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Posts by ichatea07
Name: Annisa Nurul Utami
Joined: Jan 5, 2016
Last Post: Mar 5, 2016
Threads: 27
Posts: 24  
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From: Indonesia
School: Bogor Agricultural University

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ichatea07   
Mar 5, 2016
Scholarship / Self Introduction Essay - Agent of Change on Urban and Regional Planning [9]

... meet new people, improve my interpersonal skill, and made MAKE me an independent person.

Korea is a worthy WORTH A destination to explore.

I believe they IT/THIS/THESE will broaden my knowledge and sharpen my ability to ...

Besides, I have a particular interest in Korea, both its culture, language, and the way governments developed its cities "HERE, YOU CAN EXTEND FURTHER INFORMATION ABOUT THE METHODS THAT ARE USED IN KOREA IN ORDER TO SHOW YOU HAVE PARTICULAR KNOWLEDGE" and maintained its cultural heritages around global modern development.

You could also give simple explanation about some issues that have been solved by Korean governments, particularly those which are similar to Indonesia's problems. This way could visualise your concerns in city development of Korea which ordinary people haven't known.

It would be very beneficial for my daily life and future career opportunities for sure

YOU ARE WELCOME :)
ichatea07   
Feb 29, 2016
Scholarship / Self Introduction Essay - Agent of Change on Urban and Regional Planning [9]

Hello, Isyana! As one of English learners like you do, I would like to help you here. We come from the same country and have almost similar desires to make a contribution. So, let's carry on!

In essence, the content of this essay has been almost perfectly developed. Your interests and motivations have been stated clearly. Nevertheless, in my point of view, you still need to specify the curiosity you have for going to attain master's degree. What you mentioned is too general. Trying to describe a bit in detail what the ordinary people have not known about Republic of Korea's issue and development in city planning might be able increase the assessor's interest in you as a candidate. :) After all, the other ideas are eye-catching, I guess.


I grownGREW up in A democratic family but stillWHICH STILL upholdS the value of manners and etiquette. My late father always encourageD me to be an active, honest, responsible person, and SUGGESTED ME TO never stop learning. I remember he always said that formal education is very important, so you need to seekDISCOVER knowledge as highMUCH as possible. He also told me, however, that learning is not onlyCAN BE DONE NOT MERELY at school, but you may learnLEARNING COULD BE OBTAINED from otherthings around you/ YOUR ENVIRONMENT . Therefore, my parents try to equipped me with what they called 'OBAT' (medicine) which stands for Olahraga (Sports), Budaya (Culture), Agama (Religion), and Teknologi (Technology). I actively participated in various extracurricular(adj. ) ACTIVITIES and courseS , like scouts, youth red cross, choir, Bendera Pusaka Flag Hoisting Troop (or called Paskibraka), student organization, swimming CLUB , taekwondo, andA language course, and other activitiesSO ON . Those activities givesGAVE me MANY opportunitIES to go to someEXPLORE new places, meet new people, improve my soft-skill SOFT SKILLS, and beCOME ing independent. FROM here, I startED to enjoy traveling. (TRAVELLING - BRITISH COMPONENTS, TRAVELING - AMERICAN'S) You use mostly US style, so maintaining consistency is the best. :)

OnIN 2006, I was accepted at one of the best campuses in Indonesia, XXX, majoring in Urban and Regional Planning. It isWAS the first time I liveD apart from my parents. HereSINCE THEN , I HAVE become more often exploring new place/ AREAS , either because of task-related things or just traveled with friends. The more I explore a new place, the more I getting to know more about my country, Indonesia. I got my first job onIN a consultant where I went for internship as a freelancer assistant planner. I have doneUNDERTOOK some spatial/city planning documents, and some infrastructure and management projectSrelated . Later in 2012, I WAS accepted as a staff onIN THE Ministry of XX which is now becomeS Ministry of XXX in Directorate of XXX. AsSINCE I work in this ministry, my awareness about infrastructure provision as a public service has been increased.

Passion in acquiring higher education through studying overseas HAD startED since I was a child, and IT/THIS keepS growing upDEVELOPING influenced by people around me. Influenced byDUE TO my former education and my job, I found myself profoundly interested in Urban and Regional Planning. Unfortunately, its comprehensivenessCOMPELLING MATERIALS/TOPICS narrows my knowledge in eachFOCUSES DOWN TO MORE SPECIALISED aspectS of planning and development. I feel the need to deepen my urban and regional planning comprehension through higher education in A specific program. I realized that Korea is the best choice to pursue my master's degree. Korea has some similaritIES with Indonesia, which both of them WHICH have a THE same independence year and have and has a diversityWIDE RANGE of potential tourism ATTRACTIONS . But nowIN FACT , Korea NOW has advanced intoGREATLY IN BEING A developed country. Its rapid growth in almost all aspectS, including education that standS on the top ranking as A country with the best education system and tourism aspect , that very well manage and developed that giveHAS CREATED Abig / SIGNIFICANT contribution to GDP.

