Writing Feedback / Today, TV channels provide man's sport shows more than women's sport shows, why? personal opinion? [3]

Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete. You did a good job restating the topic and responding to the personal opinion. However, you failed to deliver the response to the "why" portion, which is part of the discussion outline requirement of that paragraph. You should have stated your reason there before your personal opinion. That is why your first paragraph is short by 1 sentence in reference to the paragraph sentence minimum requirement.

There are instances when your essay lacks a clear reference and vocabulary usage. What is a male playground in relation to a football match? That sentence did not make sense no matter how many times I read it. What are you referring to by man sports? The correct term is "male sports". Your essay suffers a lot in the C&C scoring section. You need to develop clear sentence writing skills. Do more sentence building exercises alongside your essay writing to help you develop clearer sentence presentations.

Research Papers / Can Disney World Florida Protect Your Family and Remain "the happiest place on earth"? [3]

Although this essay seems to be in completed form already, there are 3 areas of weakness that can be found within, that will require you to expand the essay coverage.

1. Lack of focus on the safety measures implemented by Disney World Florida. You are asking the questions "Can Disney World Florida Protect..." yet, you failed to present what safety measures the amusement park has set into place to protect its workers and its visitors. This should be presented in comparison to the sate guidelines for reopening of businesses.

2. You failed to look into the history of Disney World Florida and what standard good health practices they had in place previously. This should be discussed in reference to the extra precautions they have taken during this pandemic.

3. You have too many references to other sources in the essay. You should limit the reference to other sources because it appears like you relied too much on paraphrasing and cut and paste information for the completion of your research. You do not offer a personal opinion of the given information, you simply state it as a fact. You should be able to give a general assessment of the given discussion points in relation to protecting the park goers.

Writing Feedback / IS IT IMPORTANT TO OWN A HOME ? [3]

You should never offer a voice of uncertainty in the essay. You are scored on the strength of your decision based on your chosen opinion. By saying "suppose", that means that you are not convinced of the opinion you chose. Therefore, your defense will be weak and questionable. Always have a voice of authority and conviction. Clearly support an opinion and discuss why. Never say "I am not sure" in the discussion, it will affect your overall score.

You need to write with clarity. In the first paragraph, your first sentence is a bit confusing to read. The structure is not clear enough. You could have simply said:

Several nations believe that it is better to own a house instead of leasing one. This is the case because... Due to this reason, I believe this is a positive situation.

Such a format would have been clearer and also, properly outlined the discussion points as required in the paragraph. That is what the instructions require of the writer.

Good job on using first person pronouns to indicate your clear opinion. Good work on the example as well/ It helped to support the first reason, which means your essay is coherent and cohesive. You should get an acceptable score in that section.

More work needed on the concluding statement. You should be summarizing the discussion topics for the reader. It should not be in the form of a run on sentence. The 3-5 sentence requirement still applies.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : HOUSES VS APARTMENTS [3]

This is not a 5 paragraph essay. This only a 4 paragraph essay because the discussion requires you to discuss only a single opinion. It is not a comparative discussion with personal opinion essay. You have overwritten in this task. You should be focusing only on the discussion that you support in the given statement, that is the advantage aspect. The stronger discussion presentation for this type of essay is always the one that focuses only on the defense and support of a single opinion.

Do not break from the formatting requirements. The essay paragraphs must always have a minimum of 3 sentences. Your paraphrase, 2nd paragraph, 4th, and 5th paragraph presentation are not in accordance with the required discussion format. It would be better for your overall score if you stuck to the expected paragraph count and also, the expected number of sentences (3-5 sentences).

Writing Feedback / Write sentences to answer the questions: about a teacher [3]

Are you sure the name of your teacher isn't Jessica? Perhaps you misspelled it? You don't really justify why you believe she is the best English teacher. You should have presented some character traits that helped convince you she is a good teacher. The overall description of your teacher is not very informative nor believable. Perhaps it is because of the short length of your response. With only 93 words, you have left plenty of room to further develop a written image of your teacher. Try to use at least 150 words next time. Pay attention to your spelling, grammar, and vocabulary usage. Those were the sections with the most errors in this essay,

Spelling:

improoved - improved

Grammar:
take care - taking care

Vocabulary usage:
very good - exceptionally good

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Task 2: Selection of students based on their qualifications [4]

Your opinion should not have been stated in the opening paraphrase. You should only be repeating the discussion instructions in your own words in that paragraph. Your opinion should only be indicated in the 4th paragraph of the essay based on a comparison of the 2 public opinions. Your opinion cannot be given based on an opinion that does not exist in the original discussion. The opinion you present should be a culmination of the comparative discussion of the 2 public points of view. The only choices you have for the discussion are based on the provided information. You should never create your own opinion as you are scored based on your understanding and defense of the existing opinion, that you have decided to support.

