Writing Feedback / IELTS: the peak of epidemic X disease (500 cases) [2]

You write well. A few edits do I find.

The given line graph illustrates a reserachresearchdone by a university lecturer regarding the number of incidence of X disease cases found over a 35- year period between 1960 and 1995 in Someland.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that of 100 such cases identified at the beginning of thefirst period remained steady at that point untilfor 5 years later. In 1975, a tremendous increase accumulated up to 500 cases was prior to a considerable increase begun in 1970. After being flattened at 500 over 5 years, the trend declined substantially and continued to fall until 1990. This final falling became the most remarkable event considering that the epidemic was succesfully completely eradicated epidemic.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: using of chemical and preservation in food damage many people [2]

It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly.
That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Administrations often invest in the art such as music and theater. [8]


and


are of different meaning. Many students always try to use advanced vocabularies and patterns of writing. This is good as long as the vocabularies and patterns used can delivery the ideas as to response the prompt.

Writing Feedback / Doing work by machine? Work by hand is always easier, cheaper and eco friendly [8]


Doing work by hand is always easier if compared than machine. Also, this does not need the cost of repairs and daily maintenance


Given this evidence,...
For a concluding paragraph, it is nicer if you could construct this paragraph with the pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Different age group work in economical sector [9]

Dumi is right.
When we come to your writing, and this too works for others, we read it very carefully. We share what we understand.
I personally hope you do that vice versa; Come to our feedbacks and read them very carefully with your own volition. As a result, you will get one clear point: How to deal with the useful approach for the task.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Women and men in Fitness [2]

Well, I think you need to have an overview after the introduction.
Overview is an important feature in report writing for the reader to have a fair understanding about the proceeding contents that he is going to read in more detail.

No overview means you get penalized

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Table of poverty living in Australia [5]

The table presents the percentage of poor families livinggives information about poverty rates among six types of household in Australia during a calendarin the year 1999


The level of poverty were higher for single people than for couples, and people with children were more likely to be poor than those without. Poverty rates were considerably lower among elderly people.

Try to compare whole categories (columns or rows) rather than individual 'cells' in the table. If you can't compare whole categories, compare the biggest and smallest number. Write 2 sentences for the summary.


Just over one fifth of single parents were living in poverty (add this:whereas only 12% of parents living with a partner were classed as poor. )

In your two 'details' paragraphs, never describe each category (column or row) separately. The examiner wants to see comparisons. Try to organize the numbers you highlighted into 2 groups - one for each paragraph (e.g. highest numbers for all categories together, and lowest numbers together)

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: introduce new technology or free education [4]


a subject-verb agreement


Yes, fikri is right.


For the next essay, it is always good to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.
When you deal with the real test of IELTS , the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Writing Feedback / Culture in my hometown influences the increase cost of wedding party or marriage [7]

Mayday... Mayday... Mayday... all these accounts refer to one user: (all suspended )

Do you have more than one account here? I suggest you not to do it. Otherwise all accounts will be demolished
One individual may only have one account. If we find out you have more than one account, all your accounts will be removed without warning

This sentence I quote from EssayForum.com: Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, Terms of Use :

Writing Feedback / The prons and cons of the Internet [7]


This is called comma splice, occurring when you use a comma to join two complete sentences without placing an appropriate joining word between them.

A note to remember:
Log on to EF
On the new screen that opens up, under the LOGO "EssayForum",
Find and select your essay file on the "-Select Forum-" screen and click on "WRITING FEEDBACK".
On the screen that says "Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful!", write IELTS/TOEFL/GRE, etc with the keywords (Max. 50 characters)

Finally, copy and paste your Essay into the Message box. You are asked to complete the full prompt with your essay.
Always make it a habit of including the prompt on top of your essay :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Stress and how to reduce it [3]

A note to remember:
The key word here is "arguments": ie you need more than one argument and in a correctly constructed essay each argument requires a separate paragraph. So if you accept that you also need a separate introduction and conclusion, then you should see that you will need at least 4 paragraphs. Can you write 3 paragraphs? Yes, but to use a nice English idiom, you are playing with fire and you may get penalised.

Writing Feedback / Culture in my hometown influences the increase cost of wedding party or marriage [7]

Logon to EF
On the new screen that opens up, under the LOGO "EssayForum",
Find and select your essay file on the "-Select Forum-" screen and click on "WRITING FEEDBACK".
On the screen that says "Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful!", write IELTS/TOEFL/GRE, etc with the keywords (Max. 50 characters)

Finally, copy and paste your Essay into the Message box. You are asked to complete the full prompt with your essay.
Always make it a habit of including the prompt on top of your essay :)


Indonesia is of many islands with diverse cultures

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Happiness - factors and importance; "small gap between birth and death" [12]


You'd better rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrases, let's say maxim, proverb, etc., is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the assessor at all. You may get penalized.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Most people attend schools in order to be prepared for future careers [5]



The aforementioned evidence examines that most people attend colleges and universities as to how future careers, expand social network and gain useful knowledge could be prepared.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Many old buildings protected by law are part of a nation's history. [8]

(1) In conclusion, it can be conclude that we should (2) keep old build as history because (3) history remembers experience that is very (4) value . With the result, (5) new person in there can know about history. Then, in fact, (6) old build is heftier than new build .

