Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Cinema visitors description in the Great Britain in 2 decades [3]

A breakdown of the information about cinema audiences based on the group of age in the Great Britain between 1990 and 2010 is illustrated in the line chart. The data is measured in the proportion of age groups. Overall, it can be generally seen that, amidst some fluctuations, the viewers of all age groups rose from the beginning to the end of the period.

With regards to the age group between 44-45 and 34-44, both of them were the two largest proportions. By the end of the period, they indicated a virtually identical level. 1990 witnessed their similarity, between 37 and 35 percent successively. Then, there was a slight jump in the year of 2000 for them. On the other hand, between 2005 and 2010, the percentage of two age groups experienced a sharp growth in which they covered more than a half percentage for the age of 44-54 and the age of 34-44, at approximately 34%.

Concerning to the rest parts, the age groups between 14-24 and 24-34 had virtually similar trend. The percentage of people viewing movie in the first aspect started at roughly 14 as the tiniest proportion, whereas another was up to 25 percent. From 1995 to 2005 witnessed an identical fluctuation. Eventually, they remained unchanged until the end of the period at nearly 21 and 34 proportion respectively.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Whether crime prevention should be done or not. [3]

Many people are too scared to leave their home because of a fear of crime.
Some people think that more should be done to prevent crime, whereas others feel that nothing can be done.

What are your views?

Crime is developing rapidly these days. It causes many folk are too frightened to leave their house due to the fact that they are terrified of crime. This triggers the society to think that more actions should be done to impede misdeed, while some other individuals believe that they can do nothing regarding to this issue. Therefore, I would argue that crime prevention is fruitful in reducing the rate of crime.

With regards to the people who think that nothing can be done, they basically believe that averting crime is pointless. It is because people still have tendency to commit a crime. For instance, it is usually the folk who think that their financial condition is lower than others. As a consequence, crime still exists and happens. This leads to a conclusion that impeding a crime is the vain acts.

However, concerning to other individuals who believe that more prevention should be implemented to avert crime, they generally think that this is because the current impediment is not adequate to decrease the crime rate. Thus, they believe that the action such as adding more police in the streets yields profound effect in declining the crime levels. As a result, illegal acts will be drained. Thus, more aversion proved to be effective in lowering the average crime rate.

In conclusion, the cause of many inhabitants are terrified to go outside of their home is because of crime. It influences the people's thought in which they believe that more prevention are necessary to be done to avert crime rate, while some folk believe that they only do fruitless action in eradicating the crime. Henceforth, I firmly believe that averting the crime can lead to a reduction in the levels of crime. In addition, I recommend that the official should confer more preventive acts in the future.

Writing Feedback / The chronological stages order on how frozen fish pies are manufactured. [2]

A description of the information about the production of frozen fish pies is illustrated in the diagrams. The frozen pies have four main ingredients. Overall, it can be seen that, despite showing the main ingredients, it mentions the chronological order on how frozen fish pies are manufactured.

To begin, the four main ingredients in the container which is microwaveable consists of peas, fish, sauce, and potato. It is started with the process of selecting potatoes which are aged up to one month are cleaned and peeled in the waste disposal. After that, those potatoes are sliced, boiled, and then chilled before it is inserted in the store.

Turning to fresh salmons, it has to be delivered in twelve hours or less, and then the salmons are poured by lemon juice and salt. In the next step, the fish are put in steam oven, while after it is done, some workers remove its skin and bones. The boneless and skinless fish then inspected and selected carefully by an inspector. Eventually, potato, peas, and prepared sauce are mixed together with the salmon fish then it is wrapped, before it is gone through a huge refrigerator and dispatched inside the box.

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Writing Feedback / Smoking triggers the society to think that governments should forbid it, especially in public spots [2]

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Cigarette is always considered as a harmful matter due to their dangerous chemical substances which existed in it. This makes some individuals think that governments should ban smoking, particularly in public places, because it can hurt others. Thus, I firmly disagree with the idea of prohibiting smoking in public spots because governments have already implemented a solution regarding to this issue.

With regards to some folks who agree with the notion of banning smoking in public locations, they generally believe that the smoke which caused by smoking has the possibility to injure others. It is because inhaling the smoke can cause serious disease, for instance, lung cancer and tuberculosis. As a result, people are terrified with smokers. Therefore, the act of smoking in public spots should be prohibited for the sake of the non-smoker health.

However, the hazardous substances on a cigarette are undeniably existed. Yet, for some people who disagree with the idea of prohibiting smoking in public points, they think that the governments have already settled a solution for this particular case by establishing a smoking-area in certain public locations. For example, smoking-area is already existed in some department stores, train stations, and airports. As a consequence, non-smoker people do not worry about the vicious risk of inhaling smoke from smokers. Hence, making smoking in public places become illegal is unnecessary due to the fact that governments have controlled them.