Moreover, Korea provides comfortable environmentS with integrated access toIN public serviceS that would be helpingFUL for me running my daily life as a newcomer AN international student. With its big cities, rural towns and villages, modern and historical architectureS and diversity of culture, Korea is very exciting placeWORTH A DESTINATION to explore. Besides, I have particular interestS on IN Korea, both its culture, language, how KoreaAND THE WAY THE GOVERNMENTS develop its cities and maintain its cultural heritageS despiteAROUND global modern development, and many other things . Thus, IT makes me decide thatSELECT Korea is the best choiceAS THE PLACE to pursue higher skillQUALIFICATIONS to specialize my knowledge and skillS in desired aspectS of Urban and Regional Planning.

Pursuing my Master's degree through KGSP as it offers more educational and cultural experience. KGSP requires its awardees to have a certain degree of Korean proficiency by studyING Korean language before starting the study program. It would be very beneficial for my daily life and future career opportunities for sure, especially on tourism and governmentMUNICIPAL fieldS. Therefore, I apply KGSP in order to haveENLARGE opportunitIES IN pursuing my dream and career plan, so that I can applyIMPLEMENT my knowledge and experience for my hometown and my beloved country, Indonesia. I always tryDO my best to share what I have and I always want to contribute THEM ALLforTO my country. I believe I could be one of the top agentS of change and policy makerS in my country after completing my study.

That's all. Hopefully, this would help.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : what is the role of colours in trade world? and how? [4]

Colours is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour. How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

In this competitive era of marketing products in international trade, many companies use any kinds of strategies to attract consumers through their product features. By this case, most factories try to manipulate colours in their best ways of selling items in order to get successful results. While this is true for its effect to create product images among customers, I suspect this occurs also due to its ability in changing buyers' feeling of a shop.

It is undoubted that colours of a commodity are significant elements for determining people's decisions in buying goods because it can visualise product quality at customer's fist sight. When a consumer find a product with a common colour that indicates natural and quality, that person is more potential to purchase the product. This case can be seen as an example in most people's tendencies in buying yellow bananas instead of deep yellow bananas with black spots around of it as they think these colours show its freshness level and quality.

Colours that are decorated in some places also have considerable effects to manipulate customers that result in purchasing an object. Customers can be easily influenced to change their preferences on choosing expensive products over the cheaper ones by only seeing the materials differently under the light of a bright coloured shop. To illustrate, a sparkling, branded watch in human's thought can be more interesting to be purchased when it is compared with ordinary products under a classical design interior with gold, cream, and light brown on the wallpaper. However, a research finding from consumer science studies in Arizona Univeristy stated that other attributes which include the price, the position where a product is sold, loyalty and the uniqueness of packaging, are more significant determiners in developing people's buying intentions besides a colour factor.

In brief, colours as one of attributes that is undeniable positive to influence the success of marketing could affect people's buying lists through its likelihood to create different emotions of the consumers in designed places. Therefore, consumer should take careful consideration when they decide to purchase something.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The predominant reason why most employees are fond of working is the given salary. [3]

... for theA longer period of time ...
... the salary apparently IS not the only reason why workers ...
... the A comfortable ZONE with the teamwork ...
... is the another reason ...

You had written a really good conclusion I think. I could learn from you. I will make it one good example.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : opinion about an interview stage in selecting next employees [3]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

Nowadays, thousands of manufacturers conduct interview sections to select future worker candidates. However, I would argue that this step that aims at looking for best employees is not suitable since it incompletely illustrates job seekers' capabilities whilst on the stage practical works are possible to cover up this necessity.

Selecting candidates for work cannot be relied merely on job interviews because this way does not completely describe people's ability. The interviewers frequently create subjective assessments to the interviewees which this is unable showing the candidates' excellent practical skills. For example, one company in my area does not operate optimally because all employees were hired via CVs and interviews as they are worse than previous expectations.

In order to avoid obtaining dissapointing results of future employees selection, a factory could add a better strategy to check true ability to work of every candidate which mainly emerges as a test on the spot. Normally, this method is proven in gaining desirable workers because they can adapt and work more effectively like what they did in the real physical test before. Recently, this approach has been chosen to determine the eligilibilty of new employees in Unilever Corporation in Jababeka to ensure the performance capacity of workers suit on the requirements.

To conclude, selecting method by interviewing is discouraged due to its weakness to objectively prove candidates' skills. Otherwise, a direct, monitored test in solving problems relating to techinical work is the best setting to pick up eligible labourers.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Graduate / Personal Statement for Masters of Arts in Interdisciplinary Arts Infusion 1 page [2]

My undergraduate major was through the Individually Thematic Design ...

