Writing Feedback / You are going to have a party at home. Make a talk about how to prepare for the party [2]

Writing this presentation based on an actual event is a nice approach. At the very least, it gives you a specific type of party to plan and write about. However, you do not really need to mention a month and date for the party since the requirement is for you write about a party in general. So these specifics are not really needed.

In the description of the family members who will be attending the party, you mention "my sister" twice. Is this an error? A repeated reference? If you are referring to 2 different sisters, then you should mention if one is older and the other is younger or say "my 2 older sisters" to use a correct numerical ordinal for them in the presentation. By the way, you are only 21 years old right? How can you have grandchildren at that age? This is reference error in the presentation.

Additionally, the reference to lemonade "made by myself" is a bit confusing in reference as "by myself:" often means a person is alone. You can instead say "lemonade I am making myself" since you are looking into a future reference.

The explanation itself is simple and uses imperfect English. However, you still manage to make yourself understood. You were able to discuss how you plan to prepare for your mother's birthday, which is the point of the essay. Grammar issues aside, it is understandable enough for an English native speaker to understand. That is not to say that you should not try to use properly structured English sentences though. You definitely have to do that.

Scholarship / UofT's econ program - Scholarship Essay Question 1 [2]


Exciting you is one thing. How does these mentions relate to the long term plans? Why are these courses important to your goal? How do these lend to the concrete foundation of your long term goals? Do not use empty statements that are devoid of clear connecting responses. Do not just meet the word count. Focus on making yourself understood. This is an oral interview afterall. Any hesitation, such as this type of response, tells the reviewer you have not done your homework and have not really used a solid criteria as the basis of your university choice.


I am not exactly sure how this program lends itself to the focus of the prompt. It is actually a confusing reference that sounds little thought out and developed in terms of presentation clarity.

Rethink your responses. These do not contain any reference to long term career goals and the relationship of your studies, the university, and academic goals with your future career intentions.

Undergraduate / Myself and I - UBC Personal Profile: What is important to you ? And why ? [2]

This response essay is all over the place. There is no order to the idea presentation, the sentence structures and word choices have totally become unintelligible, almost as if the translation program used could not properly decipher the original sentences, in the original language of the user. From what I can gather though, towards the end, the essay is supposed to be about the importance of self-esteem to the writer along with the reasons why. When read in reverse, the statement seems to be easier to understand.

The essay needs to be revised by presenting the self esteem response first, then the explanation why it is important to the student. Maybe if written in reverse, the statement will become more understandable and better explain what is important to the student and why. Turn the essay upside down. Use the last part first and the first part last in the revised version. That should help the reader better analyze what you are trying to explain.

Scholarship / NTU scholarship essay - A value that I hold strongly to. [2]

You have to present 2 personal characteristics as reflected by one value and one belief system. This essay is all about introducing your character to the reviewer. He wants to know the kind of person that you are beyond the grades and other documents that you provided. Are you the kind of person who has a character that will fit in and enhance the student community? Think about 2 highlightable aspects of your personality and explain. 150 words each.

So you have decided to use perseverance as a refence to your belief system. That is great as it reflects on the type of student that you will become. What you have to explain next is what belief system you have that supports the value of perseverance. An example of a connect belief and value system would be:

I believe that the success of a student in life comes from perseverance. A student cannot succeed in his studies if he does not persevere and believe in his own learning abilities....

Such a connected example shows the reviewer 2 things:
- Your intent to succeed in your chosen major
- Your desire to use perseverance to your advantage as a student

By referring to 2 different aspects of your personality as a student, you will be able to provide information as to how well you fit the description of a perfect student at NTU. Of course you will not know what their idea of a perfect student is, but by at least providing 2 relevant discussion points, you increase the possibility that you will fall under at least 1 criteria based on what they look for in a student.

Graduate / Need review for my sop for MS in data science; The capacity to discriminate between what you know... [2]

This is a highly arrogant, condescending and irritating personal statement. If this is how you choose to present yourself in terms of word usage to the reviewer, let me tell you now, this lack of professional respect for a higher authority will lose you the student slot even before he finishes reading the second paragraph. Anyway, regardless of your misplaced arrogance, your work does not represent a statement of purpose and is unqualified for its purpose.

A statement of purpose is not an autobiography of your interest in the course. Any references to brat's and parental gifts have no place in an essay that should be focused on the following:

1. Your current profession and how this background relates to your interest in MS Data Science. What is the professional shortcoming you wish to address and why do you think that now is the proper time for you to pursue a solution to it? This could be a personal, professional, or national interest reason,.

2. How your academic foundation as a college graduate has given you the relevant understanding of the basics that will be the expanded focus of the MS studies. Summarized, not over discussed as you have done so now.

