Writing Feedback / How the Lakeside town transformed during almost ten years period? [2]

** If i want get 7 plus band ...what to do in this writing.**

A breakdown of the changes in lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is revealed in the two diagrams. Overall, it is noticeable that the number of accommodation became reduced by new development, while industrial areas saw a expansion over the period. Meanwhile, the lake was changed into the pond.

In 2000, north-west part was more developed than south-east. More accommodation, ware house, art center and school were there, while only manufacturing complex and some housing areas were in south-east. There was a river that mainly divided the two parts of the region; she also created a lake to the south.

During the period, Office, university and shopping center were constructed by the reduction of housing in north-west. Derelict ware house and art center was replaced with car park and the cinema respectively in 2009. In contrast, industrial compound expand by replacing the precedence in south-east part between 2000 and 2009. Over the time the whole of the region was changed with new development.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: monthly household income European countries spend on.... [2]

The proportion of monthly household income five European countries spend on food and drink, housing, clothing and entertainment

**please help to know my mistake
~~ coherence and cohesion,
~~lexical resource, grammatical .
~~Sentence structure.

If i want get 7 plus band ...what to do in this writing.**

A breakdown of information about the comparison of five European countries in term of the monthly spending on different need is presented in the table. The value is measured in percent. Overall, it is important to note that a significant portion of income of selected countries goes on Housing, while clothing is the least in their preference list.

Housing is the largest expenditure item. France, Germany and the UK spend almost one third of their income on this. In contrast, they spend around a quarter on food and drink. However, this pattern is reversed for Turkey and Spain, who spend around a fifth of their income on housing, but 10% and 15% respectively on food and drink.

The nation's Spending on entertainment is slightly more than clothing. The expenditures for France and Spain are minor, while the other three countries pay out much the same amount, ranging between 13% and 15%. 19% of income use for entertainment in Germany, whereas UK and Turkey expense only half this amount. In case of France and Spain, the spending are between those other three nations.

thanks in advance.. :)

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Task 1: Bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work [4]

please help to know my mistake and mark in 4 criterion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy. If i want get 7 plus band ...what to do in this writing.

Bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

A breakdown of information about the changing patterns of transport use in a European city in forty years from 1960 to 2000 is presented in bar chart. Overall, it is important to note that a significant increase was in the use of the car as a means of transport, while the popularity of bike use and walking habit decreased, and the use of bus experienced a fluctuation during the period.

In 1960, the proportion of use of motor car was least with only about 7% , but this use rocketed to 23 percent in 1980. It then continued to finally reach about 37% 2000, a massive 5-fold increase in use in forty years.

In contrast, as transport mode, Bicycle and foot had been experienced a downward trend. Foot was the trendiest means of transport with 35% in 1960, but this plummeted to a low of 9% during the period. Likewise,bicycle use fell from a high of about 27% in 1960 to just 7% in 2000. However, the figure for bus use went up, by 8% from the 1960 figure of 19% before falling back to about 18% in 2000.

thanks in advance.. :)

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / The chart compares some countries in term of the sale volume of hybrid vehicles around the world [2]

IELTS TASK 1 - BAR CHARTS INFORMATION ON THE GLOBAL SALE HYBRID VEHICLES BETWEEN 2006 AND 2009.

The chart compares the three countries in term of the sale volume of hybrid vehicles around the world in four years, from 2006 to 2009.

Overall, it is clear that the proportion of sales for each of the three countries changed. While the figure for the US was far higher than in the other countries over the period, the figure for Japan hit the highest position in the last year.

In 2006, the US sold vehicles five times more than the other, the number of sales was 2,50,000, it then rose to 3,50,000 which is highest sales for the period. For flowing years it remained higher than the rest of two except in 2009, at which it saw a fall to well below 3,00,000.

However, the figures for Japan and other were almost same at the beginning of period. Both the number continued to increase for the next two years from 50.000, but the growth of Japan was little bit less compared to other until 2008. After that the abrupt rise was in the proportion of sale of Japan from 200,000 in 2008 to just below 3, 50,000 in 2009, while other had experience a trivial increase.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS-W-2: people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life [3]

please help to know my mistake and mark in 4 criterion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In rapidly changing business world, there has a tendency among employees to rotate their job frequently in their professional life. Even some of them is more likely to do several jobs. It is argued that this tendency has certain benefits and drawbacks. This essay will firstly, discuss the way of finding passionate job as one of the main positive side of this and secondly, outline the misleading for achieving the main career goal.

