in the college.

Hopefully, those can help you to finalize your writing.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Unveiling crimes using sophisticated technology [6]

Hi Nur, please you review my corrections so that you don't fall in the same mistakes.
Actually, you can present the paraphrase of the statement well. however, the last sentence in the introductory paragraph confuse readers about what you are gonna explained in the body paragraph. In the first glance, that seemed a minor error. Nevertheless, after I read the whole sentence, it can appear multi-interpretation. Remember that the meaning of the sentence is paramount. You cannot write deliver the vocabulary to describe your mind without prioritizing the meaning.

Turning to your body paragraph, you picked up the disadvantage enough good, but your reason does not relate to that. You are supposed to explain the cause why you said that the device can distrupt the private area, not to review the right of people about the private area. It is enough far from the prompt. In the second body paragraph, I have found a odd sentence. The second sentence broke your flow because that sentence actually can be merge with the first sentence so that it can keep cohesion of your essay.

For the conclusion sentence, avoid adding the other subjek. You explained benefit for the police although you did not mention in the introduction and body paragraph. I remind you that only restate the thesis statement without the other explanation.

Hopefully, those can help more.
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR ACTUAL TEST

Writing Feedback / The way international associations help developing countries [4]

Hi Nguyen, welcome to Essay. I hope you can harness this medium as well as possible because you can improve your skill in this website. In this moment, I and others will find a difficulty to give you more because you did not present prompts so that we have not know guideline from edges of what you should explain. However, I am gonna try offering a few suggestion generally.

Nguyen, please you meet the requirement when you write a paragraph. You are supposed to write at least three sentences in each sentence. Turning to your grammar, you have been confused about the usage of verb agreement. There you should place verb+s/es, but you forgot. Actually, there is a paramount thing which you should focus. Your flow is not enough good, which can confuse readers to understand what you mind. Keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate with the examiners so that you are supposed to guide them to geeting the point from your essay.

Honestly, I have not foudn the key points of your essay because there is a corelation between what you will describe atthe thesis statement in the introcutory paragraph and the first sentence in the first paragraph. Unfortunately, you also did not display the requirement so that I have not known what you want to achieve in this explanation.

Hopefully, you include the statement/ question in the next essay so that we can know the prompts of the essay.
Happy writing

Writing Feedback / Essay about the importance of spending money on the arts [3]

Hi Martina, I have read your essay and found some errors which you are supposed to improve. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them.

Firstly, your introductory paragraph actually is good because your position can stand out. However, you made a minor error and can influence your score. You changed the meaning. There is the clear different between "some" and "many" in the first sentence. Besides that, you should write at least three sentences in each paragraph for meeting the requirement.

After that, when I reviewed your body paragraph, I honestly admit that you have not answered the prompts given because you should focus on your view. To get a high score, you are supposed to explain your reasons why you argued that those sectors are imprortant in the life. All you pour in the first and second body paragraph.

lastly, please you restate your thesis statement in the conclusion. Don't present the new perspective beacuse that can confuse the readers and reduce your score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Practice more and more, I really believe you can master this section
Happy Writing.

Writing Feedback / The line graph depicts the different modes of transportation used by the country United Kingdom [6]

Hi Sajee, In my vantage point, you have needed a few improvements for finalizing your writing.

Firstly, I only wanna remind you that you are supposed to write at least three sentences in every paragraph. Therefore, you should merge the first and second paragraph for meeting the requirement. Following this, your overview required a little development. When you wanna get a high score, you should make that more meaningful and use words which meet the meaning in reality. For example, you can write like this below.

Overall, it is important to note that the transportation through the road had always become the first choice for transporting the commodities. Meanwhile, the lowest goods had been delivered by citizens of UK with using pipeline track.

Turning to your body paragraph, honestly your sentences were less impressive. If you wanna the high score, you have to present comparison directly. You seemed to play safely. Those seemed listing data and not to compare. Keep in your mind that your job in writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe the data separately. Besides that, your way to display the number was not various. You can convert your information to the numbers of comparison such as "a half".

