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Posts by tiaDS
Name: Mba Tia
Joined: Jan 15, 2014
Last Post: Sep 30, 2016
Threads: 73
Posts: 222  
From: Indonesia

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tiaDS   
Oct 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Wheat exports [2]

The line chart illustrates the amount of wheat exports for 5 years, from 1985 to 1990 and is measured in millions of tonnes.

It is noticeable that the total of wheat exports in the three countries fluctuated. However, the figures of European Community and Canada were of a significant increase over the period, while the amount of wheat exports in Australia showed on negatively correlated.

The highest total of wheat exports belonged to Australia in 1985, then followed by European Community standing at just under 20 million tonnes. In term of wheat exports, Australia as the lowest exporter was 15 million tonnes compared to the two other countries.

A closer look at the data reveals that the total of wheat exports in Canada inclined sharply from around 17 million tonnes to 25 million tonnes between 1986 and 1988, a rise of about 13 million tonnes in 3 years. By 1987, the figure of wheat exports in European Community and Australia broke the equal record at approximately 15 million tonnes. Furthermore, by 1989, the total of wheat exports in Canada had gradual rebound to the same amount in 1986 and overtook that for European Community's figure. In any case, the amount of wheat exports in Australia experienced a slow downward until the end of period.
tiaDS   
Sep 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / Overall, it's clear that the unemployment rate in the US dropped from 7% to around 5% (1993 - 1999) [3]

The line chart compares illustrates the level of unemployment lines in the USUnited States and Japan over a period of 6 years, between 1993 and 1999 . It is measured in percent.

The line chart illustrates the proportion of workforce which indicates the idleness rates in America and Japan over a period of 6 years from 1993 to 1999 and is measured in percent.

I have had a long discussion on my study with my teacher. "compare" is not appropriate used when the picture provides time duration so it means that you have to use "language of change" and "language of compare." In any case, I suggest you to rephrase the prompt don't use the same word between introduction and the question. Overall, this is well-structured essay task 1.
tiaDS   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Causes and solutions student less leisure [6]

It is well-structured essay and I do love it so much. However, remember that we only have 40 minutes to write an essay task 2.

School and leisure play a pivotal role for students all over the world (you need a sentence to build coherence) . While the great numbers of academic demand pursue students to achieve sophisticated knowledge(I suggest you to check it out for appropriate adjective) , they should(I think, it innapropriate to use "should" in this sentence) sacrifice much of their leisure to accomplish it. As per the problem, I believe some solutions should be pondered to overcome such students' difficulty.

young people

I prefer using "teenagers" instead of "students" or "schoolchildren"
teenager : someone who is between 13 and 19 years old
schoolchildren : a child attending school

achieve sophisticated knowledge

acquire much detailed knowledge

Let me try to give an introductory paragraph

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

School and leisure time play a pivotal role for students all over the world. Some teenagers are engaged in hectic schedule of study which kills their free activities at least half their time. Thus, I argue that some solution can be taken to overcome this problem.
tiaDS   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Young people should be under surveillance on parents' discipline [2]

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

School is the second home for some students. Moreover, in the some parts of this world, teenagers have less free time and are engaged in many duties in their studies. While this situation is addressing young people in some problems, some measures are being taken to tackle this problem by parental and educational involvement.

Teenagers have a pretty hectic schedule because many assessments have to be finished at the strict deadline. So, young people tend to kill their spare time doing homework and attending some private courses. With those activities, they are expected to gain a great mark in school. Taking Japanese schoolchildren as an example, they join in an intensive math course which is a difficult lesson. It happens because parents force children to achieve high educational achievement. If their children fail to earn an excellent score, they will punish them. It can be seen from parents' tendency that educational record is the measurement of person's success. As a result, teenagers bear the high pressure in many educational activities which spend their free time.