Since the original prompt refers to "some people" and "others", the same gender free pronoun references should be indicated in the reasoning paragraphs. You can use other terms, to clarify that you are not yet discussing a personal opinion. Some terms you can use are alternative groups, and supporting sectors. You have to use these reference terms to make it clear to the reader that you are merely explaining the point of view, without actually supporting it. Once you discuss your personal opinion, you should use a first person reference that will help you illustrate why you support one of the two specific discussion presentations.

Your conclusion should be divided into sentences that indicate the separate representations of the previous discussion:
- The topic
- The first point of view and reason
- The second point of view and reason
- The personal opinion and reason

Writing Feedback / It is argued that railways are taking over roads as the most important transport [3]

You are misleading the reader. YOu have changed the discussion topic and discussion slant because of your improper prompt paraphrasing. When your prompt restatement is incorrect, your overall score will suffer. The error is clear in the breakdown below:

Original topic: Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads

Your Topic: It is argued that railways are taking over roads as the most important transport type so that the government should pay more money on it,

The original prompt does not indicate that railways are taking over roads as a transportation type. This is an incorrect statement as it is not supported by the original prompt. You should only be delivering new statements based on the original content and information. Do not make up your own discussion topics or reference points for the restatement. However, your response is still on track in reference to the question response.

Your prompt restatement and concluding summary do not meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement. These are not properly formatted into paragraphs. Both are run-on sentences and will receive proper points deductions in reference to the TA and GRA scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / Whether people should choose high paid jobs that they dislike or low-paid jobs that they enjoy. [4]

In this discussion, you should have shown a comparison between people who do the job for money and those who do it because they enjoy doing the job. You could have used both your discussion points, but offered an alternative scenario so that the examiner would have a better idea of why you believe that people who work in jobs they love, even if the pay is lower, would be more productive and happier when doing their paid tasks. As of now, you have given good discussion representations related to the "unhappiness" of people working in jobs only for money. The discussion lacks balance, the balance would have come from the "low pay but happy worker" presentation of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task2: computers are considered to be the most crucial and noticeable invention [3]

This is not a comparative essay discussion. Why did you approach it as such? You cannot "partly" agree with the essay because the discussion requirement for this essay is a single opinion presentation. It is not a comparative discussion and can never be a comparative discussion because of the "extent" requirement based on only 2 questions, agree or disagree? When you say "partly" , you go against the TA scoring requirement of having a clear point of view. A person with a "partial" opinion does not have an opinion at all. So pick one opinion and defend it. The extent response refers to how well and strongly you can defend your opinion. This is done through the dispelling of the ideas that the opposite opinion creates. To make your opinion strong, you explain why the other side is weak. That is what the extent essay is about. The discussion format could be:

Sentence 1: Topic sentence
Sentence 2: Explanation why people believe this reason
Sentence 3: Opposing topic in relation to the original topic
Sentence 4: Example to support your opposition
Sentence 5: Explanation in support of the opposition example that disproves the first topic discussion

The strength of the essay, of your opinion, lies in the coherence and cohesiveness of your reasoning paragraphs. The stronger your discussion, the more emotional descriptive words you use to defend your stance, the better your presentation will become. By the way, use 3 sentences at least in the prompt paraphrase and the summary presentation in the conclusion. Those are the expected formatting requirements for those paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / Due to unemployment should students learn the work skills instead of studying? [4]

Your paragraph presentations tend to be confusing at times. The confusion most likely comes from your lack of proper English sentence structures. You should work on developing your sentence presentation skills. Google actually has a free app for that. You may find it useful while you prepare for your test.

As for your discussion, you accidentally did it in reverse. The essay would have been better presented, and received a better score if you had provided your discussion regarding high school soft skills development before the college discussion. After all, the prompt was asking about having the student stop studying after their primary education, so high school would have been next, then college. Use the correct discussion progression in your presentations for coherence and cohesiveness scoring considerations.

Writing 304 words did not really help your essay because you made several notable errors in the spelling, grammar, and clarity sections of your presentation. Had you written only 275-290 words, you would have probably had some time left over from the 40 minute writing allowance to spot and correct those errors.