3. Why you have chosen this university based on your professional skills dwevelopmed requirements

4. Why you believe you have to leave your country to study abroad, how this relates to your personal and social development, and what you hope to bring back to your home country after completing the course.

These are the basic elements that need to be covered in a basic SOP. I am not sure if you are being asked to respond to a specific series of prompts by the university for the SOP but, these should help you get onto a professional sounding and respectful SOP presentation

Undergraduate / Introduction my family and myself [3]


The reader will automatically count your parents as a set of 2 persons. The rest of the family members need to be indicated by number as well. How many brothers? Sisters? Are there extended family members? This reference needs to have better clarity.


You forgot to use the connecting word "a" in reference to the former occupation of your father. You remember to use the connecting word for your mother though. You cannot use the connecting word intermittently.


Smallest refers to height or size. Perhaps you mean "youngest" in reference to your age ranking in the family?


This your brother's occupation. The person who works in this field is known as a "computer engineer". That is the professional description of what your brother does for a living. The same error exists for the reference to your sister's job as an engineer.


Oldest sister.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Scholarship admission in Sweden - Sustainable Technology [4]

Discuss more of how your career aspirations align with the ecological nature of Sweden and how their sustainability programs as a nation have inspired you. Be specific. Right now, you are merely referring to well known public information which, in all honest, does not refer only to Sweden, but could refer to any European country that is focused on sustaninability and ecological correctness.

The reference to the university decision requires you to deal with your career aspirations directly in the discussion. There must be a relationship that is clear to the reviewer, regarding your future career plans, how the course you chose applies, how the exposure to Sweden as a nation, all fit together. It is like pieces of a puzzle falling into place. That aspect of the motivation is not present in this essay.

Mere references, without proper discussion development makes this motivational letter weak and does not have a chance of being considered for the scholarship, regardless of your academic performance. What motivates you to think that Sweden can help you assist your country's development in the sustainability area?

Scholarship / How will you contribute to our pledge to access, equity, and inclusion? [2]

There is a good sense of community and strong sense of civic mindedness in the application. Does it show a future leader in the making? Yes it does. Does it show a future global leader? Perhaps. The exposure of the student does not really play up that aspect of his volunteer and other co-curricular activities. There example of community diversity is weak due to the lack of specific race or ethnic mentions. Evidence of how a global mindset was developed by this exposure is needed.

Now, the student is well versed in leadership activities, but none of these relate to business. That is a problem when the essay being written is for admission to business school. It is important that the "global business leader" aspect of the prompt is addressed. Yes, sports brings a sense of leadership to the team captain and the team members. However, the mindset cannot be applied to business school as business leaders have a totally different mindset from a team captain. While the reference to sports should remain, it is important that the applicant also shows an early development of at least, a local business mindset in relation to the diversity discussion of the prompt. That way, a reference to a "global business leader" can be delivered. Sadly, the community service does show a bit of diversity, it is still not part of the "global business leader" mindset. Had this community service been in relation to fund raising activities and training of the low income members of the community, who come from a diverse background, then the community service would have been the strongest aspect of this essay.

The essay needs further development and editing, should go beyond the word maximum once it is revised for relevant content. This will require the student to clip the presentations for the team and community activities as it relates to the discussion. The pledge has been met in a basic sense. It needs to go deeper by remembering what the main topic of the discussion is, the development of a Global Business Leader.

Research Papers / Social Media Affect on Mental Health [2]

Focus the research on data relating only to teen use of social media and and the resulting effects on their mental health. Try to provide discussion points that do not use general statements for information, specifically measurements. The reader needs to remain focused on a particular age range so garner data regarding early childhood, childhood, adolescent, and teenager use only. These information are now readily available to researcher as opposed to a few years ago when the studies were only based on assumptions rather than fact.

The in-text citations are well - informed. However, the personal understanding and explanation of the writer is weak. Rather than expanding the explanation based on a solid interpretation of how it affects him personally, as one of the age group brackets considered for the study, the writer instead, opts to simply repeat the information in 3 different ways to complete a paragraph. So the information loses its convincing factor on the part of the reader.


This is a good claim but, it was not properly explained in the paragraph. There was no connecting discussion between the two topics. The data to prove the information is also inadequate as it does not carry any numerical data to provide a sense of truth to the topic sentence.

Letters / Reference Letter for Chevening by World Bank Executive to an Officer of the Government of Pakistan [2]

A recommendation letter of any sort does not allow nor accept the recommendation of a person who is a personal contact, relative, or friend of the applicant. Chevening specifically does not allow any reference to a personsonal relationship with the applicant. it will be a disqualification reason for the recomendee. The professional relationship must be based on solely a professional basis. The professional basis means that the last contact he has had with the applicant should be less than 5 years ago. it appears that you have a problem when it comes to that aspect.

