justivy03
Aug 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students to attend schools to learn or not? [5]
Hi Adi, below are my suggestions for the 2nd paragraph of your essay.
-That being saidHaving said that ,
- attendingto school is a must
- aspectfo thefor most children,
- as this willafford to build more confidence
-offor kids when
- theyconfront with othersconquer the world .
- A 2013 recentuniversityUniversity of Utah research disclose that 85%
- of I ndonesian's young population
-whichare determined to study - at home is being socializedare also sociable .
- In fact,that they utilize
-thetheir time of them interacting each
- This resultsin manyto a lot of peers
- being recquired and makes it easier to speak in public.
- However, thiswill brings the increasing number of
- the beststudy field of study between
- home and schoolis of beneficialhas its benefits and drawbacks .
- In factthat, both of
- themwll buildbuilds a child's development.
There you have it Adi, I hope this modifications help in your revision and for future writing reference, mind the linking verbs, the right forms of the words you use and how you associate this in the sentences.
Hi Adi, below are my suggestions for the 2nd paragraph of your essay.
-
- attending
- aspect
- as this will
-
- they
- A 2013 recent
- of I ndonesian's young population
-
- In fact,
-
- This results
- being recquired and makes it easier to speak in public.
- However, this
- the best
- home and school
- In fact
- them
There you have it Adi, I hope this modifications help in your revision and for future writing reference, mind the linking verbs, the right forms of the words you use and how you associate this in the sentences.