Hopefully, those suggestions can help you to enhance your score.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IETLS Writing task 1 - 'Parkway Hotel customer service' pie chart [4]

Hi Vi, I have read your writing closer and found a few improvements you need.
Firstly, you actually presented an overview in your introductory paragraph, but it is not fascinating. You directly place the data in the paragraph and did not try to analyze the data. You are supposed to bring the data to the meaningful sentence. Besides that, please avoid using detailed information in the overview because the primary aim of showing the overview is to give a general illustration about what you will explain in the body paragraph. You can say that " Visitors of Parkway Hotel had been more pleased with service conducted by the employee in that 5-year period".

After that, you focus on the language of the data so that you have not shown a bravery to explore the data. You have used the same words to describe the information. Honestly, you play this safely. If you wanna a higher score, you are supposed to find the interesting data and compare their condition. Following this, keep in your mind that you should write at least in the paragraph.

Overall, you have shown the positive improvement.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / The percentage of elderly aged over 65 in USA, Japan and Sweden from 1940 to 2040 - IELTS [3]

Hi Ainun, I will give you a few corrections.
Actually, based on the systematic, you can successfully write this well. However, you cannot call an attention of the examiner if your overview is less interesting. You brought the data to flat information although you can impress the examiner through the overview. This below is the example of my offering.

Overall, it is clearly seen that the number of people aged over 65 years is more totally each year for those three big countries. In any case, the population for this category has shown the immense change rather the other countries.

Ainun, you are actually able to explore the data more and make your body paragraph more interesting. You are supposed to convert your data to forms of the equation so that those are more various. It seemed usual description because you only bring the data rigidly. In my view, you have shown your data unbalanced between the first and second body. You need to develop your ability in grouping the data.

Hopefully, those can help you to enhance your ability.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / Higher entrance fees to attractions for residents than for foreign travelers? [6]

Hy Duy, I have read yours closely and found some needing a few improvements.

Firstly, you should analyze the questions given before you begin writing. Honestly, you have missed one of essential points. You have not shown your position clearly in the thesis statement in the introductory paragraph although it can give an examiner a description about your opinion in the body paragraph. Besides that, if you wanna get a higher score, you are supposed to impress the examiner in the first paragraph.

Turning to the body paragraph, your second reasons in the first body is less strong. You have needed a supporting sentence to strengthen your view. Giving an example can become a way to support your perspective, but that has to relate to the reason.However, you have fallen another topic in the second body. Be careful of traps of the prompts. Therefore, you should underline keywords from the given statement. In the second body, you concentrate on reviewing benefits of the low ticket for local citizen although we have to focus on the International visitors. I admit that it is tricky, but you can avoid that if you wanna analyze more.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your essay. Practice again and again if you wanna master this.
GOOD LUCK

Scholarship / My challenge: the order to manage the payroll software to meet the latest Government Regulation [4]

Hi Iwan, I have read your writing closely and found a few improvement you need to deal with them
Actually, a matter you explained in this is facinating. However, you should also sharpen your abiility to collaborate with your team because there were a few prompts you to show your capability in managing the team. Well, you have stated in some sentences, but you still need strengthening them. You tended to review your experience with presenting specific vocabulary which no all know them so that readers will meet confusion in the middle of your writing. I suggest you deliver the problem with you can tackle it with your team. Besides that, you can show off your ability to explore abilities of your team so that it can prove that you can motivate your team to be better. For your grammar, this is good, but you need to make the flow better so that you can lead the readers to getting the points of your writing.

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / It is inevitable for using alternative energy resources to replace fossil fuel exploitation [3]

Hi Nur, you have shown the good method for paraphrasing the statement. However, your last sentence in the introductory paragraph confused readers. I did not find your reason why you place that sentence. I think that seemed like the redundant sentence. Please, you pay attention to sentences which you deliver to describe what you mind.

Turning to the body paragraph, you successfully answer the task response in the first body. However, you have fallen into a different topic in the next paragraph. You experienced the way to reduce the pollution in the first sentence. Actually, you had guided readers to understanding this well, but you elucidated the topic inappropriately. You have to focus on edges of the prompts given to obtain the high score. Severely, the whole second body exactly concentrated on the solution for diminishing the pollution.

I am supposed to admit that your vocabulary is good. It indicates you can the high score in the indicator "the lexical resource". However, keep in your mind that the paramount thing is to deal with the task responses.