The letter is not well edited and does not cover the basic requirements of a Chevening recommendation letter. The recommendee must make quick references to your leadership and networking skills, along with proficiencies that he believes makes you a good candidate. These are not covered in your letter. It would be better if you refer to the Chevening website before you make any revisions to this letter so that you will have a better idea of what information they expect to read about, which will be the basis of the actual recomendee interview should you make it through the first round of considerations. As of now, this is not a recommendation letter, it is just a personal statement. There is no need to mention extra curricular activities or your successful projects. The projects may be mentioned, but not discussed in such detail. The details will be asked for, if you make it to the official candidate list and your recommendee is contacted for information verification and additional questioning.

Scholarship / Study in communication with focus on delivering policy and/or strategic communication for the public [3]

You have not really responded to the question. Why these courses and why these universities? The first paragraph is almost a personal statement that does not shed proper light on the professional and academic reasons as to why you have chosen to study any sort of masters course at this time. You can open your statement with a general reference to this consideration. The next 3 paragraphs should show an insightful, rather than researched reason for choosing these universities. Your reasons for choosing the courses are practically non-existent at this point. You are not providing a professional objective for the masters choices. The reviewer does not care about the course syllabus and course description, which is all you are providing. They are interested to know about how these courses appealed to you based on your professional training needs and academic requirements for future job growth. Do not just describe the courses, apply these to your professional needs in terms of future application and job growth.

You cannot use the university placement as a reason for choosing a university. The reasons must be based on personal educational considerations, work requirements and other similar considerations.

Undergraduate / Waterloo's health science, software engineering and the business and computer science program - AIF [2]



These are unique responses and direct qualifiers for your double major. Why not make it more definitive so that the reviewer will have a stronger idea of your course and university choice process. These actually tell the reviewer more about what your interests are and how Waterloo applies to your professional purpose, which is the point of this prompt. It is important that you enhance these aspects of your response so that you come in strong with your written interview response. Remember, this may be the only chance you will have to convince the reviewer that you have a qualified purpose for attending Waterloo. Focus on the strongest aspects of your response.This is a unique presentation that can create an impression on the reviewer, if properly developed as a response.

Scholarship / Erasmus Mundus Joint Master Degree program in Urban Climate and Sustainability [2]

Your essay does not explain how your educational background and work experience applies itself to both years of study in the program(s) you have chosen. Consider that you have to explain why you have decided to pursue studies in Urban Climate in these 2 countries and universities in particular. How do these studies lend themselves to the improvements you want to bring to your country? What improvements are these? Will you say these relate to your research thesis? What is the coverage of your thesis?

The presentation needs to provide the prompt required information, not just your personal insights and general references to the importance of the course you have chosen to study. It does not work at all since it does not appropriately respond to the application required information. Why do you believe now is the right time for you to reenter the academic field? Avoid lecturing the reviewer as you do in this essay, he is not interested in being taught information by a mere applicant, specially when the discussion presented is empty of infomation that will help him decide if you qualify for the program or not. Based on this essay, you do not qualify for the program.

Look up the prompts. These are freely available online. You can even find such guides in related similar threads at this forum. Make sure to revise the presentation based on information necessities. That way, you can provide a correct and non-disqualifying written interview.

Scholarship / The Uzbek culture - Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? [2]

In the first paragraph, your reference to a cultural exchange was a good start. It actually represents one of the actual prompt discussion requirements of the program. However, when you referred to your intention of translating Uzbek books, you lost track of the cultural exchange explanation. A reflection of the importance of this cultural exchange with America disappeared. You have to get back on track and show the importance of this cultural exchange based on diplomatic relations and social development between the cultures. Continue to build on the first aspect your presented in relation to cultural exchange.

The reference to exposure to other cultures being essential to your translation is interesting and notable. However, the lack of literature connection between America and Uzbeksitan proves to be a problem. Perhaps you can mention an American historical novel that you plan to translate to Uzbek to help move this relationship along. Think along how the lines of how Russian novels were translated to English to help with an understanding of Russian culture and political issues. In your case, use a specific Uzbel and American novel reference to create a better understanding for the reader.