Notes:
(1) In conclusion and it can be conclude have the same meaning. Omit one of them. Otherwise, they show redundancy
(2) Write preserve instead of keep
(3) Does not make sense. Redo this part.
(4) How do you measure the value from the interesting quality?
(5) This phrase needs an article. Write a new person
(6) Rewrite this part

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The graphs above give information about computer ownership [8]

This is the same note I always share with you :D
Although many sample writings for the five ones coming from some corners of the world are confidently shown, this seems more likely to make beginner students hard to polish their sentence structure . you'd better Focus on the time given, not the lengthy report.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: limited resources, infrastructure; traditional house vs modern apartment? [2]

Perhaps, you may start analyzing the prompt, like this:


Focus on the central topic


This is a task that should be accomplished

Here, we take a closer look at the part of your intro.


This is good, but shows complexity.

Let me give a try for the intro:
House is a place where most people spend their whole life. While some people claim that a traditional house preserves more privacy, some others argue that a modern house has an ideal location, which is mostly found in business and commercial activities. However, I would support that the traditional ones are more comforting, convenient, and peaceful.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Children are working for money, therefore they learn the value of money [4]

Children at work raise long-standing debates. While some people argue that this is good to teach new skills and experience, some others claim this idea is totally wrong because this deprives children of their childhood. Therefore, I too believe that work life experience contributes to children's development to be productive members of society during their adult life.

Essays / how can i make a good introduction? essay about myself [8]

Overall, an intro should describe the contents of the essay in a clear manner as to attract the attention of the readers to the essay topic and organization. As always, Google is the best friend. Everything you can find there.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: People attend collage or university especially for career preparation [9]


should be a plural noun


this is a countable noun


should be a plural noun
1. You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays.

2. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission.

3. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Planning new supermarket in Pellington (by upinipin) [7]

Note this points below retrieved from the same threads:
Diachronic maps
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: state what the direction of change is (is the city more modernized, has it turned to a tourist attraction/resort, etc)
Body: start with the most obvious changes and then try to cover all the changes.

Synchronic maps.
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: depending on what the purpose of those points are, give an opinion about which one may serve our purpose better.
Body: compare the two points

Remember: Bring simplicity and clarity. Do not make yourself too complicated :D
As I highlight "complicated" above, also it's always good to rewatch this YouTube:

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Planning a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington. [8]

Remember: Bring simplicity and clarity. Do not make yourself too complicated :D

Writing Feedback / 'monster if we cannot manage it well' - Movies or tv influence people's behavior [7]

Although many sample writings for the five ones coming from some corners of the world are confidently shown, this seems more likely to make beginner students hard to polish their sentence structure. you'd better Focus on the time given, not the lengthy report.

Always watch this YouTube (the four-paragraph essay) :D

youtu.be/NiKOtoizjDY

Writing Feedback / ielts - Every year several languages die cut; Language as pride of every nation [13]


It is an active form, isn't it? :D
They are victimized by impoverishment...


Always good to put a comma before but


Make your words simple and clear. I omit the phrase above because it contains many unnecessary words.

Letters / Motivation letter for master in facility and real estate managemnt [4]


What impressed me that is the program structure and direction match with the fields I've worked


I think you don't need to introduce your name here. This will be given in the end of the letter.



These phrases are verbose, containing unnecessary words. Possible solution: Omit them

Letters / Confidential Report on Applicant for Graduate Study [5]




I am clearly understand


She never giveS
You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: invite letter: for Tom - coming for a visit in Beijing [5]

For the next letters, try to construct the paragraphs into:
Para 1: Opening
Para 2: Invite your friend's son to come to your city
Para 3: Introduce some interesting places to visit
Para 4: Say something about the weather in the city you live
Para 5: Closing

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Do we value only what we struggle for? Kindly grade. [6]

Well, you should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.


You'd better rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase, just say Maxim, is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all.

Scholarship / Hospitality and Tourism management - why have you choosen this course of study? [4]

hey are fast paced , energetic and exciting fields which providesWell, the verb provides here should be a singular noun a wide range of career and employment opportunities ( a comma here) both at home and overseas in many and(I think the word many shows redundancy. Omit it) various industry sectors such as tour operators, airlines and hotel groups.