Job rotation is regarded as one of the finest ways of findings one's passion. It allows one to understand which one is suitable for one's career. If someone involve in freelancing and he has an experience on photography as well as a managers of enterprise, so later on he can analysis which one is the best choice of his career to achieve his long term target. In addition to this, maybe this way he will be sound financially and mentally for the rest of his life.

However, the high risk of losing ultimate career goals is the main downside of changing job frequently in the professional life. Actually doing in more than one job bring new opportunities as well as threats. This threat may impact adversely among employees; they then may lose their motivation to give their best performance. As consequences of this, people will be distracted from their ultimate targets. if they fall such situation ,so they could not to restart their life spontaneously.

In conclude, the alteration of jobs in the career life has been an effect that could be positive or negative in employees'' aim in professional tracks. It is common argument its positive effect how much more than negative one. I believe that before changing job one should analysis the risk factors related to this.

Thanks in advance :-)

Writing Feedback / The picture reveals the steps of processing of chocolate using cacao beans. IELTS-W-1 [4]

The picture reveals the steps of processing of chocolate using cacao beans.

Overall, it is clear that there are several stages of chocolate production, beginning with the collection of ripe red pods from cacao trees. The next step shows some preparation for seeds packaging before sending to the factory. The process ends with liquid chocolate production.

The process starts with collecting with ripe red pods from the cocoa trees, which are grown in America, Africa, and Indonesia. Cacao beans then are harvested from each pod which contains several beans. They are fermented and also dried by sun heat. After that those are packaged in a number of sacks and transported to the factory by the train or lorry.

After reaching the factory, there is roaster for roasting the beans under 350 degrees centigrade. In the next stage, beans are crushed in machine, which have three blades for removing outer shell. The final stage of this process is the pressing inner parts of the beans in order to get liquid. Thus, liquid chocolate are produced steps-by-steps.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS-T-2: In this internet era, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past [2]

With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past.

Nowadays, the popularity of newspaper has been declined. It is often supposed that the number of newspapers readers is felling down. Although some people consider that it is important to spread massage to mass people, I prefer reading on the websites and I feel that it bring more up-to-date news around the world within a few minutes.

There are numerous reasons for highly demanding portals of news. Public go by online news in order to get instant and breaking news, while print versions contains yesterday's news. In addition, it is convenient, clear and use more technological tools such as video clips or audio clips to present news to the viewers. Thus, it is bringing in vast public acceptance than the printed. Moreover, the internet is more eco-friendly, whereas the production of newspaper are required trees. It means that trees are cutting down for the paper. If we shift our reading habit to online, so we can reduce the paper production. Ultimately fewer trees would be cut down.

Moreover, Reading newspaper is not only a habit but also a culture for many human beings. This cultural habit has declined because of busy life. Being busy, people hardly get time to read the news. So, most of the people prefer to read the main news in their small break period using computing devices. For example, many survey on newspaper reading habits is shown that the more and more people is now reading news on e-paper during their convenient time like many European countries. It is clear that portals allow us to know current issues and back issues within a few minutes and also helps us to update knowledge whenever we want.

To conclude, the reading habits on the internet has been increased as it is user friendly since portal are presenting news according to customers' want. Despite of having positive side of online news, some people are more likely to read news papers because they are used to, I think it will be the thing of the past in the next few decades.

please help me in correcting

~ punctuation
~grammatical accuracy
~ coherence, cohesiveness, lexical skills,
~task responses.

thanks in advance.

Writing Feedback / The government is wasting money on arts? Arts is required to express our thoughts and feelings. [4]

Topic: Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that money could be better spent in elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

These days, the government has allocated funds on public facilities as well as the arts. It is often supposed that spending on the arts is waste of money. Although some people consider that it is significant to spend money on public services, I prefer spending on the arts and I feel that it bring enormous benefits toward society giving a new horizon of life.

There are numerous motivations for spending an imperative amount of the government budget on public services. First and foremost, these services are the things such as infrastructures improvement and transportation system, and these things determine the quality of life which most of people will want to have. In addition to this, more spending money on hospitals means the improvement of health of our society. Another reason is that sufficient fund for education indicates that the nation will be well- educated in future. As a consequence, the educated nation will be able to attain more opportunity for its prosperity.