Having said and that, some solutions can be taken to solve this problem. Firstly, school should create a positive learning atmosphere which results in sense of competition in school. The complete facilities which are provided help students doing the assignments such as library and computer laboratory. In addition, parents hold an essential role in children's behavior. They have to teach their children to be disciplined on each schedule which adjusts children's daily activities. Finally, the responsibility of teachers plays a strong influence to drive young people in proper manner. Teachers must have power to impose a fine upon disruptive students. It can be concluded that those solutions help students to overcome the difficulties which make them under pressure and reduce their leisure time.

To sum up, the causes which bring young people in the terrible situation appear from parents and school's circumstance. However, young people should be under surveillance on parents' discipline in order to spend their free time well.
tiaDS   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Theme : about alternative medicine treatment and dangerous risk from it [9]

Presently, alternative forms of medicine are the most popular in the rural area and cities. Usually ,a person who gives alternative help will give inexpensive tax for their patients, it is one of the way for them to make other people interesting with their action. But, sometimes the medical patient do not thinking with its risk. Eventhough not all alternative medicals make dangerous risks for the patient.

I'm not sure with your introduction because it tends to be out of context.

Theme : Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at the best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Here is my introductory paragraph:

People are using alternative medicine forms to treat illness. Those methods work to be a well-known phenomenon of traditional treatments but some negative effects occur in. While it is understandable, I tend to argue that some benefits arise from those alternative forms of medicine.
tiaDS   
Sep 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writting task 1: UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. [7]

The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescants following a vegetarian diet. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

Intoduction:
The line graph shows the proportion of teenagers in United Kingdom who have a vegetarian diet between 1960 and 2020. Moreover, it was measured in percentage.

Overview:
It is clear that the percentage of adolescents who get involved in a vegetarian diet in United Kingdom fluctuates. Then, this figure shows a slight incline in the over of the period.

I suggest you to read as much as you can, the sample answers of writing task 1.
tiaDS   
Sep 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - IELTS Academic - Post-school qualification in Australia according to gender 1999 [3]

As the picture shows, it describes the difference of educationeducational levels between men and women in Australia in the year 1999. Overall,It is noticeable that men were positioned as the first rank the largest proportion of the well-educated people in that yearthe period . The data was calibrated in percentage.

If I were you, I prefer writing an overview paragraph instead of conclusion paragraph. Writing task 1 needs an overview paragraph as per writing band descriptor. Then, it is placed between introductory and conclusion paragraph.
tiaDS   
Sep 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 2] Pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing. [6]

Thanks for your suggestion, but it will be better for me if you can give an example.

On the one hand, the development in countries, especially developing countries, can damage its environment in several ways. Firstly, manufacturers built in these countries usually cut costs for waste processing or environmental issues. Take Samsung for an example.

Thank you so much phuoc. it is impressive suggestion which help me to understand what my mistake is.
tiaDS   
Sep 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 1] The line chart shows popularity of fast food among Australian young people [2]

Australian teenagers' consumed of different kind of fast food is illustrated in the line chart and it is measured the times eaten per year.

It is noticeable that the number of times eaten per year between pizza and hamburgers increases significantly, while the figure of fish and the amount of chips consumed is reverse.

In 1975, fish and chips consumption was the highest number of times eaten. Then followed by hamburgers, this figure recorded at about 15 times. In terms of pizza experienced the lowest number of time eaten per year approximately 8 times. Like pizza, this figure for hamburgers consumed by Australian teenagers was a dramatic incline in 1980. In any case, by 1985, the number of hamburger consumed reached a peak at just above 80 times and had a significant movement onward.

Turning to the figure for fish and chips consumption, in 1985 this figure had gradual rebound to the same times eaten in 1975. After a sort peak, the number of fish and chips which was consumed by Australian teenagers decreased gradually from around 90 times to approximately 38 times between 1985 and 2000, a drop of about 53 times in 15 years.



  • fastfood_australian..jpg
tiaDS   
Sep 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 2] Pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing. [6]

Some people think pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing and becoming richer, and this is hard to be avoided. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

People's activities change the atmosphere and environmental condition. Many people regard that in a non-globalized country, a significant improvement in all sectors, results environmental damaging and air pollution. Personally, I strongly believe that this argument can be accepted.