Research Papers / The Constitutionality of Capital Punishment - research paper [2]

Since the first paragraph is nothing but a series of citations from other sources that do not directly relate to the capital punishment discussion, that paragraph should be replaced by a true introduction with a proper accompanying thesis statement. As of now, the opening presentation suffers because of the lack of insight on the part of the writer that makes the reader care about the capital punishment discussion. It is necessary to discuss the capital punishment presentation from a historical perspective so, begin by discussing why the colononists saw the need and sought the application of a death penalty on criminals. Explain how this mindset carried over the freed status of America, even though it directly contradicts certain key aspects of the founding fathers constitution.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1. The proportion of four different age groups in the total population of New Zealand [3]


Specified as? Kindly give importance to every summarized aspect of the presentation. Each information piece you share should be highlighted in its own sentence to help the reader avoid information confusion. Information confusion normally occurs when more than 1 idea is shared per sentence. This is commonly known as a run-on sentence.



Do not included specific information in the trending section. These should be presented as general observations, with the full data reference being provided in the reporting, analysis, and comparison paragraphs. This trend is good, but should have avoided direct information references. You can be vague in this reference area.

Overall, the analysis appears to be well thought out and developed. However, the writer could learn how to write shorter comparative sentences to save on draft writing time. More time should be spent on the proofreading and finalization of the analytical report. Good job just the same.

Letters / Medicine study - MOTIVATIONAL LETTER FOR THE STIPENDIUM HUNGARICUM SCHOLARSHIP [3]

Let's focus on Nigeria for a moment. Have you looked around your environment when it comes to health considerations? Having a mother who is a doctor must have exposed you to the limitations of a Nigerian hospital or healthcare system. How did this influence you? How were you affected by a low ranking medical system? Would you say that you have a passion to fulfill your ambitions for the betterment of your country? If yes, then these are the first few paragraphs you should be presenting in your essay.

Next, consider your reason for choosing to study Hungary? Being the birthplace of the most basic medical breakthrough, handwashing, how would you say Hungary's medical importance ties in with your goals and intentions as a doctor. You may look up Ignaz Semmelweis, the doctor scientist who discovered the importance of handwashing, as the basis of your reference. His influence on the medical modern world in times of a pandemic cannot go unnoticed. Create a connection between yourself and Hungary.

Once you understand your personal connection to medicine and Hungary, you can consider the social requirements of being a scholar. Coming from a totally different background, how do you see yourself dealing with the adjustments you will need to make based on any potential culture shock?

These are but a few of the considerations that you should look into so that you can improve your motivation letter. Best of luck with your application.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing Task1-Require to summarizes the information of the chart & make comparison relevant [3]

The summary is too compressed in terms of presentation.It requires more sentence presentations for the individual information parts. Additionally, the specific genders need to be identified as indicated in the image. That is because the expanded gender considerations of the 21st century makes it difficult to decide what the default genders are for the report. Do not wait till the trending paragraph to clarify that data. It should be clear from the very start. The summary should be divided into 3 sentence presentations since there are 3 ideas presented in the run-on sentence.


This is not an English word. It is not in the dictionary. Did you mean "taken" instead? Be careful when spelling and using words. You do not want LR deductions to be applied as this will result in a lower or, depending on the number of errors, a failing score for that section.

The last paragraph needs to be seperated into 2 presentations. The seperation of paragraphs is based on the number of subjects indicated. The comparison paragraphs need to be grouped by 3, as in 3 subjects per comparison discussion.

Scholarship / Personal Statement for Erasmus Mundus Joint Master : Global Markets, Local Creativities Programme [2]

I believe that you should summarize the first 3 paragraphs. The last thing the reviewer needs is a financial history lesson about your country. Summarize it by explaining immediately how these experiences influenced your undergraduate interests. That way, The historical lesson becomes an academic backgrounder for you, which is a notable part of this essay. From there, jump as soon as you can into your professional discussion that will explain the main purpose for your desire to study this track. That means, move up the reference to an actual career path for you. No vagueness in this reference please. Explain your career motives to indicate how useful the studies will be for you. Concentrate on:

Professional needs + Work Experience + Relevant GLocal references + Relationship to your country's development + Future vision for your career = Focused Personal Statement

Think of it this way, a blended discussion in every paragraph will better allow the reviewer to consider your qualifications, experiences, and interests in the program. By showing a clear and definitive connection between these aspects, the reviewer will understand how everything ties into your decision to choose specific universities, programs, and commit 2 years of your life to this learning process. These are elements that do not exist in your current statement. Your future career plan is too general a statement to be considered a solid career path based on the requirements of the program you have chosen. The Where, When, and Why of that career outcome needs to be related to the previous paragraphs in a manner that completes the discussion arc.

You need to create combined paragraphs to help shorten the presentation and create a more relevant discussion for your presentation.

Writing Feedback / What is an example of modern slavery? [2]


Who taught this lesson? Where is the historical and factual basis of this claim? Deliver an establishing foundation for this claim first.


Not everyone is familiar with this person. Explain who he is and why his opinion as you state it, is important tp the discussion.