I am eager to continue to build upon myDEVELOP MY experiences and skills throughBY ENROLLING A graduate coursework

I think it is important, either, to pay attention carefully to the way you type this essay. Overall, the content is really okay, but I find that you use capital letters in inappropriate way here. As far as I know, the capital ones can be used merely for describing an abbreviation or names of places or a person.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : what if the industries are moved to rural regions? [2]

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, a huge number of industrial countries plan to relocate industrial corporations from cities to countrysides. Regarding to this issue, this writing will illustrate the advantage of this municipal decision that could reduce negative emissions on nature, yet it is still below a serious negative impact of it which threatens economy condition of a nation.

Allocation of many industries in diverse sectors will benefit the environment of a metropolitan city. Industrial matters are frequent to emit dangerous chemical substances into the air, thus by doing this movement into rural regions which are still natural and not very crowded, pollutants from great machines of factories could be cut down to minimise its effects on urban ecosystems. The illustration can be seen in Japan which mostly positions huge industries like Sony, Panasonic, or Toshiba in outskirt zones, such as Hokkaido. Thereby, the positive sides of it shows that Tokyo as a capital city faces minimum trouble associated with environments.

The placement of manufacturing in tranquil areas can result in a serious drawback for the industry. These factories although are planned to be placed in wider spaces, usually witness hardships to maintain workers' productivity due to their time consumptions in transportation and to hire a huge number of new employees who mostly dwell in cities in order to gain higher salaries. This arrangement in business planning has been actualised in the Netherlands and the USA as the public officers assume that moving large factories will cause significant deficits on national development. Therefore, I would argue that positions of a factory in a metropolis are more encouraged to keep economic equilibrium since the resulted residues are possibly managed well with eco-production.

In essence, although the effect of relocation can decrease environmental issues of a country, the importance of accessibility of industries to their workers obviously outweighs that such a demerit due to its influences in national economical development.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Illustration of the statistical information about the poor people in Australia in 1999 - IELTS Task1 [2]

The given table illustratedS the statistical information of the poor in Australia in 1999.

Distinguishing all the families into six types, the table providedS the proportions and the amountsNUMBER of the people living in poverty (you've stated it in the starting point, I think you could change it with pronoun or other phrases ) with respect to (what do you mean through this word? ) different types.

It would be better if you provide overall view before describing the data in detail.
Let's learn more IELTS systematical structures by carefully understanding various writing samples.You can make it, buddy! :D
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Is it the right choice to place smokers in open areas rather than in public places? [2]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

As years become more stressful sometimes, many people decide smoking as their escapes to release thoughtful and complicated minds. Thus, this trend is now popular among mankind. However, a lot of countries discourage it and provide outdoor zones to allow smokers light their cigars. In this case, I agree that banning smoking can be justified since it surely has tendencies to threaten health status and destroy buildings with fire.

Smoking has various adverse effects on human's health status. This illegal behavior can worsen the quality and endurance of human's metabolism, cells and several vital organs in body, including the effect for passive victims that can be formed as a cancer. The World Health Organisation has campaigned in several times the action of anti-cigarette in many parts of the world by showing the truth of negative outcomes from smoking for passive smokers. Regards to this, I totally agree that in order to minimise the disadvantages of cigarette consumption among people who exposes its residue, every country should prohibit smoking in public areas.

A decision to smoke is a little destructive start of greater upcoming disasters which threaten people's comfort and safety. The lit cigars are potential to burn many objects that are fragile of fire. As what news reported in PosKota Indonesia, many gasoline stations and traditional markets had been burnt drastically until disable to be operated again due to a little light of fire in a thrown cigar. Therefore, that is a wise policy to illegalise smoking in public and facilitate the smokers with smoking spots.

To conclude, positioning smoking in the right place such as open air zones is encouraged since it could increase risks to other people's health and burn destructively many environments.
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Teaching children painting or other practical subjects is a good strategy. IELTS 2 [2]

I like your idea in illustrating the practical issues in society regarding to art world at school, but I think few refinements are still needed to open up chances to achieve higher score opportunities. I would like to help you correcting some mistakes here and give you some advises. Hopefully, these could help.

This is because skills, WHICH ARE required in both of them, cannot be grasped in short / QUICK meetingS like what is practiced in ...

I personally experienced toIN sendINGmy untalented younger sistersMY YOUNGER SISTER WHO IS BASICALLY INCAPABLE OF CREATING ADMIRABLE ARTWORKS in drawing school as her extracurricular activitiesY . However, after 2 years learning basic techniqueS , she does not show any significant improvementS and her drawing / CREATION quality does not satisfyIS LESS SUFFICIENT to goALLOW HER STEPPING UP TOin the upper level.

ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : agreement or disagreement towards art at school as an important subject to focus [3]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today's generations mostly think that artworks are not suitable to be in class. In my opinion, I admit it is true because children have different talents based on their inherited skills although learning to deepen comprehension in art are potential to determine children's ability to value artistic goods.

It is believed that joining art classes at school for children is justified to be preferable because natural talents which symbolize creativity that are not only drawing and painting. Mankind were born with a wide range of aptitude, so when a child is forced to enter art school in which she lacks of confidence, she will get down and feel useless. A similar case was ever found in the observation of 40 toddlers with sport talents in the Netherlands' preschool which revealed that stressful states were detected in 78% of samples when they had to sit down in art class for 3 hours. Therefore, I suppose that children are supposed to have freedom to choose on what talents they would like to develop at school.