In the one hand, the development in poverty country can effect environment. A developing country adheres to its principles to establish all sectors in order for playing an economic drive. This can be seen in one country in which becoming richer founds many industrial companies to provide abroad income. An economic growth in this country arouses Samsung's interest, the largest multinational company, to open a new branch in. In fact, this requires many raw materials to resemble a newly- invented technology such as smart phone and portable computer. Those have a tendency for using harmful chemical which can be a precursor of endangering many species of plants and animals. As a result, some areas in this country will damage in certain period.

On the other hand, pollution and damaged of environment are not only resulted by the development in a developing country. Firstly, human behavior is the crucial aspect which has to be investigated and be reformed in term for keeping environmental health. Throwing rubbish in the river and cutting down many plants in the forest exemplifies why environment in developing country is being vanished. So, those habits increase the number of air pollution significantly. In addition, using artificial fertilizer for farming can damage soil. Finally, disaster is the strong possibility of environmental damage which usually demolish many plants and animals such as eruption of volcanoes and hurricane storm.

In conclusion, environmental problem appears for many causes and the development of country also gives a contribution. However, I believe people awareness should be engaged to solve this problem.
tiaDS   
Aug 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 1] Strategic area for a new school in the town of Canterbury. [2]

The map below is of the town of Canterbury. A new school (S) is planned for the area. The map shows two possible sites for the school.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The map depicts the city planning in the town of Canterbury where are connected with two areas; Chartham and Sturry. There are three public zones; educational facility and infrastructural public transportation. Overall, there are two strategic areas which will be built a new school in the town of Canterbury.

To begin, 5km is the distance from Sturry to planned site for S1 with 7,000 populations. S1 area is located between Housing and Countryside zone. Moreover, the university can be seen in the northeast of the S1 area and in the west there is Town Centre. The main road connects from Town Centre to Sturry.

In any case, planned area for S2 is situated in Town Centre which is no traffic zone. S2 area, which has a population of 4,500, lies 7km from Chartham and running along from the S2 planned area to Chartham is main road. This area is covered by Housing and Countryside zone and university is located in the north of S2 site.



  • Canterbury.png
tiaDS   
Aug 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 2] Technologies have suggested everyone in the world. [2]

It has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think disadvantages of such a development outweigh advantages?

Some newly-invented technologies have been taking a part in human life. A car, a television and a fridge is being basic needs to overcome daily routine for many people. While I believe that this phenomenon provides some merits, demerits also appear to be a precursor of lack activities.

In the one hand, watching a television, driving a car and keeping foods in a fridge gives convenient life for some people. Firstly, most workers spend almost their whole day to work with the pretty tight schedule in the office. Then, they need a source of amusement to make them bursting into laughter, and television is the great companion when they lay in the sofa and eat some snacks. In addition, in the some metropolitan countries in the world have a problem which relates with traffic congestion and the high level of crime in busy main road. Indonesia, for example, does not have excellent public transport which can deliver everyone on their own destination. So, private car is the best preference for some people who have much money. Also, for working mother in the world, frozen foods are to be a choice when they do not have enough time to rustle up a meal. Indeed, they need a fridge to keep their meals fresh for several days.

On the other hand, some sophisticated devices make people illness. For some children, television programmes are excellent powers of imagination. There are some animation programmes which catch toddlers' attention to waste their time in front of television. Those give a strong influence to abandon their assignment and turn to be a disease such myopia. In any case, the police department in the some countries in part of the earth record more than a hundred accidents in 2012 which occur of driving a car. This result is an evident that many drivers cannot take priority over safe drive. Moreover, climate change happens from some causes and the negative ion of refrigerator is a factor which conducts the diminution of ozone layers. It can be conclude from these reasons that advanced technologies run into trouble.