Hopefully, you are able to aware of your topic so that you do not lose the score. Practice more and more Miss...
^_^

Writing Feedback / The line chart compares the data of package delivery distributed by two delivery service companies [4]

Hi Ainun, Actually you can get a score more for your writing, but you have needed a few improvements.
Firstly, if you wanna get the high score, you can impress the examiner through describing the thesis statement. You endeavor to convert the data to the meaningful sentence. You can represent the data smoother. For example,

Overall, it is important to note that TNT successfully surpassed a domination of Federal Express in a delivering sector.
Turning to the body paragraph, you have failed to present the proper information. The first sentence in the first body paragraph stated that TNT stood at a quarter of FedEx although it clearly seemed a third. Please, be careful of deciding the data because it can influence your score for the indicator "task achievement". Following that, you need to know when you harness the past tense or past perfect. There was the sentence which should be displayed in the past perfect like this sentence.

then experienced a growth in the following twenty years

then have experienced a growth....(it's better if you use the past perfect because that was a change in the fixed period)
Honestly, both of your body paragraphs were unbalanced. It indicated that you have found confusion for grouping the data. I suggest you strengthen your ability in grouping because it can enhance your score.

To master this skill, you are supposed to read examples and practice more and more.
Hopefully, those can help you Ainun.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Education and health care should be financed by authorities - everyone could get free access to it [4]

Hi Nur, I really like reading your essay because you wrote this systematically. However, I have found there needed a few improvements for finalizing your essay.

Firstly, you met a misconception in the first body paragraph. Turning to the second sentence, you said that the authority should locate the fund into other sectors. You cannot mention that because there was not a statement that the government only locate budget for both those aspects. Your view is unreasonable to argue the statement.

Following that, you tended to review why the poor family is more suitable for obtaining the fund. Honestly, it's better if you elucidate why the rich family does not get the subsidy. That was only represented at the last two sentences in the second body.

However, I admit that you have shown your ability in the vocabulary. You have been free of repetition and your flow is good. You only need to analyze more so that you can write effectively and efficiently. You have written much vocabulary, but there were a few sentences which did not relate to the topic.

GOOD LUCK for the next writing

Writing Feedback / Every person is different. The happiness depends on people's own. [4]

Hi Reski, you have needed improvement for your writing. I am gonna offer you a few suggestions.
Firstly, pay attention to meaning what you write. Ensure that you write is what you mind. For the second sentence in the first paragraph, I think you want to write the passive sentence. Rereading your sentence is wisely a way to make sure your meaning. Following that, your flow in the first paragraph was not enough good. Readers have not found your points logically. Its problem is because you mentioned cause first, but you have not delivered the linking word appropriately so that it seemed messy.

After that, you need to know the difference for usage of "because and because of". If you placed "because of", you only involve a noun. Actually, you have fallen the problem of verb agreement. Honestly, you have answered the prompt well in the body paragraph. This confused the readers about your reason why you said the happiness is difficult to be defined. Severely, in the last two sentences, you reviewed the topic which doesn't relate to the prompt.

Resky, I suggest you conduct a brainstorming before you begin to write the essay so that you can analyze the question. Practice more and more

happy writing

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - INFORMATION ABOUT DIARRHEA CASES IN MASHHAD FROM 1983 TO 1992 [4]

Hi Ainun, I am gonna try offering a few suggestion for finalizing this.

Firstly, please you try paraphrasing the question fully. Honestly, your sentence in the first was virtually similar to the question. If you wanna get a high score, you can impress an examiner through your skill for paraphrasing. Following this, you can again the score more if you avoid the language of changes in the overview. I mean that you bring that information to a meaningful description. For example,

Overall, it can be obviously seen that although the number of diarrhea sufferers had been more for the some of first years in the period, that condition had gone to zero at the end of period..

On the other hand, be careful of deciding a position of the data. You wrote that the first three years experienced the stable position. However, there was clearly the information that only 1983 and 1984 were at the same point. You are supposed to pay attention to this matter because the examiner will think you have given the information inappropriately. That relates to coherence and cohesion.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill.
Happy Writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: TEENAGE YEARS OR ADULT YEARS ARE MORE HAPPY ? [7]

Hi Pham, I have read your essay. Let me give you a few suggestion for finalizing this.
Firstly, there were many minor errors in grammar. Please, when you wanna merge two sentences, do not forget to a conjunction. Besides that, you do not use a contraction in the formal writing. Avoid doing it again.



