Writing Feedback / Occupation between school and university [2]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

Some people state that being occupied before attending university is a good thing for youngsters. Although this case is beneficial, it will bring several drawbacks as well.

The most substantial benefit from working in early-age is a great deal of experience that the youngsters can get. While working, pre-college students can also learn to deal with may types of people's personality so that it will helps them to interact with university colleagues. In addition, those people also can feel the sense of independency. They can earn their own money so that they minimally need financial aids from their parents. However, I believe that working for several years before attending college can bring more drawbacks.

Young people who already find a job are more likely to have less motivation to continue their study. This case will make them stuck in that job, as they cannot find another one which offers high salary. It is because many company these days usually include college degree as a criteria for job enrollment. After several years taking an occupation, people will graduate in older age than ordinary students. Meanwhile, there are many job vacancies which restrict their applicants' maximum ages. Because of that, by postphoning university study, students will lose several job opportunities. Not only that, in fact, the older people start to learn something, the shorter their brains can memorise it. Thus, people who enter college in older age will absorb knowledge not as effective as their younger counterparts.

To sum up, it is clear that taking a job before attending college cn brings benefits and drawbacks for the students. However, the advantages do not outweigh its disadvantages which mostly relate to age. I highly recommend youngsters to get a job between school and university so that they will get useful experience, but they should do it in short term as they can waste their age.

Writing Feedback / Starting a new business is very advantageous [2]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Competition of finding a proper job is extremely hard in this globalising era. For this reason, many people decide to become enterpreneurs. Although starting a new business is highly risky, I believe that this decision brings more benefits.

The main drawback of enterpreneurship is high risk of bankruptcy. When people decide to start their own company, they should prepare themselves for the worst bankrupt which can happen to their business. A young business is fragile, especially as regard the financial issues and the trust of society. If the inventor of a new business cannot gains attention of the customers, him/her business will easily sink due to a sharp drop in its economical status. Meanwhile, a bankrupted enterpreneur still has an obligation to pay salary of their workers which make them need a huge debt to fulfill it. However, compared to the advantages of owning a business, I believe that those risks is minuscule.

Undoubtedly, a new business is highly advantageous not only for the enterpreneurs, but also society, even government. From personal point of view, owning a company can widen a businessman's relationships, even overseas, as they will unconciously do more public communication in order to widespread their business. Self-employed people also do not have to wait to be paid as they work for themselves, the income is all theirs. When the company's economical status balloon, the money earn by the owner increase as well. For other people, enterpreneur is significant because by establishing a new business, they will help others who are unemployed to earn money. This case will indirectly leads to the plunge of unemployment rate in a nation.

In conclusion, although it is true that be involved in enterpreneurship has a drawbak if people cannot handle some problems with finance and customers, the advantages are much more bigger. In my view, people should learn from business experts first before they decide to start their own business.

Writing Feedback / The government's safety laws - are they all really necessary or it's an exaggeration already [3]

Governments make many rules to protect people from danger, for example, by making people wear seat belts in cars or not allowing smoking in public buildings. However, many people believe that there are too many rules nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Safety laws are verry common these days in many countries. Many people see this case as exageration, as they do not need those rules. However, I totally disagree with that view as the government will not make any rules if society does not need it.

The abundance of rules which are intended for people's safety is seen as unpleasant by some people. According to them, they can take care of their own life and they do not need anyone to take control of their own safety. In fact, laws force them to pay an exact amount of money when they disobey rules for their safety.Virtually every place has rules to protect people from danger. In the road, for example, when someone does not wear seatbelt when driving a car or use helmet when ride a motorbike, the police will give them penalty even though they do not make other people in danger. For this reason, many people consider ubiquitous safety rules as unecessary burden.

On the other hand, I believe that every rule is made because it is needed. Society these days tend to ignore their own safety so that they need to be reminded when they do something harmful. Rule itself force people for their own safety, by using punishment, the government ask people to rethink if they want to risk their own lives. Pubilc smoking laws are formed because although most people know that smoking is dangerous for them and their surrounding, they still love to do it in public when there are no one remind them about the rules. In all, if human do not have tendency to do dangerous act, there will be no rules made for such things. Unfortunately, considering human attitude towards safety these days, te existed rules are not enough in strength and quantity to protect them from danger.