What is this assumption based on? Where is the establishing fact and evidence that proves that we are historically wired to fight due to inadequacy? How does this claim relate to slavery in modern times?


Good sample and explanation.


This is once again, an unfounded claim that has no basis in reality. If people do not gain knowledge and evolve as a capitalist society, our society will cease to exist. Your arguments are not based on facts or research.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2: Many goods like food and consumables are being imported by many countries all over the world [2]


This is a memorized phrase that does not help enhance the score for the presentation. Had you started immediately with the second sentence, you would have received an immediate score boost in the ta section.


As well as you did in the restatement section, this opinion, which changes the original discussion instruction will cause the ta section to fail. The reason? An incorrect response format. You were asked to give a general, non personal opinion based advantage v. disadvatage discussion. You are instead discussing a personal positive or negative opinion. You changed the discussion instruction. Prompt fail.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: It is now becoming a trend that people prefer to meet virtually instead of physically [2]

The essay is long enough but not within the correct number of paragraphs for this discussion. Since this is a single opinion presentation, it falls under the 4 paragraph presentation format:

1 prompt restatement + paraphrase
2 reasoning paragraphs
1 reverse paraphrase conclusion

Therefore, this essay is overpresented by one paragraph. A score is provided for the way that the discussion is presented. You must learn to differentiate between the paragraph discussion types and provide only the appropriate number of reasoning paragraphs for each. Do not be overeager to write. Write too many words and you open yourself up to more accidental deductions. These deductions will then be due to the lack of proper proofreading and editing of your work. You need perfect presentations, not long presentations.

Writing Feedback / UK graduate and post-graduate students in four different destinations after leaving college [2]


Incorrect phrase usage. You are unfamiliar with the definition of a destination. A destinatiion is defined as the place to which a person or thing travels or is sent. In this case, the graduates are not sent to any of the 4 areas. Rather, these are occupations or work oppotunities that they seek out upon graduation or leaving school. Correct word usage is important for 2 things:

- It shows your proper knowledge of English vocabulary
- It lessens the changes of LR deductions in that scoring section. This section is concerned with correct word usage, based on the definition of the word


The first letter of the first word must be capitalized as per English grammar writing rules. That is because it signifies the start of a sentence or thought presentation.

Undergraduate / Books and social issues - Essay about UWC (2022-2024) application [3]


Why aren't you sure of your response? Change this to "I will" because you are not being asked to suppose but rather, to tell the reviewer with certainty.


How do you show evidence of these activities within your community? Can these activities be translated into a college campus or volunteer club / society setting for the other students you will be interacting with?


A solid example would help illustrate this highly important point of your discussion presentation. Make sure that it can be applicable to a college volunteer setting.


There you go again with the uncertainty. Be definite. UWC will help you achieve the goals.

There is a need for you to revise certain aspects of this presentation due to the required sample references. You may need to rework the whole essay in order to accomodate the necessary changes.

Graduate / Personal Statement - Digital Business Management [2]

Depending on the actual maximum word count as provided by university for this essay, the average personal statement should not go beyond 500 -750 words. This is not an autobiography but rather, a discussion of specific topics in relation to your interest in the masters course. Your essay appears to be too wordy and in need of editing to bring down to simple factual statement levels.

The elements relating to your educational background in the introduction are irrelevant. You are applying to admission in a masters course. Therefore, how you began your academic career is irrelevant. What is relevant to the discussion is how your college courses, grades, and internships / training prepared you for your professional career and, how these apply to the MSc in Digital Business Management based upon the course requirements. The better your performed in college courses relevant to digital management, the better.

The reference to your community service may, or may not be relevant to the personal statement. That is because the activity does not relate to the continued development of your digital management skills. The concentration on what is happening in your home country does not connect with the requirements of a digital management course. While this is part of your personal story, it is your professional story, in relation to the development of your interest (digital management) that will matter more to the reviewer.

Please consider these general review comments. You did not provide any actual prompt guidelines for the writing as shared with you by the university so I cannot give a targeted review of your personal statement.

Writing Feedback / [ Task 2 - Discussion ] Schools are no longer necessary [2]

Your prompt response is not on the mark. You are agreeing with both sides to some degree rather than choosing a single opinion to discuss in an expanded form. You cannot discuss both sides in a single opinion essay. The problem lies in the way that you formed your response. You indicated:


The presentation is incorrect as I explained above. The reference must only be made to the discussion you will be using in your reasoning paragraphs, along with the basic reasoning for it. For example:

I strongly believe that schools cannot be replaced by the internet based on 2 specific reasons. (Indicate reasons 1 and 2 or 2 topics for discussion)

Since your reasoning paragraphs are also problematic, I will have to tell you that only the 2nd reasoning paragraph, the one that defends why schools cannot be replaced, will get a scoring consideration. That is because it is the only paragraph that supports the opinion you provided (schools cannot be replaced).

