Writing Feedback / More people become well-known for their scandals and wealth, instead of their exceptional talent [2]

You are over discussing this essay to the point where you will not be able to complete all the task requirements within the 40 minute writing allowance. There should not be more than 300 words in your final copy. There must be less of a focus on word count and more on clarity of logic, reasoning, and simplicity of the presentation. Keep it within 5 sentences per paragraph, with no more than 3 cohesive reasoning paragraphs in the presentation.

For this type of essay, only 2 reasoning paragraphs would be sufficient. No need to over discuss. Keep track of the time allowance. This is not a comparison essay. It is a single opinion discussion essay. That means, you defend your opinion using 2 clear reasons in individual paragraphs. Only the reason(s) related to your opinion will be scored. All other lengthy but unrelated discussions will not be considered within scoring requirements.

Writing Feedback / Topic: "If you were the mayor of your town or village, what would you do to improve the quality " [3]

Learn to outline your ideas before you write the paper. That way, your discussion points are always related and focused on the theme of the paper. In this case, the theme is "What would I do to improve the quality of life in my city as a mayor?" So the outline should focus on discussion related to public health, public safety, and local culture development.


Focus on projects a mayor can complete. What you are talking about are national projects. These need more than just the mayor's influence to happen. Look at local projects for the local police, health centers, and local tourism. Those are the areas a mayor has direct control over. You may however, discuss representing the city with the national road development agency if you want to have road projects related to traffic decongestion. I would however, ask you limit the scope of your discussion to just the local things you do not need national approval for.

Grammar, Usage / I am an introvert. My strengths are the ability to work independently and creatively, I can complete [3]

As an introvert, you are not concerned with helping your partner succeed. A true introvert has an inward personality that works better alone, thinking only of himself, with limited social engagement. You prefer a calm environment through the lack of social interaction. The texbook definition of this noun is:

a person who prefers calm environments, limits social engagement, or embraces a greater than average preference for solitude. a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings.

Therefore, the last part of your claim in this statement is incorrect. If you are concerned for the results of something in relation to your partner, then you are not an introvert. You may want to rethink your self-description for authenticity.

Writing Feedback / Some people have chosen to take a holiday trip away from home to other provinces [2]


What is the cultural relevance of Tet beyond marking a season? This reference has to be further explained if you are to properly identify the importance of this event on both a social and family basis.


What sets Tet apart from the other holidays when the family also gathers? What is the relevance of the family gathering? Why can the other festicals not duplicate the same sense of importance in their occassions?


You prove this with what description?


Is this in reference to tourists? Please clarify who you are referring to in this sentence to help the reader better understand your reference point.


Remove the comma and use the word "and" instead. That is because a comma is used to connect a list of at least 3 words, you only have 2 words to connect.


Huh? Incomplete sentence.

Letters / ERASMUS Letter of Motivation GLOCAL (Global History & Creative Industries Pathway A) [3]

The first you have to do is shorten this motivational letter to a simple 4-5 paragraph presentation. Your letter over discusses and borders in being a biography in some parts. Focus only on the important aspects of the motivation letter. It wil do you well to read the sample EM motivation letters here and the others available via search engines. You will see how the correct letters manage to work with 5 paragraphs at the most. It does not have to be very long nor minutely detailed because it is not a statement of purpose, just a motivation. Focus on:

- Why you believe you should increase you academic learning at this point in your career
- How you see yourself improving during your studies in both years, include a reference to your academic foundation but not too much. Only as it relates to the course choice.

- What you bring to the program
- Why you chose EM and the university.
- How these studies will apply to your career upon your return.

Simply put, the letter can do with professional editing. It is possible to make this more responsive without having to write new materials, just reducing or deleting certain aspects. A professional editor can help you do that or, you can try to do it yourself since you will best know which parts of this letter you want to keep and what you believe will help your application.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of household with electrical appliances and the number of hours of housework per week [2]


The importance of the number of images indicated cannot be overemphasized. The number of images and what each imager represents in summary will create the summarized discussion basis for your report and analysis. These create the imagery for the reader. Therefore, the number of images plus the actual chart type is important. By the way, these are not chart images but line graph images. You made a mistake in the image identifier section.