To sum up, although it is true that nowadays government have made many rules for human safety, those are actually not enough to protect society as they do not pay much attention to their own safety. In my opinion, the existed rules must be strangthened so that people feel more afraid to disobey it.

Writing Feedback / The government should balance budgets for healthcare and health education [2]

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

One of some parameters which determines people's quality of live is health. For that reason, virtually every developed country fund the healthcare equipment and procedure a lot. However, I totally disagree with that view because it is one-sided. The government should devide those money for both medical application and health education so that peolple can have better healthcare.

There is no doubt that a great deal of money is needed for providing and maintaing medical equipment. If every hospital has cutting-edge medical technology, it wil be easier for doctors to give treatment for their patients. Therefore, the rate of morbidity can be reduced and citizens' average longevity will be increased. However, funding healthcare only is not as beneficial as spend the budget equally for medic and healthcare education.

The importance of medical education should not be neglected in its role of keeping people's health. This subject of education reveals better methods and equipments for medical uses. If this study receive enough money for its reseacrh and development and it works, healing people from illness will be much easier. Moreover, the viruses and microorganism which cause disease in fact evolve gradually, so that medical scince have to study those change of pathogen's characteristics. Thus, it will help the medical professionals work better to cure the sickness.

To sum up, I strongly disagree with imbalance proportion of medical application fund and health education budget. It is imperative that both subjects have the same improtance to keep people well. If the government olny one-sided, the development of human healthcare will be very slowly.

Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquency is multifactorial case, not just caused by working mother [2]

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the last two decades, the trend of gender equality makes a lot of women decide to work rather than stay in their home. Many people believe that this case is the main cause of juvenile delinquceny. However, I strongly object that opinion because juvenil deliquency is multifactorial case which is not that simple occured only by lack interaction of children with their mother.

It is true that mother's duty is keeping their children safe and educating them so that they will well-behave. Women who work routinely will lose their opportunity to do such things. This minimal contact between mothers and children makes the mother cannot properly control their kid's behavior so that when those youngsters make mistakes, their moms is not there to tell them that it is not right. However, In my opinion, it is just one of many factors that leads to problematic children. In fact, there are some causes which are more influential to how children behave.

In fact, the most influential cause of problematic youngsters is the environment where they are risen. Bad social conditions will affect those children's behaviors as young people have high curiosity and tend to imitate others. Making friends with badly-behave peers also contribute a lot to juvenile deliquency. Even youngsters who firstly have decent atitude will turn to bad kids when they frequently interact with delinquent. All in all, juvenile delinquency is caused by many factors, especially the place where the youngsters are grown up.

To sum up, it is evident that although career women is one of the causes of juvenile deliquency, this matter is not the main cause. Meanwhile, environmental conditions take a lead to rise badly-behave kids. In my view, society should not see gender equality as bad influence in youngster generation, but theu have to focus on alleviate the factors which causes juvenile deliquency such as bad environmental conditions.

Writing Feedback / The pathway of chocolate production [2]

The diagrams show how chocolate is produced.

The flowcharts gives information about liquid chocolate prodution from raw cacao. Overall, the process can be differed into two different stages, which are preparation of cacao beans and chocolate manufacturing.

First of all, the main ingredient which was cacao beans inside the red pods of cacao tree, is prepared before shipping. Those ripe cacao are harvested from South America, Africa and Indonesia, then white cocoa beans inside the pods is colected. Following this, the beans is fermented in a large box, and once fermented, those are sun-dried. After the beans is dry, those are collected again and putted in large sacks. These ready-to-manufactured beans then transported to the chocolate factory to be processed.

After the beans is taken to manufacturer, that raw ingredient is roasted at 350 centigrade. Next, roasted beans is crushed until the outer shell is separated from its edible part inside. The obtained inner part is processed to produce liquid chocolate. This process involve a pressing machine which force the liquid coming out of the beans.

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Writing Feedback / Severe problems in regard to children behavior at schools [NEW]

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Children are educated in school for improving both their knowledge and their moral. However, students' behavior in school has become severe problems in many countries. The causes are strongly associated to the way schools devide their portion for both types of education, and parent's attitude towards education system in their child's scools.

