aviniwirastri
Nov 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Each househole and family produces a large amount of rubbish every week [IELTS] [5]
paragraph 1
househole = household (typo)
... from the things we buy = it would be best replaced by "products"
we buy fesh food = fresh (typo)
comments :
1. try to avoid typo, so watch out your spelling. it seems trivial, but if you do it many times, it will not be any good.
2. i do not see any thesis statement in your intro. try to answer the question in general and put it on the intro paragraph, so readers will know what you will discuss.
3. paragraphing
group the idea and organize the paragraph well. i don't see good paragraphing here, you jump from one idea to another idea.
make, at least, 2 full body paragraphs properly!
....Children should get educated...... replaced = "be"
comments :
4. you don't answer all of the questions.
"... reduce the amount of rubbish produced?", this question is not answered in detail.
advice : you don't need to write directly, carefully concept and plan the idea first!, then write.
paragraph 1
househole = household (typo)
... from the things we buy = it would be best replaced by "products"
we buy fesh food = fresh (typo)
comments :
1. try to avoid typo, so watch out your spelling. it seems trivial, but if you do it many times, it will not be any good.
2. i do not see any thesis statement in your intro. try to answer the question in general and put it on the intro paragraph, so readers will know what you will discuss.
3. paragraphing
group the idea and organize the paragraph well. i don't see good paragraphing here, you jump from one idea to another idea.
make, at least, 2 full body paragraphs properly!
....Children should get educated...... replaced = "be"
comments :
4. you don't answer all of the questions.
"... reduce the amount of rubbish produced?", this question is not answered in detail.
advice : you don't need to write directly, carefully concept and plan the idea first!, then write.