In conclusion, smoking is always linked to dangerous act in which it is not only jeopardized the smokers, but also other people who do not smoke. It triggers the society to think that governments should forbid smoking, especially in public spots. Henceforth, I extremely disagree with the notion of making smoking prohibited in public places since governments have already taken immediate action by building a smoking-area to protect others. In addition, I hope in the future people should not be afraid anymore.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Youth crime rate is increased dramatically. What can we give as the solutions? [2]

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.
What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions!

In recent years, many cities around the world have seen alarming increases in the levels of juvenile crime. This is because the affection of parents is declining and media manipulates the young people. I would argue that there are some solutions to overcome this problem such as getting help from police officers and giving socialization to parents in schools.

With regard to the reasons of why youth crime is significantly increased, there are two main reasons. Firstly, it is because parents' affection is declined. This makes the teenagers feel lack of affection from his or her parents which then make them attract attention from another source. For example, young people who have less affection from their parents will get attention from their friend instead. This results to a shift in the way they behave, because of not all of them are nice persons. Secondly, media is also play a big role in increasing the crime rate. This is because media nowadays are lack of prevention in which mostly they show violence like murder, fighting, and robbery carelessly. As a result, they tend to imitate what happen in the media even it is bad or good, they cannot measure that.

However, every problem always has some solutions. Then, there are two core solutions to reduce the high crime rate in young people. First of all, people should get help from police officers, if they find a vandalism or violence done by teenagers, immediately. For example, when teenagers damage the public property or do some graffiti at walls, the people who see it should call the police. This results in a decline of juvenile crime rate which also good for the society as a solution. Second of all, parents should get socialization, such as in schools or in the neighborhood, about the current issue about youth crime rate. This can create a good awareness of parents in helping reducing the crime. Consequently, the crime rate will be reduced significantly.

In sum, several factors have led to increases in youth crime, but measures are available to tackle this problem. It is because parents' devotion is dropping and media also manipulates the teenagers. Thus, the aforementioned evidence reveals that, some solutions are available and recommended which I believe that will be good for society. I hope in the future, these solutions can really be applied in the society worldwide.

Writing Feedback / TASK 2 - A discussion about Sense of Competition and Sense of Cooperation [2]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged.
Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both views and give own opinion.

It is assumed that competitive sense in children should be supported more than cooperative sense. In this case, unfortunately, sense of competition makes children see that earning high grades will be more important than actual learning. Meanwhile, sense of cooperation, in fact, actually makes them learn important cooperative social skills that they will need later in their working lives. Therefore, I extremely believe that encouraging cooperative sense is the recommended course of action.

With regard to the sense of competition, some people believe that it should be encouraged because the children's score in class will be improved. In addition, competitive sense makes students believe that achieving high grades such as achieving 'A' score on Math or English will be much more valuable than the process of learning like making mistakes and solving math equation. As a result, this might hamper children's mental behavior, neglecting others, and become selfish person. Consequently, competitive sense in children is not suggested.

However, the reason why I do not believe that competitive sense is better than sense of cooperation is, in fact, cooperative sense gives more important cooperative social skills in which they will possibly need in their future such as working cooperatively with others and having discussion to reach a consensus. As a consequence, this actually benefits not only for the children but for the society who lives or works with them. Finally, it is firmly accepted by the common sense that cooperative sense gives more positive impacts rather than competitive sense.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that, competitive sense in children basically harms their learning methods by neglecting the real means of learning, on the other hand cooperative sense come up with better solution that children learn essential cooperative social skills which they need in the future. Thus, in my opinion, cooperative sense in children should be encouraged more rather than the sense of competition.

Graduate / Supporting Statement for admission to the University of Sheffield at Master of Arts [3]

Please type in or upload a statement in support of your application (min. 300 words).

Among the things you may wish to include are:

- why you are applying for this course
- how your previous education and experience relates to this course of study
- how this course fits into your long-term academic or career plans

Enrolling in Master of Arts in Applied Linguistics with TESOL embodies my professional enhancement as a lecturer's assistant at a tertiary education level and as an instructor at a private institution in Indonesia. My specific interest in pursuing to study at Master degree in Applied Linguistics with TESOL, however, is to extend my understanding and expertise in English language teaching. I am also interested in studying at the University of Sheffield because of its reputation in leading minds in the world, creating outstanding graduates and empowering international students to be able to pursue their future careers.

In connection with the reason why I choose to study in the UK rather than in my home country, because there will be more possibilities for me to enlarge my English language skills, i.e. considering that I am now still holding a position as an English Teacher/ Tutor. Thus, the condition is obviously depicted as invaluable and worth trying.