Lager is a type of beer, which you obviously are not talking about here. Word choice and correct usage will either increase or decrease your score. When uncertain of the word reference, Use an equivalent for it. Remember to also spell check because sometimes, wrong spelling can incorrectly sneak into your sentences and presentations.That will also lower your score.

.

Undergraduate / The Importance of Staying Active - UBC What is important to you [2]

There is a disconnection between mental health, physical health, cross country, and your stressors in life. It is all a matter of laying out the correct foundation for your overall well-being that will fix that. Start with the foundation of your health. Why is Cross-Country running important to you both as an event and exercise form? Talk about that then relate it to your father's illness or vice versa depending upon which occured first. The rest will follow. I would not focus on physical health and well being in this paper. I would focus on the importance of overall health (mental, physical, spiritual) and connect the dots to create a solid interpretation of why the overall health of your being is important to you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: Languages, other than English, that British students at a university in England can speak [2]


Be specific about the chart types and the chart representations. I am sure that you are aware of the several types of charts available, which is why properly identifying the type of chart is part of the TA scoring process. The proper differenctiation of the charts through its representations is also part of this consideration. Do not forget to identify the number of charts as well to help increase the clarity of the image summary.


Avoid providing specific information in the trending sentence / paragraph. This should only be a general reference. You may use the decades reference but no more than that because the minute actual data is mention, the analysis and comparison discussion requirements will kick in. Sadly, you cannot discuss the image information in the summary overview + trending statement / paragraph section.

Good work in the analysis and reporting paragraphs. These are accurate to a fault. The 3rd paragraph could have been shorter to help keep the balance of the overall presentation, which was based mostly on the 3 sentence per paragraph presentation. The 3rd paragraph threw off the balanced discussion presentation. You could have added to the analysis of the 4th paragraph to help balance out the presentation. The 3rd paragraph has a run-on sentence in the last presentation. Based on the information presented, another sentence, rather than a comma should have been used in the final infofrmation presentation. That is due to the last half of the sentence presenting a stand alone string of information that cannot be coupled with the previous information.

Writing Feedback / Many people prefer to work for the same company all their whole time-life of working [3]


Good work on restating the two public opinions. Bad work on presenting a non-commital response to the "give your opinion" part of the discussion. In this form, the restatement has been fulfilled but the personal opinion presentation was not. So there will be a scoredown for the missing person opinion aspect. Remember, the score for the task is also scored on the clarity of your personal opinion presentation in the Restatement + Personal Opinion part. Without the clear personal opinion, you cannot be given a score for that section.

Offering a general discussion does not reallly work well for this type of 3 reasoning paragraph presentation. You can actually respond either in a 2 reasoning or 3 reasoning paragraph format. To get a complete score for the reasoning section, you have to explain each public opinion and then offer your opinion of each in the same paragraph or, use the third person discussion points for each viewpoint in a stand alone paragraph, then offer your personal opinion as the third paragraph presentation. If you read your presentation, you will see that you used only your personal opinion based on a general discussion format, without really identifying the differences in points of view based on the original prompt indicators.

While the essay does contain a summary conclusion, the missing clarity of the discussion paragraphs will be the main cause for the scoredown of this essay.

*Contact us privately for a review based on the scoring criteria.

Undergraduate / Overcoming setbacks. UBC personal profile essay : TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE [2]

The problem is that YOU HAVE TO REWRITE THIS ESSAY FROM SCRATCH. Read the prompt and then review your essay. All you talk about from beginning to end is how you overcame ADD. You focused on the "I" presentation rather than the "they view me" requirement. You are indeed admirable for all you have accomplished throughout your brain and learning impairment. However, that does not tell the reviewer anything about how the illness affected the way your parents, friends, and community view you as a person, in a positive light. The essay speaks of a strong personal accomplishment, focusing on the final part of the essay, but totally disregards the first half of the discussion requirement. The ADD is one thing, how this illness will make you an asset to the student community, as a family member, friend, and colleague is another thing.