Meanwhile, a large number of people have contradict views about this issue as they argue that learning to paint and draw at school can improve children's sense of aesthetics. The children will be able to learn valuing an artistic object if they ever experience the difficulties of conceiving and creating art. In the future, in order to decorate the kid's house to make it beautiful, the kid will be easier to plan himself the design of house that they want. Regardless of it, I strongly believe that people's unique aptitude must be respected since they are children, so art should not become compulsory learning material for kids.

In summary, although art will help people to develop later sense of beauty, I would argue that art courses should be excluded as obligatory subjects at school since children have rights to choose their favorite foci to learn.
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Attending university is very common nowadays. The reasons vary from people to people. [2]

Some want to gain knowledge, some want to experience new things, some wants high status and some seek for knowledge. "this sentence has been mentioned in the beginning of your example "

EACH MAJOR of the A university has placement system WHICH is very helpful. "You don't need to add a point before 'which' as it still describes a previous object. "

Besides that, the university gives us knowledge. "I think this one is too general because school and book also offers knowledge, right? I am sure you can specify it more detail. " ... That`s why people intended to get admitTEDTO STUDY in the university. FOR EXAMPLE , one of my friends couldn`t find a job.
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / What you expect to gain from you participation and influence on major pursuing? Summer program essay [3]

A summer program for high school studentS helps them toget/ GAIN knowledge about their future majorSWHICH they are interested to get in.

... to see that most of the best colleges in THE United States are offering high school studentS to attend A summer program where they can get to know / ACQUIRE MUCH INFORMATION about theVARIOUS KINDS OF majors before getTING into the CHOSEN university/college.

I have always HAVE an interest in engineering as my father was an engineer and he always influenced ME on science ScienceTHAT MAINLY deals with the discovery of unknown facts through experimentALPROJECTS and observation.

ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Is money the one most substantial factor to determine working poductivity for employees? [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

In this cutting-edge 20th century, many people argue that financial intensives are the most influential to enhance people's working tenacity in the same workplace year to year. In this case, I believe that this occurs since money is related to basic needs and able to be achieved only if they are in more executive status.

It is commonly argued that money is a vigorous, positive force due to fundamental needs that should be satisfied in order to survive in life, so that everybody has to work to ensure the availability of daily meals and housing facilities. In England, home economic studies of Bristol University in 1998 had shown that most workers in three major manufacturers valued incomes as the most influential factor on the dynamic of work motivations. Undoubtedly, I would admit that money is an unparalleled positive reinforcement at work as it helps people to meet daily basis.

In professional life, higher income growth can happen when a employee succeeds to be promoted in achieving better position. For this reason, the majority of workers compete to be positioned in the upper level at work, and eventually it results in rising level of their motivation to perform desirably. By the end of year 2012, management business related survey of Bandung Institute of Technology informed that the level of performance quality among Ultra Jaya Corporation managers rose by 20% while the selection of next general manager was being conducted. On the contrary, other factors are assessed capable of influencing intention to do jobs which include adding up working experiences and personal circumstances outside workplace.

For the aforementioned reasons, I believe money's power to determine working performances is caused by its function to reach primary needs in life and its connection with promotion to the next levels.
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / When you study, what is the best way to do it? Is it in groups or alone? [2]

... like someone yawning, a chair squeaking, or just simply your friends startING TO talking about a different AN OUT OF CONTEXT subject and that will be the end of THIS WILL END UP TO A revision

It also helps because it helps you become more independent and more organized.

For example, your friends are fast learners and you are not. IN THIS SITUATION, then they COULD speed up TO MEMORIZE, WHILE at you will SEEM TO forget about everything MANY PONITS that you HAVE tried to remember.

By the way, what is the aim in writing this essay? Perhaps, you could tell us as it can give you some tips regarding the rules of each different type of writings. After all, you topic and explanation, I think, are interesting to read.
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : which one is better between childcare services or grandparenting programme for children? [4]

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this competitive period of time, most working parents trust childcare businesses to look after their children, whilst others contradicts this view and tend to pick grandparents to undertake parenthood. Whereas elderly people had gained many experiences in upbringing youngsters, I believe that the option regarding child centre provides theoretical-based techniques through their staff in caring for children.

Several people who agree with a statement to keep their kids in grandmother's house normally think that the children will be well-maintained by grandparents as they know how perfectly their parents took care of them in many years. The grandmothers and grandfathers had known the best way to deal with children from a long time, and they impossibly endanger their own grandchilds, thus parents put their trusts on them to look after their children. This view sometimes is a wise choice based on an article in Parenting Magazine as the grandparents can cooperate effectively about on which food the kids have an allergy and how to calm them when the kids get tempered. Having said that, a study by the year 2000 in Cornell University reported that grand-parenting mostly practise an indulgent version of parenting that brings negative outcomes to children later.