In conclusion, several technologies are valuable when people use them to help chores activities properly, whereas it can be lack tools when people cannot set on their own needs. However, self awareness to deal with those tools should be concerned in order for safety.
tiaDS   
Aug 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - 'Teachers are the second parents in the school' - RESPONSIBILITY FOR TEACHING [5]

Teachers are the second parents in the school. Morale educations are properly be applied in the school by teachers. While others believe the academic subjects are the only one that need to be taught by teachers.

Can you rewrite this introduction in properly structure which contains; hook, background and thesis statement?

While (subject + verb), (subject + verb).
or
(Subject + verb), while (subject + verb).

Did you remember a concluding sentence? if the last sentence is your conclusion, I think between your topic sentence and conclusion missed. I suggest you to read sample answer and learn about how to make topic sentence and conclusion stronger.
tiaDS   
Aug 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 1] The proportion of energy from coal [4]

The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


The line graph illustrates the percentage of energy produced from coal in 4 European countries during 15 years, between 1995 and 2010.

It is noticeable that the percentage of coal energy in three countries decline simultaneously. However, the figure of coal power in Denmark shows the reverse over the period.

The highest percentage of power produced from coal was recorded by Denmark in 1995. Then followed by Germany, this figure for coal energy stood at under 60%. In terms of percentage of energy produced from coal, France as the lowest percentage was 30 percent of all countries. Between 1998 and 2001, the percentage of coal power experienced a dramatic decrease in Sweden, France, Denmark and Germany.

A closer look at the data reveals that the percentage of coal energy which is produced in three European countries remained reasonably stable from around 28% to 20% between 2004 and 2007. Standing in contrast, the proportion of energy produced from coal in Germany saw a sharp downward from approximately 15 percent to 5% between 2004 and 2007, a drop of about 10% in 3 years.



  • IMG_4405.JPG
tiaDS   
Aug 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 1] the number of population in three different countries - biggest in Washington [3]

The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S. state of Oregon.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The line graph shows the number of population in three different countries in the United States of Oregon; Columbia, Yamhill and Washington during 6 decades, between 1940 and 2000, and it measures in thousands. It is clear that the population in three countries show a significant increase during the period.

The number of population in Columbia recorded the lowest in the state of Oregon, while the figure of Washington was the highest number of population 75,000 people in 1940. In terms of population, the number of population in Yamhill stood at the second position 30,000 people.

A more detailed look at the line graph shows that the number of Washington people inclined sharply from just over 120,000 people to above 240 thousand people between 1970 and 2000, a rise more than double the number of population. By contrast, the number of Columbian people experienced a steady incline, from approximately 25,000 people in 1940 to about 33 thousand people. Interestingly, the figure of population in Columbia and Yamhill had similar patterns which were a significant upward.



  • IELTS_Writing_Task_1.png
tiaDS   
Aug 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'economic, diplomacy, and environmental' - most popular career choices for youth in Indonesia [4]

succes

populer

south east

Further more

misspelling

Some grammar issues

While diplomacy sector is also important to make stability across Association of South East Asia Nation countries.

While Subject + Verb, Subject + Verb. or Subject + Verb, while Subject + Verb.

climate change and environmental crime in my country are affect

Bad grammar

Predictably, global warming will more terrible next year and further year.

you don't have verb here.

three popular career

singular/ plural

diplomacy theory would causes all sectors and influence the career in the future.

Modal + V1

Overall, the content of writing is clear due to thesis statement is stated briefly. Good luck for you.
tiaDS   
Aug 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'remarkable rise with slight fluctuations' - Japanese tourists on the trip [2]

If I were you, I prefer writing overview paragraph rather than conclusion. Based on IELTS writing task 1 band descriptor, Overview paragraph must be written and it should be placed after introduction. If you ask me why must be written after introduction? it is due to some IELTS candidates don't have enough time to write this paragraph if it is written in the end of writing. Moreover, Overview can lead your score. Thanks.
tiaDS   
Aug 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Lately more and more work has to be done by machines. [3]

Moreover, People are failing to support their families may instill the sense of injustice and resentment and this is often one of the reasons that, people turn to crime to fulfill their basic needs of life, when they are unable to find work.

too long sentence. Make it simple to show clarity.