Undergraduate / Balance - UBC Tell us about who you are. [3]

As far as I am concerned, this is a very good example of successfully blending all your positive traits, across different social settings, into one reference of what and why you are proud of something you have done. The way the essay was developed in an inter-related manner is proof of your development as a person. You have managed to highlight how yo uare viewed through your actions, which directly relate to a mental and social maturity that could very well blend into the UBC student community. If there is anything I would change though, it is the unnecessary introduction you made of yourself and your family background at the very start. You could have better used that word count to further strengthen the last paragraph. It is important that you avoid unnecessary references in a word limited essay. Use every word to highlight the actual focus, do not divert the attention of the reader. Do not leave any important aspects under explained or developed. Your last paragraph would definitely benefit from additional information after the introduction is deleted. Overall, still a good job.

Writing Feedback / Living in a foreign country can cause serious social problems [2]

I am not sure what prompt you think you are responding to but, it is not in line with the original Task 2 prompt which is:

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Based on the aforementioned prompt, it is impossible for your essay to get a passing score when the following errors are considered:
- Incorrect prompt restatement + writer's opinion (Task response format is wrong)
- Irrelevant reasoning paragraphs. Both paragraphs are difficult to understand due to the improper sentence structures and the difficulty of the writer in finding the correct words to use to help take his ideas from thought to paper. It appears that niether discussion paragraphs are related to the language reference of the original prompt.

The summary conclusion is also incorrect when the original prompt and reasoning parameters are considered. This essay does not appropriately represent the task. It is a non-passing essay.

The focus of your discussion has to be on the social problems caused by language barriers. It should also represent some practical issues regarding communication of people who do not speak the language of the country they are in. It is obvious that you misunderstood the prompt to a great extent, leading to the incorrect discussion presentation.

By the way, use first person pronouns since your direct opinion is required. Saying "this writer" infers that you are making a statement regarding something that someone else wrote. It is an improper opinion source reference.

Undergraduate / An emerging young adult - UBC Essay Application: Tell us about yourself [2]


Why is that so? Offer an example of your "adulting" skills in terms of being a responsible and independent person. You offered examples for everything else, do not forget to give a clear example for this reference as well. Yes, you made need to edit the content for word count allotment.

You covered most of the bases in terms of discussion requirements. You just missed out on an example of your civic mindedness in terms of how your community perceives you. This perception can be based on any activity such as religious, volunteer, or being a member of a civic organization. The reviewer wants to have an idea of how you are perceived when you are in a team atmosphere. That is because you will be among a diverse community of students. So this is actually one of the more important points of view that you can present.

Writing Feedback / The diagrams show the flooding area and two solutions to cope with that. [2]

Please work on creating more understandable sentences for your essays. In this particular essay, you truly have a problem in presenting your thought ideas in sentence form. The sentence structures are problem filled because of your inability to form coherent sentence ideas. This is most specially true for the summary overview. Your summary of the images are going to force a failed GRA score due to the confusion your statement has created.


While this is an English phrase and it was used properly in the context of the presentation, it is not an academic form of reference to the expense of construction. Never forget that you are writing an academic paper so you cannot use non-academic words and phrases in the presentation. Such references are better used in creative writing presentations.

You are also mostly just mimicking the illustration points rather than trying to present these in your own words. These will cause deductions as you are showing an inability to restate the image clue/ keywords. Since these are direct cut and paste presentations, you will lose task points in the relevant sections.

You do not show any improvement over the course of your essay writing. This being the 3rd essay you are seeking advice on, I am starting to wonder if you are even listening to the advice that I am giving you at this point. Maybe you do not care for the advice I provide? If so, then consider this the last piece of advice you will receive from me.

Writing Feedback / CHILDCARE BY AN EXTENDED FAMILY OR PARENTS? [2]

Reviews for essays based on IELTS band descriptors are done in a private capacity already. Right now, we only offer general reviews for the essays provided. The review of your essay will still be useful to you as a reference.

Your opinion is incomplete. While this is an agree or disageree essay, it is also, an extent essay. So your response is only partly correct as it does not respond using the emotional response requirement. You will only get a partial score for your partly correct response format.