Children of career mothers will gain better parenthood if they are put in a day care for its fully trained staff. All workers in a child centre has a mandatory task to enter training services from their workplace so as to guarantee them to be best carers for the babies and toddlers, so these staff will know about some effective practical tips to nurture the children to have well-developed brain and behaviour in the future. This strategy is highly recommended by National Child Centre in America as it will help parents to optimise their kids' golden ages even though they do not involve on earlier parenting. Therefore, I personally argue that considering a childcare service is better option to bring up children after parents who actualise caring duty themselves.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both placing children to be raised predominantly by grandparents in parental working families and keeping the children in a certified and qualified day care facility, but I am positive that the outcomes of child centre services are more positive instead of grand-parenting.
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'Ecosystem has a balance between predators and preys' GRE ISSUE on protecting endangered species [4]

Every species that areIS presentED / LIVES on THE planet Earth, serves a purpose. With the development of humankind, it has created a concern of eN dA ngered species

more and more areaS of forest are encroached upon.

IN ORDER TO feed more population, more agricultural field is required. Each year forest cover on land is decreasing, and is being converted into agricultural land.

I think your ideas have been very brilliant in giving this response, however, it doesn't mean you can reduce your attention to show grammatical accuracy in your English writings, especially I found the mistakes are common in article placement 'the, of, a, in'. If you could go thru this matter, you will be assessed as advanced in English. Keep fighting!

... a need of society to work upon theirill willPOSSIBILITIES TO ILLNESS

There is a set OF food chain among species,

ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : suitable responses for treating the addicts of drugs [2]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

In today's era, many societies in various nations apply laws for narcotic addicts by sending them into jails, while others think medical facilities that are focused on healing drug addictions are suitable because the users are also recognised in sickness.

A number of communities who agree to imprison narcotic addicts think that this way can reduce their potentials to consume it again. In the jail, these illegal-material consumers will overcome loneliness and unpleasant atmosphere which enable them to reflect of what they did in the past, thus it has a possibility to cleanse their thoughts to do those risky behaviours. As it happens, a recent study from Social Department of the United States informs that a prison is reliable to vanish addicts' intention to take illegal drugs in the future. Nonetheless, I personally argue that imprisoning the addicts is insecure and painful for them as they stop consuming the drugs in the lockup, so that this solution is discouraged to be applied.

In reverse, several people realise that the problem of drug addiction can be solved carefully and efficiently by keeping the addicts into a rehabilitation centre because this way is safer medically. Rehabilitation as one of public services has a supportive roles to heal the effects of narcotics within bodies and clear objectives with rational strategies to solve the problem. For instance, people in rehabilitation with drug usage background will be treated and monitored regularly by the staff, thus it will make the patients cured quickly rather than locking them up in the prison. Besides, it is proven as more successful way to halt the sufferers' willingness to consume the drugs. Therefore, I would admit that this such remedy will be more appropiate to apply due to its concerns on physical conditions of the drug users.

To sum up, I believe that rehabilitation is preferable to be chosen to cure illegal drug consumers because it takes into account the treatment of reducing addiction illness harmlessly though locking up them in jails can produce initiatives to ponder their last fatal misbehaviours.
ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : opinions about children contribution in working experiences [3]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In these ages and days, a great number of countries in the world permit children to be employed in paid jobs. Whilst this engagement is believed potential to reduce children's interests to pursue educational background, I would argue that this opportunity could train more children's skill with its experiences to be more efficient in careers.

It is mainly believed that child labour is a wrong way to treat children because it can lower their chances to enroll education up to universities. Education aspect has a serious focus to be undertaken such as it requires a certain degree of time to enter lectures, do assignments, and discuss topics with friends. This argument is supported by a study in China that 1,300 people lost opportunities to join formal education as they no longer have intention to do it, and the regulation of schools have banned them due to the applicants' ages. However, allowing children to get jobs at young ages will enable them to have better performances at work as they learn to work earlier compared with graduates of a university.

By contrast, positive responses from public regarding working children issue bring one inevitable reason in which they admit that children will obtain work experiences more greatly than workers who spent time to study ahead before joining a company. That kind of experiences proves their abilities in showing professionality and skilful teamwork building. For instance, since the later adults from laboured children have learned how to operate knitting machines or packaging in a manufacturer from several years before, this makes them used to do that workload, and then the products they work on will be finished in seconds. Therefore, I believe that having worthy job experiences is encouraged as it increase future employees' skills and readiness to get into working life.

In essence, even though children will possibly witness decreased motivation to continue study and it comes to be unjustified, participating in actual job matters is precious enough to be obtained for its results in accelerating their preparation to face workplace and job-related duties. Hence, a careful consideration should be undertaken by any stakeholders which can determine new generations' level of chances to take apart in occupation even in young ages.
ichatea07   
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / PRODUCTION PROCESS OF FROZEN FISH PIES - several machines and equipment involved [2]

The diagrams illustrate the production process of frozen fish pies in a company. The first image displays the contains of a ready-to-serve fish pie, whereas the second one explains about all of the steps in manufacturing. Overall, it is important to note that there are four main ingredients within the pie which consist of peas, fish, sauce, and potatoes. In addition, in the production line, three major parts of the process are delivering, mixing, and packaging.