Therefore, this essay will struggle to get a passing score. There are 2 problem areas, as I indicated above, which will lower the scoring basis for the presentation. Remember, when not asked to compare or discuss both views, you are expected to use only the single point of view defense / discussion. Otherwise, the essay will be deemed under developed / under explained, and receive low marks for it based on overall discussion considerations.

Writing Feedback / The number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office -vocabulary, grammars, structures [2]

Your specific review requirements are not covered by our free review services. Please contact me privately to discuss the review fee in relation to your specific needs.

The data you provide in the summary is incomplete. There is no reference to the 6 month coverage of the material you will be presenting. Aside from an appropriate image reference, you also need to specifically acknowledge the basis of the infomation presentation. Without that reference, the summary overview is incomplete. All you had to indicate was that the information was collated from January through June. Not that difficult to do is it? You also failed to acknowledge the face to face inquiries in the summary, thus making that presentation inaccurate and a highly incomplete summary.

This is as far as the free review goes. My apologies but the users are not allowed to dictate how the free reviews will be conducted.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: the amount of hours the teenagers in Chester spend in a week for doing activities 2002-2007 [3]

Hello, please heed the warning that I sent you privately. You have one more chance with me.

The presentation is well grouped and well developed in terms of information presentation, but only for one year. The comparative analysis is a bit on the short side. You are focused only on the factual reporting of the data with little comparisons provided. Your essay is focused solely on the 2007 data. There is no comparison of the various years provided. You did not mention any of the other years (2002, 2006, etc.). So the comparative discussion can be considered faulty. You are only providing a report of one specific year. A clear comparison based on the years indicated in the chart is missing.

The missing data was caused by the lack of proper grouping in your presentation. Aside from grouping per related activity, you should have also represented the years by group. That means creating a summarized comparison for the years 2002-2004, then 2005-2007 for the grouped activities. By comparing the years by group, you will be able to present a clear comparative analysis of the factual trend for each grouped activity, adding to the clear comparative analysis of the report you presented. Note that your reporting paragraphs focused on 2007 alone. You cannot use the compressed trending statement to replace the group analysis and reporting requirements as that is not based on factual data from the image.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city [3]

Remember that the time limit for this writing task is 20 minutes and the word count is between 175-200 words for maximum scoring potential. You wrote 273 words, a word count and essay presentation more suitable to a task 2 essay that has a 250 minimum word count and 40 minutes for the writing task. This essay is overwritten and cannot be completed within the time allowance during an actual test. This is the first and foremost problem with this presentation. You need to keep your 3 paragraph presentation short, summarized, but analyzed. Practice writing without over extending the presentation using filler words. Shorten the sentences. Focus on short analytical presentations so as not to overwrite and, in the process, run out of writing time.

I will end my review at this point. I do not believe that it will be fair to assess your work when it does not fall within the correct word count requirement. I have to be fair in judging your work. I can only do that if you provide the correct writing format for this task.

Writing Feedback / Advertising money: press, cinema, outdoor, radio and TV - my essay for IELTS [3]

You should really try to seperate your information presentation for the summary. There is a heavy emphasis on the clarity of your information sharing in this section so individual data sharing per sentence gets a higher consideration than a compressed data presentation. Compare your version with the following:

A table has been presented comprised of 4 data divisions. There is a data row indicating 4 car companies that pay for advertising. This is followed by 4 columns composed of advertising types. The advertising types which are paid for in the millions of dollars are comprised of press, cinema, outdoor, radio, and TV. Overall, the trend shows the highest spending on TV, while the lowest spending was on cinema advertising.

Notice how the individualized sentences offer a clearer summary explanation of the presented data. It is concise but complete, and contains a proper trending analysis that basically, delivers a full overview of the given data.

The rest of the report is acceptable but too long. Try to keep the paragraphs concise. While you do stay within the sentence requirement per paragraph, you are not using a summarized form of comparison and analysis reporting so there is a possibility that you will go over the 20 minute writing allowance. Resulting in 226 words being written. That is more than the 200 word advised maximum word count. If you write in the following time allotted manner, you will find that you cannot write more than 200 words.

5 minutes - image analysis
10 minutes - Comparison analysis and reporting draft writing
5 minutes - Proof reading and final content writing

The proof reading and final content writing are important because that is when you spot your errors in terms of TA and GRA requirements, allowing you to correct any score lessening problems your essay may have.

Research Papers / Wage Gap Among Black Women in America [2]


Make sure to keep the focus on the African American woman. This reference suddenly points to a generic race for women in America, which is not what your report is about.


