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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 466)

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Help with a paragraph about marketing claims

7 - Hi all, Thanks for all the comments. Regards, Fizzi...

Writing FeedbackFizzi - Jun 4, 2009 / Fizzi - Jun 5, 2009
Socials Essay: Robespierre and Cromwell Which is a more effective leader?

7 - Your main problem is that you are comparing these two people in terms of the effectiveness of their leadership,...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 4, 2009
a pretty short story, Return of satan

5 - Some minor fixes for you: "and argued that Satan was damned forever and he would never deserve to...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
Test essay: Should children obey authority?

7 - Others think controlled children are not well-prepared for children's adult life into make the important decisions of their lives...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 2, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 4, 2009
IELTS essay : Nowadays majority of people are trying to live in the cities

6 - You have a decent essay structure, and while you do have some grammatical errors, they tend not to interfere...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
"the disparity (gap) between rich and poor" - sample writing

4 - I like the way you focus on the difference in the two camps' views of wealth. The redistributionists subscribe...

Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
ielts essay - Useing animals for the benefit of the human beings

4 - Simone makes an excellent point -- you haven't presented any compelling arguments for your thesis. Making your case shouldn't...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
ielts essay: should governments pay university course fees?

3 - This is better than your other essays, as it has a clear thesis with some decent reasons to back...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
itels essay: should children learn foreign language from elementary school?

7 - To sum up, though teaching the elementary school students foreign languages pose a threat to thehas risk for the...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check

5 - My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
Random weightlifting reflection piece.

3 - I'd say you should flesh out the essay a bit more, possibly adding narrative elements to the beginning and...

Writing FeedbackMond - May 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009
I came to knew about Jesus at young age; My salvation testimony - kindly edit.

4 - thank you guys for the quick replies....

Writing FeedbackAlfred - May 31, 2009 / Alfred - May 31, 2009
'useless in applying theories'; Daily homework is not necessary for students

5 - Thanks a lot . I will change my point to make it more believable....

Writing Feedbackeric_ly - May 30, 2009 / eric_ly - May 31, 2009
People should read only those books which are real events& real person

10 - It's really difficult to make a determination on that without actually seeing the essay. In general, grounding your essay...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
Critical essay about Persepolis.

2 - Persepolis is such a wonderful book! I'm glad to have this opportunity to review an essay about it. I...

Writing Feedbackannedoherty - May 29, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 29, 2009
Journal essay (welfare state)

3 - Hi Geoff, Kindly find my help below; If I was Head of State of any given (state...

Writing FeedbackGeoff - May 28, 2009 / justivy03 - Apr 9, 2015
People want stay healthy. Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest.

7 - Notoman, That is such excellent advice!! Thank you for participating so actively in peer editing. That's what makes this...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 28, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 29, 2009
Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing

16 - Hey Notoman, thanks for mentioning the plagiarism detector. I knew such software existed, but I didn't know there was...

Writing Feedbackjgv115 - May 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 14, 2009
If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? (TOEFL essay)

10 - Bear in mind too that the TOEFL isn't a one shot deal. If you don't do well the first...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 28, 2009
Essay on the legal drinking age

8 - Your essay come up with a very different way of presentation. I loved it. I will use it...

Writing Feedbackkokujampo - May 25, 2009 / biggestv - May 28, 2009
Causes of Global Financial Crisis

3 - While moderating here, I have often found myself recommending three books over and over again: Stechen King's On Writing,...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - May 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2009
WPE --The minimum wage in the U.S.

5 - Yes, that's the one. You know that there are reasons to increase minimum wage (protect workers from exploitation)...

Writing Feedbacksapst21 - May 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2009
[TOEFL ESSAY ] Should the Government Provide Free College?

4 - Thank you sooooo much. It helps me a lot. :)...

Writing Feedbackrjsdndi - May 24, 2009 / rjsdndi - May 25, 2009
History, Royal Engineer essay.

6 - You also need to work on integrating your quotations better. "The following quote proves my point" is a horrible...

Writing Feedbackeddy9898 - May 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 28, 2009
Toefl: Is this good enough to get 24 score in writing section.

3 - Aye, the more concise the better, as multiple writers have noted. However, your fix for the sentence changes his...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 24, 2009
Clep essay-Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible.

4 - Your essay is very general and need specefic examples. Your grammer still need improvement. so I think to improve...

Writing FeedbackIndian - May 22, 2009 / biggestv - May 27, 2009
TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards

7 - Actually, it is generally a good idea to avoid labeling your conclusion with one of those phrases. It should...

Writing Feedbackwing - May 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009
CLEP English Comp. -- "That Government is Best Which Governs Least"

5 - Essay is very nice, I am also planning to take the same test. Your essay helps me knowing some...

Writing FeedbackTWRTW106 - May 21, 2009 / Indian - May 22, 2009
School bus trip - a story

4 - Better yet, write the story so that the theme emerges from it without your protagonist having to reflect on...

Writing Feedbackceberus - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 23, 2009
VIETNAM PAPER- Why did we lose?

3 - So, did all of Asia fall under communist rule? Or did the U.S. involvement in Vietnam prevent that?...

Writing FeedbackSmartFelix - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 21, 2009
Essay on Rating TV Shows and Movies

6 - The main objection to the rating system is that the ratings may not reflect what parents think they do....

Writing Feedbacknick94 - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009
English Comprehension Clep exam - essay to practice

2 - Maybe the tasks other people give us to do are just as difficult . In the next few paragraphs,...

Writing Feedbackakfir - May 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 21, 2009
TOEFL Essay-It can be quite difficult to learn a new language.

7 - I agree with Kevin -- you will pass! Learning a new language is generally enjoyable but at the...