Writing Feedback / Controversial information should be kept as secret or not. [3]

There are supposed to be 5 paragraphs for this essay:
Par. 1: Prompt Paraphrase + discussion instruction
Par. 2: 1st public point of view explanation
Par. 3: 2nd public point of view assessment
Par. 4: Personal Opinion
Par. 5: Concluding summary

The public points of view can be made in general discussion form, with gender free pronouns in use, while the personal opinion needs to have at least 1 first person pronoun reference. Try to follow the advised discussion format for the presentation so that you can achieve a better overall band score. You have provided a discussion format that does not clearly depict a difference between the public and the personal point of view. It appears to be solely a personal point of view due to the lack of clear paragraph separation and lack of group pronoun references.

Scholarship / GKS Undergraduate Scholarship 2020 Personal Statement Philippines [3]

This is one of the strongest GKS applications I have read coming out of the Philippines. Your background and academic qualifications tell me that your application will receive ample consideration from the reviewers. The essay can be made stronger if you can mention what course you are interested in pursuing in Korea. You failed to mention that and the reviewer should know about that information in relation to your sports and academic interests. If you can provide a trifecta explanation for the reviewer, you should find yourself making it to the next round of considerations.You can remove the reference to your brother being a scholar abroad. It is not useful information in this case. The reviewer doesn't care about your brother. He just wants to focus on you as the GKS applicant.

By the way, are you applying via embassy or uni track? If you are applying via the embassy track, remove the reference to the SKY universities. Give the scholarship committee the chance to choose your university. They may decide to send you to a university other than your personal choice. Better leave their options open. If you are focused on one uni, and they don't approve of it, you might lose your chance at the scholarship.

However, if you are applying via uni track, then you need to build up the university discussion some more. Reference your course choice and why you chose the university in relation to the course and your background. What makes it work? What makes you appear to be the best student to attend the course at that uni? The betterment of your essay will depend upon your choice of uni or embassy track applications.

Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 1: The table given depicts forest area in six distinct regions in 15 years from 1990 [5]

@minhquan20 You are right, your essay is not under length. It is actually within the advised mid-range length of the discussion presentation. That means, the report will be getting the proper scoring consideration from the examiner. Good work on the word length. However, your summary overview is a bit lacking. While you have the image identified correctly and the years properly referenced, the country listing should have been provided as well. This would have made the presentation more thorough and truly an information summary paragraph. You also neglected to provide information regarding the measurement type, which in this case is forest area by hectare. All of these information are needed to help create a short version of the report, along with your trending statement.

Each paragraph needs to be 3-5 sentences long. Each paragraph also needs to have a proper complex sentence presentation. The 2 reporting pagraphs that you created do not meet the requirement. Simply using a comma to separate your sentences does not create a complex sentence, it only creates a long sentence. A complex sentence is comprised of an independent and dependent clause.

Letters / Task1- You are a member of an organisation which meets regularly at a particular restaurant. [2]

You did not capitalize the proper nouns referring to the name of the company you represented (Forbest Ltd.). The content of the letter is also incorrect. The instructions provided ask you to write a letter regarding a meal you had during a meeting at the restaurant. So that indicates there was a single meal taken by the group at the location. The meal had could have been breakfast, lunch, snacks, or dinner. Only one of the meals should have been indicated in the letter. Your presentation however, indicates a conference type set up, where several meals were served. This is incorrect. Review the instruction, only one meal reference was required in a meeting setting, not a conference setting.

The essay also suffers from several other errors with regards to spelling, grammar, and conciseness issues. Unfortunately, I will not be able to point these errors out to you without rewriting your whole letter. As that is an advanced service, you may want to consider hiring our private writing service or making this thread URGENT to get advanced review services.

Scholarship / Helping other people grow - Personal Statement for GKS Scholarship 2020 (Embassy Track) [6]

This isn't a strong essay. It is confusing to read. The first paragraph sort of implied that you wanted to become an educator. Turns out, that wasn't the case. You want to become an Information Technology specialist instead. You better replace the first paragraph so the reviewer will not be confused upon reading your essay. You should also avoid mentioning that you have applied to other international scholarships. Even though you are telling the reviewer that Korea is your priority, that is not what he will be thinking. Instead, he will tend to believe that you will accept the first international scholarship to accept you. So that sentence alone will be enough to disqualify your essay. Your overall writing, in all honesty, does not meet the writing requirements of the prompt. There is no clear relationship between your work experience and the GKS, there is no believable interest in wanting to study in Korea, there is nothing, in this essay, that will imply that you are a serious GKS applicant. You should read the samples of the other KGSP and GKS applications in this forum. Reading those samples should help you develop a better and more targeted response essay.