Now, the reasoning paragraphs are acceptable with the exception of your reference to the stamina of the extended family. You are automatically assuming that the elderly relatives will be caring for the children rather than a mix of both young and old relatives, creating an error in your judgement of the prompt discussion requirement. You may receive deductions for this incorrect assumption.

The conclusion was good, but failed to add a reference to your extent response, which the examiner will look for when awarding scores per paragraph consideration, prior to the full scoring consideration.

Scholarship / "The environment is no one's property to destroy..." personal statement essay [2]


You do not need the words of others to impress your ideology regarding the environment upon the reviewer. Use your own words to explain what you believe, what you want to do, and why it is important to you. Using the words of other people lessens your image as an applicant in the reviewer's eyes because you cannot explain your ideology on a personal level.


Do not discuss Korea's accomplishments to the reviewer. Instead, merge that accomplishment with your plans for your own country. Take inspiration for your motivation from it, but do not mention it as a direct part of your motivation. Discuss the waste management problem in your country, then relate a Korean solution to it as what you want to learn about. Do not lecture, instead, develop a picture of your solution to your country's problems based on the Korean reference. Commonalities and differences will help in developing your idea.

Scholarship / Networking Is Being With The Right Person - Chevening Networking Essay [2]

I am reviewing your essay upon instructions from the forum moderators.

Focus on your professional networking skills and applications. This current application does not properly reference how your contacts have helped you create a solid professional series of contacts who have been helpful to the development and advancement of your career. You speak of these contacts mostly in amateurish and learning manners, without any reference to your actual work skills and how these contacts helped in the completion of your projects.

Basically, your essay is a series of name-dropping situations, without any actual benefit to your professional achievements. It does not really compare to the other applicants who have proper and relevant networking specifications in their applications . You have not shown any true career advancement, nor indicated why these networks would be a definite plus if you are accepted as a Chevening scholar. The name dropping is irrelevant when it does not connect properly with your career path and Chevening scholarship requirements.

Writing Feedback / Essay about replacing Art, Sport and Music subjects with subjects such as Information Technology [2]


You are referring to this essay in terms of task 1 wording. This is not good to use in a task 2 essay. That is because this is considered a personal reference that does not related directly to the original prompt statement. This creates an inaccurate version of the original topic.


Aside from the fact that this is a non-academic phrase, you are also not responding directly to the reference question in the original promopt. So your opinion does not have any solid thesis reference for the discussion aspect. The summary of the discussion plus your opinion presentation lacks in clarity and strength.


Summarize the 2 reasons why you disagree to create the discussion outline in relation to your opinion. That will make a solid opinion statement on your part.


This needs further explanation development. It is incomplete and does not clearly connect with your opinion. Explain why this labeling is bad for the student in a manner that supports your idea.


2 problems with this presentation. First, you cannot use conjunctions (don't = do not) in academic writing. That is a GRA deduction. Second, there is no reference in your restatement that a solution statement is required in the discussion. Since you added this at the end of the summary conclusion, this will cause points deductions due to an incorrect reverse paraphrase. Do not include information that is not directly requested in the prompt requirement. If it was asked for, then it should have a stand alone defense paragraph in the body of paragraphs.

Letters / Motivation letter for Ph.D. in Max Planck School of Cognition (Cognitive Psychology & Neuroscience) [3]

You have the ability to control the content of your personal statement, based on what the prompt requirements are, you can say anything you want to, as long as it pertains to the development of your interest in the field. There are just 2 problems in a personal statement. Too much information could make you seem overqualified for the maaters you are applying to. Too little information, would make you appear less than qualified to take the course. Balancing the personal statement is therefore, a delicate balance. As far as I am concerned, your essay falls more under the over qualified aspect. Try to keep this presentation short, use only one or two highlights to discuss. Choose what you feel to be your most notable accomplishment in every area for the presentation. The information that you feel will best stand up to the competition when compared qualification per qualification. By the way, this is a personal statement, not a motivation letter. You misidentified it in the title bar.