Firstly, in order to operate the manufacture, several machines and equipment will be necessary. By far, at least two trucks in distribution process, sliding machines to transfer the components, and other supportive robots will be used until the products are ready to be stored in a freezer.

Before the process of cooking begins, as the start, two trucks will send potatoes and fish to the factory. the potatoes delivery has a maximum duration to be delivered one month. After that, the potatoes will enter cleaning, peeling, and slicing units. Next, those will be boiled, chilled, and kept till they are ready to be mixed with other materials. In treating fish, the process of fish distribution service to salting the salmon will take time about 12 hours or less. Then, these fish will be removed for its bones and skin, checkčd by an inspector, and added with peas and sauce. Until this step, the potatoes and fish will meet and be wrapped properly. Finally, this signs that the product s have been well-prepared to be stored in the freezer.




ichatea07   
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: The choice of study style can determine people's further achievements [2]

studying together bringS more advantages for the pupils

students can learn more effectiveLY if ...

both ways because THIS WAY COULD UNITE ALL they will get more benefits OFFERED

To sum up, it is clear that both of the study styles LEARNING METHODS bring very different benefits for student so that THE combination of this THESE two styles ...

This way will helps them to effectively achieve their best performance.

ichatea07   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts 2 : The advantages of supervision equipments that outweigh the disadvantages in society. [2]

Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and dong (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras.). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In this modern ages, many experts succeed in inventing brand new technologies to global society. The existence of machines than can record human's behaviour has been applied in many sectors in life. These devices are possible to supervise people's words and actions, such as via a mobile phone or a security camera. In fact, those who are monitored mainly do not notice the the monitoring activity is happening. In this case, I believe that there are plenty of advantages in utilising these applications which are greater than the demerits that will come.

For many certain reasons, some users of the aforementioned gadgets commit to use these tools. There are two main benefits of using these materials. Firstly, the equipment can show evidences of accidental moments in a particular place accurately. This can be seen, for example, in the instalment of CCTVs within several mini markets. If there is a thief taking a product, the counter officers can easily notice and then claim what they see to the robber. Secondly, in a company, this device can visualise the quality of some employees in working. The employers can adjust what the punishment will be in a proper way after they catch the mistakes of these employees at work.

Despite all beneficial sides, there is one major drawback of the usage of monitoring tools. This stuff is able to reveal people's privacy which should be respected and hidden. Sometimes, this situation will threat te group of observed people. Others may misuse those people's secrets so as to gain profitable outcomes from the actions. Obviously, this contradicts the law relating to social norms and human's rights. Therefore, using a detector to see others' acts has a disadvantage.

In summary, I would argue that although the drawback of monitor stuff exists, human beings will gain more benefits by installing it in some right places, such as to guarantee the security of an area.
ichatea07   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : annual data of travellers of three popular airports in New York (1995-2000) [2]

The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.
A breakdown of the number of annual passengers in three distinctive airports which are substantial in New York during a 5-year period starting from 1995 to 2000 is represented in the bar graph. The most important to note is that all of the considered airports, namely John F. Kennedy, LaGuardia, and Newark witnessed a respective rise over the period.

At the beginning of the rates. LaGuardia gained the most immense number of travellers with total roughly 35 million in 1995, whilst Newark's visitors were detected as the fewest among the three, at below 20 million of people. In the end of the period, 2000 experienced almost similar ratios in those two flight areas, yet both figures doubled to just under 70 million in LaGuardiaand slightly higher than 40 million passengers in Newark. Along the alteration, Newark airport had been clarified as stable at that number since 1998.

Unlike those mentioned airports, John F. Kennedy airport fluctuated over the five years of data collection. By 1995, there were more than 25 million visitors who entered that airport. After that, in the next two years, total guests inclined significantly by almost a half of 1995's figure, about 48 million. Then, a considerable decrease occurred until 1999before the data indicated the emergence of an upward trend of 40 million beyond that of Newark.




ichatea07   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : IS JUDGING PERSONALITY FROM CLOTHES RIGHT TO BE JUSTIFIED? [3]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Today's thousands of mode represent that people in the world become more concerned in their style of clothing. Regarding to this, several people believe that human's wardrobe is the best tool to indicate someone's characteristic. Otherwise, I personally believe that it is wrong to describe everyone's personality by seeing only to clothes that are being worn.

Supporters who think of the clothes function in detecting human's characteristics mainly argue for some references for that statement. One reference explains that colours can express a general view of a man. For example, bright colours are popular with a person who is cheerful and happy-go-lucky. By contrast, dark sensation, such as grey, brown, and black, are related to a group of people who are mysterious and cool. Another reference of these judges shows that people's neat tidiness in wearing costumes could visualise their responses towards rules in a particular environment. Those, who are neat, are acknowledged excellent in keeping obedience.