Writing Feedback / The Intake of four different kinds of meat in a European country [4]

You should merge the first and second paragraphs to create a single presentation. That way the sentences are not hanging and provide a clear and concise discussion presentation. Your first sentence, the summary overview, should be divided into sentences. Each sentence should represent:

- The type of graph
- The information listing in the image
- Source of the information
- And the years indicated in the graph

The trending statement is too generalized in reference. You should pick the most indicative high and low of the given information and present those are the trending statement. This sentence should be better presented because it is the concluding observation of the overall image information.

Do not overlook the points in the graph where the lines intersect. These are important aspects that should be presented in a clear paragraph of its own as these are part of the comparison discussion requirement of the prompt instructions. You may refer to one or two overlapping points, depending upon how many exist within the image.

Writing Feedback / Whether smartphones have caused more harm than good to our society. [6]

There is a commonality between the TOEFL and IELTS tests. That commonality is the way that the examiners score the essay better when the student uses personal information in the essay. This does not remove the academic requirement of the presentation as the essay writing instruction clearly states that specific reasons and examples must be used in support of the writer's opinion. As such, the use of the brother, in a story telling style, meets this primary evidence requirement.

However, the writer tends to use memorized phrases which will not help in the scoring of the overall essay. The phrases " in this day and age" and "hanging out" are not only memorized, but these are also informal or casual English phrase references. These types of words are what tend to remove the academic tone of a response essay.

Additionally, the writer needs to ensure that he directly responds to the prompt and does not use various confusing discussion terms that could refer to other essay discussion types. In this case, the response should clearly state an agreement or disagreement. It must not use other essay descriptors such as positive or negative and drawbacks / advantages.

The conclusion is a run on sentence and must be replaced with a proper simple and complex sentence presentation in the paragraph. The presentation should be based on the summarizing of the previous topic and its discussion points.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: newly built houses should follow the old style or people can choose freely [4]

You not accurately delivering the paraphrase for the prompt. Examiners score down students for making exaggerated claims within the prompt paraphrase section. There are also scoring considerations applied to the accuracy of your rephrasing. So do not use claims not present in the original presentation. The original discussion indicates the word "thinking", which means, "to consider". That is different from "arguments" which means "a fact for or against a point." Since there are no facts being presented but only considerations, "arguments" is not the correct descriptive word to use.

You are providing a singular point of view in this essay when the discussion requires the use of a public explanation first (discuss both points of view) and then the presentation of the personal opinion (give your opinion) after the comparison is completed. So the essay does not reflect a discussion based on the proper formatting requirements. You should understand that this type of essay requires an additional presentation on your part. You have to highlight your ability to use various pronouns in both the public and personal point of view as a part of the GRA scoring consideration. The GRA section scores your understanding of English writing rules and the proper use of English punctuation marks. These were the main problems in your current presentation.

Writing Feedback / Some people assume that university education should be free of charge for all students [3]

There is a minimum of 3 sentences and a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. Your introduction and conclusion do not meet the minimum paragraph standards. The paraphrasing for the introduction is incomplete as it does not deliver a clearer version of the original prompt and its discussion points. The conclusion did not summarize the discussion points as you laid out in your reasoning paragraphs. So those 2 paragraphs will reduce your final score.

The reasoning paragraphs need to be more focused. You are not discussing a comparative essay but writing a defensive essay. The defensive essay has the sole purpose of proving that your singular point of view is valid for the discussion as presented. The defense if presented over 2 related paragraphs that fully explain and support the discussion sentence in every paragraph. Avoid presenting more than one topic per paragraph in the defensive essay so that your presentation will not be under developed. Your current presentation has too many topic sentences and not enough development in terms of evidence and explanation.

Writing Feedback / LIVING ALONE OR IN SMALLY FAMILY UNITS - POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE ? [3]

The paraphrase you created is missing one sentence to meet the minimum paragraph requirement. You did not paraphrase the original topic sentence. You basically did a cut and paste, which will indicate that you can only write in memorized phrases or cut and paste versions to a certain extent. You need to completely change that topic sentence. Do not leave any original words in it. So it should read like this:

Urban dwellers live in 2 different nuclear units. Either solo or with minimal number of relatives. This is the emerging trend these days as opposed to the time when people lived with large household members.