After completing my postgraduate study at the University of Sheffield, in fact upon the university offered me the chance as one of university's valuable students, I intend to devote myself as a permanent lecturer at the institution where I am currently employed. Dealing with the policy which Indonesian Department of Higher Education specify e.g. academic practice, community service, and research, firstly, I intend to facilitate the students' needs, especially in the academic practice more collaboratively in their major field of study (English Language Education Program). Secondly, I will expand my non-profit community service program that I have done so far by encouraging the usage of bilingual (English-Indonesian) for non-English subject lecturers in University of Muhammadiyah Jember regarding to the future needs of globalisation. Lastly, I am going to get involved in developing research for anything concerns to my academic expertise.

In sum, I am looking forwards to being successfully admitted to study with the University of Sheffield at Master of Arts in Applied Linguistics with TESOL for the sake of my personal as well as my professional development.

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of some alterations to the amount of money spent on books from 1995 to 2005 in Europe [2]

A breakdown of some alterations to the amount of money spent on books from 1995 to 2005 in Germany, France, Italy, and Austria is presented in the line graph. It is measured in millions of US Dollars. Overall, the aforementioned evidence describes that, notwithstanding some fluctuations, the sum of money spent on books in all four countries experienced the similar trends; they go upward over 10-year period.

France and Germany had the higher starting point than two other countries. The highest was Germany at 80 million dollars in 1995, while France approximately stood at 55 million dollars. Both countries appeared to have similar upward trends until 1999, but then Germany fell down to roughly 85 million dollars in 2003. In addition, France kept increasing gradually until the end of the period, while Germany experienced a significant increase in 2015.

With regard to Italy and Austria, both stood at 50 and 30 million dollars respectively. Moreover, despite both countries experienced a gradual rise in the amount of money spent on books, 1999 witnessed a slight jump of Italy from 55 to 50 million dollars, meanwhile Austria remained unchanged until 2001. Furthermore, Italy experienced a gradual growth until the end of the period, while Austria witnessed a dramatic accretion approximately 70 million dollars in 2005.

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Writing Feedback / A breakdown of some changes in the rate of books read by both men and women at Burnaby Library [2]

A breakdown of some alterations in the rate of books read by both men and women at Burnaby Public Library is illustrated in the line graph from 2011 to 2014. Overall, the aforementioned evidence reveals that, both gender experienced a growth in the level of books read in the first two years. However, the females witnessed a decline at the end of the period, while males stayed an upward trend.

In 2011, the number of books read by the females stood at approximately 5000 per year, while that for the males was half number of the females. However, 2012 to 2013 experienced a gradual rise in the number of books read by the females. Eventually, the females witnessed a significant decline at roughly 8,000 in 2014.

With regard to the number of books read by the males, 2012 saw a slight growth to 4000 per year, but then experienced a dramatic rise in 2013. Furthermore, in 2014, the level of books read by the males continued to rise significantly. In fact, it also reached its peak at 14,000 in the last year of the period.

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Writing Feedback / The percentage of visitors in Brighton's Attractions between 1980 and 2010 - IELTS TASK 1 [2]

A breakdown of some alterations to the percentage of tourists to England who come to Brighton's four different attractions is illustrated in the line graph from 1980 to 2010. Overall, the aforementioned evidence describes that, over a 30-year period, Pavilion reached a higher peak than three other attractions in the middle of the pattern. Meanwhile, Festival attraction experienced a slight fluctuation then remained stable until the end of the period.

There was a gradual growth in the proportion of tourists who visited Pavilion and Pier attractions in 1985, about 25% and 10% respectively. Furthermore, in 1995, Pavilion reached its peak at 50% in the percentage of tourists; however, Pier attraction witnessed a fluctuation. 2000 saw a significant decline in the proportion of tourists of Pavilion, while Pier experienced a slight fall. In the end of the period, Pavilion saw a gradual drop to approximately 30%, while Pier grew to its peak at roughly 21%.

With regard of Art Gallery and Festival, 1985 witnessed a dramatic rise and a slight dip successively. Moreover, Art Gallery experienced a significant fall to 20% in 1990, and then continued to rise slightly in the following year, which led to a gradual fall in the end of the period. However, Festival saw a slight drop in 1995, and then continued to rise slightly in 2010, which remained unchanged until 2010.

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Writing Feedback / TASK 1 - The Share Price of Outokumpu Companies from January 2006 to December 2010 [4]

A description of changes in the share price of Outokumpu companies is illustrated by the line graph and is measured in Euros from January 2006 to December 2010. Overall, the aforementioned evidence describes that, despite some fluctuations, there are two peaks time occurred in the beginning and in the middle of the period.

The first half period of the line graph appeared to have a significant rise in the share price in 2006, and then continued to rise dramatically at roughly 30€ in early period of 2007. In the following year, 2007 to 2008 saw some fluctuations, after which grew sharply at nearly 30€.

Regarding the second half period of the line graph, the share price plunged to a low of approximately 7€ in the middle of 2008 and 2009, subsequently jumped up significantly in 2009. Notwithstanding some fluctuations, there was a sharp rise in early 2010, but then a sharp fall occurred in 2010, which led to a slight drop in roughly December 2010.

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