However, arts are a way of expressing thoughts and feelings that cannot be convey in term of word. The arts, such as painting, literature and sculptures impart own culture, values, believes and tradition towards new generation. For instant, young people not only come to know about their own cultural history which is presented by artist in so many ways like theater performances, but also earn immense pleasure. Thus, it helps us to release some stress in life, so it should not be negated. The government should allocate funds for the arts so that it can be developed.

To conclude, a major part of government budgets usually goes to provide public facilities which is highly demanded by all, but the arts are also required to express our thoughts and feeling to all. Despite of having positive impact of public-service sectors, I prefer more investing on highly demanding arts sectors.

Writing Feedback / People are more likely to spend their leisure time online rather than among local communities [3]

People are spending more time on the internet rather than real human beings.

Over recent decades, online communities have become accepted worldwide. Even though people are more likely to spend their leisure time on online rather than local communities, I prefer to enjoy passing time with social contact because it strength our relationship bond.

Social interface has brought enormous benefits in our life. If people more focus on our social gathering such as birthday parties, marriage ceremonies and other parties rather than networking on the internet. Thus, friends, relatives, families will more active to take caring of relationship in many ways that will lead the sense of communication among them. In addition to this, man naturally seems to like meeting with one another because it is one kind of needs of human.

People; however, are more likely to use the web sites such as Facebook, Twitter these day. This tendency has certain benefit, but it also has some ramification. The main drawback is the fact that we will probably spend more time on web that may creates a gap among family member especially in young and older. Older member of the family may not get much time to impart values, believe and norms to others member, who are more busy with online life. Thus, it cannot contribute to the development of personality of younger.

To conclude, although the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, I prefer spending more time on real interaction because there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is, therefore, important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings.

Writing Feedback / ILTES W-2: it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. [3]

It is a fact; people have eagerness to experience with new thing like new museums and town halls. Although many have intention to see new one, I prefer to pay visit old ones because those places have historical value as well economical values.

The old museums and town halls have significance on visitors. The rise in the number of visitors helps to expand the tourism industry that contributes the support of the economy. For instance, the Great Wall of China signifies their long-lasting history that also has economic value as many tourists pay visit and subsequently spend money there. Thus, the earnings add to the economy of china. The old buildings have historical and cultural significance as well as economic value. If those are not preserved well, we may lose some certain advantage from them.

In addition, the historical places impart the cultural values, believe, norms to the young generation. Young can not only earn immense benefits but also learn knowledge and information visiting these places, whereas they might not get such the things from new one. Furthermore, visiting those places they may come to know an important function in history and some are even the nations' pride. New buildings; however, may have helped both economically and developmentally, but old ones provide knowledge with young to develop their personality.

To conclude, the generating economical value and the convey of manner of past generation from the historical places which have brought tangible and intangible benefits to us.That's why; I strongly consider that old buildings should not be replaced due to their contribution to the nation and due to the fact that it doesn't hinder progress.

Dear friends,
I m confusion in using punctuation ... in some case like It is a fact; and That's why; ..i m useing (; ) here . is it correct or not .

pls say about task response and collocation and coherence in writing .

Writing Feedback / Affordable traveling to other countries has a positive impact on us. [2]

The advancement of technology has made travelling easier than ever before. So, more people wish to travel for different purposes because of low-cost airlines, other facilities. Also, I strongly agree with the idea of travelling around the world that has been brought numerous benefits for the support of the economy as well as the development of individual's personality.

Easier travelling encourage people to pay a frequent visit to other country. Such the visits help to establish tourism industry effectively that ultimately contribute the support of their country's economy. For example, Tourism contributes to around 30% of the national GDP for Dubai, it become as an important part of their economy. If people get reasonable offers for visiting, so many of them will probably take more trips for business activities, while others are for holiday. Thus, they can be able to contribute in their country's GDP.

In addition, it is commonly believe that travelling is equivalent to education. It can bring people closer to each other despite their differences, which is very important in developing one's personality. For example, the Great Wall of China has seen by many tourists, while they not only earn immense pleasure but also learn about the unique culture of the ancient civilization.By travelling, we get the chance to study new culture, custom, values and so on. It can shift our outlook of life in a better way and gives us more idea about the way of life around the world.

To conclude, increased travelling has a significance impact on both the economy and the individuals, when it come to affordable offers that leads a positive change in life. Also, I think the rational offer of travelling is an issue that drives people to pay more visit to enhance knowledge and prosperity.

Thanks in advance :-)