Also, this is a 2 paragraph essay, there is no need to waste time and word count on 3 reasons when the rest of the time during the test should be spent cleaning up your draft writing mistakes. Your third paragraph is actually a solution response, not a reasoning response along the lines of the negative trend discussion you presented. So, since that is not relevant to the discussion, word deductions will be applied, which means, your essay will go down to 243 words. You will be under the word count. As such, percentage deductions will be applied to the TA score due to the essay not being minimum word compliant.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Graph people who are 65 and over in Japan, Sweden, American [5]

For the summary overview, you did a good job, but failed to indicate the measurement type as part of the summary. You should be indicating that the measurements were done in percentages so as to give clarity to the method of measurement presentation to the reader. Remember, the reader doesn't have a copy of this image so you need to give the reader as much information as possible for them to be able to create an imaginary image of the information you are presenting.

When you mention a gradual increase, mention what the measurement was for the increase. It will help to add to the conciseness of your presentation. As for Japan, what was the lowest point of measurement? You should indicate the data. You are writing a data report so you should not hold back on the data presentation. You need to know how to present assumptions of measurement or actual measurements that will help create a complete report for the reader.

Which 2 decades are you referring to in relation to America and the number of the elderly people? Listen, you need to understand that you cannot leave the reader guessing. This is a report, the reader doesn't have the time to guess, and they need to be properly informed. So use all the data you can find in the image to help with your report presentation. Otherwise, you leave your reader with more questions than answers about the image.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Part 2: HEALTH TOPIC / Walking [3]

You are using too many word fillers in this essay. You need to learn to open your paragraphs with topic sentences. The topic sentence is based upon the responses you provide in the prompt paraphrase. There are direct questions being asked that should be given definite responses to help outline your reasoning paragraphs. These will help you avoid over presenting your paragraphs and keep you focused only on the essential discussions to be covered within 3-5 sentences in the paragraph. You should also avoid presenting 2 ideas in one sentence, separated only by a comma. These long sentences, also known as run-ons are the go to presentations for students who do not really know how to properly present complex sentences. Avoid this error, it will lower your GRA score. Always present one idea in every sentence, that way you can really present a proper simple or complex sentence in relation to your discussion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING PART 2 : EDUCATION and Exams [2]

Normally, the extent essay does not accept a "partly" response because it does not create a clear opinion for your essay. The clear opinion is part of the TA scoring considerations. That is why you are encouraged to pick one side of the essay to support, using descriptive emotional terms. It allows you to show a clear opinion of strength, which will be supported by even stronger reasoning opinions in the next 2 paragraphs. Only the comparative essays allow you to use the "partly" discussion because those essays allow you to discuss both points of view before presenting your own opinion. In an extent essay, your opinion is all that matters from the start, hence the singular opinion based on the strength of your belief in a given statement. When you "partly" agree, you do not really propose an opinion of support. Instead, you try to take the middle ground and prove that both sides are correct. However, you are not allowed to use that response because the instruction only gives you 2 choices for your response, agree or disagree. Note that there is no maybe, no partly, no, perhaps in the response choices. You can only choose a response based on the given choices, you cannot make up your own response choice.

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Scholarship / KGSP PERSONAL STATEMENT INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS / Role Model [3]

For an undergraduate personal statement, the limitation comes in at 2 pages with text written only on 1 side of the A4 sized page. So you can use only the front of the A4 sized page. You cannot print the information back to back. Your current essay is running extremely beyond the requirement by coming in at 4 A4 pages long. So the essay is not properly formatted. You need to revise the essay to include all the discussion requirements within no more than 2 A4 sized pages. I cannot help you edit your content at this point because I do not know which information you may want to keep or delete. Please make sure the essay fits on the page requirement first. I can only review your essay once it becomes requirement compliant.

Writing Feedback / In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books [3]

It is unfortunate that our scoring services are no longer part of the free essay review service. You must now contact us for private essay reviews (email in our homepage) or make this thread URGENT to receive scoring services from a contributor. However, I am sure you will be able to judge how well you did with the essay based on our general review.

WARNING! STUDENT SCORING = ACCOUNT SUSPENSION !!!

While your prompt restatement is good, you need to use a first person pronoun to indicate the degree of your disagreement with the given thesis. The question clearly asks, "To what extent do YOU..." So that means, you should offer up an emotional response to the question. (e.g. I fully disagree with this thesis). The last line that includes the reference to "therefore newspapers", should be a new sentence. A comma cannot be used in that case because you are referring to a different discussion topic in the sentence already. As for the concluding summary, you should review your work. This is a run-on sentence presentation. The requirement is to have at least 3 sentences in the presentation. You should have divided the presentation to meet the requirement.