On the other side, I would argue that it is unfair to merely consider clothes to judge others' personality. The reason for this is human's character is determined by abstract components, such as behaviours, habits, and thoughts. These things regenerate from heredity, knowledge, and experiences. To illustrate, it is common to misjudge a person who is good looking and diligent, but behind all his shown characteristiccs, he likes to drink alcohol and shout out in his parents' faces. Besides, inner factors are more appropiate to be responsible on this case. Therefore, this proves that it is not that simple to judge people's personality by assessing their appearance.

In essence, even though some people tend to conclude main points of others' personalities through their clothes, it is obvious that several factors are more significant in illustrating people's characters. I suggest that society should change their ways to predict characteristics from clothes.
ichatea07   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pattern of hybrid cars sale (2006-2008) was dominated by USA, while Japan controlled year 2009. [5]

... and other countries DURING A 3-YEAR PERIOD from 2006 to 2009.
... vehicles in 2009 was virtually double OF thenumber of that in 2006's FIGURES.

... period of time witnessed A similar pattern, which ...
... sold slightly above 50,000 transportation AUTOMOBILES. 2007 saw the largest sales by THE US, which was 300,000. However, in the next year(,) this number was smaller (THAN? Because it is a comparative sign, you need to put the other resukts), and meanwhile Japan ...

Turning to the one with A different pattern, in 2009(,) Japan sold THE most GREATEST number of hybrid transport, which was UP TO aPproximately 325,000 units.
ichatea07   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / With the exception in 2009, The US had the highest sale number of hybrid transportation [4]

Overall, it can obviously be seen that ...

This general statement can be enlarged more to explain total changes and what was generally happening in other countries.

The highest could be substituted with other superlative words, such as the greatest, the most preferred, the most popular, and so on.

o 325,000 in the last year, END OF THE PERIOD.

Besides, remember to carefully select words regarding to its collocation, like when you may tell as a growth of a trend.
ichatea07   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : rates of petrol consumption as per incomes characteristics in the US and the UK [4]

The line graph compares the percentage of the use of gasoline within two different nations, namely the United States and the United Kingdom, that are categorised by economy status of their own national citizens. Overall, it is noticeable that USA's inhabitants who are identified as the poor spend greater amount of their incomes than the rich do. This trend is the opposite of a rating pattern which is witnessed by the UK population.

To begin, people in poverty in the United States allocate approximately 4% or more of their salaries to consume fuels as they need to drive every day. The highest percentage among this category is the use of petrol until above 5% of earning. In addition, middle-income earners in this country use about four to five per cent of their money to purchase petroleum in driving activities. The consumption rates then fall in the group of wealthy population. Those who are in prosperity merely spend between 2.5% and 3.9% of their whole incomes.

On the reverse, poor society in the UK is the smallest group who utilises fuels according to its proportion in petrol usage. Their allocations are below 1% to nearly 3%, whilst people in the UK who raise medium level of incomes use about 3-4% of the money to fill up their daily transports. Likewise, prosperous community also prioritises their earnings in that interval. However, it begins from different starting point, 3.5%, as the smallest proportion.




ichatea07   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : CAREER RELATIONSHIP AMONG WORKERS - officers' responses [4]

The pie charts elucidate the percentage of officers' responses as per official relationships either with monitors or working partners in their own companies. Two investigations in separated years collected the data which were taken in 2005 and 2009.

In essence, it is clear that one type of responses within both graphs had been excluded which were no answer in the first chart and shallow relationships in the second one. Furthermore, it can be seen that most respondents predominantly addressed to have very good connections over the years of consideration.

As a starting point, in 2005, officers who stated that their interactions with supervisors went very well stood at 61 percent, and this figure inclined slightly to just under three-quarter of 100%. Likewise, 2009 also experienced a considerable rise to 70 percent in very good cooperative relationship with other workers. Afterwards, similar trends also exist in good relationships among two work-related communications that were shown in its each decreasing number to below a quarter with monitors and exactly 25% with partners at work.

Companies which did not involve the contribution of a supervisor rose a bit by 4% when respondents, who revealed not having a co-worker, went up very slightly to 2%. Moreover, in other options, poor relationships between workers and supervisors remained constant virtually at 2% over the survey times, while fair interactions of it witnessed a small decrease by 2%. Otherwise, fair interactions with working partners fell significantly to 3 percent.
ichatea07   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Entrepreneur or worker? What are the benefits and the drawbacks of it? [3]

SOME PEOPLE DECIDE TO START THEIR OWN BUSINESS INSTEAD OF WORKING FOR A COMPANY OR ORGANISATION. DO THE ADVANTAGES FOR PEOPLE WHO WORKING FOR THEIR OWN BUSINESS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

In today's world, economical needs has been people's priority to survive in life. Thus, most inhabitants compete with each other to find the best work for themselves. In other words, an occupation that can guarantee the amount of money they earn will be more than enough for them. relating to this, some decide to build a company or organisastion themselves rather than being employees of others' factories. To a certain degree, I argue that more positive impacts are attainable instead of exposing its drawbacks.