Writing Feedback / Employers should give longer vacations to employees ( writing task 2) [2]

The prompt restatement + opinion is incorrect. It does not contain the original reference points for the topic basis. What is presented is the personal opinion of the writer, causing a failed task accuracy score. Yes, it is going to fail even as you provide a proper response to the agree or disagree question. That is because you did not provide a proper restatement or representation of the original prompt. Once there is a prompt alteration, as in your presentation, it will automatically have a failing TA score.


You cannot start a sentence with a connecting word. It is in fact, unnecessary in your sentence presentation. It was only used as an unnecessary word filler. Avoid using unnecessary words in your sentence formation, this can have a negative GRA effect.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - Next year developments in an airport are illustrated in the maps provided [2]

Please get out of the compressed idea presentation per sentence mindset. The more information you try to add to a single sentence, the less understandable your discussion becomes. Try to properly represent your thoughts over several sentences. You will not be scored less for using 5 sentences, but you will be scored less when your sentences confuse the reader. Let me show you a clear example of one of your unclear sentences due to its long structure:


Had you used a period to refer to the modifications then inferred the changes that would be made to the facilities in the next sentence, the presentation would not seem like an incomplete sentence presentation. You could have instead referenced this as:

There will be notable changes to the facilities of the airport, specifically in the departure and arrival areas.

*Yes, it has to be areas+S because the reference has become plural since there is more than one inter-related section listed in the sentence.


Obvious lack of proof reading and information comparison with the image. It is Car Hire, not care hire.


The summary conclusion you are presenting at the end is unnecessary. There is no need to repeat the information that was presented in the first paragraph. This is not an opinion essay, it is only a report presentation with analysis. There is no personal opinion required. Do not confuse yourself with the paragraph sections of the Task 1 and Task 2 essays.

Writing Feedback / The chart below show the average proportions of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar in meals [2]

We do not rate the essays based on the IELTS considerations for free. For sectional scoring and assessment, you will have to contact us privately. Our free service only covers general reviews at this point. That will be the basis of the review for your essay.


Since you are mentioning the chart titles later on in the summary, you have to mention "the individual pie charts" to help the reader better understand the enumeration that will ber used later on in the summary sentence.


You have to list the 4 meals as specified in the overall image presentation. This will add to the clarity to the meal type reference as required. As a basic rule, when something is listed seperately in the image, you need to include that in the summary presentation. It adds to your task accuracy.

Your analysis reference is not balanced. You over focused on the explanation of the third paragraph, when these should have been divided into 2 paragraphs to correctly follow the balance of discussion for 2 or more images.

Letters / Academic (LOR) Letter of recommendation for MS in Energy Systems Engineering [3]

This letter is very unprofessional. It does not contain the wording and phrasing that a high level college professor, a retired professor Emeritus at that, would be using in writing a recommendation letter. The opening phrase is so insulting, the reviewer will immediately know that this letter was not completed by the professor himself, but was written by the student, who did not know how to focus the letter on the proper areas required of a recommendation.

The recommendation letter cannot only focus on the skills of the student and his ability to perform in class. There needs to be a character reference, an observation regarding his ability towards teamwork, potential to receive and react positively to criticism, among others. This letter, is not going to be helpful to the application. In its current state, this will immediately be seen as a fraud and will get the student banned from any future applications at the university or scholarship program based on faslification of academic documents.

Writing Feedback / Mandatory history courses for students? Relying on the outcomes of the past events is not useful. [2]


This phrase made your opinion statement less than convincing. You are uncertain of your opinion in a set up that requires you to have the strength to back up your opinion with facts and strong personal references. If you had skipped this statement of doubt, your opinion presentation would really be convincing and strong. You have to present your opinion that shows you standing by your statement, regardless of what other people think. Your uncertainty is reflected more than once in this essay, which really makes your discussion even weaker and unimpressive.


You are writing an academic essay. You cannot use contractions. Alwayse use both words for formalities sake.

In reference to the understandability of your essay, it is understandable overall, regardless of the incorrect grammar and sentence structures. You have done an almost acceptable job in this test. More practice is still required. You have the potential to get a high score because you can make yourself understood even with imperfect English. Work on perfecting your sentence presentation and word usage to achieve that.