Therefore, As a result, this development can improve productivity, save lives and even educate societies.

use one of them, I worry it will be overusing.
Overall, it's excellent writing and structure, but sometime complex sentences cannot give clear point. Although I know, you wanna elaborate further your own idea.
tiaDS   
Aug 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Gender distribution of teachers in different educational institutions [6]

The bar chart illustrates the gender distribution of teachers in different educational institutions from nursery school to university in UK in 2010. It shows what percentage of teachers were male and what percentage of teachers were female.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of teachers of both genders in six types of educational institutions in the United Kingdom in 2010 and it is measured in percentage.

this rates

this two educational settings

these

You have used appropriate pattern for writing task 1 in my view.
tiaDS   
Aug 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task1 - percentages of population and wealth in world [4]

In the writing task 1, overview is must be written to increase your score. Here i wanna share a pattern which is usually used. 1; introduction paragraph (you have to rephrase the prompt and general information. 2; overview paragraph (mention main trend). 3; Body paragraph 1 (you can write the similarities which is depicted in the bar,char,table or picture). 4; Body paragraph 2 (you can mention the differences information among features). Don't forget to attach your picture to help readers when they review your essay.
tiaDS   
Aug 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ambition motivate people - without it life would be mechanical or meaningless [3]

Finally,

you can use others listing points to show new ideas; Also, Moreover, Furthermore, etc.

In conclusion, while ambition may be portrayed negatively by those who failed themselves, it is much needed for life otherwise it would be mechanical or meaningless.

Even though some references say that conclusion is restatement of introduction paragraph but it will be better if you give a suggestion or prediction of this case. overall, your writing is excellent.
tiaDS   
Aug 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Charity among UK people between 1990-2010 in five age groups [4]

First of all, I suggest you to read sample answer for writing task 1 to learn about appropriate pattern. you can visit at ielts-simon.com or other source. Secondly, make sure you have written overview after introduction paragraph. In writing task 1, overview is the most important rather than conclusion (read writing band descriptor for writing task 1).
tiaDS   
Aug 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - 'the chart also predicts the proportions in 2040' - quantity of the population aged 65 [3]

You must write overview paragraph in writing task 1 because overview is important instead of conclusion. In this prompt, there is three countries which is mentioned ; Japan, Sweden and USA. If I were you I will explain USA and Sweden because those countries have the similar pattern. Moreover, I will write detail information of Japan in the second body paragraph.
tiaDS   
Aug 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] 'advertising manipulates people' - Positives and Negatives of Ad's [3]

Some grammar issues;

various forms of advertising that we cannot easily escape from itthem .

small to large business gets name

advertising agencies hashave become

On the other hand, advertising manipulates people to buy things without thinking. Companies often exaggerate the capabilities of their products to seduce the customers and also involve glamorous or famous personalities to bring more attention. For example, Amitabh bachhan, a famous film star is featured in noodles commercial that influence the children easily and they put pressure on their parents to buy them.

Overall, your writing has well organized. I give you a suggestion when you write one idea paragraph. You have to compose an example more complex and specific. (who?; how many?; when?; what?; how?; result?). hope, it helps.
tiaDS   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Easy for poor people to get access to university education [4]

Could you write the introduction and conclusion paragraph? If you deal with IELTS intro-body 1-body 2-conclusion must be written to show that your essay has an excellent cohesion and coherence. In body paragraphs, however, you stand at both views, but I think that it was partially. I don't say it is wrong or true, but if you read writing band descriptor there is a suggestion to make a balance. It means if you have two reasons for disagree side, you must have two reasons for agree side.