Writing Feedback / Whether it is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed [4]

You did very well with this discussion. Although you do not really need to restate the prompt in the first paragraph, doing so did help retain the clarity of your discussion. However, the examiner would have expected you to start the discussion at this point. At least a 2 opinion presentation. Just to help him keep track of the discussion requirements.

You should remember that your discussion and examples are being relayed from the past time line. So you should be using the past tense version of words. You cannot say; "our group has" which is a present time indicator. Rather you should have said "our group had", a past time indicator. You should have also avoided the word such in "such successfully". Simply saying "successfully" is sufficient for the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Convenience foods will replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation [2]

You have provided the discussion paragraphs for the essay. You forgot the most important part of the task 2 essay. That is, the prompt restatement + response to the discussion question. Avoiding the prompt paraphrase in totality will prevent your essay from achieving a passing score. You should remind yourself to always complete the TA requirement, which is the paraphrasing of the original discussion.

This lack of a full paragraph explains why you have only the exact word count provided. For this prompt, the students normally present at least 275 words. That includes the prompt restatement and proper concluding summary of the previous discussion. Your conclusion doesn't meet the recap requirements either. You also used a conjunction to start a sentence. If there are no word groups to connect, you cannot use a conjunction. That is why you will be scored down in terms of GRA considerations. You misused the conjunction in your presentation by using it to start your sentence.

Writing Feedback / The line graph compares and contrasts data on the changes in the proportion of Australian export [3]

The summary overview should include the list of the countries involved. Remember, this is a summary of the report so the first paragraph should include all short form information from the graph. That includes the list of countries involved, the years indicated, and the trending statement. You have only a single sentence representing the summary overview. You should have 3-5 sentences in the summary overview to offer a complete shortened information paragraph. The trending statement should be combined with the summary overview.

Had you followed the proper summary overview format, you could have easily presented this essay in the standard 3 paragraph format that allows you to perform a better comparison discussion. It would have also prevented you from presenting run-on sentences in your paragraphs. The extra long sentences that do not present any additional punctuation marks aside from a comma means your paragraphs are not properly formatted. Try to use a proper balance of simple and complex sentences so that you can properly meet the formatting requirements.

Be on the lookout for the times when the lines in the graph meet. You should report those as overlapping information, indicating an approximate year reference. These types of additional details help you score under the "make comparisons where relevant" section of the prompt.

Writing Feedback / GOING OVERSEAS TO LEARN LANGUAGE AND CULTURE - AGREE OR DISAGREE? [4]

Your first paragraph is highly confusing to read. For starters, there is a difference between living in a country and visiting one. Living in a country means the student will spend at least one year in the country to immerse himself in the language. Visiting a country could be as short as a weekend, and no longer than 6 months. So your term, "visiting" is incorrect. Then, your last sentence did not make any sense. When you say subjectively, the implication is that you approve of the statement. But you said you completely disagree with the idea in the end. So, which is it? You will score less for not having a clear opinion based on the question asked.

You are not being asked to explain why students might go overseas to learn a language, You are being asked to present an agreement or disagreement in relation to the idea that students should spend time abroad to learn a language. The overall essay does not meet the discussion requirements since you are not discussing a clear opinion with a supporting reasons. Your essay diverges from the original discussion topic, which creates a TA scoring problem for you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 The table illustrates the number of technological researchers in the five countries [3]

You presented a good summary overview. However, you should have listed the other 3 countries in a creative manner as well. That way you would have fulfilled all the information summary requirements and, allowed yourself to get a better GRA score since you would have been able to use more punctuation marks and sentence types in the paragraph. Indicate the parts of the table as well. I know you indicated the years, but you still need to indicate the number of columns in the table at the very lest.

The task 1 essay is normally only a 3 paragraph presentation. The part about Mexico should be presented as a part of the second paragraph presentation. Although, Togo did not have the same fluctuations throughout. Your analysis was a bit off. It was similar for certain years, but not the same for 2005.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2. Less sleep. Why? Effects? [3]

The prompt response is incomplete. You forgot to include the effects of lack of sleep. That is why your paraphrased presentation is 1 sentence short of the minimum count. When you are asked to respond directly to the questions. Answer in individualized sentences. Present a clear response to each question so that the clarity of your opinion can be judged on the examiner's end. You should not say "and inadequate sleep has disastrous impact..." because that is not a response to the question. Close the sentence at "amount of work that workers have." Then, present the direct effect in the last sentence ( This results in higher blood pressure...). That way the paragraph is properly formatted for the benefit of the examiner.