Writing Feedback / The graph shows the amount of money earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002 [2]

Incorrect writing format. You cannot use the task 2 essay format for the task 1 essay. The task 1 essay is comprised of no more than 3-4 paragraphs, depending on the number of images presented for the examinee. You only need 3 paragraphs in this essay:

- Summary +trending sentence
- Analysis and comparison 1
- Analysis and comparison 2

There is no concluding statement in the task 1 test.

The third paragraph is over written due to the incorrect presentation format. The comparisons must be divided into 2 paragraphs. I would suggest that you rewrite this essay using the correct presentation format instead. I cannot accurately review your writing skills at this point because your presentation format is incorrect.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: the information taken from a report on the energy consumption in the USA since 1980 [2]

In reality, your summary sentence is not changed enough to be considered an information restatement on your part. This was caused by the use of more of the original keywords in your presentation, rather than the use of word equivalents. If the examiner suspects that you cannot write anything original, and need to use cut and paste references for any reason, there will be a very strong tendency for the examiner to give you a failing grade.


In comparison to what country? The reference point is incorrect. This should not use a comparative format, but be written as a statement of fact instead.

The analysis paragraphs are mostly confusing run-on sentences that could have used more clarity in the presentation. You need to write individual idea sentences instead of merged idea sentences. The latter is what resulted in the under developed and somewhat confusing comparison paragraphs. You skipped on the reporting and analysis of specific information from the line graphs.

Research Papers / Research paper on why serial killers choose to commit multiple murders [2]

The opening statement lacks impact. Try to come up with a more interesting hook for your presentation. For impact, you can name the serial killer and the crime committed or just the crime spree as publicly known. For example:

Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, The BTK Killer, Ted Bundy. Names that immediately strike fear into the hearts of any person. Their crime? These are only a few of the most well-known serial killers in history. These serial killers committed multipile murders that go beyond regualar reasoning...

Your opening was direct to the point, which made it lack the important hook that would keep the reader interested in what you have to say in the research paper. By referring to names, situations, or historical crimes first, you create a bigger buzz surrounding your research paper.

Undergraduate / WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY? Knowing my limits [2]

Knowing your limits refers to actually finding out what your limitations are and how you got around it. It does not refer to your being too lazy to study and then later on cramming to improve your grade. Since you never really reached your limit, it is incorrect to say that you consider knowing your limits as important. This is a reference that can only be used by people who have actually gone all the way, failed (know your limits), then succeeded (overcoming your limits). I do not get any sense of this in this writing. I am not convinced by your limitations discussion. Rather, you should be referencing the importance of a proper study ethic in the life of a student who would like to to have good grades for college education considerations.

Writing Feedback / These days people in some countries tend to live a lavish lifestyle [2]


Use of a memorized phrase will be a score deduction in the TA section. Avoid using place holder phrases as you were taught in your English classes. Learn to write at a college, rather than high school level, which is what the use of this phrase indicates(HS level writing).


One idea per sentence. Seperate the response presentations. Do not use a run-on presentation as it will be deducted from your GRA score. Additionally, provide correct responses that used topic statements to represent your responses. That way, the thesis statement or discussion foundation requirement will be met. A non-definitive response tends to not be given a high score due to empty logic and thought presentations.


You specifically said "2 reasons". Review the paragraph, you only presented one reason. Therefore, the paragraph is under developed and not fully discussed based on the stated basis. Avoid referring to the number of discussion points so that when you forget or fail to present the second topic, your essay will not be given an under-developed score.

The second reasoning paragraph has no completely developed explanation either. The writer wrote fast, but did not try to develop the explanation to a believable state. The main problem in this essay is the thought and explanation development.

Writing Feedback / The consumption of sugar based drinks is on the rise. How to tackle this problem? [2]




Incorrect. These are the writer's personal opinions, which are not referenced at all in the original prompt. By including these sections in your topic restatement, you will be scored down for adding your own information, unsupported by the original prompt. The topic representation is now incorrect. Never use specific references in your restatement. Keep it general in reference. No attestations, no additional information.