After that, I only remind you that the good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. I really you will construct the paragraph meeting the requirement.
Turning to the body paragraph, you fail to tackle the prompts given. They have asked to explore about those two different views. However, in the second paragraph, you tended to explain bad conditions in the adult life although you are supposed to review what people's reasons state that the adult life is the happiest period. I have not found there. Following that, you did not stand out your view about that matter. Readers should find your position clearly so that you will not miss the other prompt.

I recommend you to read examples of writing task 2, especially the conclude paragraph. As we know, the conclusion is created from paraphrasing the thesis statement in the introductory paragraph. In addition, you avoid using this word

Admittedly

to represent that that is your conclusion. It is better you harness the words (In conclusion, to conclude, To sum up).
Hopefully, those can help you to get a little improvement.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / This essay will discuss the main reasons for increase the crime rate [5]

Hi Nilendra, these below are my corrections for your writing. Please, you meet my notes and tackle them.
Firstly, you thesis statement containing your opinion was less strong. Its reason is because you only said that you know its causes and solutions, but you didn't mention. I suggest you are expected to write one or two words about the cause and solution so that readers obtain general draw what you will review in the body paragraph. Following this, you should keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.

Secondly, you have to focus on the prompt statements given. I think you explained the topic widely. In the first body paragraph, the readers will tend to guess that you elucidated a type of crime in the present although you should concentrate on the cause. Besides that, if you wanna get a high score, your move from a sentence to another is supposed to be smooth. Honestly, the readers need reading this more once to get your point and logic. That case also occurred in the second body paragraph. Hopefully, you can pay attention to this matter.

After that, you require rewriting your conclusion. As we know, the conclusion is used to restate your opinion. In other words, to create the conclusion, you paraphrase your statement in the introduction.

Hopefully, these help you for finalizing your essay.
GOOD LUCK

Scholarship / Education is the most effective tool in which you can use to change the world. [4]

Hi Ansley, I will try offering improvement in your paragraphs.
Firstly, You should pay attention to meaning and avoid ambiguous in creating sentences.

It is key to gender equality, reduces chances of poverty, important in politics

It is a key to equality of gender and reduces chances of poverty, especially in sectors of politics, industry, justice, and health.
Actually, your sentences relate to each other. However, you did not present linking words so that you can lead to readers from a topic to another topic. That can also create a good flow logically.

On the other hand, you are supposed to double check your writing. I have found a few minor errors in the grammar. You are not able to heed them because those can break the quality of your writing. You should concern to verb agreement, singular/plural, and usage of the articles.Following that, you can accustom using advanced vocabularies to impress readers. However, you don't forget collocation of your vocabularies so that those disturb your flow. Sometimes you need to check usage of vocabularies in a dictionary so that you use them appropriately.

I really believe you can master the writing skill if you practice more and more. Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Problem/Solution essay Causes of crime - social inequality and low-wages are provoking this [4]

Hi Salma, welcome to Essay Forum. This is a right medium to improve your skill so that you should harness this website as well as possible.

I have read your essay closely. Honestly, you paraphrased the statement unsuccessfully. You presented new topics (social inequality and low-wages) although those cannot represent the meaning increasing the crime rate. Be careful of the paraphrase. You have to pay attention to the meaning so that you will not explain the different topic. Following that, it is better if you mentioned the cause and solution which you were gonna review in the body paragraph. Its reason is to give a general description. You only need mentioning one or two words about your view.

Turning to the first body paragraph, I think you should say that the cause of increasing the crime is growing the population quickly. It is not exact if its reason is overcrowding. Besides that, you showed your view, but you did not include the strong supporting sentence. You have shown many causes, but those seemed layman's sentences because you did not write strong reasons or relevant examples.

On the other hand, when you displayed the three causes of that matter, you should also offer the three solutions relevant to the problems. Unfortunately, your solutions were less strong. In the good essay, you are supposed to present the supporting sentences to strengthen your opinion.

Hopefully, those can help you
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1. SUA, Sweden and Japan; Proportion of elderly in three different countries. [6]

Hi Ana-Mariana, you actually will get feedback fully so that you attached your picture of what you reviewed. You are only gonna obtain the feedback generally. Firstly, you should merge between your paraphrase of the question and the overview in the first paragraph. My reason is because a good paragraph should have at least 3 sentences. Besides that, you are supposed to play safely. I mean that because you will fight the time when you take the real test, you should write the overview as quick as possible. That element has the high point so that you can tackle with that problem first.