In the first reasoning paragraph, you should not have a reason presented towards the end of the paragraph. It is under developed and did not help your previous information set up. Instead, it brought down the quality and clarity of the discussion you presented.

Do not use English phrases incorrectly. People are not "snowed under", they are "snowed in". You should have instead referred to "people are buried under an avalanche of work", which would have been a more appropriate description of the situation. The conclusion needs to be improved. You need to properly restate the topic, the discussion reasons, and your concluding sentence within 3-5 sentences. Otherwise, the essay isn't properly wrapped up for the examiner to score.

Writing Feedback / Many universities charge higher fees for foreign students. Why do they do this? [3]

This is not an opinion essay, this is a research paper. The length is not in accordance with the Task 2 essay. A task 2 essay is presented within a 250-290 word requirement only. By writing 563 words, you have written an academic paper, not an opinion paper. You seem to have forgotten that there is a 40 minute time limit in writing this essay. So you have to keep it short but clear in terms of discussion points. 25 sentences maximum, 4 paragraphs long, 5 sentences per paragraph. This is not a research paper so do not treat it as such.

You have to learn to say more with less English words. That is what the test is all about, your ability to quickly and clearly express yourself in English. At this point, the essay is good, but over discussed. You would run out of time to finish your essay during the actual test if you wrote this length. While the essay that you wrote is very clear and easy to follow, there is still a problem existing when one considers that your essay is not really a balanced mix of simple and complex sentences.

Learn how to keep the essay short. Focus on targeted content writing, not extended discussion presentations. Your inability to write clearly and quickly could result in a scoring problem for you down the road.

Writing Feedback / No values - Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. [3]

You have to make sure that your prompt restatement is an accurate retelling of the original prompt. You do not begin the discussion in the prompt restatement as you did in this presentation. You have to be closer to the original when you discuss and offer your response. For example, you could have said:

The young adults of today are often seen as uncaring for their neighborhoods. I share this opinion for 2 reasons. First, their parents do do not teach them the importance of community engagement. Second, technology has changed the way that grownups interact with one another, eliminating the importance or real world participation. My expanded reasoning explanations follow below.

Your explanations are good, but require more substance. Avoid run-on sentences as presented in your reasoning paragraphs and conclusion. You need to explain your examples better. Don't just give an example then not explain it. You have to develop it very well for clarity and coherence. You have good ideas, but you need to develop the explanations further or at least, add more clarity to the examples given to aid in clarity and coherence.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1: information on the percentage of people who were unemployed in the US and Japan [2]

I do not feel that you have written enough words to justify your English writing skills. Writing only 151 words means you only wanted to meet the minimum word requirement. It does not mean that you tried to showcase your writing skills in any way. So your limited written presentation will also result in a limited scoring potential for your essay. That means, your score will only be passing at the most. However, since you have clarity and conciseness issues, you may not even achieve the passing band score. Next time, aim for the better scoring word count of 175-190 words. Try to highlight your potential in reporting data whenever possible.

This is a 3 paragraph format essay. You only have 2 paragraphs presented. You have failed to properly compare data points in your essay, There was a specific failure on your part to compare the overlapping data in from the line graph pertaining to unemployment rates in March 98 and 99. You must make sure to review the information in a manner where you can spot and report on the meeting points of the information provided.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Only people with special abilities can make art. [3]

Your prompt paraphrase is incorrect as it does not properly reflect the original discussion presentation. Rather, it contains exaggerations that tend to change the original discussion slant. That makes the paraphrase unacceptable for the presentation. You also do not properly outline the discussion format for the essay. Your paraphrase should only present the following:

Sentence 1: Restated topic
Sentence 2: Public reason 1
Sentence 3: Public reason 2
Sentence 4: Implied personal opinion
Sentence 5: Transition sentence (optional)

In your presentation paragraphs for the public point of view, you cannot use first person pronouns in the discussion. Instead, opt to use gender free plural pronouns representative of group or collective opinions. The use of first person pronouns are not encouraged in the public discussion paragraphs because there is no personal opinion provided yet. You may use first person pronoun representations only in the personal opinion discussion paragraph.