What about the comparison for Black men? Don't forget, there are 2 races that are keeping the African American women from executive positions even if they are qualified. The black and white men should factor evenly in the discussion and comparison points to create a strong foundational basis for your discussion.


What is the wage gap between African American men and African American women? Remember, the balance of discussion is important. There is also a gender discrimination in relation to wages and office positions within the African American community.

Undergraduate / Pre-pandemic days - My UBC Supplementary Essay [3]

Good discussion but imbalanced reference. You saw the pandemic as a full negative to your existence as a musician. There was no positive to it as far as you were concerned because it is not what you were used to. While you should present what negative you learned from the experience, you should also, find something positive to discuss about your experience. For example, you can explain how your band was able to create a better sound through your Zoom rehearsals, the ability to reach more elderly during the pandemic because of the easier to schedule Zoom performances for small crowds, you can even reference a more interactive feel during your performance or how the audience reaction was different in the sense that it was more positive to your performances, maybe even how you engaged with the audience more. Anything positive you can discuss will bring a better balance to the negative side that you presented. Do not view the pandemic as a negative only. Close with either an impartial or positive reference.

Undergraduate / Why engineering? My application to the University of Waterloo (Admission Information Form) [5]

The response that you have provided does nto appropriately touch on the prompt requirements. This presentation is more of a nostalgic look back on your relationship with your grandfather and how his death affected you. It does not clearly state, in short form how your interest in a specific engineering field developed, what your career goals are, your related early exposure to engineering, and who your engineering influences are.

This written interview needs to be full of highlights rather than reminiscing.It has to reveal how you have prepared your fundation to succeed in this course, leading up to an engineering ambition to be realized upon your graduation. This presentation is personal, but not applicable since it does not provide a complete reference to the reviewer required considerations.

Writing Feedback / Opinion about installing CCTV cameras in public places - Essay [2]

This essay failed to provide a correct restatement + opinion paragraph. It has already failed the test based on 2 reasons:

- incorrect restatement
- inapplicable discussion presentation / wrong response foremat.

Let me show you your errors so that you can better understand why this is a failing essay based on the TA requirements:

Original Topic: In many cities, the use of video cameras ... in order to reduce crime.
Your Topic: There is often an argument ...effective tool to eliminate illegality
Incorrect Aspect: The reference to an argument, when the topic was not based on an argument but an idea.

Original Discussion Question: To what extent ...
Your Response: my opinion is that the advantages of installing them outweigh the disadvantages.
Incorrect Aspect: Changing the discussion from an extent response (agree or disagree) to an advantage v. disadvantage consideration. This is a clear prompt alteration that made the response format incorrect.

Result: Failing TA score

The discussion went from a single opinion defense to a comparative discussion as well. Thus creating an error in the reasoning response presentation as well. The overall essay does not have a single correct or applicable discussion consideration, presentation, or reasoning attached to it. The examiner can only score this based on a non-related response scenario, resulting in a failing task score.

Writing Feedback / Warwick Postgraduate Entry - Personal Statement [2]


What exactly is your current job? Use that current job reference as the platform for your interest in the announcement by the government, then relate it directly to the course as being the moving factor for you based on reasons that you will be discussing throughout the essay.

Work less on your academic experience under the first course. Summarize that. Since you are applying for a masters course, your current job requirements should be the basis of your interest in the course. Your skills development lacks a more effective presentation and discussion. This aspect will be of high importance to your application since it should explain how your current job has prepared you to accomplish the masters course requirements and also, helps the reviewer assess if you have any unique exposure or professional qualities that could add to the other students learning experience by having you participate in the class.

Right now, the essay does not connect effectively in terms of applicant skills considerations. Maybe because you are too focused on using the undergraduate course as your qualifier when it should be work exposure, professional needs, and future trends that should be the driving force of your application. You need to also, relate more to the subjects and university in relation to your learning needs.

Letters / Motivation letter for Master's degree in Applied Geophysics (The Netherlands) [2]

Your opening salutation should be more useful towards your motivation letter. You should clearly state the intention of your enrollment in the program, without any reference to early studies or backgrounds. Rather, a professional reference as to how your current career fits into your motivation will be of more interest and relevance to the opening statement. It would deliver a clear intention immediately, leaving you with more room to develop the rest of the prompt questions in relation to the motivation you are delivering.

The essay delves too much into your early academic background, something that is not requested in this presentation. Refer to the prompt requirements again. Your essay went over the 250 word maximum because you did not blend your interest in studying at TU Delft and what you expect to learn there with your possible thesis proposal. If you correctly focus the rest of the discussion on your thesis statement, you will find that the rest of the prompt questions can be blended into an interesting thesis presentation. The result will be a comprehensive, concise, and highly relevant thesis based response to the prompt.