By using a non-responsive statement to address the questions provided, you have not provided a clear insight and opinion regarding the topic. The questions asked were to be used to create or establish your 2 paragraph discussion points. This is a summarized discussion presentation that is needed to allow the examiner to judge your English comprehension and logic skills. Answer the questions next time.

Based on these errors, the student will not achieve a truly passing score for the first half of the essay. The first half has a tendency to fail, which will affect the remaining scoring considerations when added up to produce the final score.

Writing Feedback / It is argued that schooling from early age would be ideal for the children' development [2]

While the prompt restatement and opinion is not grammatically accurate, it is still understandable enough for an ENL. Your thought process is clear even if the word choice is not. Your opinion is understandable even though it could use further clarity. This paragraph will not get a failing score, but it will not get a high score either due to the word choice and sentence structure situation.

Please make sure to use the 3 reasoning paragraph next time. Ensure that you use the third person pronouns in the first two paragraphs that discuss the prompt provided public opinions. Then use the first person reference in the third to indicate your personal interest. The first 2 paragraphs need to explain the basis of the public opinion, what makes it right and (in transition) what makes it wrong. For your personal statement, explain why you support a particular public opinion. Base this on your personal knowledge and experience.

As of now, the current 2 paragraph essay provides a general discussion presentation. It does not differentiate between the public and personal opinion. The default understanding will be that you presented only your personal opinion of both public statements, which is not how the essay should be formatted.

Graduate / Motivation Statement for MS Game and Media Technology in Utrecht University [2]


Like is not enough of a reason to want to study this MS course. Unless you can create a statement that indicates a dedication to developing games, I would not refer to "like" in the essay.


Specifically mention the overlapping points and why these have prepared you for the demands of the masters course. The reviewer will be interested to learn about how your multifaceted training managed to merge into one applicable learning process for you. It may even be a notable highlight of your application.


This is a very interesting point that needs further development. Be specific about how you see yourself applying your future studies to the projects. What aspects of your personal projects will benefit from the advanced studies?

The academic motivation is very clear in your writing. My last suggestion leaves room for additional development. Try to add a professional aspect to the motivation letter. Talk about your simple career plan and how these studies can help. For example, you can infer that you plan to start your own gaming studie after graduating from the MS course, making it more imperative for you to complete these studies.

Scholarship / "A suitable candidate" - Could you help me out with the Stipendium Hungaricum (Scholarship) essay? [2]


Wanting to study for free in a foreign land is not an acceptable reason to apply for the scholarship. There needs to be an interest in what the country, the educational system, and the potential internships offers. Use the guid questions to build your reason for wanting to apply for the scholarship. The clues leading to a proper response can be found there.


This is of no interest at all to the reviewer, who will base his review of your letter on the prompt requirements. Did you even bother to read the requirements? it is fairly obvious that your letter is not following the required information presentation format. You are about to get placed in the reject pile at this point.


Are you applying for a masters in languages or in medicine? I am confused at this pooint. You were really focused on learning languages for the most part. Now you want to open a medical clinic? Which is it?

Writing Feedback / " It is beneficial for teenagers to receive pocket money from their parents". Do you agree? [2]

There are several problems with your opening statement. The first, is that you used a direct cut and paste of the topic provided in the original presentation This will result in an automatic TA failing score as you cannot present an original thought based on the provided information. Cut and paste of the original will ensure an automatic failing score for the overall presentation, even as you are given minimal scores in the other sections later on.

You are also not providing a clear opinion regarding the topic. You both agree and disagree with the given statement. Resulting in another failing TA score due to the writer not having a clear opinion pertaining to the given discussion instruction. At this point, you cannot expect to pass the test at all and it will be useless for me to continue reviewing your work. There is absolutely no way you will achieve a passing score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Should students pay for their colleges' tuition fee, or government? [2]


This is highly non-academic in reference. Avoid using too much everyday English words that are informal in presentation. Remember that you are still writing an academic paper, even if it is conversational in tone. Respect for the academician must be evident at all times.