Your discussion reasons are notable, but not properly presented because you got confused when it came to the pronoun usage for the public opinion paragraphs. You actually show potential in this particular essay. You just have to learn to use the proper pronouns throughout the essay, depending upon the prompt requirements.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays it is not only large companies that can be able to make films [3]

Your discussion, though grammatically flawed, shows that you have a single focus for your discussion, which is what the reviewer will be looking for in your presentation. Though imperfectly presented your opinion, that digital technology is a positive development can be clearly seen in your discussion paragraphs. However, you should have only used 4 paragraphs for this essay, 2 of which were reasoning presentations. Since this is not a compare and contrast with personal opinion essay, it does not need a 5 paragraph presentation.

There was no need to add a 3rd reason in the discussion. If you had removed the short second reason, your essay would have been stronger. The middle reason was under developed and affected the strength of the overall presentation. You should have also strengthened to conclusion by delivering a proper summary of the topic, discussion, and a repeat of your opinion. That way the essay would have been fully compliant in terms of formatting and discussion presentations.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing about the fallen of teachers in the near future [4]

The discussion structure for this essay requires only a 4 paragraph presentation:
- Paraphrase + Discussion reason enumeration
- Reasoning Discussion 1
- Reasoning Discussion 2
- Discussion Restatement

It should not need to be more than 290 words or 25 sentences in total. Any more than that and you have over-discussed the essay, removing your focus from the content and clarity of your discussion, and allowing errors to remain in your presentation. That will happen because you only have 40 minutes to write this task and you spent it all presenting reasons, not leaving time for you to edit and perfect the essay before submission.

The most immediate problem with your essay is your improper use of punctuation marks. Ellipses (...) are never used in academic writing as these do not truly help to illustrate your discussion. Those are mostly used for illustrative purposes in creative writing presentations. You cannot use 2 successive punctuation marks either. If you use a comma, you cannot use ellipses after. If you use a period, you cannot use a comma right after. These are general errors that you should have seen and corrected before considering the essay finalized in content.

Writing Feedback / There is a view that reporting about celebrities by media has negative influence on teenagers [5]

The positives of the celebrity influence on children is not the point of this discussion. The only topic that should be reflected in your discussion is the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the given statement. That means, you must offer the measurement of your response to the given statement. You did not do that in this essay. Rather than a single opinion extent essay, you presented a comparative essay which does not clearly offer an opinion on your part in the manner required. This essay is improperly formatted and not responsive to the task. You must indicate the strength of your opinion using emotional response such as strong, in maximum dis/agreement, vehemently opposed, or other similar descriptive phrases. Then, focus the discussion on 2 reasons that will strongly strengthen your opinion in the discussion paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / Many countries are struggling with increases in crime rates [4]

This is not a comparative essay. You wrote it in a manner that does not properly respond to the task requirement. The task requirement is to have you explain your response to the question: To what extent do you agree or disagree. The response to the question should be clearly provided in the response discussion outline of the prompt paraphrase (I strongly agree / disagree) for further development in the reasoning paragraphs.

As a single opinion essay, you must focus on presenting 2 supporting opinions for your response. That is lacking in this essay. You have not provided a clear opinion in support of the given question. There is no room to discuss alternative solutions because that was never indicated as a discussion direction in the original prompt. Overall, the essay fails to meet the response requirements for this task and will end up getting a failing score.

Writing Feedback / The long term bond with an employer [3]

You haven't really discussed the essay based on the required format. Simply writing 254 words, which is over the minimum word count, does not really help you get a better score. You should be looking at the discussion requirements of the essay and delivering the paragraph discussion based on the indicated discussion format. In this case, the discussion format should use 3 paragraph discussion representations composed of:

Reasoning 1: Some people work for the same organization all their working life.
Reasoning 2: Others think that it is better to work for different organisations
Reasoning 3: Personal point of view

Always outline the discussion points in a manner similar to what I did above before you start outlining your essay. That way you will see exactly how you should be discussing the essay and how many paragraphs you should be presenting overall. In this case, the complete discussion will cover 5 fully developed paragraph presentations.

Your current presentation is focused on discussing only your personal opinion. This happened because you did not really see how the discussion was supposed to go. That is why it is important to outline your essay before you start discussing. At least figure out what format you have to use so that you can properly develop your reasoning paragraphs using relevant reasons.

I suggest that you learn how to approach the different essay formats for the Task 2 essay before you launch into another practice essay. That way you will have a backgrounder on how to approach the various discussion topics. You can use the samples at this forum. Since advice on how to correct mistakes are given in the thread, you will be able to learn how to properly approach the discussion topics without having to make mistakes of your own first.