Students' bad behavior which is extremely problematic for education intitutin can be caused by several factors. Modern schools usually do not provide proper moral education for students and more focus on knowledge improvement. Meanwhile, children spend more in schools than in their own home. If education institutions do not nurture children about how they should behave, it is no doubt that children will do not understand what is right and wrong. Moreover, nowadays education institutions tend to give their students more freedom than in the past. It is correlated to more complains from parents when the students state that they feel disturbed by the scools' laws. Because the pupils believe that their parents will always defend them everytime they make mistakes, this children tend to act as they wish.

In fact, this matter will be easily tackled if both institution and family support moral education for children. First of all, schools have to balance their way educating students how to behave while teach some knowlegde. However, this way will not work if the parents keep complaining about rules which is intended to make children well-behave. Thus, they must entrust their children's moral education to the school because it knows better how the students behave there so that the scool can give proper punishment to pupils if they act badly. In all, schols do not have to deal with this predicament if parents and the institution collaborate to nurture children so that they have good behavior.

In conclusion, it is evident that serious issue about students behavior in school caused by parents' and schools' attitude towads children moral education. This case can be solved if both sides collaborate to educate children's so that they will well-behave. If they both do not pay enough attention to it, this matter will be more severe in the future.

Writing Feedback / Reduction of packaging involves both producers and consumers [NEW]

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. While others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this decade, people throw much more packaging garbage than in retrospect era. This concern creates a belief that producers and sellers have to pack their products efficiently. Meanwhile, the opposites state that it depends more on customer's choice of packaging when they buy goods. In my opinion, all parts of societies have responsibility to reduce the number of rubbish from packaging materials.

It is true that manufacturers as well as shops have an obligation to control the amount and type of packaging materials such as cardboard, styrofoam and plastic wrap. They have to consider every drawback and benefit of particular way to pack their products. In fact, many companies choose to pack their delicate item in many different materials to avoid damage in its shipment and usually, the dimension of the packaging is a lot bigger than the actual size of the items. Moreover, supermarkets which sell this product also provide extra packaging, such as plastic bag and cardboard to help customers bring their buggies. In all, it is clear that factories and shops have to make their packaging system more effective because those huge amount of packaging materials will end up as a waste.

From another point of view, consumers also take part in the inefficiency of packaging. If they continuously tend to chose goods with interesting packaging which use plenty of matters, the company will receive this feedback and create more interesting packaging to attract customers more. In addition, if the costumers keep asking for plastic bags to wrap their goods, they will directly increase packaging waste. For this reason, people should bring their own bags when they go shopping so that they do not need a plastic back or cardboard from supermarkets. All in all, the consumers also have to take a part in packaging reduction.

To sum up, it is evident that both the sellers and the buyers equally have responsibility to reduce the use of packaging materials. In my view, recycling packaging materials is the best way to reduce the amount of packaging.

Writing Feedback / Older vs younger leaders, whom is better? [NEW]

Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group, but some people believe that young leaders are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Experience is the best teacher. It is the main reason why I strongly believe that most successful leaders are the older people who have many experience in their life. However, there are many people who argue that young leaders are better because of their vision towards the future.

The skills of leadership are totally depends on how many times an individual have overcame the issues in their teams successfully. Old leaders' ability to tackle problems in the middle of their project have proven because only a good leader will survives on their position until they are old. Moreover, older people have more experience supervising many different type of their employees' personalities, so that they will more able to prevent and handle social conficts within the team. The old age also brings its own advantage because they will get more respect from younger employee due to moral reasons.

From another point of view, the opposites argue that young people are very potential to be a better leader. They state that younger people can see the future more precisely because most of them have grown in the modern era. They also master cutting-edge technology so that they can produce their work more easily, quickly and high quality. In all, it is also some reasons that make young people become considerably good leader. However, the leaders' job is making a reasonable decision by considering many aspect. This young group mostly lack of this experience, because they have not faced enough difficult situation in team work, especially regarding to their team's attitude.

To sum up, it is evident that older age group have more experiences in leadership so that they are a better leader than the youngsters. It is because the young is lack of experience in making decision, contrasting with their older counterparts. In my opinion, because young people can utilize advance technology well and have a better ability to seeing of the future, they will better be supervised by experienced older people.

Writing Feedback / Objection of skyscrapers is unreasonable [2]

6. As populations grow and cities become more crowded, there is pressure throughout the world to construct ever-taller building to provide accommodation and offices. Many people object to such developments, citing the social as well as the physical dangers. Do you agree with objections to skyscrapers?