Apart from that, your body paragraphs were less interesting. I said that because you only describe the information like listing the data. You cannot get the high score because you missed the essential clue in the writing task 1. I only remind you that our job in the writing task 1 is comparing figures, not to display the data separately. When you wanna present the data in the diagram, you are supposed to make comparisons. You can do it easily if you can group well. Therefore, before you start writing this, you should analyze the data to know what you explain in each paragraph.

Hopefully, those can finalize your writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / You are a wealthy person who can buy either a house or a company. What would be your choice? [4]

Hi Sandeep
I have read your essay and try reviewing this.

In the first paragraph, you stand out your position. Clearly, you prefer to become an entrepreneur to buying a house. However, you could strengthen your paragraph on condition that you showed the business what you build. Why I say that because you have reviewed the concentration of your business in the second paragraph. Turning to the next paragraph, I think you can remove the last sentence in that paragraph because you have presented an example in the previous sentence.

Following that, you have to pay attention to your grammar. There were a few misplacing for the conjunction. In addition, you have forgotten to place a period in a few complex sentences. Although that is a minor error, it can break your flow in the writing.

Apart from those, I suggest you diminish the fourth paragraph because your prompt only concentrates on benefits of buying the company rather than the house. You don't forget to focus the prompt that has to relate to buying the house.

Overall, your explanation is good.
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing your essay
GOOD LUCK

Undergraduate / A very compelling choice for me. George Washington University Supplemental Essay (Transfer) [6]

Hi Christopher, I have read your writing closely and will try giving you a few suggestion for finalizing your letter.

Actually, readers will know that you have analyzed courses what you learn there. Someone who supervises your letter will understand that you are fascinated to join George Washington University. However, many of your sentences are too complicated. Readers will find a difficulty in meeting what you explained your letter. I suggest you simply a few sentences so that you can guide the readers well for understanding your points in this writing. Besides that, you have not harnessed linking words well to create the good flow. I mean that you directly move from a topic to another topic without a transition word. Based on the aim of this letter, you should communicate the supervisor in this letter so that you are supposed to present the logical flow. Turning to your content, it's a good job. You only need a little improvement.

Hopefully, those can help you
GOOD LUCK for your transfer.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - describe the changes of an island before and after it turned to a resort [6]

Hi Alice, welcome to Essay Forum. This is a useful medium for improving your writing skill so that you harness this as well as possible.

I have read your writing closely and found a few major mistaken. Firstly, you have missed one of essential requirements. Keep in your mind that you have to produce at least 150 words in the writing task 1. A penalty will be given in scoring this writing. I think you can explore more information about the diagram above. After that, you are supposed to arrange your paragraphs systematically. In the first paragraph, that is filled by the paraphrase of the question, and your summary about the information which you are gonna review in the body paragraph. Following this, I remind you that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. I hope you tackle those problems.

Then, you should use the present tense for describing the data because there was a specific period so that this matter is considered as the fact. Turning the specific of your data in the body paragraph, I have met the sense of the writing task 1. As we know, our job in the writing task 1 is to compare two pictures. You have tended to describe the after condition solely although you have to include previous surface.

Hopefully, those suggestions can help you. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / MY IELTS PRACTICE ESSAY ON THE "EXTINCTION" OF SEVERAL LANGUAGES [7]

Hi Pham, welcome to Essay Forum. I really hope you can harness this medium as well as possible.

I have read this closely. There were some mistakes grammatically and contently. Firstly, please you double check your writing before you upload because this writing has had a few errors in verb agreement, singular/plural, and usage of articles. You might think those are the minor errors, but they can reduce your score. Then, avoid using an idiom in the formal writing because you can make your information vague. Perhaps, you wanna show off your ability to the examiner, but that can become a boomerang if it can be not understood by readers. Keep in your mind that your job in writing task 2 in to communicate with the readers, not to impress them. The essential key is how to answer the give prompts and be presented in a logic flow.

Turning to the body paragraph, that seemed that you have knowledge deeply. You did not display your view systematically because you move from a topic to the other topic without a strengthening, even your examples illustrated widely. Keep your pace in the track of the prompts. Unfortunately, the last sentence in the second paragraph did not relate to your topic. I suggest you do brainstorming before you begin writing for deciding what you want to explain. That is an assessment in the indicator "task Response".