To start with, there are plenty of merits on committing to create a self-company which can improve someone's quality of life. First of all, starting a personal business in an area means providing more job vacancies to society. That way, the owner indirectly helps his homeland to reduce unemployment rates for a particular time. Differently, looking for a job to be an officer will only make people become dependent which will enlarge threat forces to come if a country witnesses an inflation. Secondly, a founder can train his creativity to design products which follow his passion. mainly, this will give him greater self-satisfaction when at the same time he can also determine his own earning to achieve higher profits. For instance, women who love clothes designing could establish their boutiques which enable them directly to do passion everyday. Meanwhile, a worker can only follow the instruction of a factory where he works. No fun action can be done in that condition, except their regular workloads. in another case, an illustration about money that entrepreneur gets can be seen in a CEO's income compared to his employees salaries for a month.

Apart from it, demerits in starting a business still exist. The most noticeable drawback is a new
ichatea07   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: process of a wind turbine and its locations [2]

The images represent the systematic scheme of a windmill structure and its usual positions that are categorised into three different spots. It is noticable that a wind turbine includes three fibreglass or wooden blades, a wind sensor, a generator, and one high pole which supports the blade frame to stand.

At first, the process of electricity generation within a windmill starts from the air movement that comes towards its propeller. This motion will be detected afterwards so as to identify its speed and direction by a sensor attached near the blades. This substantial part will send the information about the wind to a computer which is located in an office by the wind turbine. Its main aim is to adjust the direction and angle of its blades. Afterwards, the spinning motion of the turbine will produce electricity with output up to 1.5 megawatts.

In addition, in order to gain optimal operations of electricity generator from wind, windmills could possibly be placed in three distinctive areas. First place for this turbine is to shore it up under the shallow sea water. This benefits the land to prevent it from disturbance. Another option is positioning the machine on the top of a hill that enables it to expose maximum wind forces. Moreover, the last choice could be next to a house that has a meaning to resize the windmill to a smaller one. This is normally called as a domestic turbine that is capable of creating electricity till 100 kilowatts.




ichatea07   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Leaking in and out of air inside a house [NEW]

The figure displays air circulation either it comes in or comes out of a 2-floor house through various holes and rifts that are available in the house and influence the heat loss and energy wasted inside. Overall, air from the outside enters the house merely through every crack in the ground floor and first floor. Otherwise, energy consumption of the air can be seen from the air which flows away out of the house in the rooftop.

The process of leaking air involves many features and appliances. In the base level, a dryer vent near a washing machine and two middle-sized windows are the tools that take part in the process. In the first level, more stuff allows the air to enter the house, including electrical outlet, a big window, a kitchen fan vent, and some rifts in the main door and walls. It also flows into from an outdoor faucet that is attached to a crawl space. This air motion creates normal temperature to emerge in the house which occurred in the basement, toilet, kitchen, and living room.

Turning to the reverse process, air in the house leaks out from recessed lights in the kitchen and toilet. Also, it gets out through a fan vent in the bathroom and an attic hatch in the living room. This makes energy released from the house, such as heat as the residual of fireplace.




ichatea07   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: ELECTRONIC MEDIA IS A THREAT TO HUMAN PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP [2]

The use of electronic media ha s a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In the developed technology era, new media-related inventions have helped people to do their regular communication, such as the emergence of portable computers or mobile phones. Nevertheless, I admit that electronic devices can bring a demerit on personal interaction among the users.

to begin, those who contradict with the negative impact of electronic stuff normally realise that more advantages can be obtained anyway by utilising it. Firstly, most advanced media that work electronically creates many opportunities for people to communicate across long distances. To illustrate, two best friends can still keep in touch although they are living in different continents at the same time. Next, the frequency of interaction can also incline due to the invention of portable gadgets. People are possible to carry mobile phones anywhere nowadays, so their communication would be more intensive with their relatives.

Conversely, I believe that a threat can incur to the interpersonal relationships because of those electricity-based media, such as smartphones and tablets. the reason of this is that electronic gadgets, that allow people to access the internet wherever they are, will make the users tend to capture attentions only to their virtual interactions within every gadget they are using. The illustration for this could be the lower intention of users to have a conversation with a person next to them. This can occur inside a family when all members become busy with the media, ignoring spending time together to have a chit-chat at home. It leads to the worsening action of direct communication. Therefore, it will endanger interpersonal relationships among people.

In conclusion, while some people agree that benefits are provided greatly by electronic media, others are certain of the drawback of those media in personal relationships like hindering people from open communication. In this case, today's generation then has to bend with any challenges that exist as the result of media of electronic usage despite all positive sides offered.

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