Another benefit of this reformation is that people's internal cultivation and morality can be improved....

in my view this part tends to out of context. In the prompt focus on educational topic. In this paragraph you mention the case of crime.
tiaDS   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. [3]

Hello Divya,
Your writing is impressive and especially in introduction paragraph which depicts that you have great writing skill. I love so much your introduction. However, you should attach the prompt completely to drive readers easy when they review your essay. Ielts has many kinds of task such as agree-disagree, advantages-disadvantages, problem-solution or cause-effect. Those tasks have different patters to write. As per my experience, when we got the task of agree-disagree, we can state our own view clearly in intro, but in body paragraphs, there have to be balance view; the first body paragraph you can give some reasons why you stand at disagree, while the second body paragraph why there should agree. hope, this helps.
tiaDS   
Jul 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Technological improvement has always two sides, benefits and drawbacks [5]

Hello SHanafi, I just give a minor evaluation.

However, the advance of technology Newly invented technology helps people adversely in their daily living routine. It can be seen in the field of home living and office working. Long time ago, for instance, Indonesia people over decades Indonesian people spent around many hours with several steps to cook rice as their daily intake. It is different nowadays, with the betterment of technology, eatable rice can be served around 45 minutes with just one pressing in the Magic Jar. In any case, office using we can see in the public service. Recently, police officer needsmore than 10 minutes, while reporting robbery custody useswith the manual typing machine. What about if the case increases, how many times consumespend just for making a report, and how many time the officer need to arrest the criminals?the cops are conducting an investigation into the crime? . In helping of technological process, such as computer and handy talk, making a report and communicate doing communication with become easier, and the case can be solved quickly.

tremendous benefit stands more than it's drawback.

the benefit is outweigh drawback.

Overall, I get the point of view clearly and this writing has well organized.
tiaDS   
Jul 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: we should not ignore the traditional food; fast foods need be supervised [5]

In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

How to identify the prompt to create appropriate introduction paragraph;
In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods(Fact). This is having a negative effect on both families and societies (opinion).For your information; there are two types of statement in the prompt; fact and opinion.

To what extent do you agree or disagree? this is the task of your prompt. Event though you strongly agree or disagree with those statements. I suggest you to write those point of view in the body paragraph.

Here is an example, how to recognize your prompt to avoid out of context when you write an essay;
Topic : Food
Narrowing down : traditional and international foods, negative effect for families and societies, in many countries.
Task : agree or disagree
Specific question: are international foods giving an negative effect for families and societies?
tiaDS   
Jul 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; working and travelling a year before university is a good idea [4]

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

Everybody has different preference after accomplishing their study. These days in several countries, some young people are engaged to walk straight into a great job, while others prefer travelling to spend their time between graduating high school and starting university studies. However, I believe that each choice has merits and demerits.
tiaDS   
Jul 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2]: some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. [6]

Hello Natalia, spend 10 minutes to make brainstorming for writing task 2.

some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life.

Background which consists of opinion (in background sometimes consists of opinion or fact or both of them)

Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

there are two tasks.

Topic : fashion.
Narrowing down of topic: cost too much money, important part of life.
The task : 1. Discuss both views; 2. give your own opinion.
Focus question : 1. What are the advantages of fashion in people life? ; 2. What are the disadvantages of fashion which cost much money?

Hope, it helps
tiaDS   
Jul 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing - statistics research of population aged 65 and more [3]

If i were you, I prefer writing a overall rather than conclusion paragraph. So, I suggest you to read band description for writing task 1. Moreover, you can mention detail information of Sweden and USA in the first body paragraph and second body paragraph explains detail information of Japan. In writing task 1, comparison and contrast should be clear to make your writing impressive because there is time duration. It means that you have to use language of change (a significant decline) and language of contrast (higher than ...). I hope, it helps.
tiaDS   
Jul 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 2] Text messages or phone calls; I prefer talking on the phone [3]

Compare and contrast sending text messages and talking on the phone. Which do you prefer, and why?

These days, there are many ways to communicate with each other. Text messages and phone calls are the ways which have changed people keeping touch. However, I regard that there are several merits and demerits of each method.