This is called comma splice, occurring when you use a comma to join two complete sentences without placing an appropriate joining word between them.

Writing Feedback / SAT: Learning from mistakes or from our successful actions? [6]


If you could, then break this long sentence. The readers are tired of memorizing so many facts you have written there.

Writing Feedback / The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By 2020 may be as many as 29 million vehicles. [3]


Here is the sample (page 77) retrieved from IELTS official website: ielts.org/PDF/Vol4_Report2.pdf

Perhaps you may start analyzing the prompt as to how to give a response.
1. Background information

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2020 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.

This is background information only. Not to be ignored, as it can be a vital source of both ideas and vocabulary.

2. The problem
Next comes an opinion based statement which introduces the question and poses a specific problem:


This is the part to note. The topic may be transport in general; but reading carefully it is more precisely:

3. The task

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : People move to cities is increasing [3]


It takes a bit more effort to have a good intro.


Oh dear, you seem to have misplaced the phrase. This is used when giving two very different ideas or opinions about something, especially when they need to be balanced against each other

Writing Feedback / IES: the state pay all students tuition fees, or students should pay themselves? [7]

1. It is always good to include the full prompt with your essay and write the purpose of your writing (IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) in the title so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments

2. You'd better conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.
3. I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then readers immediately know your writing needs more work to read.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I : Britons weekly expenditure on fast food (two charts) [8]


Don't sweat the small stuff, dear. Overall, your job is already good :D

Good luck for your exam.

uupppsss, a good note I found on net below:

Single graphs
Introduction: Here you sould state what the graph shows
Short body paragraph: state the most important piece of information here (summary/overview)
Main body paragraphs: Here you need to make comparisons and state the important features of the graphs (usually 2 paragraphs)

Double graphs
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bart chart shows..., and the second chart illustrates
Short body: Write 2 sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragraphs: If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each. If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons. In this case, you could write one paragraph describing all of the information, but it is still more preferable to write two paragraphs because it makes the essay look more organized

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The relative electricity consumption; 'spa is more extravagant used' [5]

This is the third same feedback.
I DO hope this is the last comment I share as to show my serious consideration on your IELTS writing.

I see all your writing presented consists of a five paragraph essay. And to tell you the truth, this is not too good because the improvement on vocabulary sentence structure, tone, etc. as to build coherence and cohesion is closely loosed . Although many sample writings for the five ones coming from some corners of the world are confidently shown, this seems more likely to make beginner students hard to polish their sentence structure. Focus on the time given, not the lengthy report.

Have this link if you really really really need to earn a good score:


An overview, not conclusion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: How greenhouse gases [3]

Hey there... I see all your writing presented consists of a five paragraph essay. And to tell you the truth, this is not too good because the improvement on vocabulary sentence structure, tone, etc. as to build coherence and cohesion is closely loosed . Although many sample writings for the five ones coming from some corners of the world are confidently shown, this seems more likely to make beginner students hard to polish their sentence structur e. Focus on the time given, not the lengthy report.


An overview, not conclusion. [b]Have this link if you really really really need to earn a good score: ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2014/03/ielts-writing-t ask-1-overview-not-conclusion.html

Writing Feedback / radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. [8]

Hey there... I see all your writing presented consists of a five paragraph essay. And to tell you the truth, this is not too good because the improvement on vocabulary sentence structure, tone, etc. as to build coherence and cohesion is closely loosed . Although many sample writings for the five ones coming from some corners of the world are confidently shown, this seems more likely to make beginner students hard to polish their sentence structure. Focus on the time given, not the lengthy report.

Have this link if you really really really need to earn a good score:


An overview, not conclusion. Have this link if you really really really need to earn a good score: ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2014/03/ielts-writing-t ask-1-overview-not-conclusion

Writing Feedback / IELTS General Training; 'growing trend of increasing the retirement age' [4]


You'd better rewrite or omit this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase, like saying, proverbs, etc. is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all to finish reading the essay. You may get penalized.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'sense of cooperation' - children should be competitive or cooperative? [8]

I always think that it is very nice to end an intro with stating your opinion although this essay is not Agree/ Disagree type. That helps you take the reader in your own desired direction.

Essays / Testimonial Writing; words to describe myself - Need Advice [5]


How to write a good description I found on the net:
1. Make sure to choose a meaningful person, place, or thing.
2. Introduce the person, place, or thing you are describing.
3. Engage your reader's sense of sight.
4. Describe smells and tastes if you can
5. Describe how the moment or item feels.
6. Describe how your subject sounds.
7. Make unique observations.
8. Include some figurative language.
9. Wrap it up.