Hopefully, you can separate conclude sentence from the body paragraph. I only remind you that the conclusion is the paraphrase of the aforementioned thesis statement. You can also include a suggestion about the matter after the conclusion, but they are in the same paragraph.

I really hope these can help you for finalizing your writing
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The number of UK residents going abroad and overseas residents visiting the UK - IELTS WritingTask 1 [4]

Hi Sehat, I have read your writing. I am gonna try giving you a few suggestions.
Honestly, your first sentence is too long. As we know, we wanna communicate with readers, not to push them down to understand your writing. That seemed screwed up. I tend to agree that it's better if you did not include names of countries whole. That was sufficient on condition that you mentioned


Besides that, you don't the conclusion in the writing task 1 because you are only supposed to summarize the given information. That activity is well-known as making an overview. Therefore, you avoid using words " To sum up, to conclude, in conclusion, so on".

Turning to your overview, that is a good job. However, you can impress the examiner more if you can make it more attractive. I suggest you can convert to a description in the real activity.


IN ANY CASE, CITIZENS OF UK WERE MORE FASCINATED TO TRAVEL TO FRANCE IN 1999.
For you body paragraph, if you wanna a higher score, you need a bravery more for comparing figures directly. The strong key to get the high score in the body paragraph is presenting comparisons.

Hopefully, these can help you to enhance quality of your writing.
GOOD LUCK
^_^

Writing Feedback / The figure illustrates the number of three kinds of fast food eaten by youths in Australia [6]

Hi Sehat, I have read your writing task 1 closely. In this moment, I am gonna offer a few suggestions about your content.
Firstly, you have missed one of requirements for creating a paragraph. Kepp in your mind that the good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Actually, you could place your overview in the first paragraph so that you can meet the requirement. To obtain a higher score, you should ensure that your overview described a smoother information. I mean that you can convert your data into the real information avoiding the word of changes. If you wanna impress the examiners for getting the high score, you create the more overview by using comparison language.

Turning to the body paragraphs, there was an odd thing. The first body paragraph was too long, and another paragraph is short. I think you need learning a grouping technique.Besides that, I only remind you that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not inform the data separately. It will be not appealing. To know about that technique deeply, I highly recommend you for reading more examples of the writing task 1.

Practicing more and more is the key to master this skill. GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The pie charts illustrate how the proportion of annual expenditure was changed in a UK school [4]

Hi Jens, welcome to Essay Forum. I wanna try offering a few suggestion for finalizing your writing.
Firstly, if you wanna paraphrase the given statement, please don't miss from the meaning.


had changed

Following this, you should merge between the first and second paragraph becuase two elements are included in the introductory paragraph. After that, I really believe you can boost your score if you can make your overview better. You need to make it more attractive. For example,

Overall, it is important to note that the school had absolutely located the most budget for earnings of teachers, while the csot for insurance had obtained the smallest part of outlay.

On the other hand, you should keep in your mind that the good paragraph is supposed to include at least 3 sentences. There were many paragpraphs which did not meet the requirement. Turning to your paragraph, your tended to list the data although your job in writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe sepaarately.

Hopefully, these suggestion can help you
Practicing more and more is the way to master this skill.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Our life is very different from this life that our parents and grandparents used to live [4]

Hello Van, welcome to Essay Forum. I am pleased to tell you that you have been a useful medium for improving your written skill. Actually, you can get more feedback about your writing. However, you missed the primary step in this website. When you upload your writing, you are supposed to include the question or prompts about your writing. Reviewers cannot comment fully because they don't what you wanna achieve.

Turning to your contents, you should paraphrase the given statement by using your own words. Its aim is to show a range of your vocabulary. In an IELTS test, this is renowned as the lexical resource. Following this, keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. It relates to coherence and cohesion of your writing.

Apart from that, I suggest you should read and observe examples of academic writing or IELTS writing task 2 because you need understanding deeply about the good structure in writing an essay. We actually can simple this essay into 4 paragraphs. The first paragraph relates to the introduction of your essay. After that, the two next paragraph are known as body paragraphs to elucidate your view. A conclusion paragraph is presented in the last sentence.

Hopefully, my suggestions can be considered for improvement of your writing. GOOD LUCK