Overpopulation creates a huge demand of accomodation in many cities. Ironically, many people refuse the construction of skyscrappers which obviously are helpful to overcome this problem. I totally oppose that attitude towards such developments of infrastructure because tall buildings are the most efficient accomodation for overcrowded city.

The fear of physical and social dangers which are brought by skysraper's construction is the main reason why people reject such developments. First of all, the construction of skyscrappers is surounded by harmful materials and heavy machines so that they are affraid of high accident risk around that particular area. Most of them also belive that tall structures are more fragile when it comes to natural disaster such as earthquake. In addition, apartment blocks are unsuitable environment to raise children as there are no open areas and too much strangers living in the same building. It results in less interaction of people within the building because there are no lounge area for gathering with the neighbours while they look over their kids. However, in my view, it is unreasonable if people object the effort of providing enough shelters to accomodate huge number of citizens.

In fact, the sturdiness of a construction depends on the design and material used to build it. Advanced technology and knowledge of architecture these days helps much to create a safe, beautiful, longlast and functional skyscrapers in many different types of land. Therefore, the pobability of accidents associated with tall building in present is minuscule. Moreover, in many cities, a wide empty spaces are very difficult to find. For this reason, constructing tall building for offices and apartments is very advantageous as it can accomodate hundredfolds of people in same area dimension compared to ordinary houses or offices. This case is also potential to reduce the number of homelesses and inner-city slums so that the envinonment will become more friendly. In all, there are many reasons to say that skyscrapers is promising to fulfill the need of accomodations in limited spaces which are overpopulated.

In conclusion, although there are some arguments that make tall buildings seem dangerous, I totally support cities to have more tall constructions because it is clear that the benefits is more reasonable. If society keep rejecting such developments, more people will struggle to find home and occupation in the future as there will be no space for them in the city.

Writing Feedback / Stokeford village landscape's changes - much more houses had been built, overtook the farmland [3]

The maps compare the changes of village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010. Overall, it can be seen that in the end of the period, there were much more houses had been built, overtook the farmland. Some buildings also changed structurally and functionally, but some of them did not show any change.

The most remarkable in this village's landscape was the lost of farmland which scattered in the early 19s century. The causes was the huge number of houses had been built on it. In the year 1930, the houses only presented in the northside of the village, alongside the mainroad, while farmland existed in south western and north eastern side. However, 80 years later almost all part of the village had been altered to residential area.

Over this 80-year period, there were some structures which experienced alteration and some were not. The large house in 1930 had been altered in function becoming retirement home, and the structure had been expanded both to the north and south sides with smaller gardens. Primary school in the north west of that building also witnessed building expansion in the end of this period. There was also construction of some streets forking to the north and east from the main road, and houses was built along its side so that there were several houses near the river. The shops which priorly existed near post office had been demolished in 2010. However, post office between the main road and the river, and the bridge which was connected the village with area in the north remained unchanged.

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Writing Feedback / Uncontrolled population growth rate has been a contemporary issue in many countries in recent years. [4]

Th continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.
What are the causes of this continued rise?
Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
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Uncontrolled population growth rate has been a contemporary issue in many countries in recent years. This problem usually associated with social belief and the government do not pays enough attention. Many people argue that this is the greatest worldwide problem these days, but I personally believe that this can be tackled gradually if society and the government collaborate to alleviate it.

In many parts of the world, particularly in developing countries, society still has a belief that having more children means prosperity. Because of that, those people have a strong will to create a big family even though their financial status is not good enough. Another cause is the fear of birth control. Most uneducated people refuse to get a birth control treatment. Besides the cost of the treatment is fairly high, people reject it because they think that the chemicals used for it will badly affect their health. In all, those attitudes will lead to overgrow population.

Some people think that this issues is the greatest problem faced by human race. The reason is, overpopulation will leads to several social and environmental issues. For example, overpopulation indirectly worsen the green house effect due to bigger consumption of fossil fuels and more human waste. However, I believe that population growth rate is not a big problem because it will be easily controlled if people open their mind of its detrimental effects. The societies should stop to believe that big family will make them healthy because the effect is obviously the reverse. This issue actually is easy to overcome if the government provide free birth control and routine seminar to make people understand that the treatment is harmless.