For a variety of reasons, people tend to make a phone call to give snippets of information. Clarity is the main reason why people believe that talking on the phone is better that sending a text message. For some couples who do a long-distance relationship make a phone call using a smart application,skype, can be deliriously happiness to share their daily routine due to her or his voice can be heard. This application provides free phone call which can connect easily every time and everywhere. Moreover, talking on the phone reduces misconception which usually appears when people send text message. Taking email an example, a purchasing staff send an email to order stationary such as paper and pencils. She or he writes some abbreviation words in electronic mail and those make mistake to catch the main point. As a result, telephone is useful device to communication.

On the other hand, text messages are the popular communication method which can integrate many people. Firstly, smartphone users are closer with many instant messaging such as whatsapp and blackberry messaging. They can create a group, and invite other users to share information. In addition, sending text messages is more economically to compare with talking on the phone. Lastly, messaging applications have a conversation record as an evident, so they can review what they said in abroad agreement. It is obvious that some features of instant messaging lead efficiency in communication.

In conclusion, communication with text messaging and phone call has benefit as well as negative. So, people should pay attention when they do a communication. Personally, I prefer talking on the phone rather than sending a massage.
tiaDS   
Jul 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / Imprisonment trend among five different countries - bar graph [5]

please! help me

First of all, I suggest you to read IELTS band descriptor for writing task 1. You can find it in google and read as much as you can sample answer to gain a pattern which is appropriate in writing task 1.

Here, I wanna share a pattern which is usually used for this task.
1. Introduction; paraphrase the prompt
2. Overview; mention the trend
3. Body paragraph 1; Detail information, you can mention the sameness
4. Body paragraph 2; Detail information, here you can explain the differences.

If you have read the band descriptor foe writing task 1, there is no conclusion. However, Overview is must be written. Other attention must be paid in language of change and language of contrast. If you get a chart which has a time duration you should use language of change (a significant decline) and language of contrast (the largest proportion of population is ...)

this figure was significantly decreased until 1980.

was a significant decrease
tiaDS   
Jul 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable. [3]

As long as I learn about writing task 1, this is an appropriate approach:
1. Introduction paragraph; you have to restate the prompt
2. Overall; here you must mention the main trend. I read from an IELTS book which informs that we should write an overview in the second paragraph because of writing task 1 need overview instead of conclusion paragraph.

3. Body paragraph 1; you can write detail information of diagram above.
4. Body paragraph 2; explain detail information in depth.
tiaDS   
Jul 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Young people should spend time on traveling before beginning their studies [4]

You state your view clearly in the beginning, but it will better for your intro to follow this approach; Hook: a sentence catch readers' attention; Background: restate the prompt; write thesis statements which will be explain in body paragraph.

Probably, this approach can help you to structure body paragraph;
1. Topic sentence; giving the main idea of the paragraph
2. Example to support the idea.
3. Explain the same idea a bit more
4. Alternative what would happen if people did not do the example
5. Example to illustrate the main idea in sentence four.

So as you can see, the movie If you can catch me and my personal experience shows that going out for a trip before the university studies being is a good opportunity to leanlearn.

Here, in conclusion paragraph, you should restate the thesis statements and give your own opinion or suggestion.
tiaDS   
Jul 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / ielts essay about water shortage [12]

Fresh water scarcity is problem at a staggering rate of growing population. Although water covers seventy percent of the Earth's surface, lack of clean drinking water impacts on billion people everyday.

Task:Water resources around the world are falling deficient. Analyses the possible reasons and provide your suggestion.

I attempt to write an introduction which is structured by Hook, Background and Thesis statement.
All creatures in the universe consume water every day. (Hook)It is true that the number of water resources has declined in some countries around the globe. (Background)While there are some causes of this case, some solutions could be taken to solve this problem.(Thesis statement)
tiaDS   
Jul 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS academic task one .. bar chart - coffee and meat consumption [5]

Here, I just wanna share that in this type of prompt writing task 1, you should compare and contrast the detail information. If in the prompt has a time duration you can use language of change (a significant incline/ a dramatic decrease) and language of compare (higher/highest/bigger/biggest). In this case, language of compare and contrast should be applied in because you don't have time duration.

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