Do not confuse studies with a career. Studies refers to the learning of a student aligned with his interests. A career is an occupation or profession. You have been regularly mixing up these two references in your current presentation. The misuse of these words will definitely pull down your LR score.


This is a run on sentence representation. Your thoughts are tied together but not properly explained nor justified in a convincing manner. There are no proper and believable examples provided to support the claims made. Try to avoid compressed statements for clarity purposes.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne [2]

Two things are missing from your summary overview. The first is the number of charts. The second, is the type of charts. You also do not identify that the infomation presented is for both ways, using the same start and end points in reverse formation for each image. Identifying the image by destination would have helped with that clarification. You are also using a singular reference platform for what should be plural indicators since there are 2 images presented. Be consistent. These must be discussed in plural form due to the non-singular number of images.


You do not need an apostrophe here because you are not indicating a possession of an item. The apostrophe version is used only when indicating ownership.


This is confusing. You are not grouping the discussions properly. You should be compelting each comaprison discussion for the charts in single paragraphs. One paragraph for week 1 and 2, based on destination each. I find the information presentation confusing to follow and difficult to connect with either of the given images.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Children with mobile phone discussion [2]

As a basic rule, you must not begin the discussion of your opinion in the prompt restatement + opinion paragraph. This is only a 3 sentence paragraph comprised of:

- Discussion topic
- Reasoning basis
- Writer opinion + thesis statement

The first 2 sentences in your paragraph are personal opinion presentations that have altered the prompt discussion and its actual reasoning. So your essay will be deemed task inaccurate in terms of restatement, regardless of how proper your opinion statement is.

Your prompt restatement will be the main cause of the failure of your essay. It fails to properly restate 2 things before your personal opinion:
- Public opinion 1
- Public opinion 2

If you compare the original statement with your representation, you will see that you failed to recreate the statement based on the supplied reason. So the essay cannot move forward and be scored in a manner that will allow it to pass. If your restatement is not attuned with the original, then the essay has already failed a major part of the requirements for scoring.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - ESSAY ABOUT ECONOMICS [2]


Your summary is well developed. It properly enumerates the markets involved and the trends that the collective comparison shows. It is really a well analyzed summary. However, it falls short of a proper image identification. Yes, the presented image is a chart. However, you need to be specific about the type of chart because you could have been presented with a pie chart, a bar chart, or a columnar chart. The specific image identification helps should that you truly analyzed the image and that you are familiar with measurement images. Good job, but it could have been better.


ear
You may as well mention the starting year since it was mentioned in the image. If you see an identifier for some information in the image, then use that specific reference in your statement because it will be the starting point for clarity in your cited presentation. Remember, you mentioned specific years later on in the paragraphs. Be consistent in your information citation to help with the C+C score of your essay.

Writing Feedback / The tables give information about the temperatures and daylight hours in 4 cities during same week [2]


Make it clear that the measurement was done during the same year for the same last 3 days of the year. It is not the same week during the final month of that year. You need to clarify that statement because of the chart reference to specific dates. Name the dates in the summary. You can gloss over it in the body, but not in the summary.


Please review the chart. There is no specification for 2 urban areas. Only country locations. Your information reference misleads the reader and will result in misinformation being delivered. Yes, it is tantamount to Fake News. Do not add references that will not be supported by a review of the image. Your information report has just become highly inaccurate in terms of meeting task requirements.

Undergraduate / Taking Initiative - UBC Personal Profile Admissions - What is important to you and why? [2]

There is a problem with your claim. While you did take the initiative to make your voice heard and I believe that you did meet with the board to make your thoughts heard, the changes that occurred did not happen just on your inititative alone. Rather, a team was created to make this project a reality. That is what you failed to clarify in this essay. A single person alone cannot make all of these changes happen. It requires a team effort. So, while taking the inititiative to start the project was present, the fact that it was a shared effort was misrepresented. Based on what you shared in the essay, the reflection of teamwork and shared initiative are important to you. These go hand in had when you review your statement. One could not have happened without the other. I would suggest that you revise the essay to reflect both teamwork and inititiative as important to you in a related manner. It would make more sense and strengthen your claims.