To sum up, it is clear that continued population growth is caused by people's attitude towards birth control and lack of government's attention to tackle this problem. I strongly believe that this case is overestimated as the greatest problem in humanity. It will be good if both society and the government work together more seriously to overcome this problem.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Water treatment for household use [NEW]

The diagram shows how rainwater is reused.
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The diagram illustrates the process of water treatment for household use. Overall, the treatment can be differed based on the scale of obtained clean water. Interestingly, there is a treatment which makes wastewater possible to be reused.

Clean water can be obtained from rainwater both in a large scale or small scale. For producing larger amount of consuming water, firstly rainwater have to be collected in a water reservoir an then delivered to a plant for purification. This purified water then is streamed into houses and ready to be consumed. Water tank is also useful for collecting rainwater in smaller amount. This method is suitable for water use in a house.

For management of dirty water, used water run out from a house into a wastewater plant. This plant separates that wastewater into two different output, which are clean water and excess water. Clean water can be supplied for house to be reused. And the excess is flowed to a river. Storm water cannot be treatet for household purposes, so that it directly runs into the river.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: New buildings arrangement - West Park Secondary School maps [2]

The diagrams show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its contraction in 1950.
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The maps compare the difference of West Park Secondary School buildings arrangement in 1950, 1980 and 2010. Overall, the school area had been expanded immensely. There are also several structures which had been built or demolished.

The area of the school block had been widen in 1980, two times from its size when it was constructed. Originally, in 1950 there was only one main building which was faced the main road, in the left side of it there were three houses. The school also had playground area behind main building, in the right side of farmland. However, in 1980 the school began to expand to the left side, overtake the area of houses and farmland.

Over the 6-decade period, some area had been altered structurally and functionally. In 1980, the houses had been demolished, then half of its area is used for parking car and the other half area between it and main building used for a science block . Meanwhile, farmland had become sport field in that year. Furthermore, in 2010 the car park are expanded over the prior sports field. Because of that, the sports field was moved to one-third part of playground, so that it was located between smaller playground and wider car park.

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Writing Feedback / Several ways of heat loss and energy waste in a house due to the airflow in building - IELTS [2]

The diagram illustrates several ways of heat loss and energy waste in a house due to the airflow in building. Overall, it can be seen that cool air enters from slits in the pottom part of the house. Meanwhile, hot air runs out the house through its upper structure.

Fresh air from outside the structure get into the house through several ways, which causes the house becoming cooler. Some small slits between the wall and window or door can be passed by air from the outside so that the house is filled by cool air. Air also is able to leak into a house through several gaps which unintentionally are made for circulation, such as around the dryer vent, kitchen fan vent, and and electrical faucet. Crawl spaces also is filled by cool air because small slits around outdoor faucet.

The heat inside the building is carried out by the air which leaks out of the house. As such air enters the bottom part of the house, prior air within the house which was previously is warmed by energy waste such as recessed light, is pushed into the upper side of the building. After that, attic hatches and small gaps between the ceiling and the wall, bathrom fan vent, or lamp, allow this air leaking out.

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Writing Feedback / Nowadays, children have less pressure than the past age and more of the life-advancing opportunities [NEW]

Today's children are living under more pressure from the society than in the past.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
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Many people believe that social life in this globalising era have pressured children more than they used to be in the past. It is true that in recent age many children are striving to reach their bright future. However, from my point of view, children in the past had experienced more social disturbances such as racial issue and lowborn family status.

These days, many people have considered global competition as the biggest obstacle for children's lives. Compared to the past life which almost everybody can live only by traditional field work, in present the children have to prepare their future more carefully. William Dunbar, an economist, reported that average living cost in Europe had risen by 20% each year from 2002 to 2010. Therefore, the kids must study hard in order to get a proper occupation which can support their future lives. In all, high competition rate can be disstressful for children these days.

On the other hand, there are a lot of reason to say that in the past, children strived more than today's kids. It is a common knowledge that racism is one of the biggest issue faced by society, particularly in 18th century. For negroid children, this case was extremely depressing because they had been looked down by the society while they had to work as a slave. Not only that, homogenous society of the middle age also gave a huge pressure for the children. The local children had no choice but worked hard for their land lord for free, so that they just had a little time to enjoy their childhood.

To sum up, it is evident that children in the past received much more pressure compared to today's kids by the presence of forced labour. In my opinion, societies should not give children a lot of pressure to prepare their future lives because the kids need to enjoy they childhood first.