Writing Feedbackwickyeden - May 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 23, 2009
War -- victor or no victor?   2

45 - Yeah, I'm going to keep a low profile in classes where there aren't multiple choice tests, from now on....

Writing FeedbackMustafa1991 - May 18, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 11, 2009
nothing wrong - Young people are less interested in studying than in earning money

5 - Thanx for the feedback guys!...

Writing Feedbackceberus - May 17, 2009 / ceberus - May 20, 2009
Mercutio's importance to the plot and theme - Romeo and Juliet

5 - Kevin is right, you need to focus a bit more on a single key idea (your thesis). You might...

Writing FeedbackGebraroest - May 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 17, 2009
"People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction."   2  3

84 - The notion of a dull terror inspiring frenzy is sort of neat, if a bit paradoxical. Or perhaps it...

Writing Feedbackshe_kitty - May 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Paragraph Elements

4 - You might also wish to avoid random capitalization: "Eggs, milk and cheese where just a few of the...

Writing FeedbackPeterV - May 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 19, 2009
'manned spaceflight and education' - CLEP TEST ESSAY

3 - Your essay seems to focus more on what happened before your trip into outer space, and on how...

Writing FeedbackPeterV - May 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 17, 2009
Need your corrections for agumentative paragraph ("my supervisor")

4 - Thank u -Sean and Kevin. and Kevin, yes it did help me..thank u again.=D...

Writing Feedbackkyleighgrace - May 14, 2009 / kyleighgrace - May 17, 2009
Essay about violence and violent behavior in the Media

3 - I notice you seem to use a lot of paraphrasing in your essay, with few direct quotations. Some direct...

Writing Feedbackttc1234 - May 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 14, 2009
Do you support it or not? A mall construction in your neighborhood

6 - I don't think because it is your neighborhood, you necessarily own own your living space. What if you're renting...

Writing Feedbackadalumi - May 12, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - May 14, 2009
What are the differences between life in America and life in Third World nations

14 - Great, they'll be lucky to get your feedback. I had a Spanish teacher once who pointed out how much...

Writing FeedbackRhadames - May 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 14, 2009
Iranian Revolution Recounted in Persepolis

2 - This seems to start in media res. You need to work on situating the events you describe in context....

Writing Feedbackbanannax - May 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 12, 2009
Feedback for my essay on Philosophy Paper relating to parfits personal identity

3 - Unlike the de-connecting of hemispheres, and reconnecting them, and then suddenly having the stream on consciousness connect, you would...

Writing Feedbackhketek - May 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 12, 2009
Detecting Deception Based on Nonverbal Behaviour Cues:a literature review

2 - I don't see any grammar mistakes, but I can tell you're lying by analyzing your sentence structure! No,...

Writing Feedbacklialia - May 10, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 11, 2009
CHANGE or AVOID CHANGE? Which is better?

4 - It's interesting that you are honest and not at all ashamed about being mediocre. Since you said something interesting,...

Writing Feedbackkirin - May 10, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - May 15, 2009
The New Great Depression

4 - Great ideas from Sean; and Marcel explained a problem better than I could have: overly colloquial. What a great...

Writing FeedbackDan - May 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 10, 2009
"How must we change our lifestyles to meet the threat of global warming?"

6 - Thanks for this help, i am now feeling more confident on constructing this essay and it may lead me...

Writing Feedbackantondude - May 9, 2009 / antondude - May 12, 2009
Reflective Essay On This School Year: "Closed Doors Are Not The End"

6 - Ah, you get to workshop this essay a bit, then, do you? It's always nice when teachers let you...

Writing FeedbackBabiix - May 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 8, 2009
"The Contested Terrain of Media Text and its Effects on Contemporary Culture"

3 - This is a fascinating subject. I notice you didn't mention that the world of 24 had an America governed...

Writing Feedbackgudjuju22 - May 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 8, 2009
CLEP Practice Essay - effect of computers on work now versus 100 years ago

4 - Thanks so much. My intro was much longer in draft with a better hook and a more specific example...

Writing Feedbackabryant - May 5, 2009 / abryant - May 6, 2009
Essay on advantages of computer games

16 - To make your essay a bit stronger in view point you could list a few well known negative views...

Writing Feedbacktara11 - May 5, 2009 / maextra7 - May 26, 2009
"Our desire to conform is greater than our respect for objective facts." - Essay

15 - Yeah, I know what you mean. They have their purpose. Still, I am often surprised at how much better...

Writing Feedbackx0vicksz - May 3, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 7, 2009
"The Masque of the Red Death" by Edgar Allan Poe Research Paper

3 - This is high-quality stuff. You write very well, so you can now go up to the next level by...

Writing FeedbackLunasly - May 3, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 4, 2009
"Bad Boss" Essay - selfish, hypocritical, harassing, malice, poor communicator.

3 - Use " " marks to show the term you are discussing: Defining a "bad boss" is difficult, as...

Writing Feedbackinsidecars - May 2, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 3, 2009
My attitude towards writers is mostly positive. Writers have creative and imaginary minds.

10 - It will be impossible to completely eliminate the use of "I" in an essay on this sort of topic,...

Writing Feedbacksally12 - May 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 4, 2009
Write about a belief you have and the pros and cons of it (online writing essay)

5 - Thanks guys, I am working on revisions now!...

Writing Feedbackplugging_along - May 1, 2009 / plugging_along - May 1, 2009
Archimedes; "Eureka!" essay

10 - Hmmm . . . what exactly were the assignment instructions? If you are just writing a biographical piece, you...

Writing FeedbackFreedomMoto - Apr 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 5, 2009
IELTS writing: email and text messaging threats written language

6 - hi, i do not think the disadvantages of email and text message rest with the weakened position of...

Writing Feedbackmarine - Apr 30, 2009 / kirin - May 10, 2009

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