Always stay on track with your presentation. Review your response against the prompts. If you have irrelevant information, remove that part immediately and revise the content if needed.

Letters / Motivation letter for Erasmus Mundus Euroculture Program [2]


You are applying for admission to one of the most prestigious masters scholarship programs in the world. The competitors you will be up against are highly experienced and knowledgable in the field of European Culture. You need to show an interest that grew out of your professional experience, not just sume undergraduate academic exposure. The motivation needs to have a solid professional foundation in relation to your pursuit of academic excellence.

You have taken a personal statement approach to this essay that focuses too much on your undergraduate exposure rather than your pertinent professional exposure as a junior diplomat, which is the usual job description of people seeking admissions into this course. While you do have proper international exposure, there is no reference as to how these experiences tie in with your profession. Consider first and foremost if your current profession ties in with this program and its requirements. If it does not, if you are seeking a change in employment, then this is not the scholarship for you.

The question of why you wish to study in Hungary is not properly developed and represented in this essay. You have to clearly and strongly explain how the time you will be studying in Hungary will help your career moving forward, along with the courses you will be studying.

Truth be told, your essay only answers selective sections of the prompts while focusing more on the information you wish to convey, which may or may not be important to the reviewer. Use the prompt guides that are part of the application packet. Make sure you answer each question in outline form before you go into a paragraph/essay format. That way you can be sure that you did not overlook or deviate from the actual and required discussion points.

Writing Feedback / All students should wear uniform when going to school. [3]

In the prompt restatement, you need to be just as specific as the original prompt when referring to the original discussion basis which is "high school uniforms". Word equivalents should be used to give proper acknowledgement to the premise of the discussion. The equivalent for high school is "secondary education" and uniforms could be attire, dress, or livery. That way the Lexical Resource knowledge of the student can be given an early high assessment in relation to the prompt.

Now, the discussion asks the writer to consider which policy is the best one, not whether he agrees or disagrees with the policies (to an extent). So the response of the writer veered away from the provided discussion consideration. While you did agree or disagree, the correct response format was not utilized (which one you believe to be the correct policy and why). The essay will get a weak TA score due to the existing errors in accuracy and presentation.

You will receive good marks for properly using the discussion reference in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. These are acceptable enough and provide enough of a connection between discussion points to be deemed cohesive. It shows a clear understanding of the prompt. So I guess it was only the lack of English word knowledge that adversely affected the prompt restatement + opinion paragraph?

The concluding summary is acceptable as well. It uses a totally different method of presenting the prompt restatement, the writer's opinion, and the supporting reasons. It should do well in helping improve your final score.As a final note, please work on developing your sentence presentation skills. Although these remain understandable, the lack of proper sentence formation has a tendency to be scored down by the examiner. Focus on connecting word usage in a proper manner.

Letters / My passion for programming. Motivation letter for Master degree in Computer Science [3]

When you introduce yourself, do not use such a generic opening statement. After indicating the most pertinent present information about yourself, use the next few sentences to deliver a summarized form of your academic and personal motivations to continue onto masters studies even before completing any professional experience. Since you are going to a direct masters from undergraduate studies, you have to convince the reviewer that your undergraduate course is insufficient in terms of your career plan. These all need to be presented in the first paragraph. The expanded discussion points will follow in the next discussion presentations.

The second paragraph need not present the superfluous starting discussion points. These are of no interest to the reviewer. He is more interested in your game development exposure. Start the paragraph immediately at that part to retain the consistent information flow from the introduction to the relevant background as required by the prompt.

The motivation is lacking a highly important aspect, how you see these studies advancing your career in the future. How do the advanced courses fit into your career plan? What is the end game? How do you see yourself after completing the course? Will you be a virtual game developer? A metaverse developer? How do you see yourself making your mark in the industry after all the studies are completed? How does the university and course choice fit in the overall scheme?

Undergraduate / UBC Undergrad Personal Profile: (Engineering) [2]

This response statement does not provide any semblance of prompt responsiveness. There is no reference at all to the character qualifications of the applicant based upon the assessment of his parents, friends, and community members. Neither does he discuss a single accomplishment he is proud of. This statement could very well disqualify the applicant since he failed to provide the required information for review and consideration.

Review the prompt requirements again. Provide the information regarding your character based upon the 3 considerations points: family, friends, community members. Then provide the proud moment discussion. Do not use any portion of this essay as it does not contain applicable information.

There are more than several UBC response statements for this prompt available in this forum. You are welcome to review those samples to help you get a better idea of an acceptable response statement based on this prompt.